


Back and Forth With You

by SKayLanphear



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Basically a story that tells how Zack and Cloud met, Blood, Eventual Smut, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NSFW, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Violence, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates, Violence, and then how Zack comes back, but makes up other stuff, but only a little bit lol, dark themes, sticks with some canon stuff, up to when Zack dies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 253,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SKayLanphear/pseuds/SKayLanphear
Summary: Cloud hadn't expected that the string of words on his arm would lead him to First Class SOLDIER, Zack Fair. Having such an impressive soulmate was beyond intimidating, especially since Cloud couldn't even begin to measure up. Which was why he'd decided to keep his mouth shut and never say a word. If he never said the sentence that was printed on Zack's arm, then Zack would never know the truth of the matter. Unfortunately, the more Cloud tries to distance himself from his soulmate, the more Zack focuses in on him. Until it feels like he can't go anywhere without running into the good-looking First Class.A story of how they met, how they were meant to be, how they lost, and how the planet decided that maybe second chances are okay every once in a while.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 1277
Kudos: 2322





	1. Chapter 1

"You rang?" An odd thing to say, perhaps, given their situation, but he hardly knew how to start given the abruptness of the summons. Yet, this was how it always happened—when it happened at all. One moment his memories were part of the lifestream—always fluctuating and mixing with every other consciousness that had ever walked the planet—and the next he was being peeled away, separated, and drawn back together. Until his consciousness was whole, even if his body was a mere figment of his imagination. But he was able to conjure it anyway—what it'd felt like to be human, to have flesh and bone and muscles to move.

She turned toward him then, materializing out of the foggy green and white emptiness. He doubted she needed to do so—to replicate the human body she'd once possessed. But perhaps she did it for him. So there'd be some kind of relatable familiarity when they met one another.

"I did ring," she replied, sparing him a small, knowing smile as she clasped her hands behind her back.

"Trouble in paradise again?" he asked. "The world once again coming to an end? Or does a certain someone just need a bit of a pep talk?" A statement that, while sounding light, broke his heart despite the fact that he'd been without a heart for some time.

She laughed quietly, her smile only remaining a bit longer before it faded into something more serious. Which probably wasn't a good sign.

"The world isn't ending… is it?" he asked.

"No, it's not. Not immediately, anyway."

He crossed his imaginary arms over his chest. "Ominous."

She managed another small laugh. "It's the planet," she started after a few seconds of silence. "So many memories from so many people, they're beginning to sink in. Into the collective consciousness."

"The… collective?"

"The consciousness of the planet," she continued. "Slowly, over time, the older and older memories of those who have passed—their souls, I suppose you could reason—begin to meld more and more deeply with the lifestream. It's a natural process, one that allows the planet to reflect, so as to take action as needed. All living things are recycled this way, their wisdom becoming part of the planet before that churning, stirred lifestream is used to create new life."

"Right, so… that's where I am. Normally. Except when you pull me back out, like this." But it was becoming harder and harder every time. Somehow, he knew this truth. Soon, he'd become so much a part of the lifestream that any remnants of his life as Zack Fair would be but pieces in a larger vat.

Which… he was okay with, if only because he had no other choice. That was life, right? Or the afterlife, in any case. He was looking forward to it, being reborn. Maybe parts of him would be trees, or birds. Maybe he could spend the rest of eternity in the skies.

And maybe he'd finally be able to forget. Forget the horrible agony that echoed through everything that he was every time he remembered what he'd left behind.

"Yes. But soon I won't be able to pull you back," she admitted. "The planet, it keeps my consciousness whole, but I'm still but a small fragment of something much larger."

"Why does it keep you?" Zack asked. "Keep you whole, I mean? Are all the Cetra kept like that?"

She shook her head. "Meteor, Jenova, the fear all life felt as a result, it still rings raw in the consciousness of the planet. And while the planet itself does not feel as we do, it reflects and reacts. Humans threatened to strangle the planet, but they're also the ones who cut away the rotting, infected piece that allowed the planet to start healing. And despite all the planet's efforts to return the world to nothing and start over, humans thwarted that too. Sephiroth—the infection—was defeated. Twice, his scourge was held back, though it still lurks. And all the WEAPONS the planet sent forth were destroyed, proving just how weak the planet's defenses were.

"Ever adapting, the planet has been attempting to create new defenses. Which is why it… retains me, here. I am a human soul, a Cetra that can commune with the planet, and as humans were threats as well as saviors, the planet recognizes that perhaps a new defense must be utilized."

"Because what it had before wasn't good enough."

She nodded, her gaze falling to the side as she turned somewhat away from him. "It tried to flush out the threat after meteor was stopped. But even that couldn't stop the reunion. The planet couldn't get rid of the infected hosts fast enough, nor could it stop the constant flow of Jenova cells that now line the lifestream like a pervading cancer. Now in remission, but liable to reawaken at any moment."

"Great…"

"The healing water flushes the cells from their hosts, but it doesn't get rid of them. They sink into the ground, into every living thing, and are once again recycled into the lifestream anew. It is becoming… an unbeatable foe."

"Did you bring me here to tell me we're all doomed? Because I really could have gone the rest of existence not knowing that."

Her expression softened, which was somewhat reassuring. "The cells are a disability, not necessarily an inevitability. But even so, twice now has a reunion tried to take place, and twice has the planet's attempts to stop it failed. It was only the intervention of humanity that saved us.

"This is not a fact the planet is blind to. These realities flow in the new souls that enter the lifestream, their knowledge affecting how the planet adapts to this changing environment."

"So…" Zack took a huffing breath. "What's all this got to do with me?"

"There is one. One that the planet watches. One that has proven strength in the face of the infection, even as he himself is infected. Much like the planet itself, yet he continues to beat back this sickness. He has become the planet's new weapon." She didn't sound entirely thrilled at the idea, but accepting nonetheless. "Organic weapons of mass destruction weren't enough, yet the feeble will of one man made all the difference. It is a strange kind of strength in comparison to the direct methods the planet has previously used, but the planet is an organism that is wholly intent on survival. If this human can do what other methods could not, then it must be more powerful and therefore the strength needed to fight this infection. Or so the reasoning of the planet might be personified."

"That's… a lot of pressure for one person," Zack said, his voice turning somewhat dark. Defensive, perhaps.

"Yes. I agree." She released a shaky breath. "But I cannot control that which the planet views as logical, though I may offer… guidance, in my own small way."

"Guidance?"

"It was a human that has led the charge against this infection, but humans are still small. Susceptible to weakness if not supported properly." She laughed bitterly. "The planet views this as maintenance. If this new weapon is 'malfunctioning,' then all must be done to right this issue so that it will be in prime condition should the need for defenses arise."

"This all sounds so… inhumane."

"The planet is not concerned with humanity, as I said. It cares only for survival. You cannot reason with it—it is not that sort of organism. It feels, learns, and reacts."

"Okay…"

She finally looked back up at him. "The planet senses the great sadness that exists in its new 'weapon' of choice. Loss, grief. Confusion. The planet doesn't wholly recognize the finite details of such things, but it does recognize these things as negatively affecting the performance of its weapon. It senses that its new weapon is broken—without 'wholeness,' perhaps—and is willing to do whatever it can to rectify these ailments."

"I don't think it's really that simple."

"No, but that is beside the point."

"What happens now, then?"

"The planet wants the wounds on this weapon to heal. Which is why you're here now."

"Me?"

"I didn't bring you here, though I have momentarily intercepted you."

"Oh…" Not exactly a pleasant thought.

"The planet recognizes your loss as something deeply significant. After all, it is the planet that dictates how souls are split and reunited. So it has… decided to return you."

Zack gaped. "R— _Return_ me? Like—Like—"

"Yes. It goes against natural law, but I suppose if it is the planet that decides natural law and flow, then it can choose to break those rules should it deem doing so necessary."

Suddenly, she was standing directly in front of him, her hand coming up to rest gently on his chest. Her touch was cold, but soothing. "You won't remember this conversation, but I doubt you'll need such a memory to find your way."

"I know the way," he said firmly.

She smiled.

"I know you do."

**oOo**

_9 Years Ago_

Cloud was not the least bit surprised to find himself alone despite the fact that soldiers were to remain in tight formation when confronted with any sort of threat. For one, the attack had been so sudden that a good chunk of his squad had been obliterated in seconds. This had, naturally, led to a great deal of chaos, fear, and panic. Cloud himself had been so shocked at the sight of the broken, bleeding, and fading bodies that he'd nearly been ripped apart as well, stunned still on the ground where he'd been knocked aside by the swiping tail of a giant dragon. The breath had been knocked out of him as he'd slammed into the cave wall, momentarily seeing stars as he'd collapsed to the ground. Thankfully, he'd managed to get himself together enough to stand before any more damage could be done.

For some moments, he'd stood his ground, his rifle shaking in his hands as he'd stared up the back of the giant, sparkling purple dragon. They hadn't been warned about coming across dragons in the Mythril Mines. Dragons like this one definitely hadn't been on the list. But there one was, chomping away at a soldier that had dared try and fight back.

As far as Cloud could see, no one else in his squad had stuck around. Or they were dead. Which meant that soon the dragon would be turning on him and he'd be done for.

Which brought him back to the current moment, that he was alone and running deeper into the mines in an attempt to escape the dragon. And hopefully not get lost.

The second reason he was likely alone was because, well, nobody much liked him, so even if some of his squad had survived, they probably wouldn't have bothered risking their own skins to save him.

This was a long-standing problem of Cloud's—not being liked.

When he'd left his hometown of Nibelheim, he'd vowed things would be different. He'd be a different person with a different outlook and a different sort of social life. After all, he was going clear across the world to join the Shinra military and eventually SOLDIER. It was a commendable endeavor, one that would take him into a world with people just like himself—those driven by goals of heroism and courage.

Or so he'd thought. But, as it'd turned out, people in Midgar weren't all that different from those in Nibelheim. He didn't fit in any better with them than he had the bullies back home. If he wasn't made fun of because of his stature, then it was his strange shyness, or the way he loitered awkwardly in the backs of rooms, or how he was just so excited to join SOLDIER.

He'd quickly, and in a publicly painful way, learned that his dreams of becoming a SOLDIER were just as laughed at in Midgar as they had been back in Nibelheim. As was his somewhat awkward countenance and poor social skills.

In fact, it hadn't been until he'd gotten to Midgar that he'd started to realize there was something… off about him in comparison to the other boys around him. He'd thought it was just the jerks in Nibelheim that hadn't understood him, but apparently the rest of the world thought he was a bit weird as well.

Which, of course, led him quickly down the same path he'd followed back home—one of defensive insults and a flaring temper that had already gotten him into one too many fistfights and made him plenty of enemies.

And absolutely no friends. Another let down, really. He hadn't had any friends back home, even if his neighbor—Tifa—had been nice enough to him when her other jerk friends hadn't been around. He'd been certain when he came to Midgar that he'd finally be among his own type of people and that making friends would finally be a reality. But that too had fallen through, leaving him bitter and frustrated. Both with the people around him and himself.

The point was, nobody was going to try and save him from a dragon, even if they'd been alive enough to do so. Though a lot of his learning curve had transpired during boot camp, his first assignment in Infantry Squad 53 hadn't gone much better. They hadn't been thrilled with a new recruit coming into their squad, and been even less thrilled when he'd turned out to be a sixteen-year-old runt with a bad attitude.

Cloud hadn't even bothered trying to discuss his SOLDIER dreams with them—they'd have just laughed at him, like everyone else had (Tifa and his mom being the only exceptions).

So he kept running through the mines. He tripped a few times in the dark, the light of his helmet the only thing igniting the path in front of him. He kept a death-grip on his rifle and hoped that no other huge monsters would appear to tear him apart.

His squad and four others had been sent into the Mythril Caves south of Midgar for a standard first mission. Just to scout the mines so they could put in their records that they had mission experience. Which was why most of the members in the squads that had been sent were low-ranked infantrymen. It wasn't supposed to be a dangerous mission. All they'd been meant to do was scout the area and maybe kill a few monsters if they showed up. Monsters far weaker than dragons, in any case.

Breathing hard and doing his best not to shake out of his skin, Cloud eventually slowed to a walk, the flashlight on his helmet flicking back and forth as he shuffled his way deeper and deeper into the caves. Logically, running deeper into the caves had been a very, very bad idea. But given the situation, he wasn't sure what else he'd been meant to do. The way back had been blocked by a giant, chomping dragon, so options had been limited.

But he couldn't just keep wandering aimlessly through the mines, either. He'd definitely get lost—if he wasn't already—starve to death, and die. Probably a more painful death than he might have had at the claws of the dragon.

Pausing, he swallowed hard and turned back the way he'd come. It appeared wholly dark, but he swore he could still hear gunshots and dragon growls in the distance.

Should he have stayed to fight the dragon? Was he a deserter for running?

He was definitely a coward, there was no arguing that, which only frustrated him further. How could he possibly hope to become part of SOLDIER if he was caught running away on the first mission he'd ever been sent on? He wasn't exactly setting a good precedence.

Taking a few seconds to steady his breathing, Cloud closed his eyes and pushed back on the flight instinct that had sent him dashing into the caves in the first place. Cradling his rifle in the crook of his elbow, he gripped his right forearm and thought of the words he knew were etched into his skin underneath his uniform.

" _Watch out, Spike, or you'll end up in a mess of trouble._ "

As far as soulmarks went, his was quite long. Generally, the first sentence a person ever heard their soulmate say was a little shorter or more ambiguous. In his loneliest days, his soulmark eased his isolation, reminding him that someone was, in fact, out there waiting for him. And that his someone was so special that their first words to him would be an introduction of noteworthy significance. Not just "nice to meet you" or some other bland statement heard every day on the street. His soulmark meant something, even if the context was a mystery.

Which was why he took comfort from it in times of fear or uncertainty. His soulmate was looking out for him from the beginning, keeping him out of trouble without even being there. Whenever he was unsure, those words carried him through. Be careful, watch out, or you'll end up in a "mess of trouble."

But it was also that known sentiment that inspired him to get into trouble. One, because his soulmate could only warn him against trouble if he was actually getting into trouble, but also because a small part of him was annoyed his soulmate dared tell him what to do. It was a contradictory set of feelings some of the time, but familiar nonetheless. He didn't want his soulmate to think he was afraid of trouble, or to think he needed to be taken care of. If trouble was an inevitable place he was supposed be, then he wanted to be found there with courage and strength.

Which meant he couldn't be the type of person that ran away when others stayed to fight.

Huffing, Cloud pinched his arm where he knew the text was etched into his skin, before snapping his eyes back open and shoving his fear down into his boots. Grappling with his rifle, he stared back the way he'd come with a forced air of determination, before he started to march back down the choppy corridor.

Time moved both slowly and a great deal too fast. He hadn't really made it that far from the confrontation, but the rapid pace of his beating heart made the walk back feel a lot slower than it was. But by the time he was able to peek back out into the open cavern where the dragon was, he was certain it should have taken him a lot longer to get there.

The open cavern was naturally lit, unlike many of the tunnels branching out around it. High, high above—some fifty stories or so—a hole to the outside allowed natural light to cascade in and ignite the chalky blue mythril stone. It also shimmered across the purple scales of the dragon as it lashed out, another squad of infantrymen having surrounded it. They were showering it with bullets, but little good was really being accomplished. The bullets bounced off the dragon's scales like tiny stones, while men ran and ducked as it reached its great head out to grind them to pieces.

Some got out of the way, others didn't.

Cloud was once again gripped by fear, his hands clattering around his rifle as he stared down at the continuing rampage. The dragon was snapping out. It took hold of an infantryman that was too slow before chomping down. Gargled screams echoed through the gunshots and shouting, before the lifeless body was tossed aside. It crashed into a nearby wall, falling to the ground like a limp doll.

Cloud stared at it, momentarily unable to take his eyes away. It was only the stone-rattling roar of the dragon that snapped his attention back, anxiety once again tightening inside his chest.

No. He was part of Shinra's army and a future member of SOLDIER. He couldn't allow his fear to control him. He had to be strong. Brave. Like Sephiroth.

That was the only path that would make him a hero.

Aware of the heavy weight of his rifle in his hands, Cloud looked quickly around for any opportunity to make himself useful. The path he'd scrambled into when he'd run away sat on a slight incline. And to the left, a thin ledge graduated around the wall, sitting just slightly higher than the dragon was tall.

Nodding away his indecision, Cloud quickly jogged over to the ledge, preparing his rifle as he did. Creeping along the edge, he moved until he was standing almost directly above the dragon. Though his heart beat nervously in his ears, he crouched down on one knee and took aim through the sight of his rifle. It was shaking a bit—due to his own trembling—and so he growled, shook his head, and pushed away his nerves.

Staring into the sight, he followed the dragon's swinging head as best he could. If he could just get a shot in through its eye when it turned his way, or into its mouth, then perhaps he could end this. His higher vantage point gave him a different perspective, after all. Sometimes, that was all one needed to solve the problem, or so his mother had always said.

Deep breaths.

Focus.

 _Aim_ …

Cloud pulled the trigger at the same time the dragon's great body swung around to the right, it's giant, heavy tail slamming into the base of the ledge he'd crept across. His shot missed, while the rocks beneath him began to shake. Within seconds, they were crumbling away, Cloud having only the time to stand before everything was falling out from underneath him.

He tried to reach out for the wall, but there was nothing to grab. Like the broken rocks, he tumbled down the cliff-side. Thankfully, the fall wasn't far. He landed hard, plunging forward and rolling over harsh stones before finally coming to a stop. His head bashed into a large boulder as he did, knocking his helmet off and sending it bouncing down beneath the dragon's stomping feet.

Because, very suddenly, he was no longer safe above the dragon, but dangerously close to its huge body and sharply taloned claws. He was at the base of the wall the dragon had been cornered against, his attempts to scramble backward doing absolutely no good in getting him to safety. The dragon was so close that one more swing of its body would see him crushed against the wall, or stomped to death, ripped apart by a passing claw.

But there was nowhere to go. To his left, the wall of the cave was too high to scale (at least as far as his skillset), and to the right, the dragon was taking up any available space. If he wasn't crushed or stomped, he's soon be shot by the incoming bullets of his own comrades, as he was now in the direct line of fire. In fact, it was the dragon itself that was protecting him, but that was hardly going to last much longer.

He was done for.

Just as he was closing his eyes against his inevitable death, something—or someone, rather—grabbed him by the back of his uniform and chokingly hauled him off to the side. He stumbled, barely able to keep his feet as he was just narrowly yanked out of range of the dragon's tail. The grip on the back of his collar dragged him up over a bounder or two, before dropping him into a rather unceremonious pile just out of range of the action.

Ignoring any pain or injuries he'd thus far procured, Cloud craned his neck around just in time to watch the man that had only _just_ saved him from a brutal, bloody death.

Dark black pants, matching, sleeveless sweater, brown harness and brown leather boots. A huge sword—a sword so heavy and cumbersome that no man of normal strength could lift it, let alone hope to use it—was sitting casually on his shoulder.

He had thorny black hair that was slicked back in the front, aside from one loose strand hanging down in the front. Young face, a dashing smile as he looked back over his shoulder at Cloud, and those trademark mako eyes.

SOLDIER, First Class.

Zack Fair.

Cloud knew exactly who he was. He'd studied all the first class soldiers, learning all their names and stories. Sephiroth was the best of the best, obviously, but the other firsts weren't anything to scoff at. Sure, Zack Fair was young and hadn't served in the war with Wutai, but that didn't make him any less extraordinary.

Zack was the youngest of the first class SOLDIERS. At sixteen, he'd joined the military, before passing the SOLDIER entrance exams that very same year—the first to ever do so aside from Sephiroth, who'd practically been drafted into SOLDIER. At seventeen, Zack had been promoted from third to second class, as he'd obviously out-shown all his colleagues. And just a few months ago—at only nineteen—he'd made first. He was the youngest first of the total eight that existed, had been personally mentored by the legendary first class general, Angeal Hewley, and many were whispering that he had the kind of momentum and potential that Sephiroth had.

He was, in essence, everything Cloud dreamed of becoming.

Despite the danger, Cloud was star-struck, able to do little more than gape at the tall, muscled, intimidating first class still offering him that cocky, dazzling smile.

"Watch out, Spike," he said a moment later, "or you'll end up in a mess of trouble." Winking, he mock-saluted to the yet stunned Cloud, before turning on his heel and jumping down to face the dragon head on.

He had no idea that in one second, he'd saved Cloud's life, before opening his mouth and shattering it in the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this story went through a lot of changes very rapidly, haha. Originally it was supposed to be a re-write of a story I'd written before called In a Bed of Flowers, which is basically a fix-it fic where Zack comes back to life. But then I read a whole bunch of soulmate fics and wanted to write that instead, and then I got thinking back on Crisis Core and how annoyed I was that Zack and Cloud's friendship never actually got any development despite the games insisting they were best friends. Thus, we have changed what was originally a re-write into a time-skipping soulmate fix-it fic that is only sometimes canon-compliant. 
> 
> I love the original FFVII, but I have... feelings about Crisis Core and Advent Children, so I'll be taking bits and pieces of the other compilation stuff as I see fit. The one thing I do love about Crisis Core is Zack, so, you know, that explains my shipping, haha, but I also find that neither Crisis Core nor Advent Children FEEL like FFVII, so, like... I dunno, I'm doing whatever I want, OKAY?! I'M ON THAT REMAKE HYPE TRAIN AND I JUST CAN'T FOCUS! IT'S LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY!
> 
> So yeah, enjoy this amalgamation of tropes and crammed-together content. BYE!


	2. Chapter 2

_Present Day_

"He's not doing that disappearing thing again, is he?"

Tifa sighed, finally turning away from where she stood at the sink, washing some glasses, so she could give Reno and Rude the most exasperated look she could muster.

"What?!" Reno defended. "I was just wondering, since he hasn't been around lately…"

"Maybe he's avoiding the place because you guys keep showing up," she countered, which earned her uncomfortable looks from both of them.

"We're just worried about the guy, jeez. He is our boss, after all."

Pausing in her work, Tifa took a moment to gather her wits before drying her hands on a nearby towel and making her way over to where the two men sat on the other side of her bar. Laying her hands out on the counter, she eyed them for a few seconds before giving in.

"You know how Cloud can be," she said. "Sometimes he just needs time to himself to… deal with things. He's been through a lot."

"Wasn't he 'dealing with things' during the whole geostigma epidemic? Aren't you worried?"

"The problem back then was that he _wasn't_ dealing with things."

"Can I ask a serious question?" It was Rude who spoke up, that he'd bothered to talk at all drawing both Tifa and Reno's focus. "What exactly is it that he's been through?"

"You don't know?" Tifa asked. "You guys were Turks. I thought you knew everything."

"Depends on the situation," Reno replied. "Tseng has mentioned something about it from time to time, but never in detail. We weren't involved."

Continuing to eye them both, Tifa weighed the consequences of saying anything. It wasn't her place to expose Cloud's secrets, but he had been rather moody and stand-offish of late. He wasn't exactly retreating the way he had before Sephiroth had shown up in Edge, but he'd definitely been… withdrawn.

For a while after geostigma had been cured, he'd been very attentive to both his work and his family. Expanding Strife Delivery Service (SDS) had needed to happen for some time, and upon seeing Cloud's rather… "unorganized" office and business plans, Reeve had taken it upon himself to intervene. Which had led to all sorts of changes, one of which being Reeve taking over as Vice CEO when it became apparent just how in-demand Cloud's services were. Business was booming, so to speak. Which had quickly led to hiring more employees, then renting their own office and warehouse, purchasing used Shinra helicopters and vehicles (which had quickly been rebranded), and so on. The world was up and recovering from everything that had happened both with Shinra and meteor, and that meant there had to be a way to send things back and forth and around the world. Shinra was gone, thus someone else had to take up the mantle.

Well, there were a lot of mantles that needed to be taken up, but as far as delivery services went, SDS was number one.

But in order for SDS to operate, qualified employees were necessary. They needed people with combat experience for the ground work, so quite a few ex-soldiers had been hired. But as far as air deliveries and international work, those with more intensive qualifications were essential.

Which was how the Turks—who'd left Rufus and Shinra after all the money drained away—ended up working for SDS. Cloud hadn't been thrilled about the idea at first, but six months later he really only considered the Turks a minor annoyance. Besides, Tseng was even more organized that Reeve, so having him in charge of schedules and deliveries had been a god-send.

"It's really not my place to say anything about Cloud's past," Tifa settled for saying. "Besides, don't try to tell me you 'care' because he's your boss. You guys didn't have any issues leaving Rufus."

"Yeah, because he quit paying us _and_ he's a dick," Reno countered. "Not exactly a good formula for loyalty. Besides, Cloud is _way_ nicer to us than he was."

"That makes it worth the pay-cut?" Tifa asked, smiling.

"Better than not being paid at all."

Rude cleared his throat. "Does it have something to do with his soulmark?" he asked, apparently trying to keep them on track. His question, however, earned him a cold look from Tifa. Yet, despite this, he held her gaze. "I've just noticed him staring an awful lot at it lately."

"It's complicated for him, I think," Tifa replied cryptically.

"His soulmate is dead, right?" Reno asked, lacking everything in the way of tact.

Not that Tifa could really blame him. Sure, Cloud generally wore a long glove on his right arm, but it slipped sometimes, or sometimes he just… _wasn't_ wearing it. In any case, it was common knowledge to most who knew him that the words on his forearm were incredibly faded. So much so that one could hardly read them. Which, of course, meant his soulmate was, indeed, dead. Sometimes the words faded before a person ever met their soulmate, sometimes after, but faded words always meant that person was gone.

Of course, after everything that had happened to the world, plenty of people had faded soulmarks. But even before then, it'd been common courtesy not to talk about such things. It was no one else's business and considered extremely rude to draw attention to.

As far as Cloud's soulmark went, Tifa wasn't entirely sure what had happened. Sure, she'd been the one to help piece his mind back together, but that had involved the memories they'd shared together, not anything outside of that. All she really knew for sure was that when Cloud had left Nibelheim, his soulmark had been dark and vibrant, and when she'd found him in Midgar years later, it'd been faded.

As far as certainties went, she had none, supposing it was entirely possible that Cloud had never met his soulmate and his other half had died without warning. But… she had a feeling that Cloud _had_ met his soulmate, and if she was being really brave, she'd even go so far as to guess who it'd been.

After all, Cloud deciding to take up Zack Fair's identity alongside his own, while… tragic, did lead one to wonder…

"I suppose they must be dead," Tifa replied, turning some to the side to stare sadly out the window.

While it was a common story following everything that had led up to meteor and after, dead soulmates were in no way any less heartbreaking. And, of course, after everything Cloud had endured just to make it to where he was then, she wasn't surprised that the fall of his soulmate was part of it all. But though they'd talked through many of his traumas, his soulmate had never come up, not in direct reference anyway.

It was only recently that she'd really started to wonder why.

He'd talked a bit of Zack Fair (who she suspected was his soulmate), but it'd never been anything beyond the fact that they'd been friends outside the Nibelheim incident. Tifa herself had met Zack once, but the meeting had been so inconsequential at the time that she hardly remembered much beyond the fact that he'd been the other First Class SOLDIER working alongside Sephiroth. She never would have pinned him as having been friends with Cloud, not until learning later.

After Cloud had realized and admitted to the fact that he'd adopted Zack's identity without really knowing he'd done so, that had been the end of the issue for some time. Leading up to meteor's fall, they'd been far too preoccupied with the end of the world to focus on trauma or tragedies past. And while he hadn't said as much, Tifa had realized that though Cloud had come to understand who he really was, that hadn't meant he'd recovered all his memories.

Following meteor, they'd all tried to start life anew, Tifa doing all she could to help the fragmented, broken person that Cloud was even as he'd tried to hide it. But when geostigma had reared its ugly head, it'd just been too much. Any progress Cloud might have been making was overshadowed by what he'd felt was his own failure and guilt. Guilt over not just Aerith's death, but Zack's as well, as he'd explained to her following the clash with Sephiroth.

Which was when she'd realized that despite all her efforts to help, more had been going on with Cloud than he'd let on. As the remnants of his mako poisoning had faded over the years, his memories had begun to resurface. At his own words, he'd said they were still fragmented and confusing, but there. He didn't always understand them, but he'd begun to put the pieces together.

Despite this, he'd tried his best to be involved with both SDS and his found-family. Yet, every day, Tifa had seen the weight on his shoulders increasing. His smiles became more and more forced, the sad expression in his eyes growing more and more acute.

But it wasn't like when he'd left them after failing to find a cure for Denzel. That had been forced on his part even—the result of shame and an inability to forgive. No, what she'd been seeing in his eyes more recently was raw and natural, not forced by confusion and shame. If there was a rainstorm pouring down behind his gaze, then he wasn't seeking shelter away from her as he had when they'd been dealing with geostigma. Instead, he was standing out in it, constantly drenched no matter Tifa's attempts to get him to come inside.

He wasn't… distancing himself, or running away. He was…

"It's grief," Tifa realized suddenly, watching as it rained lightly outside the windows lining the front of her bar. "He's grieving…"

"Grieving?" Reno asked incredulously.

But Tifa hardly heard him. Somewhat shaken by the realization, she reached for the nearby stool she kept behind the bar, just in case she needed a rest. Sitting down, she closed her eyes and tried to more fully configure what she meant.

"Cloud's been mako poisoned on multiple occasions," she eventually explained, saying it out loud more so for her own benefit than for the two men in the room. "Severely mako poisoned. I don't know the details of the first time, but it was bad enough that he lost nearly every memory or idea of who he was. And the second time, all the doctors were convinced he wouldn't make it—that no one had survived that degree of mako poisoning before."

"That shit'll really fuck a person up," Reno said quietly. "SOLDIERS used to get mako injections and I know some of them didn't survive it. But they never called that 'poisoning,' only a 'potential bad reaction.'"

"Cloud was poisoned far beyond any of that," Tifa said, feeling quite certain of the fact despite not knowing how much mako SOLDIERS had been injected with. "It almost destroyed him."

"Yeah, it'll do that," Reno said darkly.

Tifa sighed. "He's had to piece his life together ever since—all his memories and who he is. I can't believe I didn't realize it before…"

"What?" Rude asked gently.

"He's… finally starting to put everything in order, to get a full grasp on himself instead of just _knowing_ that something happened. He's—He's starting to feel it now." Like a shield beginning to chip away, exposing him to not just the images and flashes of his memories, but the connection that linked him to them.

"And you think he's grieving?" Reno said, before realization flashed across his expression. "His soulmate! That's why he's been all mopey and keeps staring down at his arm."

"Maybe, if what I think I know is actually the truth," Tifa replied, before turning a critical eye on the two ex-Turks. "Speaking of Cloud's past, maybe you two know something about it."

Reno was skeptical.

"Tell me, do you two know what happened… what happened to Zack Fair?"

A question that clearly surprised both of them.

"Zack Fair," Reno said thoughtfully. "Haven't heard that name in a _long_ time. He was a First Class SOLDIER, one of the best to go through the program from what we heard." He nodded toward Rude, who silently agreed. Tifa, meanwhile, listened intently. "He was sent on the Nibelheim mission with Sephiroth."

"I know," Tifa replied. "I met him."

"Yeah, well, after that, he disappeared. For a while it was thought he'd died and seeing as no investigation was called, we didn't get any further orders on the subject. But then four years later, he shows up on Shinra's radar again—in a bad way. But he and Tseng, they'd worked together in the past. Both the Turks and the Shinra army were sent to hunt him down. Well, him and another nameless target. We wanted to get to him first, because Tseng wanted details and knew that if the army found him before we did, he was dead for sure. So our mission kind of turned into a rescue mission instead, but… the Shinra army found him first. From what Tseng said of the incident, Zack was trying to escape with the other fugitive when he was gunned down. It was pretty brutal. Execution style, no questions asked. He'd been dragging the other target around with him—guess the guy was incapacitated or something—and just outside Midgar, they were discovered. Didn't stand a chance."

Closing her eyes, Tifa rubbed her hands down her face as she tried to comprehend.

"Tifa," Rude interjected then, sounding as alarmed as Rude could ever sound. "The other target—was that Cloud?"

"What?!" Reno squawked at his best friend. "How do you figure that?"

"I don't know, maybe? All Cloud has ever told me about Zack was that they were friends and that—that Zack saved his life. But it always seemed like kind of a sensitive subject, so I never pushed him."

"Zack Fair and Cloud were _friends_?" Reno asked skeptically.

"That's surprising?" Tifa asked.

"Well, sorta. Zack was all energy and chatter and being friendly with everybody—that sort of over-the-top, hyper-social personality. Angeal Hewley, one of the First Class generals, was his mentor. Called him a puppy all the time because he'd get so excited. I guess it's just kind of surprising they'd have been friends, 'cause they're just so different."

"But they weren't just friends, were they?" Rude asked, getting to the heart of the matter a lot faster than his friend.

"I don't know," Tifa replied, beginning to feel a headache coming on as her thoughts continued to circle. "Cloud never talks about him."

"More than friends?" Reno asked, which earned him a severe look from Rude, one that lasted until it all finally clicked together. "Oh!" Reno said, surprised, before his lips pulled into a grimace. " _Oh_ …"

"I don't know if it's true or not," Tifa cut in. "Cloud is more open now than he used to be, but he's still really private. I could be totally off-base."

"So, wait, if Cloud was the other target, then…" Reno was turned toward Rude, the both of them looking a little pale.

"Then what?" Tifa asked.

"Uh, well…" Reno pulled at his collar, clearly uncomfortable. "The targets, Zack and, apparently, Cloud, they escaped from one of Hojo's labs in Nibelheim. Didn't know it at the time we were going after them, but Tseng figured it out later. They were Hojo's test subjects."

"Test subjects…" Tifa said quietly. "I kind of knew, but Cloud never…"

"Yeah. So that's how Cloud ended up with mako enhancements." He said it as if the whole thing were finally making sense. "He survived Hojo's fucked up experiments."

"They must have been captured after Nibelheim burned," Rude added.

Tifa's expression went dark. "Is there anyone's life Hojo didn't destroy?"

Reno laughed. "You don't even know the half of it."

A statement she did not find amusing.

"That really sucks, though," Reno said a second later. "About Cloud, I mean. He really has been through the ringer."

"Yes, he has," Tifa verified quietly.

"In our reports, it said that the other fugitive was an unknown infantryman. Was Cloud in the Shinra army?"

Tifa nodded.

"Huh." Reno hummed thoughtfully. "That'd make quite a scene, a First Class being friendly with an infantryman. They didn't exactly run in the same circles, you know? I wonder how they even met in the first place."

_9 Years Ago_

There were very few things Zack actually wanted out of life. Generally, he was pretty content with a meal and a roof over his head. Sure, being a SOLDIER prodigy was great and all, but he could live without that. And yeah, becoming a hero was a real big part of his dreams, but even that he could do without if he had to. In fact, his dream of becoming a hero had only come about because of a dream of a more personal nature.

That was, the dream of meeting his soulmate.

Sighing, Zack flopped back on his mattress and stared long and hard at his right forearm. Or, rather, the tiny words etched into his right forearm.

" _Oh god, Zack, please don't die!_ "

Those were the words that had stared back at him all his life. Which wasn't exactly the most promising thing his soulmate could say to him upon the two of them speaking for the first time. Nor had it been any comfort to his parents growing up. And while most would take a look at those words and decide that maybe meeting their soulmate was a bad idea, Zack had decided to embrace those words—much to the distress of his poor mother.

As it was, Zack figure there were only two scenarios in which he could find himself meeting his soulmate: One in which he was definitely dying or one in which he was almost dying. Either way, the path to meeting his soulmate was finding himself in critical danger of some kind. And as Zack wanted nothing more in the whole wide world than to meet his other half, putting himself in a position to be in danger a good chunk of the time seemed like the rational solution.

Which was what had led him down the path of heroism and SOLDIER. Granted, becoming a SOLDIER actually made it harder for things to kill him, but, really, that could be good. Because if he was going to find himself almost dead as a prerequisite to meeting his soulmate, he might as well give himself as many defenses as he could. SOLDIERS could survive a lot of things other people couldn't. So, really, it only helped his chances. More danger, more chance of death, but less chance of actually dying.

Angeal said such logic didn't make sense and that all he was doing was inevitably terrifying his soulmate—"whoever the poor asshole happened to be"—but Zack ardently disagreed. Which was usually the end of the conversation because Angeal never wanted to listen to him moon about how amazing his soulmate was going to be when he finally met them.

Not that he really needed anyone to be listening in the first place. He'd always been a dreamer and was more than capable of distracting himself with thoughts of his soulmate even if no one else cared.

Especially since thoughts and dreams were all he had.

Frowning, Zack closed his eyes and allowed his arm to collapse across his forehead. Once again, he'd been sent out to deal with danger and, once again, it'd hardly proved to be challenging enough to render him in mortal peril or anywhere near death. The dragon had been a moderate threat, but seeing as it'd failed to so much as scratch him before he'd shoved his sword down it's throat, he'd hardly put it in his top five "deadliest scenarios that might have led to meeting his soulmate."

"Ugh, where are you?" he muttered, rolling onto his side and frowning at the heavy black words etched into his skin. "I'm trying to find you, really. But I don't want to wait my whole life to be with you."

Not that he was ungrateful. He'd seen plenty of people with words so faded that they were no longer legible, meaning that their soulmate had passed away. Nor was he a poor schmuck like Sephiroth who didn't even have a soulmate, no words showing up anywhere on his skin. He considered the dark starkness of his words to be a blessing, but that hardly tempered his patience.

After all, he'd worked his way into SOLDIER first class and still, nothing…

"I know you're not trying to be mean," he muttered, pouting at the words now, "but this game of keep-away is getting old."

If Angeal could hear him, he'd probably scoff and throw something at him. Which was why he kept his whining to himself. Comparatively, he was still very young as far as meeting soulmates went. Plenty, if not a majority, of people won't have met their soulmates by nineteen. For some, it took half their life or more.

But Zack didn't want to spend half his life or more without his soulmate. He wanted them there, with him, for as long as possible. The sooner he found them, the sooner they could spend their lives together.

He just wanted to be with them so badly…

"Zack!" There was a heavy knock on his apartment door. "Do you have your incident report done?"

"Oh, shit, uh, working on it now!" Throwing himself to his feet, he slid in his socks across the floor to his desk, slamming himself into his chair to look convincingly like he'd been working just as Angeal pushed his way through the door.

His mentor wasn't the least bit impressed as Zack grinned up at him, instead releasing a heavy sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You should have had that report in yesterday, just after the incident," he scolded.

"I've been working on it," Zack lied. "You know how much I hate reports…"

"It's part of being a first class SOLDIER," Angeal said stiffly. "You'd better get used to it."

Zack huffed, but didn't offer a rebuke as he turned his attention to the papers on his desk.

Behind him, Angeal loitered a little longer by the door before moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Which inevitably drew Zack's attention. One, because he didn't want to write his report, and two, because Angeal would only stick around if he had something to say.

Pooching his bottom lip, Zack stared at his mentor for some seconds before shoving himself away from the desk. His rolling chair glided toward the bed, only coming to a stop as it bumped into his footboard.

"So…" Zack started.

Angeal sighed again. "You're being cycled off missions," he said.

"What?! No!"

"That's just how it works, Zack. You know that. You've spent the last three months on mission call."

"But I don't want to be stuck here…"

"You'll cycle back out in three months."

"UGH!"

"There's plenty for you to do while you're here."

"Nothing dangerous!"

Angeal rolled his eyes. "It's good for you. Your reputation as a prodigy can only take you so far. Getting familiar with the troops outside SOLDIER will start to build up trust. You can't be a successful member of SOLDIER if the troops that serve with us don't know or trust you."

"It's gonna be so boring…"

"Training new recruits isn't boring," Angeal scolded. "It's an opportunity."

Zack was doubtful.

"Look, the future of SOLDIER exists in those recruits. Sometimes the Turks manage to find good candidates, but only we know what it takes to be part of SOLDIER. And an even fewer number of us know what it takes to make First. That's one of your key responsibilities when you're grounded: finding new potential and helping to hone their talents."

Zack stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Like how you did with me."

"Exactly. People who have what it takes to make First are far and few between, and oftentimes less obvious than one would think. You know just as well as I do that it's not just about strength and battle skill."

"It's about discipline, dedication, and passion," Zack added, having been told as much by Angeal many times.

"Exactly. It's a lot harder to find that kind of personality than most people think. And such qualities often manifest in unexpected ways. Which is why we need keen eyes on all potential recruits. The Turks are good at finding candidates for third and maybe even second, but not anyone can be a First. _We_ have to find those people."

"Right…"

"Think of it as a mission. It's your job to evaluate every new recruit and see if they make the cut. Most, if not all of them, won't. You have to be critical and harsh in your evaluations, because only a person with the right kind of will and want can survive SOLDIER training."

"It's not about muscles, it's about the mind." Zack once again repeated the words that had been told to him many times over, tapping the side of his head as he did.

"Right," Angeal agreed, smiling as he patted Zack encouragingly on the shoulder. "The muscles can always come later."

"And if I don't find anyone?"

"It's better to be honest about our options than settle for someone who won't make it."

"Right."

"And try to go for someone who will actually do their reports," Angeal finished, which had Zack grimacing.

"I doubt such a perfect person exists."

A statement that earned him another eye roll.

"Make sure you get that done," Angeal said, gesturing to Zack's desk as he stood. "Don't finish out your first three-month cycle with tardiness."

"Sure thing, bossman," Zack assured, waiting until Angeal had walked out—closing the door behind him—before slumping and rolling his way back over to his desk.

It took him longer than most to finish his report, and he was certain the quality was lacking. But, more than likely, only Angeal and maybe Sephiroth would ever see it, so he supposed there was little point in begrudging the matter.

Slipping it inside the expected manila folder, he pulled on his boots, armed himself (always be ready for conflict—SOLDIER rule number one), and headed out the door. The report had to be delivered to Angeal's office, and the sooner he did it, the sooner he didn't have to worry about it anymore. Maybe he'd head down below the plate to go see Aerith afterward. She'd been texting his PHS earlier that week about getting together.

Heading to the elevator, he punched the "5" button, prepared to wait to be taken all the way down to the bottom of Shinra headquarters. The designated SOLDIER apartments were on level 98, but their offices were spread out, generally put in places more related to their everyday work. As a new First, Zack didn't have an office, but now that he was being cycled off missions, he'd likely be assigned one. Angeal's office was on the fifth floor, because most of his duties outside missions related to training new SOLDIER recruits, as well as occasional work with the infantry.

Zack supposed his own office would probably be somewhere nearby Angeal's.

Arriving on the fifth floor, he ducked quickly out the door and headed to Angeal's office. Slipping his report into the metal mailbox on the door, he considered his work done. Turning on his heel, he went back the way he'd come, ready to head on down to the plate.

Unfortunately, he came to a stumbling stop when something down one of the many halls caught his attention. The fifth floor was the main hub for the infantry and third class SOLDIER barracks. He wasn't surprised, therefore, to see four infantry personnel loitering in the hallway. It _was_ their turf, so to speak.

But he was a little perturbed by the way the smallest of the four was leaning against the wall, almost as if he'd been shoved harshly into it, while the other three surrounded him. They were wearing light blues, which meant they were the lowest ranking of the rifle core—probably young meat just out of cadet status.

None of it boded well, not if Zack's experience as a cadet served as a reminder.

"Hey!" he yelled, causing them all to snap their attention his way as he marched down the hall toward them. No doubt noticing his uniform, they all quickly turned and straightened, offering salutes. Even the smaller one, though it took him a moment longer to push himself off the wall before bringing his hand up.

"What's going on here?" Zack asked, making sure to put on his severe, commanding officer face as he crossed his arms over his chest. He stared at them all critically, aware that blood was dripping from the small soldier's nose. Was that a bruise on his jaw as well?

"N—Nothing, Sir," one of the others answered. "We were just messing around and things got a little too rough by accident."

 _Bullshit_. "Really…"

"We were practicing hand-to-hand, Sir!" another added.

Yeah, on this poor kid's face. They weren't wearing their helmets, which helped him to memorize their faces, but also made it all the clearer that the blonde one with the spikey hair was quite a bit younger. He almost looked too young, and too scrawny, to be in the army in the first place.

Somehow, he was familiar…

"Is that the way of it?" Zack asked, looking directly to the blonde as he asked.

For a few seconds, the kid didn't say anything. Didn't even look up. But he did eventually nod, though he kept his eyes trained on the carpet.

Zack took a resigned breath. He knew full-well this wasn't an accident, but he couldn't exactly do anything about it if the one being beat on wasn't willing to say anything. Not that he really blamed the blonde—it'd likely cause him more problems if he was the type to rat out others. Zack wasn't stupid, after all. Prodigy he may be when it came to SOLDIER, but he hadn't started out that way. He knew perfectly well how nasty cadets and new soldiers could be. A pecking order had to be established and that meant the weaker ones had to be put in their place, or some such archaic nonsense.

Weakness was subjective, in the end, but that sort of concept was hard to figure in the beginning.

"Alright," Zack eventually conceded. "But it ends here. If you want to train, then you need to check into a practice room. If I catch any of you out here acting like little assholes again, you won't get off with a warning, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" they all chanted, with the exception of the blonde, who kept silently staring down at the carpet.

Supposing there was nothing else to be done, Zack cast them all one last, severe look, before he slowly turned and headed back the way he'd come. None of them even dared move until he was around the corner out of sight.

Though he wasn't totally confident he'd done much good, Zack hoped that perhaps his intervention had spared the blonde kid any more harassment, at least for the rest of the night. He'd have to keep an eye out from then on. He'd be training some new recruits, so hopefully he'd be able to nip any bullying in the bud before it could catch on further.

These guys were in the army now, after all, not some high school drama. It was about time they learned a lesson, if that was what they had coming.

Maybe Angeal was right—perhaps he could do something productive with his first cycle off missions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of surprised at the positive response this fic is getting. I mean, I kinda figured that because it was FF7, it'd do better than my other Final Fantasy fics, but at the same time, I also assumed that it being Clack would counter act any of that, lol. So thank you guys for all the wonderful comments and I'm so glad so many of you are so excited to see what happens. Hopefully this chapter keeps you guys interested and please continue to leave such nice comments--they really help me stay interested and inspired <3
> 
> I love Zack so much, lol. He's such a sweety and I love writing about him. It's nice that I feel inspired for this, because Zack really is my favorite FF boy, only just above Tidus and Zidane (I clearly have a type, lol).


	3. Chapter 3

_Present Day_

Recovering from mako poisoning and addiction was hard to explain. Years later, Cloud was still finding himself suffering the consequences—consequences he hadn't even realized were part of his life until what was missing suddenly filtered back into his consciousness. In some ways, he'd been walking around for years like an ice statue, one that was slowly and unexpectedly thawing. After all, it was hard to know what parts of you were missing until those parts resurfaced.

Following his first bout of mako poisoning, he'd taken on a different identity. He'd lied to himself so thoroughly that he'd believed his own lies. Tifa was the one that eventually broke through—that helped him to face the reality that who he was wasn't at all what he'd told himself. It was this raw truth that caused him to realize just how empty and jumbled his mind had become.

But back then, they'd been facing the end of the world. There hadn't been time to reflect on the past when they'd had an obligation to move forward. He'd sprinted to the finish line, able to do little more than acknowledge parts of his past. It was a sort of denial, really. Maybe fear—fear of what he'd find if he rifled too deeply through his memories.

He'd known he'd been a Shinra infantryman, even if all he'd remembered were fuzzy ideas of the truth. He'd known Zack Fair and, instinctively, known they were friends. No, best friends. Zack had saved him. Zack was dead. And then he was in Midgar and Tifa was there, and then Aerith…

And Aerith died too. But he'd pressed on. On and on, until the geostigma had taken hold and stranded him in a helpless, confused mantra of guilt and confusion. People he'd loved were dead and somehow he should have been able to do something about it. But he was powerless and empty, just as unable to do anything for Denzel as he had been for them.

Yet, somehow, that had cleared away too. He had Tifa to thank, and Aerith. Zack as well. He still wasn't sure if he'd really seen them—Aerith and Zack—during those dark days, or if the resurfacing, struggling parts of his memory had just been that desperate to be acknowledged. To link the guilt he felt over Aerith with the guilt over Zack, which he was still struggling to grapple with.

Slowly, the fog was filtering away. But it wasn't slow enough to work in parallel with the life he'd led. Instead, it was like reliving all the things he'd only been able to previously acknowledge. It was the difference between watching a tragedy and then living through it himself. So many questions his psyche hadn't allowed him to ask himself were now left in the sand after the retreating tide.

Sometimes it made sense, but other times it was just a feeling. A feeling of agony and loss. That was how it'd started. Something in him had begun to crack with grief that he'd been unable to understand, like his insides were realizing something his brain didn't.

He should be happy, he'd told himself. He had a family and a business and the world wasn't threatened anymore. He'd come to terms with Aerith's death, with the fact of Zack's existence and how it'd ended.

He hadn't understood that there were key parts of loss he hadn't yet partaken in. With Aerith, it'd all been natural. In his head, her passing was clear as day. It'd been hard, but he'd dealt with it. They'd come out the other side making sure her death hadn't been in vain.

The mistake he'd made was assuming that he'd gone through this same process with Zack, only that he'd forgotten it. But, as it would turn out, his brain had been turned to mush before he'd even really realized Zack was gone. There'd been no mourning, no loss. Zack had died and his broken brain had internalized the whole thing, deciding instead to _become_ Zack instead of mourn him. Even after he'd accepted the truth, he'd failed to recognize this missed step.

But now… now that his memories were coming back, he was faced with the acute reality of what he'd lost. At first it'd been slow, him remembering things from his days as a Shinra infantryman. He hadn't even initially realized that these were lost memories until Tifa had mentioned it one day, apparently surprised at an anecdote he'd recalled, because she'd assumed he never talked about his time in Shinra because he'd lost it all.

It was then that he'd realized what was happening. Why his dreams were starting to wake him up at night and why his heart felt so incredibly heavy in his chest.

And so he wasn't just watching Zack's death through a fuzzy screen anymore—he was there. And he wasn't just recollecting being Zack's friend as if he was telling someone else's story—he was remembering all the time they'd spent together, all the stupid things they'd done and said, all the facts of their relationship that he'd locked away.

Years he'd been living without Zack, but somehow it felt like he'd only just lost him.

It made it hard to breathe. Hard to talk. Hard to live. And unlike how grief would normally progress—where the loss is felt most strongly in the beginning and then slowly begins to fade—he felt like he was going in reverse. With every memory that resurfaced, those pangs grew more severe. On top of knowing that it could only get worse, because he was slogging through time already knowing the outcome, yet unable to stop himself from becoming so infatuated.

The day his brain had made the connection between Zack and the faded writing on his arm, he'd been horribly sick, throwing up everything until his whole body had felt empty. It was in such terrible moments that he realized just how broken his brain was. Because of course Zack was his soulmate—he'd known this, even as he'd realized it all over again. But his memories were blacked out words in a book. Sure, the context might explain what was obvious, but he was so close sometimes that it didn't really hit him until the words were uncovered completely.

He didn't know what to do anymore. It hurt so badly, and got worse and worse every day.

"I never really forgot, Zack," he murmured. "But it's becoming so hard to remember."

Around him, a cool breeze whispered across the barren landscape. The growing city of Edge rose up in the distance, Midgar's ruins sitting behind. But though he could see it, none of the noise carried up the cliff side. He stood in near-silence, unfocused on his surroundings and relatively vulnerable in comparison to what was normally a defensive shield of enhanced strength and senses.

Remembering did that to him more and more often these days. Partly because he wanted to be numb to all despite the futility of that thought process, but also because beginning to recall the memories he'd lost kept dragging him back to a time before… before Nibelheim and the torture that followed. When he'd been a scrawny kid with dreams and ambitions and so much adoration. True, his life hadn't been perfect back then. In fact, parts of it had been downright horrific, resulting in plenty of memories he wished he'd never remembered at all.

But from where he stood then, staring down at the dirt where Zack had drawn his last breath, he felt like he'd willingly go through it all again, just to see his best friend one last time.

"I wish I could have been there when you needed me," he murmured. "What must it have been like…?" To lay dying in the dirt, ruined and in pain, only for the one you'd been struggling so hard to save to leave you behind.

The memory was more and more vivid every day. And though he could see it when he closed his eyes, he couldn't make up for the lack of connection he'd made during Zack's last moments. The voice inside him then, that was able to look back, screamed as he remembered it, begged him to stay, to say more than he had. But the mako poisoning blocked it, left him victim to his broken brain and the way he turned away without even checking to make sure Zack was gone.

It haunted him, the thought that perhaps he'd taken Zack's sword and left while Zack had still breathed. No, there was no way Zack could have survived, but Cloud could have stayed. Should have, but had been too messed up to really comprehend what'd been going on.

He'd crawled through the mud, shaky and wavering like a baby just learning to lift its head. And as he'd stared down at Zack, he'd known who he was, but every few seconds, that truth had slipped away. Only to return and slip away again, a never ending cycle as he stared blankly down at Zack's bleeding body.

Had Zack said something to him? If he had, he couldn't remember. He could see the blood, the bullet wounds. Zack's pale, rain-covered face and his dried, parted lips as he'd gasped for breath.

He'd said something. Cloud knew he had! But he couldn't…

His brain flashed ahead before he could grasp it.

Had he screamed? Had he cried?

It was so hard to know.

Instead, his thoughts jumped ahead to the way he struggled to stand and walk away, dragging the buster sword behind him. He'd limped off down the cliff, away from Zack, and he'd never looked back.

Closing his eyes, Cloud flinched at the way gunshots echoed in his thoughts, restarting the memory all over again—as if he'd somehow be able to change anything.

He needed to think of something else. Anything else. But even though it was torture, he didn't want to move on.

He missed him.

He missed him so much.

Hand instinctively reaching out, he gripped around his right forearm. The pain his own hold inflicted mirrored the agony tearing across his chest, his breath catching in his throat. Regret coursed through him, threatening to reignite the guilt that he tried so hard to stop from ruling his life.

How had Zack felt, dying and cold and alone, because Cloud had left him? Because Cloud had been too weak to fight the mako addiction, leaving him a useless husk that Zack had dragged around to futile ends.

He should have stayed with him.

He should have died with him.

Breath trembling, Cloud tried to push the memory from his thoughts, but it continued to replay over and over and over again. Weak and exhausted, his legs buckled out from under him, leaving him to topple to his knees in the dirt.

He could see it, Zack's prone body, sprawled out in the mud as dark clouds had rolled in from behind Midgar's glowing silhouette. Bullet holes littered his chest, the fabric of his woolen uniform torn and fluttering in the chilly wind.

Blood streaked down from a wound in his hair, streaming into his eye. More of it soon erupted from between his lips—evidence of the way his lungs were struggling to function despite the hopelessness of the situation.

While Cloud simply stared down at him, fading in and out of awareness even as his whole world crumbled around him.

He could have reached out and wiped the blood from Zack's eye. He could have held him in his arms or cradled his head in his lap. He could have at least _been there_ , even if there'd been nothing else. After everything that Zack had done for him…

Yet, he'd just turned and walked away.

And now Zack was gone.

"But I'm still here," he whispered, his whole body slumping as he tried to push back on the wave of grief that threatened to unhinge him entirely.

He knew that saying such things was wrong. Thinking them too, for that matter. He had a family—people that depended on him. They couldn't afford to be dragged down by his past. Nor did he want to leave them for a memory. But it felt as though he'd lost part of himself. An entire half of himself, which had been numb until recently. And now he could feel it as if it'd only just happened—a throbbing nerve that he couldn't ignore.

It was so painful it was crippling, his whole body giving out under the pressure.

His hands found the ground, vision bleary in lieu of the tears he hadn't even realized had formed behind his eyes. He gripped helplessly at the dirt, memories yet again flashing to Zack and how he'd been lying there, slowly but surely slipping away.

Closing his eyes again, a gasping whine escaped his lips, leaving him helplessly shaking his head as he tried to rid himself of the image. It remained, however, stamped into his mind's eye. Inescapable. Inevitable.

He was hunched over on the cliff, his head falling into his hands as his fingers dug desperately through his hair. His shuddering breath had turned to sobs, his whole body trembling as every muscle and bone sagged inside him. Pulling him into the ground until he felt as though he'd never be able to lift himself back up.

There was no rain, no sunlight, nothing to wash it all away. He was caught in the dry breeze, his own agony trapped beneath the heavy clouds. Suffocating him. Strangling him. Until every part of him felt dry and empty. Parched. A phantom stump upon which there was nothing but pain, guilt, and regret.

Half of him was dead, and there was nothing he could do to ever bring it back.

_9 Years Ago_

The army was boring, or so Cloud was quickly learning. As a new recruit fresh out of boot camp, most of his ten-hour shifts were spent guarding empty hallways or standing at attention while all the Shinra employees went about their business. The only good thing about the arrangement was that he'd lucked out and gotten first shift, meaning he had to be at his post by six in the morning. For anti-morning people, this wouldn't be considered a good thing, but Cloud was thankful his afternoons were free. A majority of the extra classes he could take were scheduled in the afternoon, which meant he could fill up as much of his spare time as possible. And the more classes he took (barring he did well) meant he was that much more prepared for the SOLDIER exam in eight months. Or so he assumed.

Fact of the matter was, the Shinra military didn't care what a recruit's goals were or how difficult it'd be to achieve them. They didn't assign shifts with any sense of consideration as far as available classes and their times of day. Which was why Cloud figured he was lucky. For at least three months, he'd be on first shift (shift switches and classes were scheduled on three-month cycles). Which meant he needed to take advantage of the opportunity while he could.

He went in to work six days a week at six in the morning and got out at four in the afternoon. Evening classes generally started at five and then again at seven. So he'd decided that it wouldn't be impossible to have two classes scheduled a day, which would have him getting out at nine. Following classes, he'd then had two to three hours to either train or study before he absolutely had to go to bed. Five hours of sleep a night wasn't great, but it was definitely better than nothing. Besides, his days off were on Tuesdays, so he could catch up on his sleep then, before doing any training or work yet left undone and going to his classes as usual.

The only day he didn't have classes were Sundays, so he figured that would be the day he dedicated most to any homework or necessary training. Time was of the essence, after all, and he didn't intend on wasting any of it.

He had six classes on his roster, which was two more than the usual. Mondays and Wednesdays, he had Novice Materia and Strategic Development, the first being rather self-explanatory while the latter focused on in-field battle and strategic tactics—something he figured a SOLDIER ought to know. On Tuesdays and Fridays, he had Rifles 1.0 and Hand-to-Hand Basics, which were actually required classes that he couldn't get out of. He looked forward to these the least, because it meant he was sharing classes with at least some of the cadets he'd failed to get along with during boot camp. And on Wednesdays and Saturdays, he had Stealth Training and Sword Basics. Of course, he knew that all of these classes were beginner-type classes and it didn't mean he'd be prepared for the SOLDIER exam in eight months. But hopefully he'd be able to take another six classes after these, which would help, and do as much personal training as possible.

Somehow, he just had to make it.

He'd already been to his first class—Novice Materia—and it'd definitely been… intimidating. Mostly because he'd been the only infantryman in the entire class. Over half of it had been made up of Third Class SOLDIERS, and the rest had all been civilians who—he'd learned—mostly worked under Shinra's science department. This had also, by default, made him the youngest in the room. Initially, he'd been shocked and nervous, wondering if he'd made some sort of mistake. Maybe he wasn't actually allowed to take this class. But though their instructor—an older woman in a lab coat—had cocked a surprised eyebrow in his direction, she hadn't said anything.

He'd then been paranoid that perhaps he'd be behind because obviously all the other students must have taken some sort of prerequisite that he'd missed. Yet, those sentiments had settled some after the class had actually started. While there was some terminology thrown around that he didn't know, it'd been easy enough to catch on. Turns out, Novice Materia was more of a beginner theory course than a materia-use course. In order to take In-Field Materia, one had to first pass Novice. Which meant he wouldn't actually be using any materia until maybe the last week, instead learning about it and its uses.

Which was fine. By the sounds of the conversations he'd overheard between the Third Class SOLDIERS, they were required to take the first two basic materia classes in order to get their first round of mako injections. Some of them were begrudging having not taken it before they'd made SOLDIER, so that was somewhat comforting. He was definitely in a good place, or so he told himself, even if he was sitting alone in the back as the only infantryman.

He'd get through it though, of that he was fairly certain.

Next, then, was Strategic Development. This one he was actually somewhat excited about. It sounded like it'd be the sort of class that might actually be useful down the line, and from the summary, they might even go out on the field for practice.

Thankfully, the classroom where they met was near to where he'd had Novice Materia, so he had just enough time to jog down the hall and around the corner, skirting in just as the clocks were ticking over to seven pm.

He stood somewhat stupidly in the doorway for a few seconds after entering, hit by anxiety upon realizing that he was once again outnumbered by those of higher ranks than himself. There were a few other guardsmen, but their darker uniform made it clear they were at least three years his senior by standard promotion, perhaps more. A majority of those present were wearing green uniforms, making them field experts, though he couldn't tell any more just by looking at them. While the smattering of those in red were actually his direct superiors.

There were a few Third Class SOLDIERS as well.

Ignoring any looks leveled his way, Cloud took a seat in the back and kept his eyes low, supposing it would be best to draw as little attention to himself as possible. He was there to learn, not to get into any trouble. Granted, trouble generally found him no matter what he did, but that didn't mean he needed to go looking.

Most turned away from him, disinterested, while a few murmured. Thankfully, any gossip about his presence was cut short by the man who walked in next.

The sight of him left Cloud in awe.

General Angeal Hewley. He'd served alongside Sephiroth in the war with Wutai and come back nearly as well decorated, though perhaps without as much pomp and circumstance. He was a huge man—well over six foot—and was armed with his giant buster sword. It hung from the back of his black, First Class SOLDIER uniform, the matching pauldrons on his shoulders looking well-worn. His dark hair was long, dusting his shoulders, and a bit of facial hair littered his chin. He had a wide, strong face and jaw—the sort of look that screamed masculinity and muscle.

He strode right into the room, going to the front before turning to face them.

Everyone immediately got to their feet and saluted, though Cloud was in such awe that he nearly tripped over his chair as he followed.

"At ease," Angeal said easily enough, his deep voice carrying all the way to the back of the room. "Sit down." And, of course, everyone did. "I'll be your instructor this quarter. Normally, I wouldn't be teaching beginner courses, so I'm sure most of you are surprised to see me here."

Shocked, more like. Cloud was certain his heart was beating so loud that everyone in the room could hear it.

"But the content of this class is a little more in-depth than some combat training courses, so I'll be here to teach not only you, but to run our newest instructor through the motions." He nodded toward the door then, all of them whipping their heads around to follow.

Gaping, Cloud felt his heart drop down into his boots.

"Zack Fair," Angeal introduced, just as the man himself came through the door. He was grinning—looking friendly enough—and even offered them all a light wave. "Don't anyone get up to salute," Angeal cut in as those in the room started to grow restless. "Once is enough."

"Aw, Ang, but maybe I wanna be saluted," Zack replied playfully, making his way by the desks to join Angeal at the front of the room.

"Get here on time, then," Angeal reasoned, which pulled a light shrug from Zack.

It took all of Cloud's self-control not to stare.

How had this happened? Zack Fair was going to be his _instructor_? But that—just—it couldn't be—it interfered with all his plans!

This was bad. Very, very bad.

Self-conscious, Cloud reached out and gripped his right forearm. Granted, his soulmark was covered, but in those moments, it felt like it was burning through his uniform.

Though it'd happened the week before, the memory of Zack yanking him out of danger was still fresh in his mind. It'd been his first required field operation—supposed to be an easy in-and-out task that would solidify him as a guardsman and put him on regular duty. Encountering a dragon that required SOLDIER interference had never been part of the plan, nor had the loss of so many new soldiers.

But shit happened, or so Cloud had been told by his superiors. He'd been moved to another squad and expected to just move on. Which he generally was. Nightmares kept him up a bit, but he was in the army—he couldn't dwell on it too long.

He'd been more distracted by the fact that Zack Fair, of all the people on the planet, was his soulmate. Or so his soulmark would lead him to believe. It was both unbelievable and ridiculous, and for a few days, Cloud had refused to even accept it. Clearly, a mistake had been made, be it by himself or the fates.

Eventually, however, reality had started to trickle in. He hadn't actually said anything to Zack, so whatever words were etched into Zack's arm were yet a mystery, but inevitably he'd slip up and say _something_ to the older man. Which was a circumstance he'd decided he'd have to postpone as long as possible.

He couldn't just go up to Zack and say "hey, I think we're soulmates!" It was simply out of the question. One, because he still wasn't entirely sure it was actually true, but, two, because it was just far too embarrassing to think about.

Zack was a First Class SOLDIER—a prodigy trained personally by Angeal Hewley. He was the golden boy and everything Cloud dreamed of becoming. He certainly didn't need some inexperienced, weak, pathetic infantryman to be his soulmate. Just the idea of it had Cloud burning up in shame. Plainly put, he wasn't anywhere _near_ good enough for Zack Fair. If he went up to Zack then and explained the situation, well… No, that wasn't even something he wanted to think about.

Zack would be… He'd… He'd be _so_ disappointed.

Cloud was by no means an impressive person, after all. Just the night before, he'd been getting his teeth kicked in and, once again, Zack had come to his aid.

And now he was one of his instructors? Were the fates trying to play some kind of practical joke on him? It just wasn't fair! He needed time—time to study and get stronger and train. Maybe by the time he made it into SOLDIER, he wouldn't be such a joke. Perhaps, _then_ , he'd confront Zack. But not anytime in the near future!

This was a disaster. He'd planned to just be careful never to say anything, ever, to Zack if he'd ever happened to encounter him again. And now twice he'd already found himself in Zack's immediate vicinity.

How was he supposed to get away with silence if Zack was his instructor?

No way. This just couldn't be possible. He'd had a plan! And that plan meant never talking to Zack, ever, ever, ever!

He just… didn't think he'd be able to handle Zack's disappointment…

"…so you'll all want to come prepared for excursions outside of HQ…"

Pushing back on his shock, Cloud forcefully pulled his attention away from Zack, who was watching Angeal, and instead did his best to focus on what was being said. But now that he knew Zack was one of his instructors—whether he was being mentored for the position or not—he found himself paranoid.

As discretely as possible, he pulled his PHS out of his pocket. Keeping it in his lap, he very carefully tapped the screen until he was able to pull up his schedule. He'd never bothered to check the assigned instructors, assuming it was pointless because he hadn't fathomed he'd know any of them, or even know _of_ them. It'd never occurred to him that SOLDIERS of any rank would be instructors. Somehow, he'd always just assumed they were… above such menial jobs?

In any case, he'd only looked at the times and locations of his classes, as well as any required supplies. But to the far right of his schedule, he knew the instructors were listed. Scrolling over on the graph, he did his best to be secretive as he read down the list.

What he found only dropped his spirits further.

Both Angeal Hewley and Zack Fair were listed as instructors for Strategic Development. But that wasn't the end for Zack Fair. No, he was also listed as instructor for Hand-to-Hand Basics _and_ Sword Basics.

Half of his schedule was taught by Zack Fair.

Maybe he should drop them. But that would ruin his momentum for making SOLDIER. Dropping classes resulted in stiff penalizations. If he dropped any classes at all, he probably wouldn't even be eligible for the next SOLDIER exam. Besides, he didn't want to make a bad impression on the Firsts who were involved in his classes. Signing up and then dropping classes would just result in him having wasted their time. Which wasn't a good place to start building a reputation.

"Strife?"

He'd just have to do his best to say absolutely nothing to Zack Fair. He could pull it off, probably.

"…Strife?"

No one in any of his classes even knew him. Well, that wasn't true—people in hand-to-hand would definitely know him. So faking that he was a mute was probably off the table.

"Cloud Strife?!"

Taking in a quick breath, Cloud snapped his head up, eyes wide as he made the mistake of meeting Angeal Hewley's gaze, which was boring into his own. He had a tablet in his hands and had clearly been taking rollcall. Based on the way his severe stare was focused on Cloud, he must know who he was despite having been calling out his name. Likely because Cloud was the only new recruit in the room.

Swallowing hard, Cloud yanked his attention back down to the desk and silently raised his hand. Not the best response someone could give to rollcall, but it avoided him having to speak. Or to acknowledge the thoughtful head-tilt Zack had also been leveling in his direction.

While Angeal did audibly sigh, his response was apparently satisfactory, as they moved on to other names following. Cloud, however, was stuck feeling hot and embarrassed. Leaning his elbows on the table, he covered his face with his hands and did his best to vanish into nothing.

Unfortunately, a good hour and fifty minutes of the class remained. Which rounded out to being about the longest two hours of his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, things will really start getting interesting after this chapter, both in the past and the present. Hopefully you've all stuck around through the world-building, lol.


	4. Chapter 4

_Present Day_

Lightly, Tifa knocked on the door and waited. It took a moment, but eventually she heard Cloud's soft voice from the other side. "It's open," he said, though Tifa thought there was something rather ironic in the statement. Still, she took the invitation and gently pushed his bedroom door open.

He was sitting as his desk with his back to her. He was slumped forward, the room dark aside from the desk lamp was that shining down on whatever he was diligently working on. Probably delivery orders for the next morning, or perhaps pay checks. He didn't turn as she walked in, instead continuing silently with his work while she sat down and made herself comfortable on the edge of his bed nearby.

She didn't interrupt, waiting patiently until he was finished and able to take a break. Though Cloud could be what some would describe as aloof, Tifa had learned that he was simply more the type to be hyper-focused. She knew that once his mind was clear of whatever he was doing, he'd turn her way.

Some three minutes later, he sealed whatever he'd been writing in an envelope, before finally turning. To those who didn't know him, he expression would appear blank, perhaps even cold. But Tifa could see the questioning expression in the slight shift of his eyebrows and the way his glowing eyes searched her own.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," she explained. "You didn't say much at dinner." He'd come in late after being out doing deliveries for some three days. But despite being tired, he'd sat down to dinner with her and Denzel, talkative enough to satisfy any of his adopted son's burning questions. He'd even stayed at the table for dessert, smiling softly at the way Denzel had chattered on, albeit in the boy's quiet, shy sort of way. After Denzel had been shipped off to bed, he'd retreated to his room to work while Tifa had cleaned up downstairs.

"I'm just tired," he said, his voice gentle and subdued, just as it'd always been. She'd taken comfort in that voice, even back during the days when he'd been trying too hard to be the "cool guy." There was something inherently soft about Cloud. Maybe strangers would interpret it as weakness, but Tifa knew better. Possessing a gentle soul didn't make someone weak. Oftentimes, it proved that Cloud was all the stronger, because where his life experiences might have destroyed a weak person, or turned them bitter and hateful, he had retained his gentleness. It was a rare quality after all that had befallen their world.

Tifa nodded, biting the inside of her cheek before deciding there was no point in hiding her concerned curiosities. "I know you've been… struggling lately. So please, don't hide from me—tell me what's going on."

He blinked—processing her words, perhaps—before he released a heavy sigh and turned away.

"I'm not hiding anything," he replied. "It's just not something I want to talk about."

"Cloud." Reaching out, Tifa placed a gentle hand on his arm, once again drawing his eyes her way.

"It's not something that anyone can do anything about," he reasoned. "And I'd rather not think about it more than I already do. I'll get over it—I just need time."

Tifa frowned. "There are some things we never get over, Cloud. But that doesn't mean you have to deal with it alone."

It was a statement that earned her a small smile. "I know, Tifa. I'm not going to go off on my own again. It's just… too hard to talk about right now."

His gaze lowered as she watched him, something painful and sad flashing only quickly across his expression. And while Tifa knew she was one of the few people that could push Cloud without being totally shut out, she decided to take a step back for now.

"Denzel missed you while you were gone," she started, deciding to change the subject. "I think he's been a bit lonely with Marlene gone."

"Yeah, I thought maybe he would be. I'll try and take him out tomorrow. Maybe we'll get ice cream or take a drive out to Billie's."

"Oh yeah? I bet Denzel isn't the only one who wants to go out to the farm."

Cloud spared her another small smile. "I find chocobos relaxing, you know that."

"Mind if I come too?" She smiled.

"Of course not. Though your regulars will be disappointed."

"It's my bar—I can close it if I want to. Besides, you earn more than enough these days to make up the difference."

"Admitting to using me for my money, huh?"

"Apparently I have no shame."

He chuckled.

"Also, in speaking of our living arrangements," she continued. "Denzel asked me an interesting question earlier."

Cloud allowed one of his eyebrows to cock ever so slightly.

"We were talking about how Marlene was living with Barret now, and how it didn't change the fact that we were all still family. But Barret is Marlene's dad much like you're his dad, that sort of thing. At which point, he looked at me and asked when you and I were going to get married."

Cloud was clearly puzzled following, that trademark crease appearing between his eyebrows.

"I get why he'd ask—his parents were married before the plate fell, so his idea of a nuclear family is rather straightforward. And while it's been some years now, he's probably looking for that same kind of structure. It might help if you talked to him. Explain that just because our family isn't the same, doesn't mean he's any less safe and secure as a result."

"Or I could just marry you," Cloud muttered.

"Is that a proposal? Gee, Cloud, how romantic." Tifa rolled her eyes.

Truth be told, though, if Cloud really did ask her, she'd probably say yes. While she and Cloud weren't currently intimate with each other, they lived like they were. A couple, that was. Underneath that wasn't really the case, but Tifa was quite confident that Cloud was unlikely to fall in love and she, well, she'd given up on that a long time ago.

She loved Cloud. Maybe she'd even been a little in love with him at one point, when adrenaline had been high and the end of the world had loomed on the horizon. But though they'd shared quite a few passionate nights together, it'd eventually fizzled out. Not in a disappointing way, but more as though they'd grown comfortable enough with one another that the idea of physical intimacy had lost some of its "necessity." They'd rekindled that connection a few times, but it'd always struck Tifa as more of a stress relief for both of them than anything romantic.

Which was okay. Better than okay, really, because Tifa didn't need a romantic connection with Cloud. She was just happy to have him there. After the destruction of Nibelheim, they were all each other had of their past. They shared a bond that no one else could ever hope to understand, and an emotional intimacy that was safe. No one else on the planet put Tifa at ease the way Cloud did. He was her best friend, her rock, and she knew that so long as he was there, everything would be okay.

"You're the boss around here," he said. "If you think we should get married, then I'll start writing my vows right now."

"No, that's alright," Tifa replied, leaning her hands flat back on the bed as she did. "I'm saving myself for something better." A joke, obviously.

"Wow, thanks."

"You're not my soulmate."

"We both know soulmates don't always work out."

"So we should settle for each other? I'd rather not dash Denzel's ideas about what's possible as far as his own soulmate goes. Just because I'll never find mine and yours… The point is, we should be setting a good example."

"I'm confused. So are we getting married or not?"

She laughed. "No!"

"Probably for the best. You _could_ still find yours, after all. And what would he think if you were already married? I'd have to fight him or something, and that sounds like a total drag."

"Probably, since you murdering my soulmate would likely put you on my bad side."

"You'd forgive me."

"That's not the point."

"What is the point?"

"This conversation has gone way off the rails."

"You brought it up."

Tifa huffed.

"Just talk to Denzel, okay? I don't want him to have the wrong idea."

Cloud ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, alright."

Leaning forward again, Tifa unconsciously fingered the words printed on her wrist, something she always did when soulmates were brought up. It was a self-conscious action, one that Cloud noticed. Reaching out, he very gently took her hands in his own.

"You _could_ still find your soulmate," he repeated, this time more firmly.

"You know I gave up on that a long time ago." Gaze downcast, she stared at the words that had mocked her since she'd first realized just how insignificant they were. " _Excuse me._ "was printed in tiny black letters, the sentence hardly long enough to even qualify as such. When she'd been very young and still full of optimism about the future, she'd swiftly offered anyone who'd said those words—no matter their age or gender—a meaningful, memorable retort. If "excuse me" was the best her soulmate could do, she'd just have to do better. But as her life had gradually fallen apart, so too had her priorities about her soulmate. And after she'd moved to the city, she'd been so distracted that the idea of a soulmate had become little more than a fantasy she was too busy to indulge in. If they'd come across each other, it was long too late to do anything about it, so she'd decided to simply accept that maybe not all soulmates were meant to be.

Besides, a soulmate didn't guarantee happiness or even love. She had more with Cloud and Denzel than she'd thought possible after everything she'd lived through. Even if she did find her soulmate, she wasn't sure she'd exchange that for an untested potential.

"I like where we are now," she continued, when Cloud frowned at her response. Tightening her own hold around his hands, she smiled. "I don't need any more than this."

"You deserve more."

Uncertain what to say, all she could do was smile, somewhat embarrassed by Cloud's poignant claim. Distracting herself with her hands in his, she eventually gave into a light sigh, deciding to move on instead of remain steeped in such a serious mood.

"We should probably get to bed. You know Denzel's going to be up early, since your home all day tomorrow."

Cloud grunted in agreement. "You staying here?" he asked a second later.

She shrugged. "I'm already in your bed, so why not."

"When you say it like that, it sounds like more's going to happen."

"More than cuddles?" she asked innocently. "I have absolutely no idea what you mean."

He actually rolled his eyes. Pulling back, he stood, while Tifa dragged herself fully onto the mattress and scooted closer to the wall. Cloud, meanwhile, was pulling his woolen shirt off over his head, before shimmying out of his pants. In only his black boxers, he made his way back to the bed, reaching out to turn off the lamp on the desk in the same moment.

About to settle back against his pillow, Tifa found herself caught off guard when Cloud abruptly hissed in pain. Sitting up again, she watched as he cradled his arm against his chest, his lips pulling into a grimace.

"What is it?" she asked, scooting back to the edge of the bed as she did.

"I don't—Ah!" He nearly buckled over then, stumbling closer to the bed as Tifa quickly jumped up. Steadying him by the shoulders, she helped him to sit down beside her, before she reached out for his arm.

"What is that?" she asked, alarmed at the red, blistering marks that appeared to be burning into his forearm. It was a small patch of skin just below the faded words of his soulmark. Even as she watched, the skin grew redder and redder, Cloud's breath coming in shorter bursts at whatever pain was resulting.

"There's a hi-potion on the desk," he said through gritted teeth, Tifa quickly reaching out for the glistening blue bottle. Popping the cap, she immediately poured it onto the strange wound, neither of them expecting the liquid to do the exact opposite of what it was made for.

Releasing a strangled yell, Cloud yanked his arm back, before swearing loudly. Grabbing the bedsheet, Tifa pulled his arm back and wiped what remained of the hi-potion from his skin, anxiety finally beginning to stir in her stomach.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing! I don't know! Shit, why does this hurt so bad?!"

Unable to look away, Tifa watched as the skin continued to swell and bubble, her thoughts running wild with what might make it stop. Maybe esuna? Or a remedy? Maybe it wasn't an injury but some kind of infection? Like geostigma?

They had some healing water downstairs. She could soak a washcloth and—

"Cloud," she said abruptly, startled as the wound began to morph into something else. They both watched, Cloud clearly pushing back on the pain as black began to seep up through the redness of the wound. Like a black pen etching across his skin, words slowly began to form, thin and fragile at first, but growing thicker and darker with every passing second.

Both of them wide-eyed, they waited in bated breath until the sentence revealed itself. It was shorter than the faded mark above it, but unmistakably a soulmark.

A _second_ soulmark.

" _Yeah, I think so._ " was all it said.

"What the hell?" Cloud muttered. Despite any pain he might still be in, he was already rubbing harshly at the new mark, as if it'd scrub it away like marker or paint. When nothing happened—the words remaining just the same—he grew frantically frustrated, which had Tifa reaching out to stop him.

"Cloud, calm down, it's okay," she said quickly, despite having no idea what was going on or what this could possibly mean. "It's—It's just a soulmark."

"It can't be a soulmark," he snapped, once again pulling at the reddened skin. "I had a soulmark and now it's faded. You don't get new soulmarks. No one has _two_ soulmarks." Which wasn't true—very rarely, people would be born with more than one soulmate. This was to imply that their soul had been split into more than two. It was rare, but not impossible.

Where Cloud's frustration was really coming from was the fact that people didn't just randomly acquire new soulmarks. Even if one person was older than the other, they were always born with their soulmarks already in place. As if the planet itself knew that though the person who fit alongside them didn't exist yet, they would in due time. For a new soulmark to suddenly appear was unheard of as far as Tifa knew. To the point where all rationale about how soulmarks worked prevented her from really believing she'd just seen it happen.

"This isn't possible," Cloud started muttering. "No, no, no, this can't be right. It can't be real." He was still rubbing at the mark, though not as severely as he had been previously.

Tifa almost said aloud, "what does this mean?" but stopped the words before they could leave her tongue. The answer was that somehow, someway, Cloud had another soulmate. One that _hadn't_ been planned from the beginning? None of it really made sense, but that was the only conclusion she could come to. Why the mark had shown up late, she had no idea.

What she did know was that Cloud was not going to take very well to this reality, which was why she'd kept her mouth shut. For all the wonderful things having a soulmate brought a person, it was also a heavy burden to bear. Especially if one never found their soulmate or if their soulmate was dead. Cloud was already struggling with the subject—he didn't need added complications.

"I don't understand…" he murmured helplessly.

"We'll figure it out," Tifa assured, despite any doubts that started to crop up in the back of her mind. "There has to be an explanation. One that doesn't mean—"

Despite the shock and anxiety permeating the room, they both whipped their heads around at the sound of the door creaking open. Denzel stood just out in the hall, the concern that creased his expression visible in the vague light of the desk lamp.

He stood silently for just a few seconds, before creeping into the room.

"Are you okay?" he asked meekly, his worried gaze looking Cloud up and down. "I heard you yell…"

Though it took him a second, Cloud did eventually close his eyes and gather his composure. He took a few deep breaths before visibly swallowing back the shock of what had just happened in order to offer Denzel the reassurance he needed.

"I'm fine," he lied, once he opened his eyes again. "I just tripped and hurt myself."

Despite his claim, Denzel was not the least bit convinced. Likely because he'd been standing outside the door long enough to have heard Cloud's short-lived panic attack. As if to prove as much, his expression hardened into something suspicious. There was no fooling any child that had seen as much of the world as someone like Denzel.

"I mean it, I'm alright," Cloud reiterated, holding out his hand as he did. Denzel hesitated just a second longer, before entering the room fully. He went straight to Cloud, wrapping his shorter arms around to Cloud's back even as Cloud wrapped his own around Denzel's smaller frame. "There's nothing you need to worry about," Cloud assured, resting his chin on the top of Denzel's head as he did.

"But you yelled…" Denzel said meekly. It was fair reasoning to be concerned, as Cloud very rarely raised his voice.

"I know. I was just surprised is all. I promise, there's nothing you need to worry about."

Yet, even as he spoke such assurances, Tifa could see the panicked confusion continually swimming in his eyes. Their gazes met above Denzel's head, Tifa reaching out to lay a comforting hand on Cloud's shoulder even as he tightened his own hold around Denzel.

They were tight-lipped in their startled uncertainty, Tifa at a complete loss on what to think.

_9 Years Ago_

"Alright, newbies, here's where all the magic happens," Zack announced, slamming his fist into his opposing palm as he slowly paced in front of his hand-to-hand students. All of them were new recruits, most of them scrawny and ill-suited for any sort of combat. But everyone started somewhere, so he wasn't exactly judging. Not yet, anyway.

After all, he was far more interested in where they could go, not where they came from.

They'd already gone through the formal salute, and he'd done a good job of taking attendance as they'd walked in—his own way of matching the faces in his digital roster to the real people, which would help him remember their names (he was terrible with names). Which meant it was time to get cracking.

"If any of you don't know who I am, the name is Zack Fair. Call me Zack, call me Fair, call me Sir, I don't really care. I've got one rule, which should encapsulate any other rules instructors might normally have. That being, don't act like little shits in my class and we ought to get along just fine. You're in the army now, so I think y'all should know what's expected of your behavior. You play nice and I'll play nice, yeah?"

Though he could already pick out a few assholes within the crowd. Namely, the three jerks that'd been beating up on that blonde kid with the bloody nose from the other night. What was his name? Storm or Rain or something? Why was cumulus coming to mind? He'd just taken attendance for crying out loud—he should remember.

Oh well. In any case, he'd have to keep an eye on the three bullies.

"Hand-to-hand combat is a basic skill that all members of the Shinra military are expected to know," he continued, doing a few swinging arm stretches before starting into his normal warm-up squats. "Therefore, this class is critical for all of you. If you ever end up in a combat zone without a weapon—be it because it was lost or taken out of commission—you want to be able to defend yourselves. Your hands can be your greatest defense, just as your body is always your greatest weapon."

Ah, there was the blonde kid. He figured he'd be in this class too. It'd been a bit surprising to see him in Strategic Development, as that was usually a starter class for soldiers looking to begin more serious military careers. Or for those who had made it into higher ranks over the years. But hey, if the kid wanted to get ahead of the game, then Zack wasn't about to begrudge him that—he hadn't been so different, once upon a time.

It'd probably help if he'd stop staring at the ground all the time though. If he really wanted to learn, then he ought to look up and stay near the front of the class.

Well, whatever. Moving on.

"Therefore, passing this class is mandatory. If you don't, then you'll be suspended from duty before evaluation, where it will be decided whether or not you're Shinra material." Standing straight, he cast them a charming smile. "But don't worry, I'm not here to make it as difficult as possible. Hopefully we'll all get through this together."

Which earned him a few uncertain smiles and nods.

Blonde kid kept staring at the floor though.

Weird.

"First thing's first, before you start any sort of physical training, you got to warm up your muscles. Y'all should know this from basic, but because it's so much more fun, we're all gonna stretch together. So get into three lines across the gym and get comfy."

They spent the first thirty minutes stretching, which might seem like a lot, but though they'd been through basic, Zack knew full well that a correct education on how to properly stretch one's body wasn't any part of anything they'd learned. He walked them through every move first, before telling them to repeat the same exercises in unison—on his command—while he went around and corrected their form. A few he pushed a little lower, a few he kicked their legs further apart or closer together. And with the blonde kid, he tried to help straighten his back, but the moment he did, the kid nearly stumbled away from his touch.

Right, so that one liked his personal space. Message received.

"Right, so now that we're all warmed-up, it's time to get down to some basic beginner forms…" He spent the next hour of the class going over just three basic defensive forms. Nothing too complicated. He was quite satisfied that most everyone was getting it after a few tries. But practice made perfect. Well, practice formed habits, really, so he had them repeating the motions over and over and over again while he once more went around and had one-on-one time with each of them. Correcting their form, giving them pointers, that kind of thing. Blonde kid responded better to him just giving vocal directions, as did a few others who seemed a bit more uncomfortable with physical contact.

Zack knew he was more the touchy-feely type, but he also knew that plenty of other people weren't, so he could respect that.

"Right, so, we've got about thirty minutes left," Zack eventually announced, aware of how hot and sweaty plenty of them were. Being out of shape and having to wear every part of their uniforms but helmets would do that. "Take two minutes to get a drink and then pair up on the blue line."

He didn't need any water himself, so he pulled out his tablet and watched critically as they each went to get a drink from their water bottles, before beginning to pair up. As expected, about half the class had partners all set up and ready to go, making them the first ones to gather on the line. Any third wheels of friend groups were left to straggle for a minute, before pairing up with each other, while those of the more anti-social nature lastly began to link up together.

There was an odd number of students, so someone was going to be left behind. Embarrassing, Zack knew. And though it was a bit sad, it wasn't hard to see who was going to be the odd-man out. Though he tried to approach a few people, most turned away, which left the short, scrawny blonde kid slumping in expected defeat as the last of his peers paired up.

"Strife," Zack called out just as the last pairs were forming, so as not to make it look like he was taking pity on the poor kid. He was also thankful that he'd finally remembered his name—Cloud Strife. "Come over here, you'll help me demonstrate."

The blonde looked around stupidly for a second, as if there might be another Strife in the room, before slumping even further and silently making his way up to the front of the gym.

"As some of you probably noticed already, these exercises mirror one another, which makes it good to practice in pairs. Someday, you might even be able to spar, but no one better be trying that kind of thing today." Turning to Cloud, he nodded, which had both of them settling into the first form that Zack had introduced. Ignoring just how red Cloud was and that fact that he was having a _very_ difficult time looking Zack in the eyes, he started to slowly explain—and demonstrate with Cloud's help—just how the exercises were meant to function together. After two tutorials, Cloud was responding to him at a pace that was, well, slow, but at least coherent, which was all he could really ask for.

Turning back to the class, he left Cloud momentarily, spending a few minutes making sure everyone else was doing alright before he returned to his lonely blonde.

"Alright, let's go, kid," he said simply, once again getting into position. Though he'd appeared somewhat hesitant, Cloud did fall back into place a second later. Once again, Zack slowly walked him through the motions, but they did get faster every time they did it. Which Zack pushed for, telling him to "keep it up" and "good job" when it seemed appropriate.

Cloud, it appeared, eventually went from flustered to concentrated, which was a good change, even if he still refused to look Zack in the eyes. A determined little wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows as they continued to pick up in pace, which had Zack releasing a small grin.

He was a pretty cute kid for being so prickly. Or spikey, as it were.

Their pace did eventually increase to the point of tripping him up however, which resulted in Zack's block being missed (as the point in these exercises was for his block to land) and a punch lambasting him right in the chest.

He stumbled back a step, Cloud abruptly horrified while Zack rubbed just quickly where the hit had landed.

"Don't worry about it," he said quickly, once again getting into position. "Happens all the time. 'Sides, I'm a SOLDIER—not exactly made of glass." He offered the kid a wink following, but they weren't able to return to their previous rhythm before class was over. Cloud was back to being all red and distracted, which Zack supposed only time could remedy.

Kid did have some strength in him though. His punch hadn't been soft by any means.

"Alright, it's nine, so I guess that means y'all are free to go," Zack started as they all lined back up in front of him, Cloud scurrying away to join with his peers. "Practice these forms again before Saturday. If you don't, I'll be able to tell."

They all saluted following, which he quickly released them from before watching as they all headed for the doors.

It did not escape him that Cloud practically sprinted for his bag and water bottle, before grabbing them up and bursting out the door.

Zack frowned.

Not that he was the type to dwell. Waiting until all his students were gone, he grabbed his own water bottle (yet unused) and his tablet before heading out lastly. Swinging by Angeal's office, he dropped off the tablet in the metal mailbox on the door, before deciding he needed a snack before going up to his apartment.

The public cafeteria was still open for another hour, so he swung by, grabbing a sandwich and some assorted fruit that he ate at an empty table as he scrolled through his emails on his PHS. He replied to a few, but decided he'd leave those that were in need of the most in-depth responses until he could use his laptop.

Oh right, and Angeal had told him to check out Historical Strategies at the library before their next Strategic Development class. Might as well do it real quick before he hit the sack. He had to be up at three in morning for his own training with Angeal, so it was probably better to get it sooner rather than later.

Dumping his trash, he took the stairs up the few floors to the public library, having to stifle his own good-natured humming when the librarian at the door gave him a fierce look. He smiled apologetically, making sure to be extra quiet as he continued in.

He was stopping in his tracks, however, upon passing a single, secluded table set up between a few towering shelves.

"No way," he whispered, smiling a bit to himself at the sight of the blonde kid—no, Cloud Strife—reading away in the silence. He'd abandoned his uniform for a pair of tattered jeans, worn brown boots, and a frumpy white-t-shirt. He appeared to be wearing a long-sleeved, black athletic-type shirt underneath, the heel of his worn-out leather heel tapping quietly atop the carpet as he stared determinedly down at the book in front of him. A pair of oversized headphones covered his ears, a pencil pattering atop a notebook in rhythm with his foot.

Staring at him for a few seconds longer, Zack eventually let his curiosity get the better of him. Continually grinning, he stuck his hands in his pockets as he quietly approached, not really all that surprised the kid didn't even notice when he was close enough to see what he was reading. Looking over his shoulder, he took in the three or four books stacked up around him.

 _Materia Combinations and Their Uses in Battle_ , _Mako Enhancements and Theories_ , _Waging War in Wutai_ , and—if the title at the top of the page was correct—the one he was currently reading was _SOLDIER Prep_.

The sight had Zack's grin pulling into a full-blown smile. So this kid wanted to be a SOLDIER, did he? That'd explain the overachieving by deciding to take advanced classes, and perhaps why he was so flustered whenever Zack so much as looked at him.

He really was just too cute.

Was he singing? No, just mouthing the words to whatever song he was listening to. Which was just as endearing.

But the books he was reading were… all wrong. Aside from maybe the _SOLDIER Prep_ , which was more of a guide than anything else. So was he just trying to get ahead or…

Maybe he'd better just ask.

Not wanting to startle the skittish blonde, Zack reached out and gently knocked on the tabletop. Cloud clearly felt the vibrations, because he stopped mouthing along to his music and instead looked down at the table in confusion, before quickly turning to look up at Zack.

Gaping, his eyes went as wide as saucers, his cheeks immediately tinting with red.

Reaching up to his ear, Zack tapped on the invisible headphones he wasn't wearing. Though it took a second, Cloud soon scrambled to yank his headphones from his own ears. He looked like he might start a salute, but Zack waved him off.

"What're you doing?" Zack asked instead, still retaining a bit of his grin.

Gulping, Cloud flicked his attention to his books, appearing suddenly tense and guilty.

"Hey, calm down, you haven't done anything wrong," Zack assured, which had those big blue eyes turning back up to him. He waited just a second, hoping that maybe Cloud would actually say something, but supposing it wasn't the end of the world when he didn't. Zack was pretty well-versed in carrying conversations on his own.

Besides, this kid was clearly terrified of him.

"You reading up on the SOLDIER exam?" Zack asked, gesturing to the numerous books. Which had Cloud turning to look back down at the table, becoming even more nervous as another layer of red assaulted his face. "Trying to get ahead of the curve? Not a bad idea, kid."

His statement did earn him a response, albeit a non-verbal one. Though Cloud was still painted a deep shade of red, his awe leaked away in favor of stubbornness, his eyes almost glaring at he flicked his attention back up to Zack. There was something defensive in how his lips pursed, and how his shoulders tensed.

"Oh, sorry, do you not want to be called 'kid?' I didn't mean it in, like, an offensive way or anything. You're not really a kid. I mean, not any more than I am I guess. You're, what, fifteen? Sixteen? So there's only like a three or four year age difference between us. Guess I should be more careful with the nicknames, huh? My bad."

His rambling earned him yet another reaction. Cloud's defensiveness turned to suspicious curiosity, that crease appearing between his eyebrows.

Zack decided to move on. "If you are studying for the SOLDIER exam, you've got all the wrong stuff. _Materia Combinations and Their Uses in Battle_ is more theory than practical use—the title is kind of misleading. And _Mako Enhancements_ isn't really something you should worry about. Actually, you really shouldn't read that one. It's just a whole bunch of case studies from before SOLDIER was perfected and it'll probably freak you out."

Eyes going wide again, Cloud turned to the book in surprise.

"And _Waging War in Wutai_ is mostly about Sephiroth, which, I mean, I guess if you're a fan, then you might be into it, but it's not exactly gonna help you with SOLDIER."

His evaluations clearly deflated Cloud, more of his defensiveness leaking away in favor of confusion as he looked between the three texts.

"If you want to study materia, then the best book you can start with is actually _Materia 101_. It's the text book for In-Field Materia. It really breaks down the different types and how to efficiently combine them without all the theory jargon. Theory is good to know and all, but it's not really gonna help as far as the SOLDIER exam. And if you're interested in what _really_ happened in Wutai, I'd just check out Angeal and Sephiroth's Wutai Records. It's boring stuff, but at least it's accurate, you know? Not all dolled up or anything."

Chewing on his bottom lip, Cloud tapped his finger on one of the books, looking thoughtful.

"Hey, I'll help you out, yeah? Just wait here. I know the best stuff to study from for the SOLDIER exam. One sec." Flashing him a dazzling smile, Zack turned quickly on his heel and headed back out into the library. He'd spent so many hours there pouring over books and studying that he knew all the necessary texts by heart and where to find them. He grabbed the library copy of _Materia 101_ , then started with the first volume of Angeal's Wutai Records, figuring that once Cloud realized just how dry it all was, he'd give up on the rest. He also grabbed a copy of _Preparing for SOLDIER_ and _Strategic Victories of the World_. Supposing that was a good start, he ignored his urge to start humming as he headed back to Cloud's table.

Turning around the corner of the bookshelf, he paused and looked around for a moment, realizing a second later that Cloud was… gone.

"Uh, okay…" Zack whispered to himself. Setting his own books down on the table, he saw that Cloud had stacked up and left his own. All but _SOLDIER Prep_. There was no sign that he'd even been there otherwise, nothing else left in his wake.

"Huh…" Zack muttered to himself, pooching his lips in deflated annoyance.

Why had Cloud just taken off? Sure, he'd obviously been startled by Zack—maybe even a little shy—but was he really so skittish that he'd run off before taking help and advice from a First Class?

The whole thing was really more discouraging than irritating, Zack eventually decided. He understood that maybe Cloud was a little star-struck, but if _he'd_ been approached by a First when he'd been getting ready for SOLDIER, he'd have been over the moon. He had been, when Angeal had eventually taken him under his wing.

Not that Zack was trying to mentor Cloud or anything—he didn't even know the guy. That aside, Zack wasn't really in a position to be anyone's mentor. As Angeal was constantly reminding him, he was still young and had plenty to learn. He and Cloud were practically in the same age bracket. But none of that meant he couldn't try and help.

Was Cloud really that intimidated by him?

Well, lucky for Cloud, Zack wasn't the type to give up that easily.

Grabbing the text Angeal had requested, he checked out that and the four he'd intended to give to Cloud. Taking them all up to his apartment, he set them aside, deciding that he'd just have to give the books to Cloud when he saw him in class next. Not like the blonde could run away then. He'd just hand them over during Strategic Development on Thursday, whether the blonde liked it or not.

Though, had he known he'd see Cloud again on Wednesday during Sword Basics, he'd have brought the books then instead.

He wasn't exactly surprised to find Cloud in his other class, though it was clear by the way he absolutely refused to look at Zack—on top of his perpetually red cheeks—that he knew he'd messed up in the library. Not exactly thrilled with his behavior either, Zack's own stare in his direction was a bit colder as well. As cold as he could make it anyway, which really wasn't all that effective given that Zack knew he had an open, puppy-face. Still, he hoped the message got across in the few seconds he'd taken to deliver it, before class started.

The class was made up mostly of guardsmen, half in higher ranks and half new additions, like Cloud. There were no SOLDIERS in this class, as it was directed more at guardsmen who wanted to expand their skillset outside of rifles. A lot of new recruits took the class because there was this pervading sentiment that swords were "cool," though Zack knew most of them wouldn't take it seriously enough to really pursue.

How serious was Cloud, really, he wondered.

"Welcome to Sword Basics," Zack announced, once the required salute was out of the way. "This class is exactly what it sounds like—we'll be covering the basics of sword play, specifically with one-handed arming swords." He'd already picked up one the dulled practice swords from the set-up along the side of the gym, which he held up for all his students to see. "While these swords are dulled, they're still dangerous, so no fooling around will be tolerated. You break the rules, you get kicked out. Easy enough, yeah?"

A few in the crowd nodded.

"Swordsmanship isn't as simple as waving a sword around—it's an art that takes practice and diligence. You'll have to fine-tune your body and mind through the basics, which can take months or even years. This class is designed as an introduction, so all of you can get a feel for whether or not swordsmanship is something you'd actually like to pursue."

Generally, however, swordsmanship ended up being reserved for SOLDIERS, at least as far as the Shinra military was concerned. There were a few squads outside SOLDIER that had sword training, but given the use of firearms, swords were really only compatible with those possessing the reflexes and defenses to thwart bullets during battle. Which was where mako enhancements came in.

This class was—as Angeal had told him previously—where he'd likely find any potential candidates for SOLDIER, if any existed at all.

Which meant that Zack was going to be watching Cloud Strife all the closer, seeing as Zack already had a pretty good idea of where the blonde had settled his goals. That wasn't to say he expected Cloud to be any good with a sword, but he'd definitely be watching his progress and affinity for the weapon as the cycle continued, as those would be key outside any of his other efforts toward SOLDIER.

Continuing on, Zack went over basic form and how the body was expected to act when a sword was involved. He also went over common misconceptions and mistakes people made when training with swords, hoping to curb any bad habits before anyone even got their hands on a practice sword.

About halfway through the lesson—which had mostly been lecture up to that point—he gave everyone a two-minute break before issuing that they each pick up a practice sword and line up in front of him. Taking a drink of his own water, he watched critically as the class interacted, taking note of who was grouping up with who and how they separated.

His expression darkened some when one of the larger recruits bodily shoved Cloud out of the way of the sword he'd been reaching for, before taking the weapon for himself. Some laughter followed, while Cloud glared at them before taking one of the lesser remaining practice swords. It was older, less flashy, but would certainly do the job.

He was, of course, alone when he lined up with the rest of the students.

It was all quite stupid as far as Zack was concerned (he was sure Cloud felt the same way). At the end of the day, it didn't matter who thought who was bigger or badder or better, because this was the army and death was a real-life possibility.

Yet, even those who had seen and lived through the horrors of war sometimes retained such immature attitudes. Some even came back worse.

It was all very reductive and pointless.

"Make sure you're all spread out enough that there's an arm's length between each of you," Zack started as he resumed class. "Take up the starting position that we discussed earlier. Now, the next hour is likely going to be one of the most boring you've ever experienced in your lives, but it's necessary.

"Grip your swords and hold them out in front of you like this." He modelled the pose. "Now strike forward once, focusing on keeping your feet in place. Like I said, it will feel strange at first, but when it comes to swordsmanship, the blade always enters the fight first, the wieldier moving from the shoulders down through the hips. Now count ten strikes. And one…"

Counting up with them, he walked around the group, correcting postures and grips, only giving them a five second breather between each ten-strike set before starting over again.

"Be sure to keep control of your breathing!" he yelled out as they counted. "Don't get lazy with your posture!"

Another ten strikes. Then another. And another.

"You're getting sloppy!" he issued. "If I see one foot move ahead before your strike, you owe me thirty push-ups. You! Get down on the ground and get to it!"

They kept striking, and striking, plenty of them beginning to lose their coordination, which resulted in Zack doling out plenty of push-ups. A few tried to get away with thinking he hadn't noticed their slip-ups, but SOLDIERS didn't have heightened senses that could easily be fooled.

Cloud was one of the few that when he realized he'd messed up, was willingly on the ground doing his push-ups without having to be told. Twice in the first thirty minutes, he ended up on the ground. Though he was sweating through his uniform, he didn't let up, that determined crease between his eyebrows only growing more pronounced as he continued his strikes.

By the time forty minutes had passed, most were getting so sweaty and sloppy that they could hardly hold the proper posture. Zack kept them going anyway, continuing to harshly correct them despite any weariness.

Cloud—though he was trembling with exertion—retained his posture. It was obvious he was struggling, but that determined look in his bright blue eyes seemed to carry him through. He continued to fight when everyone else was giving up, making the others easy targets for Zack's harsh critiques.

By the time class was over, quite a few had collapsed, while others were stumbling on their feet. Only seven out of the whole class remained counting their strikes, Zack having them finish up three more sets before he called the class to an end.

"Clearly, you've all got a lot of work to do!" he said simply, already knowing that quite a few would drop the class despite any penalizations. "If you're going to get anywhere with a sword, then this most basic strike must be ingrained! I expect everyone to get in at least two hours of practice doing just strikes before class on Saturday! And if you don't, trust me, I'll know!"

He dismissed them a second later, before turning his attention quickly to Cloud. "Except for you, Strife."

The blonde had been about to turn away, faltering in confusion as he'd returned his attention to Zack. A few other students cast them curious looks, but said nothing, Zack waiting until they'd all replaced their practice swords and headed out the door before he focused in on Cloud.

"Assume the proper position," Zack said strictly. Cloud blinked stupidly up at him for only a moment, before he took a deep breath and resumed standing with his sword out before him, as he had for the last hour.

And when Zack started counting, there was only a short pause before he caught on and started striking out once again. He resumed his determined expression, visibly fighting against his trembling muscles in order to follow through.

"Wrong," Zack said after another three sets, when Cloud stumbled to the side. "Thirty push-ups, now."

Breathing hard, Cloud laid his sword down beside him and—albeit slowly—finished his punishment, before dragging himself back into standing and once again holding his sword out in position. Zack watched him—watched the way his whole body quivered—before once again deferring to those determined blue eyes.

He started counting off again.

With gritted teeth, Cloud kept going, completing set after set after set until half an hour had passed since the end of class. His muscles were so strained that he was barely doing the motions. But even so, he kept trying. His jaw was visibly clenched and his eyes were focused on an invisible pin-point in front of him. So focused was he that even after Zack had quit counting, he did one final strike, only realizing after that fact the mistake he'd made.

Slowly—hesitantly—he looked up at Zack.

Who grinned.

"Good job, Spike," he said good-naturedly, clapping Cloud on the shoulder as he did. Which nearly sent the poor guy tumbling forward, so shaky was he on his feet. "Now listen here," Zack continued. "Three hours. That's how much you better practice this before Saturday, got it? Givin' you extra homework."

If Cloud was aghast at the idea, he was too tired to show it.

"Also, where's your elevator pass?"

Cloud's mouth fell open, like he might _almost_ say something, but then defaulted to confused puzzlement.

"Come on, hand it over," Zack demanded.

Sighing in defeat, Cloud reached into one of his front pockets. He pulled out a lanyard attached to a key card, before holding it out for Zack.

Taking it, Zack hummed to himself before shoving it into his own pocket. "Sorry, but here's another new rule for you—no more elevators. You're gonna be takin' the stairs everywhere you go from now on, alright?"

Cloud really did gape then.

"Don't worry," Zack assured, once more clapping him on the shoulder. "You'll get used to it."

Again, Cloud looked like he might say something, but ultimately could only open and close his mouth like a fish. Which Zack took as response enough.

"See you tomorrow, Spike!" he settled for saying, before turning and heading on out the door.

He didn't look back, but he did hum a bit to himself as he made his way down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, my Final Fantasy VII Remake hasn't arrived yet I'm going to IMPLODE!
> 
> Anyway, please no spoilers. As far as the story, shit is finally happening! Poor Cloud. He isn't the type that would be cool with suddenly having a new soulmate and given that he couldn't know the truth, he's probably pretty upset. At least the past parts are a little more fun XD
> 
> Lemme know what y'all think!


	5. Chapter 5

_Present Day_

He woke with a gasp, the air rushing into his lungs cold and sharp. It felt like he'd just been pulled up from drowning in an icy lake, his whole body momentarily shocked as his eyes bulged wide. He wanted to surge up, so flail so as to fight back against the sensation of falling—like waking from a dream. But the chill in his body kept him still, until warmth gradually began to spread from his fingertips and toes, igniting his veins until control returned to his lungs.

Taking in a deep breath of his own, he practically threw himself into sitting.

Where was he?

And how… how had he gotten there?

A vague ache throbbed in his temple, inspiring him to reach up and cradle his forehead as question after question began to filter in.

The last thing he remembered…

"The cliff…" he muttered. "Cloud?" Turning from side to side, he looked around, but nowhere in sight was the familiar blonde. Nor was the cliff, nor Midgar's distant silhouette. Instead, he was surrounded in tall, leafy trees, the humidity in the air already taking over his previous chill in order to start his sweat glands working. Lush foliage of all kinds grew up around him, the light of the day barely able to peak in through the canopy.

"How did I get here?" he asked. "And why… why am I naked?"

Stark naked, he sat in a patch of grass and soft dirt, his SOLDIER uniform nowhere to be seen. Alarmed, he reached up and patted his chest, less surprised by the nakedness as he was the state of his flesh.

"No bullet holes," he muttered. "How—Why—Why am I alive?"

He should be dead. He'd known as he lain there on that cliff that he wasn't going to make it. Execution was the only way to describe how they'd cornered both him and Cloud, before doing enough damage that he'd known there was no way he could survive. He'd felt it, his last labored breath, the numbness of every nerve in his body as everything had started to fade.

Only to wake up here…

What had happened to Cloud?

Looking quickly down at his arm, he was relieved to see that the black text remained. Dark and vibrant, just as it'd been before he and Cloud had been ambushed. Cloud was alive then, at least for the moment. Yet, despite this reassurance, he was unnerved by the fact that his soulmark had, in fact, changed. Or been added to, in any case. The first line was the same— _Oh god, Zack, please don't die!_ —but beneath it was a new mark, one that had never been there before.

_Is it really you?_

"Weird…" Zack muttered, rubbing at it only momentarily, just to make sure it wasn't going to wash away. It didn't, looking just as real and deeply seeded into his skin as his original mark.

So, he wasn't dead. He was naked somewhere in tropics. And he had a new soulmark. Pooching his lips thoughtfully, he leaned back, about to balance on his hands. But as he did, his fingers brushed against something resting behind him.

Turning, he only stared for a second at the bulbous pink ribbon, before grabbing it up for further inspection. It reminded him of the ribbons Aerith always wore, looking almost identical in make. But it was wrapped around something.

Pulling the fabric aside, he revealed a piece of materia. It was colored unlike any materia he'd ever used before, being of a pearly white with occasional green sifting through. He couldn't tell what type is was, or even what it might be used for.

Re-wrapping it in the ribbon, he tapped his finger upon his chin, before ultimately deciding that he'd never be able to answer any of his questions unless he started looking for answers.

In one swift motion, he was standing. Brushing some of the mud from his bare legs, he deemed himself appropriate enough—nudity aside—and started looking around for any clues that would explain where he was. He kept the ribbon and materia in-hand, supposing there was no reason to leave them in the middle of the woods.

"This place seems… familiar…" he muttered to himself, before realization quickly struck him. "I'm near Gongaga!" Of course! His hometown! He'd grown up around these same trees and lived through the heavy humidity. It felt like home, even if he was abruptly wary as well.

The last time he'd returned to Gongaga, he'd been chased out again by turks. Apparently thinking he'd return home after escaping Hojo's lab, they'd set up camp in wait for him. He'd have to be careful, just in case they were still around.

How close was he to Gongaga? Turning to look up at the sky, he approximated which way was South, before deciding to simply head in that direction. He'd eventually come to the ocean. From there, he could more easily figure out how to get to Gongaga.

He really needed some clothes too, but perhaps that'd have to wait. He could make something out of leaves he supposed, for the sake of modesty.

Nah, too much work. He wasn't exactly embarrassed by nudity anyway. Having grown up in the tropics, he'd spent a majority of his early years in little more than underwear. He'd just cover the valuables as necessary.

Shrugging, he started off through the woods, supposing there was little else to do. But if he'd ended up near Gongaga, what had happened to Cloud?

It was a thought that left him frowning with worry. Especially since he had no way of contacting the blonde. They hadn't had phones during their escape. And even if they had, it was unlikely Cloud would be able to use it. Was he still up on that cliff?

Concern tightened in Zack's gut. He needed to find Cloud fast. He couldn't take care of himself, not with the mako addiction still coursing through his veins. If Zack wasn't there to look after him, he'd starve. Or worse, be found by Shinra.

If he hadn't been already…

Moving faster now, Zack kept on through the woods for some minutes. But it wasn't long until something through the trees caught his attention. It wasn't the ocean, as he'd been aiming for, but what looked like smoke. And a flash of brick?

"It's the village!" No need to go all the way to the ocean then—he'd stumbled right into his destination.

But he was naked. Hmmm. Well, his parents' house was off to the side some, near the forest. If he just kept going east, along the outside, then he should be able to reach the back door without being seen. By anyone besides his parents, anyway.

Deciding this to be the best course of action, he started forward, careful to remain hidden in the trees as he skirted the edge.

"Wow, this place got a lot bigger all of a sudden," he muttered, able to gauge through the foliage that the village looked considerably larger since the last time he'd been there. It'd only been a few months, yet at least a dozen more houses had sprung up. Perhaps even more than that, going further west. Had there been an influx of people moving south in the last few months?

Weird.

Deciding to bookmark the observation for later, he continued on, thankful when the alcove where his parents' house was came into view. This too looked a bit different—like they'd expanded a bit since the reactor had blown, destroying the home where Zack had grown up. There was a small fence around the property, and what looked like a vegetable garden. It reminded Zack of how the place had looked before the reactor accident, only newer with a slightly different layout.

But the back door was still there, which inspired him to move a bit faster.

Once he was at the edge of the trees, he used his free hand to cover the area between his legs before creeping out into the open. Based on the location of the sun, it was early morning. Just after sunrise. So there'd probably be very few people to potentially see him sneaking around the house. His parents had a neighbor to the northwest, but there was a line of trees between their house and his parents.'

He could probably get in unseen.

Continuing on, he dashed by the garden and onto the dusty stone patio. It was only a few steps to the door from there, Zack taking hold of the doorknob with the same hand that held the strange materia.

"Crap, it's locked," he muttered. Well, hopefully they were awake. If they weren't, they were about to be.

Knocking loudly, he waited just a few seconds before doing so again, beginning to feel paranoid about being so exposed. Again, not because of the nudity, but because of the potential dangers.

Yet, still no one answered. So he knocked again, harder this time.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," a voice from inside grumbled, Zack almost grinning at the familiar roughness in the man's tone. It'd been years since he'd seen his parents. Since he'd even been able to send them a letter. Hopefully, his sudden appearance there wouldn't be too much of a shock.

He heard the lock on the door sliding a second later, before it was pulled open just enough for his father to peer out at him. Well, up at him, as he was quite a bit taller than his own father.

His father, who gaped up at him upon recognizing who was standing naked at his door, his dark eyes wide and something like pallid shock overtaking his expression.

"Hey, Pops," Zack greeted, smiling some as he did. "I know this all looks very strange and if I could explain, I would, but I can't, so do you think you could just let me in before someone sees?"

But it didn't look like his father had heard anything he'd said.

"Zack?" he asked a moment later, his voice airy with shock. He then faltered forward slightly, reaching out as if to touch him, before his hand went to cover his mouth instead. "Are you—Are you really Zack?"

"Ah, yeah, it's definitely me. Oh, right, you guys haven't seen me in ages. I mean, I've sent you pictures, but I guess I'm a lot bigger in person than I used to… be…" His words petered away at the sight of tears welling in his father's eyes, which reminded him all over again that a lot more time had passed than what it felt like to him. "Right, sorry, it's been almost five years since I last wrote you guys, hasn't it? I can totally explain. It's kind of a long, shitty story, one neither of you is going to like, but—"

"Who's at the door?" It was his mother's voice, which was followed by her appearing just behind his father. While they both looked a bit older, their graying hair and sun-kissed skin was much as he remembered. While his mother's expression soon dropped into shock to match his father's.

"Zack?" she asked, the tears coming much faster to her own eyes. "Oh god, Zack," she cried, before pushing past his yet stunned father in order to reach up and wrap her arms around his neck.

"Hey, Ma," he replied quietly, wrapping one arm around her back while continuing to cover his front with the other. "I'm here, it's okay."

"We thought you were dead," she said, beginning to sob as she buried her face in his hair. "But you're not! You're not! You're alive!"

"Hey, it's okay," Zack murmured gently, rubbing her back some as he did. "I'm okay."

"Where have you been?" his father asked, his own tears finally streaking down his cheeks, even as he continued to stare up in shock. "It's been almost ten years…"

"Ten years…?" Zack asked, his mother pulling away some as he did. She kept her hands on his shoulders, continuing to sniff as she looked him up and down.

"Oh goodness, come inside," she said a second later, grabbing his arm and ushering him in through the door. "Why don't you have any clothes? What's happened? Where have you been?" She pulled him over to the small dining table just to the left of the door, practically pushing him down into a chair before she skirted away only long enough to grab a thin blanket off the back of the couch. She then draped it over his shoulders, Zack taking the edges and pulling them around his nakedness even as he stared between them in confusion.

"What do you mean, ten years?" he asked, his mother brushing back his hair with her fingers while his father sat down at the table beside him.

"We last heard from you almost ten years ago," his father explained. "Your last letter."

"No, that was five years ago," Zack corrected.

His parents shared a concerned look between one another, before his mother finally stepped back and took a seat at the table as well.

"Where have you been?" his father asked again.

Swallowing hard, Zack quickly debated whether it was safe or not to tell them, before deciding it was best to just be honest if he wanted to try and figure out what was going on.

"After I sent you that last letter, I was sent on a mission to Nibelheim. Everything kind of went wrong and I… I ended up… incapacitated for four years." Then again, maybe his parents didn't need to know about the torture he and Cloud had gone through. "And after that, I was traveling under Shinra's radar for a while. That was almost five years ago. Then, out of nowhere, I wake up in the woods nearby."

His parents shared another look—which was definitely disconcerting—before his mother reached her hand out across the table. Habitually, Zack placed his own inside it, as he'd always done whenever his mother had been trying to offer him comfort while growing up.

"It's been close to ten years, Zack," she said slowly. "It's the year 0010."

"No, that can't…" How was that possible? If that was true, then he'd lost over another four years. Where? And how? Had he been taken captive by Shinra again? Was that the reason he was alive? But if that was true, then why had he woken up in Gongaga?

"Has anything weird been going on around here lately?" he asked, protective concern immediately dropping through his person. After all, if Shinra had something to do with this, then it was doubtful he'd be left alone for any great length of time. "New people in the village? Visits from Shinra?"

"Honey, no," his mother replied. "There's not—"

"Then there probably will be soon. Shinra is after me and there's no way I just ended up here without reason. They definitely have something to do with—"

"Zack, stop," his father cut in. "There is no Shinra anymore."

Blinking stupidly, Zack gaped, dumbfounded by such a statement.

"Shinra fell apart three years ago," he explained. "After meteor destroyed Midgar."

Zack's eyes went wide. "Wh—What?"

"About three years ago, President Shinra was murdered," his mother explained. "It was rumored that Sephiroth was behind it and—"

"Sephiroth is dead," Zack said darkly. "I was there when he died."

His statement clearly surprised both his parents, who looked helplessly between one another, before his mother continued. "That's just what we heard. And after that, Sephiroth—supposedly—summoned meteor and it destroyed Midgar. Before—Before the planet used the lifestream to stop it."

Zack gaped. "You're—You're joking, right? That doesn't sound real."

"Look." Standing abruptly, his father went to one of the end tables in the sitting area and grabbed up a magazine, before bringing it back and sliding it up in front of Zack. "It's the meteor anniversary issue of Era magazine from last month."

Pulling the magazine closer, Zack looked the cover up and down, paling at the image depicting what was labeled as the Midgar ruins. Well, partially ruins, as in the middle of the image was the familiar church in the sector 5 slums. But it wasn't shrouded by the plate, instead open to the sunlight, which ignited the broken city otherwise surrounding it.

" _Meteor, Geostigma, and the Planet's Legacy—What Happened and What's to Come_ ," read the headline, Zack feeling his body go cold as reality finally started to sink in. But if all of this was true, then where had he been the last four years? He'd clearly missed a lot—missed so much that he was having a hard time grappling with the reality sitting right in front of him.

"So Shinra… Shinra isn't here," he asked, flicking his gaze back up to his parents.

"No." His mother shook her head.

"And Midgar… is gone…"

"From what we've read, the ruins are still there," his father explained. "And there's a new city that's been built around it, called Edge. But I've never seen it for myself."

"Okay, but…" Sighing, Zack pushed back on the headache threatening to rip his brain in half. "But if Shinra is gone, what about all the reactors? How…?" He didn't even know where to start.

"All the reactors have been shut down or replaced with power plants," his father said. "Mako energy was killing the planet, as well as increasing the numbers of monsters surrounding the reactors. For a little while, Shinra tried to keep some of the reactors going, but Wallace Alternative Energies stepped in and put a stop to it. Rightfully so—those reactors were never safe." As Gongaga found out the hard way.

"Wallace Alternative Energies?"

"They're the ones supplying the world with energy now," his mother explained. "At first it was oil, which is sucked up from the ground. But the CEO—What's his name?"

"Barret Wallace," his father supplied quickly, saying the name with an air of respect. "He used to be part of a resistance group that fought against those Shinra bastards."

Zack decided not to mention that he happened to be one of those Shinra bastards. Or used to be, as it would turn out. Not that he disagreed with his father, really.

"Yes, well," his mother continued. "He was afraid that even oil might be hurting the planet, so now he's started to faze that out in favor of, what's it called, solar dials? Panels?"

"They've created these panels that absorb energy from the sun," his father explained excitedly. "They don't have any negative impacts on the environment and aren't dangerous at all, not like those reactors were. Places like here—rural towns—we're still living on oil electricity, but Wallace intends to faze that out now too, all over the planet. We'll be gettin' our own solar panels in soon, no doubt. I've already got a spot on the roof picked out for em' too."

"Uh huh…" Zack wasn't sure what to say, really, because it all sounded so surreal.

"Of course, solar panels can't work everywhere, but Wallace and his team have other ideas about—"

"Dear, please," his mother cut in, probably able to see that Zack was already overwhelmed. "The point is, Shinra isn't in power anymore, so you don't need to worry about anyone… coming after you or anyone in the village." She squeezed his hand, her voice choking slightly. "You're safe now. You're home."

Nodding vaguely, Zack supplied a weak "Yeah…" of agreement, though he was still having a hard time believing anything they were saying. It all sounded so fantastic, and completely destroyed any ideas he had about how the world functioned. If Shinra was gone, then who was in charge? What had happened to the military? And SOLDIER?

What had happened to Cloud?

"Zack…?" his mother questioned tentatively.

"Yeah, sorry," he said, trying to gather at least some of his composure. "This is all just a lot to take in."

His father frowned. "You really have no idea where you've been the last four years?"

"No…"

"It's alright," his mother assured. "We're here to take care of you. Everything will be better now."

Despite his doubts, Zack nodded. He found he felt very small and oddly out of place. Like he was floating in some alternate world to the one he'd known. Part of him was staunchly rejecting everything they were saying, because it was all just so unbelievable, while another part of him was just trying to digest. It was… extremely overwhelming, and he found that he was suddenly very, very tired.

"Why don't you go lie down for a while," his mother murmured. "I'll get some food on and your father will get you something to wear, hm?"

Staring down at the floor, Zack nodded. "Okay…"

He wasn't sure what else he could possibly be expected to do.

_9 Years Ago_

He was being punished, of that Cloud was absolutely certain. Sure, Zack was all smiles when he dished out the extra work, but that didn't mean he wasn't secretly pissed. Or so Cloud was assuming he had to be, because why else would he be so hyper-focused on him?

It had to be because of what had happened in the library. He should have just stayed and let Zack prattle on, playing the shy card as long as possible. Now he was on Zack's radar in a serious way. In an unavoidable way that resulted in more attention than Cloud had ever bargained for. This was all very much the exact opposite of what he'd wanted. Sometimes, he wondered if Zack wasn't doing this because he knew the truth, but Cloud was fairly certain he'd never said a word to Zack, so that couldn't be the case.

Besides, who would purposefully treat their soulmate this way? And wasn't Zack supposed to be the nice, friendly First Class?

Well, at least he had Sundays free of Zack. Sure, he had to work, but he didn't have any classes. So long as he didn't have any random run-ins with the other man, he should be alright. Granted, the situation didn't appear to be working in his favor as he'd had not one, but two random encounters with Zack in the last week, but perhaps he'd hit his quota.

He could only hope.

Despite the extra training hours he'd been assigned, he was still going to try and keep to his originally planned schedule. And that meant starting his rounds at the gym. Now that he had a pretty good idea of how his classes were going to go and what kind of workload he was looking at, he could plan his workouts accordingly. Not that he wasn't working out every day anyway, what with his elevator pass having been stolen away!

His legs were so sore from climbing so many stairs that he sometimes felt as though they'd fall off at any moment. He had to stretch just to prepare himself to go from one place to the next—it was absolutely ridiculous. Shinra HQ was not built to function without elevators!

No, he needed to just… not focus on it. It was Sunday, his work shift was over. He could put his headphones on, start his workouts at the gym, and not think one bit about Zack Fair.

Staying focused on this rationale, he returned to his barracks, saying nothing as he went in and moved to his bed in the back corner. As a new recruit with no experience, he had to stay in the barracks, which meant next to no privacy. Just a bed and a lockable dresser where he kept his things. He didn't like it, but he'd gotten used to it. At least twenty others stayed in the same room, a few of them hanging around chatting while Cloud pulled out a pair of gray sweats, a blue tank-top, and his worn-out sneakers. Shedding his uniform, he quickly changed before grabbing his headphones and hooking them up to his PHS.

Turning, he was just about to head back out, but found himself almost colliding with two others, who'd been standing behind him with their arms crossed critically over their chests.

"Where you headed, Strife?" one of them asked. He was the taller of the two. Built like a brick and with a punch to match, he'd apparently singled Cloud out as his favorite target all the way back in boot camp.

Cloud sighed. "This isn't your barrack, Rich. You're not supposed to be in here. Neither of you, in fact." Had they followed him in? Probably. At least the third of his two lackeys wasn't around—that cut his problems down by a considerable amount.

"And what're you gonna do about it?" Rich asked, leaning down so he was practically breathing in Cloud's face.

Beside him, the other bully snickered. He was the tall, gangly sort, with stringy long hair that he obviously didn't wash enough.

Cloud scowled. "Report your dumb ass, I suppose," he said simply, knowing as soon as the words left his mouth that he probably shouldn't have said them.

Rich stepped even closer as a result, one corner of his lips pulling into a smile. Probably because he'd known full well that it took next to nothing to instigate a nasty reaction from Cloud, which he seemed to think justified any of his own actions following.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" he asked quietly, so close now that Cloud had to crane his neck up to retain eye contact.

Well, he'd already said it once, so there wasn't really any backing down now.

"A dumbass," Cloud replied strictly. "I could come up with a few different variations though, if that one is too difficult for you to understand."

Rich glared, his hands visibly tensing. A sign, Cloud knew, that he was likely in for a fight.

"Hey, you two!" The call had the two bullies turning to look back at the door, where one of the hall monitors was peeking into the room. They were a few ranks higher than the standard recruit, and were very rarely in the right place at the right time. But perhaps Cloud's luck would actually be up for the day. "Do you belong in here?" Perhaps someone else who shared his barrack had reported them.

For some seconds, Rich didn't say anything, before eventually releasing a tight sigh. "We were just visiting a friend," he lied, looking pointedly back at Cloud as he did.

"Doesn't matter, you can't be in here. Come on." The hall monitor beckoned them out of the room. Sparing Cloud one final, nasty look—which earned them a glare in response—the two headed back out the way they'd come, soon vanishing out of sight as they were escorted elsewhere.

Tsking in annoyance, Cloud waited around a few more minutes before deciding to head out, hoping he'd avoid any further confrontations. Thankfully, his bullies were nowhere to be found as he headed for the stairs, thankful when he'd made it all the way to the stairwell without coming across anyone.

The public gym was only one floor above the barracks, so it wasn't much of a climb (thankfully). Slipping his headphones over his ears, he was soon drowning out the rest of the world as he left the stairwell and headed directly for the track that bordered the entire floor. The gym itself was pretty busy, as he'd expected it would be. He was thankful, really, because the more people that were around, the less anyone would be paying attention to him.

Turning up his music and beginning to stretch, he ran through the sprint workouts he'd decided would work best, trying to remember everything he'd set his mind to doing. No doubt he wouldn't be great at first, but the more he practiced, the better off he'd be. Or so he kept telling himself.

Ignoring the way his body ached from everything it'd been put through that week, he did a few more swinging arm stretches, before starting the stopwatch on his PHS and taking a step to begin jogging forward. But just as he did, someone grabbed the back of his tank top and yanked him harshly backward. Gagging, Cloud stumbled, his headphones nearly knocked off his head as he fumbled for purchase.

Swinging around as soon as the pressure on the back of his shirt let up, he had a glare and a few scathing words at the ready.

The sight of Zack Fair's curiously cocked eyebrow had him biting back at everything on the tip of his tongue.

"What are you doing here?" Zack asked, hands going to his hips as he leaned down, as if to get closer to Cloud's level.

Unlike everyone else in the gym, Zack was wearing his normal SOLDIER uniform, his huge sword strapped to his back and materia visibly equipped to his bracers. Whatever he'd been doing, the gym hadn't been his initial goal. Which only irritated Cloud further, a scowl etching across his lips as he glared up at the pushy SOLDIER.

"Well, look at that, the sight of me isn't making you go red from the neck up anymore, huh?"

No, it wasn't, because Cloud couldn't believe this was actually happening. Quite frankly, he was fed up with Zack. Soulmate or not, he was tired of seeing his dumb, beautiful face.

His glare intensified.

"I saw you on the stairwell on my way down," Zack supplied, apparently not needing any prompting from Cloud to explain his presence there. "While I commend your efforts, you really shouldn't be anywhere near the gym."

Remaining stiff and annoyed, Cloud refused to so much as utter a peep.

"I'm serious," Zack continued. "I'm pretty familiar with your schedule by now and I know, personally, how much extra training you've been assigned. If you're really working on everything you're supposed to be doing for class, then you shouldn't be setting a single foot inside a gym. You wanna stretch your muscles till they snap?"

Cloud curled his lip, but some curiosity did leak into his expression.

"I get you wanna get ahead, but you work your body too hard and it's gonna fail right out from under you."

 _And whose fault is that?_ Cloud wanted to ask. But didn't, of course.

"You're not mako enhanced or anything, which means you need to be careful." Gently, Zack reached out and shoved him by the shoulder. Which normally would have elicited a defensive response from Cloud, but something in the way he did it was… gentle, as opposed to aggressive. "Don't mess yourself up before you've even gotten started."

His words were… not what Cloud had expected. Truth be told, he'd have assumed Zack would start pushing him even harder, given the situation. That was all he'd been doing the whole week—pushing Cloud harder and harder every chance he got. This change in his approach was both suspicious and confusing, because if Zack was using all the extra work as punishment, then why was he backing off now?

"If you're really that determined to make use of all your spare time, then you should just go to the library and study some more," Zack continued. His whole face lit up a second later, before he snapped his fingers and pulled out his PHS. "Hm, well, I've got a bit of time to spare. Come on!" Reaching out, he grabbed Cloud by the arm, apparently intent on dragging him off.

Which had Cloud reacting instinctively. Jerking back, he yanked himself free, stumbling a few steps further away as he did.

Zack was visibly surprised, glancing first at Cloud, then back at his hand, then back to Cloud again. "Oh, right, sorry. I keep forgetting that you don't really like to be touched. I didn't mean to, I swear. But for real, come with me. I've got some books to give you." He gestured for Cloud to follow, apparently thinking he'd do so without prompting. "I was going to give them to you in class, but I kept forgetting and—"

He faltered, apparently realizing that Cloud was not, in fact, trailing along behind. Instead, he remained where he was, content to stay suspicious.

"Seriously, let's go, I've only got, like, thirty minutes," Zack reiterated.

Cloud pursed his lips and refused to budge.

"Dude, come on, I'm just…" Zack sighed and approached Cloud once again. "I just wanna go upstairs to my apartment and get you those books we talked about in the library. Well, that I talked about, since you never say anything. I checked them out and kept forgetting to give them to you. And since you need them to study, I figure we should go get them now. You know, so you have something to do instead of this."

His whole explanation left Cloud puzzled. One minute, Zack was being a total hard-ass toward him and the next he was, what, looking out for his health and trying to help him study? What exactly was this guy playing at?

Soulmate or not, Cloud didn't trust it.

Zack, meanwhile, was beginning to look rather exasperated. "Strife, are you really going to make me order you to come with me or can you just come along for a minute?"

Order him? Well, whether Cloud was being respectful nor not, Zack was his superior. By a great margin, in fact. If he was ordered to do something—whether he was off duty or not—he basically had to do it, no questions asked.

"This whole thing will be less painful if you just come with me."

This whole thing would be less painful if Zack wasn't such a pain in Cloud's ass. Yet, even so, he couldn't keep being stubborn. No matter Zack's intents, it would be easier to just do as he said and go with him.

Slumping in defeat, Cloud released a short sigh, which was more than enough communication for Zack. Flashing Cloud a grin, he once again turned and headed off, not bothering to stop and look back this time. Clearly, he was confident Cloud would follow along behind. Justifiably so, as Cloud did just that.

Zack led him to the elevator, which inspired bitter resentment in Cloud. He faltered, watching as Zack strolled right in through the door. He turned to face him shortly after, appearing curious at the fact that Cloud remained outside. Before a knowing smile flashed across his face, one that was followed by a light laugh.

Not nearly as amused, Cloud reverted back to glaring.

"C'mon, c'mon, you have permission to use the elevator," Zack said, once again beckoning him in. "My apartment's all the way up on the upper levels, so we definitely don't have time to take the stairs."

It was only the constant reminder of who he was talking to that kept Cloud silent. There were half a dozen nasty rebukes waiting to leap off his tongue—most of them making reference to the fact that, oh, they didn't have time _then_? What about all the time Cloud wasted rushing up and down the stairs during the rest of his day? Were it not for two specific variables—one being the fact that Zack was a First Class SOLDIER and the other that he was potentially Cloud's soulmate—Cloud might have been a bit more difficult, perhaps insisting that they take the stairs (despite how punishing that would be) because Zack had decreed that be a requirement.

But, alas, he kept his mouth shut, left with little choice but to march his way into the elevator. Making sure to stand on the opposite side from Zack, he leaned against the back wall, crossed his arms over his chest, and kept his gaze leveled anywhere but at the other man. Not that Zack was perturbed by his behavior. Within seconds of the elevator door closing, Zack was humming, tapping his toe to some unknown beat as they climbed from one floor to another.

The elevator came to a slow halt as they approached floor 60, however, Zack having to step forward and scan what must have been his own personal keycard before it would continue. It occurred to Cloud then that he was headed up into an area of Shinra HQ that he technically wasn't permitted to be in. Though he did his best not to appear alarmed, his paranoia began to rise. He didn't know if being with Zack made it okay that he was there or not. Sure, Zack was a First, but that didn't mean he could just do whatever he wanted. Cloud was about that last person that would be allowed in some of Shinra's most exclusive areas, which meant that if he was caught there, consequences would certainly ensue.

What was Zack trying to do to him? Torment him in every way possible?

As if preying on his nerves, the elevator came to a slow stop some fifteen levels below where they were headed. The doors parted a second later, Cloud staring in horror at the tall, leather-clad man that waited to step inside.

He knew he was gaping, all the color having drained from his face. Despite being part of the Shinra military, Cloud had never happened upon seeing Sephiroth in real life. Part of him had idealized the man to the point that it seemed absolutely ridiculous to entertain that he might ever see the legend in passing, let alone encounter him in an elevator.

But there he stood, his teal, steely eyes flicking up as the doors opened, his hugely long sword strapped to his hip. No expression, no words, just leather and power and cascading waves of silver hair.

Cloud was certain his heart had stopped.

He was reasonably left a stumbling mess when Zack abruptly reached out and grabbed him by the arm. Yanked over, he practically slammed into Zack's side as he was forced out of his preferred corner and directly into Zack's personal space. Not that he objected. Finding that he was now sufficiently tucked behind Zack's arm was more a comfort than a hindrance as Sephiroth stepped into the elevator.

Those sharp green eyes looked first to Cloud, but only for half a second, before they deferred upward.

"Zack," Sephiroth said simply, the deep purr of his voice sending shivers down Cloud's entire body.

"Sir," Zack replied, his tone as stiff as Cloud felt. Despite being a First Class, Zack was clearly not on the same level as Sephiroth. He wasn't looking at the tall, silver-haired war hero as the elevator doors closed, instead staring straight ahead while Cloud stood practically trembling just behind his arm.

Nothing else was said, Sephiroth standing silently beside them as the elevator continued to climb. Just as any normal person would have, Sephiroth had reached out and pressed the button for his desired floor, before returning to simply standing. The time it took to climb the ten floors to Sephiroth's destination felt like an eternity, Cloud nearly jumping out of his skin when the elevator came to a halt, dinging as the doors slid open.

Sephiroth didn't say anything, nor did he bother looking back at them. He moved out of the elevator with a sure-footed grace that Cloud knew he'd never possess no matter how much he trained or how many mako enhancements he got.

And just like that, he vanished around the corner, Cloud only realizing he'd been holding his breath when the elevator doors slid closed again. The weight of his relief left him weak-kneed, his hand coming up to grip at his hair as he crouched down and closed his eyes.

Directly beside him, Zack chuckled, before reaching down and ruffling his hair. Normally, Cloud would have swatted back at such a move, but he was still so numb trying to catch his breath that he barely noticed.

"Yeah, he tends to have that effect on people," Zack said above him. "I see him pretty often, but I still get a little tense. Oh, and sorry for grabbing you. It'd be weird if you were this high in HQ by yourself, so I just wanted to make sure he knew you were with me. Not that it looked like he cared."

Only half hearing his words, Cloud nodded, thankful when the elevator stopped and released yet another ding, giving him something else to focus on besides the fact that he'd just been so close to Sephiroth that he could have reached out and _touched_ him.

Zack's shadow moving to leave the elevator was what eventually prompted Cloud to straighten and follow him out. He felt oddly exposed and vulnerable now that Zack was walking out ahead of him, which was stupid considering he hardly knew the man. But perhaps Sephiroth left a lingering effect on people.

Skirting ahead so he was right behind Zack, he glanced around the quiet hallway, which was made up of nothing but numbered doors and the occasional light switch.

"This is where all the Firsts live, unless you're a general or something special," Zack started to explain, as if reading Cloud's questioning thoughts. "Normally no one is allowed up here but us, unless we've registered you beforehand. So don't say anything about being up here, okay? Okay."

Great. So what was going to happen if he got caught? Well, he could always blame everything on Zack. That was more plausible than the idea that he'd somehow gotten all the way up there on his own.

"This way." Turning right at a "T" intersection, Zack led him down past a few more doors, eventually coming to a stop at door F-47. Retrieving the same keycard he'd used in the elevator, the light on the lock turned from red to green, before Zack easily pushed his way inside.

Toeing into the room, Cloud just barely made it inside before the weighted door swung closed behind. Despite initial nerves, however, he soon began to calm. The apartment itself was hardly anything special, which made him a bit less anxious about being there. It was equitable to a studio in that it was one huge room aside from what looked like a small bathroom at the back. The bed was pushed up against the far right wall, the pillows and blankets in disarray. A desk and rolling chair sat against the wall just to the left of the door, a worn-out couch sitting directly across. While the kitchenette took up the entirety of the wall to the far left. Colored in grays and whites, the whole thing might have appeared as barren as the rest of the décor in the Shinra building, but Zack's general messiness and disorganization added a bit more to the room.

He had papers all over his desk, clothes scattered across the floor and atop his bed. His dishes were in dire need of washing, and Cloud was pretty sure the takeout box on the couch still had something in it.

Sad to say, his opinion of First Class SOLDIERS in general was dropping by the second.

"Here we go," Zack said, rifling through some files on the corner of his desk before he hefted a stack of four books into his arms. Returning to Cloud, he held them out as an offering. "Make sure to return them to the library in two weeks though—I don't want a whole bunch of overdo charges on my account."

Slowly, Cloud took the books, still a bit distracted evaluating the room.

"Hey, don't look like that. I know it's sort of messy, but I'm a busy, important guy."

Cloud knew he was visibly skeptical, which earned him a huff from Zack.

"Look here and not at my room," he said, pointing down at the books. "I marked some of the important stuff in these, so be sure to make copies of those pages before you return the books. Obviously, you need to study more than just those, but when it comes to the exam, those will help you the most in brushing up on anything you might have forgotten. Also, don't forget to—"

A knock on the door had Cloud startling forward, further into the room, while Zack turned curious.

"Zack," a voice said from the other side. "I'm coming in."

The door swung open again, Cloud having to take a steadying breath to stop his heart hiccupping too terribly. The sight of Angeal Hewley's broad form in the doorway was surprising, but thankfully Cloud was growing used to seeing him in class after having survived the first week.

"What can I do ya for, boss?" Zack asked, which earned him a strict look from Angeal.

"I need those lesson plans," he replied, coming fully into the room as he did. "I told you to have them to me by—Why's Strife here? He's not authorized to be on this floor. Did you register him as a visitor?"

"Relax, he's only up here for a minute," Zack replied.

Angeal sighed in obvious disapproval.

Cloud, meanwhile, was happy to be talked about so long as he didn't become the center of attention. Instead, he set his focus on the two men. Or, specifically, the giant swords they each carried on their backs. The blades had a striking resemblance to one another, at least as far as their size and shape. Their hilts varied, Angeal's adorned with swirling gold designs that made it appear somewhat dated in comparison to Zack's, which was a simple silver with notched bolts, making it look more industrial. Both had long handles—Angeal's being red while Zack's was brown leather—and two slots for materia placed into the tops of the blades.

"I need those lesson plans today," Angeal reiterated. "Preferably as soon as possible."

"Ugh, why? I'm just gonna teach the classes the same way you used to."

"Lesson plans, Zack. No exceptions."

"But Angeal, I was gonna head down for some training under the plate," he whined. "And maybe meet up with Aerith…"

Who was Aerith? Cloud frowned.

"Zack, you know what I'm going to say, which means you know where you're going to be spending the afternoon."

Head hanging, Zack slumped. "Alright. Guess I'll just stay up here all evening."

"If you'd done them earlier—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Angeal had no sympathy, though his gaze did trip once again over to Cloud. "Why is Strife up here?"

"I was just givin' him some books for studying," Zack replied, lacking considerably in the energy he'd had prior to Angeal's arrival.

His explanation had Angeal's expression turning from one of suspicion to something more akin to intrigued questioning. Whatever he was thinking, however, he kept it to himself, instead turning his attention once again to Zack. "Study plans, tonight."

"Okay, okay…"

Deeming that he'd harassed Zack enough, Angeal nodded before turning to head back out the door. But before he left entirely, Zack called him back.

"You're headed down, right? Take Cloud with you, since apparently I have to stay up here all night."

Looking at him yet again, Cloud hesitated just long enough to feel stupid, before he stumbled forward and followed Angeal out the door. Hugging his books to his chest, he cast Zack's room one last look over his shoulder before jogging to catch up with the general, who was moving rather swiftly back to the elevator.

"He shouldn't have brought you up here," Angeal said as he pressed the down button for the elevator.

"Sorry, Sir," Cloud muttered.

"He's supposed to be your superior, not your friend."

"Um, with all due respect, we're not friends," Cloud said quietly.

Angeal cocked a questioning eyebrow down at him.

"He's been harder on me than anyone else," Cloud continued. "I think I must have done something to make him mad…"

Flicking his gaze down to Cloud's books, Angeal released a short, huffing chuckle. "What makes you say that?"

The elevator arrived at the same time, Angeal stepping in first. Cloud made sure to keep a good distance between them as he entered, not wanting to infringe on the general's personal space.

"I'm not trying to complain," Cloud corrected then, supposing he might come across as a whiner if he expanded any further. "I'm sure I deserve it." Maybe Zack was still punishing him for the library? But then why go out of the way to get him the books anyway?

"What has he been making you do, Strife?" Angeal asked directly.

"Just… extra exercises. That's all."

"Did he take your elevator pass?"

Somewhat surprised, Cloud finally found the courage to look up at him. "Uh, yeah…"

Angeal nodded. And much to Cloud's frustration, said nothing more. They rode the rest of the way down in silence, Angeal eventually stepping out on the fifth level. Not wanting to seem like he was taking advantage of elevator privileges he no longer had, Cloud stepped out as well, staring for some time as Angeal marched off down the hall without saying another word.

Soon enough, he was standing in the hall alone, the books in his arms feeling heavier and heavier by the second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, my PS4 doesn't get here till tomorrow and it's so hard avoiding spoilers for the FF7R. I'm so upset I'm gonna cry. Scratch that, I'm already crying. All day. All the time. I cry. 
> 
> Anyway, yay! Zack is alive! And confused! And Cloud is also confused! It is a chapter of confusion! I'll try to have the next chapter out really soon--it's already half done. So yeah, lemme know what y'all think :D AND if you're into FF8, I'm probably gonna update my FF8 fic The Formula sometime today too, so ya should go check that out, lol.


	6. Chapter 6

_Present Day_

Panting, Tifa paced some in a circle, before turning back with a small smile. "You're holding back again." Eyeing Rude knowingly, she watched as he straightened, something like an uncomfortable groan seeping up from his throat as he turned to the side. "I'm starting to think you're letting me win on purpose."

It was an accusation that was met with silence, Rude instead messaging his knuckles, which were swathed in the same black wraps as hers. Aside from that, he was sweating through a black tank top and a pair of matching sweatpants, his feet bare atop their practice mat, much the same as Tifa's. She was wearing similar getup, their sparring matches having become so regular that she had workout clothes just for the occasion.

Shortly after Rude had started working for Cloud, the two of them had come into the habit of going into the basement where Tifa kept all her practice gear—punching bags, workout equipment, that sort of stuff. As Rude was one of Cloud's local delivery guys—at least for the time being—he tended to start his day dropping by the bar. Usually, it was at about this time that Tifa was cleaning tables and dishes from the night before, and he'd silently begun helping. She wasn't sure why—perhaps he just had nothing better to do before work. She'd tried to ask him once, but only gotten a noncommittal hum in response.

She sometimes wondered if he was avoiding Reno, as the two best friends lived together. Granted, Rude had more patience for Reno than most, but maybe even he got exasperated with the redhead on occasion.

In any case, his morning drop-ins had eventually transformed into sparring for the both of them, as they had a similar skillset. So similar, in fact, that Tifa had wondered if they'd had the same teacher. But Rude had verified that he'd learned all he knew upon joining the Shinra military, so that wasn't really possible.

"Just because you're a big guy doesn't mean I can't take you, you know," Tifa pointed out. "I've fought off a lot worse than you."

"I don't doubt that," he replied gruffly.

"Then stop holding back."

Another silent response.

Tifa huffed. "You know, for an ex-turk, your chivalrous attitude is sort of surprising." It was a comment that earned her a curious look. "Even back when we were at odds, you held back against me. I remember."

He stared at her for just a moment, before turning away again. "…I suppose it's just in my nature."

A claim that got him an eye roll. "Well, I guess it doesn't really matter. We're about done anyway." Going over to a nearby bench, she started to unwrap her hands.

"Do you need help at the bar today?" he asked, tone ever deep and unadorned as he joined her at the bench to do much the same as she was.

"It's your day off," she pointed out.

He shrugged. "Don't have anything better to do."

"I doubt that. But no, I don't need help. The bar is closed today." Which earned her another of Rude's imploring stares. "Cloud and I are taking Denzel out to Billie's today, so I'm taking my own day off."

"Your regulars will be disappointed."

"They'll have to make do otherwise."

"Can you afford to do that?" he asked, Tifa looking to him in surprise at his concern.

"I mean, it's not ideal," she admitted slowly. "But I'm not going to give up time with Cloud and Denzel either."

He hummed, a pregnant pause falling between them before he finally looked at her again. "I can run the bar while you're gone, if you want."

It was an offer that earned him only puzzlement, as Tifa couldn't understand why he'd even propose such a thing. Much as she was always left wondering when he volunteered to help out at the bar, or to assist her in cleaning up. She'd made it clear multiple times that she couldn't afford to pay him, but that had never seemed to make any difference. Generally, even when she said no to his offers of help, he'd just do as he pleased anyway.

"I don't think that's necessary," she eventually said. "Cloud can cover anything I don't make if I need him to. But… thank you, for offering. That's very generous."

He stared at her a second longer, as if he might be considering an objection, but ultimately he gave in. Nodding silently to himself, he refocused on his hands, much as Tifa did. She half-expected they'd stay quiet from then on, as she always assumed was more likely when it came to Rude. But much as he recently seemed to be doing, it wasn't long until he was turning her way again.

"How is he?"

"Cloud?" she asked, after a second of realization. "He's… about the same I guess. I tried to talk to him last night, but he said he's not ready to talk about it yet. Which is… understandable I guess, though…"

"Though…?"

Folding her hand wraps, Tifa then turned to look up at him, wondering if it was okay to talk about or not. Then again, Rude didn't seem like the type to go gossiping about other people's problems, and she would like to have another opinion on the matter. An opinion aside from Cloud's, which was understandably negative.

"Something strange happened last night," she started, turning to lean against the bench as she did. Rude, to his credit, kept his focus entirely on her, silent, but clearly ready to listen. "Cloud and I were talking, when all of a sudden he got this horrible pain in his arm. And then… then a new mark appeared, beneath his old soulmark."

"The soulmark for his dead soulmate," Rude verified.

"Right. And below it, a new mark. It just… appeared. Out of nowhere."

Tifa was confident that Rude didn't doubt her, as his silence was of the thoughtful nature.

"I've never heard of that happening before," she continued. "I know some people are born with two soulmarks, but for one to show up this late in life?"

"I've never heard of it either," Rude replied. "Does this mean he has another soulmate?"

"But people with more than one destined soulmate have their marks when they're born, don't they? Even if their soulmates aren't born yet?"

Rude nodded, acknowledging her point.

"So why would Cloud suddenly get a new soulmark now?"

"It is… strange," Rude agreed.

"Does that mean he has another soulmate out there? But if that's true, why wasn't he born with two marks?"

Rude shook his head. "How's he taking it?"

"Not well," Tifa admitted. "He barely slept. He was up and down all night. I can't even imagine what he must be thinking…"

Another one of those acknowledging hums.

"Maybe getting away from the city today will help, I don't know."

"What about you?" Rude asked suddenly, Tifa uncertain what to make of his question. "It can't exactly be comforting, knowing he has two soulmates."

She still didn't understand, which she made clear.

"It will inevitably add strain to your relationship," he said straight.

Tifa blinked up at him rather dumbly for a few seconds, before understanding finally dawned on her. "Cloud and I's relationship?" she asked, a humored grin crawling onto her face. "I'm not worried—Cloud and I aren't like that."

Rude was as visibly confounded as was possible, given his limited facial expression.

"I mean, we were once, on and off, but it's been a long while since then. At this point, he's my best friend, but nothing more than that."

"You're not…" Rude's expression visibly tightened, his gaze darting to the side.

"I guess I can see why people think otherwise. We are raising Denzel together, and we live together. And I suppose we are pretty private. But no, we're not in a romantic relationship. Nor do I think we really ever will be again. I think… I think Cloud's heart belongs to someone else, even if that person is gone."

"But you're in love with him," Rude said, sounding as if he was looking for verification. Which was surprising, mostly because it was a very audacious thing to say outright. Tifa was made a tad irritated, to say the least.

"No," she replied shortly. "I might have been once, but not anymore. Why are _you_ so interested?"

He blinked, offering up no justification, which had Tifa crossing her arms beneath her breasts as her temper continued to shorten. Perhaps it was the annoyed look on her face, but he did eventually find it in himself to speak.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to overstep. It's none of my business."

No, it wasn't. But Tifa kept that to herself, as he clearly was already aware of that.

"Cloud and I have a lot of history together," she said slowly, her tone somewhat guarded. "Our relationship is complicated."

"Yes, of course." He nodded his agreement. "Again, I apologize." He stood beside her just a second longer, before putting aside his hand wraps and turning away. Which surprised Tifa despite any sourness, because though he was the quiet type, Rude generally had more to say in farewell. But instead, he simply grabbed up his shoes and headed up the stairs without another word, leaving Tifa to grow only more and more confused as she stared after.

Something about what she'd said had unnerved him, but no matter how many times she went through the conversation in her head, she couldn't figure it out.

_9 Years Ago_

"Don't you think you're getting a little ahead of yourself?" Angeal asked, not even bothering to look up from where he was typing away at his computer. "It's only been the first week of classes."

On the other side of his desk, Zack was sitting somewhat lazily in his chair, one leg crossed over his knee while his foot jiggled with pent up energy. "I'm telling you, Angeal, he's got what it takes. Sure, he's scrawny and grouchy and glares a lot, but he's working harder than I ever did."

"Again, it's been one week."

"And I've seen him studying at the library, using up tons of time in the practice rooms, and even trying to work out. Which I stopped because it's really not healthy to be doing all he's doing at once, especially since I'm pretty sure he's not used to pushing his body this hard. Kid wants to work out like he's already got mako enhancements. Er, not kid, I mean—I told him I wouldn't call him that anymore."

"And this is why you've been so hard on him? Because you think he can take it?"

"Because I think he wants me to be hard on him. Not, like, consciously, but if he _really_ wants to get into SOLDIER this bad, then everything I'm doing is just to help him."

Angeal turned to cast him a flat look. "Does he _know_ that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think he's under the impression that he did something to piss you off," Angeal explained. "If everything you're doing—the extra work and forcing him to take the stairs everywhere—is supposed to be helping, then you might want to actually tell him that."

"Isn't it obvious? I'm the one that's been giving him study tips and spending my _personal_ time trying to get him to improve. And—Hey, wait, how do you know I've been forcing him to take the stairs?"

"He told me you took his elevator pass."

Zack surged forward. "He _told_ you?!"

Angeal appeared appropriately skeptical of his reaction. "Yes. Which is how I also know he thinks he did something to piss you off."

"I can't believe this! You know, this whole week I've been going out of my way to help him and he's never said a single word—not one! He just stands there silently either shocked or scared or, lately, just glaring at me. And not a single peep this whole time!" Zack pouted. "But he'll talk to you…"

Angeal chuckled. "You must have given off a very poor first impression."

"Excuse me?" Zack scoffed. "As if. I never give off a bad first impression. Everybody loves me. I even got Sephiroth to smile that one time, with the story about the Chocobo and my pants. No, no, no, that can't be it."

"It can't be that he just doesn't like you?"

"No!"

Angeal shook his head and continued typing, leaving Zack to ponder his words to the point of insecurity.

"You really think he doesn't like me?"

Taking a deep breath, Angeal once again took a break from his work to turn his attention on Zack. "You do come off a bit strong at times. And from what I've noticed, Strife is a quiet, reserved sort. It might be that your personality is just a bit overwhelming for him, on top of the fact that you're his instructor and a First."

"But I'm quiet and reserved," Zack defended, which earned him an even more skeptical look than previous. "Okay, well, I can be quiet when I wanna be. I'm just trying to be friendly most of the time. You make me out to be some kind of loud, obnoxious… I don't know!"

"You're not loud and obnoxious, you're just somewhat more boisterous than others. And Strife seems like he's exactly the opposite. That aside, it doesn't help that you didn't explain your motives—no wonder he's mixed up on what you're trying to do."

"You stepped in and helped me when I was in infantry."

"No, I stayed back and watched you for about a month before I approached you and made it clear that if you were interested in help, I would be willing to mentor you personally in preparation for the SOLDIER exam."

Angeal eyed him severely, while Zack sat back and considered.

"I guess I didn't do that," he eventually determined.

"No, you didn't. You took his elevator pass and have been forcing him to take the stairs everywhere without telling him why."

"It's easy, mandatory exercise!"

"Zack…"

"Yeah, okay, he probably has the right to glare at me every time I see him."

"Probably thinks you're targeting him maliciously."

"Well, I wouldn't be giving him books and advice if that was the case."

Angeal shrugged, though his expression remained superior—as if he knew better, but was refusing to say anything further. Which was just Angeal's M.O. Always the type to leave hints and riddles instead of just saying what he was thinking.

"Whatever, I'll deal with my issues with him," Zack continued. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm positive he's got what it takes to make First. I know you said the chances of finding someone like that were slim to none, but! It does happen. You found me, and that was back when I was just some bean-pole fifteen-year-old with more acne than muscle mass."

"You _were_ quite the disappointment to look at," Angeal replied. "It's a good thing your personality made up the difference."

Zack glared. "Thanks."

"I'm just being honest. Besides, you clearly aged out of it."

"Damn right. I'm hot as fuck."

Angeal rolled his eyes.

"I gotta keep up my good looks, after all. Can't disappoint my soulmate when we finally meet."

"And here I thought you'd gotten so distracted tormenting Strife that you'd forgotten about that."

"Forget about my soulmate? Never."

"Too bad."

" _Anyway_! Give Spike a few years and he'll be as much of a prodigy as I was, I guarantee."

It was a statement that finally had Angeal reaching out to turn off his computer, before setting his full attention on Zack. "Just so we're clear," he started, "you're not focusing on this kid because you're bored and desperate, are you?"

It was a question Zack didn't understand, which must have translated into his expression.

"I know you put on a strong façade and that you get along well enough with the other Firsts, but I also know _you_ and I can tell that you've been having a hard time adjusting. You've always been like that."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the youngest First by almost ten years, and even most of the Thirds are older than you. I know you have your friend down below the plate—Aerith—but you don't get to see her as much as you'd like. What I'm trying to say is, you're not just pinning your hopes of finding someone, how shall we say, 'relatable' on Strife, are you? Because that's a lot of pressure to live up to, the SOLDIER exam aside."

"Are you saying I'm helping him because I just want, like, a friend or something in SOLDIER?" Zack asked, before releasing a huffing chuckle. "Look, you're right, it does get lonely, and I do spend more nights alone in my apartment than I'd like, but I'm not so desperately lonely that I need to make up potential SOLDIER applicants out of guardsmen that are around my age. I don't need a playmate—I'm not five."

"I'm just making sure," Angeal replied.

"I'm focused on Strife because I honestly think he has what it takes. That's it."

"Alright, alright." Angeal raised his hands in defeat. "I'll watch him a bit more closely from now on."

Zack's shoulders dropped of the tension he hadn't realized he'd been holding onto. "Thank you."

"But," Angeal said, standing up from behind his desk as he did, "if I catch him on his PHS in my class again, I can't guarantee a good opinion."

"That literally only happened one time," Zack reasoned, jumping to his feet as he did. "And it was the first day. He hasn't been caught with it since—not even earlier today, when you were giving about the most boring lecture on troop placements I've ever heard."

"It's necessary information."

"I almost fell asleep and I'm supposed to be the one helping you teach."

"Maybe if you'd actually been helping, you wouldn't have been falling asleep."

"I'm just saying," Zack persisted, the two of them heading out the door, "a more interactive approach might get you a better response."

"Mission briefings aren't interactive. They'd do better to listen and get used to it."

Zack sighed, supposing it was a losing battle. Angeal was a great guy and all, but he could be stubborn about a lot of things. Not in the petulant way some people were, but more so in the vein that he was difficult to convince out of his way of thinking. Which was why Zack picked his battles wisely. Strife was a more important fight to win than Angeal's teaching style.

"You wanna go grab some food in the cafeteria?" Zack asked, changing the subject as they headed down the hall.

Angeal looked doubtful. "It's almost ten."

"So what? Preparation for my midnight snack."

Angeal opened his mouth—likely with a critique of Zack's eating habits—but before he could get another word out, a yell from further down yanked both their attention. Sharing one look with each other, they were soon jogging down the hall, turning around a corner that led into the infantry barracks.

"Hey!" both Angeal and Zack yelled at the same time, upon the scene unfolding before them.

Four low ranking infantry, one of them lashing out at a larger one, while another laughed and the last reached out to grab the smallest one, who was doing the initial lashing. They all froze upon being called out, however, looking up and going pale at the sight of the two Firsts marching their way.

Zack immediately recognized them, as they were the same four he'd caught getting out of control "practicing" the week before. Strife, of course, and the three that appeared to be surrounding him. Zack recognized them from some of his classes as well, though he couldn't place their names.

"What's going on here?" Angeal asked fiercely, Zack sighing at the fact that, of _course_ they'd catch Strife in a fight right after he'd gone to all the effort of defending the guy. Granted, he was definitely the most beat up of the three—had a nasty cut on his cheek, blood at the corner of his lips, and what would likely turn into a nasty black eye come the following day.

He'd put up a fight, though. The biggest of the other three had a bloody nose, while the one that had been going to grab Strife had a nicely bruised cheek. The only one of them appearing wholly unmarred was the one who'd been laughing.

"I asked a question and I expect an answer," Angeal said, when all they did was stare at them blankly. All but Strife, who straightened from his previously aggressive posture to stare down at the floor.

"You're in the army now," Angeal said sternly, his jaw tight with irritation. "This kind of behavior is beyond unacceptable. Now one of you had better answer me—what is going on?"

Zack looked to Cloud, silently pleading with him to say something. Anything. Admitting to screwing up would go a lot further than silence. Yet the blonde continued to stare down at his feet, not even bothering to look up as the other three shied back submissively. It was nearly enough to make Zack want to smack him upside the head.

"Strife started it," one of the three—the tall, skinny one with the bruised cheek—said a second later. Yet, there was something childish and accusing in his tone that rubbed Zack the wrong way.

"You don't just start hitting someone without provocation," Zack replied darkly.

"I don't really care who started it or why," Angeal cut in. "You're all out of line. This kind of behavior is not tolerated—you'll all report Sunday for clean-up duty beneath the plate, starting at six in the morning until nine pm."

There was some regret in their faces, as well as general animosity directed toward Cloud. Who _still_ wouldn't look up.

"Some of us have guard shifts that day, Sir," the one who'd been laughing pointed out meekly.

"Then I suggest you go to your captains and explain the situation, so they can inconvenience four others to cover your shifts," Angeal said sternly. "I guarantee, you fail to show up and the consequences will be much worse than this." His heavy gaze fell to each of them equally. "Now report to your barracks."

They all saluted, before turning quickly and heading off down the hallway. Zack stared after, ignoring the way Angeal's heavy stare had turned on him for just a few seconds, before inevitably facing him.

"I'll talk to him," Zack assured, far more serious about the subject this time around.

"See that you do," Angeal replied, before shaking his head and walking back the way they'd originally come. Staring down the hall where the four guardsmen had disappeared, Zack frowned before turning to drag himself after.

Angeal ended up passing on the invitation for food, reasoning that he needed to get to sleep because he had to be up early. Which was pretty normal for Angeal, all things considered, but left Zack to poke away at his late-night meal alone, before eventually deciding that he'd go do some training. He wasn't ready for sleep yet—probably because teaching didn't expend his energy nearly as much as missions—so he found himself oftentimes restless. He'd always had periodic issues with insomnia, so it wasn't all that surprising, but it did make him one of the few people up and around this late—aside from the guardsmen who worked the night shift, of course.

None of the guards standing outside the entrance to the training rooms tried to stop him, but he did pause near the main office to sign in. There was no staff on duty currently, which meant he had to swipe his keycard through the digital kiosk before being presented with a map of all the available training rooms.

Humming thoughtfully, his finger wavered over the touchpad as he tried to decide which room to take, noting that one of the rooms was already occupied. Which caused him pause. Not because it was strange, but because it was too late for anyone lower ranked than SOLDIER to be there. This, of course, piqued Zack's interest. If another SOLDIER was there, then maybe he could convince them to have a bout of sparring with him, as opposed to him practicing all on his own.

Tapping on the occupied room, a list of everyone that had checked in that day appeared to the side (he had access to such information due to his rank). Scrolling to the bottom, he noticed that the final name on the list was highlighted in red, which meant they'd broken protocol by being there.

"Are you fucking serious?" Zack muttered to himself, the name "Cloud Strife" glaring back up at him. According to the roster, he'd checked in a little over an hour ago, which would have been shortly after being reprimanded by Angeal. And seeing as his name was flashing red, he'd stayed past midnight, which his rank didn't permit.

Had he just forgotten to sign out of the room before he'd left? And why in the world would he have signed into a practice room just after Angeal had specifically told him to return to barracks? Was he really that determined to practice or did he simply have an affinity for breaking rules?

Sighing to himself, Zack entered the database and cleared Cloud's name of any wrong-doing, using his own rank to sign him out. He then checked into the same room himself, because it really didn't matter what room he checked into, before exiting out of the registration window and heading on down the hall.

The room was the last one on the left, Zack using his keycard to unlock the pad before the doors slid open.

The light was already on, which immediately had Zack's shoulders dropping. He was not, therefore, that entirely surprised to see Cloud was still there, once he'd given the room a once-over.

What _was_ surprising was that the blonde was curled up in the corner, sleeping.

"What the hell, man?" He marched right over to the younger man, nearly reaching down to wake him up when the sight of his bare forearm caught his eye.

 _Watch out, Spike, or you'll end up in a mess of trouble_.

His soulmark. Zack had never seen it, as most military uniforms covered such things. And when he had come across Cloud in civvies, he'd had the mark otherwise covered (not unusual—Zack generally kept his soulmark covered as well).

"You ought to listen to your soulmate," he muttered. "You are a bit of a magnet for trouble. Or maybe you just barrel into it on purpose."

Leaning back up, Zack frowned, continuing to stare down at the sleeping blonde for some time. Eventually, he decided against waking him and instead went to the computer console attached to the wall beside the door.

Once again using his keycard to sign in, he brought up the camera history for the room that day, scrolling it back to around eleven pm. As the recording played, it revealed that Cloud had already entered the room by then. A punching bag had been lowered from the ceiling retrieval and he was punching away at it… quite violently.

Fast-forwarding, Zack found that he abused the bag for nearly half an hour, before he stood limply beside it for a few minutes. He then abruptly yelled out in frustration and paced away from the bag. Back and forth, back and forth, before he sent the bag back into the retrieval, unwrapped his hands, and took up a practice sword instead.

He spent the next forty-five minutes going strictly through the drills Zack had been teaching in class, repeating them over and over and over again. The sight had Zack quirking a small smile as he fast-forwarded through, only slowing the recording when Cloud abruptly stopped swinging. He stood stock-still for only half a second, before rifling around in the pocket of his sweatpants. Yanking his PHS up, he clearly looked at the screen before slumping in place.

There was then a very audible "SHIT!" over the speakers, which had Zack chuckling out loud. He must have checked the time and realized he was some twenty minutes past his curfew.

Aside from those who worked the night shift, everyone who lived in the barracks had a curfew. To try and curb disruptions during the time when most people were sleeping, going in and out of the barracks was prohibited beyond midnight until six in the morning. Cloud, therefore, was locked out of the barracks until that time, explaining the obvious frustration he was experiencing on the screen.

Fast-forwarding a bit more, Zack watched (with a growing smile) as Cloud paced about the room, clearly trying to figure out what to do. Sometimes he'd look like maybe he had an idea, before he quickly shook his head and started pacing again.

Eventually, he leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to the floor. Continuing to fast-forward, Zack watched as he played around on his PHS for a little while, before eventually beginning to nod off. Which gave Zack a pretty clear idea of how he'd ended up curled up on the floor.

Exiting out of the console, Zack turned again to Cloud. He was sleeping soundly, which Zack thought quite odd considering the floor couldn't be at all comfortable. Approaching him again, he crouched down, unaware of his own smile at the sight of Cloud's half-open mouth as he snoozed away. The evidence of his previous fight was still fresh, his left eye a ripe blue color, while his lip and the cut on his cheek were crusted with dried blood.

Poor kid.

Oh right, he had to quit calling him that.

"Cloud, hey, you need to wake up," Zack said quietly, reaching out to lightly jiggle his shoulder. Which resulted in Cloud groaning in his sleep, his face scrunching up in distaste. He didn't wake, however.

Continuing to watch him, Zack sighed, trying to decide what to do with him when he did wake up. Maybe he could go to the library—that was more comfortable than a training room. Or even one of the couches in a common lounge. Then again, he'd probably get scolded if someone saw him sleeping in a lounge, which wouldn't be a great development considering he was already in trouble. And if the night librarian caught him sleeping, he'd be in trouble there too.

"Guess you're comin' up to my apartment, then, huh," Zack said out loud. Yet, still, Cloud didn't wake. He didn't so much as stir. "Heavy sleeper. Probably the only thing heavy about you."

A fact that inspired Zack to take action. He was more of a doer, after all, than a thinker. Reaching out, he carefully slid one arm under Cloud's legs while the other wrapped around his shoulders. Careful not to jostle him, Zack stood, Cloud as light in his arms as he'd assumed he'd be.

Being the perfectly trained SOLDIER that he was, Zack was able to hold Cloud without too much in the way of a disturbance, Cloud's head lolling into his chest being the only part of him that moved unexpectedly. Yet, still, he didn't wake, breathing remaining easy and unbothered.

"I wish I could sleep like that," Zack muttered, walking out the door of the practice room as he did. "I don't think I've slept that hard in my whole life. You'll have to work on that in SOLDIER, you know. Can't have you going out on missions and then sleeping through any surprises during the night."

His voice did finally garner a small reaction, Cloud's face once again scrunching. His eyes cracked open just a sliver, slits of those bright blues visible as he looked up at Zack. Zack, who grinned down at him. Cloud, to his credit, did look a bit confused by the whole thing, but then apparently decided he was too tired to care. Eyes closing again, he turned his face into Zack's chest, burying his nose there before falling back into a deep sleep.

"Again, jealous of your sleeping skills," Zack murmured, offering no explanation to the guards as he walked out of the practice hall. He instead went directly to the elevator further down, gingerly keeping Cloud balanced in his arms as he scanned his keycard and walked in. He was alone, which wasn't surprising given the time, and made it all the way to his floor without interruption.

Knowing that he looked odd carrying around an unconscious, young (no matter his own age) infantryman, he made his way as quickly as he could to his own apartment, once again careful not to jiggle Cloud around too much as he scanned his way into the room.

Once there, he released a light huff and went directly to the bed. Kicking some of his clothes from the night before aside, he placed Cloud as carefully as he could upon the sheets, glad when the blonde settled quite nicely into place with little in the way of fuss.

"You may have a bit of an attitude, but you're certainly not hard to please," Zack murmured, once again grinning as Cloud buried his nose in his pillow, before going still. Carefully removing Cloud's sneakers and setting them aside, Zack grabbed hold of his comforter and covered Cloud up to his shoulders, before reaching out and shifting a blonde strand of hair out of his face. "Adorable too. You'd do better to protect your pretty face instead of always throwing hands."

Supposing his wisdom was wholly wasted given the situation, Zack sighed before stepping back. He watched Cloud for a moment longer, before turning and making his way to the kitchenette. Grabbing himself a snack, he then plopped down in his rolling chair, kicked off his boots, and pulled up his PHS.

"Wonder what time you need to get up," he muttered, more so to himself. Pulling up Cloud's personal file from his class list, he scrolled down to his schedule. "Tuesday's are your day off, huh? Guess you don't need to get up in the morning, then."

Satisfied he didn't have to worry about when Cloud woke, he turned to his computer.

"Guess I'll just play games or something all night. Not like I'd planned to sleep much anyway."

Satisfied his night was set, he slipped his headphones on over his ears (while Cloud was clearly a heavy sleeper, he didn't have faith that his gaming wouldn't wake him), and opened the last save he'd been playing from a few nights before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I finished this, so no point in keeping you guys waiting. 
> 
> Anyone remember that Rude had a crush on Tifa in the original game? No? Just me? Well, anyway. 
> 
> Wonder how Cloud is going to react when he wakes up, hu hu. The next chapter is one of my favs, so it'll be fun no doubt ;D
> 
> TODAY IS THE DAY! MY PS4 IS OUT FOR DELIVERY! AHHHHHHHHHH! FF7R HERE I COME!


	7. Chapter 7

_Present Day_

The road from Edge to Billy's farm was long and bumpy, the trip taking a majority of the morning. But Cloud didn't wholly mind the drive, even if he was stuck behind the wheel of one of their delivery pick-up trucks and not his bike. It was calming to his tightened anxieties to hear Tifa and Denzel chatting back and forth, both of them encouraging him to join in now and then. Of course, the occasionally worried look Tifa threw his way didn't help, but he did pretty well in ignoring it. Having Denzel tucked onto the bench seat between them helped, as it gave him an excuse not to acknowledge why she'd be worried, even if his internal dialogues were wracked anger.

Frustrated anger, really, because he didn't want another soulmate. He wasn't sure what the meaning was behind the sudden new soulmark, but he was one-hundred percent certain he wanted nothing to do with it. If he did have another soulmate out there, he hoped he never met them. It was just too much. After everything that had gone on in his life, he didn't have it in him to form new bonds like that, not with the heaviness and passion he'd experienced with… Zack.

He was content where he was. Happy, even. Some people might not see it, but it was true. He'd been fighting his whole life, from childhood bullies to Shinra to Sephiroth. Peace, while it'd come with great sacrifice, wasn't something he was willing to give up for the sake of some unknown phenomenon. Tifa and Denzel were enough. Were perfect.

There was no reason to introduce some new unknown into his life. As far as he was concerned, the second mark on his arm didn't exist. And, thankfully, he'd become pretty good at ignoring that which he didn't want to deal with. A hold over from his mako poisonings, perhaps, but a skill he wasn't wholly convinced was bad. Ten years ago, this sort of thing would have left him an uncertain and frazzled mess, but he'd learned the virtues of capping his worries. It was out of his control, whatever it was. Should there come a time when he had to face it, he would, but he wasn't about to go looking for trouble. After all, if the new mark _was_ trouble, odds were it'd come looking for him whether he liked it or not. At which point he'd tell it to go fuck off.

This was the sentiment he settled on as they drove through the continually greening landscape leading them to Billy's. True, the area around Edge and Midgar was still dried and dead, but once they passed beyond the cliffs, the world began to come alive.

It reminded him of the past, of long walks through the days and nights beneath the stars as he and his friends had started their journey. Bittersweet memories that, despite their impending darkness, had carved away a special place inside him over the years. He'd never had much in the way of friends until Tifa had found him straggling into Midgar following his first bout of Mako poisoning. There'd been Zack, of course, and his mother, but other than that, he'd spent much of his life alone. He'd learned and lost many things during that journey, the clearing of his guilt allowing him to appreciate what had been good even as it'd walked alongside the bad.

Frankly, he was certain that neither Zack nor Aerith would want him to view it any other way, even if he'd struggled some to reach that understanding. It was hard. Sometimes, the grief was just too much. But on bright, sunny days such as it was, he could pretend like it was all much more distant. Every quiet word exchanged between Tifa and Denzel helped the ache to fade, while the open road, towering southern mountains, green hills, and open skies pulled him forward.

By the time they were leaving the mountains behind—the plains opening up before them—he was certain he was headed in the right direction. No matter what his past or what the marks on his arm wanted to say otherwise.

"Look, there it is!" Denzel said excitedly, when Billy's farm rose up from behind a hill in the dusty dirt road. He bounced a bit in his seat, the most impatient he'd been the whole trip. It was well into early afternoon, as it took some eight hours to get from Edge to Billy's. Yet, Denzel had never complained. He was content to wait out the trip with more patience than most kids his age, seemingly fine with the quiet conversation and the landscape flitting by outside.

Cloud liked to think both he and Denzel had that in common—an appreciation for the quiet monotony of the world.

They were pulling up to the familiar farm house and barn shortly after, Denzel excitedly pointing out the chocobos poking around at the dirt in the large pasture out front.

"Can I go see them?" he asked as soon as they were out of the truck.

"Sure," Cloud said simply. "Just don't get too close. The ones out in the pen are usually still pretty feral."

Face straightening some of his excitement, Denzel nodded seriously before turning and skipping over to the fence. A few of the yellow birds lifted their heads to look at him, but most ignored him altogether.

"It is peaceful out here," Tifa said, both of them watching as Denzel crouched down to get a look at the birds through the fence. "It reminds me of Nibelheim."

Cloud hummed in agreement, a slight pause wavering between them.

"Would you ever want to move back out to a place like this?" Cloud found himself asking. Clearly startled by his question, Tifa whipped her head around to look at him, her lips parting some in surprise.

"I mean…" she said slowly. "It might be nice, I suppose, but… it's hard to run a bar in the country."

"That's true," Cloud agreed. "Don't worry, I'm not suggesting we move. I was just curious."

Seemingly settled by his reasoning, Tifa allowed herself to be a bit more thoughtful. "Maybe thirty years from now, when I retire," she said. "I don't know that I could take this kind of… stillness all the time. I'd be left to my thoughts too often, I think."

Cloud nodded his head in response.

"But you…" She turned up to him, smiling as she did. "I bet you'd love it. No people, no noise."

"I do hate people."

"Just you and the chocobos."

"Maybe I should sell my place in Costa Del Sol and build a place out here. Keep my own birds instead of paying Billy to do it."

Tifa gaped. "You still have that villa in Costa Del Sol?"

"Yeah… Why wouldn't I?"

"You never talk about it!" she countered heatedly. "I figured you'd sold it when you started the delivery business."

"SDS started small. I didn't need a down payment for anything like that. Besides, that's where I stay when I've got business on the other continent."

"I can't believe you," she said, pouting some as she did. "We could have been vacationing at the beach this whole time…"

"You always want to stay in Edge when you take time off. And you always said you didn't like the beach because guys are always harassing you."

"That's not the point…"

"Well, well, well, look who it is!" Turning to the house, both Tifa and Cloud watched as Bill came hobbling out of the door to greet them. He was as comical a sight as ever, with his ruffled gray hair and large, yellowed glasses. Time on the farm hadn't been kind to him, however—as was often the case with his lot—and he shuffled closer to them with the support of a cane. Billy had pretty much taken over in his grandfather's stead, but Bill was still around to put in his two cents. "If it isn't our most famous renter. Come to take up the mantle again?"

"No," Cloud said as Bill met them. "Just here to see my birds."

"Been given em' only the best feed, like you want," Bill affirmed. "But I think they're a bit restless these days."

"It's been a while since I've been out."

"Sam stopped by the other day, wondering if you'd be interested in sellin' the black one."

"Absolutely not," Cloud said darkly.

"That's what I told him. That kind of bird ain't cut out for carriage life—stock's too good."

Coming up on them, Denzel sidled up beside Cloud as he stared at Bill.

"Ah, hello there, kiddo," Bill said. "You're taller than the last time I saw you."

"Hello, Mr. Bill," Denzel said meekly.

"Your dad gonna let you ride any of his birds today?"

Denzel peeked shyly up at Cloud. "Yes?"

"You can ride with one of us," Cloud replied.

"It's a good day for ridin,'" Bill went on, turning toward the barn as he did. He hobbled ahead of them, the other three slowing their pace so as not to overtake him. "Winds are low and the cloud cover is just thick enough to push off the heat. Shouldn't need to worry about overheating. Not that any of your birds would overheat with some light ridin.' Great stock, your birds. Racin' stock."

"Racing?" Denzel asked curiously.

"Cloud used to race at the Gold Saucer," Tifa explained.

"Really?!" Denzel was star struck. "Did you win?!"

"Of course," Cloud replied easily enough. "I hold the record for the most wins on both tracks."

"You do?!" But just as quickly, Denzel's excitement was overtaken by doubt. "If you won, then why don't you have any trophies?"

"They're kept at the Gold Saucer."

"In the Racing Hall of Fame," Tifa added.

Denzel still didn't look wholly convinced, continuing to stare up at Cloud suspiciously as they headed into the barn. There were a few other birds visible in the stable, the two at the front housing the only chocobos Cloud still had. Any of the wild chocobos he'd caught for breeding he'd released back into the wild, keeping only those bred in captivity. The blue he'd sold to Sam for a hefty price and the green to Joe for breeding prospects. Which left him with only his black and his now infamous gold. To his knowledge, there were only two gold chocobos in the world, his—which was a prime example of diligent and careful breeding—and another he'd been given on a trade. It was a trade he regretted. The second bird was gold, indeed, but it was of such poor stock that it'd hardly been useful. It'd slowly begun to become quite sickly, so he'd taken it up north to the chocobo sage, wondering if maybe he could do something for it. He supposed the sage must still have it, if it was alive at all.

His own gold, however, was as tall and well-built as ever as she leaned her head over the stall door at the sight of him. She chirped in greeting, her feathers already beginning to ruffle in excitement at the idea of him taking her out. Very few could ride her, after all. It was the reason Joe said he didn't bother trying for a gold—they were just too fast and too dangerous. Cloud, though—with his SOLDIER reflexes—handled her just fine. Much as he did his bikes.

Still, despite only a few people being capable of riding her, her presence at the farm was kept under wraps. Maybe no one else could get on her back, but her feathers would sell for a pretty gil if anyone caught wind of where she was.

"Hello, Claudia," Denzel said, reaching up to allow the golden bird to nuzzle his hand. As he did, a loud "wark" echoed from the stall across the aisle, a dark head coming over the door and bobbing some in excitement.

"And Zack," Denzel said, skipping over to pat the black chocobo on the beak as well. Zack wasn't nearly as fast as Claudia (though he was still faster than most), and he had a bit of a temper. Claudia was even-tempered and calm, while Zack had a tendency to want to push boundaries. At least until he realized whoever was riding him wasn't going to let him get away with his nonsense.

"Heya, Cloud," Billy said, coming down the aisle to greet them a moment later. "How ya been?"

"Fine," Cloud replied simply. "Same as ever."

"Well, that's probably better than the alternative," Billy reasoned, pushing his shaggy brown hair out of his face as he did. "Can't say things are any different here either. Oh! Except Chole," Billy's sister, "moved out to the Gold Saucer. Apparently they wanted her expertise out there cuz Dyne's building a new track or some such thing."

Cloud's eyebrows rose ever so slightly. "Really?"

"Awful interested," Bill said with a light chuckle. "That's the face of someone about to come out of retirement."

Cloud hummed. "Doubtful."

"So you take care of everything on your own now?" Tifa asked.

"Nah. We got a new guy workin' here. Doesn't know much about chocobos, but that's a rare sort as it is. We can't pay much, but he takes what we give him without complaint."

"Think he really needed the job," Bill took over. "Showed up in a pretty desperate way. He's got, uh, that same look in his eyes as you do, though. That SOLDIER glow."

"He's a SOLDIER?" Cloud asked. Or was, as it were.

"Must be," Billy supplied. "Didn't ask. Whatever he was, it wasn't kind to him."

Cloud frowned. "That's usually the case." His statement earned him a few nods of agreement, before Billy volunteered to go get Cloud's tack from the shed outside. Denzel, meanwhile, was back over at Claudia's pen, while Tifa took it upon herself to give the more desperate Zack the attention he was demanding. Which was likely for the best, as Zack and Tifa generally got on pretty well. She was the one that rode him most of the time these days, whenever they did manage to get out to the farm.

Joining Denzel at Claudia's stall, Cloud sifted his fingers lightly through the feathers along her cheek, which earned him a whirring sort of purr in response. He could tell she missed him, much as he did her, but he just didn't have the time to get out to see her as often as he would have liked.

"Hey, Cloud?" Denzel asked, looking up at him as he did. "Can you teach me how to race chocobos?"

"It's very dangerous," Cloud said strictly. "And expensive. You'd need to be much older before even thinking about it."

"Oh…"

"Not that you can't still ride with one of us," Tifa offered from across the aisle, smiling as she looked back at them.

It was a reassurance that settled Denzel some. But it didn't last, as they were startled when the loud crashing of a bucket hitting the ground had all of them whipping their heads up to look down the aisle. A bucket previously full of water had clearly been dropped, splashing all over the stone floor. While a single man had stumbled some to the side, apparently needing the side of the stall for support.

He was a large man, with shaggy brown hair pulled back in a low ponytail. It was obvious by the cock of his left leg that it wasn't working properly, resulting in a very obvious limp as he pushed himself off the stall in order to retrieve the bucket he'd dropped. His right arm was gone entirely, his stained button-up tied at the shoulders. His baggy pants were worn with age, while his boots looked like they might give out at any moment. A good layer of facial hair littered his chin and jaws, but it wasn't enough to hide his identity. Not from Cloud, anyway.

"Angeal Hewley?" he said aloud, as much to his own surprise as it was everyone else's.

Forgoing his bucket, Angeal looked Cloud up and down before recognition dawned across his tired expression. "Strife," he said simply, apparently just as shocked to see him there as Cloud was.

Moving quickly forward, Cloud grabbed the bucket up off the ground, setting it upright beside the stall before holding out his left hand to shake Angeal's. For a second, neither of them said anything, apparently too surprised. But ever more personable despite his rigid stature, Angeal was the first one to find words.

"Your eyes—you're a SOLDIER," he started. "But I thought you died in Nibelheim."

"I… No, I didn't."

"The reports said there were no survivors," Angeal persisted.

Though he was uncomfortable with the subject, Cloud supposed he couldn't refuse to discuss the matter. "There were three survivors, at least," Cloud corrected. "Me, Tifa," he gestured back to her just as she and Denzel were approaching them, "and Tifa's teacher, Zangan."

"Really…" Angeal was clearly mulling it over.

"You know about Nibelheim?" Tifa asked, sounding somewhat suspicious as she did. Which was reasonable, as the destruction of Nibelheim had been kept pretty well under wraps by Shinra.

"One of the few who did," Angeal replied.

"This is General Angeal Hewley," Cloud explained.

Tifa blinked, before recognition eventually filtered into her expression. "You were well-known in the war with Wutai."

"Hmm, yes, once," he replied. "But not as well-known as… some people." His expression turned dark, before he shook his head and set his focus back on Cloud. "How did you—both of you—escape Nibelheim? I was told that… that the entire town was confiscated."

Confiscated—a very Shinra way to put it.

"Tifa got out with the help of her teacher, under Shinra's radar," Cloud replied. "And I… I escaped. Later."

"You were being held there?" Angeal asked, suddenly full of fire. "Four years after the city was confiscated, Zack showed back up as well. Him and another… Oh…" He blinked, suddenly realizing what he was saying. "Both of them were pursued by Shinra."

"And the turks," Cloud supplied, his tone somewhat subdued.

"Yes…" Angeal pursed his lips, visibly bracing himself for the question Cloud knew was coming as well. Which spurred Cloud into answering before anything was even asked.

Reaching out, he gripped at his covered forearm. "Zack didn't make it."

Beside him, Tifa faltered, as if she might reach out to him, while Angeal cringed and looked away.

"And here I was holding out hope all these years," he muttered. He then took a heavy breath, before looking back up at Cloud. "I'm sorry," he said then, his tone much softer than it had been previously.

Cloud just shook his head, waving off the subject as best he could.

"But Zack's right over there," Denzel said meekly, gesturing to the black chocobo.

"Not that Zack, honey," Tifa said quickly, but it was too late to stop any of the insensitivity. Not that Cloud blamed him.

"This is Denzel," he said then. "My son."

Angeal nodded. "A pleasure to meet you," he said simply, before nodding to the two chocobos at the end of the aisle. "Those are yours, then?"

Cloud glanced only quickly back at the birds as well. "Uh, yeah. I was… a bit of a racer for a year or so."

"Must be, with chocobos like that," Angeal replied. "I grew up in the country around plenty of chocobos and I never saw any quite like those two. It's nice to finally meet the owners. Billy wouldn't tell me whose they were."

"It's all very secret," Cloud said.

"I'd imagine."

Their conversation lulled then, both of them having plenty to ask, but not quite knowing where to start or how proper it would be to do so. Yet Angeal, ever persistent, was once again the first to broach the waters.

"If you escaped from Shinra in Nibelheim, then how do you have SOLDIER eyes?" he asked straight. "There's no way Shinra would have let you back on payroll."

No, they'd definitely have killed him if he'd even asked.

Not wanting to get into the details in front of his family (or at all, really), Cloud eyed Tifa knowingly, which earned him a light nod. She took Denzel's hand and ushered him away a second later, talking about going out to see the other chocobos again while Cloud and his old friend talked.

"Friend" was hardly an applicable term, but neither of them disputed it.

"Strife?" Angeal asked, when Cloud didn't immediately go to answer his question.

"Both Zack and I were taken in by Hojo," he eventually started. "As test subjects."

Angeal pursed his lips again, fully aware of what that meant.

"We were held in Nibelheim for four years before Zack managed to break us out, but these," he pointed to his eyes, "are the results of that time."

"He made you into a SOLDIER?"

Cloud shook his head. "Nothing so well-intended. But the end results are basically identical." He cringed. "If it's all the same, I'd rather not get into any more of it."

Angeal nodded. "I understand. I assume then that… that Zack…"

"Shinra caught up with us just outside Midgar. He tried to fight them off, but… And I assume they left me because they figured I was close to dead anyway, due to the effects of mako addiction."

"I'm surprised you recovered at all," Angeal said. "You weren't accepted into SOLDIER for a reason."

Somewhat annoyed despite himself, Cloud huffed. "Well, I survived it twice, as a matter of fact, and took down Sephiroth three times as well, for your information."

"Sephiroth? You're the one who dealt with him?"

"I'm the one who killed him in Nibelheim. And later at the North Crater. And then again in Midgar."

"I saw that on the news. About him being there, though they didn't say anything about you. The footage wasn't great, have you."

Cloud hummed. "Asshole won't stay dead."

Angeal almost laughed, though he appeared a bit more bitter than humored. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. You, on the other hand, well, I never would have guessed it."

"Thanks…" Once again deciding that he'd rather not stay too focused on the past, Cloud made it his turn to ask the questions. "What happened to you?"

Angeal scoffed a short laugh, probably due to Cloud's direct, all-encompassing tone.

"As a high ranking member of Shinra's military, I was one of the few that learned the truth about what happened in Nibelheim. Well, as much of the truth as anyone knew, in any case. I was told that everyone died and the details of the intended cover up. To say I was losing faith in Shinra would be a bit of an understatement, and when I learned of Zack's escape and the plans to pursue him, I… abandoned Shinra entirely."

It wasn't really so surprising, given how close Cloud knew Zack and Angeal had been, and how straight and narrow Angeal's sense of morality could be.

"I wanted to track him down myself, before either Shinra or the Turks found him. But…" His gaze side-tracked to the side. "I was caught just outside Gongaga. Shinra troops that had been sent out for Zack, I suppose. They weren't supposed to be looking for me, but the higher ups must have ordered that they take me out as well, after reporting that they'd spotted me. I was a traitor, after all.

"There were too many, even for me, and the damage that was done…" Leaning some to the side, it was like he was visibly uncomfortable on his own two feet. "I probably would have died, but the Turks found me and brought me to the physician in Gongaga. My arm… they had to remove it. There was more done than that and it took me well into a year before I could even walk again."

There was something a bit sad in his expression. Forlorn, maybe.

"Turns out it was all for nothing. By the time I could travel, Shinra was gone. Midgar too, for that matter. But… Midgar is my home so I've been… slowly making my way in that direction."

"If that's true, then you were in Gongaga when we were," Cloud determined. Not that he'd have recognized him at the time, with the condition his mind had been in.

"It was a dark time for me," Angeal admitted. "I wasn't exactly going out of my way to socialize."

Cloud hummed thoughtfully. "So why work here, then? You're almost to Edge."

Perhaps having been on his feet too long, Angeal side-stepped a bit, until he could lean against the stall again. "I was in Edge for a bit, but people aren't exactly jumping at the idea of hiring a disabled ex-SOLDIER. If they don't turn me away because of my injuries, then they do once they notice my eyes."

Cloud nodded in understanding. SOLDIERS weren't revered as they once had been. Under Shinra, they'd been classified as elite weapons, controlled despite the fact that the mako tended to unhinge a great many of them. Without Shinra to keep them in line, SOLDIERS could be unpredictable, aside from the fact that the mark of Shinra in their eyes tended to turn people off in the first place. Strife Delivery Service was one of the few companies—maybe even the only one—that went out of its way to hire ex-SOLDIERS. Granted, Cloud vetted them thoroughly, but even he knew there were a few on his payroll that were a bit… out there.

Still, having a job gave them something to do, which was better than the alternative.

"How'd you end up here, then?" Cloud asked.

"Billy was advertising in the city. It doesn't pay much and living in the loft isn't exactly paradise, but it's better than living on the streets." Angeal shrugged one shoulder, looking no less gallant than he ever had, despite his bleak circumstances.

"I can't imagine this is an easy job for you," Cloud observed, supposing Angeal wasn't the type to care that he wasn't beating around the bush about his injuries.

"It's not, but Billy gave me a chance when no one else would, so I do my best. He wasn't fazed by the eyes. Something about how one of their best clients was an ex-SOLDIER. I suppose he was talking about you."

"Everyone assumes I was a SOLDIER—it'd be tiresome to correct them."

"I suppose it would be."

They fell quiet then, Cloud watching as Angeal stared out across the barn, something distant in the premature aging of his face.

"How long do you really think you can keep this up?" Cloud asked.

Angeal flicked his attention back his way. "Excuse me?"

"Working here is hard—it's only going to become more challenging for you."

Despite the truth of his words, something guarded overtook Angeal's countenance, reminding Cloud strikingly of the times he'd spoken with the man back when he'd been in infantry.

"I don't exactly have a choice, Strife."

"I can give you a job, one that's better suited," Cloud said then, his claim visibly surprising the other man. "From what Zack told me, you were always pretty fond of paperwork."

"My fondness for it was debatable."

"That's still a skillset that not everyone has. My Vice CEO, he's been bugging me about needing an assistant. I'll give you the job right now, if you want it."

Blinking owlishly, Angeal stared at him for some long seconds, perhaps blindsided by the offer. "What company do you run?" he eventually asked.

"Strife Delivery Service. We deliver mail all over the world. And my second is Reeve Tuesti, so he's not going to hold it against you that you were in SOLDIER."

"Reeve Tuesti, as in previous head of Urban Development for Shinra?"

Cloud nodded. "We go back some. It's a long story. In any case, he's been wanting an assistant and I think you two would work well together, if you're willing to move back to Edge." He was trying not to make the offer sound wholly like a helping-hand, despite the fact that they both knew it was. But Angeal had pride despite his situation, that much was clear, and Cloud didn't want to come across as overbearing. Not that he was lying about the job offer. Reeve had been bugging him about it for months, but he'd never okayed the idea.

"It's two birds with one stone, from my side," Cloud continued, knowing that to expand his meaning would do little more than offend the ex-general. Angeal wasn't stupid—he knew what he meant.

Lips pursing, Angeal swallowed hard, something like desperation only vaguely flitting through his gaze.

"It won't be exciting work, and I can't claim that it pays overly well, but it'll utilize the skillset you have that this job doesn't."

"That's a very generous offer," Angeal replied, voice suddenly subdued.

Cloud took a huffing breath. "It's really not. Not after what you did for me all those years ago. But it's the best I can do."

"I only did what deserved to be done," Angeal reasoned.

"Well, that's more than most people are capable of, or so I've learned over the years."

Angeal released a quiet scoff. "Zack really was right about you."

It was a comment that left Cloud's breath just barely hitching in his throat, before he pushed back on the heavy emotion and instead reached into his pocket for his phone.

"I'll call Reeve and let him know," he said simply.

_9 Years Ago_

Cloud wasn't sure why his PHS alarm wasn't going off or why he couldn't hear the shuffling of others getting ready for their shift, but for a moment, he decided to ignore it.

Oh right, it was Tuesday—he didn't need to be up early.

Well, in that case, he'd just stay where he was. His bed felt a lot more comfortable than usual, which was reason enough not to move around too much. There was a very nice smell in the barracks besides. He wasn't sure what it was, but it smelled clean and vaguely minty, which was a far cry from the regular body odor stench.

In fact, it reminded him a great deal of Zack Fair. Because of course he knew how Zack Fair smelled—he always ended up paired with him in hand-to-hand. He was pretty sure Zack got some kind of kick out of dragging him to the front of the class to do demonstrations, but at this point, Cloud was more appreciative than annoyed (even if he always pretended otherwise). Zack choosing him for demonstrations meant he didn't have to worry about finding a partner. And the close quarters had given him a pretty good idea as far as Zack's inherent scent, which was much better than quite a few others he'd ended up sparring with/working with over the course of his time in the army.

It was nice that Zack was clean, even if his apartment was a mess.

Ugh, why did Zack keep creeping into his dreams anyway? This was, like, the fifth night in a row he'd woken up to thoughts of Zack and his stupid, pretty face. Granted, he couldn't figure the guy out, but that didn't change the reality of him being Cloud's soulmate (maybe? Probably? Best not to think too hard about that). If there was anyone he was allowed to dream about, it was his own soulmate. Which meant he didn't have to feel guilty like he sometimes had when he'd dreamt of Tifa Lockheart.

He was allowed to admire Zack's charmingly smooth smile and his playful blue eyes, tinted somewhat green with mako. It was okay that he liked how tall Zack was (though, admittedly, this would be better if he was _also_ tall, but that was probably a pipe dream) and how broad his shoulders were, which made his muscular arms all the more flattering. It was fine that he enjoyed how he tended to prattle on whether someone else was talking or not, and that the sound of his voice was oddly calming to Cloud's naturally anxious nerves. All of it was normal and acceptable and okay, because even if Zack didn't know it, _he_ was Cloud's.

Yeah, he could be annoying and give Cloud lots of extra work and be relatively confusing, but even so, good and bad and irritating, it all belonged to Cloud. And it was nice, even if he kept it privately to himself and only admitted it when he was barely conscious.

It was nice to be someone's "the one," even if that other person didn't know. Even if… Cloud didn't have the courage to ever tell him.

Which was a thought that always downed his mood, and that inevitably pulled him more and more from his semi-sleeping thoughts and back to reality.

Eyes barely cracking open, he took a deep breath in attempts to prepare himself to be returned from whatever fantasy his brain had concocted to the reality of the Shinra barracks, the busy bodies of strangers, and the general loneliness he'd grown accustomed to since he was a child.

This made the fact that he didn't immediately hear voices, or smell B.O., or become abruptly aware of the hardness of his bed, all the more jarring.

Lashes flying open, he sat up, the blanket that had been draped up to his shoulders falling away. It took all of half a second to realize where he was—that being Zack Fair's apartment—which in turn explained the smell and the quiet.

"Wha…? How?" He stifled his voice a second later, looking around more frantically. But Zack was nowhere to be found, nor did he appear to be in the bathroom, as the door was open and the light was off.

Which meant he was… alone. In Zack Fair's apartment.

In his _soulmate's_ apartment.

So shocking was this realization that he could do little more than sit and stare, perhaps waiting for the bubble to pop and reveal it all to be a dream. Yet, no matter how long he waited and how many of his own heartbeats echoed in his ears, nothing changed. He really was in Zack Fair's apartment, sitting on his bed. Had he actually been sleeping there?

How had he even ended up there in the first place?

Upon asking himself this question, a vague memory from the night before filtered through his thoughts. Florescent lights, Zack's smile staring down at him, the assumption that he was dreaming about being in Zack's arms.

It hadn't been a dream at all! He must have… He must have fallen asleep in the training room after realizing he'd missed curfew. So had Zack found him? And carried him all the way up to his apartment? The mere notion was ridiculous, but given where he was currently sitting, there was little else to believe.

Why would Zack bring him all the way up here? Why hadn't he just woken him up back in the training room? Granted, being awake wouldn't have helped Cloud's situation any, but it certainly would have prevented him ending up in _Zack Fair's apartment_!

Maybe none of that mattered at this point. He had plenty of questions, of course. Namely, _why_ , but perhaps he should put his focus elsewhere, at least for the time being.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he noted that his shoes were missing. Looking around on the floor, he found them at the foot of the bed. They were carefully set up together, something sticking up out of the right one.

Standing, Cloud took the single step closer before bending down and pulling up the lanyard that was hanging out of his shoe.

"A keycard," he said dumbly. Across the bottom was Zack's full name and rank, as well as a barcode. The rest of it was just a stark Shinra logo, but that didn't undo the significance of what it was. If this keycard really did belong to Zack—and he'd left it for Cloud to, what, use?—then that meant he had access to everything Zack did. Elevators, offices, databases. Literally everything that Cloud had no business having access to. In fact, he was pretty sure Zack would get into trouble if any higher ups realized he'd just dropped it in some guardsman's shoe.

Then again, it wasn't as if Zack wouldn't figure it out if he abused the card. He could probably track its usage, which meant that if Cloud was smart—which he liked to think he was—he'd only use the card to access the elevator before returning it.

Well, if he was smart, he'd just take the stairs.

No, if he was _smart_ , he'd never have ended up in this situation in the first place.

Sighing, Cloud dropped the keycard back into his shoe before standing once again. Though he felt uncomfortable about it, he couldn't really ignore the way nature was calling. Creeping across the small apartment, he first peeked into the bathroom before quickly locating the light switch.

Closing the door as he entered, he took a quick look around, finding that it was in generally the same state as the rest of the apartment. What was probably a dirty SOLDIER uniform was on the floor beside the shower, while bottles and containers (skin care products?) sat open on the sink edges and in the nearby cabinet.

It could be worse, though. It wasn't dirty so much as just messy, a vast difference existing between the two. Zack was a bit of a tornado personality, so Cloud couldn't say he was really surprised. Still, he had to strain not to close all the open containers around the sink once he was done with his business. And by the time he'd washed his hands, he'd given up fighting. Quickly, he snapped or twisted all the tops to the containers into their proper places, even having to fish around for a few on the floor.

Not wanting to mess up Zack's regime, he left everything mostly where it'd been sitting previously. He didn't mind that so much, the bottles and such being all over the place—he understood mess for the sake of convenience.

But leaving all the tops open was just silly—an accident waiting to happen.

Turning back to the door, he was almost out before the sight of the SOLDIER uniform had him faltering. He stared at it for a second, before yet again giving in. Gathering it up into his arms, he headed back out into the rest of the apartment before dumping it into a rather unceremonious pile on the floor. He then grabbed up the other pile of dirty clothes nearby and dumped them on top, before looking around and finding one more.

Again, he wasn't wholly against leaving clothes on the floor, but at least put them all in one spot. And not on the bathroom floor where they were liable to get wet or even dirtier than they already were.

Was that the same container of food sitting on the couch as the last time Cloud had been there? Curling his nose, he turned to the couch and carefully—hesitantly—lifted the lid of the take-out container.

"Oh, it's just cookies," he said, relieved. "That's okay."

It was a lot of cookies, mind, but still not something liable to go bad and smell anytime soon.

Making sure the lid was closed again, he soon found himself sidetracked to Zack's desk. It was a mess, papers and files everywhere, but Cloud wasn't exactly much better as far as organization of that sort, so he wasn't judging. He was just glad there were no food remnants or trash about, which again was a sign of cleanliness despite the mess.

The computer was on, something familiar flashing on the monitor.

"Is that… Chocobo Trials III?" Cloud murmured, moving just a bit closer to the screen to verify that he did, in fact, recognize the graphics. "That's an old game…" he muttered, noticing that Zack had the small center menu pulled up, which was basically the equivalent of a "pause."

"Level 15, huh?" Cloud said, able to see the level number up in the corner. "Attempted 27 times?! Jeez, he must not know about the secret path just past the brick wall. It's super obvious, but he does kind of seem like the type to just bust through things."

Humming thoughtfully, he eventually gave in here as well, reaching for the keyboard. He didn't bother sitting, knowing it wouldn't take him long to get through the level, and instead escaped from the menu before beginning to play.

"At least he has good gear," he murmured, moving the black chocobo (appropriately named "Zack") through the trials. It took him maybe ten minutes to get through it, which wasn't too bad considering it'd been a good four or five years since he'd last played. Waiting through the congratulatory banner that moved him onto level 16, he then brought the menu back up and left it, supposing Zack could figure it out from there.

Deciding he'd probably hung around longer than was at all appropriate, he made a last effort at making the bed, before dropping the lanyard with the keycard around his neck and quickly slipping on his shoes.

Going to the door, he turned to give the room one final look, before gathering his courage and slipping out into the hall. He used the keycard to lock the door behind him, thankful the hallway was quiet as he quickly walked down and around the corner, before speed walking to the elevator.

He did _not_ want to get caught there—that'd be bad for both him and Zack. Hitting the down button, the time it took for the elevator to arrive felt a lot longer than it was, Cloud practically jumping inside the second the doors opened. Thankfully, he was alone. Now, he just needed to get below level 60 and he'd be fine—he'd be back to where he was allowed to be.

Scanning Zack's keycard, he hit the button for level five before slipping the card behind his shirt, so no would be able to see it. He then spent plenty of heavy seconds watching the floors drop, hyper-paranoid that it'd stop at any time only for someone like Sephiroth or Angeal Hewley to step in. Angeal seeing him there would definitely be bad, especially after he'd only gotten into trouble the day before, and while he didn't know what Sephiroth would do, it likely wouldn't be good.

Thankfully, he reached level 60 without a single interruption, which left him releasing a relieved breath. Home free. Or barracks free, in any case.

The lower levels of Shinra HQ were busier than the upper levels, so he was interrupted a few times during the rest of his trip down, but it wasn't anything of any significance. Soon, he was back in his barracks, changing into a new set of clothes before deciding what to do with the remainder of his day off. Until classes started, anyway.

He'd clearly spent too long in the training room the night before, so he instead grabbed the books Zack had given him before heading to the library. Having taken his headphones as well, he settled down with some music in a corner to start studying. It wasn't the most exciting way he could be spending his time off, but no matter the obstacles in his way—Zack's strange behavior or getting into trouble, as prime examples—he had to keep pushing forward.

Yet, even so, the backs of his thought were littered with distractions relating to Zack Fair, as well as insecurities. Aside from Zack's habit of being both oddly friendly and seemingly antagonistic, he was now bogged down by the more pressing concern of how he was supposed to react in the face of what had happened the night before. He could just give Zack his keycard back and say nothing of it, he supposed, but that wasn't to say Zack wouldn't press the matter. In fact, he had no idea what to expect from Zack, as the man was both appealing to Cloud as well as confusing. Which left those thoughts not focused on his studying to run pointless circles.

He was interrupted some two hours into his work when his music cut out, his PHS instead dinging with a new text alert. This was strange because, well, Cloud had never received a text before. Back in Nibelheim, he hadn't had a phone of any kind, and though Shinra issued a PHS to every new recruit, he hadn't given his number out to anyone.

Curious, he put down his pencil and picked up his PHS. Clicking on the alert that was blinking across the screen, he was taken to what must be the text messaging app.

111-70-532: omg im so BORD! this meeting is a real dragggggggggg

Cloud read the message multiple times over—typos and all—but ultimately wasn't able to come up with a response. The rational part of him assumed someone had texted him by accident, thinking he was someone else. But the startled, curious part of him hoped that maybe this person knew him despite the fact that he'd never given out his number and that they had, in fact, intended to message him. This left him in a predicament.

So, deciding he didn't want to appear too eager or too blasé, he settled on a response that was vague enough to encourage further conversation.

Cloud: ?

Somewhat suspicious, he waited in bated breath for a response. Thankfully, he was not disappointed.

111-70-532: i swear i almost fell asleep like 20 times

111-70-532: its been 3 HOURS! theirs no reason for any meeting to be THIS LONG!

111-70-532: THIS IS HWO I DIE!

Unfortunately, none of the incoming texts were any more enlightening. Which left Cloud once again unsure what he was meant to say. Not that he needed to worry too much—another message was soon incoming.

111-70-532: youd think soilder first would be exciting all the tine bUTITSNOT!

111-70-532: your lucky you have a day off and get to sleeeeeeeeeeep

"Are you shitting me?" Cloud actually said out loud—a little louder than he probably should have, given he was in a library. The initial texts had been elusive, but the final two pretty much spelled out who he was talking to, no matter the spelling errors in the way.

Cloud: !

Cloud: 

Why the hell was Zack texting him? Granted, this explained why someone had his number. As an instructor, Zack had all his personal information. But that didn't mean he could abuse it to spam him with nearly incoherent messages.

Cloud was busy after all! Or… something!

111-70-532: OH! you fugured it out so fast. i knew you were a smart cookie

Despite his better judgement, Cloud did decide to save Zack's number. It was simply easier that way, just in case he had a sudden influx of texts from numbers he didn't know.

Yeah…

Cloud: 

Zack: cmon dont be like that. im just bord and need someone to talk tooooooooo

Zack: plus now we can talk this way instead of real life, since i guess your pretty quite most of the time

So Zack thought he was quiet, did he? Well, he wasn't totally wrong, but this also didn't mean Cloud was going to make it easy on him either.

In fact…

Despite himself, Cloud was grinning, deciding that maybe this whole thing could work to his advantage. Or at least be entertaining.

Cloud: … 

Zack: thats not even funny man

Cloud: 

Zack: DONT BE A LITTLE SHIT!

Zack: I NKOW YOU CAN TALK! ANGEAL TOLD ME!

Cloud: 

Zack: I SWEAR ILL KICK YOUR ASS!

Cloud: 

Zack: WHy are you soooooo MEAN TO ME?!

Mean to _him_?! As if!

Zack: after ive been so nice to you since we met…

Cloud: !

Cloud: 

Zack: oh yeah Angeal todl me what you said. im not mad at you or somthing

Zack: im just being hard on you to help you get ready for the exma

Zack: exam*

Zack: i told him i thought you could make it, so thats why ive been

Zack: like

Zack: making you do extra stuff

Zack: sorry for the confusion

It was an explanation that took a moment to sink in, Cloud's lips parting in a small gape as he stared down at his PHS. In fact, he spent so long staring down at his phone, trying to digest, that Zack once again started sending him messages.

Zack: thats why i took your elevator pass

Zack: easy excerise

Zack: and why i keep you after class

Zack: i want to make sure you have the form right so your not practicing the wrong shit

Zack: i mean stuff

Blinking stupidly, Cloud could think of nothing to say. The entire conversation was so shocking that all he could do was stare down at his PHS and re-read the messages, somewhat afraid that if he looked away they'd disappear.

Zack thought he had what it took to be in SOLDIER? Even though he was small and weak and got beat up on a regular basis?

He really…

Zack: Cloud?

Right, he needed to say something. But what?!

Cloud: 

Cloud: 

Cloud: 

Zack: LOL

Zack: hey man its okay

Zack: totes my fault

Zack: Angeal told me i shoulda been clear

Zack: guess i didnt remember that i didnt explain

Zack: im new to this whole teacher thing

Zack: very sorry

Despite himself, Cloud's gape had transformed into a small smile, his cheeks warm. Both because of Zack's attention and because of what he apparently thought Cloud was capable of. Thought so highly of him that he'd even talked to Angeal Hewley about him.

Which dredged up everything that had happened the day before, making it all the worse that Angeal had been the one to dole out punishments. He'd have to work even harder now to repair his reputation. Hopefully it wasn't too late. It couldn't be, right? If it was, then Zack wouldn't still be talking to him.

Probably.

Cloud:

Cloud: 

Zack: yea well you should probably stop getting in fights

Zack: Angeal will foregive it one time but if you get caught again your in trouble

Zack: soldiers hve to be able to control there emotions

Zack: even when other people are assholes

Zack: also dont break curfew again

Zack: your lucky i found you

Zack: i dleted your screw up from the system

Zack: but dont do it again

Cloud: 

Zack: also

Zack: you can start using words

Zack: anytime

Cloud:

Zack: i swear to fuck

Cloud: 

Zack: your full of shit

Zack: im gonna make you do pushups before class starts

Cloud: 

Zack: you haev a bad attitude

Zack: have to fix that

Cloud: 

Zack: JUST SAY SOMETHING!

Zack: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!

Cloud: 

Zack: oh shit

Zack: g2g

Zack: Angeal is glaring at me

Zack: BYE

Cloud: 

Cloud: 

Though Zack had stopped sending him messages, Cloud continued to stare down at his phone for some time—both in shock and disbelief. Scrolling up to the top of the texts, he re-read them at least half a dozen times, still trying to come to grips with what Zack had said.

It was both good and bad news. Good, because Zack wasn't targeting him, at least not in the way he'd assumed, and even thought he had what it took to make SOLDIER. It was bad because this was going to make it even harder for Cloud to keep his mouth shut around him. Did texting count as far as soulmates went? He couldn't be sure, which meant he'd have to refrain from even sending him any messages.

It was a thought that had his nerves twisting even tighter, his stomach knotting and pushing a wave of nausea up through his whole body. Somehow, it felt as though his attempts to keep Zack at a distance had done the exact opposite. Now… Now he actually liked Zack, and Zack apparently thought he had potential.

Which… Which meant that Zack couldn't think too badly of him, right?

No, he couldn't go down that line of thinking. Just because Zack was doing his job in looking for SOLDIER recruits didn't mean he thought Cloud was anything special. He probably had multiple students he was keeping an eye on—Cloud was just more problematic.

There was still so much work he had to do before he could even consider telling Zack the truth. Just the idea of the older boy finding out then was nearly bad enough to make Cloud sick.

He could see it, the way Zack would be first surprised, before his gaze would go pinched with doubt. Or, worse, turn to exasperated disappointment.

No, no, no. Cloud just had to keep doing as he'd previously decided, no matter how hard Zack made it for him. If he could just… get through the SOLDIER exam (and pass) and then…

Then what? How long could he really keep this up?

Maybe he should just tell him. He already knew how Zack was going to react, so maybe it was better to just rip the bandage off.

But what if…

What if it was worse than he was imagining? After all, just because people were soulmates didn't mean they had to be together. Plenty of people left their soulmates, or decided for whatever reason that they didn't want to be together.

Cloud wanted… He wanted to be with Zack, he was realizing. No, they hadn't known one another very long, but Zack was just so funny and charismatic and, just, bright. Everything Cloud wasn't.

He needed time. Time to get on Zack's level. If he could do that, then maybe…

Just maybe.

He'd be good enough…

Sobering to the reality of his situation, Cloud finally put his PHS aside and returned to his studying. It was dry and boring, but he was all the more determined to keep going after talking to Zack. It was this drive that pushed him through the next few hours, until his eyes were just too strained to keep going.

Marking the passages where he'd have to pick up studying later, he packed his stuff away into his standard issue Shinra backpack and headed on out of the library. Not in too much of a hurry, he pulled out his PHS and once again re-read the messages from Zack, quite unaware of the dopey smile that had crept onto his face.

Stopping by the vending machine, he grabbed a few snacks, continually focused on his PHS as he then detoured to the stairs. While he was still annoyed at Zack having taken his elevator pass, finally understanding why subdued most of his bitterness.

It did not, however, brace him for those awaiting him in the darkened, metal-lined stairwell.

"Oh great," Cloud muttered, watching as one of his usual bullies approached from the level below. Tall with long, stringy hair. Victor, his name was. While he wasn't the one usually pounding Cloud into the wall, he did have a sharp tongue and a habit of trying to hold Cloud back when he was defending himself.

There was also something generally… creepy about him. It was in the large-ness of his sunken eyes and the thinness of his grin.

Another one of them came down from the level above. Allen, Cloud noted. He was the least aggressive of the three, as he generally just stood back and watched, throwing in an occasional laugh. Truth be told, he didn't really seem like the bullying type—he was small himself and hardly ever said a word. It was more as though he simply followed along with the other two.

"You're so predictable," a voice said from behind him. Whipping around, Cloud watched as Rich—the largest of the three and the one that enjoyed pounding his face in the most—came through the same door he had.

Based on how they'd strategically surrounded him, they must have planned this. Likely, they'd seen him come out of the library and set their plan in motion.

This was bad. Barely anyone ever used the stairs. He was sufficiently cornered and it was unlikely that anyone would pass by to stop any physical escalations.

Zack had literally just told him not to get into any more fights. Yet, now he was stuck. Then again, maybe he should do better in not allowing them to get a rise out of him. He could willingly admit that he was the one that normally threw the first punch—after all, if they wanted a fight, then there was no point in postponing it. But perhaps he'd have to hold back and just… hope he could get away.

"I could say the same about you three," Cloud rebuked, crossing his arms over his chest in a rather lazy manner. "Do you seriously have nothing better to do than follow me around? I'm starting to think you have an unhealthy obsession."

Rich smirked. "I just happen to think it's good form to finish what you start. We've been interrupted quite a few times."

"Besides," Victor started from the step below the platform where Cloud stood, "it's not wholly unfounded to think some of us have a slight obsession." There was something… gross dripping from his voice, which had Cloud glaring down at him. "Not me, of course," he clarified, his gaze detouring up to Allen instead.

"Vic!" Allen hissed, his cheeks pinking some as Cloud turned a skeptical eye on him.

"What?" Victor shrugged. "It's not like I have a problem with it. Like I said, you're free to pursue anyone you like."

Cloud huffed. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We're soulmates," Victor explained, gesturing to Allen, who was looking both angry and embarrassed. "But I'm not exactly the type to care if he strays."

"Strays?" Cloud almost laughed. Almost. Instead, he turned his attention back to Allen. "You poor bastard." After all, nearly everyone had a soulmate. That included assholes and sleaze bags, which meant that not everyone could get the pick of the litter.

Allen was visibly defensive at Cloud's comment, but didn't rebuke it either. He simply looked to the side and glared.

"Hardly," Victor said, laughing some as he did. "Not everyone has a soulmate as understanding as I am. In fact, I encouraged his crush on you. That is, until you turned out to be a total asshole. I can't help it if I'm just that determined to avenge my soulmate's hurt feelings."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Cloud said coldly.

"Doesn't even remember," Rich said, sighing dramatically as he did. "Guess he really wasn't 'interested.' Sorry, Al."

Cloud still had no idea what they were talking about. But from the sounds of it, Allen must have approached him at some point only for Cloud to have brushed him off, which he was, in fact, notorious for doing.

"Is that really why you've all decided to keep bothering me?" he asked flatly.

"Well, that, and it's just so much fun," Victor replied.

Cloud clicked his tongue, turning to Victor now, but only because he needed to get down the stairs. "Move," he said simply. "I don't have time to waste with you guys."

Victor, of course, remained exactly where he was, while Rich reached out and shoved him hard by the back of the shoulder. Growling, Cloud whipped around on him, hands balling into angry fists.

"Back off," he said dangerously.

"Or what? No SOLDIERS are going to show up to save you this time," Rich said. "Like I said, I intend to finish what I started."

"Don't you think we're all in enough trouble as it is?" Cloud pointed out.

"Don't you think you're awfully mouthy for someone in a three on one fight?"

Taking a deep breath, Cloud steadied his anger. "I don't want to fight with you guys."

"While that's very interesting, I'm not really seeing any other more appealing options," Rich said, shrugging some as he did.

"Well, I can think of a few," Victor added, ever sounding like a sleaze bag.

His comment earned him an eye roll from Cloud, while Rich released another laugh.

"You're right, Vic. You're right." Rich nodded. "How about this—we'll leave you alone, but only if you suck my dick. How about that?"

Cloud glared.

"Actually, scratch that. You have to suck all our dicks. And maybe do some ass-kissing too. Sound fair?"

"You think you're hilarious, don't you?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah, I do," Rich replied simply, ever a cocky bastard.

Cloud, however, already knew where this was headed. Despite Zack's advice, he was going to have to take some sort of action. And seeing as there was three of them, his best bet would be to surprise Rich and hope he could slip past him and back through the door. At least then he'd be in a public place, which would deter them from further action.

Knowing that any sort of surprise would soon be out of reach, Cloud surged forward. He landed a hard punch across Rich's jaw, causing the larger man to stumble back. But before he could even try and push past him, Victor was yanking him back by his backpack.

Tumbling backward, he was slammed into the railing, leaving him with few defenses as they closed in around him. He held his arms up in attempts to cover his face, but those efforts fell away with a hard punch to his gut, which had him bending over in pain.

He had a hard time keeping track of everything that happened after that.

They didn't hold back, Cloud dizzy with pain as his body gradually crumpled toward the ground. They hit him everywhere, having no regard for anything. It was one punch after another, his vision going blurry as his face was knocked around. At one point, his head was thrown back so drastically that it banged into the metal railing, which resulted in the world flashing out from under him.

When everything spun back around, he was blinking blearily up at the figures still looming over him, pain zinging up and down his entire body.

"Guys, stop," someone whispered. Allen, probably. "I heard someone come through a door above us."

The other two didn't initially listen, Cloud's head once again smacking into the railing as another hit was landed across his cheek, while another was lambasted into his chest.

"Seriously you guys, they'll hear!" Allen persisted.

It was at this point that the hits finally slowed, Cloud once again beginning to fade out as the three of them muttered between each other. He was vaguely aware of one final punch—or maybe it'd been a kick—being delivered to his gut, which had him falling over fully onto the ground.

Perhaps they left after that. It was hard to really know, as the throbbing pain in his ears was all he could really register for many minutes. When he finally did manage to look around through the shadowed bleariness of the stairwell, he was hardly aware of how long he'd been lying there, nor how much damage had actually been done.

It took him another few minutes of simply sitting, catching his breath, before he could make any attempt to move. Doing so—when he eventually tried—proved difficult. His vision continued to waver, which hindered his ability to find anything around him. He did reach out and locate the railing at one point, and though it took him about four attempts, he was able to pull himself shakily to his feet. It was only his grip on the railing that kept him standing, however, his abdomen threatening to buckle again at any moment.

Fuck, this was bad. He could feel blood dripping all down his face, let alone the sight it must make. Bruises and cuts too, no doubt. He could feel that his sweatshirt was wet around the collar, probably stained red as well.

He definitely couldn't walk around like this, if he could even manage the feat of walking at all. But he also couldn't simply stay in the stairwell forever. Someone, at some point, would find him there, which was the last thing he needed.

Given how dizzy he was, and the amount of pain stinging and throbbing up and down his body, he should go to the medical ward. The longer he waited, the harder it was going to be to heal his wounds. But if he went to the medical ward, they'd have to report his condition, which would trigger an investigation.

No, he couldn't do that. He couldn't let anyone know about this. He was already in trouble for fighting and if another incident was reported, he didn't want to consider the consequences. He needed to get to a bathroom, somehow, somewhere. But all the bathrooms he had access to were public, which could also create problems. Someone would likely report him, whether they had good intentions or not. And if he returned to the barracks, he'd definitely be reported. Besides, floor five was out of the question. Angeal's office was right near the barracks, and if there was anyone he needed to avoid at that moment, it was the general.

What was he supposed to do? Everything in Shinra's HQ was public—he had no way of keeping this secret. Maybe if he went all the way to the bottom floor and out into the city, he could go somewhere, but that would still require going out the main gates. No way would the guards there just let him walk out a bloody and bruised mess.

But he needed to do something. He could feel his legs trembling, his whole body wanting to give out. He needed to find someplace to at least sit down, else he was going to collapse again.

Maybe it didn't matter. The smart thing to do was go to the medical ward. He needed to be healed. They'd really roughed him up good and there was no way to tell how much damage they'd done.

He'd just have to deal with the consequences.

Sniffing—and flinching at how painful it was to do so—he took a few more labored breaths before reaching up with one hand to try and pull his hood up over his head. Which was when he felt it, his fingers trailing along the lanyard.

He still had Zack's keycard.

This fact rolled around in his head for a few moments, a vague idea beginning to form from his fuzzy thoughts.

Zack would understand, right? True, he'd just told him not to get into any more fights, but this was hardly his fault. Maybe if he just… texted him… But that would require talking to him, right? He couldn't do that.

Maybe if he just showed up at Zack's door… If the older boy was there, he'd definitely help him, no matter how disappointed he was. And if Cloud was lucky, he'd keep this whole thing under wraps like he had the training room mishap.

And if Zack wasn't there…

Maybe he could just use his bathroom to quickly clean up. Just enough that he could go to his own barracks without drawing undo suspicion.

It was a bad plan. A very, very bad plan. And if he was smart, he'd just text Zack explaining to him what was going on. But that was also out of the question, which left him with very few options.

Yanking his hood as far over his head as he could, he took yet another few labored breaths before attempting to straighten fully. Doing so nearly caused him to double over and vomit, but he kept his balance against the railing and waited for the wave to pass. Once it had, he braced himself for what was going to be a very painful journey, before forcing himself to let go.

He stumbled some as he walked toward the staircase door, but managed to find the door handle and slowly pull it open, revealing the brightness of the floor beyond.

Remaining somewhat hidden in the shadows of the doorway, he peered out, thankful that the library floor wasn't generally that busy. Especially this time of day, when most were either on duty or in classes. The lunch rush was over and evening studying had yet to begin. If he was lucky, he could make it all the way down the hall to the elevators.

Bracing himself once again, he did his best to control his heavy breathing as he stepped fully through the door. Not wanting to get blood on any of the walls, he pushed back on the urge to use them for balance, instead wrapping his hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt and gripping at the straps of his backpack, up by his shoulders.

Hunching so as to hide as much of his front as he could, he kept his head down and started marching slowly down the hall. He wasn't so lucky as to pass no one, two people coming around the corner a few seconds in. They were chatting loudly, distracted, and Cloud was able to turn toward the wall and look convincingly like he was on his PHS. They passed without a word, Cloud swallowing hard as he once again began walking.

He was losing energy fast, his balance wavering as he found himself standing before the elevators. Pulling Zack's keycard from under his shirt, he held it protectively as the elevator doors opened. Another person stepped out, but they were focused on their PHS and hardly noticed him.

Sliding in, Cloud quickly scanned in Zack's keycard before hitting the button for the 98th floor. The doors closed shortly after, Cloud hunching some in the corner as he waited the long seconds it took for the elevator to carry him higher and higher.

He must have blacked out for a few seconds during the ride, because he came to in confusion upon hearing the elevator ding. Startled, he turned to the doors, but they were only opening to allow him out, not because anyone else intended to enter.

Stumbling out, he again had to reject the urge to use the wall for support, not wanting to leave bloody handprints behind. But he was so close now, the sound of someone somewhere in the hallway opening and closing a door spurring him to move as fast as his injured body would allow.

Turning at the "T," he practically tripped into Zack's door, his hands shaking so badly that it took him three tries to scan the keycard and unlock the door.

He practically fell into the room, stumbling over his own feet. He toppled to his knees, the weighted door closing behind him.

Stuck on all fours, he found that he didn't have the energy to get back up. And seeing as Zack wasn't rushing over to help him (or yell at him), he assumed he must be alone in the apartment.

He mostly just wanted to seep down onto the floor and lay there, but the paranoia over where he was kept him conscious. Shrugging his heavy backpack to the floor, he left it as he slowly started to crawl his way to the bathroom. Once there, he paused to consider the light, but ultimately decided he didn't have the energy to waste reaching for it. Continuing across the tile, he soon found himself in front of the sink. Grappling with the edge of it, he slowly—and very shakily—dragged himself to his feet. It took all his remaining strength to do so, his body still hunched as he attempted to find his footing.

He couldn't, his body wanting to collapse beneath the weight of the pain literally everywhere. He'd just have to push through it.

Reaching out, he went for the handle to turn on the water, but missed. Without his hand supporting him on the sink, he lost his balance. Zack's bottles and containers were sent crashing to the floor, Cloud doing all he could to stop himself from the same fate.

He failed, his legs giving out as he collapsed. He ended up on his side, his hands reaching out blindly across the tile in any attempts to find something to hold on to. But there was nothing and what little light there was in the bathroom was fading.

He'd just… have to lay there for a bit…

Just a few minutes.

He'd be fine.

Everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huuuuu, this chapter took forever to upload because of all the images. Oh well. 
> 
> Anyway, so things were good and then things were bad. We got some communication between Cloud and Zack at least, and Angeal is there in the present, because he's one of the few things from Crisis Core I was okay with, lol. 
> 
> ALSO! I finished the remake so... Yeah, it was amazing. And will probably make its way into this fic in small ways, lol. ENJOY!


	8. Chapter 8

_Present Day_

It was somehow unnerving that the sunrise looked the same as it always had, Zack decided. The quiet of the Gongagan morning was familiar, yet the twisting apprehension in his gut reminded him that nothing was at all as he'd thought.

Four more years he'd lost. Four years since he and Cloud had labored up that cliff before being brutally ambushed. How he'd survived, he had no idea. But, frankly, that was the least of his worries. The world was a totally different place than he remembered, and somewhere in that huge world was Cloud. Was he okay? Had he recovered? Or… Or had he inevitably degraded into a vegetable?

No matter the case, Zack knew he had to find him. It'd been overwhelming at first, everything his parents had told him, the reality of how much time had passed. He'd spent a considerable amount of the previous day trying to grapple with his own age, the loss of so much time. He'd tried to read the magazines his parents had, to catch up on what he'd missed, but it'd all been too overwhelming.

Which was when he'd come to his ultimate conclusion: it didn't matter how much time had passed or how the world had changed—he had one priority, and that priority was Cloud. Everything else was manageable so long as he could reunite with his soulmate. The starkness of his tattoo made it clear that Cloud was still out there, which gave him his next objective.

No matter how far he had to go or for how long he had to look, he'd find Cloud. All else was irrelevant.

Which left him with one question—where to start.

"I've can't remember you ever sitting for so long in one place when you were younger."

Turning his head over his shoulder, Zack watched as his mother stepped out the back door. He was sitting on the stone porch, remaining where he was as she came up next to him. She pulled up a lawn chair as she did, before settling herself into place.

"Yeah, that makes sense," Zack agreed, sparing her a small smile as he did. "I think I've learned how to sit and actually think about things, you know?"

"A sign of maturity," his mother stated.

 _A sign of trauma_ , Zack thought to himself, deciding it was better not to say as much out loud. He'd spent a lot of his younger years without much thought to where his actions would take him. Blowing through each day like a whirlwind had just been natural. Until, of course, everything in his life had come to a grinding halt. Imprisoned, tortured, his soulmate practically dead, pursued by Shinra. It'd made him much more careful and paranoid, and while Shinra wasn't around to chase him down anymore, those feelings remained. He couldn't just charge in—he had to think carefully about his next move. Especially if he wanted to have any chance of finding Cloud.

"Zack?" his mother questioned, causing him to look up at her again. "Is something wrong? I've never seen you look so… thoughtful…" She was clearly worried, but there was little he could say to ease her feelings.

"Oh, yeah, maybe," he replied quietly, pulling his attention from her to instead look up at the sky. Taking a deep breath, he decided there was no point in putting off the inevitable. "I'm gonna have to go soon," he started, instinctively reaching out to touch his fingers to his soulmark. "There's… There's something I gotta do. Someone I gotta find."

He turned to look at her again. "I gotta know they're okay."

His mother was initially confused, but as she glanced down at his arm, realization dawned on her.

"I don't know where to start, but…" Zack frowned down at the ground. "But I gotta try."

Appearing only momentarily torn—probably because she didn't want him to leave—his mother eventually settled into accepting resolve.

"It's harder to travel these days," she started. "Without Shinra, there's no military presence, so there's no convenient, safe way to get from one town to another."

"I'll walk if I have to," Zack said sternly. He'd dragged Cloud all over the world when they'd been running from Shinra. It'd been hard, but he'd do it all again if he had to.

His mother hummed. "You should look into SDS," she eventually decided. "They're the delivery people. Once a week, they stop by the village to drop off or pick up any mail. I'd imagine you could catch a ride with them, at least to wherever it is they go."

"That's an idea," Zack agreed, nodding as a plan slowly began to form in his head. "When do they come next?"

"Tomorrow morning. A young woman runs our mail. I can't remember her name, but she looks Wutaian. Very loud, very energetic. She usually shows up between eight and nine in the morning, to the mayor's house."

"Tomorrow, eh?" Zack tapped his chin. "I'll need to get some clothes today, then," as he was currently wearing a shirt and pair of pants that belonged to his father, which were somewhat small. "And a sword."

"I can give you some gil," his mother offered. "Not much, but…"

Zack wanted to refuse, but seeing as he had absolutely nothing to his name, he wasn't really in any position to. "I'll pay you back," he assured. "I'll have to work my way to some places, so I'll be sure to send—"

She was already shaking her head. "It's fine, honey. We haven't been able to help you at all these last ten years—the least we can do is this little bit now."

"Ma…"

"It's okay," she assured, reaching out and running her hands through his hair. "Just… be sure to stay in touch this time, okay?"

"I will," he said quickly. "I promise." He almost went on to say that he would have before, had he been able, but then feared that saying such a thing would lead his mother to worry about where he'd been. That was the last thing he needed to put on her.

Instead, he stood and followed her back into the house, feeling guilty when she handed over what little savings they had, but knowing he didn't have much choice other than to accept it.

It was early morning, but people were out and about as he left the house. Deciding to prioritize the quality of his weapon over any of the clothes he might purchase, he went directly to the weapon shop. Or where he thought it was, in any case. As he'd observed before, the village was bigger than he remembered. But the weapon store turned out to be exactly where it'd always been, albeit the building looked as though it'd gone through quite a few repairs.

Going in, he waved to the accessory seller—who manned the bottom floor—before hopping his way up to the second level. He was immediately surveying what was on display as he walked in, from guns to swords to everything else. But nothing was really catching his eye, not right away anyway.

"What're you in the market for, young man?" the dealer asked as Zack approached the counter. "Haven't seen you around, but… you look a bit familiar." The man eyed him critically, which inspired Zack to offer up a reassuring smile.

"I grew up here, but haven't been back in almost a decade," he replied.

"Ah, okay, well, whatever the case, what're you lookin' for?"

"A sword," Zack said straight off. "Something large."

The man hummed. "How large we talkin'?"

"Something not just anyone could lift, you know what I mean?"

Squinting, the dealer looked him up and down, before eventually focusing in on his eyes. What he saw made him purse his lips and lean back, but if there was a problem, he kept it to himself.

"'Fraid we don't carry the kind of weapons you'd be interested in too often. Had a Hardedge for years before some guy bought it, oh, a couple years back. Other than that, all's we got is blades of a more regular size. You know, for regular folks."

Zack frowned. It'd be a while since he'd used a standard issue sword, but it'd do until he could find something bigger, he supposed.

"Actually," the dealer interjected suddenly, looking thoughtful before her turned away. "Wait there—I might have something for you after all." Going through a door at the back of the shop, he disappeared, Zack once again looking around as he waited. But it wasn't long until the shopkeeper returned, Zack's breath catching in his throat at the heavy blade he brought with him.

"Where did you get that?" he asked, just as the shopkeeper laid the sword out on the counter.

"Some SOLDIER come to town all beat up. Couldn't use it anymore, so he left it." Reaching out, Zack laid his hands carefully atop the cool metal, the bulbous shape of the sword reminding him of his own. "He didn't seem too happy to leave it, but said he didn't have the right to use it anymore. Something about honor or some such, I don't remember."

Angeal's buster sword. The very same sword Zack's had been modeled after when he'd reached first class. The gold detailing up near the handle was all that separated the two weapons, as Zack's had been less ornate. The blade was in excellent condition, which wasn't surprising given that Angeal had cared for it religiously. The buster sword had meant so much to Angeal…

Why had he left it in Gongaga?

"I'll take it," Zack decided, glancing back up at the shopkeeper as he did.

"I don't really know what to charge ya for it, so… I'll take the same as what I sold the Hardedge for—they seem about the same size."

It was a fair price, though it did take a good chunk out of what his parent's had given him. Still, it was a purchase that was more than worth it to Zack, especially when the shopkeeper handed over the old SOLDIER harness that'd come with it. Sure, it took some adjusting to get it to fit, as Angeal had been quite a bit larger than Zack, but once it was securely in place, it felt like… like home. Like Zack had found something he hadn't realized he'd been missing.

Holding the sword in-hand as he left the shop, he waited until he was clear of any walls or potential casualties before holding the sword up, to get a better look at it. The sun glinted off the shining metal, bringing a wave of emotion up through Zack's throat that he had to swallow back down.

Closing his eyes, he brought the sword forward and leaned his forehead against the cold metal. Maybe Shinra didn't exist anymore, but he'd always be a SOLDIER—that was a process that couldn't be undone. And maybe there wasn't much left of his old life, but he could hold on to what Angeal had taught him—honor and principals. That, and the discipline needed to keep going forward no matter how hard things got.

Having Angeal's sword with him posed a lot of questions, but it also brought him considerable comfort.

The world was changed— _he_ was changed—but so long as he held true to who he was, he could do anything. He'd make his way no matter how difficult, and in the end, he'd find Cloud. So long as he stuck to that—to remaining true and having faith—everything would be okay.

He just had to keep going, one step at a time.

_9 Years Ago_

Zack was seriously getting worried at this point. Sure, he'd been irritated initially, when Cloud hadn't shown up for class, and been even more so when he'd never responded to any of his texts. But now that he'd been to the barracks, the training rooms, and the library looking for him, he was starting to assume something had happened. Something bad, because that was really the only thing that would justify Cloud vanishing so suddenly off the face of Shinra HQ.

It had better be something bad, or Cloud was going to be in deep shit. You couldn't just skip classes in the army—that wasn't how it worked.

It was a thought that wasn't comforting, however, Zack once again sending Cloud a text as he rode the elevator up to his apartment. He'd have to go home, grab something to eat (because he was starving), and start looking for Cloud again. Maybe he'd even have to tell Angeal—they could cover more ground together.

Something had to have happened. That was the only explanation.

Stomach tight with knots, Zack went quickly to his apartment, trying to think of anywhere else Cloud could be that he wasn't considering. Pushing his way inside, he would have gone straight to his fridge for his snack before turning right back around again. But he faltered just inside the door, eyes immediately catching on the Shinra backpack lying on the floor.

It was way too new to be his backpack…

Crouching down, Zack was about to pick it up when something else caught his eye.

Crusty, red-brown streaks on the floor beside it.

"Blood?" he muttered, his whole chest contracting with nervousness.

Lifting his head, he looked quickly around the apartment. "Cloud?" he called out, before standing and going to the only place in the apartment that wasn't visible.

The bathroom door was open, Zack quickly flicking on the light as his attention zeroed in on the body lying limp in front of the sink.

"Oh shit," he muttered, ignoring the way his heart skipped as he swiftly bent down beside Cloud. He was facing away from him, like he'd fallen after reaching the sink. He must have, because all of the bottles that consisted of Zack's morning routine were scattered on the floor, blood stains imprinted on the edge of the white porcelain where Cloud must have been holding himself up.

"Cloud?" Carefully, he rolled Cloud from his side onto his back.

The sight that revealed itself had Zack's heart skipping with nerves all over again.

"Oh god, don't be dead, don't be dead," he muttered, ignoring the blood that stained Cloud's throat in favor of using two fingers to check his pulse. Thankfully, it was easy enough to feel that his heart was beating. Steadily, despite the gruesome sight.

There were dark bruises all over his face and neck, while cuts littered his cheeks and forehead. There was a particularly large cut on his ear, which had resulted in a lot of blood dripping down his neck. He must also have a bad one beneath the hair on his forehead, because there was blood smeared down his temple and cheek, much of it staining his hair. And none of that included the copious amounts of blood that leaked from his nose and two huge cuts on his lips.

Reminding himself that injuries to the face and head tended to look much worse than they actually were, Zack did his best to ignore the blood (for now) in favor of evaluating whether or not Cloud had suffered any injuries that could be considered life-threatening. He'd lost a lot of blood, but he was breathing fine, just unconscious.

His nose didn't appear to be broken, though it was black and blue with bruising.

Following the trail of damage, Zack pursed his lips when it vanished beneath Cloud's sweatshirt. Knowing what he'd find wouldn't be pretty, he reached down and pulled up Cloud's shirt. Anger flashed through him immediately, the grotesque, dark bruises that littered his entire abdomen just as shocking as the damage that had been done to his face. Two in particular looked bad—the deep, dark purple that was spreading beneath his ribs and another that was stretching around from the left side of his chest.

But it was the stomach that Zack was most worried about—there could be internal bleeding.

"Cloud, I need you to wake up, buddy," Zack muttered. Momentarily leaving Cloud on the floor, he left the bathroom and went to his desk. Pulling out one drawer after another, he eventually found what he was looking for—an old tuft of phoenix down he'd kept outside of regulation, back in his early SOLDIER days.

Returning to the bathroom, he got down on his knees beside Cloud and held the tuft over his bloody face. Cracking and breaking the stiff feather in his hands, he allowed the particles to sprinkle atop Cloud's face, the sparkling remains sinking quickly into his skin. They did little to heal any of his wounds, but his blue eyes were fluttering open a second later. A light groan left his lips.

"Hey, man, I'm here," Zack murmured, reaching up under Cloud's shoulders in attempts to sit him up. Cloud didn't do much to help, looking rather confused as his gaze moved blearily around the room. Until he focused in on Zack, which inspired Zack to smile despite any of his worry.

"There we go," Zack said, once he'd gotten Cloud propped up against the wall beside the sink. "I don't have any potions or cure materia on me—we have to check that kind of stuff out before leaving. Though it probably wouldn't do you any good at this point." That was the thing about potions and the like—they worked in tandem with the energy surrounding any given injury. The sooner they were used, the more potent their affects. But the longer one waited, the less they could repair. Even if Zack used a full-cure on Cloud, he wasn't sure it'd do much. There was a reason the existence of potions and materia hadn't made doctors obsolete.

"Hey, don't pass out on me again, alright?" he continued, when Cloud's head lolled dangerously to the side. "I don't have any more phoenix downs and if you've got a concussion, you need to stay awake." Reaching for the towel that was hanging above their heads, he stood, turned on the water in the sink, and soaked it through.

Barely wringing it out, he was down beside Cloud in a second, beginning to dab at the wounds on his face.

"I think we need to get you down to the medical ward," Zack started. It was a statement that finally pulled a reaction out of Cloud. His eyes widened, his shoulders going as stiff as his weakened state would allow, while his head shook vaguely from side to side. "You've got some serious bruising on your abdomen, man. If there's something worse going on, then we need to get you checked out."

Assuming logic would prevail, Zack reached down to pick Cloud up. But as he did, Cloud weakly pushed his arm away.

"Cloud!" Zack said sternly. "Quit being a little shit!"

But all Cloud did was shake his head again, before reaching shaky fingers out for the towel dripping red-stained water down Zack's hand.

Sighing, Zack took a calming breath and once again started wiping at the blood staining Cloud's face. His sweatshirt was soon soaked as a result—catching all the water—and so Zack helped Cloud remove it, pulling the article up over his head before setting it aside.

"Do you see how bad this is?" Zack asked, gesturing to the ripening bruise on Cloud's stomach. "That could be a lot worse than a bruise."

Yet, even so, Cloud stubbornly looked away, as if refusing to acknowledge anything Zack had to say.

"You're a real dickhead sometimes, you know that?" Zack asked, standing in a huff to wring the blood out of the towel, before rewetting it and once again bending down to wipe at Cloud's face. "You should have gone straight to the medical ward in the first place. Why the hell did you come all the way up here? I didn't lend you that keycard so you could make dumbass decisions."

Still, Cloud refused to look him in the eye, instead reaching up in a weakly obstinate attempt to take the towel out of Zack's hand, apparently thinking he could do it himself.

"Just stop," Zack said, his voice weaker now as he pushed Cloud's hand back. "I'm trying to help you…"

Hand falling back, Cloud made no more attempts to take over, yet refusing to look at Zack even as he gently scrubbed all the blood from his skin. He wiped it from his hair as well, at least as best he could, before sitting back and releasing a short sigh.

Truth be told, Cloud still looked terrible. Even without all the blood, he was a bruised, swollen mess. A potion or cure might help to speed up the healing process, but at that point he was pretty much stuck looking like a dropped apple for a while. Knowing bruises, he'd probably look even worse the following day.

"What the hell happened?" Zack asked, watching with sympathy as Cloud slowly and shakily tried to pull his knees up to his chest. He couldn't, a grimace flashing across his face that resulted in him immediately lowering his knees to the side, his whole abdomen contorting in pain.

"Come on," Zack murmured, once again reaching out to try and pick him up. "I'm not taking you to the medical ward," he explained, when it looked like Cloud might try to fight him off again. This eased him some, allowing Zack to gently heft him into his arms. Cloud was basically limp, head falling against Zack's chest. Somehow, he felt heavier than when Zack had carried him all the way up from the training rooms.

Leaving the bathroom, he went to the couch and gingerly set Cloud down. He practically fell back into the cushions, face once again scrunching in pain. Zack watched him for a few seconds—just to make sure he was going to settle into place—before he went to the bed. Yanking up the thin blanket, he brought it over, pulled Cloud carefully forward, and draped it over his shoulders.

He then sat down beside him, waiting until he'd settled into place yet again before returning to his interrogation.

"You need to tell me what happened," Zack practically demanded. "No more of this silence bullshit. You can't just come bleeding into my apartment and get away with no explanation."

He eyed Cloud severely, watching as the younger man struggled in place—be it because of Zack's question or the pain—before he ultimately slumped and stared down at the cushions. He said absolutely nothing.

"God dammit, Cloud," Zack muttered, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I don't understand you."

This finally pulled some sort of reaction out of Cloud. His eyes traveled to Zack's face, something sad and… fearful existing behind those bright blues. For half a second, Zack was certain he saw tears gathering, but ever stubborn, Cloud pushed them back. Instead, he slipped shaking fingers forward, lightly touching the brown leather of Zack's left suspender, before sliding his hand around it fully and holding tight.

Zack then had to catch him as he practically fell into him, the spikes of his blonde hair tickling Zack's chin as he leaned his forehead into his chest. Already prepared to steady him, Zack wrapped careful arms around his shoulders, both perplexed and troubled by Cloud's behavior. Not because he was bothered, but because he knew what it was like to be lonely and isolated. To end up beat up and vulnerable with nowhere to go would have only made it worse. Though Zack had had a hard time making close friends (still did) upon joining Shinra, he'd at least had the charisma to keep assholes at bay. People had laughed at him and his dreams of SOLDIER, but they hadn't tried to beat it out of him.

"It's okay," Zack murmured, setting his chin on Cloud's head as he soothingly rubbed his hand up and down his back. Though the blanket lay between them, he could still practically count every vertebra in Cloud's spine. He was thin—the same way Zack had been thin at his age—which made him all the angrier over what had been done to him. Or maybe protective was a better label. Though they were clearly very different in some ways, in others Cloud reminded him so much of himself.

"I get that—for whatever reason—you don't want to talk. So I'm going to ask you a few questions and you're just going to nod or shake your head, alright?" He waited a moment, as was expected, and eventually Cloud nodded against him in agreement.

"Was it a fair fight?"

He shook his head.

"Did you start it?"

There was obvious hesitation, before he decided to shake his head.

Zack hummed. "Did you throw the first punch, though?"

Another pause, this time followed by a light nod.

"Okay. But if you hadn't hit first, would they still have beat the shit out of you?"

He nodded.

Zack growled. "How in the world did they even get so much damage in on you before being caught? Were you alone somewhere?"

Another nod.

"Well, that explains it I guess. They must really have it out for you."

No response.

"This kind of bullshit behavior is totally not okay. Once Angeal finds out—"

Cloud immediately pulled away from him, expression desperate. He then started shaking his head, his hand around Zack's suspender tightening.

"Whoa, Cloud, it's okay," he replied quickly, trying to grapple with why Cloud was upset. "You're not gonna be in trouble for this. I mean, I get Angeal punished you and those three guys yesterday, but that was just for normal fighting and stuff. Not like you guys are the only ones getting into trouble—there's at least four dozen other soldiers on clean-up this weekend. Twice a month that kind of punishment happens—it's super normal. Not that everyone who's there is in trouble for fighting, specifically, but yeah, you get what I'm saying."

Yet, despite his words, Cloud didn't look the least bit convinced.

"Look, there's a huge difference between normal shitty fighting among soldiers and what was done to you. Those guys—I'm assuming they're the same ones from before—went way overboard. They could have killed you. You get that, right? That's why I'm saying we need to go to medical. There's no way to tell for sure the kind of damage they did. You may be up and around right now, but come morning, who knows."

Cloud was visibly unsure, that little wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows as they scrunched together.

"I promise, Cloud. Angeal is going to be pissed, but it's not gonna be at you. This isn't going to negatively affect your chances of getting into SOLDIER, I swear. So please, for the sake of my sanity, can we go to the medical ward?"

Giving Cloud the best puppy-dog eyes he could muster, he smiled and waited, even as Cloud remained doubtful. Yet, finally, logic prevailed, Cloud giving in to a light nod that had Zack sagging in relief.

"Cool, cool, cool. Just sit there a second while I get you a new sweatshirt." Careful to make sure Cloud was balanced against the back of the couch, Zack pulled back before standing and going to the closet just on the other side of his desk. Sliding the door open, he rifled through the clothes on the floor before pulling out what he thought was a clean, Shinra-issued sweatshirt.

Turning, he was about to head back to the couch, but came to a faltering stop when his eyes caught on his computer screen.

"Level 16…" he muttered. "But I wasn't—" Hit by abrupt surprise, he put his attention back on Cloud. "Did you beat level 15? On my game?"

Cloud watched him silently, providing a very noncommittal shrug.

"You are a little shit," Zack decided, which pulled a very small smile to Cloud's injured lips. Huffing, Zack rejected the urge to throw the sweatshirt at Cloud's head—he was injured, remember—and instead released a feigningly annoyed huff as he plopped back down on the couch beside him.

"Here, let's get this on," he said, Cloud already attempting to lean forward. The blanket slipped from his pale shoulders as he did, once again revealing his bruised and battered abdomen. Zack tried not to focus on it too much, his gut once again twisting with worry as he helped Cloud to pull the sweatshirt over his head, before painfully beginning to slide his arms into the sleeves.

"I worked on that level for like four hours last night," he started, hoping to distract Cloud from whatever pain he was in. "I can't believe you beat it. How many tries did it take you?"

Though he was still trembling, Cloud pushed through in order to hold up one arrogant little finger, another smile pulling at his lips at the shocked gape that dropped onto Zack's face.

"One try?!" he baulked. "That's bullshit. You cheated. You've done it before!"

His smile widened just a bit more, but then was flinchingly stripped away when one of the cuts on his lower lips reopened. Blood immediately swelled into place, beginning to drip down his chin.

"Shit, sorry," Zack muttered, reaching up with his bare hand at the same time Cloud did. Beating him to the punch, Zack did his best to catch the blood on his fingers, before it could streak any further down Cloud's chin. He then reached for a paper towel that was sitting on the end table beside the couch, folding it before replacing his hand upon Cloud's lip. "Hold that there," he issued, Cloud doing as he was told while Zack stood. Going to the sink, he quickly rinsed the blood from his fingers before grabbing a hand towel from one of the cabinet drawers.

Returning to the couch, he had Cloud replace the paper towel with the hand towel, before leaning back with a satisfied huff.

"You ready?" he asked after a few seconds. "I'll carry you to the medical ward."

Cloud gave him a look like he was crazy.

"You seriously want to walk?"

As if to verify his stance on the matter, Cloud scooted slowly to the edge of the couch. He had to take a breath to brace himself, but did eventually push himself to his feet. Zack shot up next to him, hands wavering around Cloud's shoulders. Afraid he was liable to fall at any moment, Zack remained close, even as Cloud began to shuffle stubbornly toward the door.

Reaching down and quickly grabbing Cloud's backpack, Zack swung it into place behind his own shoulders, before setting his attention back on Cloud. They'd reached the door, Zack being the one who grabbed the handle and pulled it open, while Cloud continued to shuffle forward until they were both standing in the hall.

But it was becoming quickly clear that Cloud wasn't going to be able to make it on his own. He was breathing hard and faltering in place, as if he could collapse at any second.

"Okay, enough of that," Zack determined. He didn't pick Cloud up, but he did wrap an arm around his shoulders, hoping that would help him to stay standing. He half expected Cloud to try and push him away, but instead, the blonde leaned heavily against him, his far hand reaching up to grab loosely at Zack's suspender again.

It was more concerning, really, because Cloud was obviously feeling terrible enough to forgo his stubbornness in favor of Zack's help.

"I'll help you, okay?" Zack said gently, which earned him a nod from Cloud. Together, they slowly made their way to the elevator, Zack doing all he could to keep Cloud upright, while Cloud put his entire focus on moving one foot in front of the other. His breathing was less labored and more fast and painful by the time they finally stopped in front of the metal doors. Hitting the button, Zack held Cloud even closer as they waited for it to arrive, his own anxiety once again rearing into place.

"You're gonna be alright," he murmured, more so for himself than for Cloud. "We're just one elevator ride away from the medical ward."

Yet Cloud continued to lean more heavily against him. Zack practically had to drag him into the elevator once it arrived, quickly hitting the correct button before situating both of them in the corner.

"This isn't gonna work, Spike," Zack said softly. "I'm gonna have to carry you."

No objection was made this time, Zack wondering if Cloud was even conscious enough to have heard what he said. It was a thought that unnerved him further, Zack quickly gathering Cloud against his chest before hefting him into his arms. With one arm around his back and the other up under his rear, he situated Cloud so his legs were framing Zack's hips, blonde spikes once again tickling at his face as Cloud's head fell heavily atop his shoulder. He was trembling against Zack, breathing fast and saying nothing.

Holding him tighter, Zack willed the elevator to move faster. And he swore under his breath when it stopped about halfway down. It was late and most Shinra employees should be gone, but two men in suits slid in through the doors anyway, both of them visibly surprised at the sight of Zack with an injured young man in his arms.

Zack glared at them, standing a little taller as he did, which deterred them from any further staring. Silently, the rode the rest of the way to Zack's floor, the two men staying behind as Zack stepped forward and out the door into the medical ward. Walking swiftly, he went to the window at the nurse's station, which was situated just outside the elevator doors.

"Hi," he said quickly, when the nurse on duty turned to him. "I've got an injured infantryman. I think he was beat up by some other guys. It looks pretty bad."

The nurse was already standing, gathering together her clipboard and gloves as she went swiftly to open the locked door just on the other side of the window. As soon as it clicked open, Zack was inside. He went to the nearest bed and gently set Cloud down, all while the nurse bustled around him. He was asked a few questions, as Cloud was once again unconscious, and he did his best to answer them. Thankfully, he was able to look up Cloud's personal information, but anything about what exactly had happened was left a mystery.

A doctor arrived some five minutes later, he and the nurse exchange a few words before they started to wheel Cloud further into the ward. Zack tried to follow, but was quickly told to stay where he was. Continuing to worry, he stood up by the nurse's station and watched as Cloud was pushed through a pair of swinging double doors, before all three of them disappeared.

Pacing a bit in place, he eventually pulled out his PHS and called Angeal.

"Zack, it's late. What is it?" his mentor asked as soon as he picked up.

"We've got a bit of a situation," Zack explained. "Strife didn't show up for class so I went looking for him. I eventually found him, but he's in bad shape. I'm pretty sure he was ganged up on."

"How bad of shape is he in?" Angeal asked, his voice much darker than it had been previously.

"I don't really know for sure. I just got to medical with him a few minutes ago—I had to carry him in—and they took him back. But it looked pretty bad. Blood all over his face, bruises everywhere. He'd got a couple of nasty spots that might be worse than they look."

"Was he conscious when you found him?"

"No. I used a phoenix down to wake him up, but I think he passed out again on the way down here."

"How long has it been?"

"Too long to use a potion or cure to do much good."

Angeal hummed. "I'll be down in a few minutes. Just wait there."

He hung up without a word following, Zack once again beginning to pace. The minutes ticked by slowly, making it feel like it was much longer than it was when Angeal finally showed up. Pushing open the door so he could get in, Zack then moved back so his mentor could enter fully.

"Are they still back there with him?" he asked.

Zack nodded. "They haven't updated me."

"Did Strife tell you anything?"

"Not really. But I don't think it's too hard to figure out who did it."

"Don't make assumptions," Angeal said stiffly. "Where did you find him?"

Zack immediately clammed up, his gaze darting to the side.

"Zack…"

He slumped, already defeated. "I found him in my apartment."

Arms crossing over his chest, Angeal eyed him critically, silently willing him to explain.

"He had a keycard to my place," Zack started. "He got locked out of the barracks last night so I let him sleep at my apartment. I left before he woke up, but I'm assuming that he left because he'd changed his clothes. Then he got beat up some time during the day before going back to my room."

"Why would he have gone back to your room?" Angeal asked, sounding altogether too suspicious.

"Probably because he was afraid he'd be in even bigger trouble than he already is if he reported it. Which isn't how it works and I told him that. He still didn't want to come, but I made him do it anyway."

Clearly frustrated, Angeal huffed and shook his head, staring down at the floor as he did.

"Look, it doesn't matter where I found him. What matters is the fact that those little fuckers clearly aren't fazed by the rules. You got into their shit yesterday and they still went after him today. They should be discharged for that kind of behavior!"

"Neither of us knows what actually happened, Zack."

"You didn't fucking see him!" Zack hissed. "They could have killed him! I thought he _was_ dead when I found him!"

"You need to calm down," Angeal said steadily. "Once we know what kind of condition he's in, we'll go in and—"

The doctor came back through the double doors, causing both of them to go silent as they turned their attention his way.

"We gave him a dose of x-potion, but it's been too long for it to do much good," the doctor said as he came to a stop before them. "He's in x-rays now for the injury to his abdomen, but I don't think there's any sort of internal bleeding."

Zack released a relieved breath, unaware of how much tension he'd been holding in until it finally eased away.

"He does have a concussion and some severe bruising, but most of it should heal just fine. He'll have to be taken off-duty for a minimum of three days."

"We'll take him off duty for the rest of the week," Angeal replied. "Is he conscious?"

"He is conscious again, after a phoenix down and the x-potion. Once he's out of x-rays, I'll let you know so you can see him. We'll have to write up a report on the incident. Would you like it to go directly through you?" He was looking at Angeal.

"Yes. I'll be handling the investigation."

The doctor nodded and took a step back. "Like I said, I'll let you know once you can see him."

He turned and walked back through the double doors, Zack and Angeal remaining silent for some moments following, until Angeal turned his attention back to Zack.

"You can't play favorites in this kind of situation," he said.

"I'm not…"

"Have you even bothered to look at Strife's recruitment file?" he asked, to which Zack said nothing. "I looked into it after you told me how much potential you thought he had. While he's never been written up, there are at least half a dozen incidents where he was caught fighting with other recruits during boot camp, most of which go on to say that he was likely the one that started it, even though the situation wasn't decisive enough for a write-up. Is that really the kind of person you think is First Class material?"

"It's not that simple," Zack replied quietly.

Angeal was not impressed.

"Look, I've been watching him just like you said. He's clearly bullied and has, like, no friends. Not that I've seen anyway. I even asked him whether he started the fight that landed him here and he admitted that he did, but he also said that if he hadn't, they'd have beat the shit out of him anyway."

"And you believe that?"

"Angeal, you've seen him. He's not exactly going to win any fights he starts."

Though he hummed noncommittally, Angeal did nod. It wasn't any affirmation that he believed what Zack was saying, but maybe he'd be opened-minded on the subject.

"How did he get locked out of the barracks last night?"

"Ah…" Zack thought back to watching the recordings in the training room. "I think he was just pissed that he got into trouble with you. Ended up in the training rooms trying to let off steam and accidentally stayed too late." Zack shrugged. "I think he's afraid that all of this is going to negatively impact his chances of getting into SOLDIER."

"It might."

Zack frowned. "Well I told him it wouldn't because you'd be understanding of the situation."

Angeal cocked a skeptical brow.

"He really wants it bad," Zack said quietly. "I know he does. Just… give him a chance."

Sighing, Angeal paused for just a few seconds before nodding. He'd at least hear what Cloud had to say, which was better than nothing.

Supposing that was all he could really ask for, Zack did his best to stay quiet while they continued to wait. After all, he was in trouble too. He wasn't supposed to be giving out his keycard to just anyone—he had access to some of Shinra's most top secret and off-limits locations. That kind of power in the hands of a new recruit could get _him_ demoted. Or even worse, if any of the higher ups ever found out.

Cloud owed him big time, the little twerp.

Thankfully, they only had to wait another ten or so minutes before the nurse came back. She then escorted them to Cloud's room. The doctor wasn't there, which left only the three of them once the nurse left. Following Angeal in, Zack made sure to shut the door before turning his attention to the bed in the middle of the room.

Cloud was propped up, a few of the nastier cuts on his swollen face patched with bandages. What clothes he'd been wearing were folded and sitting on the chair beside his bed, while is injured body was swathed in a thin hospital gown. He had a blanket pulled up to his waist, one that he gripped nervously in his hands as Angeal entered.

But at least he was awake, his blue eyes darting nervously between them. Zack tried to offer up a silent apology for Angeal's presence, knowing that this was exactly what Cloud hadn't wanted to happen.

"What happened, Strife?" Angeal demanded as he approached the side of the bed. Zack stayed at the end, trying to look a little less intimidating than Angeal, who was doing Cloud no favors.

Swallowing hard, Cloud looked somewhat frantically between the two of them again, before visibly taking a deep, steadying breath. He closed his eyes for just a second, before turning his attention determinedly on Angeal.

"I was leaving the library," he started, Zack gaping slightly at the sound of his voice. Mostly because he'd never heard it before. He had a gentle, unassuming voice—like mossy dirt under truck tires. Sturdy, but soft. "I think I was followed. They… They cornered me in the stairwell."

"Who did?" Zack interjected, a little surprised at the fierceness of his own voice.

Cloud was clearly startled, his focus once again snapping to Zack as his mouth clamped shut. Like he'd thrown up a wall, he was suddenly closed off, something rebellious entering his gaze as he stared at Zack. Before he pulled away, staring down at the sheets and saying nothing to either of them.

Unable to hide the hurt and confusion that dropped across his whole expression, Zack gaped even further. What had he done to earn a cold shoulder like that? Was it something he'd said? Sure, there'd been some mix-ups as far as what Cloud had thought Zack was doing with his training, but he thought they'd cleared that up…

"I'm going to need a bit more detail than that," Angeal said.

Yet, even so, Cloud merely flinched before closing his eyes and still refusing to say anything. Instead, he hunched a bit, one of his hands coming up to grip tightly at his right forearm. Obviously, he was nervous, but Zack still didn't understand the silence.

"Just tell him what happened, Cloud," Zack practically begged.

But still, nothing.

Angeal, meanwhile, was looking all the more critical. He stared down at Cloud, then looked at Zack, before once again zeroing in on their cryptic patient. Zack half expected him to start offering threats along the lines of what would happen if Cloud didn't open his mouth to explain. Which left him all the more surprised when Angeal took a different route entirely.

Though he looked exasperated, he turned his attention again to Zack. "Go wait outside."

"What?" Zack barked.

"Go wait outside," Angeal repeated, ever firm.

Zack gaped stupidly. "Wha—No! I wanna know what happened! I think I kind of have the right to know, in fact, given the circumstances."

"I know," Angeal replied. "But I need you to go wait outside."

Zack wanted to object further, but didn't know what else he could say. Baffled, he once again looked at Cloud, but the blonde was keeping his eyes stubbornly on the sheets.

He just didn't get it—what had he done wrong?"

"Fine," Zack muttered petulantly. "Whatever." Sparing Cloud one final, sour look, Zack growled to himself and turned away. Pushing through the door, he made sure to close it behind him before marching off down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, poor Zack really is getting frustrated now. He'd been pretty patient, poor guy. But of course Angeal figures it out before he does, hahaha. Oh well. Next chapter will be REALLY good, so I hope you guys are ready for it, hu hu. I can't believe we're almost ten chapters in and Cloud still hasn't said a word to Zack-baby. Talk about a slow burn, lol. Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> I think I might start a youtube channel. You know, to talk about game theories and writing and stuff. Tumblr used to be my main outlet, but no one uses that anymore. Hmmm, we'll see, we'll see.


	9. Chapter 9

_Present Day_

"Hey, wait up!" Jogging across the town courtyard to the mayor's house, Zack waved vainly to the thin woman loading packages in the back of a pick-up truck. It'd once been a Shinra-issue truck, but the large logo on the side had been spray-painted over with black, before large, sloppy yellow letters spelling out "SDS" had taken its place.

She didn't appear to hear him, or was perhaps assuming he wasn't talking to her, as she turned from the truck and headed back into the mayor's front office even as he was reaching the truck. Huffing, Zack decided he'd just wait, directing his attention to the bed of the truck where a few boxes with addresses outside of Gongaga were situated. None of the addresses were to locations he was hoping to go, but hopefully he'd at least be able to hitch a ride part way.

After acquiring Angeal's sword the day before, he'd finished his shopping with a few healing items (there was no way he could afford any materia) and clothes that fit a tad better than his father's hand-me-downs. Dressed in a pair of combat boots, black jeans, and a sleeveless, knit sweater not unlike what he'd worn as a SOLDIER, he felt as prepared as he could be. He'd made do with less when he'd been dragging Cloud around all those years ago, so this was sure to be fine. He could always take odd jobs and restock as he went.

Flicking his attention to the mayor's door as it creaked open, he smiled wide as the same thin woman emerged, a stack of boxes shielding her from the waist up. Not wanting to surprise her, Zack waited until she'd set them down in the truck, which of course had her startled gaze zeroing in on him immediately.

"Hi!" Zack said jovially, wanting to make a good impression from the get-go. Thankfully, she didn't appear put-off by him being there, offering a broad smile of her own as she leaned on the edge of the truck. Just as Zack's mother had said previously, she appeared to be Wutain. Her short black hair framed her cheeks and the back of her neck, her big brown eyes bright inside her rounded face. A blue headband was wrapped around her forehead, the color matching her short tank-top. She otherwise wore a pair of orange shorts, thigh-high white stockings, and thick gray boots.

"Heyo!" she said. "Can I help ya with something?"

"Hopefully," Zack said, before putting his best puppy-dog eyes into action. "I was actually wondering if I could catch a ride with you out of town." His smile cracked a bit then with unease, as he was hoping he wasn't being too forward.

The woman frowned, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she looked him up and down. But just as quickly as her countenance had dropped, it was rearing back into playful energy.

"I guess you can," she decided, smiling once again. "Where ya headed?"

Relieved, Zack allowed his tension to seep away. "Anywhere, really. You're sure it's okay?"

"Oh yeah." She waved him off. "Besides, if you try to cause me any trouble, I'll take you out no problem. And that's a threat, so don't try nothin' funny." Zack raised his hands submissively. "My name's Yuffie, by the way," she finished, holding her hand out across the truck for Zack to shake, which he did.

"Zack," he replied.

A second later, that thoughtful sort of frown made its way back onto her face. "You seem familiar…"

"Do I?" Zack watched her just as thoughtfully. "Hmm, well, I can't remember ever meeting you before."

She glared critically at him, before an abrupt shrug washed it all away. "Oh well. I've ransacked plenty of—I mean, met plenty of people, so who knows, maybe we just saw each other in passing. Or maybe it's just the sword."

"The sword?" Zack asked, reaching back over his shoulder to grip at the handle of Angeal's buster sword.

"Yeah, I know a guy—well, he's my boss now I guess—who has a thing for big swords. Hey, that harness, were you in SOLDIER?" She leaned forward over the truck again, Zack aware that she was trying to get a better look at his eyes. "You were! Ya know, I didn't much care for SOLDIERS because Shinra, duh, but now I work with a whole bunch of em' and they're not too bad."

"You work with SOLDIERS?" Zack was reasonably curious.

"Sometimes, sure. I mean, with Shinra caput, it's pretty dangerous getting mail around, so SOLDIERS make good delivery guys since they can take on monsters and stuff. Hey! Are you looking for a job? I know it's pretty hard for guys like you to get jobs these days, so I can put a word in with the bossman if you want."

"Oh, no, that's okay," Zack said quickly. "Maybe someday, but I got some… business to take care of before I can think about getting a full time gig."

"Okay." She shrugged, once again grinning as she headed along the side of the truck to the driver's side door. "Put your sword in the back with the boxes," she issued as she climbed inside, Zack disarming himself and setting the heavy weapon down beside what looked like a giant shuriken.

"Is that your shuriken?" he asked as he climbed into the passenger side beside her, just as she was starting the engine.

"Yup! I'm the best ninja to come out of Wutai ever, didn't you know?"

Zack wasn't sure if she was being serious or not, so he just offered up an agreeing smile.

"That's what I mean if you try to pull any funny business. SOLDIER or not, I'll stick it to ya!" She raised her fist in his direction, managing to look much less threatening than she was probably intending.

"I'm not gonna pull any funny business, don't worry," he assured.

Nodding, she put the truck rather harshly into gear before making a tight turn out of the drive and taking off through the small town. They passed his parent's house on the way out, Zack frowning at the sight of it before comforting himself with the thought that he wasn't on the run anymore. He could take the time to send them letters and, after finding Cloud, come back to visit all he wanted.

"So," Yuffie started after a few minutes of silence, Zack turning to look her way. "If you ain't lookin' for a job and you're headed anywhere, what exactly are you up to?"

Zack chuckled a bit. "Uh, I'm searching for someone, actually."

"Searching for someone? Like, hunting someone down?"

"Ah, not exactly. We were separated some years ago and now I'm just… looking for them… anywhere." He didn't exactly want to go into a whole lot of detail. That would require revealing a lot of personal history and he wasn't the least bit interested in doing that with a stranger. Not after everything he and Cloud had been through.

"And you have no idea where they are? Anywhere? In the whole world?" she asked, her nose curling as if she were baffled by the whole thing.

Zack released a short laugh. "No. But I know a few places I could start."

She cast him an inquiring eye.

"I think I'm going to start in Nibelheim," he admitted.

"Nibelheim…" She hummed thoughtfully, before going stiff with tension and whipping around to face him. "Did you know that the whole town of Nibelheim was burned to the ground? But then _Shinra_ covered it up by rebuilding the whole thing and hiring actors to live there and pretend to be the people that had died?!"

Zack's eyebrows rose just a bit. "Uh, I do know that," he admitted. "Is that, like, common knowledge now?"

"I dunno about common knowledge, but people keep on digging up all kinds of Shinra secrets these days—underground labs, monetary stockpiles. It's totally insane how bad Shinra was, you know? And people still have the nerve to talk bad about Wutai." She stuck out her tongue in disgust.

Zack, on the other hand, could only marvel at the way the world had changed.

"But hey, why Nibelheim?" she asked a second later.

"You sure ask a lot of questions."

She glared at him. "I'm givin' you a free ride." As if that somehow justified her nosiness.

"Well, what about you?" Zack asked, deciding to try and turn the conversation around. Nibelheim and his reasons for going there were, again, too personal. He had no desire to discuss what the place meant to him, or the trauma he'd gone through while there. "You're not a SOLDIER, but here you are, doing a dangerous job."

"I can hold my own just fine," she rebuked, a hint of defensiveness in her voice. "You'd be shocked at the things I've seen and done. Huge things. Impressive things. World-shattering things. I don't need mako enhancements to be dangerous and tough."

"Alright, alright, I didn't mean anything by it," Zack replied. "You just mentioned that your boss hires SOLDIERS for a reason, so I was curious as to how you ended up here."

She hummed. "Well, I got the skills to do this job. Besides, I'm a materia hunter when we really get down to it, and this job makes enough dough to support my hunting. Hey!" She turned to him with a bright smile. "You got any materia?"

Zack frowned. "No," he lied, deciding it was probably best not to mention the strangely colored materia he'd found upon waking outside Gongaga. He still wasn't sure what it did, but it seemed like it'd be good luck to keep it. Which was why it was safely stored in the small pack he carried with him. A pack he'd now keep especially close at all times.

"Oh." Yuffie's mood immediately dropped. "Too bad."

"Sorry. I haven't used materia in years." Not a lie, even if he hadn't been aware of the fact until recently.

"That's kinda strange. All the SOLDIER guys on payroll use materia."

"I've been sort of… retired, for a while," Zack decided. "I'm not saying I wouldn't use it, given the chance."

"I got some I might be willing to sell ya, if you're interested." She grinned.

"Uh, thanks, but I don't really have much money, so…"

She frowned again. "I hadn't realized you were a total hobo. What do you have?"

"Hey!" Zack pouted. "I'm not a hobo…"

"Are you homeless?"

"That's not the point!"

"Sure, whatever."

"Do _you_ have a house? Huh?"

"I do! In Wutai!"

"Yeah, right."

"I do!"

Zack eyed her critically.

"I… live with my Dad… when I'm there. Which is still better than being homeless!"

"I was living with my parents just before now too! So if I'm homeless, you're homeless!"

"I'm not homeless!"

"Me neither!" Arms crossing over his chest, Zack huffed and turned away. While Yuffie growled and hunched over the steering wheel. They remained silent for maybe a full minute, before Yuffie turned to him again.

"Like I said," she started, sounding altogether too superior, "if you need a job, my boss feels pretty bad for you sad-sack SOLDIERS."

"I said I don't need a job," Zack replied petulantly. "And we're not sad-sacks. Sounds like your boss is just in need of our particularly useful skillset."

Yuffie was not impressed. "I think he just feels bad for you guys."

"Or… he's just a great man, you know, in general."

"No, he's definitely just a weirdo."

It was Zack's turn to growl.

"But hey!" Yuffie said a second later, all trace of bad humor vanishing to be replaced by a broad grin, all of which hit Zack like whiplash. "If Nibelheim is where you're headed, I got a guy who can give you a lift there. Nibelheim and Rocket Town are his territory."

"Really? That'd be great!"

"Right?! The mail hub is at the Golden Saucer, which is where we're goin' now. Vince should be just a few days longer in getting there, so I'll send him a message about you and when he gets there, you can head off with him."

"Sounds like a plan," Zack said, once again smiling as well. "You said his name is Vince?"

"Well, I call him Vince, but only because it bothers him. You'd be better off calling him Vincent. He can be a bit prickly, but he's not a bad guy. Weird, definitely weird, but, you know, a lot of my friends are _super_ weird. Like you!"

"I'm not weird…"

"You're definitely weird."

Well…

Maybe she had a point.

_9 Years ago_

"Alright," Angeal said sternly. "What's going on?"

Relieved despite himself that Zack was gone, Cloud released a heavy breath. No, having Angeal lording over him wasn't much better, but it was definitely preferable to having them both there. He knew… He knew he was hurting Zack's feelings at that point, but he just…

He couldn't tell him. Especially not after what had just happened. It only proved all the more that he wasn't deserving of Zack. That he was weak and helpless. Time was all he needed. Soulmates weren't guaranteed to end well—he had to make sure he was good enough before he told Zack.

He had to give himself the best chance possible…

"It's just these three guys that keep harassing me," Cloud replied. "They got what they wanted, so it doesn't matter now."

"Strife, I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully," Angeal started, his severe tone drawing Cloud's gaze. "I don't care what you think or what excuses you have—if I ask you question, you answer it."

Sinking back in the bed, Cloud gulped and gave a weak, apologetic nod. "I was in the library studying. They must have seen me leave because they surrounded me in the stairwell. One of them came up from the floor below, another one came down from above, and the third one followed me. I… I tried not to get into a fight because… because we were already in trouble. But they wouldn't let me pass. They just kept… saying stupid shit. Sorry, Sir, saying stupid stuff. And I knew if I didn't try to get away, I wasn't going to. So I… I punched one of them, hoping I could get by him, but they pulled me back and… and I don't remember a lot that happened after that. I just know that—that they beat me pretty bad."

Angeal nodded. "Continue."

Right, okay. Probably best to just tell the truth.

"I was… I was afraid I'd get into even more trouble if someone found me. But most of the restrooms are public and—and I just…" He released a heavy sigh. "I used the hood of my sweatshirt to try and cover up the worst of it, before I went to the elevator and… and went up to Zack Fair's apartment. I was just going to try and use his bathroom to clean up and then leave. Obviously, that's not what happened."

Once again staring down at the sheets, he ignored the way his heart beat nervously in his chest as he waited for Angeal's inevitable response.

"I'm going to make a few things clear here and now," he eventually said, his tone practically forcing Cloud to look up at him. "First off, if you're ever injured for any reason, you report to medical. There's no excuse to do otherwise. Secondly, you don't hide anything. I don't care what you think your reasons were, that sort of behavior does not fly under my command. Now you _and_ Zack are in trouble because both of you decided to break the rules. What that has shown me is that _you_ have no problem trying to deceive others to your own ends and that _Zack_ clearly cannot be trusted with the responsibilities he's been given."

"Wait, no, please," Cloud begged, not even bothering to hide the desperation in his voice. "Zack's only been trying to help me. I—I know he shouldn't have given me his keycard, but—but you have to know he only did it because his—his—his heart is clearly bigger than his brain."

Angeal cocked a single eyebrow.

"Not that he's not smart," Cloud quickly corrected. "He is. He's just—He's…"

"Enough," Angeal waved a dismissive hand. "I don't need a summary of Zack's vices and virtues."

Right. Because Angeal knew Zack way better than Cloud did.

How had he let this become such a mess? And now Zack was in trouble too?

This was all his fault.

"Who were the three that cornered you in the stairwell?" Angeal asked.

"Um, they were…" Cloud tried to stay focused. "I don't know their last names. Rich, Victor, and Allen. Two of them are in Hand-to-Hand with me and one of them is in Sword Basics."

"What is your history with them?"

"Just, um, I guess they just… don't like me? I don't really know. We were all in boot camp together. They've been picking fights with me since then."

"And you always retaliate?"

Cloud swallowed hard. "Yes…"

Angeal hummed. "You need to stop. I know it goes against whatever adolescent pride all teenagers have, but if someone is picking fights or breaking the rules, you need to report them to the correct channels. That means going to your hall monitor or your direct superior."

"Yes, Sir…"

"And… if they do corner you somewhere, at least have the sense _not_ to throw the first punch. It's a lot harder to defend your situation if you're the one who started it. Granted, they clearly went way over the line in their response, but if you start it, it's that much harder for them to be punished properly without you also having to go through the same punishment."

Somewhat surprised by his words, Cloud gaped, uncertain what to say.

"The kind of behavior that was exhibited toward you would normally result in severe reprimands the likes of which you have not yet heard of. And if it was proven that they were trying to kill you—which isn't inconceivable given the circumstances—then they're facing immediate discharge and sentencing via the law. But because you started it, that puts you on the chopping block too."

Expression breaking despite himself, Cloud hung his head and tried not to give in to the wave of hopeless emotion threatening to overtaken him.

"As things are, we have a few options. We can take the official investigation all the way through and get them the proper punishments they deserve, while at the same time risking your own career. Or you can decide not to push this all the way and instead default to me to administer what punishments I'm allowed. Which isn't much beyond what's already in place. I can give them a few more Sundays of clean-up, but beyond that, I have to file an official report." Taking a deep breath, he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "This is what I'm talking about when I say you need to follow the rules. You do what you're supposed to do and there's a lot more I can do for you than if you choose otherwise. Understand?"

Cloud nodded.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to push through an investigation," he said quickly, a response that didn't appear to surprise Angeal in the least.

Nodding, Angeal stood in thoughtful silence, before stepping back and sitting down in one of the chairs off to the side of the bed. Unsure what to think, Cloud looked back and forth between him and the sheets, feeling as if he were waiting for the final shoe to drop.

"I'm going to have Zack give back your elevator pass," he eventually said, elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "Whenever possible, you're to avoid going into isolated locations. That means stairwells, back rooms, private bathrooms, so on. If someone orders or asks you to go to such places—no matter how innocent—you're to tell them that you can't because of strict orders from General Angeal Hewley. You don't need to tell them why, only that they're to defer to me on the subject no matter how menial. If you are approached by any of the three that assaulted you following today, you're to report it to me immediately. If I'm unavailable, you're to report it to Zack. If neither of us are available, you report it to my secretary as Code 724. Do you understand?"

Cloud wanted to claim that this seemed like a bit of an overreaction, but Angeal's previous sternness stopped him. Instead, he just nodded, muttering a nearly inaudible "Yes, Sir," as he did.

"I realize this is the military and that we're all expected to risk our lives just by being here, but I'm not about to allow one of our own to be assaulted or harassed by his peers. That's unacceptable."

Cloud nodded again, this time silently.

"Lastly," he said, his tone going a bit darker, "you need to tell Zack the truth."

Caught off guard, Cloud whipped around to stare at him fully, both startled and a little bit scared.

"I know why you're refusing to say anything to him," he continued, something in his voice becoming defensive. Protective, maybe. "But he doesn't deserve that. Frankly, neither do you. I don't know why you're hiding it, nor do I care. And I realize it's none of my business. But as Zack's friend— _not_ as his superior—if you don't tell him, I will."

Cloud could feel all the color draining from his face, jittery nerves starting to skim across his skin.

"Despite you hiding the truth, he's clearly already attached to you. Which means the longer you lie to him—"

"I'm not—"

"You are," Angeal snapped. "You're lying to him. And the longer you do so, the more complicated it's going to be when he finally does figure it out."

Releasing a shaky breath, Cloud put his attention back down on the bed.

"Zack thinks very highly of you, whether it's justified or not," he said lastly. "Don't turn that faith into foolishness."

His heavy gaze remained on Cloud a bit longer, before he stood. Without another word, he turned away. Cloud watched him leave from behind lowered lashes, the stress he was harboring only releasing once he was alone. Yet, even with the shadow of Angeal Hewley removed, he was still weighed down by everything else. On top of being utterly exhausted.

He'd been given pain meds, but they were hardly enough to sate everything that had been done to him. Leaning back, he allowed himself to sag against the mattress, Angeal's final words layering a bit of guilt on top of everything else.

Hurting Zack wasn't his intention. And even though Angeal claimed Zack was becoming "attached," Cloud was doubtful. For one, he hardly knew Zack. Second, he was quite positive that he'd been more of a burden on Zack of late than anything else. He'd never been particularly friendly and now he was just some weakling in need of help every other day. From a First Class, who definitely had better things to do.

Just thinking about it made him nauseous with shame. That, and the fact that he would have to tell Zack the truth. If he didn't, then Angeal would, and while he didn't like the fact that he was being backed into a corner (again), he also didn't want the truth to come from someone else's mouth.

What was he even supposed to say to Zack? Especially after everything that had just happened. "Hey, I know I bled all over your apartment, got you into trouble, and generally can't take care of myself, but we're soulmates. Sorry for the disappointment."

Well, that'd certainly be a first sentence to remember.

Groaning, Cloud closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about this. Or about what else had happened or what needed to be done about it. His whole body ached horribly and he was just… so tired.

He laid in bed for some time, fading in and out of consciousness. It was hard to find sleep due to the pain continuing to echo through his body, as Cloud generally didn't have a hard time sleeping in foreign environments. His throbbing headache didn't help either.

When the door to his room eventually opened, he heard the clicking of the latch. He almost opened his eyes, just to see who it was. But then the thought of Zack checking in on him caused him pause. Feigning sleep, he waited, aware that whoever else was in the room had approached the bed.

"Asleep, huh."

He was right. Zack was standing beside him, which inspired him to continue pretending. Truth be told, he wouldn't mind seeing Zack. Talking to him even, if the situation was different. He liked Zack. A lot. But Angeal's ultimatum rang in his thoughts, keeping him quiet. He wasn't ready to deal with the truth, not then. Everything hurt so badly and he was just so tired.

He did almost flinch when he felt the tips of Zack's fingers brush his forehead, gently pushing aside his bangs. But though his heart beat fast, he was confident nothing else would have given him away. Not like a blush would be evident beneath all the bruising and swollen skin.

"You really can sleep through just about anything," Zack muttered, sounding further away now. Like he'd backed up. Cloud heard him sit down in one of the chairs shortly after. "I'm kinda jealous, actually. I have such a hard time sleeping, ever since I was a kid. Maybe you're stealing all my sleep, yeah?"

It was an idea that wouldn't have hit so hard were it not for the fact that Cloud knew the truth—that he was Zack's other half. It seemed almost poetic in that sense, that maybe he was stealing the sleep that Zack couldn't get. Poetic, but also kind of sad.

Why did he have trouble sleeping, he wondered.

"Are you actually allowed to sleep?" he asked a second later, sounding concerned. "I thought you had a concussion. Well, I guess if you weren't allowed, one of the doctors would have said something by now."

Was he really that worried?

It was… sweet.

"Angeal told me what you told him, about what happened. I'll just… leave your elevator pass on top of your clothes, for whenever you're released. You'll get why it's here when you wake up, or whatever…"

He sounded… sad. Or reserved, maybe.

"I had kind of hoped you'd be awake, but you probably need to rest." He shifted in his seat—Cloud could hear it, even if he couldn't figure out what he was doing. "Not that you'd talk to me," he added bitterly. "I really can't figure you out, man. Like, are you mad at me? I thought we were getting along okay, to be honest. Do you blame me for what happened? Because I took your pass?"

 _No_.

"I wish you'd just say so, if that's the case. Then I could apologize or whatever." He shifted again. "I feel like I'm hitting a roadblock with you. One second I think we're cool and then you're still refusing to talk to me. Which kind of sucks. I know we don't know each other that well, but I think you're a cool person. You're pretty funny, even when you're just using emojis. And you're clearly driven, which I think we have in common. And you don't take shit from anyone. Well, you try not to, even if it gets you beat up, which I think is admirable, and kind of stupid. But, like, I take shit from _everyone_. I act all tough and stuff, but Angeal always used to tell me that I was too much of a puppy. That I was a people-pleaser, you know? Always trying to do what everyone wanted.

"I dunno, I just think it's cool that you're not like that. You don't give a shit what anyone thinks."

 _I care about what everyone thinks_.

 _Especially you_.

"Maybe Angeal was right—maybe I was getting too hopeful about you or something. I really do think you have what it takes to be in SOLDIER, but he's right, I did fuck up by giving you my keycard. I never shoulda done that. I think I just… got ahead of myself. Thinking that, like, you were definitely going to make SOLDIER, so it was fine if I treated you like a SOLDIER. Or something. Like it was okay if you broke the rules. I don't know. It's stupid, because I really don't know you that well.

"But I really want to trust you. Maybe I thought you could be like me, you know? Rise up through the ranks fast like I did, so I wouldn't be this perfect golden boy anymore. To be honest, it really sucks sometimes, so it'd be cool to have someone else, you know? Like, maybe we coulda been friends or something."

_I want to be your friend, but…_

"It's stupid. Ugh, I'm always like this. Angeal tries to warn me, but I never catch on until it's too late. Maybe I just thought, hey, this guy looks pretty lonely and we're kinda similar, and I'm lonely a lot too, so maybe we could be friends or something. But it's not like I can make you be friends with me. You obviously don't want to be, so I guess I should take a hint." He sighed. "I should have taken a hint from the beginning, but I can be pretty bull-headed. Maybe this is what Angeal means when he says I can be a bit overwhelming for people."

 _You're not overwhelming. You're perfect_.

"Oh well. Can't win em' all."

 _Just give me a little time_.

"Anyway, I'll stop babbling and let you rest. Not that you're bothered. Jeez, you really are a heavy sleeper." Cloud could hear that he'd stood. "Get better, alright? And, uh, I'll back off from now on. I mean, I'll be around if you need help with anything, but, like, I'll just hold myself back some, you know? Hopefully that'll work out better."

He was walking away, going to the door.

"See ya around, Spike," he said, right before Cloud heard the door open. It clicked a second later, the air feeling stale and empty as he cracked his eyes open. He looked around, but all was still aside from his own breathing.

Sighing, he stared at the door, unsure if he wanted Zack to come back or not. It was a hard thing to figure, because on one hand, he wanted so badly to be friends with Zack, but he was also terrified to be. Which made him feel guilty. Though Zack was this charismatic, jovial personality, he clearly struggled socially. Which was surprising, as it had never occurred to Cloud that Zack would be… lonely. He's just assumed he had tons of friends.

All Zack had been doing was reaching out to him, wanting to help and befriend him, and Cloud had made it nearly impossible to do both. He kept pushing him away, just like he did everyone. It was easier, he knew, because if he didn't give people a chance, then they couldn't reject him. He wasn't unaware of his social vices. Before coming to Midgar, he might have been, but he'd learned a lot of painful lessons since he'd arrived.

It was just so confusing, Zack being so nice to him. Wanting to be around him, even. It made him entertain ideas that he'd previously refused to even consider. That maybe if he told Zack the truth, it wouldn't be as bad as he'd told himself it would be. Maybe Zack wouldn't be thrilled, but he didn't seem like the type that would just… reject Cloud outright. Even if he was disappointed, he'd… he'd probably still stick around, right? Which would give Cloud time to prove himself.

Zack wanted to be his friend, after all, so that was something. Something he hadn't expected because it'd never happened before. Besides, if he didn't tell Zack soon, then Angeal would. Which meant he had to face the music one way or another.

But what would he even say to him? What words were printed on Zack's arm?

He had to make it something good, right? Something memorable?

Or maybe he should just be direct. Just… say it outright. Rip the bandage off, that kind of thing.

Just thinking about it made his headache worse.

Closing his eyes again, he allowed his thoughts to circle a bit longer, before exhaustion inevitably settled him into sleep. He ended up waking early the next morning feeling even worse, but that wasn't wholly unexpected. He was served breakfast in the medical ward before being discharged and told that he was off-duty for the rest of the week. But, even so, he only skipped classes to rest the first day. Despite his nervousness about seeing Zack again, he marched into class on Thursday. He had to give Zack's keycard back after all, and somehow work up the courage—or make a plan—to tell Zack the truth.

What he hadn't anticipated was distance. Sure, Zack had said he'd back off, but… Cloud hadn't really thought about what he'd meant. He hadn't expected no more eye-contact or special treatment. No more required after-class sessions. No more extra work. Zack didn't even pull him up to the front of the class during Hand-to-Hand, instead picking someone else to do demonstrations and leaving Cloud to flounder to find whoever was unlucky enough to have gotten stuck with him as a partner.

Truth be told, it was horrible. It was like suddenly being thrown out in the rain, left completely on his own. He hadn't even realized how much he'd come to depend on Zack's attention, even if he'd considered it a nuisance. His social anxiety was front and center now, because suddenly he was expected to find partners on his own and figure everything out by himself. Which in turn made approaching Zack all the more intimidating.

Zack wouldn't even look at him half the time, not unless he had to, which left Cloud uncertain how to approach him. If things had been like normal, he'd roll his eyes at Zack's antics and just shove his keycard in his face before marching off. But that was near-impossible now, because just thinking about going up to Zack had his heart in his throat. But he also needed to do it soon, because if Angeal…

Ugh, everything was a mess and it was all his fault.

This anxiety carried him all the way to the weekend, proving all the more how stupidly stubborn he could be. But once he got through his clean-up punishment on Sunday, it'd be a new week. A new week with new expectations. He was still sore and beat-up, but it was better than before. _Everything_ would be better than before once he put all that had happened behind him. Then he could really buck up and talk to Zack face to face. He just needed to clear enough space in his head to deal with it, that was all.

Or maybe he was just continuing to make up excuses.

Faced with this uncomfortable reality, he practically dragged himself to the bottom floor of HQ where he and all his fellow trouble-makers were to meet before heading beneath the plate. Dressed in his uniform with helmet in place, he took the offered rifle waiting to be checked out before lining up at the back of the building. Angeal was already there, standing off to the side talking to another officer. Not wanting to draw his attention, Cloud made himself comfortable in the second row of delinquents and stared down at the ground until everyone had arrived.

As Zack had said, there were at least four-dozen others there as well, all of them no doubt in trouble for one thing or another. Allen, Rich, and Victor were there as well, but given that Angeal was present, they kept their distance, even if they had thrown nasty glares his way. He ignored them, hoping to get through the day without any sort of incident.

Angeal eventually split them all into groups of six, assigning one from each group to be in charge. They then marched from HQ all the way to the train station, filtering into the military car where they were expected to stand at attention the entire ride down.

Cloud stared at the floor most of the time, only looking up when the train was just about to leave the station. And only because Angeal was scolding someone for being late.

That someone was, of course, Zack.

"You're in trouble too," Angeal said strictly, as Zack slid inside just as the door was closing. Like Angeal, he was armed with his huge sword, multiple materia orbs lacing his bracer. "Being late isn't exactly a good way to start any punishment."

"I'm not late," Zack rebuked lightly. "I'm exactly on time. See, the train is leaving." Which was true. Just as he said as much, the train began to pull away, starting their hour journey around the city and down beneath the plate.

"Don't push it," Angeal warned.

Zack held up his hands submissively. "Alright, alright, sorry."

The two of them fell silent following, Angeal standing stoically at the back of the car, carefully watching them all, while Zack made himself comfortable leaning against the wall and staring out the window. Watching him as discreetly as he could, Cloud noted the seriousness etched into his expression, something overly thoughtful lining his small frown.

Was he upset about something? Or was he just unhappy he had to do Sunday punishment, the same as the rest of them? Assuming Zack was there due to the keycard incident, Cloud figured he wouldn't be happy to be there. Just another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things Zack would be displeased with him about.

Tight anxiety once again rising in Cloud's chest, he put his attention back on the floor and refused to look at Zack for the rest of the ride.

As expected, they arrived at the Sector 3 underplate in a little under an hour. Marching off, they followed Angeal and Zack from the station. They made their way through the slum just surrounding the station, before going through a chain-link gate that opened up into what looked like some sort of dump or scrapyard. It was here that Angeal finally called them to a halt, all of them standing strictly at attention as he addressed them.

"This scrapyard is the largest existing under the plate, serving both those living nearby and those living above," he started. "It connects sectors 3 and 4 and is a prime breeding ground for monsters of all kinds. We're here today to take care of that problem before the monsters can make their way into other sectors. We'll spend the day surveying the entirety of the yard, so get comfortable. Stay in your groups and listen to your team leaders. You'll be assigned certain zones within the yard to scout." Zack was already passing out digital maps to each of the team leaders. "If you run into anything strange or out of the ordinary, you radio Zack or I, understood?"

They departed shortly after, Cloud more than happy to simply walk behind as his team leader took over. It wasn't long until they were coming across monsters, mostly gorgers and wererats. The gorgers were the easiest to deal with, because they were angry as soon as they saw the infantry approaching and were happy to attack, which made shooting them in the face simple. The wererats, on the other hand, tended to scurry away, making them difficult to target. They'd inevitably pop out to attack, their close-quarters making them all the more annoying to deal with. The first time one of them bit at Cloud's boots, he found himself wishing he had a sword, as it seemed like that'd be better suited. He lambasted the creature in the face with the butt of his rifle instead, knocking it off kilter before shooting it between the eyes.

The monsters that posed the biggest problems, however, were the occasional doomrats. They were both fast and aggressive, and tended to be more robust in terms of the damage they could take. A few hours into their scouting, their first doormat bit one of Cloud's team members in the arm so hard that Angeal had to come heal him. Needless to say, they were all a bit warier after that.

Generally, though, the day passed with little in the way of entertainment. Taking out the monsters was good practice that Cloud took full advantage of, but it was monotonous at best. Angeal came to check up on them around noon, and then around two, Zack showed up to see how they were doing. It was all business and Cloud tried not to be too hurt over the fact that Zack didn't spare him more than a cursory glance.

It was his own fault, after all.

By around five, Cloud—and his other teammates—were both getting tired and bored, as fewer and fewer monsters were showing up to challenge them. But seeing as it was a punishment, it seemed silly to complain. They weren't supposed to be happy, after all.

"I think there's something over this way," their team leader said some ten minutes later, the six of them having been loitering around doing nothing after having scouted their zone twice over to little payoff. "I think I saw movement."

Readying themselves for combat, they all followed along behind. Down a narrow path between two towering walls of scrap, which opened up into a small clearing filled with steel scraps and junked road-work signs.

"Huh, nothing," their team leader said after the six of them surveyed the area.

"What about this?" another member said, drawing all their attention to the other side of the clearing. Heading over, they all circled around the puddle sitting off to the side of the narrow path.

"What is it? Oil?" a third member asked.

"That's not oil," Cloud said strictly, crouching down to get a better look at the black goop. It was thick—he could see that plain as day—and had a slight green tinge to it. While floating through the liquid were tiny pink chunks of… something. Flesh, maybe.

All that aside, it smelled like death.

"Know what it is?" their team leader asked as he crouched down beside Cloud.

"No…" Cloud curled his lip in disgust. "Something gross, I guess."

"Should we tell the general?" another member asked. "We're supposed to report weird stuff, right?"

"This could be anything," their team leader reasoned. "It's probably not important."

"There's little fleshy bits floating in it!"

"A rat could have left that after eating or something."

"I dunno…"

Rolling his eyes at them, Cloud stared a little longer down at the liquid before remembering Angeal's words from Tuesday. Follow the rules and do things the right way—don't make judgements just because he thinks it's not worth the attention or because it seems insignificant.

While the others continued to debate back and forth about the contents of the puddle, Cloud pulled up his radio.

"General Hewley?" he said into the speaker, waiting for an answer while the rest of his squad fell silent in the advent of his voice. His team leader didn't look pleased, but he ignored them.

"Yes?" was the eventual answer.

"This is Cadet Strife," he clarified. "We were scouting section… 3-2 of our zone and came across some kind of weird liquid. It's black with green shades, looks like it has bits of flesh floating in it, and smells like a dead animal."

There was a bit of crackling on the other side before Angeal answered. "Is there anything else similar in the area?"

Standing, Cloud looked around, which cued the rest of the squad to do much the same. They scoured the ground, before looking the scrap up and down.

"Over here!" one of the members called, all of them flocking to the side of an old crane where streaks of black and green were splattered across the metal.

"There's something similar, yes," Cloud said into his radio. "Streaks on the side of an old crane. And… And it looks like the liquid might be… disintegrating the metal." The paint around it was peeling, the metal itself looking unnaturally sunken.

"Don't touch it," Angeal said swiftly. "I'll send Zack over to investigate."

"I don't know if that's really necessary, Sir," their team leader said into his own radio a second later, causing Cloud to glare at him from under his helmet.

"There's reason to believe something more dangerous has been lurking in the area," Angeal replied. "As I said, Zack Fair will be over to investigate momentarily. Keep your wits about you."

Satisfied that Angeal had taken his side over his team leader's, Cloud ignored the sour look turned in his direction to instead stress about the fact that Zack was going to be showing up at any moment. Yet, rationally, he had nothing to worry about. They were in the middle of a mission, really, and there were five sets of eyes and ears aside. Nothing of a personal nature was likely to come up.

This was what he kept telling himself as Zack finally showed up from the same narrow path they had taken. One of the other members quickly directed Zack to the puddle, which he investigated, before then showing him the streaked crane.

Keeping quiet, Cloud watched with stubbornly pursed lips.

"Angeal?" Zack eventually said into his own radio.

"Yes?"

"The guys from the science department said something about sticky secretion, right?"

A question that alarmed the entire team, Cloud included. Mostly because it was well-known that anything from the science department was bad news. Had some kind of creature escaped into the city?

"They did," Angeal verified. "Does the description fit?"

"It might," Zack said. "I'll investigate further."

"I'd rather you waited," Angeal replied. "I'm on my way over now."

Zack frowned, but conceded. "We'll stay on our guard."

Shortly after, Angeal was giving orders to nearby teams, issuing that they were to converge on section 3-2 of zone 5. The actions being taken had Cloud and his entire team on high alert, the whole affair having become suddenly serious. Zack, meanwhile, kept scanning the area for clues despite Angeal's order. But he kept coming back to the crane, Cloud practically able to see his anticipation in the way he looked it up and down. Like a cat that wanted to jump onto a high pedestal but was uncertain of the success rate, he paced back and forth before the crane.

Within a few minutes, another of the teams had arrived, followed quickly by another. A few more minutes passed then, whispers tossed around in the quiet, until another three teams had converged on the area. Remaining spread out, they formed a semi-circle around Zack, weapons at the ready as he continued to prowl around the crane.

The creaking sound of bending metal put everyone on edge.

Reaching back for the handle of his sword, Zack pulled it out at the ready, before apparently deciding he was tired of waiting for Angeal to arrive. Hopping up on the crane's track, he then gracefully pulled himself on top of the cab. Reaching out, Cloud almost called out to him, his anxiety spiking. But then reason took over. Zack was a first class SOLDIER—whatever it was that lurked in the scrap wouldn't stand a chance against him. And even if it was a bit challenging, three dozen others stood by to back him up.

It'd be fine.

Everything would be _fine_.

Ignoring how his heart fluttered rapidly in his chest, Cloud reminded himself that Zack had taken on a whole-ass dragon by himself. This brought him some comfort, but did little to relieve the tension otherwise.

Crouching down atop the crane, Zack was leaning dangerously forward, as if trying to get a better look into the shadows. Cloud could almost see it, the way he'd be squinting his eyes, lips pooched with determination. Did his eyes glow in the shadows, he wondered? It was something Cloud suddenly found himself wanting—

"Son of a bitch!" Flailing, Zack stumbled back and nearly off the edge of the crane cab. He was vigorously shaking his head, his heel slipping out from under him. If it weren't for his quick reflexes, he'd have toppled hard to the ground. But as the air finally reached out to grab him, he pushed back ever further, landing deftly down beside the crane, knees bending so as to keep him upright.

Gasps had echoed around the clearing otherwise, a few people even stepping back as Zack continued to shake his head. It was as he was reaching up to wipe his eyes that Cloud saw the black ooze that was shading his face. It looked similar to the other liquid they'd been finding, the thought of something harsh enough to erode metal being splashed across Zack's face near enough to send Cloud into a panic.

But before the feeling could take over entirely, the sound of scraping metal and heaviness drew every eye up behind the crane. There, from within the shadows, a huge, looming silhouette emerged, eventually revealing a monster big enough to surpass the height of two grown men combined.

It was a grotesque creature. Like an amalgamation of half decomposed body parts had been fused together to form a lumbering, dripping specimen of hole-filled flesh and tentacles. Beady black eyes rolled around in its lopsided head, while black ooze squeezed from every possible orifice.

A series of swears and yells echoed from one person to the next, quite a few skirting back while others went so far as to turn tail and run back down the narrow path out of the clearing. Yet, a few others unloaded their rifles on the creature, which appeared to have little to no effect.

Cloud, meanwhile, was focused on Zack, who had given up trying to scrub the black liquid from his face and was instead holding his sword out before him, apparently prepared to take on the beast whether he'd been hit or not. But Cloud could tell by the way he was facing the creature that something was off. He wasn't looking at it, but instead tilting his head to the side.

Not seeing, but listening…

The creature had blinded him.

Heart surging into his throat, Cloud readied his own rifle in whatever attempt he could to aid Zack. His hands fumbled if only due to his own rapidly rising worry, while Zack shifted from one foot to another as the creature slithered closer to him.

Given his ailment, however, Cloud should have known that not even a first class stood a chance.

A slimy, pink tentacle was raised up behind the creature's looming frame, what was once a noodle-like appendage stiffening into a point before the newly created spear was darting forward. Like a defensive stinger, the tentacle pierced only quickly, running Zack full through before quickly retracting again.

And just like that, Cloud's entire world shattered.

He could see it in slow motion, the way Zack's body lurched back from the force before crumpling forward. His sword dropped heavily to the ground, clattering loudly in Cloud's ears, while a gargled gasp escaped his throat in tandem with the tentacle, as if the creature itself had pulled the air forcefully from his lungs.

Inside Cloud's chest, his heart came to a full stop, his whole body going numb. Everything else in the world faded to nothing—the shouts of the other soldiers, the approaching monster, all of it was brushed aside as his entire focus zeroed in on Zack.

Zack, who'd fallen to his knees, one hand coming up to grab at the wound that Cloud could already see was bleeding out all over the dirt.

Before he collapsed completely.

Something like a whining gasp might have left Cloud's throat, but he was far too gone to care. Surging forward, he dropped his rifle, unable to even comprehend the idea of self-preservation. His legs burned as they pumped forward, taking him as quickly to Zack's side as he could. Near fast enough that he tried to catch Zack's head before it hit the ground, his whole body sliding down beside his soulmate's as he reached out to him.

"Oh god, Zack," his frantic, panicked voice begged, "please don't die! Please, please don't die!" Trembling, he laid his hands helplessly on Zack's shoulders, eyes scanning for any options he had as far as the gaping hole sitting just beneath Zack's sternum. Despite his shaking, he tried to stopper the blood, red staining his uniform as he vainly put pressure on the wound. But what point was there in that if it went all the way through?

There had to be something else! He had to do something!

Once again flushing his brain with any other option, Cloud stared at the wound helplessly, so focused on it that he hardly noticed the way Zack reached weakly up with one hand. He fumbled at first, before his gloved fingers wrapped around Cloud's wrist.

Something like a gargled laugh left his throat, drawing Cloud's eyes up as blood bubbled up from between his lips and streaked down his chin.

"Found you," Zack whispered, smiling despite the absolute horror surrounding them.

Gritting his teeth, Cloud ignored Zack's sheer stupidity and instead found his gaze tripping on the green materia slotted into Zack's bracer.

Warm green was fire, cool green was ice, bright green was lightening, and lighter green was healing.

Zack had healing materia.

Yanking himself free of Zack's grip, Cloud grabbed his arm, twisting it almost violently to get a better look at the materia. He'd never used materia, but he knew the theory behind its use. His own lifeforce would have to sustain the power, which was why it was dangerous for someone who'd never used materia to utilize mastered materia.

Zack's materia was likely mastered, but Cloud decided he didn't care.

Practically prying the little orb from Zack's bracer, he stared at it only a second before shoving it into the empty materia slot on his own bracer. He could feel the power surging through him almost immediately.

With no regard for caution, he placed his hands over Zack's wounds, closed his eyes, and willed the power of the materia to manifest. He'd learned that it took practice to use materia at all, but he didn't have time for that. Action was needed immediately and so he put as much of himself into the spell as he possibly could. Until he could feel his own strength rapidly depleting, his hands growing warm with numbness.

His heart faltered in his chest, his lungs gasping out as they struggled to work despite all of Cloud's energy and concentration being forced elsewhere.

Opening his eyes again, he found himself surrounded in a world of glowing green. Green that soon began to fade as shadows leaked in from the corners of his eyes.

Pushing one final surge of his limited strength into the spell, his whole body finally cracked under the pressure, before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot happened in that last bit, huh? Wonder what's in store for the next chapter, hmmm? Hu hu hu. 
> 
> I'm really enjoying writing the present day stuff now that Zack is started on his journey. I wonder where he's going to end up and what interesting people he's going to meet. And how's present day Cloud doing, I wonder ;)
> 
> Also, I do have a twitter if anyone wants to follow me there - SKayLanphear, same as here :D


	10. Chapter 10

_Present Day_

Cloud didn't mind most of the Turks. "Most" of them. They had their pasts, of course, which had been a hurdle, but he had his past too. Not like he wasn't to blame for Sephiroth getting meteor which in turn destroyed Midgar. Sure, Tifa oftentimes tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault, but all the people who'd perished because he'd given a weapon of mass destruction over to a psychopath probably felt a little bit different on the subject.

The point was, the Turks had mostly proven that they were willing to turn over a new leaf. He'd even once had a rather intimate talk with Reno over his guilt regarding the sector seven plate. Did it excuse anything they'd done? Absolutely not. But Cloud attempting to do better didn't excuse his wrong-doings either.

All of that aside, he did feel a bit better having the Turks under his thumb as opposed to someone else's. They were dangerous people—people that did, in fact, have questionable ethics. With the world as broken as it was, there wasn't anyone strong or influential enough to really keep an eye on those sorts of people. And while Cloud would like to mind his own business and not worry about it, that was hardly the trajectory his life tended to take. And if it was indeed impossible for him to ignore these problems, then he'd at least like to try and have some bit of control over them.

Thus, the Turks working for him was better than having them off the grid somewhere causing trouble.

Reno was the most annoying, as he was equally defensive (and a dick) as he was distraught. Normally, Cloud wouldn't even touch those issues, but for some reason Reno was always coming to him to talk about them. Something about how Rude had the same issues and neither of them knew what to do about it. And somehow Cloud had become everyone's new dad/therapist?

Sometimes he didn't understand how this was his life.

Tseng, thank god, usually kept to himself. But he did oftentimes check with Cloud more than necessary when it came to making decisions, as he did run the Junon hub. But, then again, that was probably better than the alternative. Elena, to her credit, was about the only one who didn't really want much to do with him. But she also hadn't been in the Turks all that long and didn't wholly relate to the issues plaguing the other three.

Of all of them, however, it was Rude that Cloud minded the least. He was around more often than the others—he had a thing for helping out at the bar—but even so, he had the least to say. When Tifa needed a break, it'd sometimes be both him and Rude cleaning up and very rarely did they say more than two words to each other. It was relieving, really, knowing that he wouldn't be required to chat or indulge in small talk.

Which was why he was all the more surprised when Rude cleared his throat in a very obvious manner, implying that he had every intention of speaking despite also not wanting to. They were standing in the back room of the bar washing dishes, Cloud doing the washing while Rude dried, which allowed Tifa more time to herself after getting Denzel to bed.

Curiously wary, Cloud offered the other man a questioning brow as he side-eyed him.

"You're taking Angeal to Junon," Rude said after an extended pause. "That's what Tifa said."

"Uh, yeah. I have some business to talk over with Tseng, and Reeve is going to meet us there to get Angeal caught up on what he'll be doing."

"He's going to be Reeve's assistant, right?"

"That's the plan." Oh crap, was Rude irritated about that? Had he wanted the job or something? Cloud hadn't even considered the hierarchy within SDS when he'd offered Angeal the job—he hadn't actually thought that anyone would care. "Why, did you want the job?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant about the whole thing.

"No," Rude said quickly, which eased Cloud's nerves. Some days, he was honestly left wondering how SDS had expanded as much as it had (well, he knew Reeve was a big part of it). He'd never really intended to be the CEO of what was becoming a very big company. After all, he didn't exactly have a great history with corporate identities. He'd just seen a need and decided that he could do the job.

But then word had spread and his involvement with Sephiroth, Shinra, and meteor had been exposed, which had made him a dreaded household name (despite his many transgressions, apparently). This had spread word even faster about SDS and, well…

Here he was.

"You're leaving tomorrow morning," Rude continued, his voice rather stilted and stiff.

"Yeah…"

"Right…"

Huffing lightly, Cloud finally turned to Rude. "What is it you want to talk about?" he asked straight. "Neither of us is any good at small talk, so you might as well get to the point." He'd long gotten past of having to be good-humored or patient for the sake of social niceties. That was the one thing about being a "big boss" that Cloud appreciated.

Yet, even with Cloud cutting to the chase, Rude was clearly struggling. He stood with towel and glass in-hand for some seconds longer. Long enough for Cloud to dry his own hands, cross his arms over his chest, and lean his hip against the edge of the sink.

"It's about Tifa," Rude eventually said.

Not what Cloud had been expecting, concern immediately rising through him. "What about Tifa?" he asked quickly.

"It's nothing to be worried about," Rude made clear, which settled Cloud's nerves some. "She's fine, to my knowledge."

"Alright…" So where was this going.

Rude took a deep breath, which made it clear to Cloud that he was nervous about something. A strange development, as Cloud wasn't sure he'd ever seen Rude nervous about anything.

"You and Tifa are close," Rude started after another beat of silence. "Is it too inappropriate for me to ask you how close?"

A question Cloud didn't really know how to respond to. "Well, yeah, given our working relationship, I'd say it is inappropriate."

His response frustrated Rude, who groaned a bit in the back of his throat and turned to the side.

"But I'll put that aside for now," Cloud decided. "Just tell me what this is about."

There was some consideration on Rude's end, but he inevitably decided that pursuing the subject was worth it. "I was never going to attempt to come between you and Tifa," he started, a statement that was surprising unto itself. "I know you two share a… special relationship and history that no one else does. But… when I was talking to her a few days ago, she mentioned that you two were not in a romantic relationship."

That was a lot to unpack for someone like Cloud, who preferred to keep his personal business, well, personal. Probably too personal as far as some people were concerned. But after having lost so much, he was very protective of what he had left.

He also had a pretty good idea of where this was going.

"Do you still have feelings for her?" Cloud asked outright, his blatant reference obviously taking Rude aback. "I overheard you and Reno discussing it way back when," he verified.

This didn't please Rude any, but as any good Turk on a mission would, he persevered.

"Even if you two aren't romantically involved, I didn't want to pursue her without talking to you about it first," he explained. "I suppose that is to say, such clarification doesn't seem to wholly apply to how close the two of you are."

Because Tifa and Cloud's relationship was complicated. It was a marriage without vows. They'd been lovers in love and lovers outside of it. They were raising a child together even though they'd never made any of their own. That was a difficult situation for any person to try and wrap their head around, let alone approach.

"Look," Cloud started, after a few more heavy beats of silence had dragged on between them. "Tifa and I… I don't control her. If you tell her about your feelings and she wants to pursue something with you, then I'm not going to get in the way of that. But…" But Cloud was pretty confident Tifa wouldn't be interested. He didn't say that, but he was fairly certain his tone got the point across. "She's been through a lot," he continued. "It's been hard for both of us to get our lives back together. Introducing new variables into that is…" Well, it was scary. Especially for Tifa. Cloud had long accepted that his life was never going to be normal. Frankly, he'd never wanted it to be, even as a kid. But Tifa was different. She was happy with a simple life without complications. She didn't like conflict even when she rose to the occasion to fight the battles that needed to be fought. She preferred when things were going as expected and didn't like when disruptions messed with her daily life.

Cloud was the one that had left Nibelheim to try and be a hero. She, on the other hand, had left Nibelheim on the back of her teacher as their home had burned behind them, only to come to Midgar and lose everything she'd worked for all over again.

Frankly, the situation would have to be of a significant nature to even budge her into consideration.

"I know," Rude said quietly. "If you think it's a bad idea, then I won't tell her. You know her much better than I do."

"I'm not saying don't tell her," Cloud said, trying to sound a little gentler despite the fact that Rude likely wouldn't appreciate being treated with kid-gloves. "Just… be prepared for her response. Her luck in romance hasn't been altogether great." Not like Cloud had been a winning lottery ticket when they had been together.

If he was being honest, he'd been a bit much for Tifa. She'd fought for him, of course, but her timid shyness had allowed him to get away with his own issues for a lot longer than either of them had deserved. Even to that very day, he had to remind himself to have a willingness to be open with her, even as she was likely pushing herself to, well, push him.

"I suppose that's partially my fault," Rude admitted. Which only served to confuse Cloud. "I knew… I've known for years that she… That her and I…"

It took a moment, but the implication behind his words did eventually sink in.

"Are you her soulmate?" Cloud asked, unable to hide all of his protective anger despite how he tried. After all, being frustrated with Rude then wasn't going to undo the years of turmoil the entire concept of a soulmate had caused Tifa.

Though he clearly didn't want to, Rude turned his arm up so Cloud could get a look at the words printed there. Words Cloud had always politely avoided when they'd otherwise been exposed.

" _Don't touch me, Shinra asshole!_ " was what it said.

Thankfully, Cloud was able to hold back the snorting chuckle that wanted so desperately to escape him.

"It was years and years ago," Rude verified. "Before I was in the Turks, when I was just an infantry soldier. I was working a shift at the train station in Sector 7. There was some kind of scuffle—I don't remember now—and I tried to intervene. I wanted to get her out of the way of it all, as she wasn't directly involved. But clearly she hadn't been interested."

"And you decided not to tell her?"

"I lost her in the crowd," Rude corrected. "Shortly after, I was stationed elsewhere. It wasn't until we encountered you guys on the pillar years later that I came across her again."

"So that's why you were always holding back on her," Cloud realized.

"The situation wasn't exactly ideal."

"Staying silent on the subject didn't help," Cloud pointed out. "Do you remember what the first thing is that you said to her?"

Rude pursed his lips. "No. I don't."

"'Excuse me,'" Cloud said simply. "She's had 'Excuse me.' printed on her arm her whole life. Not exactly beneficial for someone who works in customer service." Or anyone for that matter.

The sound that came out of Rude's throat was akin to an aggravated growl.

"Look," Cloud said a second later. "I can't tell you how she's going to react to this. I do know that you _have_ to tell her. If you don't, I will."

"I have every intention of telling her," Rude rebuked, his words sounding rather short. "I don't need to be lectured."

"Clearly, you do. It's taken you this long."

Another growl. "I just wanted to pass the information by you before I brought it up to her. I thought that was the only decent thing to do."

Which… Cloud supposed he could appreciate. "That's fine. You have my blessing or whatever in telling her. Just… don't expect a positive response."

"I'm not."

"Are you planning to tell her after I leave?"

"I was hoping, actually, that you'd be here when I told her," Rude admitted. "I assume she's going to need you here."

Reasonable. Cloud couldn't say that Rude wasn't thoughtful. "I'll try to get back from Junon with a few days to spare before my next delivery. Wait until then."

Rude nodded.

Cloud, meanwhile, took a deep breath and turned back to the dishes. While he knew that Tifa absolutely needed and deserved to know the truth, he wasn't looking forward to the emotional upheaval that would follow. Granted, Tifa was pretty good at taking in heavy news on the surface, but deep down she was oftentimes conflicted and upset. And as one of the few people that did know such things about her, he had to be there to help her deal with the worst of it.

Maybe he should ask Barret and Marlene to visit too. Barret and Tifa had known each other a long time, Barret one of the only other people that really understood her. He didn't always have patience with her indecisiveness, but in this situation, Cloud knew he'd be more understanding. And maybe he'd be able to provide the straightforward advice that would have Cloud floundering.

What he really needed…

Was Zack.

If Zack were alive, he'd have long become one of Tifa's friends. He'd be able to bring a simple kind of comfort where others could generally find none.

Or maybe Cloud knew he was in for a situation that aligned with his weaknesses, therefore having Zack around to deal with it would be easier on everyone.

The whole situation had him thinking of Zack far more than he would have liked, everything about it hitting too close to home. Angeal staying with them didn't help either, as he served as a reminder of the past that both of them had lost. By the time he and Rude finished the dishes, Cloud had a full-on headache.

He headed up to his room after Rude left, not sure if he was glad Tifa was already asleep or not. Then again, maybe it didn't matter. Closing his door behind him, he found himself totally alone as he went to his desk and sat down. Flicking on the light, he sat doing nothing for some time, before eventually pulling his arm up from the shadows.

His soulmark was wrapped, something he hadn't done in years. It was common to see, as plenty of people preferred to keep their soulmarks private. But Cloud had made a habit of wearing gloves so often that he'd never thought much of it when people had ended up seeing it. But now that there were two…

Well, he hadn't wanted to answer anyone's prying questions.

Slowly, he unwrapped his arm until the text was visible. Which only made his stomach turn, the vibrancy of the new mark so in contrast with the faded letters of the old that it appeared to him like it was trying to overtake that which had been there first. Which in turn made him angry. But no matter how frustrated he was by the whole thing, the new mark wouldn't go away.

Doing his best to push back on the heavy emotion that was trying to crawl its way up his chest, Cloud instead found himself with a black marker in-hand. More focused on trying not to feel than anything else, he slowly began to trace the faded letters he'd spent so much of his life with, carefully darkening each word until the entire sentence was as vibrant as the new mark.

He then took the thick edge of the marker and dragged it across the second mark until it was nothing but a black smudge.

All that was left were the original words. Were Zack's words.

It'd been so long…

Taking a shaky breath, he blinked back at the tears threatening to streak down his cheeks in favor of some self-ridicule. What was he even doing, marking up his arm like some petty teenager? He should be thankful, right? He had _two_ soulmates.

Bullshit. It was all such bullshit. He didn't want two soulmates.

He just…

He wanted everything that he already knew was lost forever.

_9 Years Ago_

Instinctively, Zack wanted to surge forward. But even as his eyes fluttered open, he found that to be impossible. There was something like dizzy nausea assaulting his head, but that didn't stop him from struggling against whatever it was that held him in place.

The room was bright, initially so bright that he couldn't see. But soon it all faded into view, the sterile whiteness that surrounded him a far cry from the scrapyard he'd been in previously. He flicked his gaze from the fluorescents of the ceiling to the beeping machines beside him, then finally to the bed upon which he laid. Straps held him down at both his arms and ankles.

Taking a few deep breaths, he relaxed and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Thankfully, his sharp mind didn't take long in figuring it out. Scrapyard, where he'd been attacked. Blinded, then impaled. Definitely thought he was gonna die, but then…

Then…

"My soulmate…" he murmured to himself. They'd been there, with him. They'd said those words right above him—the words he'd been waiting his whole life to hear. But…

But he'd been blinded and falling unconscious. He hadn't seen them, nor could he remember much of their voice beyond their few frantic words. And as far as what had happened after that, he had no idea. But he could deduce that he was in the medical ward—he'd been there often enough to recognize the pale whiteness of everything. As far as why he was strapped down, well, that was likely so he didn't wake up and break anything with his SOLDIER strength. It was pretty normal to strap down SOLDIERS when they came unconscious to the medical ward.

What had happened to his soulmate? What had happened in general, for that matter?

 _Who_ was his soulmate?

If they were there during the fight, then they had to be among the group of soldiers being disciplined. Which likely made his soulmate a "he," though he wasn't going to assume, naturally.

Not that any of that mattered. He'd made sure to say something plenty memorable upon hearing those words, as he'd been planning to do for years. There was no way his soulmate didn't know they were meant to be, so it'd only be a matter of time before they came to see him. Maybe they'd even visit him in the hospital, or send him flowers, or—

"Oh, you're finally awake." It was a nurse who spoke, Zack not even having realized she'd come into the room. Not that this should be surprising. Based on how blurry she looked, he had to be on some top notch drugs. "I'll go get the doctor."

"Wait!" Zack called, blinking away some of his nausea as he did. "Is there anyone here? Here for me, I mean? Waiting?"

There was a slight pause before the nurse answered. "General Hewley has come to see you every day… Just sit tight, okay? While I go get the doctor."

She was gone a second later, Zack internally frustrated. He didn't care about Angeal. Well, he _cared_ about Angeal, but, like, that wasn't who he wanted to be thinking about. He didn't know who he wanted to be thinking about, but he definitely knew it wasn't Angeal.

"Ah, hello, Zack." It was a female doctor, though Zack's vision was still a bit too blurry for him to make out her face. He knew she was shining something bright in his eyes, before she moved to the monitors that he assumed he was hooked up to (he'd been through this quite a few times). "Do you know how long you've been unconscious?"

"No, but hey, do you—"

"It's been a week," she said simply, which did cause Zack some pause.

"A week?" he asked weakly, thinking it over only quickly. "Wow, I must have really gotten close to full-blown dying, huh."

She hummed in displeasure. "You SOLDIERS are all the same—never taking danger seriously. That wound in your abdomen should have killed you. Would have killed anyone else. But lucky for you that cure spell gave you enough time to get here."

Cure spell?

"Normally magic wouldn't do anything for this sort of wound, but it did manage to keep you closed up enough to get in here for surgery. It was still touch and go though, for a while."

"But I'm good now, right?"

"'Good' is subjective. Your mako enhancements may speed up the healing process, but you'll be in recovery for quite some time yet."

Zack sighed. "Lame."

"Based on the fact that you're not looking at me, I'm going to assume you can't see me properly, so I'll tell you to your face that I'm rolling my eyes."

Zack managed a short laugh, which echoed up his whole body. There was no pain, though. He was way too drugged up for that. But he did suddenly feel as though he was floating on top of a pool of water, which was more disconcerting than it was comforting.

"I'll call General Hewley and let him know you're awake," she said a second later.

"Hey, wait. Has there been anyone else? Anyone besides Angeal that's been coming to see me?"

Another thoughtful pause, similar to the one the nurse had exhibited. "I'm not sure," she eventually replied. "I'll have to check the logs."

"Alright…" Zack didn't bother hiding his disappointment.

"I'll call the general." She was gone a second later, but Zack wasn't left to his own devices for long. Two nurses came in a few minutes later and helped him to sit up, the bed bending behind him until he could take in the room fully. They also removed the restraints, which was a nice bonus. Not that he had much in the way of energy for moving. Thankfully, the room came a bit more into focus once he was sitting up, though the dizziness did become more acute alongside it, which had him closing his eyes.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before Angeal showed up as he was kind of fading in and out the whole time. Having Angeal there gave him something to focus on, however, so it was easier to stay in the moment.

"Hey, there," he said as Angeal came up to stand beside the bed. "Long time no see, or so I hear."

Angeal was already frowning. "You were in really rough shape there for a while," he said, voice oddly quiet. "You were only moved out of the ICU yesterday."

"I was? Didn't know." He took a deep breath, which came out shakier than he would have liked.

"I told you to wait for me, didn't I?" Angeal scolded. "Why don't you ever listen?"

"I listen…"

Closing his eyes, Angeal visibly forced himself to be patient before looking down at Zack once again. "You almost died. For real this time. Do you have no sense of self-preservation? Frankly, I don't know how you survived this—a blow like that would have killed any SOLDIER easily, and they definitely wouldn't have been able to cast a cure spell on themselves before passing out."

A claim that caused Zack considerable confusion, his thoughts slowly coming together. "Cure? I definitely didn't do that."

"What do you mean? That's what your medical file says—that you came in with cure residue in the wound and that it's the only reason you survived."

"Well, it wasn't me. Shouldn't you know? The doc says it's been a week—shouldn't you have the full incident report by now?"

It was a question that caused Angeal to visibly sour. Scowling, he shifted his weight, which was more than enough for Zack to realize he was irritated about something.

"I haven't gotten the full report," Angeal admitted. "It's being kept under lock and key by the R&D Department. I didn't even know how badly you'd been injured until I was checking in with medical after Sephiroth and I took the monster down."

Zack gaped. "You had to call Sephiroth?"

"I spent a good amount of time trying to deal with it myself, but the thing had regenerative properties on top of everything else. Sephiroth and a whole squad of second class came in to assist. All the while you and anyone else that was injured were being taken back up to HQ by medical. So aside from what I could gather myself, I don't know anything about what happened on your end."

Frowning, Zack settled back into place. "So what was that thing, then? If R&D is keeping everything secret, then it really must have escaped from one of their labs. But how in the world did it get all the way down beneath the plate? It was huge!"

"I don't think it escaped from the lab," Angeal said darkly. "Sephiroth mentioned something about Hojo storing mako specimens in reactors. It might have escaped from Sector 3 or 4's reactor and made a home in the junkyard."

"How is that even allowed?"

Angeal waved off the question. "Hojo's experiments are above my paygrade, whether I agree with what he's doing or not."

"But if that's true, the whole city could be in danger."

"I know. Which is a point I'll bring up when I finally get access to the incident files. Because I _will_ get access to them. Sephiroth wants access as well, so that should speed everything along."

"I want to see them too," Zack said seriously, which had Angeal nodding.

"But until then, you need rest. You have a considerable recovery ahead of you." He sounded very strict as he spoke, much less like a general and more like an older brother or father. Which did humor Zack some, and gave him the go-ahead to relax. Angeal—and Sephiroth for that matter—would take care of everything. They'd get the incident report, which would explain what happened when Zack had passed out (there had been plenty of eyewitnesses). He wasn't sure how he'd ended up with a hit of cure, but he was thankful. Especially now that he knew his soulmate was so close by.

He considered bringing up as much to Angeal—what had happened before he'd gone unconscious—but before he could, the doctor came in to interrupt.

"You know he's only allowed ten minutes per visitor," she said strictly, casting Angeal the sort of severe eye that very few others would dare.

"Right, of course," Angeal agreed, before turning his attention back to Zack. "Don't do anything stupid and listen to the doctors," he said, reaching out and laying his hand affectionately on Zack's hair. "You're still not totally in the clear."

"Sure thing, boss," Zack agreed, managing a small smile as he did. "I'll be out of here in no time, you'll see."

Angeal appeared rightly doubtful, but nodded nonetheless. He was heading out after the doctor a few seconds later, Zack sad to see him go. It was going to be so boring by himself. Granted, they'd lift the timed visits once he was more stable, but even then, there wasn't a line of people that would be coming to see him. Angeal couldn't entertain him all day, nor would the television on the wall across from his bed.

Maybe he could find his phone…

He tried looking around for it, but even that small movement left him dizzy and winded. Sitting back against the pillows, he tried to take a minute to catch his breath, which soon extended into many minutes, which inevitably became him fading in and out of consciousness for what he could only assume was most of the day. Apparently he'd overextended himself talking to Angeal, because he felt absolutely shitty for a long time afterward. The only sense of time he had were the nurses coming in to check on him regularly, though it was hard to really remember how many times they'd come and gone. He tried to read the clock on the wall when he could, but it was so blurry and his brain so fried that the numbers only confused and frustrated him. It was amazing, really, how pain and drugs could absolutely zap a person's ability to do even the most rudimentary things.

This was the last thought that circled his brain for a while, the subject being something he was hyper-focused on despite the illogic of such. Probably due to his frustration with the whole thing. It didn't help that the room had no windows, which made it impossible to know the time of day. This inability to keep track of time eventually started to make him anxious. Logically, he knew that was probably more due to the drugs, but rationality didn't hold much sway when his thoughts were constantly slipping away.

At some point, though, he managed to open his eyes and keep them open for a while. It was straining, but he was determined to stay awake. They'd leaned his bed back some, but he was still propped up a bit, which allowed him to look around the room.

Yet, even moving his eyes was exhausting…

Had they given him more drugs? He'd had an easier time when Angeal had been there. Then again, he was probably on a schedule as far as the pain meds (and whatever else he was on), so maybe he was currently coming out of it. Which meant they'd dose him again soon, but for a little while it felt like the fog was dissipating.

His reaction was a bit faster when the door opened as a result, his focus zeroing in when it wasn't a nurse or doctor who entered.

Smiling, Zack tried to blink away some of his dizziness. "Cloud…" he managed to croak out, the other boy hesitating some in the doorway before finally taking a few steps closer. He wavered beside the bed, Zack putting all his effort into remaining focused.

"Hey, it's not as bad as it looks," he comforted when it became clear that Cloud was looking him up and down, a worried crease pinching between his eyebrows. Supposing that moving on would suit them both better, Zack continued. "What are you even doing here, man? I wouldn't have expected you to visit me."

Something flashed in Cloud's gaze—something that looked to Zack like surprise—but he didn't have the attention span to think on it long.

"Hey, wait, since you're here," Zack started again, abruptly filled with determination. "You were there, when that monster attacked me, right? Your group were the ones who found those secretion puddles. Did you see after I got stabbed, there was someone with me. Someone who was talking to me. Did you see them?"

Cloud opened his mouth like maybe he might say something, but Zack was losing focus and hardly noticed.

"It's really important," he blundered on. "I know this is super personal stuff, but R&D is keeping the incident report confidential—don't tell anyone I told you that—and so I don't know exactly what happened. But this person, they're my soulmate. They said my words, you know? So I'd really like to find them. You must have seen them, right? Then again, they were probably in uniform, so maybe not. It's just really stressing me out because I've been waiting my whole life to meet them, but I don't know who they are or even what they look like because that monster messed with my eyes."

It took him a second to realize that Cloud was speaking, mostly because there was this ringing in his ears that was blocking out other sounds. But as he watched Cloud, he could see that his lips were moving.

"I can't hear you, man," he interrupted, squinting up at Cloud as he did—as if that would somehow make it easier to hear him. "It's pretty cool that you're talking to me though. But for real, my soulmate, okay? You saw them. You must have. Hey, I'm okay," he clarified, when Cloud was reaching out to lay the back of his hand against his cheek. "Don't worry about me. But if you could find my soulmate, that'd really help me out a ton. Also, I think I'm gonna be sick or something."

Maybe Cloud had already realized as much, because he must have called a nurse in. And a few seconds later there were a few nurses standing over him, all of them talking back and forth above his head. He couldn't hear them, everything continuing to fade in and out. The doctor was there, Cloud was gone. He was falling asleep real fast now. That couldn't be good…

The next time he woke up, it was with considerable difficulty. But even though he had to fight for consciousness, he felt a little less in and out when he finally managed to keep his eyes open. What was most surprising was that he soon discovered he was in a different room than the one he'd been in before. This one had windows, which was a huge relief. No, he couldn't move around enough to get a proper look, but it was nice just having the natural light filtering in. He could quickly determine that it was midday, though of what day he had no idea.

Thankfully, the doctor came in to see him shortly after he woke.

"What happened?" he asked, as she checked the bags hooked up to his IVs.

Her expression was soft as she looked down at him. "You had to be moved back into the ICU for a few days. The infection in your wound took a turn for the worse, but thankfully, you pulled through once again. We kept you under during your time there, but you've been in and out of consciousness since you were moved to recovery again, and then here."

Zack sighed. "I don't remember any of that."

"Well, we're pretty confident you'll pull through completely this time."

"Yeah, the windows made me feel better," he admitted, knowing that being in a room with windows meant he was more or less in the clear. "Hey, do you have my PHS by chance?"

Looking thoughtful, the doctor moved to a counter before beginning to look around. His personal stuff must have been over there, because she soon returned with his phone in-hand.

"Awesome," he said, smiling as he took it.

"Do you want to talk about your condition or do you want to wait?" she asked a second later.

"I'm still kind of… out of it," he said, struggling to punch in his passcode. "Maybe wait a bit. Besides, I trust you guys."

She laughed, patting him on the arm as she did. "We'll talk about it in a bit."

Nodding, Zack thanked her as she headed out, before returning his attention to his phone. Finally gaining access, he went directly to his messages, where he saw that he had about two-dozen unread from Aerith. Which he had sort of expected. He had two unread from Kunsel, one of the few friends he had otherwise, though, admittedly, even they weren't that close. Kunsel was asking how he was doing—he'd heard that something had happened—so Zack sent him a quick reassurance before turning his attention to Aerith.

Her messages started by asking where he was, before graduating from irritation that he was ignoring her into worry that something had happened. By the end, she'd accepted that something must have happened to him and was hoping that he'd message her when he got the chance. Feeling bad, Zack immediately typed out a reply:

**Zack:** Hey sorry. I wasn't igoring you or anything. Got swiped by a big baddy and I ben in the hospital. Sorry I worried you but Im def okay.

He wasn't surprised that she was typing back a few seconds later—Aerith was always prompt.

**Aerith:** Are you really? It's been almost two weeks. But I guess if you're talking to me now, you must be okay…

**Zack:** I really am ok

 **Zack:** Just got careless

 **Zack:** You know

 **Zack:** how I can be

**Aerith:** What happened?

**Zack:** Big monster

 **Zack:** solider stuff

 **Zack:** you no

 **Zack:** know*

She was typing again, but struck suddenly with excitement, Zack started typing before she could say anything.

**Zack:** and it payed off! guess what!

 **Zack:** I found my soulmate!

**Aerith:** Really?!

**Zack:** yea they were there

 **Zack:** I dont no who they are yetbecause I dont have the report

 **Zack:** but I met them!

**Aerith:** That's wonderful, Zack! I'm so happy for you!

 **Aerith:** Now you can stop putting yourself in danger all the time, lol.

**Zack:** ha, yea

**Aerith:** You're still in the hospital?

Because of course Aerith was still more worried about his health than the excitement of his soulmate. Not that he was surprised.

**Zack:** yea. wil be for a while

**Aerith:** Oh.

 **Aerith:** But you're okay?

**Zack:** yea Im fine

 **Zack:** but its seriosly gonna be SO BORING

 **Zack:** I hate being in med

**Aerith:** I'm sorry. I'd visit you if I could :(

**Zack:** I know. dont worry about it

 **Zack:** Ill bother Angeal until he visits me

 **Zack:** OH!

 **Zack:** and spike came to visit me once

 **Zack:** so theirs that

**Aerith:** Are you guys friends now? Lol

**Zack:** I dunno

 **Zack:** Im kinda surprised he showd up at all

 **Zack:** and he talked to me!

 **Zack:** but I dont no what he was saying LOL

 **Zack:** I was all drugged up and shit

**Aerith:** He was probably worried about you.

**Zack:** You think?

 **Zack:** I dunno

 **Zack:** I still think he doesnt like me haha

**Aerith:** He wouldn't come to visit you if he didn't like you. Sometimes I think you forget how scary SOLDIERS can be. And from what you've said, he seems like a shy person. It probably just took him a while to warm up to you. Without being intimidated.

**Zack:** I guess thats tru

**Aerith:** Not everyone is as outgoing as we are, you know. It takes time to get in behind people's shells sometimes. Besides, you said he was bullied—he's probably got a lot of trust issues.

**Zack:** You think?

**Aerith:** Someone who gets bullied now was probably bullied before too. And then to get someone like you giving him special attention? I bet he was pretty insecure about the whole thing. On top of you not being clear about what you were doing ;b

**Zack:** ha yea Angeal said that too

 **Zack:** Your so smart

 **Zack:** I never would have thught of it that way

**Aerith:** Just be patient—I bet he really does want to be friends with you.

**Zack:** Maybe…

 **Zack:** hey Aerith?

**Aerith:** Yes?

**Zack:** IM SO BORD ALREADY!

**Aerith:** Of course you are.

They texted back and forth for a while after that, but even they eventually ran out of things to talk about. Which was probably for the best, because the doctor returned shortly after to brief him on his condition. It wasn't great, obviously, and it was going to be quite a few weeks before he could return to work ("and that's only because your mako enhancements are healing you so quickly"). He'd have to stay in the hospital for a little while yet, but eventually he'd be discharged to his apartment, which would at least be less boring.

He'd just have to stay positive and remind himself that it could be worse—he could be dead!

Chatting with Aerith and the doctor left him pretty tired, so he took a nap after that, thankful when waking up wasn't so hard the next time. He figured out how the television worked shortly after, and then asked the next nurse who showed up about food. But he wasn't allowed to eat until the next afternoon, so that was a bummer. Which left him to mindlessly watch Stamp reruns, because nothing else was any good.

As a result, he was about ready to burst when someone aside from the staff finally showed up to see him. He expected Angeal, but was pleasantly surprised when it was Cloud.

Again!

"You came back!" he said, unable to hide neither his excitement nor his smile. Cloud was moderately surprised as a result, visibly startled as he paused inside the doorway. "You have no idea how glad I am that you're here," he went on. "There's nothing to do—I need someone to talk to or something before I go stir-crazy."

Cloud wavered for just a few more seconds in the doorway, before finally gathering his courage and entering fully. Remembering Aerith's words, Zack noted that Cloud was visibly uncomfortable—he was somewhat hunched as he approached the bed, and made sure to stay quite a ways back even as he stood at Zack's side.

"I don't think I could stand to listen to that Stamp theme song again," Zack continued, turning off the television as he did. "I mean, it's still better than the other stuff that's on, or the _news_ , but I've watched, like, six episodes today already. Hey!"

His exclamation had Cloud jumping inside his skin, but he continued on nonetheless. "The last time you were here, I was pretty drugged up—I still am!—but did you happen to find out anything? About my soulmate, I mean? Not that you were obligated to investigate or something—I'm just curious. I get that soulmates are pretty personal for a lot of people so it might have made you uncomfortable. I can stop bringing it up if you want. I have a bad habit of talking about that sort of thing a _lot_ , but I'll be quiet about it if you're one of those people who thinks that kind of stuff should stay private. Is it not okay, that I'm talking about it?"

Cloud blinked, looking altogether overwhelmed, which Zack supposed was his own fault.

"Uh…" Cloud swallowed hard. "It's… fine. Actua—"

"Great!" Zack was beaming again. "Man, you have no idea how happy I am that you're talking to me now. I was for sure certain that you hated my guts after what happened with your elevator pass. You don't hate me, do you? Because of what happened? I'd totally kick those guys' asses if I was allowed, by the way. You scared me shitless when I found you lying in my bathroom—I thought you were dead for sure."

Something like exasperated annoyance dropped across Cloud's expression.

"Well, I guess I'm not one to talk, huh. I am the one in the hospital now, and I'm way worse than you were. Oh, right! So you were there! Did you find out anything? About my soulmate?" Maybe he sounded too hopeful. Best to tune that down a bit. "It's totally fine if you didn't. Sorry to keep bothering you about it. I'm just really excited, you know? I've wanted to meet my soulmate my _whole life_. And, like, I knew from the beginning that I'd probably have to be in danger to meet them, see?" He turned his arm up so Cloud could see the words printed there. "Pretty ominous, right? But I always figured that the more danger I put myself in, the better the odds were that I'd meet them, right? So that's why I always try to take on the most dangerous stuff."

An admission that had Cloud gaping, his gaze flashing first with baffled shock before it was overtaken by anger.

"Yeah, that's the same look Angeal gives me," Zack admitted, laughing as he did. "But hey! It worked, didn't it? I found them. Well, sort of. I know they're around, anyway. So I don't have to keep putting myself in danger as much anymore, aside from the fact that it's kind of exhilarating, you know?"

Cloud had closed his eyes, looking annoyed as he took a deep breath and rubbed at his temple with his fingers. Like he was summoning patience, which was an expression Zack was pretty used to from most people. Thus, it didn't much bother him.

"Man, I'm so glad you're here," Zack said yet again, laying back against the pillows as he did. "I haven't had anyone to talk to all day. I try to pester the nurses into sticking around, but they're always busy. But it's like, I'm so bored, but also so excited, because my soulmate, right?! I mean, how cool is that! And I bet the whole thing was super romantic too. Me, being brave and fighting a giant monster only to take a mortal hit and fall in battle. But then! My soulmate was there and they were begging me not to die and like a total prince charming I said the exact thing I've been waiting to say since I was a little kid. I sounded like such a badass romantic! I wish I could remember it, ugh!"

Cloud was gaping again, anger having returned to his expression.

"Look, I know I sound crazy, but you don't understand—"

"Understand?" Cloud asked harshly. "You almost died! What's romantic about that, you idiot?!"

Blinking, Zack was somewhat surprised. One, because Cloud had insulted him so harshly, and two, because that was the most words Cloud had ever said to him. The former didn't bother him so much, but the latter was what caused him pause.

"What do you mean?" Zack eventually asked. "That's, like, the most romantic thing that could have happened. It was a love story moment!" He raised his hands, gesturing as if that would somehow get his point across better. Which immediately left him dizzy, but he pressed on nonetheless. "Danger at every turn, almost dying but not, meeting them in the heat of it all. It's so dramatic I can barely believe it actually happened that way!"

Fidgeting with excited nerves, Zack was smiling again. "It just goes to show that me and my soulmate are meant to be. I'll find them, or they'll find me, and then we'll begin a whirlwind romance and get married and live happily ever after forever!

"I mean, think about it," Zack continued as he turned to Cloud. "They must have been so brave, rushing to my side in the middle of such horrible danger. And they couldn't have known we were soulmates, which means they must be so courageous and selfless and strong. Because of course they are—they're just… perfect. I know they are. God, Cloud, can you even imagine how wonderful they have to be? Cloud?"

He appeared to be wavering a bit in place, looking rather pale as he placed his hand on his chest.

"You okay, man? Maybe you should sit down."

Gulping, Cloud nodded and stumbled back, reaching out for the nearest chair and nearly missing it as he sat down.

"You need water or something?"

Cloud shook his head.

"You sure?"

"Is that really how you feel?" he asked, his voice meek.

"How I feel? About wha—Oh, my soulmate? Of course!" Zack grinned again. "I've been waiting my whole life to meet them, you know? I mean, I get that everyone waits their whole lives to meet their soulmate, but I've always wanted to meet them more than anything. More than I wanted to become a SOLDIER even; more than _literally_ anything. My parents are soulmates, obviously, and they just love each other so much and they're so perfect for each other and I just know that when I finally get to be with my soulmate, it's going to be just like that. Like… Like magic! We'll just… click. I'll look into their eyes and they'll look into mine and we'll understand each other on, like, a cosmic level." Taking a deep breath, Zack tried to savor the imaginary feeling. "I just know that once we're together, everything will be absolutely perfect."

"Yeah… totally…" Cloud replied, his voice a little higher than usual (as far as Zack's limited experience hearing it went anyway), which once again drew Zack's attention his way.

"Are you sure you're okay, man?"

"I don't know," Cloud admitted, bending forward until he was cradling his head between his knees. "I feel a little dizzy."

"There's a trash can right beside your chair," Zack mentioned.

Cloud silently nodded, but didn't reach for it. Instead, he just sat some in silence, Zack deciding that maybe he should shut his own mouth for a minute while Cloud recovered. He did eventually lift his head again, but still appeared relatively pale and distraught as he leaned back.

"Do you need a nurse or something?" Zack asked, honestly worried.

Cloud shook his head. "It's fine."

Zack wasn't convinced, but nodded nonetheless. Watching Cloud, he looked for any signs of his condition worsening, but he seemed to be recovering well-enough.

"Hey, question," Zack started as Cloud looked his way again. "Why are you here? Really? Before all this happened, you would barely look at me, let alone talk to me."

It was a question that had Cloud pursing his lips, distress once again returning to his expression and posture.

"But it's cool if you don't want to talk about it," Zack said, despite not really feeling that way. "I'm just… trying to understand you, I guess. It's fine that you're quiet and stuff, and I'm sorry if I talk too much. You can tell me to shut up at any time." He was about to continue, but instead stoppered his voice on his tongue. He really was chatting a lot—more so than usual. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized it was the drugs, but even so, his self-control was limited. Despite silencing himself, the words were soon trying to bubble back up again, even as Cloud was opening his own mouth to speak.

"Actually I really want to know," Zack admitted. "You're really confusing."

Cloud blinked owlishly at him, before something like a baffled, one-noted laugh erupted from his throat.

"Are we friends or not?" Zack continued to push.

"I… don't know," Cloud said simply. "I—You—I just came here to check and see if you're alright. And because…" He turned nervous again. "Actually, never mind."

"Never mind?" Zack asked, deflating some. What did that mean?

"It's not—I mean—I'm not… good at this." Sighing, Cloud scrunched his nose a bit in frustration.

It was cute.

"Good at what?" Zack asked. "Talking? Or making friends?" His blatant reference had Cloud blushing red and looking altogether like an animal caught in a trap. "Oh, sorry, I probably shouldn't have said it like that. I'm so high right now, really. I'm probably saying a lot of stupid shit. Don't hate me, okay? It's the drugs, I swear."

His excuse drew another short laugh from Cloud, the sound subdued and soft—like it was rarely ever allowed to escape.

"I don't… hate you," Cloud assured.

"Then let's start over, yeah?" Zack asked. "I'll explain that I'm only trying to help you from the get-go and you'll talk to me like a normal person and we'll just be friends, okay? Does that work?"

"Uh, s—sure," Cloud agreed.

"Great! So that monster was crazy, wasn't it! I thought I was dead for sure!"

Cloud's expression immediately darkened. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Oh, uh…" Zack's frazzled brain attempted, and failed, to find another subject. "Angeal told me it escaped from a reactor where the R&D Department—"

"Zack!"

"Oh, right, I shouldn't be telling you that." Blinking, he took a few deep breaths and finally managed to land on another subject. "You wanna be a SOLDIER, right? Why?"

"Oh, just… because…"

"C'mon, Cloud. We can't be friends if you never talk about yourself."

"Sorry," Cloud said somewhat defensively, looking only moderately annoyed. "I told you I'm not good at this."

"Am I, like, the only friend you have or something?" Zack asked, laughing a bit as he did. And were he not high as a kite, he'd have known better than to say something like that. He could ramble, sure, but he wasn't normally so socially insensitive. But it was long too late by the time he realized his mistake, the insecurity that flashed over Cloud's expression making that all too clear.

A second later, Cloud was pulling out his phone, his body language becoming even more closed off than it already was.

"I should really, probably go…" he muttered.

"No! Wait! I'm sorry! Please, Cloud, don't go." Zack sighed, mostly at himself. "I didn't mean it like that. I've only got, like, two friends, so it's not like I'm making fun of you or something."

Cloud huffed, his face going red all over again. Probably because Zack kept repeatedly, and loudly, acknowledging things that were usually best served with subtlety.

"I'll just shut my mouth now," Zack decided, staring down at the sheets as he did. But, obviously, he wasn't going to be able to follow through on such a statement. "Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I want to be friends even though I'm really loud and overwhelming. I get that we're super different, but I think you're a pretty cool person and think you can make SOLDIER and I wanna be able to help you even though I've already messed that up a lot and—"

"Zack—"

"—even though we got off on the way wrong foot and I can't really control what I'm saying right now and—and what was I saying?"

"Zack, just… calm down, okay?" Cloud said, something like a laugh echoing in the back of his words.

"Okay. Okay, I will. I promise. I'll be quiet. But you're not gonna leave and never come back, right? Only Angeal comes to visit me and I'm gonna be so bored all the time. And if we don't become friends now, it's going to be weeks before we see each other again which means that any chance of us becoming friends will definitely be gone and that would really suck, you know?"

"Okay, okay," Cloud said, standing and quickly approaching the bed. He was holding his hands out in a calming manner, but Zack was having a pretty hard time getting there.

"I know I screw up a lot and that I say stupid things and that a lot of people think I'm too much, but I can be chill, I really can. I'll be chill right now. I'll try. Actually, I'm having a really hard time right now and I've been alone pretty much all day and—?"

"Zack, you need to take a deep breath, okay?" Cloud said calmly, reaching out to lay a hand on Zack's shoulder as he did.

"That heart monitor is beeping pretty fast, isn't it? You're right, I need to calm down. I'll calm down right now. Deep breaths, or something. But hey, you're not leaving, right?" Without thinking, Zack reached out with both hands and grabbed Cloud by the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt. "Please don't leave yet. I'll shut up. I swear I can, I promise."

"I'm not leaving, okay?" Cloud assured, leaning a bit closer so it was easier for Zack to hold his arm. While the hand he'd had on his shoulder came up to wipe some sweat from Zack's forehead.

"I think I'm freaking out," Zack finally decided. "That heart monitor's not slowing down."

"It's okay, I called the nurse," Cloud assured. "I think you're having an anxiety attack."

"Oh, okay." This knowledge did not make him feel any better. Instead, he held onto Cloud's sleeve even tighter. While everything inside him continued to race, like his whole body was rushing into overtime even as his brain struggled to keep up. With every second that passed, his body and brain felt further and further removed from each other, which wasn't comforting at all.

"Hey, look at me," Cloud said, his voice both soft and stern. Having been glancing quite frantically around the room, Zack zeroed in on that familiar face. That pretty face, with the purest, most sky-blue eyes he'd ever seen. "You're okay," he continued, his hand moving from Zack's forehead to gently stroke his hair. "Just focus on me."

He tried, he really did, but his whole body was buzzing so bad that he thought he'd literally burst at the seams at any second.

"It's not working," he admitted, his voice having taken on a rather frantic tone. "I can't breathe."

"You can breathe," Cloud replied. "You're breathing right now."

But Zack barely heard him. His chest was beginning to hiccup, his insides pounding so hard he was certain they wanted to erupt right out of him. Tears were forming behind his eyes, or maybe they were already streaking down his cheeks, and soon the whole room was spinning. He tried to keep his attention on Cloud, but it just wasn't working.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," he said, closing his eyes as the world started to tip out from under him. If his admission had been a warning, it was way too late, because within a second of the words leaving his lips, whatever else was inside him evacuated his person too. He leaned forward instinctively, but that hardly did him any good. Something between water and bile came spilling out of him, unfortunately splattering all over the front of Cloud's shirt.

Which made everything that was happening so, so much worse.

"I'm sorry," he said desperately. "I can't—"

"It's okay, just lay back," Cloud said swiftly.

"Sometimes the pain medication can cause this sort of reaction."

Someone else was in the room. The nurse, Zack realized. She was standing on his other side, her attention on one of the IV bags hanging above his head.

"Especially in SOLDIERS. The mako makes them more apt to react poorly."

"He was doing alright before," Cloud said above him, though he still had one hand gently stroking his hair, while the other Zack held in a death grip. He was both aware of this and completely numb to it. Like his body was acting on its own while his thoughts bounced around his skill until nothing made sense except for the human contact.

"It can go in and out, the spikes in anxiety," the nurse explained. "He's been pretty quiet all day. Maybe visitors are too much for him."

"No, no, no," Zack unconsciously began to mutter. "Don't leave. Please don't leave."

"I'm not leaving," Cloud said strictly, before once again turning his attention to the nurse. "There's something to do about it, right?"

"I attached a sedative to his IV," she explained. "He'll calm down in a minute."

And while Zack didn't like the idea of a sedative, his brain was far too gone to really wrap itself around the idea. Soon his body started to cool, or calm, he supposed. The room kept spinning, the nausea ever-present, but eventually he was so numb to it all that it hardly seemed to matter. His grip on Cloud loosened until his arms were falling to his sides, his eyes unable to focus.

He blinked a few times—slowly—but there was no fighting it. The room was dimming a second later, until he was floating in a sea of black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it ironic that Cloud makes the same threat to Rude as Angeal made to him, especially since we then go to the past where he's STILL not telling Zack the truth (though I guess that whole thing has gotten more complicated for him, lolol). Poor baby Cloud in the present, and poor baby Zack in the past. But seriously, they're both dumbasses, I can't even.
> 
> Also feel free to follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--for more bullshit, THANKS!


	11. Chapter 11

_Present Day_

"Okay, so here's the plan," Yuffie said, pulling out her phone as she did. Her delivery truck sat beside them, the two of them standing in a Gold Saucer parking park. Well, one of many parking lots. But the one they were in wasn't for tourists. It was on one of the bottom levels, a fancy elevator having taken them up, up, up the trunk of the saucer. Zack could hear the rattling of the roller coasters and the echo of the announcers, all of it muffled by the concrete building in which they currently stood. Yet, somehow the obnoxious music still managed to break through in strength. Maybe there were speakers tucked away somewhere.

"Vince is going to get here tomorrow," she continued. "You'll meet him here, in this same parking lot, okay? And then you can ride with him until he gets to Nibelheim."

"Cool, got it," Zack said, nodding seriously as he did.

"I've got to head up to the hub now, but, hmmm," she tapped her chin. "You have a phone number? We could stay in touch."

"Oh, sorry," Zack shrugged. "I don't actually have a phone."

"No phone?" She looked at him like he was stupid.

"I don't have any money!" he reiterated for the millionth time since they'd set out from Gongaga. Thankfully, Yuffie had been content to talk about all her materia for a majority of the trip, which Zack had encouraged as it stopped her asking him too many personal questions. And when she hadn't been talking about materia, they'd both been singing loudly to the radio with the windows down and the wind in their faces.

"So, if you don't have any money," Yuffie started, "where exactly are you gonna stay tonight?"

"Oh, uh…" Zack glanced thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "I'll figure something out. Not like I haven't slept under the stars before." He and Cloud had slept plenty out in the wild for nearly a year, not to mention that his SOLDIER missions had sometimes required as much.

Nevertheless, Yuffie sighed. "I'll see what I can do," she decided, before beginning to type away at her phone.

"No, that's fine," Zack reasoned. "You've done enough already. Really, it's no problem."

She ignored him. Which left Zack to awkwardly loiter, uncertain if he should say bye and walk away or…

"I texted Cl—My boss," she said after a few more heavy moments of silence. "He has _all_ kinds of connections around here. He knows all the chocobo jockeys and the people who run the hotels and even the guy who owns this place, Dio or whatever. He's a _weird_ guy, by the way, always walking around in a speedo with no shirt or shoes."

"Your boss?"

"No, Dio. Listen." She huffed. "So he says… Well, this is what I said: 'I picked up a guy who needed a ride and now he has no place to stay at GS. Can you pull some strings?' He's typing…" They waited. "Ah, he says, 'Yuffie, you need to stop picking up strangers in the SDS vehicles. We've talked about this.' Well that's not helpful." She was typing back again. "'He just… needed… a ride…'" She was relaying to him as she typed, apparently. "'He's a… SOLDIER guy… I thought… you had… a soft spot… for those… weirdos.'"

Zack slumped, supposing there was no point in continuing to object.

"He won't take long to reply now that I have his attention," she assured, humming as she waited. "Okay, he says 'That's not the point. You carry very valuable stuff in…'" Well this isn't getting us anywhere. Now he's just mad at me." She frowned and started typing again.

"This really isn't necessary," Zack tried to say, and was shushed.

"I told him you have no money and no job and just need a place to stay for the night. I didn't tell him about Vince taking you to Nibelheim though. That'd make him madder." She cringed, tapping her foot as they waited. "'You picked up a homeless guy?' he says."

Zack scoffed. "I'm not homeless!"

"I'll tell him that. Anyway." Once more with the texting. "Can you… just… make arrangements with… someone… so he… has somewhere… to sleep.'" She hummed into the silence. "'I can't just pull favors for strangers, Yuffie. I don't even know this guy. If he's a SOLDIER, he could be dangerous.'"

Yuffie eyed Zack up and down, looking needlessly suspicious.

"Are you dangerous?" she asked.

"I mean, I'm plenty dangerous," he replied. "But am I a danger to anyone here? No."

She thought about his words before nodding in agreement. "'He says… he's not… dangerous,'" she typed.

Taking a deep breath, Zack resituated his weight and wondered how long this would keep going on for.

"He says, 'Why do I bother? I'll call Andrea and see if he has any rooms available. But if something happens, it's coming out of your paycheck. And this guy better not cause any trouble. It's my reputation on the line.' Blah, blah, blah, he's _so_ dramatic." She typed something lastly, before turning a grin up at Zack. "So Andrea, he owns the Honey Bee Inn. It used to be in Midgar till Midgar got blown off the map, and then he moved here. I've delivered some stuff to him before. He's a real, hm, fabulous sort, I guess. There's some kind of story as to how they know each other, but I can't get anyone to tell me what it is." She laughed to herself. "Everyone is always a bit _cloudy_ on the details."

She continued chuckling, though Zack honestly couldn't figure out what was so funny.

"Anyway, just go to the Honey Bee Inn and say you're there for the SDS reservation. They'll have a room all squared away for you."

"Really? Just like that?" Zack was honestly surprised, and a little touched, to be honest. It'd been… a long time since he'd met strangers who were willing to be so, well, nice. "Tell your boss thanks. I really do appreciate it."

"Okay!" she started typing away at her phone again. "I told him. And he says… 'Yeah, sure.'" She shrugged, while Zack released a short laugh. "You positive you don't want me to ask him about a job?"

Zack rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, I don't think so. Not right now, anyway."

"Okay! But if you change your mind, you know where to find me! Because I, you know, work out of this hub. And stuff."

"I got it."

"Cool!" She slapped him playfully on the arm. "It was a pleasure to meet ya, Zack! Have a swell life!"

He laughed again. "You too, Yuffie."

They waved and parted ways shortly after, Yuffie heading into some kind of worker's elevator while Zack was left to fend for himself. Thankfully, he was already technically inside the Gold Saucer thanks to Yuffie getting him in on her employee pass, which meant he didn't have to pay the entrance fee. But seeing as he had neither gil nor GP (assuming they still used GP all these years later), he was pretty well stuck just walking around doing nothing.

Supposing he still had to somehow find the Honey Bee Inn, he headed out the main entrance of the parking structure. The glass doors slid open as he approached, which immediately left him blasted with dry, desert air and the full loudness of the Gold Saucer's attractions.

Once upon a time, the idea of the Gold Saucer had excited him. He'd had a few missions in the area as a SOLDIER—back when the Saucer had been relatively new—but as he'd been working under Angeal, time to explore had never been an option. And while he now had all the time in the world, he found that the noise mostly just made him wary.

It wasn't a reaction that wholly surprised him. The mixing volumes of all the attractions, music, and voices made for a cacophony of sound that all blended and melded together into one constant rush through his ears. It was this confused, bubbling mixture that reminded him acutely of all the time he'd spent cooped up in the pod in Hojo's lab.

Unlike Cloud, he hadn't been unconscious the whole time they'd been captured. Time had been both long and short, his awareness fading in and out constantly. But one thing he did recall with torturing clarity was the loudness of the water in his ears. That, mixed with the surging of the pumps and the injectors above his head, well, it'd all been so loud and so constant and so… never-ending on his SOLDIER-sensitive hearing. It'd gone on like that for so, so long that the near-silence that had followed his break-out had been shocking on its own.

He'd had nightmares about it following, of the sounds of water plugging his ears and dragging him under. Of just… loudness blocking out everything around him, closing in on his head and holding him down.

He'd developed a distaste for… loud places as a result. A near nauseating distaste that left him tense as he tried to adjust to the rattling, constant volume of the Gold Saucer. It didn't help that so much noise made it much more difficult to hear what was going on close by. Defending himself was that much harder when his senses were being overloaded otherwise.

He just… He just needed to find this Honey Bee Inn and hope that the rooms were quieter than the rest of this place.

Seeing a map plastered to a wall nearby, he headed for it directly, trying not to focus too intently on how… sad it was, that he couldn't really enjoy one of the most exciting, fun, thrilling places in the world.

But it was just too much. Too loud. Too many people. It made him feel very, very tired. And paranoid, like he'd been when he and Cloud had been on the run. He wouldn't be able to hear it if someone came up behind him, which was disconcerting even as he tried to reason himself out of it.

"Honey Bee Inn," he murmured to himself, taking slight comfort from the sound of his own voice as he scanned the guide beside the map. The Gold Saucer was a whole lot bigger than it had been a decade ago, but everything was in alphabetical order, thankfully. Finding the inn, he then trailed his finger over the map until he found it on Saucer F, section 4. Which was only a few saucers above him. Would he have to take the tubes to get there? No, it was labeled with elevator access. So they had elevators now? Well, they probably should have had them in the first place, truth be told.

Looking around, he quickly located the signs that were pointing him toward the trunk elevators, which would allow him to travel from saucer to saucer. It was early evening, the entirety of the Saucer lit up and glowing as he made his way through the glass tunnels leading him on. It was quite a sight, really, even from the bottom. But even so, he was still intent on getting to the inn as soon as possible.

He passed a few people on his way—employees, by the looks of them. They cast him curious looks—probably because of the sword and bag over his shoulder—but none tried to stop him. The elevator doors soon rose up before him, Zack slipping in as soon as the door opened. There weren't numbers on the direction pad, but letters, so he hit "F" and hoped it'd take him to the right place.

The noise was somewhat lessened as the doors closed, Zack turning to take in the view through the glass walls. He rose steadily, the glare and sparkle pulling his attention every which way. A sign lit up to one side, announcing a racing victory. Fireworks went off on the other side, higher up. While flashing lights streamed around another saucer—a rollercoaster, perhaps.

Once again swallowing down his apprehension, Zack turned away just as the elevator was coming to a stop. Stepping out, he again took a second to acclimate to the noise before taking a steadying breath and walking on.

He wasn't sure what other attractions were located on this Saucer and didn't spend much time in figuring it out. Finding the bee-girl sign that directed him down the path to the inn, he headed onward. It was considerably more crowded on this Saucer than it had been in parking, Zack having to wade his way through crowds and around excited tourists as he pressed forward. Thankfully, his height allowed him to see over most everyone's head, the Honey Bee Inn soon revealing itself at the end of the walkway.

It was a gaudy building, decorating with light-up bee-girls and flashing bulbs. Honeycomb shapes framed the grand entrance, stairs leading up to an open doorway where heavy velvet curtains had been pulled aside.

Despite having lived in Midgar, Zack had very little familiarity with the Honey Bee Inn. He knew it'd once existed in Sector 6 and that it'd been the home base for many debaucherous activities. But as a good, honest SOLDIER, he'd never had any reason to visit. Angeal had always kept him on the straight and narrow, the closest he'd ever come to the inn being his visits to Aerith in Sector 5.

Aerith…

How was she doing? He'd have to look into her after he found Cloud. Hopefully she'd made it through the destruction of Midgar okay.

Continuing to move, he took the stairs up and ducked in through the curtained doorway, which opened up into a red and gold trimmed lobby. Quite a few people stood around, talking excitedly, while others sat on the red-cushioned benched in wait. Zack went straight for the counter on the left, where a young man waited diligently in a spiffy gold and black suit.

"Hello," he said as Zack approached, bowing his head as he did. "Are you here to see a honey boy or girl? Unfortunately, all the shows for the week have been booked."

"Uh, I'm not here for any of that," Zack replied. "I have a reservation, I think. For a room. It's an SDS reservation."

The young man nodded before beginning to type away at his keyboard. His eyes scanned his computer screen, the wait stretching on just a bit too long to be reassuring.

"I don't have an SDS reservation…" he eventually said. "Is there a name that it might be under?"

"Maybe? I don't know. I think the owner of SDS made the reservation."

"Hmm, I don't see his name here either." Finally, the young man looked back up at him. "I'm sorry, but I don't have any record of your reservation."

"Oh, ah, that's alright. Never mind then. I'll just—"

"Hold on, Cody," a voice called from behind the curtains, before they were brushed aside to reveal a tall, well-muscled man with shaved brown hair and absolutely glowing skin. "I just got off the phone." He pointed a lazy finger in Zack's direction. "You the SOLDIER boy?"

"Er, yeah, that's me," Zack replied.

The man leaned forward over the counter, getting a closer look at Zack's eyes, before nodding and beckoning Zack to follow him through a door at the back. Hesitating for only a second, Zack was soon skipping after him.

"Andrea Rhodea," he said as they found themselves in a long hallway. "A pleasure." He too was wearing a fancy suit, his mostly black with intricate gold detailing. The collar was replaced with fur, the front a deep "V" that went clear down to his navel.

"Uh, Zack," Zack introduced, his attention caught between Andrea and the many portraits of stunningly beautiful men and women lining the walls.

"You're lucky I had a cancellation—normally we don't just _have_ rooms available no matter who's calling in the favor."

"I really do appreciate it."

Andrea hummed, before coming to a sudden stop and turning. The tassels on his sleeves wavered in the air as he raised a single finger and poked at Zack's chest. "No funny business while you're here, understood? I won't hesitate to kick you out if you try sneaking around or getting into dressing rooms or anything similar."

"Oh, no, of course not," Zack assured. "I'll probably just stay in my room."

Andrea didn't look wholly convinced, but nodded nonetheless.

"See to it that you do. I've had a few of you SOLDIER types around. Extra strong or not, I won't hesitate to kick you out if you cross the line."

"I won't, I promise. And I'm sorry if any other SOLDIERS have caused you problems. I'll keep my hands clean the whole time I'm here."

"Not all SOLDIERS are bad, but those that are tend to be more unraveled than most," Andrea reasoned. "You do seem a bit more on the level, however. Ah, here we go." He reached a door near the end of the hall on the right, which opened up into another large, circular room. There was a statue of a bee girl in the center, while the walls were bordered by half a dozen more doors.

Between each door was a large portrait, though these were somewhat different than the ones that had lined the hall. These weren't bee themed, instead appearing more classic.

"This is my transformation suite," Andrea explained. "You'll be in room 4, over there."

"Transformation suite?" Zack asked curiously.

"Each set of rooms has a theme," he explained. "The theme here is transformation. That is, from drab to fab, from poor to extravagant, from basic to beautiful." He smiled, gesturing to the closest portrait. "My best transformations are on display."

"Oh…" The portrait he was currently gesturing to was of a young woman with red hair and large, green eyes. Or it looked like it, anyway. She was certainly beautiful, so Zack was a little lost on what, exactly, would have been transformed. Then again, maybe that was the entire point.

"If you need anything—a meal, for example—there's a phone in your room," he continued. "One of our honey girls or boys will be happy to bring you whatever you like. Do you have a preference?"

"Preference?"

"Honey girl or boy."

"Oh, whichever is fine."

"Perfect," Andrea smiled, something about his expression inherently suggestive. Maybe that was just his general persona. "Here's your keycard," he produced it from somewhere in his suit. "Check out in the morning before eleven. Do try not to make a mess. Or a ruckus, as I said before. Only good boys here, hm?"

"No messes or ruckuses, I promise," Zack swore, taking the keycard as he did.

Andrea hummed in acknowledgement, patting Zack lightly on the shoulder as he passed him by. He was soon gone back through the door they'd originally come through, Zack left alone as he continued to take in the room.

It was fairly quiet, thankfully. The music and the noise from the Saucer was still audible, but it was severely muffled. Far more so than it had been in the parking garage, even. Which helped to relax Zack's nerves, his shoulders slumping a bit as some of his tension leaked away.

Moving across the red carpet, he followed the doors around to his own, his eyes trailing up and down the portraits curiously. Most of them just looked like beautiful women to him, but, again, that was probably the entire point. Being able to see through a "transformation" would defeat the entire purpose, wouldn't it?

Pausing just to the side of his door, he found his attention snagged on the closest portrait.

Another beautiful woman, this one blonde with pale, clear skin. She had sharp features and a severe expression, which contrasted some with the softness of the others. But what caught Zack's attention was her hair. Not the pigtails with their pink bows at the ends, but the spikes that stuck up around and framed her face and head. It reminded him starkly of Cloud, down to each individual hair-spike. The bright blue of her eyes was similar as well, Zack almost convinced there was a tinge of green around the pupils.

But despite the likeness, Zack reminded himself that it couldn't possibly be Cloud. This portrait was clearly a woman. She was wearing a tight-fitting corset dress, the top of it decorated with puffy sleeves and black ruffles before it turned into a pretty blue color with floral stitching. The portrait itself didn't stretch any lower than the middle of her abdomen, but still, it was very clearly feminine.

She was definitely beautiful. Serious—dangerous almost—but that only made her all the more stunning. Like the sparkle of a blade in the shadows, her pale features contrasted strikingly with the darkness of the dress.

Zack stood staring at the portrait for some time, ultimately finding that it did little more than make him miss Cloud more than he already did. Frowning, he eventually turned away, instead putting his attention on scanning his way through his door. It was even quieter inside the hotel room, almost all sound muffled in favor of silence. Like the rest of the building, the décor was red and gold with bee related accents. There were also a lot of mirrors, which Zack decided he wouldn't think too much about.

Instead, he closed the door behind him before going to the bed. Dropping his bag on the floor, he then leaned his sword against the wall and flopped back onto the sheets. He stared up at the gold, honey-combed ceiling for many long minutes, simply listening to the silence. Ultimately, the whole situation only proved to remind him more of Cloud than the portrait already had.

When they'd been on the run, they'd spent most nights under the stars. But, occasionally, they'd been near enough to a town and happen to have a little extra cash. So Zack would get them a room before dragging Cloud's limp body up whatever stairs awaited them before he'd lay them both both out on the bed for a single night of paranoid comfort.

It'd been so hard, that year he'd spent hiding from Shinra, all the while pulling Cloud along with him. He'd feared for Cloud more than anything else. Feared that the mako addiction would worsen and take him away forever, or that he'd never recover at all. That they'd get cornered by Shinra and Zack wouldn't be able to protect him.

Then again, maybe that _was_ what had happened.

Just the thought had his chest constricting painfully. Turning onto his side, he curled up some and stared blankly out across the room.

What he wouldn't give to have Cloud there with him. Sure, he'd had to hand feed him and bathe him and redress him that whole year, but at least they'd been together back in those days. As together as had been possible, with Cloud's mind so broken and poisoned. But it was still better than this uncertain loneliness.

What if, when he found Cloud, he was no better than he had been when they'd been on the run? What if he was tucked away in some hospital somewhere, just as blank and empty as he'd been when Zack had freed him from that mako pod?

Though he hated saying it, Cloud being in that condition would be nearly as bad as death. Sure, Zack had kept his hopes up the entire time they'd been running that Cloud would come back to him. That he'd return to being the grumpy little trooper that Zack had found himself so infatuated with. But then doubts had plagued him too. Concern that everything Cloud had been was now swallowed up in mako, lost forever.

He didn't know what he'd do if he found Cloud like that still. This many years later, it'd really mean there was no hope.

The idea was so terrible that Zack tried to forcefully shake it from his brain. He had to remember that Cloud was strong. He'd have come out of it eventually. No way would that stubborn little shit settle for being a vegetable his whole life.

He was fine. Definitely. When they were eventually reunited, Cloud would be back to his normal self. Back to the Cloud he'd been before Nibelheim had destroyed everything. That was the only possible outcome.

Closing his eyes, Zack curled up a bit more.

No, it wasn't the only possible outcome—he knew that. But…

But he feared it was the only one he'd be able to live with.

_9 Years Ago_

The last two weeks had been hell on Cloud's nerves. For so many reasons that he wasn't sure he could keep track of it all. First there was Zack almost _dying_ , an event that kept him up with nightmares for multiple hours a night. This hadn't helped in his own recovery from that cure spell nearly killing him as well, but he was pretty much beyond that.

Zack being in critical condition for so long, only to pull out of it and then go back due to an infection, had nearly ripped him of any sanity he'd had, let alone the notion of sleep. He was practically a walking ball of nerves and stress. Studying was out of the question—he couldn't focus at all. And seeing as he hadn't been allowed to even see Zack for at least a week had left him with little to do aside from lay in bed trying to sleep and rarely succeeding.

Before Zack had gone back into the ICU, Cloud had finally been allowed to go visit him, which had been both good and bad. Good because he wanted to see him, but bad because Zack had looked absolutely terrible. Pale as a ghost, breathing labored, hooked up to so, so many IVs and machines. Only for him to end up back in the ICU while Cloud was there with him.

He definitely hadn't slept that night.

Zack didn't know it, but he'd gone to visit every day after that. He hadn't been allowed to see Zack at first, which was fine—just going to ask was something to do. It'd been a relief when Zack had come out of critical the second time, even if Cloud had still worried and worried and worried. He'd gotten in to visit him after that, but Zack had either been sleeping or so out of it that he hadn't even realized Cloud was there.

It wasn't until the day he'd had that horrible anxiety attack that Cloud had even spoken to him. That had been… a rough day. Zack's health was, of course, stressful enough, but now Cloud couldn't get all the things he'd been going on about out of his head either.

Zack expected a lot out of this whole soulmate thing. So much so that Cloud wasn't sure how to even tell him the truth anymore. It'd been overwhelming to begin with, but now he was downright scared to say anything about it. Zack had a very specific idea about who his soulmate would be, how they'd interact, what would happen in their future. Already Cloud had failed on most of those fronts. He and Zack did _not_ have an instant connection or understanding (quite the opposite, in fact), Cloud was far, far from perfect or courageous or selfless or even honest at this point, and the idea of their future together was so far beyond anything he'd been thinking about that he couldn't even consider it without having an anxiety attack of his own.

Somehow, telling Zack the truth had become so, so much worse. Cloud didn't even know where to begin to find the right words.

But even if he did know what to say or how to say it, Zack was so high off his ass half the time that he couldn't reasonably tell him yet anyway. Worried that his anxiety would persist and hinder his recovery, the med staff kept Zack so sedated now that he was rarely awake at all. And when he was awake, he was even loopier than he'd been before. They'd started to lower some of his medication levels that very day, however, and they were hopeful that perhaps that would curb the anxiety.

Cloud hoped so too, for Zack's sake. Seeing him so upset had been heartbreaking. It was bad enough he was sick and hurt—he didn't need to be mentally distraught as well.

Really, Cloud just wanted him to get better. He knew it was going to take a while, but he couldn't stop worrying about him. The doctors were confident he'd be fine now despite the complications, but Cloud's own anxiety over the whole thing kept him constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. That his job was so completely boring didn't help, because all he did all day was think and think and think about it.

He was seriously going to fucking lose it.

Finally having finished his shift for the day, he booked it to the cafeteria. He only had a little time between work and classes, because another first had taken over Zack's duties in the interim. He'd grab a snack, go check on Zack, and then run to class, just as he'd been doing for days already.

It was as he was shoving a bagel into his mouth—on the verge of dashing to the med bay—that his phone dinged with a text. Surprised, he fumbled to pull it out of his pocket as he paused in the hallway.

**Zack:** Hey. I just wanted to apologize for what happened before when you came to see me. I dont remember everything totally, but I know I said things I shouldnt have and that I puked all over you. Im really really embarrassed and super super sorry.

Blinking down at the text, Cloud read it through a few times in tandem with some of the tension leaving his body. If Zack could write a message like that, then lowering his meds must have gone okay. At least for the time being.

He'd better say something back, poor Zack.

**Cloud:** It's fine. I know you were really messed up. I'm not mad or anything.

 **Cloud:** I'm honestly just glad you're okay.

**Zack:** Yea…

**Cloud:** Zack, I mean it. You babbling when you're high or puking on me is definitely not the worst thing.

**Zack:** I guess so

 **Zack:** Sorry Im just embarrassed

 **Zack:** I feel like everythng between us always gos super bad

**Cloud:** That's not true.

 **Cloud:** Besides

 **Cloud:** what are friends for?

Typing it out made Cloud flush from the neck up, but he didn't regret it as soon as he sent it, so that had to be a good sign. Besides, Zack sounded like he needed some reassurance. If Cloud really was going to try and be friends with him (at the very least), then he needed to be a little more open to… communication. Or something. Right?

**Zack:** Ha thats true I guess

 **Zack:** Thanks man

Knowing that Zack was awake for sure suddenly made Cloud uncertain about visiting him. But that was kind of stupid, seeing as the only time they could, what, talk? was if Zack was awake.

But it was so embarrassing for some reason.

**Cloud:** I was going to swing by to see how you're doing, if you want.

Yeah, "swing by" sounded casual. Sounded cool. Maybe.

**Zack:** Really?

 **Zack:** That wold be great but the doc said Im about to have a check up or somethin

 **Zack:** so that might not work right now

**Cloud:** Oh, okay. Never mind then.

**Zack:** in an hour can you come?

**Cloud:** I have class, remember?

**Zack:** Oh right

 **Zack:** lame

**Cloud:** You're an instructor, Zack.

**Zack:** Not because I wanna be

 **Zack:** Angeal makes me

**Cloud:** Wow.

 **Cloud:** You're a shining example of SOLDIER responsibility.

**Zack:** I knew you had a bad atitude

**Cloud:** I'm clearly learning it from you.

**Zack:** Nah I was always agood student

 **Zack:** I think you just came out the whom that way lol

**Cloud:** Womb?

**Zack:** Whatever

 **Zack:** Your not one of thos people thats always correcting other people are you?

**Cloud:** No. I just wanted clarification.

 **Cloud:** If I was, I'd have been correcting you a long time ago.

**Zack:** You can correct my reports if you want

 **Zack:** Angeal would really love you then

**Cloud:** Would he?

 **Cloud:** I'll do it.

**Zack:** I WAS KIDDING!

 **Zack:** you cant read my reports your not alloud

**Cloud:** You're the one who brought it up.

**Zack:** Angeal really would be suprised tho

 **Zack:** he's used to my dummness

 **Zack:** I bet his face would be priceless

**Cloud:** You're not dumb, Zack.

**Zack:** I know I know

 **Zack:** I just have a hard tie with letters and stuff

 **Zack:** cant really tell when Im messing them up so I just stopped trying lol

**Cloud:** Everybody is smart at different things and not great at others—nothing wrong with that.

**Zack:** Wow your so nice haha

**Cloud:** That's just the truth.

**Zack:** Your real book smart I bet

 **Zack:** you type really well

**Cloud:** I've read a lot of books, yes, lol.

He was an anti-social loner that had never had much in the way of friends—he'd had plenty of time to read dozens of books.

**Zack:** I like comic books

**Cloud:** Yeah, me too. And video games.

**Zack:** !

 **Zack:** You still have my keycard right?

 **Zack:** Its so BORING here

 **Zack:** you shuld go get my laptop and bring it to me

 **Zack:** so I can play games and stuff LOL

**Cloud:** Um, while I'd like to, if I get caught…

**Zack:** oh right

 **Zack:** Ill just tell Angeal to get it for me

 **Zack:** no worries

**Cloud:** Mmk.

**Zack:** You should come vsit after classes

 **Zack:** Ill still be awake probly

 **Zack:** I took a super long nap earlier

**Cloud:** You should be resting.

**Zack:** All ive been doing is resting

 **Zack:** Please?

 **Zack:** Angeal can only stay to talk for a few minutes when he comes

If he agreed, then he'd be getting there pretty late. But it was also Monday night, so he had the following day off aside from classes. He didn't have an excuse not to, really. And seeing as Zack knew what day he had off, he'd know that as well. Which would make it look like Cloud was avoiding him.

**Cloud:** Alright.

**Zack:** SWEET!

 **Zack:** I promise not to blab lik last time

 **Zack:** I think Im less high now anyway

**Cloud:** I'm not worried, I promise.

He _lied_ , as he was already beginning to stress about talking to Zack again. But he just had to play it cool. And not think too hard about everything Zack had said last time.

**Zack:** OH!

 **Zack:** And bring some snacks

 **Zack:** they let me eat today but the food here sucks

**Cloud:** Lol, okay.

**Zack:** you know

 **Zack:** your kinda prickly

 **Zack:** but your actually a pretty guy

**Cloud:** …?

**Zack:** WOOPS

 **Zack:** a pretty nice guy

 **Zack:** I mean

 **Zack:** you actually are pretty pretty for a dude

 **Zack:** but thas

 **Zack:** not what

 **Zack:** I ment to say

**Cloud:** Uh, thanks?

 **Cloud:** I guess…

Best to just bypass that one and blame it on the drugs before he imploded.

**Cloud:** Just don't go around telling people.

**Zack:** that your nice?

**Cloud:** Yeah.

 **Cloud:** I have a reputation.

**Zack:** LOL no you dont

**Cloud:** Wow, savage.

 **Cloud:** I just remembered I'm busy tonight.

**Zack:** NO IM SORRY

 **Zack:** DONT BE MAD

 **Zack:** PLEASE COME SEE MEEEEEEEEEEE

**Cloud:** I dunno.

 **Cloud:** I'm gonna have to think it over now.

**Zack:** No dont think just come

**Cloud:** Gotta go to class.

 **Cloud:** Bye.

**Zack:** CLOUD!

 **Zack:** DONT BE RUDE!

He left Zack's last message as it was, deciding his soulmate didn't deserve a response. Despite this, he was relatively distracted for the duration of his classes (hopefully Angeal didn't notice) and he'd occasionally catch himself smiling like an idiot, so that was annoying. But he got through the slogging hours eventually, before speed-walking back to the barracks.

Changing into some sweats and his typical long-sleeved t-shirt, he then headed to the cafeteria. He wasn't sure what Zack liked or wanted, so he grabbed up snacks that he at the very least liked so they wouldn't go to waste. And a variety of cookies, because that was the one thing he did know Zack would appreciate.

Packing it all into his backpack, he made sure it was secure before heading on to the medical ward. The nurse at the front station knew him by that point (embarrassing) and produced the visitor's log as he approached the window. Signing in, he was soon walking off down the hall that headed right off the front desk. Zack was in one of the rooms at the end. As a first class, he got a priority room (hence, the windows).

He paused for a moment outside the door, nerves once again getting the better of him. But then he shook his head, knowing there was no turning back. Taking a deep breath, he pressed down on the handle and pushed his way inside.

Zack was awake, as he'd said he would be, and looked up as soon as Cloud walked in. Despite still being pale and laid up, his eyes were bright and his expression even more so, which was more reassuring to Cloud than he'd realized he needed.

"You came!" Zack announced, smiling wide as he did.

"Guess so," Cloud replied noncommittally, going to the chair beside the bed as he did. Setting his backpack on the cushion, he unzipped it to reveal the menagerie of multi-colored packages sitting inside.

"And you brought snacks," Zack said, sounding far too thankful than was probably necessary.

"The food here can't be that bad," Cloud reasoned.

"It's alright, but they don't give you nearly enough."

Cloud eyed him suspiciously. "Are they rationing you? Are you even allowed to eat this stuff?" His gaze darted to where he knew the injury was beneath his hospital gown, if only to accent his point further.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," Zack said simply.

Not the most comforting words, but Cloud gave in anyway. "What do you want?"

"Just dump em' all on the bed," he said, taking considerable pains to scoot himself to the side before gesturing to the sheets.

Releasing a short sigh, Cloud did as he was told and emptied his bag over the bed, all the contents (as well as a few pencils and a small notebook) landing in a graceless pile. Putting everything that wasn't food back inside, he watched as Zack picked through the assortment.

"Aw, nice, Cosmo Crackers. You like these?" he asked, holding up a bag of spicy crackers that were notorious for their saltiness.

Cloud shrugged. "Sure."

"There's just not a lot of guys who do. They're more popular on the other continent, you know?"

Cloud hummed in agreement.

"Are you from Midgar?" Zack asked a second later.

"No." Right, he should expand. "Uh, I'm from a town called Nibelheim."

"Oh, so you are from the other continent. Makes sense I guess."

"What about you?"

"Me? Gongaga."

Despite himself, Cloud snickered.

"Hey, what's so funny about that? You've heard of it?"

"No. It's just such a backwater name."

Zack pouted. "Ditto Nibelheim."

It was Cloud's turn to pout, though his was more akin to a glare. "Like you've even been there."

"I haven't. But there's a reactor there, right? A mako reactor outside Midgar usually means—"

"Nothing else out there," they both finished at the same time.

Zack laughed, Cloud chuckling a bit under his breath even as his cheeks flushed. Thankfully, Zack was still quite focused on the snacks and didn't appear to notice. In fact, he was making quite a bit less eye contact than usual. Cloud could tell because Zack's intense, in-your-face way of communicating usually had him shying back no matter their proximity.

"Are you doing okay?" Cloud asked, a tense surge of anxiety rushing up through him.

"Huh?" Zack finally looked up. "Oh, yeah, I'm good. Just…" He fidgeted in place, poking some at one of the IVs in his arm.

Cloud, on the other hand, slowly realized that it wasn't his injury that was bothering him, but something else.

"Just spit it out," he said simply.

"Like you're one to talk," Zack practically accused. "You still haven't told me why you refused to talk to me for so long."

It was a point that Cloud wanted to argue, but even as he opened his mouth to do so, nothing came out. Instead, he was left looking like a gaping fish as Zack stared up at him. Which wasn't much better than telling the truth, really, because he knew that if he didn't say something soon, it was going to become a broken stitch in whatever friendship he could make with Zack.

Let alone the other secrets he was keeping.

"I was just…" he finally started, his words coming out choppy as he self-consciously gripped his soulmark and turned to the side. "I was just scared of you… I guess." Not the whole truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie either. "I still sort of am, in a way." He flinched following, expecting to hear laughter or, worse, be ridiculed.

But when all he got was silence, he hesitantly dared to look Zack's way again.

"There's no reason to be scared of me, Cloud," Zack eventually said, his voice almost too gentle, which in turn caused Cloud further embarrassment. "I get I'm a first, but it's not like I'm gonna bite or something."

"It's not that kind of scared," Cloud quickly corrected, as that mistake as far as context would make the whole thing even worse.

Zack frowned thoughtfully. "Well, I think the same principle applies. It's not like I look down on you or something. Or think I'm better than you. I get that some SOLDIERS are assholes, but I'm not like that. To anyone. Or I try not to be."

"Why did you bother with me at all?" Cloud dared to ask. "I'm nothing impressive."

"What are you talking about? You've got plenty going for you. Besides, it's not like muscles or stature matter. Sure, you're skinny and, well, short, let's be honest, but it's not like I looked any better than you do at your age. SOLDIERS get all their strength from the mako at the end of the day. What matters is everything else."

Yet, even so, Cloud didn't understand. He wasn't any smarter or braver or more skilled than anyone else. Even with Zack's reasoning, it didn't make any sense.

"You should think a little more of yourself," Zack added lastly. "If it's what you want, then you just have to go for it. And if a first is trying to help you, you should just accept and be grateful." It was a scolding, Zack sounding more adult than he had in a while. Which only reminded Cloud all the more of the distance between them.

Unable to think of a response, he said nothing, instead continuing to stare off to the side. Zack, meanwhile, sighed, but let it slide.

"You think too much," he added lastly, before refocusing in on the snacks. "Though I guess I get accused of doing the opposite. Maybe we should learn from each other. You can teach me to use my brain more often and I can teach you how to forget about yours."

"You use your brain plenty, Zack."

"See, that's not always true. I know my brain is up there bursting with smarts, but I have this bad habit of not listening. I call it my stupid filter, only instead of filtering the stupid out, it filters it in."

Cloud almost laughed. Almost. "You don't have a stupid filter," he said quietly. "You're not stupid at all."

Fiddling with a chip bag, Zack shrugged. "You know, I kind of thought you'd think differently of me. I mean, that's nice and all, but you give off this kind of… superior, I'm-smarter-than-you-and-I-know-it vibe."

Cloud frowned. "Thanks…"

"Hey, I'm just saying it's nice that it's not true," Zack explained. "Maybe I was a little scared of you too, in a way."

A statement that Cloud found quite baffling. But pursuing it seemed like it'd get him in a little deeper than he wanted to go, so he decided against it.

"Have you figured out which snacks you want?" Cloud asked instead.

"I have to pick?"

"Well yeah. I just got out of class—I want some too."

"But I like them all…"

Cloud huffed.

"Can't we just share?" Zack asked, looking all too much like a puppy as he did.

"I don't like sharing," Cloud said simply. "Consequences of being an only child."

"Hey, I'm an only child too and I learned how to share. Besides, I'm the one that's hurt. Shouldn't you be more generous?"

"I don't believe in offering circumstantial privileges."

"Gee, okay, see if I ever help you with SOLDIER stuff again."

"A commitment you made that can't be undone now."

"You and Angeal would probably get along great, you know that? You're both total hard-asses."

"I'll just eat the ones I want and you'll have to eat fast to get more before I do," Cloud decided, reaching out for a bag of ruffled Stamp chips.

"No, I love those," Zack whined. "Please share. Please, please, please."

"I'll think about it," Cloud decided, before taking a step back and plopping down in the closest chair. Zack muttered something under his breath that earned him a critical look, which in turn had him sticking out his tongue.

They sat munching for only a minute or two, before Zack made an alarmed noise that had Cloud looking his way.

"Angeal brought me my laptop," he said, pointing to the counter behind the chairs. Turning his head over his shoulder, Cloud spotted it sitting just behind him. "You wanna watch a movie or something?"

Cloud thought about it for only a second. "Sure," he decided. Standing, he grabbed the laptop before taking it over to the bed. Zack took it readily, before beginning to sweep the snacks further down the bed. This cleared space beside him, though to what end Cloud wasn't entirely sure.

"What do you wanna watch?" Zack asked, cracking the laptop open as he did.

"Uh, anything is fine with me," Cloud said quietly, still staring at the cleared area of the bed. It was causing his stomach to twist, apprehension rising through his chest.

"I just downloaded that new robot ninja girl movie that I heard was pretty good," he continued, clicking away at his computer as he did. "I heard the animation makes it worth watching all on its own."

"That's fine," Cloud muttered.

"Great! Here, sit down so I can balance the laptop between us."

He said it so casually, completely unaware of the mental breakdown Cloud was trying to keep under control. But he also knew that if he didn't climb up into the bed beside Zack soon, he was going to draw more attention to himself than he wanted. Then again, if he told Zack he was uncomfortable sitting so close to him, he'd probably understand.

But Cloud also kind of liked the idea of sitting right beside him, so if he set a precedent for discomfort with close contact, he'd have to live with that forever.

"Cloud?"

Blinking stupidly, he finally looked up from the bed to meet Zack's gaze. "Uh, sorry," he muttered. "Zoned out."

Deciding to be brave, Cloud swallowed his nerves and set his focus on his shoes. Kicking them off, he then sat down on the edge of the bed before biting the bullet and pulling his feet up as well. Zack said nothing—because of course he didn't—and was instead quite focused on navigating his computer. Which gave Cloud enough time to pull his legs up and settle a bit better against the back of the bed. He and Zack were still quite close, however, because it wasn't like the hospital beds were huge. Cloud tried to reason with himself that Zack had carried him around and touched him plenty already, but somehow that only made the whole thing worse.

"I need your leg out like mine," Zack said a second later, forcing Cloud to unravel himself from his self-inflicted bubble until his legs were stretched out down the bed, one of them practically leaning against Zack's own. Thankfully, Zack was covered in a blanket from the waist down, so it wasn't like their legs could actually… touch.

God, Cloud hated himself so much in those moments.

Leaning forward, Zack then scooped up all the snacks and plopped them down between them, plenty of the bags ending up in both their laps. Oddly enough, having the snacks between them was comforting. Like a barrier of plastic that reminded Cloud this whole thing wasn't as intimate as his mind was pretending it was.

Balancing the laptop just above both their knees so it was centered between them, Zack started the movie playing before once again delving into his current cracker bag. Remembering that he too had an open bag, Cloud popped some of his own chips into his mouth and hoped his chewing wasn't as loud as it sounded in his own ears.

"I really like this animation," Zack started. "They usually do a lot of, like, family type stories, so it's going to be cool to see them work on some action-y stuff."

"Oh…"

"Do you not like this?" Zack asked and looked over at him. "We can watch something else."

"It—It's fine," Cloud assured. "Uh, we just… didn't get a lot of stuff like this in Nibelheim, so I don't know much about it." Anything that was a digital release never got outside Midgar. It's have taken years for Cloud to get ripped copies eventually mailed to his old house.

"Oh, right. I guess I didn't really get to watch a lot of this stuff until I'd been in Midgar for a while. My friend Aerith, she really likes cartoons and stuff, so she got me into these movies. Hey, don't forget, you need to share those chips."

Using the opportunity to sigh in exasperation, Cloud held out the bag so Zack could reach his hand in and grab a few. When offered some of Zack's crackers, he silently shook his head and kept his attention trained on the screen.

Truth be told, he was hardly paying attention to the movie. He was hyper-aware of everything Zack was doing, from the way he was crunching on crackers, to how he leaned back to dump the crumbs from the bag into his mouth, to how he rifled around for something else in their pile, to how he struggled to get the next bag of chips open. He ended up tugging way too hard at the seams, splitting it down the middle and sending cheese puffs scattering into his lap and quite a few into Cloud's.

"Oops," he muttered, before beginning to pick the puffs up one by one and shove them into his mouth.

"Hey!" Cloud objected, when Zack started reaching for the puffs in _his_ lap. "You spilled them. These ones are mine now." He shoved Zack's hand back, ignoring how the older boy pouted. "Sharing is caring, remember?"

"I take it back, you're not nice."

"And I take back all these snacks."

"What I meant to say was that you're the nicest person I've ever met."

Cloud "mmhmmed."

Having finished his bag of Stamp chips, Cloud grabbed another snack. Another chip variety, which _he_ opened without any difficulty. They were some kind of corn chip in the shape of tiny cones, which he unconsciously stuck on the tips of his fingers like claws out of childhood habit before slowly eating them.

The movie was flashy and entertaining, but Cloud was so distracted otherwise that he couldn't even remember what it'd been about thus far, which wasn't really a great loss because about fifteen minutes in, Zack was groaning with discomfort.

"What?" Cloud asked as he turned to him.

"I think watching the screen is making me nauseous. But it's fine. I'll just close my eyes for a minute and it'll go away."

Cloud was already frowning. "Or we just don't watch a movie." Reaching out, he was shutting the laptop even as Zack was opening his mouth to object.

"No, no, it's fine, you can watch it."

"I didn't come here to watch movies," Cloud said, realizing too late that he'd have to inevitably follow up on his statement. "I came here to… see you." A lame reason, yes, and hardly as expanded as it should be (which probably made it worse), but at least it was true.

"Aw, really?" Zack was grinning far too much. "You're just as sweet as you are nice."

"Don't fucking push it," Cloud warned, eating a chip off his pointer finger as he did.

"Or what? You'll stab me with your witch fingers?"

"Maybe." Cloud replaced the chip on his pointer finger that he'd only just eaten, being very nonchalant about it as he did. Which had Zack snickering, before he very abruptly yanked his own hand up—IV and all—to reveal that he too had stuck the same type of corn chips over the tips of his own fingers. He waggled them in the air, moving slowly closer to Cloud's face as he did.

Allowing only the smallest of smiles to pull up the corners of his lips, Cloud eyed Zack's fingers with a shrewdness he knew he'd inherited from his mother, before finally turning away in a manner that was haughtily unaffected.

"Don't play with your food, Zack," he said simply, before eating another of his own chips off his finger.

"But that's what makes it fun," Zack replied, still snickering to himself as his fingers drew closer and closer to Cloud's face. Eyeing him out of the corners of his eyes, Cloud did his best to stare at those ridiculous fingers and not get sidetracked by Zack's handsome face. He mostly succeeded, managing to keep a generally straight face as Zack's teasing hand closed in. Perhaps it was expected that he'd shy back or even break in order to laugh and shove Zack away. But that simply wasn't the case, Cloud remaining stonily unaffected, slowly deciding that turning his flat look upon Zack's own eyes would be more effective than watching his fingers, which were now so close that they were hard to see.

It was indeed a struggle to keep a straight face when the chip on Zack's pointer finger skimmed the side of his nose, but he stayed strong. His lips pursed only slightly when the chip moved to the inside of his nostril, Zack slowly tracing the edge before gradually beginning to push the chip higher and higher.

Which left Cloud with two options: he could either give in and laugh, which he was pretty sure was exactly what Zack wanted, or he could do something equally ridiculous.

Being the competitive sort of person that he was—despite generally coming out on the losing end—Cloud decided on the latter. Continuing with his hard stare, he waited until Zack was becoming visibly uncertain about his lack of objection, before he released a short breath and harshly snorted up through his nose.

This, naturally, sucked the chip right off Zack's finger and further up Cloud's nostril. Zack, meanwhile, was visibly startled and yanked his hand back, before scoffing once and divulging into a skeptical laugh. And as Cloud continued to stare blankly at him with the chip still shoved up his nose, Zack's laugh eventually turned gigglier.

Which was when Cloud reached up, pressed on his other nostril to plug it, aimed, and blew as much air down through his nose as he could muster.

The chip went shooting out, Zack gasping and attempting to dodge. He only really succeeded in moving his face out of the way (Cloud's initial target), the chip instead hitting his throat before bouncing off and tumbling down into his lap.

"Dude! Gross!" Zack exclaimed, still laughing as he instinctively swatted the chip from his lap. It flew to the side, landing on the floor a second later.

Cloud, meanwhile, was rolling his eyes. "You fight disgusting monsters all the time. Please."

"Monsters are naturally gross," Zack defended. "Human grossness, on the other hand, should be voluntary. I don't need your nose cooties."

"You started it," Cloud reminded. "Now look, you've wasted a perfectly good chip."

"You wasted it."

"Who was the one digging around in my nose with it?"

"I didn't think you were going to snort it!"

"Shows what you know about me."

"That you've probably snorted worse things in your life?"

Cloud was not amused. "I paid for that chip, you know. I expect it not be wasted."

"What, you want me to eat it?" Zack asked, looking down at the now infamous chip.

Cloud shrugged.

"Cuz I will," Zack said, the words sounding more like a threat as he turned again to Cloud. "I'll eat it."

"Do it."

Zack's gaze narrowed for just a second, before his whole face sprang back into a smile. "Okay!" He immediately turned to try and get out of bed—to retrieve the chip, obviously—which finally had Cloud breaking into a laugh as he reached out to grab Zack's arm.

"No, don't eat it!" he said through his laughter, pulling Zack back as he did. "That's disgusting!"

"You don't think I'll do it?" Zack threatened again.

"I'm telling you not to!"

"I'll do it right now." Zack once again made an effort to try and leave the bed, Cloud yanking him back yet again.

"Okay, I believe you. Just leave it."

"I feel like this is a challenge now."

"It's not," Cloud assured, glad when Zack finally stilled. Taking a huffing breath, he sat back as well, eyeing Zack critically as his shrewdness returned. "You wouldn't have eaten it…"

Zack stared at him for only a second, before he was once again jolting into action and attempting to get off the bed at the discarded chip.

"No!" Cloud shouted, laughing more as he again grabbed Zack by the arm and pulled him back.

"My honor is at stake!"

"My sanity is at stake! Besides, you shouldn't be getting out of bed!"

Finally, Zack stopped struggling, turning back to Cloud and flashing him a smile before settling back against the pillows. "Yeah, you're right," he agreed, sounding altogether too clever. "Oh, pudding!" he exclaimed a second later, rifling through the snacks to hold up the one chocolate pudding cup that had been left in the cafeteria. Glaring at Cloud, he pulled it off to the side. "This is mine."

"You can have it," Cloud replied simply, finishing off his chips before grabbing a cheese stick. Tearing away the plastic, he started to peel it into strips, ignoring Zack as best that he could. Zack, who nestled his pudding protectively in his lap and reached for a cheese stick of his own.

Remaining determinedly focused on his own cheese, Cloud did his best to ignore everything else. Which was obviously a lost cause.

"Hey, look," Zack said a minute later. "I'm a walrus."

Turning up to him, Cloud saw that he had split his cheese stick in half and shoved the ends up onto his slightly pointed canines, allowing what remained to hang down out of his mouth like tusks.

Cloud sighed. This was what the rest of his life was going to be, wasn't it?

"What sound do walruses make?" Zack asked.

"I'm going to say that that's probably information you don't need to know."

"You think it's like an elephant? Like—" He made some kind of obnoxious, high-pitched whine, which was definitely not what walruses (or elephants) sounded like. Thankfully, his efforts resulted in the left side of his cheese coming loose and landing in his lap. He stared at it for just a second, before shrugging and shoving what was left attached to his teeth into his mouth. He then made short work of the other half, before setting his focus back on his pudding.

Had he grabbed that cheese stick specifically because Cloud had only bought two, so he'd wanted to make sure he got one?

Somehow, Cloud was getting the feeling more and more that Zack only played dumb. He'd never thought Zack was dumb at all, personally, but maybe there was a bit more intention behind his actions than Cloud had originally figured.

He'd have to keep an eye on him, or so he thought, even as he was taking two strips of his own cheese stick and shoving them up his nose.

"Look," Cloud said, deadpan, "I'm an elephant."

Zack laughed for just a second, before his expression became both suspicious and doubtful.

"Do you know why?" Cloud asked.

"…Why…?"

He became darkly serious. "Because an elephant never forgets."

Zack feigned startled fear for only a moment, before he was once again overcome by giggling laughter. Taking his pudding cup, he held it up under the cheese in Cloud's nose, seemingly intent on dunking the ends.

"Don't do that," Cloud said, trying to lean back.

"I bet cheese and chocolate tastes great together," he reasoned, once again trying to dunk the ends of the cheese. He missed, dunking Cloud's chin instead. Which resulted in more giggling as Cloud vainly tried to shove him back.

As he did, both strands of cheese fell out of his nose, one landing on his shirt while the other plopped into the pudding.

Zack gasped dramatically.

"No! Not my pudding!" he exclaimed, first appearing surprised before utter devastation overtook his expression. "It's ruined!"

"Your fault," Cloud reasoned. "Just take it out." He tried to make a grab for the cheese strand, but Zack pulled the pudding cup out of reach.

"It has your nasty boogers in it now!"

"My nose is clean."

"It's tainted!" Zack rebuked. "And your nose is _not_ clean. I know exactly, in intimate detail, how much trouble you're always getting into."

"But physically," Cloud objected, once again trying to retrieve the strand of cheese.

"Don't touch it!" Zack held it out over the side of the bed, out of Cloud's reach. "You'll make it _worse_!" He feigned crying, which only made Cloud all the more determined. He tried to yank Zack back by the arm (he wasn't about to lean over his injured abdomen or anything totally stupid), but all he really ended up doing was pulling Zack off balance.

The pudding cup slipped from his hand, flipping in the air before landing upside-down on the floor with a very audible "plop."

"Oh," Cloud said as he leaned just far enough over to get a look at it. "Too bad."

"NO!" Zack cried desperately. "Agh, my _pudding_! My precious snack! My ONLY HOPE IN THIS BLEAK, UNFORGIVING WORLD!"

Cloud snorted and sat back.

"I'll never recover from this tragedy…" He continued to sniffle.

Meanwhile, Cloud reached up with one finger and started to swipe at his chin, which was mostly covered in a layer of pudding. He then started to suck the pudding off his finger, before repeating the motion. This drew Zack's poutiness his way—poutiness that turned to jaded resentment.

Yet, despite this, Cloud still wasn't expecting it when his soulmate surged over to his side of the bed. Tongue at the ready, Zack made one successful lick at Cloud's chin before he could shy back out of the way.

"Zack! What the hell?!" Cloud exclaimed, instinctively wanting to reach up and scrub at his chin, but remembering the pudding still lathered there just in time to stop himself.

Zack, meanwhile, licked his lips and laughed. "Kinda salty."

Cloud glared, before beginning to look around for anything to wipe his face with. There wasn't much in the way of options close by, seeing as he didn't want to resort to the sheets or _licking._ Like a _barbarian_.

Zack, meanwhile, stuck out his tongue and edged closer again. He waggled the slimy appendage tauntingly, Cloud's nostrils flaring in outrage as he backed up as far as he could get. The railing bordering the bed trapped him in a pseudo-corner, the only option for escape being a very dramatic vault over the side.

"Zack, don't be gross!" he ordered, his chin pressed back against his neck defensively. But, of course, Zack failed to heed his words. He kept leaning closer and closer, tongue ever in motion. Whipping his hand up, Cloud pressed it over Zack's face. Well above his mouth, thus covering the other boy's eyes and squashing in his nose as he attempted to keep him at bay.

"Gah, Cloud!" Zack exclaimed, which had his tongue retreating back to where it belonged. He attempted to shake Cloud off to little avail, before reaching up to try and scrape him away. This was moderately more successful, Cloud's hand dropping lower and nearly down Zack's chin. But he caught himself before he could be overpowered, instead clamping his hand over Zack's lips.

"Stop trying to lick me!" Cloud ordered.

Which, of course, inspired Zack to do the exact opposite, his eyes nearly going crossed as he tried to get a view of Cloud's hand. Before his tongue was plastering itself all over Cloud's palm.

"Agh, what are you?! A dog?!" Waving his hand around dramatically, Cloud's lip curled before he finally had the sense to wipe his moistened palm on a pillow. All his griping gave Zack an opening, however, Cloud too slow to do anything more than gasp dramatically as Zack dove forward. His tongue, once more exposed, dragged its sloppy way up from the base of Cloud's chin to his bottom lip, clearing away any pudding in its path.

Cloud couldn't tell if he was grossed out or flustered, which only served to produce what felt like the hottest, reddest blush that had ever assaulted his person, his hands stiff and braced against Zack's body because he feared pushing too hard would injure him in his delicate state.

His voice, however, would not.

"Stop licking me!" he shouted, once more attempting to lean back.

And while Zack did, in fact, retreat, it was only after he'd dealt the blow, so that hardly counted as a victory. It didn't help that as soon as he leaned back, his eyes went wide above his gaping mouth, before a great burst of laughter erupted from his mouth.

"Oh my god, your _face_!" he managed to say through his laughter. "I've never seen anyone literally _turn red_ before!" He continued cackling.

"I have very pale skin! I can't help it!" Cloud rebuked hotly, aware that he was feeling hotter all the time. He was going to start sweating here pretty soon, or maybe steam would start streaming out of his ears. "And you _licked me_! Twice!"

Zack just kept laughing, flopping back against the pillows as he did.

Hands balling into fists, Cloud growled, still uncertain whether he was angry or just flustered. His heart was beating so fast in his chest that his whole body was left feeling jittery and rushed, like a thousand ants were crawling up under his skin. It was a sensation he sort of didn't like but also kind of did, which was very confusing and ultimately led to him saying something stupid.

"How would you feel if I licked you, huh?!" he asked, aware that the smart thing to do to de-escalate the situation would be to get huffy, wipe off his chin, and turn away (thus, Zack would have to apologize). Or he could walk away, but he wasn't quite that angry. The solution was _not_ to egg on the man that had just tried to eat his booger-chip off the floor.

Maybe he actually wanted to lick Zack? Oh god, did he _like_ Zack licking _him_?

No, no, it wasn't the licking. It was just… the closeness.

And perhaps the fact that Zack's tongue had touched his lip had something to do with it too.

Cloud was not prepared for this.

"Do it!" Zack dared back, straightening and staring Cloud dead in the eyes as he did, no blinking.

Which left Cloud to waver in place, lips pursing as redness continued to flood his face in tandem with the throbbing of his heartbeat.

The seconds ticked by, Zack's gaze narrowing. "I knew it," he said. "You're a chicken."

Cloud scowled. _He was_ _ **not**_ _._

"I'll lick you!" he persisted threateningly.

"Then do it!"

"I will!"

"Good!"

"I'll lick you right now!"

"Just do it then!"

"Fine!"

"Come on!"

Cloud felt it, the way the air between them crackled almost violently. For half a second, his whole body was flooded with butterflies as the most ludicrous idea tripped across his thoughts. What if he licked Zack the way Zack had licked him, but instead of stopping at his lip, he kept going. Until his lips were on Zack's and Zack was pressing back against him and they were moving carelessly together, neither of them knowing the other but wanting to learn as quickly as possible. Cloud would run his fingers back through Zack's hair and Zack would wrap his arms fully around him until they were flush together.

And Cloud would just kiss and kiss and kiss him. He'd never done such things before, but that wouldn't stop him from kissing Zack all over his stupid, handsome face.

He wanted to kiss every inch of Zack's face. Every inch of Zack, for that matter. Which was a thought that sent his stomach surging into his chest, heat once again exploding up through his whole body.

All of it for Zack, who just kept watching him, waiting with pink-dusted cheeks and something shockingly ravenous in his bright eyes.

"Excuse me."

They both whipped their heads up to where a nurse was now standing in the open doorway, the entire room cooling so fast that Cloud was certain someone had cast an ice spell.

"Could you tone down the volume?" she asked, sounding none too pleased with them.

"Oh, uh, sure, sorry," Zack replied, looking a bit like he'd had the wind knocked out of him.

The nurse's eyes squinted. "You should be resting, Mr. Fair," she added. "Not getting rambunctious. Do I need to escort your friend from medical?"

"No, we'll be quiet," Zack assured. "I'll stay calm."

She didn't look wholly convinced, but nodded nonetheless. Casting them one last severe look, she turned away, closing the door behind her.

For a few seconds, neither Cloud nor Zack said anything, the two of them wallowing in their bad behavior and… whatever else it was that had been sparking between them. It was near enough to fry Cloud's brain, every thought in his brain still frozen in place. It wasn't until Zack produced a napkin from somewhere on his other side that he came back to reality.

"Sorry I licked your face. Twice," Zack said.

"Uh, It's fine." It's " _fine?_!" Why was it fine?! What was he—Just—UGH! Zack was going to think he _liked_ him licking his face or something! Just… let him crawl into a hole and die. "Thanks," he muttered instead, quickly wiping the pudding, and what remained of Zack's saliva, from his face.

"Maybe she's right," Zack said a few seconds later, laying back against his pillows as he did. He looked suddenly tired. Or perhaps he'd always looked tired, but his animated energy had hidden it. Now that he'd been forced to come down, the pale weakness of his person was all the more apparent.

"I should probably go soon anyway," Cloud mumbled.

"No, don't go," Zack said, reaching out to lightly grab Cloud's arm as he did. "I just need to rest a minute, that's all."

"It's late, Zack. If I don't leave soon, I'm not going to be allowed back into the barracks."

"Just give me a sec to get my energy back and then we can stay up doing stupid shit all night. Please. I'm tired of being by myself."

Huffing a light sigh, Cloud remained where he was, though it was still up for debate whether he'd stay much longer or not.

"Besides, you owe me," Zack reasoned. "You destroyed my pudding."

"The pudding I bought," Cloud countered. "Besides, I can just bring you another one tomorrow."

Zack's eyes lit up just a little. "You'll come back tomorrow?"

Doing his best to ignore how his cheeks flushed (again), Cloud tried to reason with the situation. "I've got some training to do, but I'll come by before class."

"Come by after class too."

"I can't do that—I have to work on Wednesday." Therefore, staying up late with Zack was out of the question. "Besides, if I keep spending all this time with you, I'm going to get behind on my training. And studying." He was already behind because of his recovery from being beat up _and_ from using that cure materia.

"Come study here," Zack persisted. "I'll help you."

He sounded, and looked, so pathetic, that Cloud couldn't entirely continue to keep rejecting him.

"I'll think about it," he decided.

A response that hardly pleased Zack, but he finally accepted it anyway.

"And I really should go. The nurse is right—you should be sleeping."

Zack sighed. "Easier said than done."

"You need to try," Cloud said strictly.

"Stay until I fall asleep," Zack said, apparently thinking he was going to find a compromise. And seeing as Cloud knew that Zack had trouble sleeping, he assumed his soulmate was sneakily attempting to keep him there as long as possible.

He gave in anyway. "Fine. But you have to be quiet and close your eyes."

Conditions that Zack didn't appreciate, the sour look on his face making that more than clear. But Cloud held his ground, silently demanding until Zack gave in. Settling more fully into the pillows, he sighed and closed his eyes.

"This doesn't help," he said a second later. "It just makes everything boring."

"No talking."

" _Fine_."

They sat in silence for some time then, Cloud distracting himself with reading the backs of a few snack packages as he waited. He wasn't entirely sure what to expect—whether Zack would actually sleep or not—but when Zack's breathing started to even out, he verified that he had, in fact, fallen asleep. Maybe Zack did have trouble with insomnia normally, but his body was expending a lot of energy healing itself. That combined with the drugs should be making him exhausted.

Watching him for a bit, Cloud eventually decided that he should probably leave. It was getting close to curfew and he had no interest in making the same mistake again. Carefully—so as not to jostle the bed—he slid to the edge of the mattress and quietly climbed down. Turning, he gathered what remained of their snacks and moved them to the counter nearby, before lastly swinging his bag over his shoulder.

Pausing, he turned back to stare at Zack for a long number of seconds, aware that he probably had a small, dopey smile on his face.

"I'm really glad you're okay," his whispered, before forcing himself to turn and make for the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Cloud talking to Zack through Yuffie and neither of them realizing it, hu hu. Poor present day Zack though. He has some problems too. 
> 
> In the past, however, they're both just idiots. Tbh, I'm always a little unsure about chapters like this. I mean, I know Zack and Cloud have to build their friendship, but this kind of character work, well, I'm always afraid it'll fall flat for readers. People usually enjoy it, but I'm still always paranoid that I'll miss the mark, hahaha. Anyway, boys are dumb. 
> 
> Also, feel free to follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--for more dumb bullshit, lol.


	12. Chapter 12

_Present Day_

"Reeve Tuesti is waiting at the hub?" Angeal asked, resituating himself in the passenger seat as Cloud turned the truck down one of the main thoroughfares through Junon's center.

It'd taken Cloud a little while to realize that Angeal's stern, yet obviously answered, questions were actually fueled by discomfort. He also kept straightening the wrinkles in his worn work pants, while unconsciously fingering a stain on his shirt. Frankly, Cloud would have offered to buy him new clothes back in Edge, but had feared that doing so would come off as demeaning. He'd never known Angeal that well and was wary of offending the pride of someone who'd already been through so much. Cloud had a lot of respect for Angeal and didn't want to diminish that fact by coming across as patronizing now that he was the one in the superior position.

"He is, but that's not where we're going," Cloud explained. "We'll get there eventually, but we're going to The Lab first."

"Lab?" Angeal asked, his tone justifiably suspicious.

"It's normal for all ex-SOLDIER employees. Shinra… messed up a lot of good people. I do what I can, but it'd also be plain stupid to hire SOLDIERS without making them jump through a few hoops first. So… sorry in advance."

Angeal released a long sigh. "So, what, psych evals and stuff like that?"

"Some of that, though you'll pass those fine. You're far more stable than some of the guys I pay. We also have to get you started on cell treatment."

This drew Angeal's eyes quickly his way.

"Only some of the SOLDIERS that were part of Hojo's s-type experiments are spared the consequences of degradation, and they're rare these days anyway, because of the fulfilment of the reunion theory. Those who were part of Project G need treatment."

Angeal's expression had darkened some. "You know about all that?"

"Yes, I know about it. I know a lot of things. Much of Hojo and R&D's files have been salvaged by SDS. I make public the ones that won't hurt the personal lives of others, because people deserve the truth, but that means most of Project G and S have been kept under wraps."

"Then you must know that I was Hollander's prime subject."

"I know you were what he considered the crowning glory of Project G. But that doesn't make you any less susceptible to degradation." He spared Angeal a quick look. "Your progress is slow compared to some, but I guess that shouldn't be so surprising."

"It's part of what made recovering after I was stranded in Gongaga so difficult," he admitted. "And why… my legs will never work properly. Why they keep getting worse."

"We can't fix any of that," Cloud continued. "The damage that's already been done can't be undone. But we will neutralize the progression with c-cell treatment."

"C-cell?" Angeal asked. "What's that?"

Cloud pursed his lips, trying not to be made uncomfortable. But he couldn't help it when it came to the reality of how such things had to be done. Still, Angeal wasn't the type to settle for ignorance given the truths he knew, so best to just explain.

"C-cells are… my cells," he explained, which visibly surprised Angeal. "They're s-cells, but retain my own genetic makeup as well. They're the only kind of cell permitted to neutralize g-cell influence."

Angeal wasn't stupid—he'd catch on to his words.

"You don't permit s-cells from other s-type SOLDIERS to be used?"

"No." Cloud tapped his fingers atop the steering wheel. "We were initially hesitant to use s-cells at all, despite how they stopped the degradation. It was theorized that anyone we were injecting s-cells into would become victims of any future attempts at a reunion. Do you know what the reunion is?"

"I know some of what it is from Hojo's theories, but I don't know the specifics."

"It's Jenova's attempt to come together. Her makeup has been broken down to a cellular level now, but that doesn't stop her will from trying to stitch everything together. If we're to believe Hojo's reports, then this phenomenon is… inevitable. Even now, her entire being is gravitating closer, trying to become one.

"This is why the degradation happens." Eyebrows furrowing, Cloud did his best to explain. He wasn't a scientist, after all. "Hollander's manipulation of Jenova's cells is not entirely compatible with us. With people. The degradation happens because the Jenova cells are attempting to overtake the host and end up killing it in the process. Hojo's version is less hostile toward the host, allowing the Jenova cells to have influence without destroying the body. Well, his later versions do, anyway. Plenty of his initial 'Sephiroth clones' suffered physical degradation. Mental degradation too, for that matter."

"If it's true that a reunion is inevitable, why did you decide it was okay to use s-cells at all?" Angeal asked.

"Because of, well…" Where did he start? "So when the reunion happened before meteor, it was because of Jenova, but also because… Jenova's will has been overtaken by Sephiroth's will. Even though she's the source, he's the one in control. Even now." It was a thought that caused Cloud considerable anxiety, but he tried to not actively think on it too often. "That's why the s-cells are so dangerous, because Sephiroth can… directly influence those that have them. He can… get into your mind and control you on a very… literal level. The reunion happens 'naturally' when it comes to all Jenova cells, but because of Sephiroth's genetic connection to those with s-cells, he has a direct link to them."

"Spreading s-cells around would be a very bad idea, then," Angeal said darkly.

"Exactly. But… so many SOLDIERS were suffering from degradation that something had to be done. SOLDIERS are infected on a cellular level, and that can't be purified the same way those with geostigma can be." With the healing water. "It was either figure something out or… let them all die."

"Then there's something different about c-cells. About your cells."

Cloud took a deep breath, ignoring the headache that was blossoming at the back of his head. "What makes my cells different is that my 'will' is… stronger than Sephiroth's." A claim that visibly startled Angeal. "Which means that—based on the available evidence—the cells carrying my genetic makeup should be able to… rebuff Sephiroth's influence."

"Which is why only your s-cells are being used."

"Right… If a reunion does ever happen again, it's 'theorized' that I would be the one in control of those carrying my cells, not Sephiroth or Jenova. Which is why even those with s-cells also get c-cell injections, or reinjections of my specific s-cells."

"A preventative measure," Angeal determined.

"That's the idea," Cloud replied, though even he wasn't entirely sure of the logistics behind it all.

"But how can anyone be certain that's how it'll work? It still seems like a bit of a gamble."

"I know." Cloud wasn't unaware of the risks. "There was some experimentation done beforehand. G-cells, s-cells, and c-cells all went through testing before spreading my cells around was even considered. In every study, the c-cells came out 'on top' I guess, or something. It's hoped, therefore, that should a reunion occur again, that outcome will hold true through it all. I really don't know the details," he finished, waving off the whole thing as he did. "If you want more specifics, you'll have to ask Genesis."

Angeal's eyes went wide. "G—Genesis? First class SOLDIER Genesis?!"

"Uh, yeah. Oh, right, you two knew each other, didn't you?"

"He's alive?" Angeal asked, his tone somewhat breathy.

"Yeah. He's the one that came to me about researching the degradation in the first place." He wasn't entirely sure of everything that had gone down with Genesis and Angeal right before Nibelheim, truth be told. He'd gotten some info second-hand from Zack, but even Zack had been kept mostly in the dark. That was, if his memory served him right (which, ya know, questionable). He knew Genesis abandoned Shinra right before Sephiroth lost his mind, but anything else was outside his knowledge pool.

"Do you know where he's been this whole time?"

"I… never asked him. All I know is that he left SOLDIER way back when I was in infantry."

"He had to," Angeal reasoned. "He murdered Professor Hollander."

Oh, so he'd been on the run. Made sense—Cloud could relate.

"Well, I helped murder Hojo, so I guess that puts us on the same page." And he didn't regret it one bit. Nor did he wholly blame Genesis for doing the same to Hollander. Both he and Hojo had used them as test subjects, ruining hundreds of lives outside of that. The world was better off without them.

"I can't believe he's alive…" Angeal murmured, turning to look out the window. "After all these years…"

"You two were friends?" Cloud asked.

"Yes." Angeal nodded, his gaze turning downcast. "Before SOLDIER. We grew up in Banora together. We didn't know at the time it was because that was the base for Project G, but even so, that didn't change anything. Not until Genesis…"

Oh, Cloud hadn't realized they were that close. Maybe he should have called ahead and let Genesis know they were coming. He doubted either of them would appreciate a public reuniting. Well, maybe he'd take Angeal up to a conference room first and call Genesis up there, instead of just taking him straight into SOLDIER treatment.

"You talk as though Genesis is in charge of all this?" Angeal said a second later.

"He is. He works for me, but he seems to know a lot more about it than most. A lot of the weird jargon in the R&D files is hard to decipher, but he usually makes sense of it."

"That's… surprising."

Cloud frowned. "Is it?"

"He never had much to do with R&D when we were serving together. But… who knows what's happened in the decade since he went off the grid."

"Maybe I need to ask him some more questions," Cloud muttered. Truth be told, his work with Genesis had started well before SDS had taken off. He and his friends had discovered a lot of Shinra bunkers, underground labs, monetary stockpiles, etc, over the years, but it wasn't until Genesis had come to him that he'd thought to use any of it.

Starting The Lab, as it was called by most, hadn't been Genesis' initial interest. He'd been searching for Cloud because he'd discovered the files in Nibelheim and had wanted Cloud's cells specifically to cure his own degradation. He hadn't been all that nice about it either. But after a few volatile scuffles, Genesis decided to _explain_ the problem, instead of trying to constantly swipe handfuls of Cloud's hair. And while Cloud was rather put off by the whole thing, he wasn't about to leave a man to die if he could do something about it, even if it was begrudgingly.

He didn't like that his time with Hojo kept coming back to haunt him, but had accepted that it was part of who he was now whether he liked it or not. In the eyes of many who knew what he'd done, it defined him. Both as a victim and a hero.

After he'd finally agreed to help Genesis, he'd then been kept in the loop as far as everything Genesis was discovering. Which had led to the idea of treating other SOLDIERS, and then hiring those SOLDIERS, and using some of Shinra's money to fund it, and then slapping Cloud's name on it all to make it legitimate? (he still didn't understand that bit). Now, The Lab was funded some by SDS, some by Wallace Alternative Energies, and some by what remained of Shinra's monetary stockpiles and its own revenue.

It'd branched out as well, becoming the biggest medical facility in the world. Which wasn't saying much given the state of the world, but they were making strides nonetheless. Not just with SOLDIER, but in other fields as well.

"So Genesis works for you as well?" Angeal asked, the truck going dark as Cloud drove them into a tunnel.

"Well, sort of. I'm a chair member, along with Barret Wallace. But Genesis is the Administrator. Barret tends to have a more liberal hand in what goes on than I do."

"Barret?"

"Uh, CEO of WAE. We're old friends."

"I bet you are…"

Glancing over, Cloud didn't bother hiding defensive curiosity.

"It's nothing," Angeal replied. "I'm just… absorbing."

Cloud hummed in acknowledgment, just before turning the truck out of the tunnel and up a ramp into a tiered parking structure. Around and around he went, up, up, up until they broke out onto the roof. Which revealed the towering base of the old Shinra building, which spiked up from the top step of the multi-leveled city.

"You guys appropriated the Shinra building," Angeal said flatly, as Cloud pulled up to his designated parking spot just outside the doors into the building.

"It was already there," he muttered, shoving the truck into park as he did.

Shinra building it may have once been, but it'd long since been rebranded. Any and all Shinra paraphernalia had been removed entirely, instead replaced with the new logo, which actually looked a bit like the old SOLDIER logo if it was turned upside-down and made a bit thinner. Seeing as The Lab had first started as a treatment facility for SOLDIERS, this made sense.

Making sure to walk slowly enough that Angeal could keep up, Cloud headed toward the double doors. He had to scan his ID card before they'd open, as they weren't at the publicly accessible part of the building.

"Welcome, President Strife," an automated voice said as the doors slid open, Cloud scowling at the use of the title. He knew he was technically "President" of SDS, but he didn't exactly make a habit of using the term. He preferred Mr. Strife, or even Sir, if such things had to be used at all.

They had to make their way down a short hallway and through another pair of glass doors before they were walking into one of the central administrative lobbies. Two ex-SOLDIERS stood guard on either side of the doors, their uniforms much the same as they'd always been aside from the thick leather belt, which had been removed entirely. They saluted at the sight of Cloud, before their eyes went wide upon spotting Angeal.

Right, a lot of people were going to know who he was.

Cloud ignored them nonetheless, going straight to the large, rounded administrative counter at the center of the lobby. A receptionist waited expectantly behind it, likely having been notified of his arrival the second he'd scanned his ID to get in.

"Welcome, Sir," she said as they reached her, bowing her head as she did. "I—I don't see your arrival scheduled anywhere, um…" She was obviously nervous, which Cloud also ignored. He'd, unfortunately, grown pretty used to that response from people by that point.

"My visit isn't scheduled," he said simply. "Are any of the upper floor conference rooms open?"

"Oh, uh, I—I'll check." Biting her lip, she typed quickly into her computer, clearly still tense as she reviewed the schedules. Cloud, meanwhile, pulled at his glove and tried not to look impatient. "Conference room 80-B is available, Sir."

"Schedule me in for the next hour. And then send a memo to Genesis Rhapsodos telling him I want him to meet me there."

"O—Of course!" She bowed again, while Cloud pushed himself away from the counter before heading around to the back. Angeal followed, the two of them brushing by the carpeted stairs framing the outskirts of the room in favor of the elevator at the back. Once again using his keycard to scan them in, they waited in silence until the elevator arrived.

"What else do you guys do here?" Angeal asked, once they were headed up. He was eyeing the chart on the elevator wall, which had titles designating what each floor was used for.

"Lots of things," Cloud replied. "Medical things, mostly. You're better off asking Genesis for specifics, like I said."

"What's the SOLDIER ward?" he asked, his fingers lingering on the title.

"Oh, that's… that's where we house SOLDIERS whose degradation got so bad that, even if we treated them, they'd be… It's for those who don't have any hope left." If he was speaking plainly, which he was best at anyway. "It's a locked facility, where we try to… get them to the end with as little suffering as possible. Some of them do get c-cell treatment, if their quality of life is acceptable even if they can't live on their own, while others, well, we just try to keep them comfortable."

"I see…" Angeal's gaze dropped, the two of them once again falling silent. But after a few heavy beats, Angeal did turn his gaze Cloud's way. "It's good, what you guys are doing. What you're doing."

Cloud felt himself stiffen with unease. "It's mostly Genesis in charge here…"

"But it's because of you," Angeal clarified strictly. "You've made it possible to help those that the world would have abandoned otherwise. I'm proud of you, Strife, if it's not too untoward to say."

"Thanks…" Though he really didn't think he deserved that much credit. Genesis and his team, they were the ones doing all the work.

"Zack…" Angeal continued. "Zack would be so proud of you too. Very proud."

Turning away, Cloud pushed back on the ball of pressure that pushed up through him, pursing his lips against the poignancy of Angeal's words. If there was anyone that had known and loved Zack as much as he had, it was Angeal, which made his words all the heavier. And that much harder to grapple with.

He found that he couldn't respond, everything inside of him choking at the very idea of saying anything. So he didn't, thankful when Angeal retained the silence.

Soon they were on the 80th floor, Cloud leading the way down the ornate hall before taking a right. Conference room B was at the end, the door sliding open as he once again scanned his ID to gain access.

The room was much brighter than the hall, sunlight filtering in through the many windows. It glistened atop the glass table and ignited the whole space in a warm glow. Cloud went to the windows, looking out across the city and the sea, while Angeal took a heavy seat in one of the chairs, sounding tired as he vainly tried to make himself comfortable.

Once again, they were content with silence, Cloud doing his best to push thoughts of the past aside even as Angeal's presence remained a hefty reminder. This focus distracted him for quite a while, until the doors to the conference room were once again sliding open.

"I get that you're an important guy," Genesis was saying as soon as he entered, "but I'm kind of _busy_ , you kn—"

Turning, Cloud was just in time to see the way Genesis' eyes landed on Angeal, his face going pale with shock a second later. Which was quite a sight, as Genesis was quite blasé and unreadable most of the time, constantly trying to lead others astray as to his thoughts. Seeing him so raw so suddenly was very… humanizing. Which was a quality more SOLDIERS needed, frankly.

"Angeal?" he whispered.

Much like the very man he addressed, he'd aged some over the years. Unnaturally so, his long red hair—which he wore in a braid over his shoulder—possessing the same thick white streaks that Angeal's did. He'd abandoned the scarlet coat Cloud had once recognized him for—back in his infantry days—and instead donned a simple white lab coat. Underneath, he wore a black turtleneck, slacks, and loafers. His own degradation had resulted in considerable muscle and vision loss, as well as a hardly-noticeable twitch in his shoulder. Looking at him then—thin with equally thin glasses—one would never have imagined he was once one of the most celebrated and feared SOLDIERS to ever grace Shinra.

"Hey," Angeal replied, struggling some to get up as he did. "Long time no see."

Still shocked and pale, it took Genesis a moment to react. But upon seeing the way Angeal was staggering, he moved forward and grabbed him by his last remaining elbow, helping him to stay balanced.

"I thought you were dead," he murmured.

"I thought _you_ were dead," Angeal replied, the smallest of smiles pulling at one corner of his lips. Which in turn had Genesis' own smile sparking into life, before it fell away uncertainly only to flash back. Like he couldn't decide if he was happy or worried.

"Fuck's sake, Angeal," he eventually muttered, sounding broken before moving in and wrapping his arms around Angeal's shoulders. It was a move that clearly surprised Angeal, but only for a second before he was returning the embrace, wrapping his one arm around Genesis' back.

Cloud, to his credit, looked away, giving them the privacy they deserved. He only glanced back when they started speaking again, the two of them having pulled apart.

"You look like shit," Genesis started, which earned him a bitter laugh from Angeal. "What the hell happened to your arm?"

"Shinra happened," Angeal replied.

"Ha, yeah, didn't it? I think Shinra happened to everyone." It was then that he turned his attention to Cloud, scowling. "You could have fucking said something."

Cloud shrugged. "I didn't realize how well you two knew each other."

"Did you find him?" he asked, one of his hands still resting on Angeal's arm. Protectively, perhaps.

"We came across each other," Angeal interjected, which yanked Genesis' attention back his way. "Strife offered me a job working under Reeve Tuesti, so here I am."

"You should have come here a long time ago," Genesis practically scolded. "You need treatment. Now. Before your degradation gets worse."

"I've been pretty well off the grid," Angeal replied. "I didn't even know about this place."

"Better late than never," Cloud added.

"Better earlier than late," Genesis countered hotly. "We need to get you down to the SOLDIER treatment center." He once again had his focus on Angeal. "Like, right now."

"I'm not going to die this very second," Angeal reasoned.

"You don't know that. The variances in degradation are completely unpredictable. One moment someone is fine and the next they're foaming at the mouth. You already look like you're half-broken. Now let's go!"

"Since when are you a scientist anyway?" Angeal asked, limping along behind Genesis as he dragged him toward the door.

Cloud followed lastly, content to remain quiet.

"Since I've been dick deep in all of Hollander and Hojo's research," he replied, the three of them heading out the door and back down the hall. Genesis kept a tight hold on Angeal's arm the whole time, holding him up some when it was clear Angeal was struggling.

An office job would probably suit him well.

"What do you think I was doing after I left Shinra? Jerking off?"

"Well, you never said anything to me," Angeal countered.

"I've spent the last decade trying to figure out all the shit they did to us."

"Murdering Hollander was a bad first step."

"Fucker deserved it," Genesis rebuked, the three of them stepping into the elevator a second later. Scanning his own ID, Genesis directed them to floor 54, the door sliding closed as he did. "Besides, he was a hack to begin with. We're lucky we even survived his bullshit. Him and Hojo both. Did you know that Hojo was Sephiroth's biological father?" Angeal's eyebrow twitch made it clear he had not. "Yeah, him and Hollander sure had a lot in common for hating each other so much."

"What do you mean?" Cloud interrupted.

"Hollander was my biological father," Angeal explained, his tone cold. "Father being a liberal term, as his contribution to my life was little more than an experiment in its own right." Just a meshing of one thing with another to get a desired result.

Apparently all of Shinra's scientists had a habit of contributing their sperm to their research, Gast having been no exception despite his intentions having been less objectionable.

"They had absolutely no oversight," Genesis continued. "You'd be amazed at the things they were allowed to do."

Angeal frowned. "Probably not."

"Do you need me here?" Cloud asked as the elevator stopped and opened up to the 54th floor.

"No, I've got plenty of your cellular juices in jars," he replied, which had Cloud clicking his tongue in annoyance as they all filed out into the hall.

At which point, they went stock-still, Angeal's eyes focusing in on the memorial just outside the entrance leading into the SOLDIER treatment facility. Cloud, despite knowing it was there, found that he was just as taken aback by it, its existence having slipped his mind—as so many things tended to do despite his slow recovery.

It was a simple, unadorned display. An enlarged photo of Zack's official First Class portrait, his face turned to the side in order to reveal his masculine profile as he stared determinedly ahead. It was shielded within a simple gold frame, the plaque underneath reading only this:

_"In loving memory of Zack Fair—the best of us."_

Genesis was the one who'd put it up, asshole that he was. The first time Cloud had seen it, he'd been so taken aback that he'd left it behind in an angry rush, demanding to know who'd put it up. Genesis hadn't been bothered by his quiet rage, being one of the few people who knew in acute detail exactly what Hojo had done to both him and Zack, down to the very last cell they'd been injected with. No, Genesis hadn't known Zack that well, not personally, but he'd known of him through Angeal. And, frankly, his death had been one of the most tragic to ever befall any SOLDIER, or so he'd reasoned. As if that somehow justified it. There was a similar plaque of Angeal a few floors higher, making it clear that Genesis was apparently more sentimental than he would lead people to believe. Because no matter how Cloud had demanded that the photo of Zack be removed, it'd remained.

He'd come to accept it now, even if the sight of it did stab him painfully through the chest.

It was appropriate, to have it there, he supposed. And if it was taken down now, well, that'd probably make him just as angry as he'd been the first time he'd seen it.

He had a copy of the same photo on his person, tucked inside his shirt. He never looked at it, but it was there. Genesis had given it to him, neither of them ever commenting on the gift otherwise. Somehow, Genesis knew what Zack was to him, or had been. He'd never asked, but he knew. Maybe he'd seen it in Cloud's face when he'd stared at his faded soulmark—the same sadness he felt any time Zack had inevitably come up during their "scientific" discussions.

Angeal, meanwhile, had stumbled out of Genesis' hold, hobbling closer to the large memorial. He came to a stop just in front of it, silent for some time. Both Genesis and Cloud stayed quiet as well, watching. It was only when Angeal took an audibly trembling breath that Cloud felt his own composure start to crack.

Reaching out, Angeal hesitantly allowed the tips of his fingers to brush over the glass. He drew them down along the line of Zack's hair, his hand then turning over so the backs of his knuckles grazed Zack's jaw. Another breath left his whole body shaking, his shoulders sagging as he wavered in place.

Genesis bolted forward immediately, taking hold of his elbow again in order to keep him in place. While Cloud…

Cloud had to look away. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to count up and down in tandem with his breathing. In and out, in and out, until the pressure in his chest was at least contained, though hardly under control.

But it was enough to let him escape.

"I have some errands to run," he said, voice rough. "I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up." He didn't bother to look back and see if they'd turned his way. Instead, he put his focus pointedly on the elevator, forcing his legs to work one at a time. They carried him successfully through the doors, Cloud having to use the railing for support as he scanned in his ID and punched the button for the lobby floor.

Closing his eyes again, he reminded himself over and over again how to breathe.

_9 Years Ago_

"That's not helpful."

Zack snickered, which earned him an even less amused look from Cloud.

"It doesn't really matter," Zack clarified, pointing to the passage in Cloud's textbook as he did. "This isn't going to be part of the SOLDIER exam anyway."

"But shouldn't I know how it works?" Cloud objected. "It seems pretty critical to materia use to me."

"Don't worry about it," Zack persisted. "You can learn all about it after you make SOLDIER. We just need to focus on what's going to get you through the exam for now. Besides, you have a long way to go before you even think about using any materia."

Cloud turned away. "Yeah, that's true I guess…"

"Hey, you'll get there," Zack assured. "Don't stress about it. Once you're actually in SOLDIER, that'll make it easier to learn everything because you won't be working infantry shifts."

"That's true," Cloud agreed. "I hadn't thought of that."

"You'll be stuck with one of us all day instead!"

Cloud frowned. "You?"

"While I don't appreciate the lack of excitement at that idea," Zack reasoned, "no, probably not me. I'm not like Angeal—I can't just take on a personal student because I feel like it. You'll be in more classes and stuff, and you'll be in a squad directly under Angeal, Sephiroth, or Genesis. They'll head up your training with the other thirds."

"I hope I don't end up with Angeal…"

Zack gaped. "What?! Why?!"

"I don't think he likes me."

"Sure he does!" Zack assured, despite not really knowing for certain. Angeal was a hard-ass, but that didn't mean he actively disliked someone. "Besides, that only leaves Genesis and Sephiroth. And Genesis is a pretty weird dude, personally."

"I'll hope for Sephiroth then, even though he's terrifying."

"Only the most promising recruits get picked up by Sephiroth."

"Oh. So that's why you ended up with Angeal?"

"No! Don't be a little shit!" Reaching out, Zack pinched Cloud's arm, which had him laughing as he tried to lean back. They were both sitting on Zack's hospital bed, Cloud's study materials spread out between them. "Angeal picked me out of the infantry specifically. I wasn't filtered into the squads like everyone else."

"'Everyone else,'" Cloud mocked. "Gee, thanks."

"Hey! I'm just telling you how it works. Besides, you've already got Angeal's attention. Who knows, maybe you'll be special too."

"I have his attention for all the wrong reasons," Cloud pointed out.

"So what? At least he's watching you. Take advantage of it and impress him. Who knows, maybe he'll recommend you to Genesis or Sephiroth personally. I mean, Genesis hasn't ever taken on a personal student, and any of the ones Sephiroth has always end up relegated back to general squads for failing to meet expectations, but maybe you'll be the exception!"

Cloud was visibly unnerved. "I'll just do it the normal way, thanks."

Zack laughed, but supposed he couldn't blame him.

As if aware that they'd been talking about him, a knock on the door drew their eyes up before Angeal pushed his way inside the room. Zack perked up at the sight of him, while Cloud visibly wilted.

Cloud had been coming to visit Zack for at least a little while every day, so he'd lightened up a bit. It still took him some time to really relax, but the period of discomfort when he first arrived was getting shorter and shorter. Which Zack was grateful for, because the sooner Cloud was comfortable, the sooner his real personality started to emerge—the snarky, dry-humored personality that Zack found endlessly endearing. Mostly because Cloud was so entirely… different. Different from Zack, that was. At first he'd been afraid that Cloud's personality would be, well, mean. But it was actually the exact opposite. Sure, Cloud made snide comments, but never on topics that might be considered sensitive to others, and he was always rebuking any negative things Zack had to say about himself (there weren't many, mind, which made Cloud's objections all the more memorable). However, Zack had the feeling that if anyone did get on Cloud's bad side, they'd be in for a word-lashing Zack couldn't even begin to imagine. He almost wanted to see it. Almost.

But Cloud slowly growing comfortable around Zack didn't extend to anyone else, no matter how many reassurances Zack offered. As soon as Angeal appeared, Cloud's whole posture collapsed in on itself. His eyes widened, his hands fidgeting as if he didn't quite know what to do with them. Zack could see that a salute was struggling to pull his arm up, while uncertainty in his position left him floundering.

Angeal noticed as well, Zack able to make out a small line of humor in his stiff jaw. "Just stay where you are," he said, waving Cloud down. While this did stop Cloud's wandering, aimless hands, it didn't ease his discomfort.

"What's up, boss?" Zack asked robustly, hoping his positive energy would ease Cloud's. Probably not, but he could try.

"I was just coming to see how you're holding up," he said, stopping at the end of the bed. He crossed his arms over his broad chest, looking between the two boys yet again. "I'm glad to see you two managed to work everything out. The nurses said you've been spending a lot of time together. Figured out that bad communication and hiding things is no benefit to anyone, hmm?"

"Ha, yeah, lesson learned," Zack replied. Cloud, meanwhile, remained tense, his eyes wide as he stared down at the sheets. Well, maybe it was too much to ask that he just warm up to Angeal too. "Hey, did you get the incident report yet?" Despite himself, Zack was buzzing with anticipation.

"No. R&D is being particularly difficult on the subject." Angeal's explanation, which deflated Zack some, was soon followed by a frown. "Have you been blabbing to him about the situation?" He pointed to Cloud.

"Uh…" Zack released an uncomfortable laugh. "Well, you see, I was pretty drugged up for a while and, like, you know… Besides, Cloud's not gonna say anything. Right, Cloud?" He turned to him, earning a hesitant—if not delayed—nod.

Angeal huffed. "I suppose it's a lost cause at this point, expecting you'd keep your mouth shut around him. Just… keep it between the two of you, alright?" He was looking directly at Cloud again, who offered another, hastier nod even as he continued to stare at the sheets.

"But seriously," Zack started, "you'd think with Sephiroth pressuring them, they'd release everything already. I mean, the whole situation was suspect to begin with, so them keeping everything to themselves only makes it worse."

"It just means that there really is something to hide. Besides, Hojo and Sephiroth have a notoriously… antagonistic relationship. The more Sephiroth pressures the department, the more stubborn Hojo gets. At this point, I think they're just purposefully trying to get under each other's skins."

"I feel like pissing matches shouldn't be allowed when the entire city could be at risk," Zack said darkly. "Why aren't any of the higher ups stepping in?"

Angeal shrugged one shoulder. "It all comes down to political agendas. The president is pretty invested in Hojo's research, so he's more likely to let things slide in R&D. If it's any consolation, Reeve Tuesti's been saying the same things you are, but no one really seems to be on his side."

"That's just stupid," Zack reasoned. "What if another one of those things shows up? It could devastate the slums. Keeping monsters in the reactors is just asking for a disaster."

"We don't know for sure that the monster came from the reactors."

Zack cast Angeal about the flattest look he could muster.

"I'm just saying, don't go spouting information no one can be 'sure of' yet."

"I just don't understand why this isn't more concerning to people! Like, immediate action should be taken."

"Oh, Zack…" Angeal said, a familiar look of fondness overcoming his sternness, which only served to frustrate Zack, personally, because he knew that meant he was failing to understand a crucial part of the whole situation.

"It just seems like it should be a simple decision," he persisted helplessly.

"If drawing attention to it is going to create bad press," Cloud interjected quietly, "then Shinra is going to try and cover it up."

Zack frowned. "That shouldn't matter…"

Cloud shrugged. "If there's more to be gained by hiding it…"

"But innocent people could get hurt! That's not okay."

"No, it's not," Angeal agreed. "But people have different ideas as far as the value of innocent lives. Unfortunately, we may be on the losing end this time around."

Which Zack felt was just… wrong. "People" shouldn't be able to determine the value of someone else's life. Those lives should be unquestionably the top priority. What was the point of even being in SOLDIER—of being a hero—if he had to sit back and watch as thousands of lives were put at risk?

"It's bureaucracy," Angeal added. "Don't worry so much about it—Sephiroth and I will get it figured out."

Flopping back against his pillows, Zack nodded, supposing there wasn't anything else he could do. Angeal and Sephiroth held a lot more influence than he ever would, and if they were having trouble, then he certainly wasn't going to get anywhere.

"The doctor told me you'd be able to return to your own apartment in a few days," Angeal moved on. "You're recovering quite well, now that you've overcome the worst hurdles."

"Yeah, I guess so. But I still have to be on bedrest _forever_. What am I supposed to do all day, huh?"

"Rest," Angeal and Cloud said at the same time, both of them equally stern. Angeal chuckled following, while Cloud's cheeks flushed. Perhaps trying to look busy, he began to organize the papers strewn around the bed, still refusing to look at anyone.

"I can't rest _all_ the time," Zack objected.

"I don't know what to tell you," Angeal said simply. "Pick up a new hobby, play a game, read a book. There's plenty you can do that isn't physically straining." Glancing up at the clock, he hummed thoughtfully. "I have a meeting to get to. Remember," he pointed at Zack, "rest is your top priority. Strife, keep him in line."

Zack snorted.

"Uh, y—yes, Sir," Cloud muttered.

Bidding them farewell, Angeal turned to head back out the way he'd come, Zack frowning as he watched him leave.

Aside from the fact that not having the incident report was making it difficult to find his soulmate (how come they never came to visit him? Maybe they hadn't realized they were soulmates?), Zack was perturbed by the whole ordeal for other reasons. He wasn't so ignorant as to assume politics didn't play a part in how Shinra functioned—corruption was unavoidable. But when there's a monster running free under the city that requires both Angeal and Sephiroth to deal with, as well as a squad of seconds, well, he'd assumed that the actions needed to be taken would be obvious to everyone, consequences be damned.

But maybe he was too optimistic. Angeal was always telling him so, but sometimes it felt like there was no safety in being optimistic about anything…

"Hey." Reaching out, Cloud poked his arm. "And you say I think too much."

"Huh? Sorry." Zack offered him a small smile. "I'm just kind of bothered by this whole situation."

"Because of the bureaucracy?" Cloud asked.

"I dunno. There's that, but, like, it's hard to really figure out where I fit in all of this sometimes. I get that I work for Shinra, but at the same time, I guess… SOLDIER's not really…"

"Zack?"

"I'm glad the war with Wutai is over—it needed to end—but what's the point of being a SOLDIER if there's nothing worth fighting for? I almost _died_. And for what? A bunch of suits to argue about whether that matters or not?" He sighed. "It matters to me…"

They sat in silence then, Zack continuing to wallow until Cloud eventually cleared his throat.

"Maybe it doesn't matter what the suits think," he started. "Maybe being a SOLDIER is just about what you _can_ do, you know? If that monster had been allowed to roam around the slums, it'd have hurt a lot of people. But now it's dead. You can't control everything, but that doesn't mean the battles you do fight aren't worth it."

"I guess that's true," Zack begrudgingly agreed. "But it isn't very heroic."

"I think it is," Cloud replied, the swiftness of his response pulling Zack's gaze his way. "It's not flashy and it doesn't make you famous, but people still need to be saved and protected. I think that's always heroic, whether other people care or not."

"Do you really believe that? Or are you just trying to make it all sound more positive so I don't feel bad?"

"Can't it be both?"

Zack grinned, reaching out to ruffle Cloud's hair as he did. The younger boy tried to duck back out of the way, but mostly failed, his spikes set more askew than usual by the end.

"So you never told me," Zack started a second later. "Why do _you_ wanna join SOLDIER?"

It wasn't so surprising when Cloud turned to the side, a slight pinkness staining his cheeks. But Zack waited and stared, knowing that the longer he allowed the silence to stretch between them, the more pressured Cloud would feel to answer. It wasn't a hard question, after all, and Zack wanted to know.

"I guess…" Cloud eventually said. "When I first left home, I wanted to be… a hero. Like Sephiroth."

"Heh, that's why I left home too," Zack replied. "See? We have more things in common every day."

Cloud smiled, but something in his blue eyes was distant.

"Cloud?"

"I realized when I got here that being a hero wasn't really possible anymore, not with the war over. But I still want to be a SOLDIER. I want to be… stronger. So I can protect people that are important to me. I don't want them to get hurt or… die… because I wasn't strong enough to do something about it.

"I know I'm weak, and small," Cloud murmured. "And that I can't ever win any of the fights I start, and that my chances of getting into SOLDIER are slim to none. But I _know_ I can do it." He sounded suddenly frustrated. "If someone would just give me a chance to show them that, then I just know…" But soon that frustration was fading, instead replaced with something akin to deflated defeat.

"Hey, your odds are just as good as anybody's," Zack assured. "Better, even, with my help." Reaching out, he took his turn to poke Cloud's arm. " _I'm_ giving you a chance, aren't I?"

Despite how… broken his expression was, Cloud spared him a smile. It was a strange smile, probably because it was there in spite of the negativity Cloud was putting on himself. Like it was breaking through, making it more open and honest than any smile Zack had seen from him yet. It was small, as all of Cloud's smiles were, but the sight of it still left Zack a little breathless.

Frankly, even without a smile, Cloud tended to leave him breathless. He was finding that he never tired of looking at him. Sure, he had clear, perfect skin, freckles lacing gracefully together beneath the pale, almost transparent surface, and eyes big enough to be seen across the room, but there was something else about him that was just… otherworldly. The slope of his cheeks was seamlessly drawn down to his sharpened chin, and his nose formed the most gracefully elongated triangle, no bumps or dents or dips interrupting any of his perfectly sheer lines. His lips, which were full despite their severe edges, pulled up at the center, what might have been an equally severe cupid's bow instead softened by only the slightest curve. His lashes, which were dark despite his fair features, were so long that they acted as shields, able to hide that pure, bright blue when he lowered his gaze and looked away. Like… like someone standing outside in the rain, Zack caught watching behind the glass of a window as they slowly turned, the edge of an umbrella coming down to hide them from view. Cloud's eyes were dramatic in that same way, able to be concealed behind a curtain, but startling when what was there was suddenly turned upon him.

Every corner and line of his face was pulled just a little tighter than most—a little higher, a little longer. Not to the point of being noticeable, but in the same way that a dancer knew how to stretch their body at just the right angle to appear beyond human. To catch and keep the attention of anyone that looked upon them, if only because those who watched were mystified as to how such a person could just… _be_ in such a manner that was normally outside the realm of possibility.

Add in the golden sunlight filtering in through the windows and Cloud appeared entirely ethereal—fragile and wrapped in a warm halo, but with an upright sort of strength that kept him from collapsing beneath the weight of such intense refinement. He was… regal. Not delicate like a flower or encompassing like the splendor of a mountaintop view. Cloud was a blade. Sharp and perfectly balanced—possessing a sort of finish that shimmered even when everything else was dark and dingy and dull.

All but his eyes, which were so open and gentle and almost… quiet around their edges. It was no wonder he'd been forced to wear such heavy, dark lashes—he needed those screens, if only as a means of defense. Otherwise, those eyes would leave him wholly vulnerable all the time, wouldn't they…

"God, you're beautiful." The words fell out of Zack's mouth before he even knew they were there. He only realized he'd said them when Cloud's eyes went wide, his face immediately flushing with red.

"W—What?" he squeaked.

"I mean, objectively!" Zack said quickly, his own face heating up. "N—Not that I think you're beautiful, personally. I mean, you _are_ beautiful, but that's obvious to everyone, not just me." Cloud's face went even redder. "You know how beautiful you are. I mean, you see yourself in the mirror every day, so of course you know. A blind man could see it, haha… ha…"

He just needed to shut up.

Curse his stupid mouth!

Ugh, it was bad enough that Zack _knew_ he was attracted to Cloud—he didn't need to go spouting about like an imbecile. First off, it was wholly unacceptable. Cloud was an infantryman, which made Zack his superior. Whether they were friends or not, that kind of fraternization was frowned upon—barring specific circumstances. Secondly, Zack had a soulmate! Which wouldn't normally mean he had to keep his hands to himself—he and Aerith had messed around plenty when they'd first become friends. They'd even played at being in love for a summer, but like most flings, those feelings faded with the season. The difference here was the fact that his soulmate was acutely close by. His brain should be constantly focused on that fact, not on how gorgeous Cloud was.

But even Zack could admit that while his soulmate was constantly in the back of his mind, thoughts of Cloud—especially when Cloud was with him—tended to take over. At first it'd been okay, because it'd been a good distraction from one of the things currently causing Zack so much frustration. Until he'd realized he was developing a crush.

Scratch that. He wasn't "developing" a crush, he definitely already had one. Just thinking about it had his heart hiccupping and his stomach flipping, which in turn had him sighing as he hung his head.

"Sorry," he eventually said. "I shouldn't have said that. It's really not appropriate."

"Oh, uh…" Cloud fiddled with his pencil, his cheeks still very, very red. "It's… fine. I was just surprised."

"I really didn't mean anything by it," Zack _lied_. "It really was an objective observation. You're just… Well, it's like…" How did he say it—rather, convince Cloud—without his words coming across the wrong (honest) way? "You know, like when you go to a museum and you see a really great painting or something. You're like that, I guess. Just… really nice to… look at?" He cringed.

"Um, thank you, then, I guess…" Cloud replied, pulling at one of the downturned spikes growing down along his cheek. Some very obvious confusion flashed through his expression, which had Zack slumping even further, knowing it was his blundering words that had landed them in this awkward situation.

"I really do mean it when I say I didn't mean anything by it," Zack continued. "You know I've got my soulmate to think about, so I'm definitely not, like… thinking about other people." Lies, lies, _lies_. Ugh, he was so shitty. To both Cloud and his soulmate.

Cloud's face finally cleared of his blush, his expression turning serious. "Right," he muttered, turning away as he did.

Was he mad?

"You believe me, right?" Zack asked.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, it's fine," Cloud looked back at him, but there was something… blank about his gaze. "Don't worry about it."

"Because I really mean it when I say I'm thinking about my soulmate, you know? It's only a matter of time before R&D releases the incident files and then I'll be able to find them. And I'm sure there's a totally valid reason why they haven't come to see me, so…"

Cloud had put his attention back down on his books. "You really think that?"

"Think what? That there's a reason they haven't come to see me?"

"Y—Yeah, that."

"Well, sure." Zack shrugged. "Maybe they didn't realize I was their soulmate after all, or maybe they were deployed somewhere before I came out of the ICU. There are lots of things that could have happened." He should know, as he'd been entertaining them off and on for days—when he wasn't thinking about Cloud, anyway. Which was a rare occurrence, as it would turn out.

He thought about Cloud, well…

A lot.

"But what if—what if they don't have a good reason…" Cloud asked, his voice a little quieter.

"What do you mean?"

"Just… what if their reason is just… not…" He shrugged.

Zack, meanwhile, was left puzzled. "I don't understand."

Cloud sighed. "What if, like, they… I don't know, don't want to see you?"

"Why wouldn't they want to see me?"

"Maybe they just… don't? I don't know!"

"That doesn't make any sense," Zack said, feeling quite certain. "We're soulmates—we're meant to be together. It's fate."

Cloud looked doubtful. "You really believe that?"

"Of course I— Wait, don't you?"

Cloud shrugged weakly.

"That's the whole point of soulmates," Zack reasoned, a little caught off guard that he had to explain this at all. It was common knowledge. "One soul split into two that are fated to be together. It's the will of the planet and stuff. Fate! You know!"

"Yeah, but…" Cloud looked like he was struggling, though Zack couldn't say he knew with what. "What about people who are soulmates and don't end up together?"

"They'll get together eventually, or back together, or whatever. That's the way it's supposed to be. It's destiny."

"But it's not!" Cloud replied, before releasing a light sigh. "What about people like Sephiroth? He doesn't have a soulmate, right?"

"That just means his soul wasn't split for some reason. He doesn't have a soulmate because he doesn't need one."

"Okay, well… What about people whose soulmates die?"

"That's…" Zack hadn't really ever thought much about it.

"There are people whose soulmates die before they even meet them. How is it fate if they never even meet?"

"I don't know!" Zack raised his hands helplessly. "That doesn't matter when it comes to my soulmate, okay? They're still alive and they're here, somewhere."

"But that doesn't mean you guys are just 'meant to be.'"

"That's exactly what it means!"

"Just because someone is your soulmate doesn't mean you two are perfect for each other."

"Yes it does!"

"No, it doesn't!"

"Why are you being so pushy about this?"

"Why are _you_?!"

"I'm not! _You_ started this!"

Their voices had risen some, Zack not even having realized it until his own voice was echoing around the room. At which point he caught himself, as did Cloud. The two of them looked away from each other, Zack taking a calming breath while Cloud fingered the sheets.

"Look, I get that not all soulmate stuff is right, but I still believe in it," Zack explained, making sure to keep his voice quieter. "I don't know why some people have soulmates that die. And if two soulmates don't end up together, well, maybe they did something wrong, I don't know." Cloud scoffed. "But that's not gonna be me and my soulmate."

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you!"

"I'm just saying…" Cloud took a deep breath, "that maybe you shouldn't put so much stock in fate or whatever, okay? Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard somebody tries, it's just 'not meant to be' or whatever."

"But that's exactly it," Zack reiterated. "It _is_ meant to be—that's the whole point. My parents are soulmates and their parents were soulmates and my other family members are with their soulmates and—"

"Fine. You're right. It's all meant to be." But it was clear from Cloud's tone that he was simply saying as much to pacify the situation. Aggressively. Passive aggressively.

Zack huffed in frustration. "I just don't get what you don't get about how it works."

"And I don't get how you don't get that it _doesn't_ always work," Cloud said, his voice once again a little louder. "Like, congrats to you and your parents and your perfect family, but not everyone's life is like that. Sometimes soulmates are just shitty."

"Then they're not doing it right!"

Anger finally flashed through Cloud's expression, before he growled and shoved himself off the edge of the bed. Turning, he started to gather his study materials together.

"What?!" Zack asked, but got nothing—Cloud just kept stacking his books. "Cloud! What the hell?!" Reaching out, Zack tried to tug at his arm, but he snapped back out of reach.

"You're right, they're 'just not doing it right,'" Cloud said, his voice biting. "That's what I'll tell my mom the next time I talk to her. That your family is so perfect, which is proof that she just fucked it all up. Obviously, because it's 'fate.'" Picking up his books, he started to slam them into his backpack.

"Cloud, hey," Zack called, feeling rather confused and uncertain. "What are you talking about?"

"What do you think?!" he asked, finally looking back at Zack. "Like, congratulations to you for having such a perfect family, but not everyone does! Sometimes, people do try, and they do their best, and they don't do anything wrong, and things still end up shitty! That doesn't mean they did something to mess it up!"

"Cloud, that's not what I meant…" He really didn't know what he'd meant—he'd never really thought about this kind of stuff before. Well, he thought about soulmates plenty, but not…

"I'm just saying," Cloud continued, his tone more strictly under control, "that just because someone is your soulmate doesn't mean everything is perfect. That's not how it works."

"Okay…" Zack agreed, mostly because he realized this whole thing had upset Cloud more than he'd initially realized. He was still a little lost as to how they'd gotten to that point, but maybe the only way he'd figure it out was if he asked.

"Cloud…" he started after a few heavy beats of silence. "What are you talking about though? About your… mom?"

Cloud breathed deeply through his nose, before crouching down to pick up his bag and swing it over his shoulder. "I should go."

"Cloud, c'mon." Zack dropped any gentleness from his tone. "You can't say something like that and then just walk away."

"It doesn't matter."

"Obviously, it does!"

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"Well, you did, so… too late now." Crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest, Zack stared at Cloud and hoped his eyes would be enough to keep him from walking off.

For some seconds, Cloud just stood there, looking rigid and obstinate. But his shoulders did eventually slump, before he turned just slightly in Zack's direction.

"My parents are soulmates too," he said, his tone defensive and sharp. "But that didn't stop my father from leaving two weeks after I was born."

Lips parting, Zack found that he was at a loss on what to say.

"He's out there somewhere," he continued. "My mom still has her mark and so he must have his. He's known where we were the whole time. But none of that was ever enough to make him come back.

"So no," Cloud finished. "I don't think 'fate' has anything to do with it. Sometimes things just… don't work. And there's nothing you can do about it."

Tearing his eyes away, he paused for maybe two seconds before resituating his bag on his shoulder. Marching forward, he went to the door. Without looking back, he pressed down on the handle and slid out into the hall.

The door quietly clicked back into place behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dissecting FF7's lore is honestly exhausting, but I hope all the cell stuff makes sense. And yes, Genesis is finally in the story. Honestly, I hated him in CC. He's a cardboard character and is just as annoying as that guy at parties who's always quoting things at you like that makes him smarter or something. So... my Genesis is different. He still loves Loveless, but he's an actual human being now. Also, why was it in CC that everyone was so against giving Genesis the cells? Like, I get that Cloud couldn't give permission, but a man was DYING! Just... give him some of Cloud's hair, damn.
> 
> Things in the second part weren't much happier, were they, lol. I like Angeal just... assuming Cloud told Zack the truth based on how they're hanging out together. He's probably going to be less than pleased when he finds out Cloud didn't tell Zack the truth, lolol. And silly Cloud, starting an argument to fight about things symbolically, like that's going to get him anywhere. Poor Zack just doesn't understand. But hey, I feel like Cloud's mindset makes a bit more sense now. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--for more fun stuff or whatever.


	13. Chapter 13

_Present Day_

"I'm sorry, but who are you looking for?" The nurse was eyeing him suspiciously, Zack running his hand through his hair as he tried to figure out a way to explain without giving away a ton of information he didn't feel like divulging.

He was standing in the gold-decaled lobby of the Golden Saucer hospital. It was generally quiet, which was a relief to Zack who'd been having trouble getting his thoughts together with all the noise everywhere else. He'd slept poorly to boot, but that wasn't wholly unexpected.

"It's a friend of mine," he explained. "He was mako poisoned. We… lost touch a few years ago and now I'm trying to find him. I'm just checking hospitals to see if they have anyone that maybe fits his description. If he's here, he's probably pretty… unresponsive."

The nurse frowned thoughtfully. "What's his name?"

"Er, I doubt you'd have his name." How would anyone have known his name, unless someone Cloud had known had somehow come across him. But that seemed unlikely. With his mother gone, Zack knew Cloud had nobody, really. If he'd ended up in a hospital, there'd have been no one to give him an identity. "He's about 5'7," pale, spiky blonde hair. He'll have SOLDIER eyes, like mine." Drawing attention to this visibly unnerved the nurse, but she stayed her ground regardless.

"I don't think we have anyone like that," she replied, her tone a bit guarded. "If we had, they'd have been moved to a different facility by now. We don't keep long-term patients."

"Oh… okay. Thanks anyway." Nodding once—he was trying to appear unassuming—Zack tapped one knuckle on the counter before turning to head back out the glass doors.

Truth be told, he hadn't expected any results from the Gold Saucer hospital, but it'd be an oversight not to at least check. He'd rather find no results in hospitals, because that meant Cloud wasn't in one. And if he wasn't in a hospital, then he had to be out in the world somewhere. Which meant he wasn't a vegetable.

Hopefully. Unless he'd been stranded someplace where nobody could get to or find him.

The thought turned Zack's stomach. Thankfully, however, logic soon prevailed in place of his unease. It didn't feel like it to him, but he had to remember that it'd been years since he'd seen Cloud last. Had Cloud been stranded somewhere, he'd never has survived this long. And seeing as Zack's soulmark was as dark as ever, Cloud was still out there.

Granted, he had another new, weird soulmark as well, but he didn't figure that affected his old soulmark any. Which meant that when he inevitably found Cloud, _then_ he could worry about the additional mark. Once they were together, everything would be better. They'd figure everything out.

As it was, he could now leave the Gold Saucer. Which was more than amendable. It was pretty quiet now, this early in the morning—most of the attractions were closed—but it would no doubt start picking up again. Hopefully this Vincent guy would arrive sooner rather than later, so he could leave this place behind entirely. He had no interest in any of it—not the rides, not the food, not the chocobos. It was all just… too much. He didn't have the tolerance for that sort of stuff anymore.

He eventually found himself back in the central trunk elevator, pressing the button that would take him all the way back down to the parking garage. He wasn't sure where he was supposed to meet this guy or even what he looked like, but if he was a delivery guy, then it'd be pretty obvious, right?

He hoped so.

Finding his way back through the parking garage, he went to the same level he and Yuffie had departed from. It was mostly empty, no activity, so he eventually made his way over to the employee elevator to wait. There were large, concrete pillars sitting outside the doors—to protect the building from any sort of vehicle collision. They only came up to about his waist, so he hefted himself onto one of them and took a seat. The backs of his heels tapped against the concrete as he kicked his legs back and forth, Angeal's sword a comforting weight on his back.

Eventually, he pulled the strange materia he'd found out of his bag to have a look at it. He'd kept it hidden while with Yuffie (she'd been nice, but that hadn't meant he'd trusted her), which hadn't allowed him to ponder much over it. Now that he was alone, he held it up to the light and experimented with its weight. But, as always, he came to no conclusions as to what it could do. There was absolutely no energy response from it, not even when he'd equipped it into the buster sword. As far as he could tell, it did nothing. Which would be strange, but, then again, anything was possible he supposed. He wasn't exactly a materia expert.

He liked having it, though. It felt sort of like a good luck charm or something.

Re-wrapping it in the pink ribbon, he eventually slid it back into the hidden pocket in his bag, sighing as he looked around the parking garage yet again. He could take the service elevator he supposed, until he found the SDS mail hub. Someone there could probably tell him when this Vincent guy usually got there.

Not that he had anywhere to go in the meantime. He could already hear the noise picking up outside as tourists woke to start their festivities anew. He'd much rather stay in the muffled shelter of the parking garage than head up there.

He sat waiting for nearly another hour, brainstorming his plans. He'd go to Nibelheim first, if only because that seemed like the most logical place to start. After that, he'd have to try and catch a ride to that Edge place, probably. Then again, there was no reason to assume Cloud would be there over anywhere else, just because it was close to Midgar. Maybe he'd be better off checking every town in the area, before moving on. Just to be safe.

It all felt incredibly inefficient. He wished he could just put out a missing person's report or something. But that meant putting himself in the spotlight as well, if he could do it at all, and he didn't want to draw that kind of attention to himself. Everyone talked like Shinra wasn't around anymore, but he had a hard time believing it was that simple. It was better to lay low—a lesson he'd learned the hard way.

After another twenty minutes, his attention was snagged by the rumbling of a vehicle coming up the ramp nearby. A few others had passed, most clearly not being delivery trucks, and so he found himself slumping in disappointment when this one too appeared unlikely. It looked like a beat-up old van from the front, rust spots crawling along the shallow hood. The windshield had a large crack in it, and one of the headlights was sticking out at a crooked angle.

He was pleasantly surprised, therefore, when the junky vehicle came to a stop right in front of the elevator. This gave him a generous view of the side, rust and all. It was one of those creepy vans without any windows, but that left plenty of space for the spray-painted words messily scrawled across the side: "Vince's Van," "SDS," and in very, very small letters "Yuffie was here."

"Really?" Zack mouthed to himself as he looked the piece of junk up and down. Then again, if it got the job done…

If at all possible, the man who stepped out of the van was even stranger than the van itself. He was a tall, skinny guy, with skin as pale as porcelain and long, crudely styled black hair. Leather was apparently his shtick, as he was wearing it from head to two. That was, aside from a raggedy red cloak that buckled clear up to his chin, a matching bandana, and… was that a golden claw arm? And gold, pointed boot armor?

Was this guy trying to win a vampire competition or something?

Their eyes eventually met, Zack noting that vampire guy's were fittingly bright red. He'd seen that kind of color on someone once before. What was her name… Tifa Lockhart! Cloud's neighbor from Nibelheim.

The thought of her downed him a bit, as she probably hadn't made it out of the town alive.

"Are you Vincent?" Zack eventually asked, after they'd been staring at each other a bit longer than necessary.

It took him a minute, but the guy did eventually answer. "Yes," he said simply, his voice about the deepest voice Zack had ever heard. "Are you the SOLDIER Yuffie mentioned?"

"Yeah, that'd be me," Zack replied, vaulting down off the pillar as he did. "Sorry if it's an inconvenience or anything."

Again, another long pause before he answered, his eyes trailing Zack up and down. "It's fine. I need to go check in upstairs." Another bout of silence. "I'll be back."

Turning away, he headed into the elevator, Zack offering a halfhearted wave that mostly just made him feel super awkward.

"Well," he muttered to himself, once Vincent had vanished inside. "This should be interesting."

Putting his attention back on the van, he cast it a rather skeptical look before deciding to have a walk around it. But there wasn't much variance from one angle to the next, the same "Vince's Van" and "SDS" plastered across the other side (Yuffie's little note was missing here). He tried to peer inside the windows, but got little more than a view of old, brown leather seats.

Well, maybe this Vincent guy would be the quiet type. He looked like it. That meant he wouldn't have to dodge so many intrusive questions.

"Where'd you get that sword?"

Then again, maybe not.

Turning around, Zack once again came face to face with Vincent. He was carrying two very large boxes, one balanced carefully in each of his hands. They must be empty.

"Uh, it belonged to an old friend," Zack replied, deciding to quickly move on. "Didn't take you long."

Vincent hummed in acknowledgment, moving past him to the back of the van. He dropped one of the boxes to the ground, the loud thump of it hitting the asphalt making it very clear the box was definitely _not_ empty. In fact, Zack would even wager to bet it was heavy.

And this guy was just… walking around carrying not one, but two? One in each hand?

Who was this guy?

He yanked open the stubborn, squeaky back door before sliding one box in, then picking up the one he'd dropped and sliding it in as well. Once he'd closed the doors, he turned his attention back to Zack.

There was something… critical in his narrowed eyes.

"What did you say your name was?" he asked after a few empty seconds.

"Uh, I didn't." Zack tried his best at a light-hearted laugh, hoping it didn't come across too hollow. "It's Zack. Zack, uh, Fields."

"Zack… right…" Vincent kept staring at him, until it was definitely awkward. But that didn't appear to bother him nearly as much as it bothered Zack, who eventually had no choice but to break the silence.

"So… when are we heading out then?"

Finally, Vincent looked away. "Now," he said simply. He then walked over to the driver's side door and slid inside, Zack jumping into action as he jogged around to the passenger side. The door wouldn't open, however, and Vincent had to lean over to open it from the inside before he could get in.

He was immediately hit by the smell of dust and mothballs.

Knowing it'd be a tight fit, Zack removed his sword and slid it in first, managing to nestle it between the seats so the blade was stretching back into the darker depths of the van. He then jumped in and pulled the door closed, his bag sitting safely in his lap.

It took three attempts before the van would start, but it did eventually putter into life. Aside from the engine and the clanking of rusty parts, however, there was no other noise. No conversation, no radio. Vincent hardly seemed to breathe as he navigated the van back down and out of the parking garage, until they were rolling through the walled-in highway that cut across the desert (it was a new addition, as the highway hadn't been there the last time Zack had graced the Gold Saucer). The wind still carried sandy clouds across the windshield, but the walls kept the road clear enough to drive on, which must have been good enough.

They'd been riding in silence for nearly fifteen minutes when Vincent abruptly started talking, which startled Zack a little more than he'd like to admit.

"Why are you going to Nibelheim?" he asked straight, not even bothering to look Zack's way as he did.

"Oh, ah, just… personal reasons," he replied. His response did draw Vincent's gaze his way. Consistently. For far too long given that he was supposed to be _driving_. Yet, somehow, they stayed perfectly in the road where they were supposed to be. Zack, meanwhile, flicked his attention between Vincent and dashboard and back again, uncertain what to make of the staring.

"I'm… looking for someone," he eventually added, hoping he didn't sound too defensive. Mostly, he hoped that tidbit of information would be enough to satisfy any curiosities, so he wouldn't have to figure out a way to derail the topic. Somehow, he figured it'd be more difficult with Vincent than it had been with Yuffie.

And he'd thought the ride with Vincent would be easier.

"I see," Vincent eventually said, finally setting his eyes back on the road.

Trying to push back on his jittery paranoia, Zack turned his attention to his own window, hoping that would be the end of it.

But apparently Vincent was chattier than he looked.

"How did you lose this person?"

Cringing, Zack tried to figure out a way to refuse answering without sounding like an asshole. He _was_ getting a free ride, after all. "We were separated a long time ago," he said, keeping it vague. "And now I'm just… trying to find them."

Based on his hum, it sounded like Vincent accepted this. Or so Zack hoped.

"If you're meant to find them, then you will," he eventually said, Zack once again looking his way.

He had to hold back a skeptical scoff. "I'm not really worried about what's 'meant to be,'" he replied, aware that a little too much bitterness may have leaked into his voice. "Meant to be or not, I'll find them." If he had to search the rest of his life, he would.

"Our planet is guided by the ebb and flow of fate," Vincent started again, after another few beats of nothing between them. "Connections between people, between places, they all guide us in the right direction."

Zack turned his attention back to the window. "That's a nice thought," he replied. "But I doubt it." Once upon a time, he might have believed such a thing—lapped up those words like a thirsty dog. But he'd seen and lived through too much to be that naïve anymore. The world was a brutal, unpredictable place. No one was there to make sure it was right, to stop others from doing wrong. It was full of monsters and horrors that most were lucky to escape.

That was why he had to find Cloud. If he wasn't there to protect him, then who would? No one. Absolutely no one.

"It's hard to see, when we're in such close proximity," Vincent continued. "I, too, doubted this once, after traversing unspeakable tortures." An admission that drew Zack's attention _and_ surprise. "But now that I've had space and time to reflect, I see the course I was meant to walk, though it was not always satisfying. Our sins and the sins of others will always haunt us, but if they did not, then how would we learn to right them?"

"It's not our responsibility to right the wrongs of others."

"Only a man of truly selfish principals would believe that," Vincent replied. "And I can see that you are no such man."

A statement that mostly annoyed Zack, causing him to sink back in his seat and sulkily cross his arms over his chest. Maybe he was right—maybe Zack wasn't that selfish—but damn if he didn't wish that he was. Maybe then he'd have made some better decisions.

"There is more connecting all of us than anyone can realize. Every step takes you closer to where you're meant to be—every person you meet, every place you go. It will all unfold eventually."

"I wish I could have that sort of confidence," Zack said.

"You'll see," Vincent assured. "Already I can see more than you realize. You'll get where you're going—you're already on the right course."

Maybe, maybe not. Zack didn't really buy into any of it. And, frankly, he didn't care. Cloud was his top priority. All that existential mumbo-jumbo could take a hike. It was near-useless as far as he could tell, which meant it was hardly worth being invested in.

The only thing he could depend on was himself. For a long time, his own strength was all both he and Cloud had been able to lean on. It was all that had pulled them through.

Fate… Fate was fickle and cruel.

Zack would much rather depend on his own sword than any supposed guiding light. It wasn't fate that had gotten him this far, but his own wherewithal. And it was his own determination that was pulling him forward still.

As far as he could tell, "fate" didn't have anything to do with it.

_9 Years Ago_

Cloud had fucked up. Within seconds of walking out of Zack's hospital room, he'd known. But anger and frustration and… guilt… had led to him forcefully ignoring that reality. He's gone to bed stubborn and mad, and woken for work the next morning only a little less than mortified. Which had left him desperate and panicked for a majority of the day. He wasn't supposed to use his phone when he was on duty, but he'd checked it constantly anyway. Just… waiting. Waiting for the normal influx of texts from Zack because he was so bored or so hungry or had discovered some stupid fact in the deep depths of the internet.

Yet, there'd been nothing. All day and not a single text. By the time his shift was over, Cloud was a mess. Well, more of a mess than usual. He spent what little time he had before class staring down at his phone and tapping his heel. He'd been distracted all through class, still thinking about it, and unable to do much training afterward because he'd constantly been diving back to look at his phone.

One whole day and Zack hadn't said a single thing to him.

When the next day started and passed the same way, he knew he'd screwed up. Which left him frantic and upset. Because of course Zack was angry at him. He'd come to that conclusion the first day, because why wouldn't Zack be angry? Cloud had lost his temper with him and been, just, nasty.

Why was he always so mean? He'd been doing so well, not revealing that part of himself to Zack. The part of him that permeated so much of his childhood. Defensive meanness because he'd grown up in a town where none of the other kids had understood him, so he'd decided to put himself above them. Which fueled his nastiness, because what would have been the point of being nice? They'd never wanted him in their group, so why bother trying?

Tifa Lockheart's… accident had only made it worse. That was when the fighting had started. When his frustrations with himself and everyone else had started to boil over, until he was considered a loose cannon by most who knew anything about him.

He was that weird kid with no friends. That boy whose father had left, which meant he'd turned out wrong. That fuck up who wasn't going to get anywhere if he didn't turn his attitude around.

He'd been trying… so hard with Zack. He'd wanted them to be friends so badly, and for a little while, they had been. Until Cloud's true colors had come to light, so of course Zack no longer wanted anything to do with him. He should have kept his mouth shut. If he'd done that, then they wouldn't have gotten into that fight. None of this would have happened. It was always better to just keep his opinions to himself—to keep most of who he was to himself.

If he did that—if he only showed people the parts of him that were okay—then maybe…

Maybe he wouldn't have to be so alone anymore.

Perhaps apologizing would work with Zack. That was what his desperation was telling him on the third day of no contact between them. He could promise not to be nasty like that again and from then on he had to just… keep his thoughts to himself.

But then… what was the point? He was in too deep now. Every day the guilt felt heavier—all the things he hadn't been telling Zack. His reasons for not telling him had now evolved into pure and unwavering fear. He'd wasted so much time _not_ saying anything that he knew for sure now that the consequences when Zack did find out were going to be terrible.

He was more than just disappointing and lackluster. He was a liar with a bad attitude. He'd been going behind Zack's back this whole time, which he felt was probably pretty unforgivable at this point. There was nothing he could say to justify why he'd stayed quiet, no matter the fact that he felt terrified all the way down to his bones.

He didn't want Zack to hate him, not like all the kids back in Nibelheim had.

And he didn't want Zack to leave him.

Not like…

Sitting at a table in the library, Cloud scraped his hands through his hair for the millionth time, staring down at his phone as pressure constantly formed behind his eyes. He'd been blinking away tears all day, stubbornly refusing to let them fall. Waves of despair and frustration—ever familiar from his childhood—had been assaulting him all day, but he had plenty of practice holding that sort of thing back. Years and years of practice.

But it was starting to become a bit much. Every time he checked his phone and there were no new messages, he was faced with a swell of misery. It was building up now, his worn leather boots tapping neurotically atop the carpet as he begged his phone to light up with a new message.

He should apologize. He could send Zack a message just as well, after all.

No… It'd been three days. If Zack wanted anything to do with him, he'd have said something by then. Besides, he wasn't sure what he'd do if he messaged Zack and was ghosted. That was a feeling he knew just as well as the others. In his youngest years, he'd always been that kid who was left out. Who was passed over. Who was ignored in plain sight.

He couldn't take that from Zack.

His whole body felt like it was cracking down the middle. Once again swallowing back the pressure, he actually had to reach up and wipe some of the dampness from his eyes. It was beginning to boil over, everything trying to claw its way out. Painful. It was all so painful.

And all his own fault.

Why…Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just… be…

Like everyone else.

He just wanted to be like everyone else.

He wanted to be good enough.

He wanted…

He just wanted to be worth it.

His lips were trembling now, the tremors rippling down to his chin as he continued to pointlessly stare down at the black screen of his phone. And anger—at himself—flashed through him when a few salty tears dropped down onto the screen. Pulling his sleeve down over his hand, he wiped them away, before reaching up to violently wipe them from his face. He had his phone in his hand now, and he wanted nothing more than to throw it across the library. If it was broken, then he could continue to hope because he'd have no way of knowing the truth.

But he'd also be in huge trouble. Throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the library wouldn't look good on his record.

Not that it mattered. He wasn't going to make SOLDIER anyway. Who was he kidding…

He was never going to amount to anything.

It wasn't until the back of his phone case cracked that he realized just how hard he was gripping it. Startled, he turned it over to see a large split down the back, the plastic unable to take the stress. He stared at that crack, focusing in on it because it was better to try and figure out the meaning behind that than everything else going on.

It was better to be numb… right?

To just… pretend like he didn't care about any of it.

Not interested.

He was so focused in on that crack that he nearly fumbled and dropped his phone when it vibrated. To say he was surprised was a bit of an understatement, his hands fumbling to get a hold of the contraption as it slid clumsily out of his grip. He managed to catch it before it hit the ground, his heart beating a million times a minute as he caught his breath and quickly flipped his phone over to get a look at the screen.

He was as equally apprehensive as he was excited for what waited there, the screen ignited with a new message.

He didn't bother wiping away the tears this time, when that name blinked up at him.

**Zack:** Hey

He messed up putting in his passcode the first time, impatience getting the better of him. But as he poked it in the second time, another message came in.

**Zack:** So like

He was typing…

**Zack:** are you

 **Zack:** still pissed at me?

Gaping, Cloud stared down at the message, totally dumbstruck at what he read. So dumbstruck that it took him nearly a minute to realize he should probably say something back. Mostly because he was too busy decompressing with relief, more tears streaking down his cheeks as he sniffled. A quiet whine might have escaped his throat as well, but there was no one around to hear it.

**Cloud:** I'm not pissed at you.

He didn't really know what else to say, mostly because he was afraid of, well…

Saying the wrong thing.

**Zack:** but you havent come around

 **Zack:** or texted

 **Zack:** you dont have to lie to be nice

 **Zack:** I kno your mad…

 **Zack:** you can yell at me if you want

 **Zack:** if that means you wont be mad anymore

**Cloud:** I'm not mad.

 **Cloud:** You're

 **Cloud:** mad

 **Cloud:** You're mad at me.

**Zack:** no im not

**Cloud:** You're the one that hasn't been texting.

**Zack:** becaus your mad at me

**Cloud:** I'm not mad at you.

 **Cloud:** You always text while I'm working, but you didn't.

 **Cloud:** I thought… I thought you were pissed at me.

 **Cloud:** You're not

 **Cloud:** angry

 **Cloud:** with me?

**Zack:** No

Placing his phone on the table, Cloud covered his face with his hands, just about losing all his control as a silent sob ripped through his whole body. It left his breath sputtering, everything down to his bones trembling as he cried into his sleeves.

Zack wasn't mad at him. Zack thought _he_ was mad.

Zack didn't hate him.

 _Zack didn't hate him_.

**Zack:** Why wuld I be mad at you

**Cloud:** Because I

 **Cloud:** was nasty

 **Cloud:** to you.

**Zack:** you were a little lol

 **Zack:** but its not somethig to be pissed about

 **Zack:** Im the one that was beig insesitive

 **Zack:** insensitive*

 **Zack:** about your mom

**Cloud:** You're not insensitive.

 **Cloud:** You had no way of knowing.

 **Cloud:** I shouldn't have acted the way that I did.

 **Cloud:** I'm really sorry.

**Zack:** It ok like I said

**Cloud:** It's not okay. I was frustrated and I took it out on you.

 **Cloud:** That's not appropriate.

 **Cloud:** I won't do it again, I promise.

**Zack:** Cloud its fine

 **Zack:** everone gets upset sometimes

**Cloud:** I have better self-control.

 **Cloud:** I swear.

**Zack:** look

 **Zack:** cloud

 **Zack:** just

 **Zack:** chill

**Cloud:** I'm sorry.

**Zack:** You dont have anything to be sorry for

 **Zack:** your aloud to be mad when people say thins that make you mad

 **Zack:** I figurd you needed space

 **Zack:** so I left you alone

 **Zack:** Im sorry for saying soething that stupid

 **Zack:** I do that sometimes

**Cloud:** You're

 **Cloud:** really not mad?

**Zack:** No of course not

 **Zack:** did you think I was mad this hole time?

**Cloud:** Yes…

 **Cloud:** I thought

 **Cloud:** Never mind.

**Zack:** No not never mind

 **Zack:** why do you do that?

 **Zack:** just tell me

**Cloud:** It's not important.

 **Cloud:** I was the one being stupid.

**Zack:** ok but you kno how I wsa being stupid

 **Zack:** so now you have to tell me why your stupid

**Cloud:** I just

 **Cloud:** overreacted

 **Cloud:** I guess.

**Zack:** about what

**Cloud:** About

 **Cloud:** you being mad.

 **Cloud:** Or me thinking you were mad.

**Zack:** tbh I dont really get mad a lot

 **Zack:** so like

 **Zack:** if im mad at you

 **Zack:** youll kno

 **Zack:** because Ill tell you to your face

 **Zack:** If I was mad at you

 **Zack:** I would have texted you and told you that we neded to talk

 **Zack:** im transparent

 **Zack:** thats what Angeal says anyway

**Cloud:** That's

 **Cloud:** good to know, actually.

**Zack:** so yea

 **Zack:** youll totally know when im mad at you lol

 **Zack:** Ill make sure you kno ;)

**Cloud:** That sounds vaguely threatening.

**Zack:** Yea

 **Zack:** Im very dangerous

**Cloud:** I know you are, lol.

**Zack:** you scared?

**Cloud:** No.

**Zack:** lame

 **Zack:** nah id never hurt you

 **Zack:** but I will cry

**Cloud:** Yeah, me too. Don't worry about it.

**Zack:** Wow! So much in comon!

 **Zack:** maybe we can cry together somday

 **Zack:** OH HEY

 **Zack:** I moved back to my apartmebt today!

**Cloud:** They let you out?

 **Cloud:** Are you sure you're well enough?

**Zack:** wow you and Aerith said the same thing

 **Zack:** word for word

**Cloud:** Who's Aerith?

**Zack:** friend of mine that lives under plate 5

 **Zack:** Im glad you two are so nice

 **Zack:** worrying anout me

 **Zack:** You should come hang out im bord

**Cloud:** You're always bored.

 **Cloud:** And I can't. I'd have to register to come up there and the registration desk is closed now.

**Zack:** just use my keycard

**Cloud:** I'm not doing that.

**Zack:** just do it

**Cloud:** Didn't you learn anything from Angeal punishing you for giving it to me in the first place? Personally, I'm not going to get in trouble for the same thing twice.

**Zack:** omg I thoght you were a bad kid

**Cloud:** I'm trying not to be.

**Zack:** ugh

**Cloud:** Sorry.

**Zack:** UGH

**Cloud:** How did you even get up there?

**Zack:** Angeal pushd me around in a wheelchair

 **Zack:** I did some weelies

 **Zack:** he was mad

 **Zack:** and now im supposedto stay in bed all the time

 **Zack:** but I gotta get food somehow

 **Zack:** dont have anything here

 **Zack:** wanna go grocery shopping for me lol?

**Cloud:** Not really.

 **Cloud:** But I'll think about it if you ask nicely.

**Zack:** pretty please with sugar and candy and pudding on top

 **Zack:** also buy pudding

 **Zack:** Ill pay you back

**Cloud:** What _actual_ groceries do you need?

**Zack:** Ill send you list

 **Zack:** omg then you can come up and cook for me

 **Zack:** so great

**Cloud:** Hah.

 **Cloud:** Bold of you to assume I can cook.

**Zack:** you can TRY

 **Zack:** please?

**Cloud:** You'll just end up eating something burnt.

**Zack:** cooking isnt about the eating

 **Zack:** its about the exprience

**Cloud:** I feel like cooking is exactly about eating.

**Zack:** No no no

 **Zack:** its a process

 **Zack:** like art

**Cloud:** Maybe you should be the one cooking for me.

**Zack:** Im the one that need help

 **Zack:** please?

**Cloud:** Are you being serious?

 **Cloud:** I mean it when I say I can't cook.

**Zack:** that doesnt matter

 **Zack:** its avout the feeling

**Cloud:** Feeling?

**Zack:** yea

 **Zack:** of someone cooking for you and stuff

 **Zack:** you know

 **Zack:** being takne care of when your sick

Blinking down at his phone, Cloud wiped his runny nose with his sleeve and tried to wrap his head around what Zack was saying. So he wanted Cloud to… take care of him? He wasn't necessarily averse to the idea, but it did bring a blush to his already red and swollen face.

**Cloud:** I can't guarantee I'll be any good at it.

 **Cloud:** But I can try I guess.

 **Cloud:** So long as you don't start making me do other stuff.

Had to keep it cool, right? Distant and aloof. Or… something.

**Zack:** lol like what?

**Cloud:** I don't know. Like cleaning your apartment or something.

**Zack:** youd like that

 **Zack:** I kno

**Cloud:** You don't.

**Zack:** I saw that you pickd up my dirty cloths and put them in a pile

 **Zack:** and you capped all my bathroom bottles

Oh, right. He'd totally forgotten about that. Which, of course, pulled another blush to his face. At least there wasn't anyone around to see him.

**Cloud:** You shouldn't leave your clothes on the bathroom floor, Zack.

 **Cloud:** That's disgusting.

**Zack:** I was in a hurry!

**Cloud:** Yeah, right.

**Zack:** im a very busy and important person

 **Zack:** I dont have time for that stuff

**Cloud:** For putting your clothes in one single pile?

**Zack:** you can do it

**Cloud:** I'm not cleaning your apartment OR doing your laundry.

**Zack:** but I need heeeeeeeeeelp

**Cloud:** No.

**Zack:** im gonna be dirty and smelly

That was true. He probably didn't have any way of getting his laundry done. Then again, he could probably walk that far, right? Well… maybe it was better not to push it.

 **Cloud:** …

 **Cloud:** Fine.

**Zack:** really?

 **Zack:** wow your so nice

 **Zack:** my apartment is mess

**Cloud:** I'm not cleaning your apartment. Just laundry.

**Zack:** no please help meeeeeeeeee

**Cloud:** You're so whiney.

**Zack:** I am hurt!

**Cloud:** You're trying to take advantage of me.

**Zack:** no no no

 **Zack:** im not im not im not

 **Zack:** if I was

 **Zack:** id make you

 **Zack:** wear a maid outfit

 **Zack:** when you cleaned

**Cloud:** …

**Zack:** what its tru

 **Zack:** youd look good in a dress

What… What did he even say to that? Did he rebuff such a claim, or would that be lame? Or did he agree? To sound cool? And confident? Or something?

**Cloud:** Yeah, you're right, I'd nail that look. But you'll never see.

**Zack:** I wanna seeeeeeeeee

 **Zack:** you could have a duster and everthing

 **Zack:** and a little apron

 **Zack:** with frilly edges

**Cloud:** Zack.

 **Cloud:** Keep your kinks to yourself.

 **Cloud:** That's not something I need to know about.

**Zack:** !

 **Zack:** IM JUST SYAING YOUD LOOK GOOD

 **Zack:** GOD!

**Cloud:** No one asked you to state the obvious.

**Zack:** wooooooooow wowowowowow

**Cloud:** I'm kidding.

**Zack:** why tho?

 **Zack:** it is obvious

 **Zack:** git it

"Git it?" Get what? Zack's attention? Because that was all he really wanted.

**Cloud:** Get what?

 **Cloud:** Into a dress?

 **Cloud:** I'll pass.

**Zack:** no dont pass

 **Zack:** embrace your dreams

**Cloud:** Wearing a dress isn't one of my dreams.

**Zack:** right

 **Zack:** I ment

 **Zack:** embrace MY dreams

**Cloud:** YOU want to wear a dress?

**Zack:** NO YOU!

 **Zack:** DONT MISDIRECT

**Cloud:** Your dream is to see me in a dress?

**Zack:** well no

 **Zack:** my dream

 **Zack:** is to see you…

 **Zack:** never mind lol

**Cloud:** …

 **Cloud:** You're so weird.

 **Cloud:** Are you high?

**Zack:** a little bit?

 **Zack:** moving made my hurts bad

 **Zack:** and then I was scared to txt you

 **Zack:** and I maybe took some extra drugs

 **Zack:** that might be kickin in

 **Zack:** cuz im feelin it now

 **Zack:** what you doin?

**Cloud:** Okay, first of all, are you allowed to take more drugs like that?

 **Cloud:** Second, you don't need to be scared to talk to me even if I'm mad (which I'm not).

 **Cloud:** And I'm at the library.

**Zack:** so smart

 **Zack:** so nice

 **Zack:** so pretty

 **Zack:** im cry

**Cloud:** What?

**Zack:** you

 **Zack:** im cry about you

**Cloud:** Don't do that, lol.

**Zack:** your so great

 **Zack:** I hope you make soilder soon

 **Zack:** then we can hang out all teh tiem

**Cloud:** Are you sure you're okay?

**Zack:** Im fine

 **Zack:** and your SUPER fine

**Cloud:** Right…

**Zack:** your so hot

 **Zack:** I think about it all the time

Eyes blown wide, Cloud stared down at the text and tried not to drop his phone from his suddenly slippery hands. Again, Zack was going on about how attractive he thought he was. This was, like, the third time it'd happened. Zack _was_ pretty high on drugs, though. But he hadn't been three days before when he'd called Cloud beautiful. Then again, he'd said that was objective. And he'd still had the IV in, so perhaps he had been a little high.

Maybe he was just being objective now too? But that didn't seem right…

Not that any of it mattered. He wasn't in his right mind.

**Cloud:** Maybe you need to get some sleep.

**Zack:** Noooooooo

 **Zack:** I wanna talk to you

 **Zack:** I miss you

**Cloud:** It's only been three days.

**Zack:** I miss your face

 **Zack:** so beutiful

**Cloud:** I really think you need some sleep.

 **Cloud:** I'll come see you tomorrow, after I pick up your groceries.

**Zack:** really?!

**Cloud:** But only if you sleep.

**Zack:** im in bed right now

 **Zack:** Ill close my eyes

**Cloud:** Good.

**Zack:** and think of youuuuuuuuuu

**Cloud:** You shouldn't be able to text if your eyes are closed.

**Zack:** but I want to talk to you

**Cloud:** Go to sleep or I'll just leave your groceries outside your door.

**Zack:** dont be mean

 **Zack:** I know your nice

**Cloud:** Zack!

**Zack:** Okay okay Ill go to sleep

 **Zack:** im kinda falling asleep

 **Zack:** anyway

**Cloud:** Then just give in and do it.

**Zack:** I gotta tell you somthig frst

**Cloud:** What is it?

**Zack:** I gota tell you

 **Zack:** but its

 **Zack:** a secrt

**Cloud:** Hurry up.

**Zack:** its abot

 **Zack:** U

**Cloud:** What?

**Zack:** my secret

 **Zack:** is u

**Cloud:** I don't understand what you're saying.

**Zack:** I really realy like

 **Zack:** t talk

 **Zack:** I lke

 **Zack:** u

**Cloud:** Just tell me tomorrow if it's so important.

Staring down at his phone, Cloud waited and waited, but nothing more was ever said. Which, he eventually decided, was probably for the best. Zack needed to rest, and seeing as Cloud was pretty positive he'd been safely in bed, it was also safe to assume he'd likely conked out. Besides, didn't most pain killers make people tired? If he'd just taken his pills, then this seemed like a predictable outcome.

Taking a few deep breaths, Cloud did eventually stop staring at his phone in order to slide it into his pocket. He then just sat for a bit, staring at the bookshelves across from him as his conversation with Zack settled fully into his system. Ultimately, the most important thing he took from it was that he and Zack were… okay. Zack puttered on about a lot of nonsense, but that was quite normal, which was the biggest comfort Cloud needed.

They were normal.

Sure, there was a lot weighing in the back of Cloud's mind that he was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge, but at least right then, they were still friends. He honestly couldn't ask for much more. Or didn't dare to, in any case.

Gathering his study materials together, he was soon back in the barracks. He slept that night better than he had in days and woke up bright and early ready for work despite how monotonously boring it was.

About halfway through the morning, he got a text from Zack.

**Zack:** Why do you even tlk to me?

 **Zack:** im terrible

 **Zack:** sory about all the weird stuff last night

Cloud hadn't been able to reply until his lunch break.

**Cloud:** It's fine, lol.

 **Cloud:** Send me your grocery list.

He did some thirty minutes later, Cloud daring to take a peek at it while at post. The sight of it made him smile despite everything, a mood that carried him through the rest of his shift. As soon as he was free, he went to the barracks, threw on some normal clothes, and let Zack know he was headed to the commissary.

As he lived in the barracks and was expected to live off the cafeteria, Cloud had never actually been to Shinra HQ's commissary. But it was easy enough to navigate, his ID gaining him entrance before he grabbed a basket and started shopping like he was at any normal grocery store. It didn't take him long to get all of what was on Zack's list (and a few extra things he thought might be a good idea), and soon he was checking out with two large fabric bags full of groceries. They were a bit heavy, but he lugged them around nonetheless, taking it all to the registration desk a few floors above the commissary.

This was another area he'd never approached before. At his rank, there was no reason he should be going to get special permissions to do anything. But he approached the desk nonetheless, trying not to look nervous as the officer on duty turned to look at him from under their helmet.

"I need a pass to floor, um, to the floor where all the first class SOLDIERS live?" he sounded so stupid saying it, the fact that the officer on duty immediately gave him a doubtfully suspicious look doing little to help the situation.

"…Why?" he eventually asked.

"Uh, I have groceries for Zack Fair," he explained. "He was hurt really bad recently and, um…" Why was he blushing? This whole thing was stupid.

The officer still wasn't convinced. "I can't just give you permission to go up there," he said strictly. "That's a locked floor. You'd need one of the Firsts to validate that you could even get a pass before I could give you one."

"Oh…" That made sense, he supposed. "I'll just… figure that out, I guess." Picking his bags up from where he'd set them on the ground at his sides, he looked around the registration lobby and quickly located a bench against the wall. Going to it, he sat down and pulled out his phone.

**Cloud:** You have to validate that I can get a pass to come up there before they'll give me one.

**Zack:** Really?

 **Zack:** annoying

 **Zack:** hld on

And so Cloud waited, feeling somewhat out of place in the quiet lobby. He tried to distract himself with his phone, but by the time a half an hour had passed by, he was running pretty low on entertainment. Entertainment he wanted to indulge in, anyway. At least it was Sunday, so he wasn't on any sort of time crunch. No classes to get to or anything like that.

Leaning back against the wall, he stared down at his text box with Zack and sighed.

He went rigid, however, at the sight of three other infantrymen getting off the elevator and heading to the registration desk. They paused upon noticing him as well, two of them glaring from beneath their helmets.

Rich, Vic, and Allen. Cloud had been doing pretty well in staying away from them since they'd, well, beat the shit out of him. Doing as Angeal had said, he'd tried to stay out of places that would put him in a vulnerable position. Which had done him well in avoiding any further confrontation. But still, the nasty looks never ceased, and so Cloud released his own glare upon them, knowing they wouldn't dare do anything where other eyes were watching.

Rich scowled in response, which only had Cloud glaring harder. That was, until the officer behind the desk hung up from his phone conversation before leaning out to get a look into the lobby. Seemingly unaware of the tension, he let his attention fall on Cloud.

"Are you Strife?" he asked.

Startled, Cloud yanked his attention from the other three before fumbling out an answer. "Y—Yeah, that's me."

"I've got your pass," he said flatly, carrying the tone of someone who was very tired of their job.

"Oh, okay." Grabbing his groceries, Cloud forcefully ignored the other three still watching him as he went to the counter, taking petty satisfaction in the fact that he was cutting them off as he did.

"You need to fill out this form first," the officer explained, handing Cloud a tablet and stylus. It was a basic sign-in form, asking for his name, the date and time, his purpose, that sort of stuff. He noted that the digital signature of his validator was already at the bottom, surprised that it wasn't Zack's name, but Angeal's.

Hm, he didn't know what to think of that.

"We're here to get our clean-up passes." Rich, Vic, and Allen had approached as he was filling out the form, Cloud moving down the counter some so he wasn't so close to them. They'd produced their IDs, which were scanned, before the officer turned his attention to his computer.

"Afternoon clean-up duty issued by General Angeal Hewley?" the officer asked, which got him three begrudging agreements. Cloud, however, had to hold back a satisfied hum, knowing that would only make his problems with the other three worse. But it was extremely pleasing to know that Angeal was still punishing them for what they'd done to him (unless they'd done something else to warrant clean-up duty, which was just fine too). Obviously, it wasn't the same punishment that had led to Zack's accident—all of them meeting in one place for a full day—but it was something similar, which was more than enough.

Pretending to stay focused on the form he'd already finished filling out, Cloud ignored the nasty glares continuing to be thrown his way as the three turned away. Once they were clear of the counter, he continued to completely ignore them as he handed the tablet back to the officer and waited for his own pass.

He was a little relieved when they'd vanished inside the elevator, despite any joy he'd gotten out of their situation.

"It's good for today, until midnight," the officer explained as he handed Cloud the guest ID card. "Return it when you're done, please."

Nodding, Cloud took it, once again grabbed up his groceries, and headed to the elevator. It took some time as its previous occupants had ridden all the way to the bottom floor, and was empty when it finally did open up to allow him entrance. Scanning the guest card, it immediately selected the correct floor for him, before starting to make its way up. And even though it stopped a few times to allow some suits to file in and out on the locked floors, Cloud had the feeling that if he tried to step off with them, his pass would set off an alarm.

He did eventually make it all the way up, his arms beginning to grow a bit tired as he stepped into the quiet hallway. No SOLDIERS were around, which was apparently pretty normal as he'd never run into any of them during the times he'd found himself there. Maybe they had better things to do than hang out in their apartments. It didn't seem like Zack spent much time there either, when he could help it.

Having no issues remembering where to go, he was soon standing outside Zack's door, the grocery bag looped around his wrist as he held his guest keycard up to the scanner. This, however, did not gain him entrance to Zack's room, instead earning him an angry beep as the scanner flashed red.

So the guest keycard got him to the floor, but barred him from the actual apartments. Then again, that made sense too, he supposed, seeing as anyone not allowed to come to this floor would likely be meeting someone else, not just wandering aimlessly.

Thankfully, he'd prepared for such an event. Not having known how any of this worked, he'd brought the keycard Zack had given him just in case, though he hadn't really planned on using it. Doing his best not to knock his grocery bags around too much, he pulled the lanyard out of his pocket before scanning the card. This time he got the green go-ahead, the door clicking loose.

Using his toe to push it open, he soon found himself stumbling inside.

"I was getting up," Zack started from the bed, his legs already thrown over the side like he'd been about to stand. Not that he looked like he should be, Cloud quickly noted.

Wearing only a loose fitting pair of Shinra-issue sweatpants, Zack's pallid, clammy body was otherwise on display. Which drew Cloud's attention first for all the wrong reasons (because wow, Zack was really well-built. Broad, rounded shoulders, defined muscles everywhere, it was almost too much). But as soon as his eyes fell to the covered injury in the middle of his abdomen, all of Cloud's thoughts zeroed in on that.

"Don't get up," he said quickly, noting that Zack was breathing hard. Were his arms trembling. "In fact, you better lay back down."

"I'm okay," Zack lied, sparing Cloud a tired smile at the same time.

Pursing his lips, Cloud was not convinced, but supposed it was a moot point to argue. Casting Zack a doubtful look, he made his way across the small apartment to the kitchenette, replacing his keycards in his pocket after he set the groceries on the counter. Not entirely sure what to say now that he was back in Zack's apartment—the first time he'd been there since he'd bled all over the bathroom floor—he set his concentration on unloading everything from the bags even as he listened to Zack's labored breathing.

"It doesn't matter where anything goes," Zack eventually said, as Cloud hesitantly pulled open the fridge. "I don't usually spend enough time here to have groceries at all."

A fair statement, as the fridge was nearly empty. There was still tons of extra space even after Cloud had unloaded everything that required the cold, but at least Zack would be set for a little while. Everything else he sort-of organized nicely on the counter, assuming that most of it would be used in the near future anyway.

"Thanks, Cloud," Zack said as he finally turned to face him. He was still sitting up in bed and appeared even worse for wear than when Cloud had first arrived.

"You should probably lay back down," Cloud said again, unable to hide his concern as he went a little closer.

Zack, however, shook his head. "I've been trying to get up all day. I really want to take a shower." Yet, even as he said it, he cringed, his hand wavering around his wound without actually daring to touch it.

"Are you in pain?" Cloud asked, once more shuffling a few steps closer.

"Um, a little, but it's not bad." Zack yet again tried at a smile, but all it really did was make him look more like he was lying.

"Your pain meds should alleviate most of that," Cloud said strictly.

"Oh, yeah, they do. I just haven't taken any today."

Cloud gaped. "Why not?!"

"Oh, well…" Zack just barely shrugged one shoulder. "I just… don't need them."

"You obviously do!"

But Zack was shaking his head, appearing uncomfortable on top of whatever pain he was in.

"Zack, don't be stupid." Not something Cloud would normally say to him, as he didn't like the fact that Zack sometimes referred to himself using that same word. But he _was_ acting stupid. He was sweaty and shaky—clearly in need of some kind of pain relief.

Looking around, Cloud located a little green bottle sitting on Zack's nightstand. Striding quickly over, he picked it up and surveyed the label, deducing that these were, in fact, pain pills and that Zack was supposed to be taking two every eight hours.

"You haven't taken any of these all day?" Cloud asked, beginning to grow irritated.

"I said I don't want them."

Cloud growled. "Why not?"

"Because I don't—I just don't, okay?"

But Cloud wasn't having any of it. Opening the bottle, he shook two into his hand before grabbing up the water bottle also sitting on the end table. He then put himself directly in front of Zack, holding both his hands out impatiently.

"Take them."

Zack weakly tried to wave him off. "I don't want them."

"Zack, come on. You're supposed to take them for a reason."

"I don't like them," he finally snapped, having to take a few deep breaths to recover afterward.

"What do you mean?" It was a question, but Cloud's tone was demanding.

"I don't like… what they do to me," he admitted, refusing to look Cloud in the eyes.

"What they do to you? What does that mean?"  
"It means that I… that…" He pursed his lips, appearing to struggle some, before inevitably giving in. "I keep saying things to you that I shouldn't be."

Initially at a loss for words, it took Cloud a moment to understand what he was saying. But when he did, he found himself all the more exasperated.

"You don't need to worry about that," he said, his voice a bit gentler now. "I can tell when you're off—none of it bothers me." Even if his heart did drop a little at Zack practically admitting what he'd been saying was nonsense.

"It bothers _me_."

"Zack, please." Cloud held the pills a little closer.

But still, he refused.

Sighing, Cloud cupped the pills carefully as he came and sat down on the bed beside the older boy. Ignoring as best he could the heat that wafted from Zack's bare body, he tried to come up with something reassuring to say.

"You've never said anything too terrible," he started. "Besides, it's very flattering most of the time." Reasoning that had Zack groaning. "And if not that, it's at least amusing. Like I said, I know when you start saying… well, I get it. So please, take your pills." Once again, he held them out.

"It's still inappropriate," Zack muttered weakly.

"Not as inappropriate as you choosing pain over a few harmless texts. C'mon."

Despite looking miserable about it, Zack did eventually take the pills. He glared at them for a few seconds, before ultimately throwing them back. He then topped it off with some water, before Cloud took the bottle and placed it back on the end table.

"They're going to make me super loopy when they kick in," Zack explained. "I want to get a shower before then."

Cloud nodded.

"Can you grab me those waterproof bandages. They're sitting on the desk."

Nodding again, Cloud got up and easily located the large box among the plethora of bandages stacked up beside the keyboard. Returning, he ignored Zack's hand, instead taking it upon himself to pull one of the plastic sheets from the box. It was adhesive, but not the super strong kind like normal bandages. It was made for short-term use, easily able to be peeled away afterward.

Zack, to his credit, tried to reach for the large white bandage already covering his wound, but was flinching in pain within a few seconds of the effort.

"Just let me do it," Cloud muttered, thankful when Zack didn't put up a fight.

Hoping his blush wasn't too obvious, Cloud crowded a bit closer, beginning to very carefully peel away the bandage already attached to Zack's skin. His labored breathing was all the more apparent this close, his obvious pain pushing most of the embarrassed, inappropriate thoughts from Cloud's mind.

The wound itself was clean. Red and swollen, sure, but holding together. Cloud knew Zack had required surgery, so it must have been stitched together by the med staff afterward. Still, it was a grizzly sight, one that had Cloud's stomach turning as he stared.

"Neat battle scar, huh?" Zack asked, which had Cloud flicking his focus up in annoyance.

"You almost died," he scolded, finally taking the waterproof bandage and laying it over the wound. Zack just barely laughed, which had Cloud growling as he leaned around to get a look at his back. He had another bandage there, Cloud peeling this one away as well.

The wound on his back was worse than the one on his front. The skin was more scarred up, like the spike had literally burst through his other side. Just the thought had Cloud growing nauseous, so he quickly covered the sight with the plastic bandage and looked away.

"Thanks," Zack said simply, before a determined expression overtook his face. He was trying to stand a second later, Cloud surging to his feet beside him. He held his arms out cautiously, afraid that Zack was going to fall over the moment he stood.

He wavered dangerously, which had Cloud's breath catching, but he did manage to remain upright.

"See? I'm okay," Zack insisted. "Can you get me one of the towels from the top of the closet?"

Hesitant to leave Zack on his own, Cloud remained where he was just a second longer, before supposing _someone_ had to get Zack a towel. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to loiter around him while he was bathing. He'd just have to have faith that Zack knew his limits.

Quickly, he went to the closet beside the desk, pulling open the door and reaching up for one of the unfolded towels sitting on the top shelf. Yanking it down, he ignored the other towels that came tumbling down with it in order to turn his attention back to Zack as swiftly as possible. Zack, who was very slowly shuffling his way by the couch. He had to reach out and use the table beside the couch for support, but did stay on his feet even as Cloud once again rushed up beside him.

Not wanting to come across as overbearing, Cloud fluttered around him nervously. That was, until they reached the bathroom door. It was here that Zack turned to him, taking the towel and silently making it clear that he intended to make the rest of the trip alone.

"Say something if you need help," Cloud said anyway, which earned him another weak smile.

"You worry too much."

"Again, you _almost died_."

Reasoning that got him another quiet chuckle as Zack hobbled into the bathroom. The door closing behind him had Cloud even more uptight than he already was, leaving him with the urge to crack it open just so he could hear better how Zack was doing. But that would be a huge invasion of privacy, so he pushed back on the impulse and instead returned his attention to the kitchen.

He didn't know if Zack had eaten anything that day, but decided he needed to eat more regardless. As he'd said before, he couldn't cook, but he had picked up some canned soups, which were manageable. He could also do a mediocre grilled cheese. Locating the single pot and skillet that Zack owned, he set them on the stove and turned the dials, his ears ever-trained on the bathroom.

It took some ten minutes, but the shower spray was eventually audible, which told Cloud that Zack was making some progress. Still, he listened carefully the whole time he was "cooking," eventually setting the completed (somewhat burned) sandwich aside, the soup only needing a few more minutes before he removed that from the burner as well. Which left him with little to do aside from wait. He once again reorganized everything on the counter, before giving in to a sigh and moving around the apartment, picking up Zack's dirty clothes and dumping them into a single pile (he said he'd help him with laundry after all). He was somewhat amused to realize that Zack had some six sets of SOLDIER pauldrons, as if he got a new set with every uniform. He stacked them carefully beside the desk, in front of the giant sword Zack apparently left casually leaning against the wall around the apartment.

It was as he was attempting to balance the final pauldron atop the others that a loud clattering echoed inside the bathroom. Jumping up, he was at the door in half a second, barely managing to keep his voice contained as he leaned his ear in. He didn't want Zack to think he'd been listening, but he also wanted to know what was going on.

Who was he kidding—it was reasonable that he'd heard such a loud noise. Besides, he was becoming too anxious to keep quiet.

"Zack?" he called and knocked on the door. "Are you alright?"

The shower was continually running, but Cloud was still pretty certain Zack hadn't said anything. He waited a few seconds more before knocking again.

"Zack?" he repeated, continuing to wait even as his heart beat faster inside his chest. The seconds felt slow, his concern doubling with each beat of his heart in his ears.

"I'm coming in," he decided, acting on the urge despite any insecurities that set off warning bells in his mind.

The door was unlocked as he pushed it open, his attention snapping immediately to the glass walls surrounding the shower. Despite the fact that it was fogged up, he should be able to make out Zack's figure on the other side. The fact that he couldn't sent his heart into overdrive, his whole body buzzing with nerves as he quickly jogged to the shower door.

"Zack?" he called again, just as a warning, and still there was no response.

His distress alleviated any sort of hesitation, Cloud yanking the door open and leaning quickly inside.

Zack was on the floor, which was just about the worst place he'd imagined finding him. Most of his body was laid out atop the tile, only his shoulder and the side of his head cocked awkwardly against the glass. Blood trickled down his temple, Cloud immediately noting the dent in the plastic shelf beside him. Whatever bottles had been on the shelf were scattered around the shower, the whole scene spelling out quite clearly what had happened.

"Shit," Cloud swore, not caring the least about the shower spray as he stepped in. "Shit, shit," he whispered, pushing back on his panic as he squeezed his way into the small space. The water was quickly soaking through his clothes, but he hardly noticed it as he crouched down beside Zack and gently cupped the side of his face.

"Zack?" he asked, his voice shooting up an octave.

But as he spoke, Zack's eyelashes fluttered, soon revealing his green-tinged blue eyes as he focused up.

"—Mmokay," he muttered. "Just fell."

"You're not," Cloud murmured, trying not to sound too upset, afraid that would only make the situation worse. "You hit your head." He wiped some of the blood away, pushing his own wet hair out of his face at the same time.

"Did I?" Zack asked. "I'zjust dizzy. Isdrugs mebe."

Maybe it was the drugs, or maybe it was the fact that he was still hurt, hadn't eaten all day, and had tried standing for too long.

"Can you sit up?" Cloud asked, aware that he was already sliding his hands up under Zack's arms in attempts to help him. It was easy enough to ignore his nakedness—not because Cloud wasn't affected by it, but because there were far more pressing matters at hand than the fact that Zack was entirely exposed before him.

Nodding weakly, Zack very feebly pushed himself more solidly into the sitting position, Cloud lifting him some at the same time. Which put them both more directly into the spray of the shower. But it was also reassuring, because Zack immediately blinked against the water, turning away from it. So he was responding well enough, anyway.

Standing, Cloud looked around for the shower knobs. Turning them both, the water came to a stop, though his clothes were so sopping that the dripping from his own joggers echoed atop the tile.

Satisfied that Zack, at the very least, couldn't hurt himself any further, Cloud stepped back out of the shower and quickly grabbed the towel hanging outside. He then slipped back in, returning to Zack's side and laying the towel over his chest in attempts to start drying him. Zack watched him while he did, which was also reassuring.

"Sorry," he mumbled out.

"It's fine," Cloud assured. "I just want to get you a little dried off before we try and get you up. You don't need to slip and fall again."

He dragged the towel down Zack's body, aware he was blushing some as he grazed over his… well, between his legs, thankful that he could mostly dry him while keeping that part… "shielded." He didn't exactly dry there either, supposing he could just stay wet in that area as opposed to Cloud groping him in attempts to help.

Not that the towel could stay on his body forever, Cloud eventually dragging it back up to his head. Leaning in, he very gingerly wiped down his face, very much aware of how Zack's eyes remained locked on his face the whole time. It wasn't until he was pulling it back over his hair that he got a good look at the cut above his temple. Leaning even closer, he carefully pushed Zack's hair back out of the way, which revealed only a very shallow cut. He couldn't have hit that hard, then, hopefully.

"You're all wet," Zack said quietly, though their proximity made it easy for Cloud to hear him. Flicking his attention from the cut to Zack's face, he found himself suddenly very aware of how close they were. Barely inches apart, in fact, Cloud's body hanging only just above Zack's own, his chin nearly skimming Zack's nose as he peered down at him.

"Yeah…" was all he could say in response, the word coming out like a breath of air, while his attention was snagged on the sight of Zack's eyes so up close and personal. They were blue, but darker than Cloud's own, with only the vaguest streaks and flecks of brown. While around the pupil, the telltale SOLDIER trademark green glowed, stretching out into the blue like an ink spill.

His skin was tanner than Cloud's own, lacking some in freckles as well, though there were a few darker spots around the corner of his right brow. Little beauty marks, perhaps, which Cloud found his thumb unconsciously caressing even as he feigned the touch being centered on the bleeding cut further back.

Zack, meanwhile, somehow managed to put the energy forward to pull his own hand up, his knuckles only barely brushing away the water that was dripping down Cloud's cheek. His touch, while light, sent sparks spinning down through Cloud's stomach, his breath catching despite how he tried to stay calm. With them this close, there was no way Zack hadn't noticed.

"These drugs, man," Zack murmured. "I can't help it—you're so fuckin' beautiful."

Maybe it was everything Cloud knew that Zack didn't, or the fact that they were in such a weird position given the situation, but all Cloud could manage in response was a weak, small smile. One that he knew was far too full of adoration to go unnoticed. That his hand was still very lightly holding the side of Zack's face didn't help much either.

"Hey, Cloud?" Zack whispered after a few heavy seconds.

Cloud only managed a small hum of acknowledgment.

"I'm naked," he finished, his quiet announcement drawing a light laugh up Cloud's throat.

"I know," he said softly. "But it's alright—nothing I haven't seen before." He wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure more between the two of them, but his words pulled a light chuckle out of Zack, so that had to count for something.

Noting that Zack's head was still bleeding, Cloud forced himself from the throes of whatever thriving affection was encouraging him to continue staring into Zack's eyes, instead rationalizing over the fact that he needed to get Zack out of the shower and more fully dried off. And then somehow get him back to bed.

One thing at a time, however.

"Do you think you can stand up?" he asked, wary of trying to carry Zack himself. He'd been working out, sure, but Zack was still a big guy.

"Oh probably," Zack said, his words offering absolutely nothing in the way of reassurance. But supposing that was probably the best he was going to get, Cloud tossed the towel over his shoulder before standing. He remained bent over some, however, his hand hooked up under Zack's arm.

Slowly pulling his feet up under him, Zack grunted and leaned back against the glass as he gradually shimmied himself to his feet. Cloud kept a steady hold on him the whole time, doing what he could to help in the cramped space of the shower. He was of far greater assistance once Zack was fully standing, able to take a considerable amount of Zack's weight as he leaned heavily against him.

"We're just gonna go over to the toilet, okay?" Cloud said, very carefully edging them toward the door to the shower. Thankfully, Zack moved along alright, even if his feet dragged some. Cloud was more concerned with the fact that he was still wet and might slip, which was something he kept an avid eye on as they made their way out of the shower and slowly across the bathroom. Zack leaned even more heavily against him at about the halfway point, Cloud practically hugging him from the side in order to keep him standing. Based on the nauseated noise Zack had made, he was probably being assaulted by dizziness.

Still, they somehow made it all the way to the toilet, Cloud very carefully helping Zack to turn before lowering him down. Once seated atop the closed lid, Zack released a heavy sigh and leaned back against the bowl, while Cloud made the mistake of letting his eyes wander a little too much. Now that things weren't quite as dire, he was very much aware of the fact that Zack was extremely naked, still quite wet, and lacking in absolutely all modesty.

For far too long, Cloud's eyes lingered, gradually falling lower. Down, down over Zack's toned abs to that black hair leading away from his navel. There was absolutely nothing to hide exactly every asset he possessed, Cloud uncertain if he was intimidated or turned on by exactly how blessed Zack was. He was a tall, muscular guy after all, and everything about him was perfectly proportioned to fit that mold.

Was Zack… was he, like, half hard?!

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!

Cloud needed to look somewhere else.

Literally, anywhere else before he was caught.

Ripping his attention to the side, he went to the sink and put all his focus on opening the cabinet in search of something to help Zack, though he wasn't entirely sure what he was looking for. The heat beating down between his own legs was a little distracting, scattering his thoughts until he located a small, travel-sized first aid kit.

That would work.

Remembering that he also still had the towel slung over his shoulder, Cloud made himself ready as he turned to face Zack again. He dropped the towel over his lap as casually as possible (if that was possible at all), before resetting his focus on the fresh cut. Zack said nothing, apparently content to react as little as possible when Cloud grabbed his chin and cocked his head to the side so he could get a better look at his temple.

Taking a small antiseptic wipe from the kit, Cloud wiped at the cut, aware that Zack flinched just a bit. Still, he didn't dawdle in sponging the blood away, before grabbing a band aid big enough to cover the shallow injury. Careful not to snag any of Zack's hair in the adhesive, he was soon pressing it into place, thankful that the whole thing wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"All patched up?" Zack asked, when Cloud took a step back out of his personal space.

"Barring you don't knock yourself around anymore, yes," Cloud replied.

"I didn't do it on purpose…"

Humming in a way that was wholly impossible to interpret, Cloud flicked his attention from Zack back to the shower, where he saw Zack's sweats sitting on the floor just outside the door. Quickly going to retrieve them, it was as he was reaching out to pick them up that he was reminded that he was still completely soaked through.

Careful not to get Zack's sweats wet, he held them out at a safe distance from his own body as he returned to the toilet, before offering them over. Zack took them gladly, immediately trying to bend forward to slip them on, which really only pulled a short, painful breath out of him, before he wavered dangerously to the side.

"Stop, stop," Cloud said quickly, grabbing Zack by the shoulder and setting him straight, before taking his sweats and crouching down at his feet. Wanting to be as efficient as possible (he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand being in the same room with Naked Zack), he quickly grabbed each of Zack's feet and slipped them into the proper holes, before sliding the pants up to his knees. At which point Zack—who was, in fact, blushing a bright red, Cloud noted—took over, yanking them gracelessly up under the towel until he was covered. They still sagged a bit around his hips, specifically in the butt area as he'd had trouble slipping them between himself and the toilet seat, but it was still better than nothing.

Releasing the relieved breath he hadn't realized he was holding, Cloud took a moment to settle his own nerves before once again standing straight. Zack, to his credit, was looking anywhere but at Cloud, which eased some of the discomfort Cloud was personally feeling.

Whatever. No point in dwelling on that which couldn't be helped, or something…

Except that Cloud's brain _was_ dwelling, images of Zack without his pants on—fresh and real and very precise—continually flashing in his mind's eye. No doubt they'd still be there when he was alone, which was going to make everything he was dealing with worse than it already was. He'd long since accepted that fantasizing about Zack had become an irreversible part of his life (even if being consistently in the barracks or public places meant he was in an endless state of frustration), which meant that having actually seen… what he'd seen would make it that much harder to push such thoughts aside in the future.

No, he could worry about that later. As of then, he needed to focus on more important things.

"Think you can get to your bed?" Cloud asked, keeping his voice purposefully flat, afraid of how he's sound if he didn't.

"I think so," Zack said, though his expression was somewhat uncertain. "I'm a little dizzy still, but better than before, I think."

"Yeah, sure." Cloud wasn't convinced. Once more at Zack's side, he helped him to his feet, again wrapping his arms around him from the side as he helped him out of the bathroom and to the bed. Zack did better this time than he had from the shower, making the walk relatively painless until Cloud was finally helping him down to the mattress.

"Success," Zack said as he settled into place.

"If this is your definition of success, then Shinra must be very disappointed in your general performance," Cloud snarked, his commentary earning him a wounded laugh from Zack. "Don't lay back," he said when it looked like he might. "We need to change your bandages again."

"What would I do without you?"

"Die," Cloud said simply, only feeling the truth of the word after he'd said it. Zack laughed again, not realizing the significance, while all the heat was suddenly zapped from Cloud's body. He found himself preferring the naked images of Zack to the ones now flooding his thoughts. Those of Zack sprawled out on the ground, bleeding out while Cloud desperately tried to figure out how to use the materia that ultimately saved him.

It was like walking out into a bitter winter wind from a warm, cozy house, Cloud's hand shaking just a bit as he grabbed the box of large white bandages from the desk.

Silent, he returned to Zack, pulling away one bandage and replacing it, before doing the same with the wound on his back.

"I've got some more sweats in the closet," Zack said, once Cloud was tossing his shower bandages in the nearest trash can.

Cloud cast him a curious look.

"For you," Zack made clear, an amused grin pulling at his lips. "You're soaking wet."

"Oh, right." Cloud glanced down at himself, pulling at his shirt, which was so wet still that it was suctioning to his skin.

"They should be on the floor," Zack explained, once Cloud was at the closet again. "In that basket."

It was easy enough to find, Cloud once again feeling the way his cheeks warmed when more than just a pair of sweatpants were found in the basket (he was going to get whiplash at this rate). Pushing the multiple pairs of Zack's boxer-briefs to the side, he also found a sweatshirt. Both the pants and shirt were way too big, but they'd do given the situation.

"I'm gonna go change," Cloud muttered, gesturing to the bathroom.

"Not gonna give me the same show you got?" Zack dared to ask.

Cloud cast him a dubious eye, not totally certain if he was being serious or not. It was hard to read his tone, which left them staring at each other across the silent apartment, Cloud pausing just outside the bathroom door.

There was something there, between them. A sort of sparking tension.

Ultimately, Cloud said "No," which had Zack sighing before he slowly settled into laying down flat atop the bed.

Rolling his eyes, Cloud pushed his way inside the bathroom. Once he was successfully closed in, he took a moment to simply stand and breathe. It didn't exactly settle his nerves, but it did make it so he could attempt to organize the scattered bedlam his visit with Zack had thus far caused. In the end, however, organized turmoil was still turmoil, Cloud giving in to the fact that there was likely to be no relief from the flashing heat, butterflies, and frantically beating heart that was constantly haunting his body.

It did help that he… that he also kind of liked it all.

Really liked it, actually.

Sighing, he moved to set the clothes Zack had given him on the toilet, before beginning to peel away his own. He was relatively displeased to note that his boxers were soaked through as well, leaving him to either wear them wet or discard them as well.

The thought of wearing a pair of Zack's briefs flashed fleetingly through his thoughts, but was quickly tossed out as his cheeks flared.

He'd rather go commando.

Shedding his boxers as well, he then stared at the towel Zack had dropped previously, once again assaulted by memories of drying Zack with the same towel. The rational part of his brain admonished him for finding any sort if eroticism in the thought of using the same towel, while the monkey side of his brain decided it was a delightful idea.

Ultimately, he needed to pat himself somewhat dry and that was the only towel around. Pushing back on the heat that engulfed him as he dragged the towel down his body, he somewhat succeeded in locking most of it away. But as he turned to the clothes waiting for him, that heat surged full-force, leaving him with a twitching between his legs and a weakness in his knees that threatened to upend him.

They were just clothes. Zack's clothes, sure. Clothes that had previously been intimately close to Zack. Zack, who wasn't wearing any underwear then and maybe didn't wear it at other times he was lounging around his apartment. Which meant that the sweats Cloud was about to put on…

Once again, he scolded himself for such immature, stupid thoughts. That wasn't how the world worked—it didn't matter where the pants had been, because they were just pants at the end of the day. Not as if they were branded by Zack's dick.

Stubbornly shoving everything back down, he grabbed the sweats and quickly slipped them on. They were _way_ too big, Cloud having to pull the drawstring tight and, even then, they were still barely staying on his hips. It didn't help that they were likely too big for Zack as well—perhaps intended to fit more loosely. The sweatshirt wasn't any better, Cloud practically swimming in it as he tugged it down over his head.

But at least he was covered and no longer wet. That had to count for something.

Grabbing up his own clothes, he hung them from a nearby towel wrack to dry, before taking the towel and wiping up the trail of water leading from the shower. It was as he finished this that he realized he was stalling. What for, he wasn't sure, because the rabid fluttering in his chest was insisting that he return to Zack. But, well, his anxiety was postponing it as long as possible.

There was only so much he could do in the bathroom, however. Besides, the food he'd made was going to get even colder than it already was the longer he dawdled.

Bracing himself despite rationalizing that there was nothing to be preparing himself for, Cloud finally left the bathroom behind. Glancing at the bed, he found that Zack hadn't moved, though his eyes did crack open to look Cloud up and down as he emerged.

"You should eat something," Cloud said simply, before turning to go to the kitchenette.

"I dunno," Zack replied, sounding relatively uncomfortable. "I still feel a bit nauseous."

"You're nauseous because you haven't eaten anything," Cloud said strictly, pulling open the cabinets until he found a cheap plastic bowl and plate that would serve his purposes. His reasoning didn't earn him a response, which Cloud took as validation of his point. Sliding the sandwich onto the plate, he then poured the soup into the bowl before scouring the drawers until he found a lone spoon sitting atop a pile of napkins and post-it notes. Wiping it clean, he deemed it acceptable.

Zack had taken it upon himself to sit up again, saving Cloud having to bother him about it as he made his way over. He eventually found himself standing before the bed, the dishes held out for Zack to take. But Zack was apparently not the least bit concerned about the food, his eyes yet focused on Cloud. Before he reached out and, instead of taking what Cloud he offered, pulled at the base of Cloud's sweatshirt, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"What?" Cloud asked.

Zack lightly shook his head, his smile still in place as his hands moved from the edge of the sweatshirt until they framing Cloud's hips. He then grabbed hold of the fabric and tugged Cloud closer.

"Zack," Cloud said, trying to sound strict as he stumbled forward. He was basically standing between Zack's knees by that point, the food in his hands held out to the sides so as to avoid any type of collision.

"My clothes are so huge on you," Zack said, Cloud scoffing at the obvious. "Like, your waist is tiny."

"Thanks," Cloud said flatly. "I'm working on it."

"No, don't be mad," Zack whimpered, his arms moving to wrap around Cloud's waist. Which inevitably tugged him even closer—the fronts of his legs right up against the bed—while Zack leaned in and burrowed his face against Cloud's stomach.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked, thankful Zack couldn't see the painful redness that had assaulted his face.

But Zack didn't respond. He just sighed, his hold around Cloud tightening as he rubbed his face into the fabric of the sweatshirt Cloud wore.

Huffing, Cloud gave up any sort of fight, continuing to hold the soup carefully in one hand while he brought he plate with the sandwich over to rest atop Zack's damp hair. Wanting to be patient, he did his best to wait, not entirely sure what Zack was aiming to accomplish, but not exactly having a problem with it either.

Still, he had a habit of angling toward efficiency, at least when he felt there were important tasks to be dealt with. It was nice, being so close and wrapped up in Zack's embrace, but there were more pressing matters to attend to.

"Hey," he said gently, which got him a grunt from Zack. "You really need to eat something." He tapped the plate atop Zack's head, as if that would do any better in getting his attention.

Another grunt that was followed by no progress. Supposing he'd have to be more forceful, Cloud eventually started to pull back, which earned him a whine as Zack weakly tried to keep him in place.

"You'll feel better once you eat something, I promise," Cloud assured, finally taking the step away that broke Zack's hold around him.

Looking none too happy, Zack slumped his shoulders. But he did finally take one of the dishes when Cloud held them out, opting for the soup first.

Balancing the sandwich in one hand, Cloud turned and sat down on the mattress to Zack's right. Pulling his phone from his pocket—he'd moved it from his joggers to these sweats—he pretended like he was distracting himself, when really he just thought it'd be kind of weird if he watched Zack eat. Thankfully, it didn't take Zack long with the soup, Cloud exchanging the sandwich for the empty bowl, which he set aside upon the end table.

"You burnt it," Zack mentioned, still eating the sandwich anyway.

Cloud didn't bother looking up from his phone. "I warned you."

A response that got him a light laugh.

"I do think I feel a little better," Zack admitted once he was done, while Cloud set the plate aside.

"I told you," he said.

"I'd be helpless without you," Zack replied, his handsome grin falling into place.

"I think it more likely that I'm enabling you."

"Hah, maybe. I kind of like you taking care of me."

"Cleaning up after you, you mean."

Zack curled his nose. "You make it sound so bad."

"I'm a realist."

"You're supposed to be _nice_."

"Tough love or whatever," Cloud decided. "Speaking of, you should probably get some rest."

Zack pouted. "I've been resting all day."

"Yeah, well, based on what's all happened since I got here, you still need more."

"It's the drugs. They make me tired."

"All the more reason."

"Or we could watch a movie or something."

"Zack…"

"What? Movies aren't strenuous."

"You're just making excuses."

"I'm not!"

"There's no way you'd make it through a movie. You'll be conked out in the first ten minutes."

"I won't! Sleeping doesn't come to me as easy as it does you."

"It does when you've got drugs helping you get there."

Zack frowned.

"I'm not kidding. Just because you're not in the hospital anymore doesn't mean you can push it." Cloud did his best to look stern. "You've already done more today than you could handle."

"I slipped, that's all."

Cloud wasn't buying it.

"Can't we just hang out? That's kind of like resting, so long as we're just, you know, chilling."

Reasoning that Cloud didn't quite understand. He could see the tired bags under Zack's eyes and the way he just barely managed to keep himself sitting upright. Clearly, he was tired. So why keep fighting the inevitable?

"We can 'chill' till you fall asleep," Cloud decided. "But you're staying in bed."

"That's a trap."

"You're the one trying to weasel your way out of it," Cloud pointed out. "It's not a trap if it's necessary."

"But I don't want to."

"Now you just sound like a child."

A rebuke that earned him thin glare, which he was not the least bit fazed by.

"I don't get why you're fighting it," Cloud said. "The whole point of recovery is to rest."

"Because if I'm sleeping, then…" Zack pursed his lips, as if he'd stoppered his words purposefully before something could escape.

So Cloud waited, his arms crossing critically over his chest.

Eventually—after some thirty seconds of expectant silence—Zack gave in.

"You'll stay, right?" he asked, his voice subdued as any and all rebelliousness dropped from his person. Which had Cloud blinking stupidly, uncertain how he was meant to react to such a question. "Please stay," Zack continued, his hand coming out to gently finger at Cloud's sleeve, pinching the fabric as if to weakly hold him in place. "I'm tired of being alone."

"I'll… be here until you fall asleep," Cloud offered. Not like he could just… stay indefinitely. He had to get back to barracks before curfew, plus he had work in the morning.

Yet, his response didn't appear to improve Zack's mood any, his whole posture slumping in sad defeat.

"Once you fall asleep, you won't even know I'm gone," Cloud reasoned.

"I'm a light sleeper," Zack said flatly. "I'll be awake as soon as you leave."

"What?"

Zack sighed. "Rest is all well and good and I need it or whatever, but I don't sleep well by myself. It's… stupid, I know. And now that the drugs are making me drowsy, it's just worse. Because I feel super tired but I'm also waking up all the time." Which wouldn't amount to any good sort of rest, if what he said was true.

"Then how do you sleep normally?" Cloud asked.

"I don't sleep a whole lot when I'm here," he admitted. "A few hours here and there. I do better when I'm out on missions, because there's other people around all the time. It's just, like…" His cheeks went a little pink. "It's comforting, hearing someone else nearby, I guess."

"Oh…"

"It's stupid, I know."

"It's not stupid."

He took a huffing breath. "It's always been like that. Back in Gongaga, well, we were kind of poor, you know? And so the house was a one room house for a lot of my time growing up. And since my mom was a stay-at-home sort, she was always… I don't know, it's just better when someone's there."

Cloud chuckled. "I bet you slept like a baby in the barracks."

Which pulled a smile back to Zack's face. "Every night."

They fell silent, Cloud turning the situation around in his thoughts as Zack stared down at his lap.

"I can stay a bit longer." He finally gave in. "But I have to be back at my barracks by midnight." There was nothing he could do about that.

"So you'll stay until at least, like, 11:50?"

Cloud snorted. "Sure. But you have to try and sleep."

"I'll sleep great if you stay," he guaranteed.

Cloud hummed.

It was obvious Zack was visibly relieved by the turn of events. Which was more than enough to convince Cloud he'd done the right thing in deciding to stay longer. It was kind of a waste of time on his end, seeing as he hadn't brought anything to preoccupy himself, but if it helped Zack, then it was worth it.

Seemingly on board with staying in bed so long as he wasn't going to be left alone, Zack finally pulled himself fully onto the mattress, cringing only a bit as he scooted back and dropped his head heavily atop one of his two pillows. He then turned onto his side, hands curling up by his chest as he looked at Cloud.

Cloud, who decided he might as well stay where he was until Zack fell asleep, before he went and, what, washed his two dishes or something? Maybe he _would_ end up cleaning Zack's apartment. Lame.

Or he could just keep playing games on his PHS.

This was what he settled on for the time being, pulling his own legs up onto the edge of the mattress and crossing his feet at the ankles as he leaned against the headboard. He was aware that Zack continued watching him, but was afraid he'd end up blushing again if he acknowledged it.

"Hey, Cloud?" Zack asked, after a few minutes had passed.

"Hmm?"

"We're _friends_ … right?"

Cloud finally spared him a curious look. "Aren't we?"

Zack closed his eyes. "Yeah," he muttered, snuggling his nose against the pillow. "Yeah, we are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present day Zack is bitter as FUCK! lol. Poor guy. Not that I blame him. 
> 
> The past is getting... lol. So, the rating for this story will be changing in the near future. I've already changed it to mature and will be adding new tags soonish. Eventually it'll probably go to explicit. I wasn't originally going to go that route with this story, but as it developed, that was just... the direction it went. So, uh, sorry if that's outside anyone's comfort zone, lol. 
> 
> Jeez, this chapter is long, hahahaha. Hope it wasn't boring. 
> 
> AND! Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--if you enjoy my bullshit.


	14. Chapter 14

_Present Day_

"Another Shinra building," Angeal observed as they walked through the sliding glass doors. Cloud only grunted in response, the irony of his mail hub existing in what had previously been a Shinra corporate office not lost on him. But it was more efficient to use what Shinra had left behind than to build anew. Cloud had plenty of bitterness toward Shinra, but he was still rational enough to make smart decisions.

Or let other people smarter than him make those decisions, in any case.

"Welcome, Sir!" the young man working at the reception desk said as they entered, standing straight and rigid as Cloud approached. Angeal came up behind, still slow-going. But Genesis had gotten him into a tasteful navy suit and matching undershirt, so he looked far more presentable than he had earlier that day. He'd also been scheduled to have a full medical eval within the week, which would make it possible to get him a prosthetic. They were going to have a look at his hips and legs as well, if there was any aid to be found in that department.

"I have a meeting with Reeve," Cloud said straight, not bothering with any niceties. Most of the workers in the hub were familiar with his attitude by that point, even if they were still jumpy and skittish whenever he arrived. "Can you let him know we're on our way up?"

"Of course," the young man said with far too much gusto, glancing down at his computer as he did. "It looks like he's in a meeting with the Director at the moment…"

"Never mind." Cloud waved it off. "I'll just head up."

The young man nodded, Cloud already having turned away before he could get in another word. Conscious of keeping his pace slow, for Angeal's sake, he headed around the desk toward the elevator. It was late in the afternoon, the slanting rays of the setting sun casting the entire building in a vaguely orange glow. A glow that was igniting the ocean view beyond the glass elevator that was eventually taking them up.

They stood in silence, Cloud thankful that Angeal continued to stay quiet on the subject of Zack. He'd been a bit paranoid it'd be brought up on their drive over from The Lab, but aside from discussing what Genesis had done to him while he'd been there, they'd said very little.

If Angeal noticed the redness around Cloud's eyes, he gave no indication.

They eventually came to a stop at the top floor, clean marble tiles welcoming them into the naturally lit hallway of the administrative floor. It was late in the day, so there weren't too many people around, but those that _were_ working in the offices to either side of the walkway did all momentarily stop to watch Cloud make his way through.

He wasn't sure when he'd become a person worthy of such attention, but it'd been long enough that he'd grown accustomed to it.

"Is Reeve still in with Tseng?" Cloud asked as he approached the general receptionist's desk, which was laid out in the large open area at the end of the walkway.

"Y—Yes, I believe so," she sputtered, her eyes wide as she stared at him.

Cloud hummed and flicked his attention to the fancy analogue clock hanging from the ceiling behind her. It read nearly three minutes past five, which meant Cloud was technically three minutes late.

"Well, we might as well head in," he decided, talking more to Angeal than he was the receptionist, who made no move to stop him as he headed around her desk and down another brightly lit walkway. "Whatever he and Tseng are still talking about can be continued later." He had places to be, after all.

"Tseng of the Turks?" Angeal asked, not sounding wholly surprised as he already knew Cloud employed at least Reno and Rude—he'd encountered them in Edge.

"He's the Director of Distribution," Cloud explained. "He works just under Reeve."

"Who works just under you."

"Sure."

Angeal chuckled. "You don't sound certain."

They'd reached the large doors at the end of the hall, Cloud turning back to Angeal as they came to a stop before them.

"Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in charge of much of anything," he admitted. "Even though every crucial decision goes through me."

"That's _part_ of being in charge," Angeal replied. "You're supposed to delegate, specifically to people who can do the job better than you can."

"Calls into question what I'm good for at all."

"I get the feeling you're underestimating your position," Angeal said, sounding as if he were half-joking. Mostly because it was blatantly clear to everyone in the world by that point that Cloud _had_ to be good for something, else he wouldn't be where he was. "Your feigned reserve isn't going to work on me—I know there's plenty more going on behind the scenes."

"Can't fool you I guess," Cloud said, his tone drier than the desert.

"It may have taken me a while a figure it out," Angeal reasoned, "But I know how much you two were sneaking around right under my nose, all those years ago. Your front isn't going to work this time—I've learned my lesson."

Cloud almost chuckled. Almost.

The pang in his chest was what stopped him.

"Well, don't go spreading it around."

"And usurp whatever image you're trying to cultivate? Seeing as you're my boss now, I'd rather not."

Humming some in amusement, Cloud finally turned and reached for the door, not even bothering to knock as he pushed his way inside.

He cut right into whatever conversation Reeve and Tseng had been having, the two of them turning in surprise to watch as he walked in. Tseng's expression remained totally blank—to his credit—while Reeve then glanced down at his watch, appearing rather surprised.

"Meeting run over?" Cloud asked, walking in like he owned the place.

Because he did.

"Not exactly," Tseng replied, gesturing flippantly. "We're finished and had moved on to other things."

"Some of which I need to speak to you about," Reeve added, his expression a little too urgent to offer Cloud any kind of reassurance. Best to postpone whatever bad news he had as long as possible.

"Well, before that." Stepping aside, he gestured in Angeal's direction. "General Hewley. I assume all of you have met at one time or another."

Tseng nodded.

"A few times, I believe," Reeve replied, smiling some as he did. "A long time ago, anyway."

"It feels like a lifetime ago," Angeal agreed, Cloud silently admitting that he felt exactly the same.

"Like I said, he's here to be your administrative assistant," Cloud continued. "Since you won't quit bothering me about it."

"I need the help, Cloud," Reeve chastised. "Unlike you, I can't just order around ex-turks or ex-SOLDIERS whenever I need paperwork filed. Not that you'll be doing only paperwork," he added, looking to Angeal, who hardly appear bothered anyway. Given all he'd been through, he'd probably be content doing paperwork all day.

"You could." Cloud motioned to Tseng, who cast him a sour look.

"I don't have the kind of muscle behind me that you do," Reeve replied. "I have to be careful not to put myself in situations where I'm going to be laughed at."

"I'd say you have some muscle now," Tseng interjected, looking Angeal up and down as he did, "only… you're not looking quite as… fit as you used to be."

Angeal's jaw twitched ever so much.

"Don't tell me you two didn't get along back during our Shinra days," Reeve said, leaning against the edge of his desk as he did.

"We got along fine," they both said at the same time, causing Reeve to laugh while Cloud snorted.

"Angeal will be in better shape once Genesis gets all his affairs in order," Cloud added.

"Not that I can't start working now," Angeal said.

"Not to worry, not to worry, I have plenty you can start doing tomorrow," Reeve assured. "Do you have a place to stay yet in the city?"

"I'm heading back over to The Lab after this," he explained. "Genesis said he'd get me set up somewhere in the next few days."

"You and Genesis together again," Tseng observed. "It really is starting to look like Shinra around here."

"Say that again and you're fired," Cloud made perfectly clear, which got him a rare chuckle from Tseng.

"Well, seeing as you've already hired him, I guess an interview isn't necessary." Reeve moved on, once again focusing in on Angeal. "Though I am more than familiar with your competent reputation from your 'previous employer,' so I'm not entirely concerned about the matter." He then flicked his attention to Cloud. "As far as other concerns go…"

Cloud sighed. "What is it?"

"It's not SDS related," Reeve assured, "if that makes you any less grouchy on the matter."

"Probably not."

"You might get to fight some tough monsters?" Reeve offered.

Cloud hummed. That might mean it wasn't too terrible.

"Wait, what?" Tseng cut in. "What monsters? If there are monsters to be fought, then there are plenty of others that could handle it."

"Excuse me?" Cloud asked.

Tseng looked at him like he was stupid. "You're the president of SDS—you shouldn't be doing things that put your life in danger. There are others more disposable."

Cloud almost laughed. "Tseng… really?" Like, did he know him at all?

"Why do I even bother?" he asked, sounding more like he was asking himself.

"This isn't just a regular, run-of-the-mill monster problem," Reeve cut in. "Well, it's potentially not, anyway. It'd be best if it was, though, all things considered."

"Get to the point," Cloud said.

"Remember a few months ago, when we got reports from Nibelheim about strange tremors coming from the sight of the reactor?"

"We sent a team in to investigate," Cloud recalled. "They didn't find anything."

"Well, Vincent sent me a message that the town's people were reporting it happening again. And then Cid sent me a message about something similar going on at Icicle Inn."

Cloud was already getting a headache.

"Obviously, I'm being generous in assuming it's a monster problem, and I wouldn't be all that worried were in not for the northern reports. Icicle Inn is awfully close to the crater."

Sighing, Cloud resituated his weight as he stared down at the floor, one hand going to balance on his hip.

"I'd say we should send in teams to both locations to investigate, but I'm afraid it could be something that would be easily missed by… uneducated eyes."

Tapping his fingers on his hip, Cloud considered.

"We could have Cid and Vincent look into it, respectively," Reeve offered. "They'd know just as well as the rest of us if there was something out of the ordinary going on."

"I'd rather look into it myself first, if it really is related to… well, you know." Cloud gestured vaguely, which had Reeve nodding in understanding.

"Related to what?" Angeal asked, sounding very serious.

"Jenova, Sephiroth, Shinra, the planet, take your pick," Tseng replied, sounding very, very tired as he did. "You said they're reporting tremors?"

"Something like," Reeve replied. "It's hard to know for sure without being present."

"I'll look into it," Cloud decided, despite not really wanting to. But that was pretty much how his life went these days—always getting caught up in things he'd rather leave behind. Things that he knew he'd… never really be able to leave behind, no matter how he tried to lead a "normal" life. "I need to return to Edge to take care of some personal business, but I'll head for Nibelheim after that." And then the crater, which meant he'd better hunt around for his heavy clothes.

"You're going alone?" Tseng asked, not sounding at all happy. Not that he really ever sounded happy anyway.

"No, I'll have Cid or Elena fly me into the crater." It'd be a lot faster than hiking in himself. He could take one of his chocobos, he supposed, but if he was going to run into a mess, he'd rather they not be in the line of fire.

"Where you'll go in alone," Tseng established.

Cloud cast him a flat look. "Yes."

Huffing, Tseng turned away, pretending to put his attention on the window.

"I'll be with him, don't worry," Reeve cut in. "Not physically, but I'd like to see what's going on too, if it's all the same to you."

Cloud nodded, not at all bothered by the idea of having Cait Sith along. Reeve oftentimes came to conclusions a lot faster than he did, even if he was the first one to find the clues.

"What do you think you'll find?" Angeal asked.

"Who knows." Cloud shrugged. "Probably nothing. Or something." He could never tell.

"Strange things are always bound to happen once Cloud gets involved," Reeve said, not at all joking despite the lightness of his tone.

Angeal cocked a skeptical eyebrow. "Is that your reputation these days?"

"Apparently," Cloud practically growled, before releasing a heavy sigh. "Speaking of strange things…" He really didn't want to bring it up, but Reeve and Tseng were honestly the smartest people he knew, aside from Genesis, maybe. If there was anyone he thought might know something, it was one of them. And if they didn't, they might at least know how to go about finding out. "What do you two think of this?"

His change in subject had Tseng turning back into the conversation, both of them coming closer as Cloud removed his glove and held up his arm. The way their eyes widened was not the least bit reassuring.

"That's never been there before," Reeve murmured, while Tseng actually reached out and took hold of his arm, turning it so the soulmark more clearly caught the light of the room.

Limping closer, Angeal also peered in to get a peek.

"When did this appear?" Tseng asked, immediately deducing some of what had happened no matter how unbelievable it was. He then ran his thumb along the new mark, not caring at all for normal personal boundaries as far as discretion concerning such things.

"Some three or four days ago," Cloud replied. "It was very painful when it happened. It just… showed up out of nowhere."

"That is… very strange…" Reeve said thoughtfully, while Tseng finally dropped his arm and took a step back.

"Is that a new soulmark?" Angeal asked, sounding about as defensive on the subject as Cloud personally felt.

"Apparently," he said darkly. "One that I would like to get rid of, if at all possible."

"It's… really hard to even try and come to any conclusions, Cloud," Reeve started. "Given everything you've been through and your physical makeup…"

Not what he wanted to hear.

"You should have asked Genesis about it when you were at The Lab," Tseng pointed out.

Cloud did his loftier version of a pout, which was just to frown and look to the side. "I thought I'd get some other opinions before I subjected myself to his poking and prodding."

"I really… don't have any idea, Cloud," Reeve admitted helplessly. "Other than to say that, if this had to happen to anyone, I'm not surprised it was you."

"Thanks."

"It doesn't make any sense," Tseng started. "Soulmark theory is that soulmates are one soul that is broken up before it leaves the lifestream. It's why people already possess their soulmarks before their soulmates are even born, because that 'being' already exists within the lifestream. Unless…"

"What?" Cloud asked darkly.

"Unless the half of your soul that belonged to your soulmate has already been re-cycled through the lifestream and reborn."

Which was not the farfetched theory Cloud wanted to hold the most credence. The very idea of it was incredibly upsetting, compounding the headache he already had.

"But I've never heard of that happening before," Reeve pointed out. "Soulmate theory also suggests that it takes hundreds of years for a soul to be re-cycled through the lifestream. Don't soulmates ultimately converge after all parties pass anyway? I was under the impression that a soul couldn't be split again and reborn until all its parts had come together after death."

"It's all conjecture," Tseng reasoned. "Nobody really knows for sure."

Conjecture or not, it was making Cloud miserable.

"You really should talk to Genesis about it," Tseng said seriously. "Maybe it's something else entirely—something to do with Jenova, even. It wouldn't do you any favors to assume."

"I agree," Reeve seconded. "Frankly, I find anything strange happening to you to be incredibly suspicious. Whatever it is, it needs to be figured out as soon as possible." As if his new soulmark was a sign of something much worse. Not that Cloud could really blame Reeve for thinking that way. If felt more like an infection to Cloud than anything promising. An infection he was hoping could be gotten rid of.

"I'll talk to Genesis about it," he conceded, despite really not wanting to. "After I get back from the crater."

"Shouldn't you do it _before_ you go to the crater?" Reeve asked.

"Why?"

Reeve held his hands out in a meaningful manner, as if Cloud should obviously know the answer. "Uh, because we're getting reports of strange activity in places that are, now that I think about it, linked to you on a personal level, and now this has appeared on your arm. Do you not see how these things could potentially correlate?"

Sighing, Cloud closed his eyes. "Why is this my life?" he muttered.

"Do weird things happen and you all just assume he has something to do with it?" Angeal asked, clearly referring to Cloud.

"Not always, but if peculiar stuff starts happening to him while also happening elsewhere, it's usually a pretty safe assumption," Tseng replied.

"Huh…" Angeal clearly didn't know what to say to that.

"Talk to Genesis before you go to the crater," Reeve decided for him.

"And keep your cell phone on you," Tseng added lastly. "Please."

"I'll think about it," he said simply, never really knowing how to feel about Tseng's passive-aggressive attempts at protecting him. Mostly because he couldn't tell if he was just doing a job he felt was his responsibility or because he _actually_ cared.

"I'm starting to get the impression there's a lot to be said for the places you've been," Angeal decided, looking somewhat sympathetic.

All Cloud could do was sigh. "You have no idea."

_9 Years Ago_

Zack was awake the moment Cloud stirred beside him. Eyes fluttering open, he watched as Cloud startled and surged forward. He was blinking blearily, his phone sitting in his lap like he'd dropped it.

"Shit," he whispered, rubbing his right eye as he fumbled for his phone. "Shit, shit," he continued to swear, apparently no good news coming from what he found on his screen.

"What?" Zack asked, his eyes barely open.

"I fell asleep," he muttered. "It's 12:40."

Ah, past curfew.

"Just stay here," Zack muttered. "It's not a big deal."

"I'm technically not allowed to be here anymore. I was supposed to drop my keycard back off at the registration desk."

"Nothing to do about it now," Zack said, fighting a yawn as he did. "We'll deal with it tomorrow. Well, today. Later. Whatever."

"We?"

"Sure. I'll call somebody. Or something."

Cloud made a noise somewhere between a sigh and growl.

"Don't worry about it," Zack continued. "Just sleep here."

Yet, Cloud remained upright and unhappy, Zack watching him as he stared across the apartment, clearly thinking about something he wasn't willing to share with the class. Which was kind of cute—the annoyed little look on his face.

But when he pulled his legs down over the side of the bed, Zack felt his heart shoot up into his throat. Reaching out, he grabbed the back of Cloud's sweatshirt just as he was about to stand.

"Where you going?" he asked suspiciously.

"The bathroom," Cloud replied, sounding rightfully irritated as he swatted Zack's hand away.

Supposing that was acceptable, Zack tucked his hand back against his chest and watched as Cloud got up and made his way across the apartment. He then waited, blinking slowly against his drowsiness, until Cloud eventually reemerged.

"You have any extra blankets or anything? For the couch?" he asked as he approached the bed again.

"You were just sleeping right here," Zack pointed out, gesturing to the area of the bed beside him.

"By accident…" Cloud muttered.

"So what? You better get used to sleeping in close quarters. You'll practically be sleeping on top of other guys when you get sent out on missions."

"That's not…" Cloud pouted.

Zack didn't offer any other solutions, however, watching Cloud as Cloud watched him. Eventually, a submitting huff left Cloud's lips, which was followed by him fidgeting some as he looked the bed up and down.

"I know you can fall asleep anywhere," Zack pointed out, which earned him a glare. It didn't last long, however, Cloud eventually moving forward to drop down onto the mattress. But he shot up a second later, Zack watching him critically as he moved across the room to the door.

Oh, he was just turning off the light.

The apartment fell to darkness, but Zack's heightened senses allowed him to clearly see Cloud as he made his way back to the bed. Still visibly uncomfortable, he sat back down in the spot he'd been in previously, only turning to look down at Zack once he'd settled more fully into place.

"Your eyes glow in the dark," he said, quite as if he was stating that the sky was blue or that grass was green.

"Yeah," Zack agreed. "Pretty neat, huh?"

"Pretty creepy."

"Don't be rude. Besides, your eyes will do the same thing once you make SOLDIER."

"Yeah, but I don't have to look at my own eyes."

"I'll have to look at them."

Cloud shrugged. "I'll make it look good."

"You'll look creepy."

Likely scoffing at the fact that he'd turned the whole insult around, Cloud flicked him lightly across the forehead, which had Zack snickering to himself. Their joking relaxed Cloud some, however, which led to him sinking down in the bed a few moments later, until his head was resting atop Zack's other pillow.

They lay silently beside one another, until Cloud hummed and yanked his phone out of his pocket. Watching him poke away at the screen, Zack realized he was setting an alarm. He then placed the contraption on the end table, apparently settling the matter of their sleeping arrangements.

Satisfied that Cloud wasn't likely to go anywhere, Zack felt more comfortable closing his eyes. Being as drowsy as he was, it wasn't long till he was drifting off, sleep coming swiftly so long as he could feel Cloud's weight beside him, and hear the way he breathed.

He wasn't acting right, he knew, saying and doing the things he was. But Cloud was there and he was so distracting and Zack liked him so much. It was nice, having him there…

"Zack, gerdoffme," was what he woke up to next. He could tell that he'd been sleeping by the way his heart puttered in his chest, Cloud's hand shoving lightly on his shoulder. Why? Oh, Zack was closer now. Cuddled right up beside him, his nose tucked against Cloud's side.

But he didn't want to move. Cloud was so warm and nice and he smelled good…

He'd just go back to sleep.

"It's hot, Zack," Cloud whined, his words feeble and lethargic. "Too hot in here for this."

But Zack didn't budge, knowing he was too heavy for Cloud to move. He kept his eyes stubbornly closed, breathing in Cloud's heat even as he wiggled around beside him. Eventually, Cloud gave into his fate with a sigh, staying flat on his back with one arm laid out behind, cradling Zack's head.

He was almost back to sleep when Cloud released another growl of discomfort, once again starting to wiggle around.

Zack tried not to be bothered, but couldn't help opening his eyes when Cloud eventually leaned up. He just sat there for some time, rubbing his eyes, before he pulled at the heavy sweatshirt he was wearing and fanned himself with the fabric. He kept sitting like that, looking dazed to Zack's half-open eyes.

Eventually, the discomfort became too much for him. Pulling his arms out of his sweatshirt sleeves, he was soon shoving it up over his torso, before sliding it off his shoulders. It got a little stuck on his head, but eventually popped loose. Dropping it over the side of the bed, his eyes were already closed as he flopped back down, his arm once again lining the back of their pillows.

Happy to have his heat back, Zack crowded in close, noting somewhere in the back of his thoughts that Cloud's bare skin was a bit clammy with sweat. He'd cool down without that sweatshirt, though, so Zack didn't feel too bad about snuggling in. Nuzzling his nose into the side of Cloud's chest—just below his armpit—he then slung his arm over Cloud's stomach and released a contented sigh.

Cloud never objected, which made it easier for Zack to once again drop into sleep.

Not having any windows made it hard to tell the time of day, but they had Cloud's alarm to keep them structured. It started beeping eventually, Zack uncertain how much time had passed since the last time he'd woken up. It was an unpleasant noise, one that had him glaring as he cracked his eyes open. He could just barely see the end table over Cloud's chest, the phone igniting in tandem with the beeping—a jarring contrast to the rest of the darkness.

Cloud, meanwhile, only stirred a bit, releasing a groan that eventually turned into a pathetic whimper. Somehow, Zack had the feeling he wasn't the type to be overly thrilled with having to get up.

Reaching across Cloud's bare chest, Zack fumbled to grab the annoying PHS, eventually getting it in hand. Balancing his arm atop Cloud, he poked away at the screen with his thumb until he was able to disable the alarm. Blessed with silence, he tossed the phone over his shoulder where it landed somewhere on the bed, before he reached out and fumbled around atop the table again.

He knocked his water bottle on the floor, resulting in a loud clunk that had Cloud jumping underneath him, but he eventually found what he was looking for. Retrieving his own phone, he moved until he could prop his chin up on Cloud's chest, clumsily punching in his passcode.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked, sounding like he was barely awake. Zack felt fingers trailing through his hair a second later, which made him smile even as he struggled to navigate his phone. Cloud gently stroking his hair nearly had him short-circuiting, but he persevered, eventually managing to locate the number he was looking for amongst the official contacts only people around his rank would have access too.

Not wanting to move his body from Cloud's, he kept himself propped up on the smaller man's chest even as he awkwardly held his phone to his ear. It rang only once, before someone picked up.

"Division 4," the officer who answered said.

Zack cleared his throat. "This is First Class Zack Fair, ID number 17648D19," he said, sounding very serious. "I'm requiring the support of Infantry Rifleman Cloud Strife of Squad 73-H for the duration of the day. See that a substitute is brought in to fill his position."

"Oh, of—of course, Sir," the officer stammered into the phone. "Do—Do you have his ID number?"

"Do I have his ID number? No, I don't have his ID number. You think I have time to memorize the ID numbers of every infantryman that works under me?"

"N—No, of course not! I'll take care of it, Sir! No problems here, Sir!"

"See to it, then," Zack finished, hanging up before tossing his phone over his shoulder in much the same way he had Cloud's.

Cloud, who was gaping quite stupidly at him.

His hand was still in Zack's hair.

"Are you allowed to do that?" he eventually stammered out.

Zack shrugged. "Sure." He grinned, ignoring the throbbing ache in his wounds in favor of laying his head down on Cloud's chest, his arm once again crossing over the younger boy's thin torso. He wrapped himself more tightly around Cloud this time, however, his hand lining Cloud's side as his leg came up and found a place between Cloud's own.

"So… I'm not working today?" Cloud asked, sounding like he was trying very hard to understand. He was definitely still sleepy.

"You're working," Zack replied. "You're getting paid, anyway."

"But I don't have to get up?"

"Nah."

"Oh… okay." He fell silent afterward, his breathing soon evening out, which told Zack that he must have fallen back asleep. And though he tried, Zack couldn't bring himself to doze off again. He eventually realized it was because the throbbing around his wounds had graduated to his entire body, the room spinning some even in the dark. He was in pain, which made sense because his pills would have worn off hours ago. But getting his pills—which were sitting on the far side of the end table—and his water bottle—which was on the floor—would require disturbing the strange, intimate, warm bubble he'd somehow wormed his way into with Cloud.

Skin to skin, so close, able to hear his heart beating, to feel his chest as it slowly rose and fell, it was worth the pain as far as Zack was concerned. He knew it was wrong—he shouldn't be allowing it, this sort of thing with Cloud. He had a soulmate that was close by on top of the fact that he was in a more powerful position than Cloud by a longshot. But he'd been thinking of Cloud so much lately. More than his soulmate, despite how guilty that made him feel.

He was almost nervous to meet his soulmate now. Naturally, he'd fall for his soulmate right away, because that was fate. But the thought of having to give up his feelings for Cloud was just…

With every day that passed, he grew resentful of the idea. He liked being around Cloud and liked how Cloud made him feel. And how Cloud made him laugh. And how much Cloud cared even though he pretended like he didn't. Maybe if he could just… stay in this isolated little bubble, then none of the rest of it would matter.

They could just… be.

Just for a little while.

"Zack?" A gentle voice was knocking into his head. "Zack, hey, wake up."

He'd been sleeping? Well, maybe not. Maybe he'd just been laying there in the middle of all his throbbing pain, fading in and out.

"Are you alright?" the voice was asking, Zack releasing a shaky breath in response. "You're sweating."

Zack moaned, but didn't bother with any other sort of response. Not until he felt Cloud start to shift beneath him, which pulled another groan of objection from his throat.

"You should have taken your pills when my alarm went off," Cloud reasoned as he sat up. But Zack remained stubbornly in place, refusing to give way even as Cloud wiggled into sitting. "Here, take these—Where's your water bottle? You need windows—I can't see anything. Okay, c'mon, let go of me."

"No." Zack whimpered.

"You need to take your meds, Zack. And not just the pain pills. I saw those other pills on the desk—they're probably for infections or something. C'mon, let me go."

"I don't care."

"Fuck's sake, Zack," he muttered, obviously attempting to be gentle as he tried to pry himself free. Which didn't really work, because Zack was still stronger than most normal people by a considerable margin. "Jeez, let go! You're such a baby!"

Nuzzling into the skin of Cloud's chest, Zack held him even tighter.

"Seriously, Zack, let—let go." He continued to try and pry Zack away, which only inspired Zack to keep holding tighter.

He just wanted Cloud to stay with him a little longer.

He could take the pain a little longer.

"Zack…" Cloud grunted weakly. "Zack, you're hurting me."

Eyes fluttering wide, Zack immediately released him, slammed back into reality faster than his body was really prepared for. He rolled to the side and off of Cloud, moving a bit too fast, which resulted in a painful stretch of his back. He flinched, but forced himself to recover quickly enough to get a look at Cloud.

"Sorry," he muttered through his cringe, trying not to make a big deal of the gasping breath that was struggling against the ache in his chest. He instinctively reached up toward his wound, only the feeling of the bandage beneath his fingertips stopping him from inflicting further pressure.

"It's… fine," Cloud replied quietly.

The bed shifted then, Zack turning to watch as Cloud moved across the room. To the light switch, which he flipped. The room was ignited, Zack blinking against it as his eyes adjusted. Cloud's were too, one of his eyes squished shut as he shielded the other with his hand. None of that stopped him from stumbling across the room, however, to the desk, where he started rummaging through Zack's pile of medical supplies.

His pants, they were so loose by that point that they were sagging dangerously low on his hips. So low that Zack could see the darling little dimples at the base of his spine, between which a dark crease was barely peaking up above his beltline. He shouldn't be staring, Zack knew he shouldn't, but there wasn't anything else in the room quite so interesting.

Everything about Cloud absolutely besotted him, from the way he talked to the way he moved to the way he laughed. Watching him then, as he turned from the desk, Zack was in wonder. He moved closer to the bed now, but paused about halfway to squint down at the pill bottle in his hand. His weight shifted from one leg to the other, a hand landing on his hip as he muttered under his breath. Probably reading the label. His pants had fallen so far that the top half of the "V" of his hips was visible, the faintest of blonde hair crawling up the middle. He was thin, but stringy muscle laced his body. There was a faint indent down the center of his torso, the line hinting at the muscle forming underneath, while the areas under his ribcage were just barely beginning to tone.

His arms were shaped as well. Again, thin, but clearly beginning to layer with muscle. His shoulders were rounded with depth, while his biceps were distinguishable. Especially when they tensed, as he was once again muttering to himself as he tried to uncap the pill bottle that just didn't want to twist correctly.

The spikes of his hair were an even bigger mess than usual, flattened some on the left side, while those on the right were a little more in his face than usual.

He'd literally just rolled out of bed, but Zack was pretty sure he'd never seen anything quite so lovely.

"Finally," Cloud hissed, once the pill bottle popped open.

Zack was smiling to himself, watching as Cloud crouched down and picked up his water bottle, before he sat down on the edge of the bed and started to count out however many pulls Zack needed. He then did the same with the pain pills, before finally shifting closer.

"I mean it," Zack started, even as Cloud was holding out his meds and water bottle. "Sorry, about earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," Cloud reassured. "I'm not worried about it."

"I'd never mean to hurt you," Zack reiterated, which earned him a curious look from Cloud. "This whole thing…" He gestured to his wound. "It's got me all messed up, but I will never do anything that would hurt you. Again. After—After right now."

"You were just squeezing a little hard is all—I'm fine," Cloud replied. "I'm not worried about you hurting me."

"I'm just saying, I know SOLDIERS have kind of a bad rap sometimes, for being violent or a little, you know, off. But I'm not like that. I'm, ya know, sane. I think."

"Zack, you do remember that I want to be a SOLDIER, right? I'm not worried about that stuff."

"I'm just saying because you said once that you were afraid of me at first and—"

"Not that kind of afraid. I've never been worried about you hurting me. Now stop rambling and take your meds." Reaching out, he took Zack's hand and dropped the pills into it, lastly holding out his water bottle.

Staring down at the pills, Zack slumped before ultimately giving in. He knew he needed to take them, but this whole thing was seriously starting to get old. He was tired of feeling like shit, tired of being bedridden, tired of having no self-control. He'd like to actually hang out with Cloud outside of a bed, maybe even help with his training like he'd intended to do. He'd even take being in a classroom over this.

Besides, he had the feeling he was starting to get clingy and desperate, and that was never a good look no matter Cloud's patience with him.

Maybe… maybe it _would_ be better if Cloud left.

But then he'd be alone…

He hated that.

"Zack." He flicked his attention up at the sound of Cloud's voice. "Water?"

Oh, right. He'd already swallowed the pills, but a little water couldn't hurt.

"You're supposed to eat with the smaller ones," the ones that weren't for pain, "so what do you want?"

"Oh, uh, I can get it, probably," Zack decided, beginning to scoot across the bed as he did.

"You literally pulled me out of work to help you," Cloud pointed out, standing with much more efficiency than Zack could hope to. "Just tell me what you want."

Zack still managed to get to the edge of the bed, thankful that he wasn't nearly as dizzy or off-balance as he had been the day before. Then again, there was still time for the drugs to kick in and fuck him up.

He was so over it.

"I don't really care…" he eventually settled on saying, his mood dropping by the second.

"Hey," Cloud started, his tone firm even as he crouched down in front of him. Placing his hands on Zack's knees, he practically forced them into eye contact. "I said I'm here to help you. But it's gonna be a lot more annoying if you're being a dick about it."

It was almost humorous, the gentle way in which Cloud touched him in comparison to his no-nonsense voice. And it helped ease away some of Zack's downed spirits, because there was something comforting in the fact that Cloud knew he was upset, but still wasn't willing to put up with his crap. It made him not want to put up with it either.

"You're right. This whole thing is just… starting to get to me."

"I know." Cloud's tone did turn gentle then. "But you're on the upswing."

"You think?"

Cloud was severely skeptical. "I've been visiting you at the hospital since the beginning. Yes, you're definitely doing better."

"Then can I have pudding for breakfast?"

"No." Standing, Cloud turned away, leaving Zack to bemoan such a cruel response.

Cloud did pause and look back about halfway across the apartment, however, eyeing Zack thoughtfully as he did. Before he inevitably gave in to a sigh. "I bought eggs like you asked. Do you want to teach me how to make an omelet or something?"

Zack perked up immediately. "Yeah!"

"You have to do it from the couch."

"How about the rolling chair?"

Cloud eyed it critically. "Yeah, alright, but you almost tip over even once and you're going to the couch."

"Yes, Sir." Slowly, Zack got to his feet, smiling happily to himself as he hobbled over to his desk chair. He was aware of the way Cloud watched him the whole time, only turning away once he was safely sitting down. Using his legs, he carefully pulled himself across the floor until he was rolling up beside Cloud, who'd placed the skillet on the burner and pulled the egg carton from the fridge.

"Do you _want_ an omelet?" Cloud asked after a heavy second.

"I mean, you picked up all the stuff on my list, right?"

"Everything you had specifically under 'for omelets because they're fuckin' tasty,' yes."

"Then yeah, let's get cookin' good lookin!'"

Cloud huffed, which was exactly the reaction Zack expected. But he did nothing following, instead looking between the skillet and Zack until the continued silence warranted another annoyed huff.

"You gonna tell me what to do or what?" he asked.

"Do you not even know how to start it?"

"All I know about omelets is that eggs are involved. That's it. That's the extent of my knowledge."

Zack stared. "Really?"

"Really."

"That's so sad."

"Are you gonna teach me or do I need to do something more efficient like look it up on the internet?"

"Okay, okay! Jeez! Grab one of the bowls from up there," he pointed to the cabinet above the sink. Cloud was immediately reaching for it, Zack taking a shameful amount of pleasure in watching him do so. "And crack three eggs into it."

"How do I crack an egg?" Cloud asked.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"I told you I don't know how to cook!"

"Cracking eggs is a basic life skill!"

"Well I've never done it, okay?!"

Zack gaped. "How is that possible? How have you never cracked an egg before?"

"I've never needed to."

"What do you mean? How have you survived? What have you been eating all this time?"

"Not eggs!"

"I'm serious!" Zack persisted, laughing a bit as he did.

"It's just something I've never had to do. My mom, she… always made these huge meals like three or four times a week and I'd just eat leftovers when she was at work. I don't know."

"Didn't you ever get curious though? Like, go into the kitchen and just… decide to try something on your own?"

"The kitchen is not what I spent most of my adolescence being curious about," he muttered, which had Zack "ho hoing" suggestively. "That's not what I meant. How old are you, twelve?"

"What _did_ you spend your adolescence being curious about?" he asked, leaning back some as he did.

"Why do you wanna know?"

"Because I wanna know you! Jeez, you act like I'm gonna take the information and blackmail you with it later."

"You might."

"I'd never. _Well_ …"

"Exactly."

"C'mon, tell me!"

"Just normal stuff," Cloud replied, shrugging one shoulder as he did. "Books, video games, I don't know."

"Nothing naughty?" Zack pushed.

"I think you're just wanting my adolescence to somehow be similar to yours." He'd picked an egg up out of the carton and was staring down at it like he was somehow the superior between the two, which might have made sense if Zack didn't feel acutely like maybe he was the egg.

"You act like I should be ashamed or something," Zack rebuked. "I spent plenty of time playing video games and, well, not reading, but I did run around outside a lot. And yeah, I beat the meat a lot too—still do—"

"For fuck's sake."

"—and tried a whole lot of other things I probably shouldn't have, but hey, live and learn."

"You did worse than that."

"What do you mean?"

"You honestly expect me to believe that masturbation is the extent of your adolescent exploration?"

Zack hummed. "To be honest, that was all there really was to do. I was, like, the only kid in my village around my age, so it's not like I had anyone else to experiment bumping uglies with. Nah, I saved all that pent up energy for when I got to Midgar."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "I bet you did."

"You probably did more than me," Zack continued. "I mean it when I say Gongaga is a small village. The only friends I had were the old geezers who used to fish out off the pier, that's how barren it was."

Cloud clicked his tongue. "My experience was about the same," he replied, though there was something… cryptic in his tone.

Zack narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Okay," he said simply, apparently content to leave it at that.

"C'mon, don't be like that."

"I'm not being anything," he reasoned. "You're looking for dirt where there is none."

"I'm not looking for dirt—I'm just looking for the truth." Sort of.

"The truth?" Cloud saw right through him. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned his hip against the counter's edge as he looked down at him. "You're fishing around for dirty stuff, don't even lie."

"Then tell me the dirty stuff," Zack reasoned.

"There's nothing to tell! What do you want to hear, that I 'beat the meat' as often as you probably did? Wow, what a revelation, I went through puberty."

"You didn't run around out back with any girls or sneak out in the middle of the night?"

A question that did cause Cloud some pause, his expression turning thoughtful.

"See?!" Zack defended.

"It's not what you think. It only happened once and we weren't doing anything dirty."

"Boo. Lame." Zack gave him a thumbs down.

"What do you want from me? Sorry I lived in a small town too? The most I ever did was masturbate as quietly as possible and experiment with which cylindrical house-hold objects were safe to shove up my butt."

Zack couldn't help it, he released a wheezing laugh that put far too much pressure on his injuries. Which had him shakily trying to catch his breath afterward, even as he continued laughing. But based on the little smirk pulling at Cloud's lips, sending Zack over the edge had been the entire point of his statement.

Which kind of made the whole thing even better.

"Did you ever find a winner?" he asked, still chuckling a bit as he did.

"Not really. My mom's a nurse so… I was pretty well haunted by the fact that I shouldn't be doing the things I was doing while doing them, and that kind of ruined it."

"Well, there's still time." He almost said that he had a contender to enter into the competition, but caught himself just in time. That would be… too much. Probably. Sure, they were shirtless in his kitchen after having cuddled all night long, but they still weren't… _that_. "You could try that egg," he said instead. "Kind of an unorthodox way to crack it, but, you know, I aint here to judge."

"Ha ha. Fuck you."

"Tap it on the edge of the bowl, by the way," Zack started. "Just until there's a small crack. Then use your fingers."

"My fingers?"

"Here, like this." Taking the egg, Zack did a quick demonstration, which had Cloud nodding in familiar understanding—there was no way he hadn't at least _seen_ someone crack an egg before, after all. He then tried the next one himself. It was clumsy, but he succeeded. The third egg, however, didn't go so well.

"You have to pick all those shell bits out of there," Zack said, pointing down into the bowl as Cloud curled his nose. Zack then snickered as he watched Cloud vainly try to scrape the little pieces out of the egg whites, a task that was always difficult.

"But seriously," Zack continued, ever persistent.

"What?" Cloud asked, still trying to pinch out the egg shells.

"Tell me!"

Cloud looked up. "Tell you _what_?"

"Whatever it is I know you're _not_ telling me," Zack replied.

Cloud scoffed. "How can I know what I'm not telling you if I don't know what you want to know?"

"You're hiding something. You're getting all defensive, I can see it." Cloud had turned a bit away from him, his expression becoming guarded.

"There's nothing to tell…" Cloud muttered, flicking the egg shells he'd retrieved into the sink, before rinsing his fingers.

"Cloud…" Zack said gently, before reaching out and gently tugging on the band of his pants. He stumbled just a step closer as a result, looking all the more uncomfortable as his gaze was intercepted by Zack's own. "What is it?" Zack finished lastly, keeping his slight hold on the edge of Cloud's pants.

It took him a moment, but Cloud did eventually release a yielding sigh. "It's what I said—there's nothing to tell. I didn't have any friends back home so… I just… was on my own." He shrugged, as if trying to force whatever he was feeling to roll off his back.

"I told you, I didn't really have friends either," Zack pointed out.

"That's different," he muttered. "You said it yourself that you were the only one there. I was…"

Rolling his chair forward a few inches, Zack allowed his knee to just barely bump into Cloud's leg, keeping hold of his pants the whole time.

He didn't miss the sadness that dashed across Cloud's expression.

"I just… didn't… get along with anyone back home," he said quietly. "I tried, at first, but they all thought I was weird, or something. So I just gave up after a while."

"Why would they think you were weird?"

"I don't know!" he snapped, leaning away as he did, which had Zack frowning. "It was always like that. I wanted to be part of their group, but they never let me in. They just… pretended I wasn't there half the time." He shook his head. "It's stupid. They're stupid. I don't care."

Zack could tell that he obviously did, but he also wasn't entirely sure what to say. True, he hadn't had other kids his age growing up, but he'd never been lonely or left out to dry. He'd had older friends, or at least a village full of older people looking out for him. He'd also had both his parents, and even his grandparents while they'd been around.

But Cloud… He had his mom, by the sounds of it, yet…

"I'd have been your friend," Zack eventually settled for saying. His claim appeared to surprise Cloud, before something like doubtful fondness settled into place. Reaching out, he ran his fingers lightly through Zack's hair.

"You're sweet," he said, smiling in a small way before he turned his attention back to the eggs.

Deciding there was no reason to push the subject further—Cloud obviously didn't want to think about it—Zack allowed his touch to fall away in favor of lightening the mood. He focused on teaching Cloud the art of omelets instead, the two of them falling into a casual back and forth as Cloud clumsily started to put all the ingredients together. Eventually, all that was left to do was watch it cook. And while Cloud stared down at the skillet, Zack stared at Cloud.

He could feel it, the drugs slowing down his system. The pain in his chest and back was numb, which meant his own inhibitions would soon start dropping off the edge. It wasn't good, but there also wasn't anything to do about it either, except hope that maybe he got through the experience without completely embarrassing himself.

Yet, with Cloud standing there, still in those low-hanging pants and no shirt, and so, so serious as he stared down at the skillet, well, Zack wasn't sure how much of a chance he really had. It didn't help that the structure his underwear would have provided was gone as well, the outline of Cloud's body lining gracefully against the sagging fabric.

There was something so… sensual in how he stood there. Personal and intimate, Zack warming at the thought that he was probably the first person to see Cloud like this. Just… existing, his guard down, his focus so unwavering despite how trivial the cooking of an omelet was in comparison to everything else going on in the world.

But maybe that was why it was so enrapturing. It was the small things, wasn't it? That mattered in the end? Sure, Zack was upset about how Shinra was handling what could potentially become a crisis, and there were a lot of big things he should be thinking about. But instead, he just watched Cloud, the sizzling of the eggs a quaint soundtrack to a scene Zack considered particularly arresting.

It made his breath catch, his whole chest constricting with heat. Heat that slowly began to spiral down into the base of his stomach, gradually building like the rising temperature of boiling water.

He was dizzy with it all—dizzy with the idea of Cloud, that was.

"This is done now, right?" Cloud asked, picking up one side of the omelet with a spatula and checking the bottom. He'd already folded it as Zack had directed, though it was uneven, growing large on one end. Still, that didn't make it any less edible.

Apparently not needing Zack's verification despite his question, he lifted the omelet from the skillet and slid it carefully onto a nearby plate, before he finally turned his attention Zack's way. "…What?"

"Hm?"

"You're staring at me."

"Yeah…"

Cloud pursed his lips, sitting one hand on his hip while his cheeks pinked ever so slightly. Which made Zack grin.

"Well, what is it?" he asked, sounding moderately suspicious.

Zack knew he shouldn't say it, the words on the tip of his tongue. A voice in the back of his head was begging him not to, but there was a whole lot of drugged-up fog muffling those warnings, which meant his tongue was liable to run wild.

"You're just…" He leaned back even further, making an obvious show of eyeing Cloud up and down. "You look so damn sexy right now."

Cloud's eye immediately went wide, his body flushing red from the neck up. Which only tugged further at Zack's lazy smile, the heat in his stomach plummeting dangerously low.

"You can't—I'm not—You—" Cloud struggled to find his words. "You're only saying that because your pain killers are kicking in." He finished his reasoning with an eye roll, as if the truth of his words somehow disregarded the validity of Zack's.

"Maybe," Zack agreed. "Doesn't mean it isn't true."

Cloud huffed. "That's exactly what it means."

Logic that left Zack perplexed. "No it doesn't. I mean, I know what I'm saying I shouldn't be saying, and that if I wasn't, well, you know, I wouldn't be saying it at all. But that doesn't mean I'm not still thinking it every time I look at you."

Cloud eyed him uncertainly.

"Because I really should keep it to myself," he continued. "But you're just so…" his eyes very slowly travelled up Cloud's body, "hard to resist."

He heard the way Cloud's breath trembled, before he released a weak scoff of doubt. "You're so full of shit," he muttered.

"I'm not."

"I'm just standing here wearing your old sweatpants," Cloud said shortly. "There's nothing worth mooning over."

Zack laughed shortly. "You really have no idea."

For a second, he thought Cloud would just shrug and leave it be. Decide it was all "fine" like he'd said so many times before. But after he moved the skillet from the burner, he paused, biting his lower lip before shyly flitting his gaze back to Zack.

"Idea… about what?" he asked, his voice ever so quiet.

A heavy throb plunged down between Zack's legs. So heavy it _ached_.

"You have no idea… the things I imagine…" Zack replied, his voice paper thin. "Imagine about you."

"What do you imagine?" Cloud asked, sounding almost afraid as he did. "What are you imagining… right now?"

Yet again, Zack's eyes trailed down Cloud's body. "I'm imagining what it'd be like, to see you standing there… without those sweatpants on."

It'd be so easy to remove them, to simply get them out of the way. He could reach out that very second and tug them right off Cloud's hips. He wouldn't, because even drugged up, he had some semblance of right and wrong. But that didn't stop his thoughts from wandering, or his words from prattling.

Cloud, meanwhile, just stood there, visibly swallowing as his skin once again took on a redder tint. But there was something else in his expression—something curious and, behind that, daring. Daring that gradually started to leak forward, reminding Zack of the time they'd fallen to childish taunts in his hospital room. It was like a sense of competitiveness that was laced in danger.

It was relatable, because Zack was feeling it too.

He said nothing, just stared, while Cloud flexed his hands with nerves. Before he twitchingly brought them up to his hips, his fingers curling into the fabric of his sweatpants while his thumbs slipped down behind the waistband. His whole body tensed as he released a trembling breath, Zack able to see the way the fabric between his legs just barely curved forward.

The sight had Zack's own blood pumping into overdrive, his body beginning to heat up all over, hottest at the base of his stomach. He was lightheaded with it all, every inch of his skin crawling with butterflies. There was a growing bulge between his own legs, he knew, one he didn't even bother trying to hide.

What was the point, if Cloud was really… was really going to so, _so_ slowly inch those sweatpants down from his hips? Was he imagining it? Was he delusional now too? Or was Cloud really starting to tow them downward?

Was he really…?

Were they—

"Zack?!" The harsh knocking on his door was so startling that a wave of nausea flooded through Zack the moment it happened, nearly toppling him over in the process. His stomach shoved his heart into his throat, every nerve dashing sideways into what felt like the equivalent of icy water.

Cloud, meanwhile, jumped, eyes wide and skin pale as his focus shot to the door.

"I'm coming in," Angeal said a second later, which had Zack gesturing weakly to Cloud.

"Bathroom," he managed to hiss out. "Go in the bathroom."

Still on edge, Cloud quickly dashed back and into the shadows of the other room, just as Zack's front door was being pushed open.

Clumsily crossing his ankle over his knee, Zack hoped his position would hide anything going on between his legs. Not that he really needed to worry too much. The room was spinning so severely now that any and all arousal was turning acutely into queasiness.

There'd been too much heat—too much for him to handle at the moment.

"I thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing before I got busy," Angeal said as he entered, though the way he slowly looked around the room was not lost on Zack.

"Oh, uh…" Zack managed a shrug. "I'm okay." He tried to play everything as casually as he could, even as he felt all his energy draining away. He was like a balloon that had been jabbed and now he was very quickly deflating, leaving him weak and worn-out.

"I'm glad to see you're up and around," Angeal said, even as his critical gaze zeroed in on the bathroom.

"Oh, yeah. Been makin' food." Zack gestured his thumb to the omelet sitting on the plate behind him. "Can't get my strength back if I don't eat right…" Wow, what a lame thing to say.

"I'd imagine not." Angeal finally looked directly at him. "Strife got you your groceries then, hm?"

"Yup! Thanks for, uh, gettin' him permission to come up here, since I, you know, didn't know how…"

"Of course," Angeal said flatly. "After all, it's not like you'd flagrantly abuse those kinds of benefits, especially if you're going through me first."

Zack ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Haha, yeah, of course not."

A response that had Angeal rolling his eyes. "You can come out now, Strife," he said a second later, Zack cringing.

It took a few moments, but Cloud did eventually emerge from the bathroom. He wasn't, thankfully, as compromised as Zack had feared he'd be. Clearly one to think on his feet, he'd changed back into his own clothes at a lightning-fast pace, thus he was standing in the doorway looking far more presentable than he would have otherwise.

Zack frowned at the sight anyway.

He stood rigid, offering Angeal a salute after an awkward few seconds of silence.

"Sir…" he muttered out.

Angeal crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, before turning his attention back to Zack.

"You do remember that for every official order you issue, I get a notification in my email, right?" Angeal replied.

"Well, yeah." Zack shrugged. "But I didn't think you actually bothered to read them."

"I read all _your_ notifications," he replied strictly.

Zack pooched his lips in a pout.

"Look, I get that you guys are in… special circumstances," Angeal started. "But that just means you need to be even _more_ disciplined."

Because they were friends? Zack supposed that made sense…

"You can't keep giving him special privileges, specifically privileges that threaten Shinra security. Taking him off duty to hang out with you is an extreme abuse of power."

"But I really did need his help…" Zack defended weakly.

Angeal took a deep breath in through his nose. "You didn't need him all night."

The implications behind his words were not missed on either of them, Cloud's cheeks going red while Zack scoffed.

"It's not like that," he replied easily, despite what had been going on just prior to Angeal's intrusion. But that was _very_ new and Zack still had to sit and think on it. "He snoozed past curfew so I let him stay, that's all."

"Which means his registration card—that _I_ validated—is now past due. On top of the fact that you called him off unexpectedly. Nobody likes having to fill shifts unnecessarily."

"I told you, I needed his help."

"You're a First Class, Zack. A nurse would have been assigned to you if you hadn't refused it."

A fact that snapped Cloud's startled gaze his way.

"I didn't think I'd need help… at first." He offered Cloud an innocent shrug, which earned him an exasperated look.

"That's not the point." Angeal waved off his defense. "This is becoming a pattern with you two. One that needs to be set straight before you two decide to run even further with it."

"Angeal, c'mon…" Zack whined. "I'm really not doing it on purpose."

"It doesn't matter, Zack." He turned his attention to Cloud. "Where's your guest registration card?"

Wide-eyed, Cloud could only stare for a few seconds, before he fumbled with his pockets, eventually producing the overdo card. Moving forward, he quickly handed it over to Angeal, who then tucked it into his own pocket.

"You're to return to your post, Strife, and relieve your own substitute," he issued. "Immediately."

Cloud blinked stupidly for only a second, before once again going rigid with a salute. "Yes, Sir!" he said, before scurrying around Angeal to where his shoes were sitting just beside the door. He hastily slipped them on, turning to cast Zack only a fleeting look before he was reaching for the door.

"He can't use the elevator without that guest pass," Zack quickly pointed out, only feeling a little bad that he was covering up the fact that Cloud still had his personal keycard.

His statement had Cloud faltering in the doorway, but only for a second.

"He can take the stairs," Angeal issued. Which was true—the doors to the upper levels were only locked from the outside, which meant he could get out. He just couldn't get back in.

Zack's gaze darkened nonetheless. "You told him not to do that."

"His three harassers are currently on duty," Angeal replied. "As he should be."

Taking that as the final word, Cloud finally headed out, Zack's mood dropping even further as his door clicked behind him.

"I did kind of need his help, Angeal," he said.

"The nurse you previously refused will be up at regular intervals to check on you," he replied easily enough. "You're a First in Shinra HQ—the healthcare you're provided by the company far exceeds what an infantryman could provide."

Sulking, Zack crossed his arms over his chest and sank down in his seat.

"You can't keep doing this, Zack," he said strictly.

"I'm not doing anything!" he rebuked. "It happened like I said. Cloud brought me my groceries and was going to leave before curfew. But he accidentally fell asleep and so I let him stay."

"And then you monopolized his time under false pretenses."

"They're not false—I needed him here."

"Zack…"

Growling, he turned away.

"Look, I understand that this… That you want to spend as much time with him as possible." A statement that surprised Zack—had he really been so transparent about his feelings that even Angeal had noticed? Then again, Angeal did know him better than anyone. "But he has a career to think about, as do you. Eventually, someone is going to notice your favoritism, and Strife has a hard enough time fitting in as it is."

"It won't matter once he makes SOLDIER."

"It will. He'll be a third, which is still well below you."

Zack frowned.

"Look, I'm not saying you two can't be… close, but that doesn't mean you can throw discipline out the window. You're a First Class SOLDIER, Zack. I thought you knew what that stood for."

"I do, okay?! This whole situation has just been really shitty and it's been nice having Cloud around. You know… You know I hate being alone and cooped up."

Angeal's countenance softened some. "I know. And so long as you follow the rules, then he can come see you as often as you like. But you need to follow the rules, Zack. No pulling him out of work, no sleeping here. It doesn't matter to me what you two are doing so long as you stick to that. You have to remember, Zack, that your behavior reflects back on me as well. And I can't have any of my subordinates—no matter how close I am with them—disregarding Shinra regulations."

Reasoning that Zack couldn't very well argue with.

"I don't want to have this discussion with you again, is that understood?"

"…Yes, Sir."

Angeal huffed. "Good." There was a long pause following, Zack trying his best not to look like a petulant child despite how downed this development had him feeling. He'd been looking forward to spending all day with Cloud, but now he had no idea when he'd see him next.

"We have a meeting tomorrow, by the way," Angeal eventually said. "You, me, Sephiroth, and Genesis."

This did pique Zack's curiosity, as well as stir up a wave of anxiety. "Did you guys get the incident report?"

"No, not yet."

He slumped in relief, before promptly being assaulted by guilt. Had he really gotten to the point where he was actively wanting to avoid his soulmate?

Did he… Did he really like Cloud that much?

What did that even mean?

"We'll discuss everything tomorrow. Tap in on my network at nine. And please, wear a shirt."

"Alright."

There was still some tension between them as Angeal left—not that either of them expected any different—which left a stale sort of silence once Zack was alone. Totally alone, because Cloud had been booted despite all the work he'd done to keep him there. He was half-tempted to roll across the room and grab his phone, just so he could text Cloud. But the anxiety still lurching around in his gut stopped him.

What was he even doing?

Turning his arm over, he stared down at the black letters that had guided so many of his actions over the years. Finding his soulmate had always been his top priority. Even when he'd been with Aerith, there'd been this unspoken understanding between them that while their feelings were real and good and wonderful, they wouldn't last. She'd had her own soulmate drama, leaving Zack content to be her distraction for a little while. And he'd never hid the fact that he was wholly dedicated to whoever it was still waiting for him.

Was Cloud different from that? It was hard to say because there'd never been any discussion on the matter. Even then, Zack was debating whether Cloud had actually been returning his attractions or if he'd imagined it. Truth be told, he _was_ getting better at reading Cloud's moods, but it was still difficult to pin down exactly what was going on in his head. Still, they'd talked about soulmates often enough—argued about it even—that Cloud had to know here Zack stood on the issue.

Or where he thought he stood.

Where he'd been standing before he'd started questioning everything. What would he do if his soulmate just… showed up at his door? The easy answer was that he'd fall in love and all his feelings for Cloud would go away. But where did that leave Cloud if he _did_ return Zack's feelings (a thought that had Zack heating up again)? It meant Cloud was rejected by default. But since he knew where Zack stood on the subject of soulmates, then he had to know that was coming.

Right?

Then again, Cloud had expressed disbelief in the idea of soulmates. So if he really felt that way _and_ he had feelings for Zack, would he be hurt all the more when Zack inevitably left him?

And why was that thought so bothersome? Cloud should know that would eventually be the outcome even if he's not in agreement about soulmates, if only because he knows Zack feels differently. But, even so, the idea of hurting Cloud no matter the case left Zack feeling hollow and… scared.

He didn't want to hurt Cloud. He wanted to hold Cloud, and touch him, and talk to him, and just… be around him all the time. But hurting him—whether both of them knew it was coming or not—was inescapable.

Zack hated it. The mere idea had his insides crawling with disgust. If he was smart, he'd stop making moves on Cloud. In fact, he'd stop texting him, speaking to him, even seeing him. He'd stop his own feelings before it was too late.

Yet, even as he thought as much, he knew it was already too late. He was in too deep and he didn't have the self-control necessary to stay away from Cloud. Especially if Cloud maybe returned his feelings. There were so many reasons for him to take a step back—his own soulmate, his rank above Cloud's own, the complications that could arise—but none of that compared to the over-arching desire and longing at the very thought of Cloud.

Even after being scolded by Angeal, he was entertaining all the ways he could get Cloud back up to see him more often, be it within the realm of the rules or not. After all, what Angeal didn't know couldn't hurt any of them, right? So long as Cloud used the original keycard Zack had given him, then no one would ever know how often he was there. Sure, it was breaking the rules even worse than they already had, but Zack just…

He didn't care.

He wanted Cloud. He wanted Cloud _so badly_.

And if Cloud wanted him…

It wasn't even a physical thing—well, not totally. Sure, he found Cloud extremely attractive and wanted more than anything to make him feel good. Both of them, for that matter. He wanted to run his hands all up and down Cloud's body and explore every noise he was capable of making and kiss every single part of him.

But he also knew that was unlikely to happen, which meant he had to be content with Cloud's friendship. He was, really. He'd take anything Cloud would give him at the end of the day. Most of his passes at Cloud had thus far been brushed off, but if Cloud flat out said he didn't like the attention, then, even full of drugs, Zack would shut his mouth. It was because Cloud had never expressed distaste that his lowered inhibitions decided it was a good idea to keep poking the subject. Which had now resulted in a situation intimate enough to actually give Zack hope. Hope that maybe Cloud _did_ want him.

But that was bad. It was all bad, bad, bad.

Right?

Groaning, Zack reached up and vainly rubbed at his temples.

What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters so far, for so many reasons, lol. 
> 
> Poor present Cloud--he is so tired. And he doesn't even know the half of it, really. And all his friends explaining to him that he's the main character so he should be careful, lol. 
> 
> The past is HEATING UP! Until Angeal walked in, anyway. The rating is going up to explicit, just so y'all know. I realize I had said in some chats previously that I wasn't going to go that route with this story, or that if I did, it would be light, BUT a lot of what I had planned for this story has changed. So... hopefully nobody minds, lol. 
> 
> Ah, these boys are such a mess. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--for more of my dumbassery.


	15. Chapter 15

_Present Day_

The moment Zack arrived in Nibelheim, he found himself asking why he'd thought this was a good place to start. Just the sight of it had his stomach dropping to his feet, an anxious sort of paranoia settling inside his bones. The town itself was quiet. Bigger too, more houses in the style of the "original" branching further out from the mountains. But that terrible mansion still loomed behind it all, looking just as decrepit and abandoned as it had the last time he'd seen it. Only there was something ironically dark in the fact that he was heading toward it instead of away.

Vincent pulled the van through the center of town, to where the well rose up in the square. He then circled it nearly all the way around, before pulling up beside the inn.

"I have to go register my deliveries," he said, tone ever flat. "I'll be leaving again in three or four hours." He didn't need to expand any further—Zack got the message. He either had to get his business done within that time or find his own way out of town.

Nodding once in Vincent's direction, he pushed his way out of the van as Vincent did the same on the other side. Retrieving his sword, he slotted it into place on his back before throwing his bag over his shoulder. He was running low on food, so he'd have to pick up something soon, but before that…

Behind him, Vincent was hauling some boxes into the inn, while Zack trailed away. Across the town square, past a few village kids playing around the well. He paused to watch them only quickly, frowning as he did.

Had Cloud done that when he was a child? He'd mentioned it before, the well and Tifa and the other kids that hadn't been all that kind to him. Then again, this wasn't the same Nibelheim Cloud had grown up in, so maybe it didn't matter. It looked the same—as much as it could, anyway—but no matter, it was new. He didn't want to call it a copy. Maybe once that had been the case, but the people living there currently had made it their own—even if Zack had memories of Tifa's father coming out the door across the way, and of Cloud's mother welcoming him into her home.

But none of it was the same. The only thing that remained, in fact, was the mansion, a sight that once again pulled his attention as he turned from the children. It loomed up behind the town, dark and ominous and chilling. It was obvious by how the town had expanded that people were actively avoiding it, apparently deciding it was better to stay away than just… tear it down.

Zack found that he hated it.

Leaving the town behind, he headed up the shallow path leading to the metal gate. It was closed—chained and locked, in fact, with a sign attached that said—

**DANGER**

**CONDEMNED**

**FAULTY FOUNDATION**

So it was falling apart, was it? Then again, for all Zack knew, that sign could have been up the last time he'd been there. It didn't exactly look new and he'd wouldn't have bothered to pay any attention way back when. He'd been too distracted with everything else going on the first time he'd ever visited—with Cloud and his childhood, and the reactor, and then… Sephiroth. And when he'd been fleeing the place, he wouldn't have paid any mind to the idea of danger.

His whole life had been steeped in danger back then.

"Hey! Mister!"

Turning from the mansion, Zack looked over his shoulder to see that two of the kids he'd previously seen playing around the well had taken notice of him. They'd approached some, but were still staying a fair distance away.

"That place is dangerous," one of them said. "You can't go in there."

The other one nodded along, looking very serious.

"Is it?" he asked, feigning surprise as he spared them a smile. "It looks plenty safe to me."

"No, it's not!" the first one said, sounding very strict as she did. "The floors are full of holes, and the lights don't work. And there's ghosts!"

"Ghosts?" Zack laughed. "Monsters maybe, but not real ghosts."

"Yes huh!" The little girl stomped her foot, while her companion continued nodding. "That place is evil!"

"Well…" Zack turned back to the mansion. "I can't disagree with you there…"

"My mommy says it's a super bad place," she continued, Zack once again looking back. "She says that a very bad man used to live there and that he used to kidnap the people who lived here and turn them into zombies. And the mayor, I heard him say once, that he bets the spirits of those people are still there. And that they'll get us if we go in!"

An interesting take on the truth of the matter.

"Well, she's not wrong…" Zack muttered. "Don't worry," he said a second later, loud enough for the kids to hear. "I'm not going in." He'd thought about it, but he wasn't sure he could… deal with that.

More than four years he'd spent as a prisoner in that place. Four years of in and out awareness, of cold, cramped space and too much water. So much water that just thinking about it left his ears flooded with noise. So constant, and so, so loud.

"What are you two doing?" It was a man that was yelling, Zack turning to see that someone had approached from one of the houses. He was clearly speaking to the two that had addressed Zack, probably because they'd trailed a bit too close to the mansion.

"Sorry, it was my fault," Zack cut in and jogged back down the path. "I was looking at the old mansion and they were trying to warn me about it." He didn't want to get them into any trouble, after all.

The man, to his credit, appeared a bit doubtful as Zack approached, but not wary enough to warrant Zack being overly cautious.

"You're not from around here," he said, once Zack was close enough that the man could get a good look at him.

"Ah, no, I rode in with the mailman."

It was a claim that immediately dissolved the man's suspicion, his person clearing of all defensiveness as he straightened.

"SDS send you to investigate the tremors?" he asked.

"Oh, ah, no, not me," Zack clarified quickly. "I don't work for SDS, I just caught a ride."

"Oh," the man said flatly, some of his suspicion returning. "What are you doing here, then?"

Zack blinked, trying to come up with something other than "none of your business" to say in response. Then again, he was going to have to ask questions if he wanted to find anything. He didn't want to draw too much attention to himself, but he had to start somewhere. "I'm actually here looking for someone. Is there a hospital in town?"

The man hummed. "We got a small hospital on the other side, in the new district. But who're you looking for? I'm the mayor, you know, so I know everybody that comes in and out." He crossed his arms in a very self-important manner, which Zack tried not to find too entirely humorous. The guy was about as skinny as a rail—he could probably push him over with one finger.

Still, he wasn't likely to find a better source.

"I'm just looking for an old friend. About this tall," he held up his hand, "spiky blonde hair, mako eyes. He might—He might be suffering from really bad mako poisoning, if he's in the hospital. May even be comatose."

"Hmm…" The man frowned. "Can't help ya, I'm afraid. No one like that around here. And I'd know if someone come into town with mako poisoning. Anyone with that kind of problem goes to Healen."

"Healen?" Zack's curiosity was piqued. "What's that?"

"Specialized facility on the other continent. They used to deal with geostigma cases, but since that's been dealt with, they mostly work with people still suffering at the hands of Shinra and their nasty mako tech."

Zack blinked stupidly. "Geostigma? What's that?"

The mayor's eyes narrowed with even more suspicion. "You pullin' my leg?"

"Oh, ah, no, no, never mind." Another thing he needed to educate himself on, apparently. But if he continued to ask questions, he was going to have to explain why he didn't already have answers, which might draw unwelcome attention. The last thing he wanted was someone to overhear too much and start looking into his business.

Thankfully, their conversation was interrupted before any potentially probing questions could be asked. Looking quickly down at his feet, Zack was startled by the feeling of the ground shaking. Not as terrible as an earthquake, but still noticeable. Like a continuous rumble of thunder was rolling in from behind the mountain.

The children noticed it as well, releasing squeals of terror as they scurried back to their homes. While the mayor stumbled just a bit, before turning to face the mountain.

"What is this?" Zack asked.

"That's the tremors I mentioned," he explained, before pointing a finger up at the mountains. "They get stronger the closer ya get to Nibel. Keep coming off and on. We tried to see for ourselves what it is, but there's too many monsters for us to deal with." He turned back to Zack. "That's why I thought you were from SDS. They're supposed to be sending someone to look into it."

"The mail people?" Zack asked. "What are they gonna do?"

"Boy, where you been? You just roll out from under a rock or something?"

Apparently he'd asked another dumb question.

Sighing, he gave in. Just a little. "You could say that?"

An explanation that did not impress the mayor any. But he did release a resigned sigh, which was probably better than nothing. "SDS employs all kinds of ex-military types."

Oh right, he knew that.

"They got the manpower to deal with monsters and such too. 'Sides, the big boss aint too keen on the reactors. This is the kind of thing he'd want to know about—you know, ground shaking, planet kind of stuff. I heard about Mideel, after all. I don't want that to happen to my town."

"Right…" Zack agreed vaguely. "So SDS will just… bring in some soldiers and investigate?"

"Sure will."

Zack frowned. "Sounds like Shinra."

"Hey, now! You watch your mouth!" the mayor chastised fiercely. "SDS aint Shinra. They work with WAE—they really care about the people, you know? They don't even charge for this kind of thing—stuff maybe related to the reactors or the planet, that is. 'Sides, the owner, he's the one that took out Shinra."

A surprising thing to hear. "He did?"

"Sure did! Him and his buddies took down the whole system. Saved the planet too. So don't you be talkin' bad about him and SDS. He's a real hero."

"How the hell did he take down Shinra?"

The mayor gaped. "You need to go read a book or somethin,' son."

Well, he supposed he couldn't argue with that.

No matter the case, if SDS or whoever really was coming to investigate, he wanted to be as far away by then as possible. It was one thing to catch a ride with one of their mailmen, but by the sounds of it, SDS was swinging a lot wider than he'd previously realized. That kind of organization, well, he knew how they worked. Intimately.

Besides, he still wasn't totally buying this whole "Shinra was gone" schtick. Whoever this guy was that ran SDS, he was sympathetic to SOLDIERS and took it upon himself to investigate matters related to the same stuff Shinra had been interested in—reactors, weird stuff going on with the planet, that kind of thing.

Frankly, it sounded a lot more like Shinra in disguise than Zack was comfortable with. It wouldn't be surprising if that was the case—that the wool had been pulled over everyone's eyes once Shinra had realized they'd fucked up too bad to back out.

In fact, that sounded _exactly_ like something they'd do.

Then again, hadn't the owner of SDS been the one that had gotten him a room at the Honey Bee Inn?

It was a thought that Zack found suddenly more disconcerting than it was comforting. It meant that his movements could be tracked by SDS if they decided to look into his whereabouts. Which meant it'd be best to drop his affiliations with SDS at the earliest convenience.

"Well, hopefully they'll be able to figure something out about it," Zack settled on saying. "Thanks for your help. I'd better get back to the inn." Where he'd purchase his supplies and catch another ride with Vincent to wherever he was headed next. Didn't matter where, just so long as it was away from Nibelheim before any teams arrived from SDS. Sure, Vincent was SDS too, but once they got to their next destination, he'd sever ties and drop off the map completely.

Turning, he ignored the continued tremors in favor of heading back into town. He went directly to the inn, deciding on the way that Nibelheim had been a bad idea from the start. His anxiety was telling him to leave as soon as possible, both because of what he'd just learned and because he genuinely didn't like the place.

There was just too much history. Too much baggage.

Too much… suffering.

Vincent was in at the inn as he walked in, sitting at one of the tables filling out paperwork. It was a quaint sight for such a strange looking guy, but, then again, Zack wasn't exactly one to judge.

"Where are you headed next?" he asked as he approached, Vincent slowly looking up from his work.

"Cosmo Canyon," he said after a heavy pause.

"Mind if I ride along again?"

Vincent stared at him for a long, long moment before he answered. "I suppose not," was all he said, which was good enough for Zack.

Now all he needed to do was pick up a few cheap, meager supplies and he'd be set to get the hell out of this place.

_9 Years Ago_

The adrenaline of the moment was gone, but Cloud was far from unruffled. Not only because General Hewley had walked in at the worst possible moment, but because he was still trying to grapple with his own actions prior to that interruption. He'd had plenty of time to think about it—nearly an entire shift of doing little more than standing around—but even then, he was having a hard time.

Acting rashly wasn't a new thing for him. In fact, it was a quality of his person that had been regularly berated back in Nibelheim and that had gotten him into plenty of trouble in Midgar. Most of his impulsive decisions resulted in fights he couldn't win, be them against dragons or his peers. But even so, he fancied himself at least a modicum more intelligent than most people. Not all people—Zack, he felt, was much smarter than he gave himself credit for. But still—most people.

His actions back in Zack's apartment, however, were calling all of this into question. Not because he was debating whether or not what he'd done had been stupid—he knew it was stupid, so there was no argument—but because he was still left quite stirred by the whole thing long after he should have been feeling regret.

Because he should regret it, right? The absolute lack of restraint he'd had the moment Zack had verified that maybe he wanted him to take his clothes off? But he didn't. In fact, he was more annoyed that the general had interrupted, because even though Cloud _knew_ he was hiding things he shouldn't be and he _knew_ all of this was likely to end horribly, he just couldn't stop thinking with his dick.

Of course he was attracted to Zack—this was something he'd readily accepted from the beginning. And even though Zack was his "soulmate" or whatever, he hadn't expected those feelings to be reciprocated. He hadn't even fathomed it despite all the times Zack had complimented him, as it'd all seemed far too easily dismissed given the circumstances. But even if those circumstances still held some truth, Cloud was annoyed.

No, he wasn't annoyed.

He was horny.

Ugh, just thinking it was embarrassing. He wanted to be above such depraved motivations, but the ache between his legs was making it very, very difficult. He wasn't even entirely sure what he wanted, aside from Zack's attention.

Zack had some experience by the sounds of it. More than Cloud, who had none aside from his own solo performances. Which meant that all Cloud had to do was offer himself up, so long as Zack actually wanted him. And while a whole lot of insecurities were pounding into his head—namely insecurities relating to what he _wasn't_ saying—his desire to know what might have happened was doing a very good job of blocking all that out.

He was, instead, plagued by the potential of what might have happened had General Hewley not interrupted. There'd been something freeing in just… believing what Zack was saying and deciding to act on it. Maybe there were holes in that logic, but his lust and his hormones were having a hard time caring.

Sleeping with Zack plastered all over him hadn't helped either, because it'd just had him waking up already in overdrive.

Simply put, he'd spent most of his life alone and now Zack was giving him attention. And, well, he wanted more of it. He wasn't blind to this reality, nor to the fact that parts of his motivations were strictly shallow. Not like Zack was any better. That was, if the things he'd been saying to Cloud of late held any tangible truth.

He should be thanking Angeal for walking in on them, but instead he was lamenting the fact that he hadn't gotten to drop his pants in order to see what might have been. It'd been so exciting and heated and he'd felt… desirable.

He'd never experienced that before, being the object of someone's desire. It'd made him feel bold and attractive and sexy. He hadn't even realized he _could_ feel sexy until that morning. Having Zack's eyes on him, looking so ravenous, it'd made him want to strip right then and there. To just… open himself up to whatever Zack had in mind.

Because, in the end, the most important thing about it all was that Zack…

Zack made him feel safe.

Where others had bullied him, Zack had befriended him. Where others had laughed at him, Zack had defended him. When everyone else said his dreams were impossible, Zack did the opposite. Where others judged him, Zack accepted him. Every time Cloud was certain Zack was going to turn away, he'd been mistaken.

He wanted to trust Zack, even as the voice in the back of his thoughts warned him that when the truth came out, all of that could be turned on its head. But for the time being, secrets were being kept and Cloud…

He just wanted to live in the moment.

But of course, it'd all been ruined and now he was stuck back in his regular schedule wondering when he'd even see Zack again. After what had happened with the general, was he even allowed to see Zack? Or would that just be asking for more trouble?

Then again, he wasn't sure how much he cared about the trouble anymore. He was quickly running out of caution in favor of revisiting whatever it was had almost happened that morning.

That didn't mean he was completely blinded, however. He'd worked his full shift and knew he had to attend class. Which took up most of his day. There was an hour between the two, but that wasn't enough to bother going all the way up to see Zack.

Right?

Zack wouldn't want that, him just stopping by and then leaving again. Cloud wouldn't mind it, but he didn't want to seem…

Clingy?

Obsessive?

He wasn't sure, but it seemed like a bad idea. Sure, he wanted Zack real bad at that point, and he was thinking Zack wanted him too (which was still a little beyond him), but he wasn't about to become some kind of desperate leech.

He just had to… stay cool.

Which meant he needed to not stress about the fact that Zack hadn't texted him all day. Even if, logically, Zack didn't have anything better to do. Still, he was getting impatient, staring hard at his phone as he sat in the cafeteria eating dinner before class.

It'd been, well, close to six hours since they'd seen each other. That was long enough for it to seem like Cloud wasn't thinking about Zack as much as he was, right? Besides, he'd never been the one to text Zack first, so it wouldn't be ridiculous or anything to do it this once, right? It wasn't needy to text somebody one time. There were some things they needed to talk about as a result of General Hewley busting them anyway. Well, busting Zack mostly.

Still, he found himself hesitating as he picked up his phone, nerves holding him back. But the longer he waited, the closer it got to class starting, and then it'd be even harder to text.

He just needed to do it. Quit being a coward and just fucking text him!

**Cloud:** Hey.

 **Cloud:** You doing okay?

That was distant enough not to come across as obsessive. He had perfectly valid reasons to be worried about Zack's health. It was fine. This was all fine.

It took a minute, but Zack did eventually start typing back.

**Zack:** Hey!

 **Zack:** Yea im fine

The ellipses on the phone implied that he was still texting, but then soon vanished. Which had Cloud frowning, because usually Zack was more… chatty.

Maybe he wasn't feeling well…

**Cloud:** Was everything okay after General Hewley left?

**Zack:** oh yea its ok

 **Zack:** im used to Angeal being hard on me

 **Zack:** so

 **Zack:** yea

Why was Cloud having a tough time figuring out what to say? Normally talking to Zack was easy…

**Cloud:** I guess I can't come see you anymore.

Those ellipses flashed in and out then, at least three times, before Zack finally decided on what to say.

**Zack:** you can but only when its actualy alloud

It'd taken him multiple tries to say that?

**Cloud:** Oh. That makes sense.

He waited a minute, but no response came. Which was really weird. Something… something wasn't right. Which of course had his stomach dropping immediately. Had Zack gotten into more trouble than he was saying? Or maybe… maybe Cloud shouldn't have been as transparent when they'd been in the kitchen?

Had he read Zack's intentions wrong, somehow?

Had he messed up?

**Cloud:** I guess I don't really have to visit you, if you don't want.

Even as he typed out the message, his heart sped up with nerves. All the while, the rest of his insides felt like they were plummeting into his stomach.

Again, those ellipses were flashing. In and out, in and out.

What did that mean?

**Zack:** im fine with you visting

 **Zack:** but you dont have to if you dont want to

"What?" Cloud muttered to himself, once again taken aback by Zack's response. Usually Zack was so pushy. He'd normally be begging Cloud to visit him, because he was bored or lonely or whatever. Why was he suddenly being so… distant?

Maybe Cloud really had read everything wrong and now Zack was put off by him. But how else was he supposed to have interpreted what Zack had been saying to him? He'd flat out said that having Cloud naked in his kitchen was what he wanted.

Was there a way of interpreting that differently and Cloud just… didn't know?

Or maybe… maybe the drugs had a bigger effect on Zack than Cloud had realized. Maybe the things he'd been saying really weren't what he was thinking. Which meant that Cloud had revealed his own feelings to someone who maybe didn't share them.

Oh no…

**Cloud:** I won't if you don't want me to.

**Zack:** just

 **Zack:** do whatever you want to do

Well that sounded very flippant and uncaring.

What the hell was going on?

**Cloud:** Okay.

 **Cloud:** Fine.

 **Cloud:** I guess I won't.

**Zack:** wait

 **Zack:** why are you mad?

**Cloud:** I'm not.

 **Cloud:** I just can't figure out if you want me to come see you or not.

**Zack:** I said do whatever your comfortble with

**Cloud:** No, you said to do whatever I wanted.

**Zack:** Yea

**Cloud:** Like you don't care if I come see you or not.

 **Cloud:** Which is fine.

**Zack:** thats not

 **Zack:** what I ment

 **Zack:** im just saying you dont have to visit if you dont want to

**Cloud:** Why wouldn't I want to?

**Zack:** just

 **Zack:** I dont kno

 **Zack:** if you dont want to you dont have to

**Cloud:** So you don't care if I do or not.

**Zack:** no

 **Zack:** I mean yes

 **Zack:** I mean

 **Zack:** you dont have to feel pressured to come hang out with me

Sighing, Cloud sat back in his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Where was all this coming from? And, more importantly, what did it all mean?

**Cloud:** Why would I feel pressured to hang out with you?

Once again, he was stuck watching ellipses appear and vanish. To what end, he still couldn't figure out.

**Zack:** I kno I kind of forced you to stay before

 **Zack:** but I didnt mean to

 **Zack:** so you dont have to come see me if you dont wnat to

 **Zack:** no pressure or anything

**Cloud:** You didn't force me to do anything.

 **Cloud:** If I had a problem with what was going on, I'd have told you so.

**Zack:** you just always say everthing is fine

 **Zack:** but I dont

 **Zack:** want you to do stuff you dont want to do

Were they still talking about him going to visit?

**Cloud:** If I say everything is fine, then I mean everything is fine.

 **Cloud:** And if I don't want to do something, I'll tell you.

**Zack:** sometimes you just

 **Zack:** look annoyed

 **Zack:** so I dont

 **Zack:** want that

Wait, what?

**Cloud:** I'm not

 **Cloud:** really annoyed.

 **Cloud:** I thought you knew that.

 **Cloud:** Where is this coming from?

**Zack:** its nothing

 **Zack:** forget I said anythig

**Cloud:** Zack…

 **Cloud:** What's going on?

 **Cloud:** You're confusing me.

Scaring him, more like.

**Zack:** im sorry

 **Zack:** im just

 **Zack:** its been a weird day

 **Zack:** dont be confused ok?

 **Zack:** I just dont want you to feel like you have to do the stuff I ask all the time

**Cloud:** If I didn't want to do something, I wouldn't.

 **Cloud:** End of story.

 **Cloud:** So quit worrying about it.

 **Cloud:** I can make my own decisions.

**Zack:** I kno that

**Cloud:** So?

**Zack:** what?

**Cloud:** Do you want me to visit you or not?

**Zack:** I want

 **Zack:** you

 **Zack:** to do what you want

"Oh for fuck's sake," Cloud muttered, beginning to grow irritated now, on top of being confused and, honestly, a little hurt.

**Cloud:** I can't just do what I want, Zack.

 **Cloud:** It's your apartment.

 **Cloud:** You have to be the one to invite me.

**Zack:** you can come whenever you want

What… What did that mean?

Maybe he just needed to say as much. It was like they were going around in circles and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

**Cloud:** I don't know what that means.

**Zack:** it means what I said

**Cloud:** No, it doesn't "mean" anything.

 **Cloud:** Why are you being like this?

**Zack:** im not being anything

**Cloud:** Yes, you are.

 **Cloud:** You're not being normal.

**Zack:** I just want you to be comfortable

**Cloud:** Well, I'm not.

 **Cloud:** Why are you doing this?

 **Cloud:** You're

He hesitated for just a second, before deciding that if there were consequences to being honest, it was too late to avoid them now.

**Cloud:** You're scaring me.

The response was immediate.

**Zack:** no no no

 **Zack:** dont be scared

 **Zack:** im sorry

**Cloud:** Did I do something wrong?

**Zack:** no no

 **Zack:** your great

 **Zack:** your perfect

 **Zack:** im just being dum

 **Zack:** please dont be scared

 **Zack:** I just

 **Zack:** kno I come across a little strong

 **Zack:** and I dont want you to feel lke im forcing you do do anything

**Cloud:** You're not.

 **Cloud:** Why do you keep bringing that up?

**Zack:** because

 **Zack:** I just

 **Zack:** been thinking too much

 **Zack:** maybe

 **Zack:** I dont kno

**Cloud:** Well…

 **Cloud:** Don't.

**Zack:** dont think?

**Cloud:** Not if it's going to make you all weird.

**Zack:** lol

 **Zack:** your so funny

**Cloud:** Yeah, well, you're stressful…

**Zack:** im sorry

 **Zack:** I just

 **Zack:** I guess

 **Zack:** I mean

 **Zack:** we're ok

 **Zack:** right?

**Cloud:** Aren't we?

 **Cloud:** Should we not be?

**Zack:** no

 **Zack:** if you say we are ok

 **Zack:** then we are

**Cloud:** Alright…

 **Cloud:** We're okay.

**Zack:** ok

**Cloud:** Then…

 **Cloud:** Do you want me to visit you…

 **Cloud:** Or not?

**Zack:** I want you to come

 **Zack:** I always want you to come

Cloud released a relieved breath, unware how tense he'd become over the course of their conversation.

**Zack:** but

 **Zack:** you cant come for very long now

**Cloud:** Yeah. And I need a guest card.

Which, admittedly, might not be worth getting just so he could spend two or three hours with Zack after class. Especially if they had to go through General Hewley. Or if General Hewley would be aware of it every time Zack issued the permission himself.

That made Cloud uncomfortable, the idea that the general would know every time he intended to hang out with Zack. It felt a little like someone was watching him, even if that wasn't really the case.

**Zack:** yea

 **Zack:** um

 **Zack:** yea thats tru

**Cloud:** I could come see you tomorrow?

 **Cloud:** It's my day off.

**Zack:** ok

 **Zack:** thats fine

 **Zack:** Ill be here

 **Zack:** obviously

**Cloud:** Yeah, right, lol.

**Zack:** tomorow

**Cloud:** Tomorrow…

Somehow, the whole arrangement didn't sit well with Cloud. The entire time he was in class, he was pondering it, his discomfort continually growing. Part of him was worried for Zack, because he knew he didn't like being alone. While another part of him was just… sad. Sad that he had to wait a whole night to see Zack again. Which was silly and stupid, but even so, the idea haunted him. It was growing and growing all the while he was supposed to be paying attention, until he was convinced it wasn't right.

Or maybe he just didn't have the patience to wait that long and didn't care about the consequences. Because now that the registration desk was closed, consequences would naturally come along with being caught.

But… if he wasn't caught…

Sitting in his barracks after class, he stared down at the keycard Zack still hadn't taken back. He shielded it some from any prying eyes, pondering the pros and cons of the plan slowly forming in his head. It was a simple plan—just take the keycard and use it to get upstairs. The risk was coming across General Hewley. He'd eventually know if Cloud wasn't using a guest pass, because he'd be able to check. Which meant if he was caught, Angeal would know he was using Zack's card. Which would, in turn, result in the card being taken back and Zack getting into even more trouble.

But what was the point of having it if he didn't use it? Zack could have taken it back plenty of times, after all, but he hadn't. In fact, Zack had been encouraging him to use it. Granted, that wasn't to say Zack was being a good influence in those instances, but that was neither here nor there. The point was that if Cloud did use it, Zack wouldn't be upset. Probably.

But the general…

Changing from his uniform into his normal long-sleeved t-shirt and workout joggers, Cloud shoved the keycard into his pocket and headed out of the barracks. He took a different route than normal to get to the elevators, however, one that would take him by Angeal's office.

Trying to be as casual as possible, he eyed the bottom of the door as he walked by. A sliver of light was visible, which meant the general was inside, right?

He couldn't be certain, but it seemed like a good, educated guess. Which meant that if he wanted to head upstairs, he needed to be quick. Before Angeal could leave and potentially catch him in the elevator.

Pursing his lips in determination, Cloud eyed the door just a second longer before tearing his gaze away and jogging down the hall. The surge of excitement in his gut pushed him onward, his heart beating quick in anticipation as he reached the elevator and punched the up button.

The seconds it took to arrive felt longer than usual, Cloud turning his head over his shoulder just to make sure Angeal wasn't coming up behind him before he slid inside. He immediately scanned in Zack's keycard, before hitting the correct floor.

He was alone at first, before what looked like a janitor joined him about halfway up. But he got off just one floor further up, which left Cloud on his own for the rest of the ride.

Jitters still crawled up and down his skin as he reached his destination, nearly bolting from the elevator once the doors were open.

It was quiet, as usual, and he quickly skirted his way down the hall until he reached Zack's door. With the keycard already in hand, he scanned it in, pushing the door open just as the light flashed green.

The second he was safely inside with the door closed again, he slumped back against it and released a relieved breath.

"Cloud?"

Flicking his attention across the apartment, he spotted Zack sitting on the couch. Still shirtless, he was wearing a different pair of sweatpants—these ones were blue—while in his hands was some kind of console controller. He was obviously surprised, blinking stupidly for a few seconds.

Before a broad smile broke out across his face.

Which in turn pulled a small grin to Cloud's, any remaining tension leaking away.

Pushing himself away from the door, he headed directly for the couch, plopping down beside Zack a second later.

"I didn't give you permission to come up here," Zack pointed out, still looking a little stunned despite his smile. Almost like he couldn't believe Cloud had actually showed up.

"I just used this." He flashed the notorious keycard, before shoving it back into his pocket where it belonged.

Zack's smile turned smug. "You broke the rules. And after all those times you said you wouldn't."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "I didn't think it was worth the hassle to get a guest card just to be bothered by you for a few hours."

"What if Angeal had seen you?"

Cloud shrugged a casual shoulder. "I checked to make sure he was still in his office." He tried to pass it off as nothing, when in reality his heart was still beating a little fast. But he wasn't sure if that was because of his sneaking around or because he was just that thrilled to see Zack.

"I knew you were a bad kid," Zack replied, sitting back against the couch cushions as he did.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Cloud waved it off. "What're you playing?"

"Freefall Break," Zack replied. "Old rpg. Oh, hey! You wanna play Chocobo Racing Pro? That's a good two-player."

"Uh, sure," Cloud agreed. Zack was already reaching over to the table beside the couch, pulling open a shallow drawer and removing another console remote. He handed it to Cloud, who noted it was one of the newer models. Compatible with PC. "Where did you get this TV?" he asked a second later, noting that a large flat-screen had been propped up on the desk in front of them, the computer monitor pushed back behind it.

"I keep it shoved under my bed since I don't use it very often," Zack explained, beginning to navigate out of his previous game and into the menu where all the other games he had downloaded appeared in a drop-down list.

"Ah." Turning, Cloud looked Zack up and down, uncertain where to take the conversation from there. Mostly because he was at a bit of a loss on how to address the subject he'd been thinking about all day. Where did he even start? "So hey, remember this morning when I was gonna strip in your kitchen? What do you think about that?" Yeah, right.

He'd kind of hoped that Zack would bring it up first, but thus far, nothing. Then again, he'd only just arrived, so maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself. It was an awkward thing to talk about, after all. Playing some games and just… not talking about it might be a better way to start?

Because there was no way they couldn't talk about it… right?

"You played this before?" Zack asked, his voice jolting Cloud just a bit.

"Yeah, plenty of times," he said, feeling a little disjointed from his own voice.

No, he needed to chill. Playing games with Zack was going to be fun no matter anything else going on. He hadn't come up to see Zack just to revisit what had happened that morning. In fact, it'd be fine if they didn't. Maybe the whole thing had been a bad idea, so it was best to just pretend it… hadn't happened?

Which wasn't what Cloud wanted to do, but if Zack didn't want to talk about it…

Maybe he should just try to think about something else.

"How are you feeling?" he found himself asking, keeping his eyes on the television even as his focus remained entirely on Zack.

"Oh, uh, better. Turns out you were right and that eating regularly helps a lot. The nurse that came to see me also lowered my pain dosage by half, to see if it was more tolerable. I'm a little sore, but it's better than being totally, well, you know."

So was that why Zack wasn't addressing what had happened? Was his previous high really what had instigated everything? If that was the case, then were they just going to move on like it never happened?

Cloud wasn't sure how he felt about that idea.

Humming in acknowledgement of Zack's words, he went about navigating the character select on the screen. He needed to stop thinking about it, he decided. Just… be in the moment or something. He was in Zack's apartment playing games. If he stayed too focused on other things, he was going to ruin it.

Just try to have a good time.

Thankfully, he was right in anticipating that games with Zack would ultimately gather a majority of his attention. They were quiet at first, saying very little as they raced. But by the time Cloud had beat Zack six times in a row, their competitiveness had overshadowed everything. Cloud wore a smug smile, while Zack growled in irritation and glared at the TV.

"Why are you so good at this?" he muttered, squinting his eyes like there was some sort of mystery to be discovered on the screen.

"We're not even playing the hard tracks," Cloud pointed out nonchalantly. "I don't know why you think this would be challenging."

Reasoning that resulted in Zack petulantly redoing the settings, thus leaving them to play the game on hard mode as they were dropped into tournament type play against the game's AI—and each other, obviously. Which really stole a lot of Cloud's focus. He was pretty good at this game, but it could still be challenging.

He won the tournament, however, and the next one, and the one after that. Which resulted in a lot of swearing and frustrated yelling from Zack, while Cloud just sat back casually, pretending like it took no effort whatsoever. That was all wiped away, however, when Zack managed to sneak in a victory the fourth time. Cloud immediately soured as Zack did a whooping victory dance beside him, having absolutely no consideration when he accidentally hit Cloud in the shoulder with his own arm.

Not that it lasted. Cloud bested him the next time, and the time following. Zack was once again groaning at his defeats. When Cloud beat him yet one more time, he muttered something about playing a different game.

"Sounds like someone is a sore loser," Cloud said, which earned him the stink eye.

They switched games anyway, Zack initially wanting them to play another racing game until Cloud spotted that he'd downloaded the original version of Kill Spill, a one on one fighting game that was probably older than both of them.

Zack was initially surprised at his choice, but that quickly turned to confident self-assuredness as they started. And while Cloud wasn't nearly as transparent in his confidence, it was spelled out clear as day when he took Zack out in less than sixty seconds of the first battle.

"You'll have to do better than that," Cloud reasoned, Zack continuing to gape at the television in shock.

Switching characters, Zack tried to take him on again, Cloud moving onto an evasive strategy just because he knew it'd bother his opponent. He dodged every one of Zack's assaults, taking no damage as Zack's character was left to flounder about looking stupid.

"Quit being a little shit!" Zack growled, when Cloud jumped his character over one of Zack's strongest attacks.

"It's not my fault you don't know how to play the game," Cloud reasoned, once again dodging as Zack's character charged his own. Which resulted in him surging dangerously close to the ledge of the supposed building they were meant to be fighting on. Normally it'd be impossible to fall, as their characters weren't permitted to "leave the arena," but Cloud did know that if certain steps were taken, that rule could be broken.

Naturally, Zack being so vulnerably near the edge inspired him to do so, finally turning his character offensive as he landed a single, hard blow into Zack's back that wouldn't have normally killed him, but that did activate the special sequence that sent his character over the edge and careening down the side of the building to his death.

"What the fuck?!" Zack shouted, again gaping even as Cloud snickered beside him. "I didn't even know you could do that!"

Cloud shrugged, unable to keep the small smile from pulling up at the corners of his lips.

"You picked this game on purpose," Zack accused a second later. "Because you knew how good you were at it."

Cloud snorted. "Well, yeah." It was arrogance that riled Zack even more. Apparently all the more determined to beat Cloud, he restarted their battle. But Cloud won that one too, and the next one, and the one after that.

It went on like this for quite some time, Zack muttering out curses as he tapped away at his controller, while Cloud basically played cat and mouse with him the entire time. Whenever the opportunity struck to knock Zack's character out of the arena completely, he took it, which resulted in much shouting and profanity.

"Fuck!" Zack swore for the twelfth time, when Cloud landed a blow that knocked his HP down to practically nothing. And he would have finished him had Zack not reached out and knocked the controller out of his hand.

"Zack!" he yelled, immediately outraged as his controller when flying through the air. It landed safely on the bed, but was still too far for Cloud to get to in time, no matter how he scrambled after it.

By the time he got it and was sliding back to the couch, Zack had successfully KOed him.

"That's cheating," Cloud muttered dangerously, his stare turning hard upon Zack's smiling face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he claimed, which only infuriated Cloud further. He flopped back down on the couch nonetheless, the two of them commencing in another battle a second later. Only this time Zack didn't even bother waiting before he tried to knock Cloud's controller out of his hand. Cloud had expected another attack, however, and managed to dodge before going in for his own assault.

Not wanting to knock the controller into the kitchen where it could break upon landing, he instead swiped it completely, ignoring Zack's scoffing outrage as he tossed it back the other way. It landed on the far side of the bed, which gave him the opening to take Zack's character out without any defenses.

Aside from Zack's real-life attempts, that was. Cloud was left squawking when Zack reached out and covered his eyes. He tried to move his head to the side, but it didn't much help, leaving him blind as he resolutely continued to try and take out Zack's character. It became nearly impossible when Zack then used to free hand to start tugging at Cloud's controller.

"This is low!" Cloud shouted, attempting to shy so fully away from Zack that he'd avoid all his underhanded attacks. But the couch simply wasn't big enough, Cloud unable to escape. Growling, he tried to shove Zack's arm back with his elbow, chicken-winging the situation as best he could while still attempting to pound Zack's character into the ground during what few seconds dodging out from behind Zack's hand provided.

Zack eventually released a grunt and fell back, Cloud diving in to take advantage of the situation by slamming his character right out of the arena. He raised his arms in victory the second he did, only noticing Zack's labored breathing after the victory fanfare had finished.

His entire body went immediately cold.

"Shit, Zack," he muttered, quickly setting his controller aside while Zack leaned back against the other arm of the couch, his hand hovering shakily around the bandage over his chest wound. "Did I hit you?" Cloud asked quickly. "Shit, I'm sorry. Are you okay? Do you need something? Fuck, I didn't mean…"

His words fell away when Zack abruptly froze, before his breathing evened out and a smile cracked across his lips.

Cloud's nostrils flared in outrage. "That's not funny!" he said loudly, while Zack started laughing. Reaching out, he did shove Zack back by the shoulder. "Asshole!"

"No, no, I'm hurt!" he claimed through his laughter.

"You're so full of shit," Cloud hissed. "Not that it matters—I still won."

"Why are you being so mean?" Zack whined. "I'm in pain and you're not even going easy on me."

"You're the one that started playing dirty."

"You're too good! I needed some kind of advantage!"

"Or you could have just accepted inevitable defeat!"

He pouted. "You're so cruel."

"You deserve it."

Zack kept pouting, as if such a puppy-dog face was going to have any effect on Cloud. All it got him was a snort of contempt, Cloud crossing his arms over his chest and looking aside. Which had Zack laughing again. Yet, this soon faded into the silence of the room, Cloud looking back as Zack sighed and leaned against the couch.

He pulled his phone from his pocket a second later, Cloud tensing as Zack made an obvious show of checking the time.

"12:03," he muttered. "Past curfew…"

And while he wouldn't admit it, Cloud did feel a bit of relief. He'd been purposefully avoiding his phone since they'd started, not wanting to draw attention to the time. He hadn't been "trying" to end up there past curfew, but he also hadn't been actively keeping track.

It was an accident. Sort of.

Pooching his lips to the side, he offered no response.

"Angeal said you're not allowed to sleep here again," Zack added a second later, which had Cloud's heart dropping.

He wasn't going to kick him out, was he?

"But…" Zack flicked his gaze to the side, "he doesn't know you're here, so…"

"That's true…" Cloud muttered.

The silence between them grew heavier, Zack sinking further down into the couch while Cloud fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt. It was only when Zack started sucking on the insides of his cheeks, making a sort of preoccupied kissing noise, that Cloud looked his way.

Their eyes met, which put a stop to Zack's noise-making and made way for a slight blush across Cloud's cheeks. Slowly but surely, he could feel the tension in the room rising. Like floodwaters, it was soon overtaking everything, Cloud's whole chest growing tight as he flicked his attention away again.

Or maybe it was just him. He could be imagining it he supposed—a consequence of the way his thoughts were revisiting the morning. That didn't mean Zack was thinking about the same thing. Or maybe it was worse and Cloud was the one actively making everything weird. Somehow, he wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

"So…" Zack's head fell to one side. "You wanna keep playing games or…"

 _Or_? Or what? What was the alternative?

Cloud desperately wanted to know.

"It's up to you," he said instead, trying to appear as casually unassuming as possible.

Zack hmmed, his head falling to the other side. "We should probably stop." This drew Cloud's gaze quickly his way. "It's pretty late and I'm… tired."

 _Oh_ …

Zack scratched at the back of his head. "And I have an early meeting with Angeal at nine. He'll be pissed if I'm late."

Cloud nodded. "Sorry about missing curfew," he said lamely. "I didn't mean to keep you up or anything."

"Huh? Oh, no, it's fine," Zack waved the comment away. "Besides, you know I'll sleep better if you're here. Today just had its ups and downs and I'll probably feel pretty shitty if I don't get enough hours in, you know?"

"Yeah, of course."

Another swollen silence, one that left Cloud feeling deflated and frustrated. "I gotta use the bathroom," he muttered, using the lie to break away from whatever weirdness it was that kept bloating up between them. Heading across the apartment, he was soon closed up inside the small bathroom.

Leaning back against the door, he closed his eyes and tried not to let his dejection get the better of him. Because, really, this was fine. He'd been stupid to think anything would come of the morning. He was beginning to doubt it'd happened at all, truth be told. Maybe it'd been some sort of weird fever dream—waking up so close to Zack, everything he'd felt, the things Zack had said.

Rationally, he knew that wasn't true, but facing that reality was acutely agonizing. It felt almost like he was being rejected or something, which he definitely wasn't ready to face. No, he just needed to pull himself together and appreciate the time he was getting with Zack. It'd only ruin it all if he got upset or something. Zack had dealt with his bad attitude enough already—he didn't need to give himself an even worse rep.

Pushing off the door, he moved to the sink. Leaning down on the porcelain, he stared at himself in the mirror. His insecurities over Zack were permeating everything, making it hard to take in the reflection staring back at him. It was like every flaw was bigger than usual, making him hyper-aware of the softness of his jaw, of the general thinness of all his features. Even his eyes he sometimes scowled at, simply because of how big they were. He had feminine features—he'd been aware of that ever since puberty had failed to broaden any part of him. And while he didn't usually mind or care, he was suddenly very aware of how different he was to Zack.

Zack, with his broad shoulders, toned muscles, and tall stature. He had that sharp, chiseled jaw that wasn't overly squared, but still inherently masculine. His piercing eyes gave away that he was always thinking more than he acted like he was, and when he smiled…

It was like his face was made to smile. It unfolded across his expression so naturally, whereas Cloud could barely manage his own small grins, always feeling like they were out of place on his face.

He wished he could be as open and optimistic and, just, as bright as Zack. The moment he walked into a room, the whole thing lit up. He was like a miniature sun, warm, but impossible to touch.

Cloud had been crazy to think Zack had meant any of the things he'd been saying. It'd been the drugs, more than likely, and now they had to live with the awkwardness of Cloud being idiotic enough to imagine otherwise. Granted, nothing had happened, but he'd almost…

Ugh, the change from earlier that day was like whiplash. He was so embarrassed now. What little logic he had left reminded him that Zack was the one that had said the words that had inspired his almost-actions, but that hardly seemed to matter. He should have known none of it actually meant anything—that Zack had been too high not to talk out his ass. Just imagining what might have happened if Angeal hadn't walked in now haunted him where it'd previously excited him.

Maybe it was a blessing Angeal had walked in. In fact, maybe he should be listening to Angeal instead of sneaking around. None of this was bound to end well, after all—a fact he'd been well aware of even as he'd indulged in the fantasy of Zack actually wanting him.

This was for the best. Soulmate or not, it was just less complicated.

He and Zack were friends. And that… that was enough.

Repeating this to himself a few more times, he gathered his composure and eventually marched back out into the apartment.

He noted right away that Zack had moved from the couch. Gaze trailing further back, Cloud saw that he'd settled into bed. He was sitting up, but had a thin sheet covering his lower half. Appearing preoccupied, he was poking away at his phone.

It did not escape Cloud's notice that he was very much situated on the left side of the bed. To the point where it was blatantly obvious he was sparing room on the right side for someone else.

Which had Cloud's insides jumbling up all over again, all previous defenses cracking away. It was getting to the point where just being around Zack was exhausting. He was constantly ping-ponging back and forth between all the possibilities, ultimately unable to come to any sort of consensus.

He was kind of over it, frankly. Which brought him to the conclusion that he just… didn't care anymore. They were friends, that he knew for sure. Everything else he was just going to stop thinking about.

Obviously, that was unlikely to actually be possible, but for the night, he was settled on that perspective. He was tired too, after all, and was sick of over-analyzing everything that happened between them. It wasn't getting him anywhere, so he might as well just go with it. He was sleeping in Zack's bed again? Fine.

It was fine.

Everything was _fine_.

"Are you turning in?" he asked as he approached the bed, Zack finally looking up from his phone as he did.

"Oh, yeah. I mean, if you want to."

Cloud shrugged. "Sure." Going to the door, he finally kicked off his shoes before bending down to slip off his socks. He lastly reached for the light switch, hesitating only a second before flipping it down.

It was dark, but Zack's phone screen still lit up enough of the room to guide him easily to the bed. His glowing eyes did the job pretty well too, Cloud aware that he watched him as he moved to the edge of the bed. He didn't spare Zack any eye contact, however, instead sitting down on the mattress before putting all his focus into retaining his composure.

It was a few more long seconds before he took a huffing breath and leaned back. Settling his head into the pillow, he pulled his legs up and tried to get comfortable. He was very much trying to stay as far to the right side of the bed as possible without falling off, only a few inches sitting between him and the edge. There was more space between him and Zack than there was between Cloud and the empty air. But that was probably for the best.

Zack was still watching him, but Cloud didn't bother trying to decipher his expression. Instead, he turned onto his side—away from Zack—and forcefully closed his eyes.

He heard it some seconds later when Zack sighed and sank down as well, the bed eventually stilling completely as they settled fully in for sleep.

Should he say goodnight?

No, that was dumb. Just…

Just go to sleep.

Be it for better or worse, Cloud didn't have the hardest time finding rest. As Zack had noticed, he could pretty much fall asleep anywhere. Apparently, that included beds full of awkwardness and uncertainty. But that wasn't to say he could keep sleeping, as he was soon being pulled back to awareness by sweaty heat coating his body.

Why was he so hot? He tried to ignore it at first, fading in and out, but eventually his eyes were fluttering open. It was dark, obviously, and he could tell by how drowsy he still was that he couldn't have been asleep more than a few hours.

He was all sticky and clammy, his nose curling as his sleep-slowed brain tried to comprehend it all.

There was something very hot at his back, something that he quickly noted was breathing against him. Which had his eyes popping wide as he realized it was Zack.

He'd snuggled right up behind him, one arm tucked up under Cloud's pillow while the other was wrapping down around his body, caging him against Zack's bare chest. He could feel warm breath against the back of his neck, Zack's strong body framing his own. Even his legs were folded up with Cloud's, aligning them so perfectly that they were completely flush together.

Continuing to try and blink the sleep away, Cloud attempted to digest this reality as quickly as possible, not wanting his own tense surprise to wake Zack, who was already a light sleeper.

But that became all the more impossible as his senses continued to stitch together, as it became obvious that something besides Zack's hips were pressing into his rear. This something was long, hard, and lined up almost perfectly with the center of his ass, only the fabric of their clothes keeping it from settling more fully into place.

This realization left Cloud a bit panicked, which resulted in him barely breathing at all as he tried to figure out what to do. Did he wake Zack up and tell him to get off, like nothing was amiss? Or did he just stay as they were and let Zack's dick rest up against his ass for the rest of the night?

After all, it wasn't like this was Zack's fault. It was common knowledge to people with penises that sometimes they got hard and there was nothing to do about it, specifically while one was sleeping. If he woke Zack up and pushed him away, then he'd be drawing attention to the situation, which would no doubt be embarrassing for Zack. Maybe if he just let it be, then the whole situation would relieve itself before Zack even realized it was happening.

Or he'd stay hard until he woke up, at which point he'd still realize what had happened. But then, if Cloud pretended like he'd never noticed, that saved face for both of them.

Waking Zack up, then, was the worst solution. He'd just lay there and let it be. Except that the longer he laid there, the more aware he became of Zack's dick riding up against his crack, which made it difficult to think about anything else. This resulted in his own blood dropping lower and lower until there was a throbbing ache between his legs, one that he tried to subdue and failed, because he soon felt the fabric of his pants straining against an erection.

Squinting his eyes shut, he tried to think of anything that would alleviate the throbbing heat, but his thoughts kept bouncing back to Zack's dick, which in turn pumped more blood down between his legs. He tried not to tense up, not to give in to his body's instinctive want to respond, but all of that was basically moot the moment Zack's own hips moved forward, grinding ever so lightly against Cloud's ass.

He was biting his lower lip, his shaky breath echoing far too loudly in his ears.

"Cloud?"

Zack's groggy voice caused him to startle, his own body so rigid that of _course_ he'd woken the other man up.

"You okay?" he asked after another second, sounding like he was barely able to string two words together.

Gulping, Cloud just barely nodded. "Mmhmm." He wasn't sure he could get out much more than that without giving himself away.

Not that it mattered. It didn't take but a few seconds before Cloud felt Zack tense up as well. He heard it too, Zack's short intake of breath, which was followed by silence so acute Cloud was certain Zack could hear how fast his heart was beating.

And so they laid there, neither of them doing anything as the tension spiked.

Tension that had to be broken at some point, because there was no getting around it now. One of them had to pull away, or so Cloud was reasoning with himself just before Zack apparently decided to be the one to act.

But it wasn't the separation that Cloud had been expecting. Instead, Zack slowly slid his arm back, until his hand was settling lightly along Cloud's side. His fingers trailed across the fabric of his shirt, igniting heated sparks that had Cloud twitching.

His breath was still hot on his neck. "Is this okay?" he murmured, a question that had Cloud's entire body stirring.

Still biting his lip, he tried to think some on Zack's question, but ultimately was having a hard time thinking at all. Which left only his instincts—instincts that had him nodding as something like a whine echoed around his voice.

" _Yes_ ," he managed to say, aware of the way his dick jerked in anticipation as he did.

It was all the permission Zack needed to slide his hand down along his stomach. Lower and lower across Cloud's shirt, until his fingers were wavering at the edge of his pants. He paused for just a second then, a second long enough for Cloud to release another shaky breath, before he slipped his fingers in-between fabric and heated skin.

Cloud couldn't help it—something like a startled gasp escaped his throat, because Zack didn't waste any time. His fingertips lingered only shortly along Cloud's erection, skimming up to the tip, before he was closing his hand around him completely.

The heat of Zack's hold sent a throb so strong through Cloud's body that his hips reacted, thrusting once into Zack's hand, before pulling back until he was pressing his ass into Zack's own erection. Which pulled a grunt from Zack, who paused for only half a second before he started stroking.

He didn't start out gentle or tentative. He held Cloud with the same certainty he probably held himself, jerking forward and sliding back like he'd done it a hundred times before. He ran his thumb over Cloud's tip with each passing motion, before moving back down to the base and doing it all over again.

Cloud tried to stand it, tried to calm down. But with each of Zack's brisk strokes, any and all control flew out the window. He'd known the second Zack had slipped his hand down his pants that he wasn't going to last long. He almost came the moment Zack touched him, but desperation had given him just a little more strength. Not much, however, because with every jerk of Zack's hand, he was already unraveling, bundles of nerves exploding with heat that left him reaching out to paw at the sheets. A pathetic moan left his throat, while that pulsating rush pushed heavily along his length before spilling out of him.

He'd lasted less than a minute. A lot less than a minute, Zack's movements coming to a grating halt as Cloud ejaculated against the inside of his own pants—and maybe all over Zack's hand.

It was embarrassing, any remaining heat left in him immediately flooding his face as he turned his nose into the pillow.

"Sorry," he whispered, his own hand coming up to cover his mouth, as if he could somehow take back all the pitiful noises he'd made.

Zack chuckled ever so quietly behind him. "It's okay," he murmured, his voice so close now that Cloud was certain he'd leaned over him, his lips right behind his ear. "I get it."

Which didn't really make Cloud feel any better, his hand still clamped over his mouth as if that was going to contain his embarrassment.

Zack, meanwhile, hadn't made any move to pull his hand from Cloud's pants, instead trailing his fingers back along his softening shaft until he was able to close his hand around his balls, which had Cloud releasing a hard, shuddering breath.

"Is it okay if I keep touching you?" he asked.

Cloud nodded helplessly against the pillow.

And while Zack did fondle him for a bit longer, he eventually dragged his touch up over his thigh—which had Cloud shivering—to his hip. It was here that he paused, his hand massaging the skin as he once again leaned in.

"You're… You're sure this is okay?"

Cloud finally pulled his hand away from his face. "Y—Yes." He was more than okay with it—he wanted it all so badly that he couldn't even keep himself together enough to get through it. "Please, just… It's fine."

Zack barely whispered "okay," perhaps more to himself than to Cloud, before he leaned back a bit. This removed his erection from against Cloud's ass—which he did not appreciate—but made it possible to instead slide his hand down the back of his pants, Cloud barely jolting in place when he grazed over his ass cheek before grabbing hold and firmly squeezing.

Once again reaching for the sheets, Cloud gripped them in tandem with Zack's massaging, closing his eyes as the heat at the base of his stomach flared back into life. He instinctively pulled his upper knee forward, sliding it across the mattress in an unconscious attempt to open himself up further. As he physically _begged_ Zack to do more.

And Zack, well, he was good at taking orders, be they direct or not. His hand was soon sliding further down, delving into the heat between Cloud's ass cheeks even as he continued to cup and grope all the while. Until he was sliding the side of his hand along Cloud's entrance, causing him to jump and harshly bite his lip.

He was helpless to do little more than scrape at the sheets when Zack started to caress his entrance, using his fingertips to lightly press and rub. Which he kept doing for some time, even when Cloud started to push back against him.

Was he teasing him? Or was he trying to be careful? Cloud couldn't tell, nor did he have the words to properly communicate. Something in him was afraid—afraid that if he said or did too much, he'd break whatever late-night spell had gotten him here in the first place.

When Zack finally pushed hard enough to slide the tip of his finger inside of him, he couldn't help whimpering.

It'd been a while since he'd touched himself like this—there was nowhere private to do so while he was living in the barracks—and so there was a bit of tight pain, but he knew well enough to expect it not to be bothered. He focused, instead, on the feeling of Zack's long finger pushing further and further, until he was knuckle deep and curling the thin appendage up inside him.

Which pulled a gasping breath from Cloud, his whole body bowing back into Zack's touch.

Slowly, he began to stroke his finger in and out, curling it every time he pushed all the way inside. While Cloud gave in to his hips, starting to push back in tandem with Zack's motions. Tight arousal was once again gathering between his legs, throbbing back in sync with their developing rhythm.

Until Zack abruptly pulled his finger loose, leaving Cloud cold and releasing a desperate noise that he was too ashamed to admit had come from his own mouth.

"One sec, okay?" Zack whispered, leaning into Cloud's back as he reached over him. He fumbled for the end table, audibly pulling out the top drawer before continuing to rummage around. He eventually found whatever he was looking for, retreating back behind Cloud a second later.

There was the sound of a plastic cap, which sent another wave of heat down to the base of Cloud's stomach, as he was able to anticipate where this was going.

He was a bit startled when Zack pressed his finger back inside him without warning, since the lube now coating his finger was far colder than either of their skin. But that passed as quickly as the pain had in favor burning arousal. He could feel it trickling in, layer upon layer gathering between his legs, tightening and twisting as he thrust himself back on Zack's finger.

Another jolting breath echoed up through his throat when Zack added a second slicked finger, stretching him further as he slowed his pace, allowing Cloud's entrance time to adjust before he was once again stroking in and out. In and out, in and out, pressure coiling in Cloud's stomach all the while.

"Ughn—" He turned his face into the pillow, breathing hard as Zack unexpectedly added a third finger. Which was tight. Very, very tight. But Cloud wanted it—he wanted it so badly. He was still a little shocked that any of this was happening in the first place. Maybe it was a dream, he didn't know. And he didn't care. He just… He just wanted to keep going.

"Sorry," Zack murmured, sounding somewhat breathless. "I didn't mean to go too fast. I just really—I'm—"

Cloud shook his head, hoping that and the way he pushed his ass back against Zack's hand would get the message across that he wasn't upset with their pace. Not like he hadn't shoved his own fingers up his ass before—the feeling was familiar, even if knowing that it was Zack behind it sent a heavy throb dropping like a stone into his stomach. One that had him trembling all over as Zack slowly moved those three fingers in and out, Cloud's entrance stretching to accommodate every stroke even as the heat between his legs coiled and tightened.

He knew his arousal had returned full force now, his dick beginning to twitch anew as Zack picked up the thrusting pace of his fingers, still curling them at just the right moment before doing it all over again. Cloud, meanwhile, tried to keep himself quiet even as whimpering pants threatened to break from his throat. He covered his mouth once again, hoping that would dampen any noises while his other hand snaked down his body until he had his own length in hand. But even though he wanted to jerk himself off in tandem with Zack's motions, he was having a hard time finding any sort of control. There was just so much pressure building and so much fire all over his skin—he didn't know how to find control.

"Fuck, Cloud," Zack murmured, his voice like an ache in Cloud's ear. "You feel so fucking perfect, I just—I want—" His fingers slid free a second later, balancing on Cloud's hip as the sudden loss of heat—and of fullness—left Cloud whimpering into his own hand, which was still clamped tightly over his mouth.

Zack leaned in close to him then, laying his body back up against Cloud's own. His erection was once more pressing through their clothing up against Cloud's ass, only this time Zack was rubbing up into him. Rubbing desperately, Cloud able to hear the way his own breath had shortened, his hand gripping even tighter around Cloud's hip.

"Cloud…" he whispered, his voice so close and so soft. Like he was sharing some kind of hushed secret, something that only Cloud was allowed to know. Which spiked another wave of heat down between his legs, his breath catching in tandem with Zack's. "I want you so bad, Cloud," he continued, his words turning to a plea. "I _need_ you."

Words that Zack had only ever spoken to Cloud in the darkest hours of his dreams—words that he'd always rationalized away, be it with one excuse or another. But now they were real, and Zack was rubbing his body urgently against his own, and Cloud wanted that. Wanted that desire and that sensation, even though he didn't know what it felt like. But there was an emptiness where Zack had previously been touching him, a gaping hole that was begging to be filled.

He wanted it so badly. He wanted Zack.

"O—Okay," he managed to whisper, finally dropping his hand from his mouth in order to grasp at the sheets. "Please." He didn't know if he was giving permission or begging, though in the end it didn't much matter.

Behind him, something like a grunting breath came from Zack, the hand he had on Cloud's hip tightening for only a moment—pinching the skin—before he was hastily grabbing hold of the edge of Cloud's joggers and yanking them down. Just to the point of being out of the way, Cloud gasping as the cooler air of the room assaulted his bare skin. His bare ass, as it was, his erection catching on the lip of his pants as they were stretched downward.

Pushing the front of his pants down as well, Cloud hastily freed himself as he heard Zack hurriedly doing much the same right behind him—the sound of Zack shoving his own sweats down out of the way, before the slipping noise of his hand stroking his own length, no doubt because of the necessary lube. Before he was once again leaning in, Cloud taking in a quick, shaky breath at the sensation of skin on skin—of Zack's hard, heated dick sliding down between his ass cheeks.

Before Zack's finger was once again rubbing at his entrance, perhaps acting as a guiding point in the darkened apartment. The touch didn't linger, his hand retreating before he was moving back just enough to press the tip of erection into the same spot.

That alone was near enough to send Cloud over the edge, his whole body jerking as he gasped. A gasp that turned into a whimpering cry as Zack slowly—oh so slowly—pressed the tip of his dick in past Cloud's entrance. He was prepped enough that he stretched easily as it happened. But even then, the width and fullness of Zack was greater than that of his fingers, Cloud's entrance having to stretch even further to accommodate him.

It was painful, but not in a bad way. It couldn't be bad, not when Cloud was so utterly hot and bothered at just the idea of Zack's dick up his ass, let alone the actual reality. And as Zack continued to slowly push himself deeper—grip once more balanced on his hip—Cloud was left to scrape his hands frantically atop the sheets, a trembling whine escaping his throat as more and more of him was filled.

Filled with _Zack_ , which had the heat between his legs contracting feverishly. His own dick was twitching in response, Cloud knowing he was cumming all over again as Zack pushed himself as deeply inside as he could. Until he was straining to pull Cloud closer, his hips flush up against Cloud's ass.

"Fuck, Cloud," he groaned, "you're so fuckin' tight. And warm. And, just, fuck."

Cloud barely heard him. He was too busy taking in the feeling of Zack inside of him, of what had previously been a painful stretch becoming thought-born pleasure, his muscles contracting and tightening around this fullness that he'd known he wanted, but hadn't really been able to imagine.

It occurred to him that he could stay just like this—just… holding Zack's dick inside himself—and be wholly content.

"I don't—I don't know how long I'm going to last," Zack admitted.

"It doesn't matter," Cloud said, his words little more than a fleeting breath. He was already beyond comprehending that this was even happening, let alone anything else. He was lost in a pool of expanding heat, every nerve in his body going numb in comparison to the feeling of Zack shifting inside him. Barely shifting as Zack settled behind him, but it was enough to pull a hiss of pleasure from Cloud, who was, admittedly, so captivated by the very idea of what they were doing that Zack could do absolutely nothing and he'd still get off.

When Zack's hold on his hip tightened and he began to very slowly grind into him, Cloud bit painfully at his bottom lip and reached back, looking for some kind of anchor. His stomach flipped with eager anticipation, while something like excited fear urged him to instinctively seek out security.

What he found was Zack's hand on his hip, his own fumbling fingers clutching down atop it as Zack rocked against him, beginning a sort of gradual rhythm. He could hear Zack's labored breathing, make out the tightness of his efforts as he struggled to keep his movements controlled.

"I'm not…" A grunting groan cut into Zack's words. "I'm not… hurting you… right?"

Cloud shook his head, too breathless to find words. But when Zack took a painfully rigid breath and slowed his movements even more, Cloud was caught releasing a desperate whimper, the surge of heat that flooded up through him so intense that it brought tears to his eyes.

"Don't stop," he barely managed to say.

"O—Okay," Zack murmured against his ear. "Alright…"

He picked up his pace again, beginning to pull back just enough to shallowly thrust back in. And each time he did, Cloud was hyper-aware, his body sending spasming bolts of pleasure all the way to his toes every time the motion was repeated.

A motion that gradually grew in intensity, Zack grunting behind him as he started to let go of his own control. As he pulled back further and thrust in harder. Which left Cloud gasping out short, choppy moans every time Zack re-filled him. He knew, somewhere, that he was making these noises, but couldn't find the self-control to temper them. It was like Zack was physically pushing them forward, from the depths of somewhere deep inside him that he'd always been too embarrassed to explore.

Cloud began to move with him, grinding back against him every time he plunged forward and pulling back as Zack did. Which resulted in Zack's thrusts becoming even harder, a loud, sweaty smacking sound echoing around the small, otherwise quiet apartment as Zack's hips drove forward into his ass.

"Shit," Zack hissed, something in his voice breaking as he sped up in his thrusting. He was unraveling too—Cloud could feel it in how he started to lose his initially focused movements. He was falling out of rhythm, making it difficult for Cloud to respond in kind. Which was fine. Still holding tight to Zack's hand, Cloud closed his eyes and just… relished it. He let go of any of his last remaining inhibitions as Zack fucked him hard and fast, their bodies slapping together with every reflexive, driving thrust of Zack's hips.

Maybe it was painful—maybe he'd feel it in the morning—but Cloud didn't care. He was too overwhelmed by the experience—by the euphoria that this was happening at all. That Zack, who was just… everything, was losing his composure because of _him_. Because he wanted him so desperately that he couldn't keep his control any better than Cloud.

He was groaning into Cloud's ear, his breath hot and catching, while Cloud leaned his head back and released a long, whimpering moan, one that echoed of Zack's name.

Which pushed Zack to the edge, his grunting breath stuttering even further as his hold on Cloud's hip became so tight it pinched. His thrusts lost any sense of balance, instead jutting frantically as he tugged Cloud right up against him, so he was as deeply inside of him as he could get. While Cloud's muscles contracted, shivering and flexing as Zack shoved himself against him—shoved into him—before releasing a deep groan right behind Cloud's ear.

He could feel it, the twitching spasm of Zack's body behind him as he came. He stayed as he was for just a second—buried deep—before a whimpering groan of his own left his throat. He thrust shallowly up into Cloud a few more times, before suddenly pulling out completely. Which made the feeling of warm wetness all the more acute as Cloud's entrance was suddenly faced with cold air. Wetness that leaked some out of his ass and down between his cheeks, while being compounded by the fact that the last of Zack's ejaculation hit him after he'd pulled out.

"Shit, sorry," Zack muttered, Cloud barely able to hear him over the throbbing of his own heart in his ears—of his own echoing arousal, which was still shaking down to the pulsating core between his legs. "I should have… asked if it was okay… inside of you. And then I tried to pull out… but…"

Cloud really didn't care, but didn't have the voice to say so. He was too busy melting into the bed, his whole body numb. All but the contracting heat between his legs, which was left echoing of everything that had just happened, even though he knew he was spent.

"Then again…" Zack swallowed hard behind him, continuing to prattle on, "you're not a girl, so maybe you don't care… I don't know, I don't know."

Still breathing hard, Cloud forced his trembling fingers to wrap completely around Zack's hand, which was still resting weakly on his hip. Before he gently tugged Zack's arm around him, until he was holding it against his chest, his own fingers clinging desperately.

Still breathing hard, Zack pressed up close behind him, his larger form shrouding Cloud's own as he leaned in over him. As he released a heavy breath and buried his face in Cloud's hair.

While Cloud remained a dizzy mess, blinking heavily into the darkness and aware of very little aside from the remnants of their activities and the heat of Zack around him. Heat that was comforting and heady, and that was soon pulling him under.

Closing his eyes, he squeezed his hand around Zack's once more and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These horny boys be getting a little ahead of themselves I think, lol. 
> 
> And Zack in the present is... He's doing his best, lol. Originally the present part was going to be longer, but the past part got SO long that I decided to shift some of the originally intended present stuff to future chapters. 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear.


	16. Chapter 16

_Present Day_

"So…" Tifa started, still dressed in sleeping sweats as she approached the table.

Cloud was sitting near the front of the bar, by the window, with stacks of papers strewn out in front of him. Emails, contracts, etc… Just normal business that he might have let gather dust a little too long. But despite the fact that he'd arrived home before dinner the night before, he'd had a hard time finding sleep, which was why he was up bright and early trying to distract himself.

"So?" he asked, glancing only quickly up at her before setting his focus back down on the document in front of him.

Humming, she slid into the bench across from him, tapping her fingers on the tabletop. "We didn't get the chance to talk last night," because she'd been working. "Did you figure anything out in Junon?"

A question Cloud should have been expecting, but that left him frowning nonetheless.

"Not really," he eventually admitted. "Neither Reeve nor Tseng could make much of the matter. And while I did talk to Genesis, he said he'd have to do some research before he could even begin to wrap his head around it." After he'd done the deed of poking and prodding at him for half an hour, mind.

Frowning as well, Tifa reached out across the table and laid her hand over his arm. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I know… I know this must be getting to you."

Which was true, even if he didn't outwardly acknowledge her words. He'd been bouncing between anger and frustration for some time, before the desperation to get the new mark removed had led him to discussing the issue with his other friends. But now that he was left with nothing—other than waiting for answers he might never get—he was just… tired. Tired of worrying about it, tired of hating it, tired of feeling helplessly paranoid.

He'd decided that, in the end, it didn't much matter that it was there. Just because he had some other, new soulmate didn't mean he had to have anything to do with them. He'd gotten lucky with Zack, during the relatively brief time they'd been together. There was no reason this other soulmate should be at all equal, nor did he have any desire to investigate further.

Whatever was going on, he wanted nothing to do with it. End of story.

"Denzel's excited you're back," Tifa said after a few seconds of silence, knowing him well enough not to push the subject any further. "You'll be here longer this time, right?"

Cloud sighed. "I wish I could be, but there's some… strange stuff happening in Nibelheim." A claim that immediately drew her concern. "Tremors, apparently. Coming from Nibel. I think the people are worried it has something to do with the reactor."

"The reactor's totally shut down though, right?"

"Yeah, but who knows what the long-term effects of Shinra will be." He waved the subject aside. "I doubt it has anything to do with mako, however. Reeve mentioned that Icicle Inn is reporting similar issues, apparently coming from the Northern Crater."

Which had Tifa's expression going dark. "Are you going there?"

"After Nibelheim, probably."

"I'll go with you."

He shook his head. "I'll have Yuffie and Vincent with me in Nibelheim, and Cid and Elena at the crater. Besides, Denzel needs one of us here—it's bad enough I can't ever seem to be here as much as I want to be."

Still, she was uneasy. "Cloud…"

He almost said that it was probably nothing, but that would be a stupid lie to say to her face. It was never nothing, much to everyone's constant paranoia. But still, maybe they'd get lucky and it'd be related to the planet or the lifestream. That was better than the other plethora of alternatives.

"I'll keep you updated," he promised. "Every day."

"Twice a day, Cloud," she insisted.

He nodded. "Twice a day."

It looked like she might say more—likely to add more stipulations to his trip—but before she could, the front door to the bar was swinging open. Neither of them were at all surprised, as it was pretty normal for Rude to arrive at about this time. Which held true, as his tall figure was bowing in through the doorway a moment later. And while he appeared generally stoic—as always—Cloud could see the tension in his jaw and shoulders.

He'd dressed up, which… might not have been the best idea, as it made him look more like the Turk he'd been than anything else. Black loafers, dress pants, and a matching button-up. Thankfully, he'd foregone the jacket, instead opting to "casually" roll his sleeves up to the elbows. Probably to give easier access to his soulmark.

In his hand, he held a bouquet of deep orange lilies. Flowers were still rare to find near or around Midgar and Edge, aside from those that grew in the church, so he must have gone considerably out of his way to get them.

Cloud wondered, fleetingly, how well they'd be received. Tifa had accepted a flower from him, once upon a time, but from what Barret had said, she was usually less welcoming of such advances.

"Wow, Rude," Tifa said as he entered fully, a small smile playing at her lips as she stood to go meet him. "You look so nice. And the flowers! You meeting someone for breakfast or something?" She looked a bit like a cat who'd unexpectedly caught a mouse—like she might get the chance to rib good-naturedly on someone who usually never opened themselves up to such vulnerabilities.

It reminded Cloud a great deal of Aerith, actually. One of the ways she had rubbed off on Tifa, as she had on all of them at one point or another.

"Uh…" Rude was at a loss on how to respond, his gaze darting from Tifa to Cloud—who offered no help—before going back to Tifa.

At least he'd had the good sense not to wear his sunglasses. They were hanging from one of his belt loops instead.

"They're… for you," he eventually managed to get out, before awkwardly holding the bouquet out to her. Which visibly surprised Tifa, any sense of good-humor draining from her expression in lieu of defensive suspicion.

She didn't take the flowers, instead staring down at them for some time, before her gaze tripped to the side. To Cloud, who she looked at like she was expecting something. Expecting him to do something perhaps, as he'd normally have done when it came to unwanted advances. But if she was waiting for him to rush up to her side, she was left hanging. All he did instead was nod vaguely in her direction—meeting her gaze, of course—before he licked the tip of his thumb and started flipping through the document in front of him, his attention eventually dropping away.

Which left her taking in a quick, affronted breath, before she was whipping back around on Rude. She actually took half a step back, or so Cloud noted as he watched them through his lashes.

She did not take the flowers.

"Why are you giving them to me?" she asked shortly.

Which earned her silence, before Rude sighed and pulled the flowers back. Leaning to the side, he set them down on the nearest table, before visibly bracing himself as he turned to face her again.

"I need to tell you something," he said after a few more seconds of silence, his expression looking oddly… open. And exposed. Which had discomfort coiling in Cloud's chest, mostly because he didn't envision this ending well.

"Maybe you shouldn't," Tifa replied quickly.

If he hadn't felt so bad, Cloud might have snorted.

Rude sighed again. "I have to tell you," he said, his voice somewhat subdued now. "It's not right that I haven't told you already. It's been… years."

A claim that had Tifa looking both startled and confused.

Cloud, meanwhile, wanted to get up and go to her, but knew that this was something he shouldn't be in the middle of. He was there, which would have to be enough when it was done. Whatever Tifa needed, he'd be there for her then.

Side-eying the window, he noted the Reno was loitering out on the steps.

Good.

"Years…" Tifa repeated flatly.

"Yes."

"How many years?"

"At least… eight. Maybe nine."

A statement that only baffled Tifa more, because that was stretching back further than she'd even had Rude on her radar. By a considerable margin.

"You don't… remember the first time we ever met, do you?" he asked, though it was less a question as much as it was a statement of fact that he already knew.

Tifa said nothing, continuing to simply stare at him. But she was paler, a slight tremble echoing from her fingers up her arms.

"I was in infantry back then," he explained. "Stationed for a short period of time manning the sector seven train station. Before I was drafted into the Turk training program."

Still nothing from Tifa, her lips thin and eyes wide.

"There was some kind of scuffle near the station—I don't remember what. You were there. I was trying to get you, and others, out of harm's way. You… yelled at me, when I reached out, and then I… lost you, in the crowd." His words were stilted, forced, but it couldn't be said that he wasn't trying. "I didn't see you again until… until the Sector 7 pillar…"

Cloud gritted his teeth. Probably not the best memory to be bringing up.

"What did I say to you?" Tifa asked after a second. She wasn't stupid, after all, even if she sounded all the more defensive. "At the train station, what did I say to you?"

Rude was silent, instead wavering in place before releasing a huffing breath. He then brought up his arm, turning it to reveal the words printed on his forearm. Words he normally kept covered.

Tifa stared at those words for many long, heavy seconds—" _Don't touch me, Shinra asshole!_ "—before her hands balled into fists at her sides. Not threateningly, but more so with unease.

"I didn't… I didn't tell you sooner because I thought you and Cloud…" Though he was trying, it was clear Rude was having trouble. Words weren't his specialty, after all. Something he and Cloud had in common. "I didn't want to create any sort of wedge—not that I'm trying to do that now. I don't… I don't expect anything out of you. I just… thought you should… know."

Bloated silence followed his words, Tifa staring straight ahead. Not really at Rude—more like she was staring right through him. And while Cloud stayed where he was, there was no longer any reason to feign disinterest. Tifa was pale and her hands were still trembling. Obviously, she knew what Rude was saying, even if she'd had yet to formulate a response.

She did eventually release a shaky breath, before closing her eyes and crossing her arms beneath her breasts.

"You need to leave," she decided, still refusing to even look at Rude.

Rude, who appeared to waver in place only shortly, before he swallowed hard and nodded. Leaving the flowers behind, he turned on his heel and went right back out the door the way he'd come. Cloud watched him the whole way, waiting until the door clicked behind him before rising to his feet.

Slowly, he approached Tifa, before reaching out and laying a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She barely flinched. "You knew?"

"He told me before I went to Junon," he admitted. "He wanted to make sure I was here, before he told you."

"Why didn't he tell me before now?" she practically snapped, even as her words trembled. "He's been working for you for almost a year. Almost a year he's been… coming by and…" And helping without asking. Befriending her. Just… being around her.

"He was under the impression we were in a relationship," Cloud explained. "He didn't want to interfere." After all, they had, in fact, been romantically involved part of the time.

Once again closing her eyes, Tifa took a few deep breaths in through her nose, while Cloud reached up and gently pushed her hair behind her ear.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" she whispered.

"I… I honestly don't know," Cloud admitted. "I'm not exactly a good reference for soulmate stuff." The history shared between them all—between Cloud, Tifa, and all the Turks—didn't exactly help matters either.

Tifa did eventually look up at him. "But you… had your soulmate."

He tried not to wince, instead forcing himself to look away. "Yeah, well, he and I— Zack and I screwed things up plenty." She kept staring at him, imploring him to continue. He didn't want to—it was hard, thinking back that far—but Tifa was hurting and he was all the support she had at the moment.

What he wouldn't give for Zack to be there—he'd be able to deal with this so much better.

"Things with Zack and I were… fast and crazy and we were never thinking about what we were doing. We fought about stupid shit and… We were so young, Tifa, I can't… I don't know what to tell you. My experiences, they're not… helpful." Or even comparable, really, minus the whole "not saying anything when they should have," but that was a pretty insignificant similarity given the differences in their situations.

Turning her gaze aside, Tifa hugged her arms around her middle. "I never… I never thought I'd ever find my soulmate," she admitted quietly. "I don't even… know how to react right now. It's like I'm numb or— Shouldn't I be, I don't know, happy?"

Sighing, Cloud reached up and tugged at the blonde spike growing down along the side of his face. He was trying to figure out what to say—what would be most helpful. But maybe what he thought Tifa wanted to hear didn't matter. All he could really offer was what he knew and hope it was good enough.

"To be honest, I wasn't thrilled at finding my soulmate, way back when," he admitted, which once again drew Tifa's gaze his way. "After what happened with my parents, I was pretty disillusioned about the whole idea."

"Because your father left…" Tifa remembered.

Cloud nodded, forcing himself to continue. "And Zack, when I met him, he was already a First class. I was so intimidated, and scared, and insecure. I was convinced it was all going to end badly."

Swallowing hard, he took a shaky breath and pushed back on the swell of emotion that threatened to upend him. "And it did," he muttered, the knot in his throat growing painfully tight. "It ended… horribly. But I don't—I don't regret it, even though thinking about it so painful sometimes that I feel like I'm never going to be able to… breathe again."

Reaching out, Tifa laid a gentle hand on his arm.

"I don't know what soulmates amount to," he strained to say, once again meeting her gaze with his own. "I've always told myself that the entire premise was foolish, but one of the… heaviest burdens I carry is losing my soulmate. So in the end, all that really matters, I guess, is what you… make of it. What you want to make of it, maybe."

"But I don't know what I want…" she whispered.

"Then tell him that," Cloud replied simply. "Rude's not going to pressure you into anything. You're already friends with him, right?"

"I suppose I am."

"Then leave it at that, if that's all you're ready to deal with. Soulmates don't have to bend to the… 'cultural pressures,' I guess, that everyone says they need to."

"That's true…" Yet she still looked so unsure.

"But," Cloud eventually added, "if you do want to try and make it into something more, then you can't be afraid of that either. There's no shame in finding… happiness."

"But the happier you are, the worse it always is when you inevitably lose."

Cloud frowned. "I know that, in spite of everything we've both been through, you know better than to let fear stop you from doing anything. You deserve to be happy, Tifa. We… We both do."

She smiled weakly up at him. "You know, you've really changed over the years."

"Yeah, well," he shrugged awkwardly, "turns out having your brain fucked with will produce a lot of varying results."

She laughed so softly that it was hardly audible, before she turned into him. Sliding her arms around his back, she settled cheek down on his shoulder and held him tight. While Cloud immediately wrapped his own arms around her, gently stroking her long hair as he did.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For being here."

Leaning his cheek against the top of her head, he held a little tighter. "You know there's really no place I'd rather be."

Despite the fact that life was intent on always leading him elsewhere.

_9 Years Ago_

Zack wasn't entirely sure how long he'd been lying in bed, just staring up at the ceiling. At least an hour, but it was hard to tell the time in the dark of a windowless apartment. Occasionally, he'd flick a glance over at the sleeping body beside his own, before the excited warmth in the pit of his stomach would have him snapping his attention away again.

Even though there was plenty of evidence to support what had happened—the mess, the fact that Zack's pants were still down around his thighs, his own memory—he was still having a hard time believing he'd had sex with Cloud. Like, for real sex, in the middle of the night, after waking up drowsy and turned on, when he was definitely not at his most logical.

It'd just… happened. He'd expected Cloud to express his normal amount of skepticism at Zack's attention, which would have dissolved Zack's late-night bad decisions. But he hadn't, and so Zack had kept going. And going and going. All the fuckin' way.

Which was… fine. The sex itself was fine. A little embarrassing—he definitely hadn't been in top form, like, at all—but Cloud hadn't been any better off so they could just… wallow in their terribleness together, he supposed.

Which was also kind of nice and brought a small smile to his face.

Then again… maybe it wasn't so nice. After all, Zack was pretty certain Cloud was a virgin. Well, had been one. Which meant that Zack should have been better just… all around. Gentler, less frenzied with his own arousal, more attentive to Cloud. But he'd just… felt him up and then stuck it in. Which, again, Cloud hadn't objected to, but still.

He liked to think he usually had a bit more class.

It didn't help that his experience with men was limited. While he strutted around like he was hot stuff, he wasn't exactly a sex expert. Before he'd met Aerith, he'd tested the waters some, but a lot of what he knew he'd learned by being with her. He wasn't exactly a fly by night, partying, one-night stand kind of guy. Sure, he'd had a few fun go-arounds with some strangers on his periodic leaves, but they'd never been overly educational. In fact, the few times he had been with men, there'd been either no penetration involved or he'd been on the receiving end. So yeah, Cloud was the first guy he'd ever pitched to, which made his performance all the more humiliating. He'd been so excited that he'd barely gotten through it.

But on top of that was how ashamed he was by his behavior in general. He was usually a romantic, at least when it came to people he cared about. But there was just… something about Cloud that drove him _crazy_. He was half-hard again just thinking about him, despite all the doubt and embarrassment.

Cloud, who'd just… let it happen.

Ugh, no that made it sound terrible. Sure, Zack had been out of it and horny as fuck, but he'd still asked. He wasn't _that_ kind of asshole.

Which meant that Cloud had been… down for it, really. As down for it as either of them could have been for a sudden, middle-of-the-night fuck with no mental preparation.

Still, Zack was regretful. On multiple levels. The first level being that he'd _known_ Cloud was a virgin and he'd fucked him willy-nilly anyway. He should have taken it slow—really showed Cloud an amazing time. Not… what had happened. If they did it again…

But just that idea brought up the level two regret. That being the fact that he shouldn't have had sex with Cloud in the first place. It made everything that was already so complicated so, so much worse. He'd been anxious about what to do after what had happened in the kitchen, and when Cloud hadn't addressed it, he'd thought maybe they'd move on like it hadn't happened at all. Which had been extremely disappointing, but also for the best.

Yet, this… this wasn't something they could ignore. It meant that Zack was going to have to face—front and center—every fear that had been plaguing him of late.

His soulmate was out there, very close by, but… but Cloud…

Cloud was just…

 _Everything_.

He wanted to explore more of this with Cloud (maybe show him that he was a better lay than this, to start with); he wanted to hold Cloud and hang out with him and stare at him and touch him and fuck him and whisper sweet things in his ear and make him breakfast and make him laugh and comfort him when he was insecure or down. He liked Cloud so much, but…

But what would happen when he met his soulmate? He didn't even know! At the moment, he was having a hard time imagining that anyone could be better than Cloud, which was wholly contradictory because his soulmate was—by purpose and definition—better for him than Cloud. That was the point.

But still… Sure, he and Cloud had had their problems—their friendship wasn't perfect—but he didn't care. The highs made up for any lows by a longshot.

Cloud made him laugh and scattered butterflies in his stomach every time he smiled and cared so much even though he pretended like he didn't and he tried so hard at everything he did. Cloud was shy and passionate and driven and beautiful and Zack loved him so—

Sitting up, he ignored the stretching pain in his chest and back, instead staring wide-eyed across the room as his heart surged up into his throat, bringing with it both excitement and huge, heavy amounts of anxiety.

Was he in love with Cloud?

Just thinking it made his chest explode with butterflies, the pattering of his heart speeding up. Feelings he knew and should have recognized, because he'd been in love before. He'd been in love with Aerith once upon a time. But that had been soft and slow and he'd seen it coming even as it'd happened because he'd done things the right way. He'd taken her out and they'd spent a summer tripping through all the expected steps. First date, first kiss, first time. Sure, they'd fallen out of it—as both of them had known they would—and things had been sad between them for a few months, but it'd all… made sense.

Things with Cloud didn't make sense at all! They just… happened. Zack wasn't trying to fall in love with Cloud. He'd just wanted to help him, and then he'd wanted to be his friend, and then he'd wanted to touch him, and fuck him, and now he…

He loved him.

He was in love with Cloud.

This was so bad. This was so, so bad.

How had this happened? He'd known about his soulmate for weeks—long before he'd fallen in love with Cloud, right?

 _When_ had it even happened?

He didn't know!

But more importantly…

What was he supposed to do about it?

He couldn't… he couldn't be with Cloud, right? Because that wasn't fair—not to Cloud, not to his soulmate, and not to himself. But more importantly than his own potential heartbreak was Cloud's. He wasn't really sure how Cloud felt about him, truth be told, but if he'd been willing to have sex with him, that said something, right? He'd also been taking care of him, and breaking rules to see him, and visiting him almost every day in the hospital.

Cloud… Cloud definitely had to have feelings for him too, right?

Which made this even _worse_!

What was he supposed to say? He couldn't just tell Cloud that, hey, he might be in _love_ with him, but since he had a soulmate around the corner, it was up in the air what that'd actually amount to? He couldn't do that! Besides, Cloud didn't even believe in soulmate stuff by the sounds of it, which meant that Zack's reasoning would sound that much worse. Like he was ultimately choosing his soulmate over Cloud, which he wasn't doing. It was fate that was doing the choosing, not him. He couldn't help fate, right?

But he should have stopped himself loving Cloud. And having sex with him. And, just… adoring him so much.

Groaning, Zack covered his face in his hands as he curled forward. Closing his eyes, he tried to swallow back some of his anxiety, but even then, he could feel it pounding around in his chest like a caged bird.

He was so confused, and upset, and disgusted with himself.

It wasn't supposed to feel like this. And he was supposed to be excited about his soulmate, not… hoping to avoid them.

But he should also be loving Cloud the way he deserved to be loved, if that… if that was what Cloud wanted.

Maybe it _wasn't_ what Cloud wanted, though. Maybe what they'd done had just been some… late-night fun and Cloud didn't view it as a huge deal. Zack had a hard time believing that, but still, there was a chance that was possible?

But that just left him going in circles! Because he didn't _want_ it to be nothing to Cloud—just imagining that hurt so bad he felt it worse than his healing wounds. He wanted Cloud to love him too, even though it was a shitty thing to want.

When…

When had he become such a greedy asshole?

A question he couldn't answer, like all his other questions. All he could do was keep running laps in his head, never finding a solution that would break him out. Over and over and over, feeling worse all the time even as the memory of being with Cloud kept an insatiable flame burning in his gut.

It was all so contradictory—he felt like he was being pulled in a dozen different directions.

What the hell was he supposed to _do_?!

Startling him, his phone began vibrating from where he'd left it under his pillow. Huffing, he kept trying to push back on all the turmoil raging inside him and instead reached out to grab it before it woke Cloud.

Right, he'd set the alarm for 8:45 because he had that meeting at nine with Angeal.

And he was still sitting in bed, shirtless, dick out, and gross. With Cloud sleeping soundly beside him.

Glancing over, he eyed Cloud through the darkness, able to see the way his whole body rose and fell as he breathed. He didn't want to wake him, but he also couldn't risk Cloud waking up while he was in his meeting.

Hesitating just a second longer, he forced himself to reach out and gently touch Cloud's shoulder. Leaning over, he stared down at his peaceful profile, a deep, all encompassing warmth blossoming in his chest. A feeling that grew so expansively and so rapidly that soon he was just… staring down at him, a soft, adoring smile on his face.

That was the problem, wasn't it? That every time he so much as looked at Cloud, all the bad things about what he was doing and feeling just… evaporated. Until he felt light and happy and just…

So in love.

"Cloud," he whispered, gently stroking his shoulder in the hopes that he wouldn't startle him too terribly. When Cloud just kept sleeping, he said his name again, but still, nothing. Which had him chuckling, that warmth in his chest spreading to every part of his body until he was awash with it. Awash with what they'd done, with the fact that Cloud had let him. Just being beside him, he was losing any sense of self-preservation or caution.

The situation was bad, but it… it wasn't bad to love Cloud.

Something this wonderful couldn't be all bad, right?

Leaning lower, he brushed his nose just lightly over Cloud's ear and murmured his name a third time. Before giving in to the irresponsible urges that had led him down this path in the first place. He laid his lips atop Cloud's cheek, gently kissing the soft skin there.

"Wake up, beautiful," he said, any sense of guilt or shame buried by the fact that he could say such a thing at all. By the thrill of it, really.

No wonder they called it falling.

Cloud finally stirred, his eyes squinting a bit against the idea of waking up, before he took in a fast breath and barely turned his face up.

"Zack?" he muttered, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah," Zack replied, still stroking his shoulder. "You don't have to get up, but I need to turn on the light. I've got a meeting in a few minutes with Angeal. I'll turn the monitor toward the kitchen and you can keep sleeping, okay?"

Cloud had cracked one squinty eye open, taking a few long moments to absorb what Zack was telling him. Before he took a deep breath and relaxed his head back into the pillow.

"Okay…" he murmured, his eye closing a second later.

Zack chuckled again, watching him for a few seconds more, before ultimately deciding that it'd be bad to be late when he was already on Angeal's shit list. Careful not to disturb Cloud, he sat up and scooted down to the end of the bed, until he could stretch himself over Cloud's feet and down onto the floor. His chest and back objected, making him cringe, but it could be a lot worse considering he'd partaken in a great deal of strenuous activity that he was supposed to be avoiding.

Once on his feet, he pulled his pants back up to his hips, aware of the fact that he was… very gross and definitely needed to shower. But he didn't have the time at the moment, so he'd just have to settled for what he could get away with.

Going to the door, he turned to face Cloud as he flicked on the light switch, flinching some himself as Cloud grunted and pulled his arm up to cover his eyes. But he stilled after, Zack not really that surprised that he could fall right back to sleep again.

His attention did linger, however. Because Cloud was laying in his bed in a mess of sticky sheets, his pants still pulled down around his thighs. Which gave Zack a view he'd never gotten before, one that had his own dick twitching again.

Cloud wasn't a big guy physically, but that didn't mean he was lacking otherwise. He wasn't huge down there, but he wasn't at all small either. Just right, Zack figured, smiling stupidly to himself as he did.

There was something very… endearing about the way Cloud was laying there. Snoozing away, not a care about anything, the most secret parts of him exposed. It was sweet. Like teeth rottingly sweet in a way that only Zack knew, because no one else had seen Cloud like this.

Jeez, he really was a hopeless romantic. He had to be, to make ass-out Cloud laying in dirty sheets somehow charming.

This was bad. So, so bad.

He was in _deep_.

Tearing his gaze away, he reminded himself of the impending meeting and made his way to his closet. Pulling out a t-shirt, he slipped it on—cringing at the ache in his chest as he did—before going quickly to the bathroom and splashing his face. He then ran his hands through his hair and decided that was good enough, before he made his way to his desk. Picking up his television (he shouldn't, but he did anyway), he set it down beside the desk before pulling up his chair and plopping down. Turning his computer monitor so it was facing the kitchen and very much away from Cloud, he woke up the system before logging into the main Shinra database. He navigated the many menus from there, until he was tapping into Angeal's network.

No one else had logged in yet, so he settled back and turned his attention to staring at Cloud. But it was a short-lived diversion, as there was a dinging that had him snapping to attention less than a minute later, before a screen was popping up on his monitor.

Apparently, he was the only one tapping in digitally, as the screen revealed all three of the generals sitting at a conference table—Angeal on the right, Genesis on the left, and Sephiroth at the center. Offering a rather lazy salute, Zack decided that would be enough.

He was hurt, after all.

Still, Genesis was not impressed, his arms crossing over his chest as he turned the stink eye on Angeal. "Why did we have to wait for him again?" he asked.

Zack frowned.

"Because he was there," Angeal said strictly. "And almost died."

"So did half a dozen infantrymen."

"He knows enough to justify being here," Sephiroth cut in. "So let's just get on with it."

Huffing, Genesis gave in, hand-waving the whole situation aside.

"So what's going on?" Zack asked, sitting intently forward as he did. "No offense, but this all seems a little suspect. This meeting, I mean." Though Zack had known to expect it, it was weird that no one else was present. Sure, Genesis, Sephiroth, and Angeal were the top SOLDIER generals, but they still had someone overseeing them. And from what Angeal had been saying, they were currently challenging that oversight, which meant this was a "private" meeting, so to speak.

"We need to discuss everything that's been going on in lieu of what happened," Sephiroth explained. "There have been other… developments."

Zack's frown deepened.

"Genesis snuck into reactor four," Angeal said straight, staring at Zack through the screen as he did. "Since R&D is refusing to cooperate and no one else is enforcing any investigative measures, we all agreed it was best to see for ourselves."

Which was… surprising. Frankly, it had never occurred to Zack that any of the three generals would need to "sneak" anywhere. He'd always assumed they could just do whatever they wanted. But the fact that Genesis had had to "sneak" in was very telling of just how outside regulation this whole thing was. Which… was shocking, and honestly a little scary. At least for Zack. Slowly, just how serious this was started to sink in. True, Angeal was always preaching to him how important it was that he followed the rules, but this… this was different than him sneaking Cloud up into his apartment. This was… big stuff, though Zack couldn't place in that moment just _how_ big.

"Did you find anything?" Zack dared to ask.

"I found exactly what we all assumed we'd find," Genesis snapped. "Monsters. In cages. All of them being tested on and who knows what the hell else. And some of them were a lot fucking worse than what you guys encountered below the plate."

Zack was gaping. "How… How is that allowed?"

"Hojo has the president under his thumb," Sephiroth replied. "He gets away with whatever he wants, wholly unchecked or policed."

"Hollander too," Genesis added.

"Okay…" Zack sat back, feeling acutely uncomfortable. "So what does that mean?"

Sitting forward, Angeal twined his fingers together before leaning them against his forehead. Eyes closed, he sighed.

"It means that something is going on that no one is telling us," Sephiroth said.

"Okay… but how…?" Zack couldn't wrap his head around it. How could people like Sephiroth and Angeal, and Genesis, not… know things?

"It means that there are plenty of things they might not be telling us," Genesis snapped, his attention flicking to Angeal. "I told you. I told you when that last assault on Wutai was ordered that it didn't make any sense. We'd already signed the treaty, so who were we supposed to be burning out?"

"Gen, those things aren't related," Angeal replied, sounding very tired.

"Yes, they are!" Genesis said harshly, his hands slamming down atop the table as he did. "Don't you get it? It means that anything Shinra has been feeding us could be complete shit! It means that—that—"

"We don't know that," Sephiroth cut in strictly.

"There could be a totally rational explanation for all of this," Angeal said.

"For what?!" Genesis asked. "They're keeping dangerous, enhanced monsters inside the city! The city that we're supposed to be protecting! And none of them seem to care!"

"Genesis—"

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down," he said harshly, pointing directly at Angeal as he did. "We didn't hike across the goddamn world to fight in a war, defending Shinra and the people _they're_ supposed to be protecting, so that they could turn around and do shit like this."

"There's always been some underhanded stuff going on," Angeal reasoned. "We knew that from the beginning."

"This isn't just underhanded, Angeal. This is fucked up. So fucked up that I don't get how you two don't seem to realize it. They're experimenting on monsters and, most importantly, hiding it. Or trying to, in plain sight. There's the fact that it's disgusting in the first place, but I'm more upset that no one will tell us anything about it."

A point that kept both Angeal and Sephiroth quiet.

"Why can't they tell us? We're supposed to be Shinra's top generals—that's supposed to _mean_ something. That when something is off and we ask, we're told the truth. And if they're refusing to do that, then who knows what else they haven't been telling us."

Taking a deep breath, Sephiroth reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I know that we swore loyalty to Shinra just by signing up for the SOLDIER project, but I think we've earned a little transparency. And if there's something going on that they're refusing to tell us, then that begs the question of why."

"Maybe we don't need to know," Angeal replied.

Genesis growled. "That's bullshit and you know it. You two may be content to turn a blind eye and 'do your jobs,' but I didn't kill hundreds of people so that some corporate asshole who's never even seen a battlefield can put the people I was protecting in danger. And for what? What could they possibly get out of this that justifies what I found in that reactor?"

Neither of them had anything to say, nor did Zack, who was feeling acutely chilled listening to them talk.

"Don't you know what this makes us?" Genesis asked. "It makes us pawns. It means we've been dressed up as heroes and—"

"Wutai had to be dealt with, Genesis," Angeal said darkly. "You know that."

"Do I? What proof do we have that Wutai were even the aggressors? We weren't generals when we were first sent over there, something both of you tend to forget. We were just SOLDIERS. It wasn't until halfway through that you were even promoted," he gestured to Sephiroth. "And you and I didn't get our promotions until the war ended." He was looking at Angeal again. "We didn't know shit! And then we get back and there's all this pomp and circumstance about how great we are and how we're so important. But now that there's something _actually_ important happening, we're shut out. Like children!"

"All orders we received," Angeal started again, sounding like he was trying too hard to stay calm, "were based on intelligence, which—"

"Intelligence from where?!" Genesis practically shouted, which had Sephiroth sitting back in his seat and looking very annoyed. "The Turks? Because that's a real reliable source."

"It's not about the source, it's about what's made of the information found," Angeal growled. "We can't question that intelligence—it's not our job."

"Well, I think we should be able to question it," Genesis rebuked. "We're the ones out there taking lives, ordering others to take lives and asking them to put their own lives on the line. I think we have every right to question it."

"Well, Shinra doesn't feel that way," Sephiroth cut in, his voice like steel.

"What do you mean?" Zack asked.

Sephiroth took a deep breath. "I questioned Heidegger after the last board meeting. The gist of what he said was that the issue of Hojo, Hollander, and the reactors was above our paygrade." He looked directly at Genesis. "And that it wouldn't be necessary for us to attend any future board meetings without invitation to do so."

A claim that had both Angeal and Genesis gaping, while Zack found that his heart was beating fast and hard in his chest.

This… This was something really bad, wasn't it?

The silence that followed was so heavy that Zack nearly jumped out of his skin when the sound of Cloud quietly sitting up hit his sensitive ears. Flicking his attention over, he saw that Cloud was watching him. He'd pulled his pants up to cover his body, his expression serious as he met Zack's gaze.

"He was telling us to stay in line," Genesis said, Zack flicking his attention back to the monitor. "To be good little SOLDIERS that they can parade about as they see fit, but otherwise expected to keep our mouths shut."

"Maybe that's what we should do," Angeal replied. "Maybe… Maybe that _is_ our job."

Genesis scoffed. "So, what? We're just mindless drones they can order around however they want?"

Angeal sighed.

"I don't know about you two," Genesis hissed then, "but I actually like to know who it is I'm _killing_ for and why."

"Killing was always part of the deal," Sephiroth said strictly. "You knew that when you joined SOLDIER, so I don't know why you're acting like you didn't."

"I thought I was fighting for a just cause," Genesis countered. "Don't act like you weren't just as blinded by the propaganda back then as I was. Shinra, the great company that's providing a generous life for every boy and girl. Shinra, the protectors of the people. Shinra, who is unwilling to bend to the savages who would see our way of life destroyed out of greed for 'what we have.' I was happy to join up when I thought I was protecting something valuable."

"You were," Angeal corrected.

"You don't _know_ that," Genesis practically pleaded, as if he was willing them to understand. "What if we're the greedy ones? We hear about it all the time, the mako levels. How they're having to dig deeper to get to it. The area outside of Midgar is a wasteland now—it wasn't like that when we first joined up. And the monsters—they're getting stronger all the time. That's why the SOLDIER project was started—some bullshit about needing stronger men to protect our growing community. But we know it was because of the increases in monster attacks and because of the 'supposed' threat from Wutai."

"You need to be careful," Sephiroth warned. "It sounds like you're sympathizing with the eco-terrorists."

"Maybe I am," Genesis dared to say, which had Sephiroth and Angeal looking between one another guardedly. "Something is wrong and you two are idiots if you don't see it. I mean, c'mon, don't you get what this whole monster experimentation thing means? For us?"

A question that earned him silence.

"We didn't question the SOLDIER project when it first started because we were young and stupid and thought we were doing the 'right thing' in fighting for Shinra. But how did they even come up with the SOLDIER process? We know Hojo, Hollander, and Gast were behind it, but we never knew anything more than that. How… How do you think they figured out what would work? They had to start somewhere and considering how badly mako can mess with a person, I'm doubting it was foolproof from the start."

"You're getting into dangerous territory, Genesis," Angeal said darkly. "Be careful."

"It's only dangerous because you know that if I'm right, it destroys every ideal that you live by," Genesis hissed. "But choosing to be ignorant doesn't make the problem go away."

"You're making a lot of broad accusations," Angeal replied. "With no proof for any of them. You may think I'm blind, but I would challenge you to keep your head until you know the facts."

"How are we supposed to know the facts if they don't _tell us_!"

"We were all accepting of you sneaking into the reactor," Sephiroth pointed out, starting to grow a bit short-tempered. "Just because we're not jumping onto your hysterical theories doesn't mean we don't want to still know what's going on."

A point that did finally silence Genesis. He didn't look happy about it, but he did sit back in his seat and keep his mouth shut.

"Hojo's not an idiot," Sephiroth continued after another heavy beat of silence. "If he's doing anything truly underhanded—whether he has the president's blessing or not—he's not going to keep it as close as the reactors in the city. He'd hide the worst of his activities somewhere else."

"Where?" Zack asked, despite the fact that Sephiroth was likely to continue.

"Reactors outside of Midgar, perhaps," he explained. "Or maybe even secret bunkers, laboratories, that sort of thing. The president has always been very generous with funding for the R&D department and never enacted any sort of policing of them. And if there's one thing I know Hojo is, it's paranoid. It's half the reason he and Hollander don't get along. Because he's unwilling to be fully open about what he's thinking and doing.

"But there are benefits to that," Sephiroth continued. "Because of his secretive nature, no one else on the board has any idea what he's up to half the time. So while Heidegger may have enough forethought to try and shut us up, he's not going to be so concerned as to get involved in our daily activities, assignments, or general movements."

"Which means we can investigate without them thinking twice about what we're doing," Genesis established flatly.

"Exactly," Angeal agreed. "But that only works if _you_ keep yourself under control."

His words resulted in a scowl from Genesis, but he didn't object either.

"There have been reports of strong monster threats around the Banora reactor area," Sephiroth explained. "They've already requested aid. And seeing as the two of you grew up in Banora, it wouldn't be suspicious for you both to go with the assigned team. You have family there—it makes sense."

"Which gives us the opportunity to investigate the reactor," Angeal established.

Genesis clicked his tongue, but acquiesced. "Fine. We'll do this your way. For now."

The three of them shared a look, as if coming to a final, silent agreement, before Genesis turned abruptly to the monitor. "You'd better keep your mouth shut about what you've heard."

"Genesis—"

Zack cut Angeal off. "I'll do what Angeal tells me to do," he made perfectly clear. "And for now, that puts me in your confidence. Good enough?" He was uneasy about everything he'd heard, but he wasn't about to be pushed around either. General or not.

Genesis eyed him for a few seconds, before he turned to Angeal. "You were right about him, by the looks of it."

A statement that did little more than confuse Zack, but that wasn't expanded upon.

"I'll transfer the Banora orders to both of you this afternoon," Sephiroth said. "See to it that you're discreet."

The meeting was "adjourned" shortly after, Angeal remaining seated before the camera even as Genesis and Sephiroth exited. Likely waiting until they'd cleared the room, he then turned back to Zack.

"I didn't bring you in on this meeting just because you were there or because of what you already knew," he started. "R&D has been extremely cryptic and touchy about what happened. They've done interviews of almost everyone that was present, but haven't been able to get to you because of your condition. But they _will_. And if you say too much—"

"I won't," Zack said darkly.

"I'm serious, Zack. Not for our sakes, but for yours. I'm not as blind as Genesis wants to think I am. I'm just… hoping this isn't as bad as it could be. The point I'm making is that I know how you feel about all this, but it would be better to act as none-invested and unconcerned as possible. Use your reputation to your advantage."

His reputation for being a thoughtless puppy, Angeal meant. Truth be told, very few people knew Zack well enough to realize he was at least a little more on top of things than he acted. Angeal was one of them, Aerith too, and Cloud he supposed. Most of the other SOLDIERS knew him as Angeal's gifted little protégé, happy to do whatever his mentor told him. They'd probably be shocked if they knew how much trouble he'd gotten into over the years.

"What are they even going to accomplish by interviewing everyone who was there?" he asked.

"They're just trying to cover their asses," Angeal replied. "Anyone who they think might suspect or know something more, well, let's just say it could get complicated."

 _Complicated_? What did that mean?

"Angeal…" Zack chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second. "What if what Genesis was saying is true?"

Taking a deep breath, Angeal stared down at the table for a few seconds, before turning his attention back up to answer. "I don't think it is," he replied. "Hojo, Hollander, their moral compasses can be a bit skewed at times, but I don't think… I _hope_ they won't have gone that far.

"Yeah…" Zack wanted to believe him, but an uneasy weight was forming his gut. "You're probably right…"

"Just focus on getting better, Zack," Angeal said strictly. "Genesis, Sephiroth, and I will get this straightened out."

Nodding, Zack took some small comfort in that, before he and Angeal said their farewells. Once the monitor was cleared, he sat back in his chair, his fingers twisting his lips thoughtfully.

Truth be told, he didn't know what to make of most everything that had been said, especially concerning Wutai. But Genesis' sense of suspicion had translated nonetheless. Sephiroth's too, though he'd been less aggressive about it. And the fact that Angeal was suspicious at all spoke volumes. Once again, Zack was stuck questioning everything, which he supposed made it a bit easier to understand where Genesis was coming from. He was upset too, that he'd signed up to work for a company that was actively endangering the people they claimed to be protecting. And now that this fact was verified, Zack was left feeling…

Very lost. He'd never questioned SOLDIER before, or even Shinra's motives. He'd had the privilege of Angeal to guide him, which had sent him straight to his dreams without questions having to be asked. But if Shinra was really doing such dangerous things behind the scenes, what did that say about him and his supposed loyalty? And, worse, if Genesis was right—if it was really as bad as he was saying it could be—what was Zack supposed to do? He'd wanted to ask Angeal what _he'd_ do, but the fear of his answer had stopped him. The same fear that had him twisting his lip until it was painful, because he didn't want to entertain where that would leave him.

SOLDIER, Shinra, they were his life. This dinky apartment was his home. And if Shinra was really that bad, then he couldn't just… do nothing… right?

"Hey…" Jolting, Zack glanced up at the feeling of a hand running through his hair, his attention landing on Cloud. He'd moved from the bed and was standing beside him, concern lacing his expression. "You okay?" he asked, his tone gentle.

"Uh, yeah, I'm just…" He rubbed at his temple. "There's a lot I gotta think about, I guess."

"Sounds like it."

"You can't repeat anything you heard here," he said then, perhaps sounding a little stricter than he needed to. But the mere notion of Cloud accidentally revealing anything had his heart skipping. He didn't want to think about how that would end.

Which… should be telling as to how he really felt about Shinra, shouldn't it?

"I know," Cloud replied. "I won't say anything to anyone."

Zack nodded, closing his eyes a second later. He could feel it, a headache coming on.

"Did R&D interview you?" he asked after another pause, once again peering up at Cloud. "You were there."

"They did, but it wasn't anything terrible. I just told them what happened, same as everyone else."

Zack nodded, before releasing a deep sigh. Cloud's hand was still in his hair, his fingers sifting through the strands, which eventually lured Zack in. Leaning forward, he turned his chair just enough to situate himself in front of Cloud, before he reached up and wrapped his arms around his waist. He then pushed forward, burying his face in Cloud's torso. At which point he took a deep breath, taking considerable comfort in the way Cloud placed both his hands in his hair, continuing to gently brush his fingers through. He didn't say anything, didn't ask questions, didn't pose questions, he just… let Zack anchor himself there.

Because even though Zack was uncertain where things were going with Cloud, and his career, and everything in general at the moment, he at least knew that Cloud was there. He was there and he was dependable and he cared. Which went a long way in alleviating much of Zack's stress, if only because it meant he wasn't totally alone. Cloud wasn't SOLDIER, but he knew what was going on. Which was stressful, but also nice. Zack couldn't relate to the generals—not even Angeal—the way he could Cloud. It was soothing, having someone in his corner, even if he knew it'd be better if he wasn't.

He felt… peaceful with Cloud. Everything else in his world was uncertain at the moment, but he felt confident in Cloud. In the fact that Cloud, at the very least, cared a great deal about him, which was leaps and bounds ahead of the people he was working for, apparently. And unlike Shinra, Cloud wasn't lying or hiding things or, just, withholding crucial information that could potentially alter his entire worldview.

Cloud was just Cloud, and he was good, and Zack loved him. Sure, they had a lot they needed to talk about, but for just a few minutes, this was enough.

It was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo I hope this chapter wasn't disappointing for people, lol. More focus on the plot than personal stuff, at least in the past, but we got to tie these things together at some point. Anyway, I hope it was interesting. This story honestly moves so slow, lol. Well, actually, I'm just not exercising any restraint as far as the pace, so that's on me, hahahaha! Everything I write is always so long, excuse me while I go cry. 
> 
> That thought by Zack at the end tho, you know the one I'm talking about. Things are gonna get m e s s y. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--to hear me squawk about this story and other stupid stuff.


	17. Chapter 17

_Present Day_

Zack had never been to Cosmo Canyon before. He knew it was one of the few city-states that had rebutted Shinra's influence, managing to retain their independence. And Aerith had once mentioned to him that she'd heard it was known to be a spiritually charged place—that the people there kept their focus on the planet and retaining a connection to it.

Aside from those few things, however, Zack had no idea what to expect as he and Vincent rounded a bend in the ruddy-colored cliffs that opened up to reveal a city propped high above them. It sat stretching up toward the burning sunset, the moon hanging heavy atop the cliff-sprawled houses. He could see windmills circling in the dry breeze, yellow lights flicking on even as they approached through the late evening.

"I'm kind of… surprised," Zack admitted, continuing to stare as the van climbed the steep hill that was leading them ever-closer to the city.

Vincent didn't offer a response aside from a quick look in his direction.

"It's smaller than I would have imagined for a city that Shinra never occupied," Zack continued.

"Cosmo Canyon was never in need of Shinra's resources," Vincent explained. "The windmills power the city, so mako never held much value. And the people are well-versed in guerilla combat that takes advantage of the difficult terrain. That aside, very little exists in the way of easily accessible mako, so it was never really worth much of a fight."

Zack hummed in understanding, ever-focused on the rising city. Truth be told, being able to go to new places and see new things had been one of the better parts of his job as a SOLDIER. Sure, there'd inevitably been conflict wherever he'd been going, but as someone who was quite fond of chopping up monsters, that had never much bothered him.

Within a few minutes, Vincent was pulling the van up into a drive that took them under a rocky outcropping, one that then opened up a few seconds later into the base of the sky-reaching city. It was just a short drive from there, before Vincent was parking them outside an old, stalky building with a green fabric roof.

"They don't get much rain or weather here, do they?" Zack asked.

"No. The cliffs offer considerable natural protection. And when it does rain, the buildings are designed so it all runs off."

Water-proof fabric roofs, then.

"Is this, like, the SDS hub?" Zack asked, gesturing to the stark building.

"I suppose you could say that," was all Vincent said, before he was pushing open the van door and hopping out.

Taking that as his cue, Zack did the same, his boot fluffing up red dust as he hit the dirt.

Vincent was at the back of the van and, not wanting to be rude, Zack headed back as well, once he'd retrieved his sword and equipped it to his back.

"Uh, well, I guess this is it," he said, Vincent pausing in his box sorting to cast him a slow-blinking look. "I really appreciate the lift. Both of them, to Nibelheim and to here. I hope I wasn't too obnoxious for you."

Vincent took a moment to answer. "Yuffie claims to be my best friend, so I fancy my obnoxious tolerance is quite high."

Zack chuckled. "It'd have to be." A pause stretched between them, Zack wondering if he should hold out his hand for a shake, before deciding that didn't seem like something Vincent would appreciate. "I guess I'll be off, then," he eventually settled for saying.

"I hope you find what you're looking for," Vincent replied.

"Thanks, man, I appreciate that." He offered him a small smile and would have turned away had he not been struck by a sudden question. "Uh, do you know if there's a hospital here, by any chance?"

Vincent's eyes narrowed just slightly. "There may be one on the second level," he said. "On the east side, perhaps."

"Awesome!" Zack pumped his fist. "Thanks again," he added lastly, before deciding it was better to just turn and head off than try to partake in another awkward farewell. He could feel Vincent's heavy gaze on his back as he headed by the van, but ignored it easily enough. Until he was rounding the side of the SDS hub, thus taking him out of Vincent's line of sight.

Which was a relief, if only because Vincent was a bit too difficult to try and make conversation with. He also possessed a certain scrutiny in his gaze that had made him challenging to get comfortable around. Like he was constantly reading Zack no matter how hard he'd tried to remain casual.

In any case, he'd probably never see the guy again, so it was best to just move on.

Cosmo Canyon was a bustling place, as it would turn out. Once he'd left the aisle of back buildings behind, he found himself walking up on what he assumed was the city square. There were people out and about walking everywhere, a plethora of stalky buildings lining the entire perimeter. Compared to some of the higher buildings, those closest were fairly new in make, which meant that much of this crowd was the result of recent editions.

It was easy enough to pick out the locals as well, as they had a more medium-toned complexion and were swathed in what Zack assumed was traditional dress for the area. A lot of earthy tones, leathers, and beaded accessories. Those otherwise appeared to come from all walks of life, many of them donning hiking gear. Zack might have assumed that was the main tourist attraction of the place, had a large, wooden sign outside a particularly large building not caught his eye.

"The WAE Planetary Lecture Hall," he read. "So this is some kind of educational facility?" Tapping his chin thoughtfully, he took in a few more clues that supported the theory, that being a bookstore nearby with related texts and a pamphlet that advertised the available activities for the summer. He flipped through it only quickly before placing it back in the display where he'd found it, before he grabbed the attention of someone passing close behind him.

"Excuse me," he said, hoping his friendly smile would help dissipate any unease anyone might feel at being approached by him. He was a very tall, very muscular guy with mako eyes and a giant sword, after all.

The young woman came to a stop, a book on constellations held in her hands as she peered up at him.

"Can you direct me to the hospital?"

She cocked her head thoughtfully, before gesturing to a set of spiral stairs on the other side of the square, which appeared to lead up to the second level of the city.

"Thanks a lot," Zack replied, not bothered by her quiet attitude as he offered a friendly wave and headed off.

Careful not to bump anyone on his way, he made it past the stone dais at the center of the square, which had a fire burning brightly atop it, before eventually making it to the old wooden stairs. Skipping his way up, he offered an apologetic nod to a man he almost tripped over at the top, before continuing on. He asked a few more passerbys for directions, eventually finding his way into a large conglomerate of hallways carving their way into the cliff side.

"Desk on the right, desk on the right," he muttered to himself, eventually finding the check-in counter he'd been told about previously.

He offered the nurse sitting behind it the same explanation he'd used at every town so far, a little disappointed when she verified that no one currently there fit the description he'd relayed. Much as the mayor had in Nibelheim, however, she mentioned Healen.

Perhaps this mako treatment facility would offer him some leads.

He asked her about it for a few minutes afterward, learning that it was located on the other continent some ways west of Edge. Or Midgar, however one wanted to phrase it. He was just about to thank her for her time and move on to planning his next move, when one of the coolest things he'd ever seen caught his attention.

Decked out in golden bangles and colorful feathers, Zack had a hard time deciding whether it was a very large cat or a very red dog. It had a long, mohawk-like mane bordering its neck and very, very sharp claws flexing from its toes as it walked. Toned muscles rippled across its body with every step and the end of its long tail was legitimately made of fire. Black tattoos stained the hair on varying parts of its legs and shoulders, while its right eye was sewed shut by an old scar.

Despite the fact that this thing could probably rip anyone present a whole plethora of new holes, no one around was at all bothered by its stalking presence. Most didn't even spare it a single look. It just… walked through the tunnel like doing so was totally normal, clearly headed off to some other branching part of the city.

Zack couldn't help staring, however, his mouth having fallen open some as he watched. Which meant he was still staring when the large cat-dog came to a sudden halt, stuck its nose up into the air to sniff, and twitched one golden eye his way. It stared, sniffing once again before suddenly turning and walking directly at him.

"Oh shit," Zack muttered, immediately backing away. Which earned him a curious look from the nurse, especially when he reached back and grabbed the handle of his sword. Yet, despite the fact that he was soon bumping into the nearby stone wall, the creature kept coming. Closer and closer, until only about a meter remained between them. Here, it stopped, which was probably for the best, as Zack was on the verge of drawing his weapon.

Sniffing at him again, it eventually sat down, head cocking curiously to the side as it watched him.

"Who are you?" it asked a second later.

Zack was sure his eyes were the size of saucers. "Holy shit, it can talk," he whispered.

And while Zack was no expert in dog-cat expressions, he almost wanted to say the thing appeared amused by his reaction.

"I apologize," it—he?—said a second later. "You must have only recently arrived. I am Nanaki, and this city is the home of my ancestors."

"You're… ancestors…"

"Yes."

Zack blinked a few times, trying to gather his thoughts, before eventually deciding that, while this was definitely in his top ten weirdest experiences, this creature likely wasn't a threat to him. It wasn't acting in any way antagonistic and spoke with more eloquence than he ever did.

Releasing the hold he'd had on his sword, he instead crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you?" he settled for asking.

"A very rude question," Nanaki replied, though his tone didn't exactly sound offended.

"Ah, sorry," Zack said. "I'm just surprised. I've never talked to… something like you…before."

"I am what you see before you, nothing more," Nanaki replied, before once more sniffing the air. "You, on the other hand, smell most curiously."

"Oh, do I?" Zack asked, sniffing experimentally at his armpit. "I haven't had a shower in a while. Sorry."

"I'm not referring to your human body odor. It's… something else." He sniffed the air yet again. "Underneath all the mako and Jenova cells and Vincent Valentine, it's… her."

Wow, this thing could get a read off of him that quickly? Could literally sniff out the fact that he was a SOLDIER?

Neat.

"Oh, uh, yeah, Vincent gave me a ride into town," he explained. "You know him?"

"We're old friends," Nanaki replied.

"Oh, huh, small world."

Nanaki's single eye narrowed. "Indeed. Tell me, why do you carry the scent of Aerith Gainsborough?"

It was a question Zack definitely hadn't been expecting, one that left him gaping as he struggled to try and find an answer. An answer that wouldn't reveal any of his own secrets or give away any leads that could make it easier to track him down. Granted, this… thing didn't exactly scream Shinra, but he wasn't about to start spouting off carelessly either.

"Why?" he settled for saying. "Do _you_ know her?"

It was a response that did not please Nanaki. "I knew her, yes," he eventually admitted, his voice a little more defensive. "Now do me the courtesy of answering my initial question."

Zack pursed his lips, but supposed that simply talking about knowing Aerith wasn't likely to hurt anything. "Aerith is one of my best friends. We've known each other for years."

Nanaki cocked his head again. "I don't recall her ever talking about you. What is your name?"

"Uh… Zack…" He did very poorly in hiding his discomfort.

"No, I don't remember her ever mentioning you," Nanaki repeated. "How very interesting."

"Oh, well… we go way back." If he included all the time he'd been a prisoner and wherever else, then that made it… "We met some twelve years ago, give or take."

Nanaki hummed. "Even so, that doesn't explain why her scent lingers on your person."

"Oh, huh. Yeah, I guess I can't help ya there."

"Are you in possession of something that belonged to her?"

Zack frowned. "No, don't think so."

Yet Nanaki didn't appear the least bit convinced. He did, however, stand, before making his way closer again. And while Zack was properly alarmed, he didn't reach for his sword this time, instead remaining stock-still as Nanaki circled him, sniffing and sniffing until he eventually came to a stop with his nose shoved close to the bottom of Zack's bag.

"You're carrying her scent in your pack," he said simply.

It was a claim that made Zack just as curious, lips once again pulling into a frown as he slid his bag off his shoulder. Side-stepping to a nearby bench, he dropped his bag before beginning to rummage through it. He pulled out his meager supplies—food, a few items, a couple of bandages. Until the bag was empty, after which he held it out for Nanaki to inspect. Perhaps more so to make a point.

"There's a hidden pocket," Nanaki said simply, once again sitting back.

Frowning even more severely, Zack debated for some heavy seconds before deciding there was little to lose in taking out the ribbon and materia. The worst that could happen was that Nanaki would steal them, which would suck because he'd grown kind of attached, but it also wasn't like he was going to be wearing the ribbon any time soon. And he still hadn't figured out how to use the strange materia.

Reaching in, he dug out what remained of his meager possessions, before holding out the ribbon-wrapped materia.

The sight of it had Nanaki's eye going wide, his nose sniffing at the ribbon before he physically shied back.

"Where did you get that?" he growled out, sounding far less accommodating now. "And what's inside it?"

"Uh, well, it's kind of a weird story," Zack replied, starting to become a bit defensive as well. Still, he did reach out and unwrap the materia, which had Nanaki's eye going wide all over again, before his lips quite literally pulled back into a snarl.

"Did you fish these out of the water?" he hissed, his hackles visibly rising as he glared.

"What are you talking about?" Zack asked, shying back in response.

"The pool in the Forgotten City," Nanaki snapped. "Did you rob her of them?"

"The hell?" Zack had no idea what he was talking about. "Look, I don't know what you think I did, but I found these in Gongaga."

Nanaki did not look convinced. "Explain further."

Zack almost said no. Almost. But… he was honestly curious. He had no idea what this materia did, and if the ribbon really did smell like Aerith, well, that was definitely weird.

"Look," Zack started, his voice a little quieter now. He didn't want to be overheard. "I woke up in the forest near Gongaga a while ago. And when I did, I found this materia wrapped in this ribbon. So… I've just been carrying it around with me. Like a good luck charm or something, I don't know."

Nanaki's gaze turned critical. "You speak of Gongaga as though you had not intended to fall asleep there in the first place."

Zack took a huffing breath. Well… might as well keep talking. "Look, I honestly don't have a lot of answers to give you. Before I woke up there, I was near Midgar. And if what people have been saying is true, about four years have passed between whenever it is I fell asleep and when I woke up. So… I don't really know what to tell you."

The longer he'd talked, the more of Nanaki's aggression faded in favor of returning curiosity.

"Then you don't know the significance of the materia you carry?" he asked.

Zack blinked owlishly. "I got no idea," he admitted. "I can't use it and it's not a color I recognize."

They fell silent, Nanaki continuing to stare up at him for a few heavy moments, Zack doing much the same. Until Nanaki finally got back on his feet and turned away, his tail nearly whipping Zack across the legs.

"Come with me," he said, before stalking off down the tunnel.

"Hey, wait a second!" Zack called after, but was subsequently ignored. Swearing some under his breath, he quickly stuffed all his possessions into his bag before slinging it back over his shoulder and jogging after Nanaki, whose fiery tail was vanishing around a corner.

It took him only a second to catch up, Zack once again frowning as he trailed Nanaki through the compound. They headed up at least three flights of shallow stairs before they were suddenly back outside. They were on a small outcropping that overlooked the city, a view Nanaki completely ignored as he continued up another steeper set of stairs leading along the side of the cliff.

Continuing to keep pace with him, Zack soon found himself at the very peak of the city, a single, larger building standing up before him. This one was different than the rest, however, as it was domed and made of metal. A cylindrical, metal limb was protruding from the top of it, though Zack couldn't say he had any idea why.

"This is my grandfather's house," Nanaki explained as he headed for the door. "Come inside. I wish to speak with you more." He moved on like he expected Zack would follow without objection. If he noticed the way Zack hesitated, he didn't react, instead disappearing inside as Zack weighed the pros and cons of following a strange talking cat-dog around.

In the end, his own curiosity got the better of him. Taking a deep, preparatory breath, he steeled himself for whatever it was he was getting himself into and headed in through the front door.

What greeted him was… a human house.

Or so it looked based on the furnishings. It was small and definitely not set up for a quadruped without opposable thumbs. There was a dining table and matching stools, a fridge and other kitchen necessities, as well as a few tables and storage barrels. There were stairs tucked away to the right, leading up, and a closed door beside them. It was… very ordinary, and not at all what Zack might have imagined the house of a cat-dog to be like. Or a cat-dog's grandfather, in any case.

"Please, take a seat," Nanaki said, nodding to the stools surrounding the table.

"Er, alright…" Zack muttered and headed over. He removed his sword before he sat down, making sure it was safely leaning up against the wall.

"That's a curious sword you carry," Nanaki said as he hopped up onto a stool across from him.

"Oh, uh, it belonged to… my mentor."

Nanaki stared at the sword for some seconds longer, before eventually turning his attention more fully to Zack. "That materia you're carrying, you don't know what it is?"

Zack was tapping his fingers on the tabletop. "I don't," he admitted. "I can't use it and I don't recognize it's color."

"It's the white materia, holy," Nanaki said simply, a claim that startled Zack some. "One of the most powerful materia. No ordinary person can use it, nor would an ordinary person normally be carrying it around as a good luck charm."

"Holy?"

"Indeed. Which is why I'm so perplexed as to how you've come to possess it. Last I was aware, it'd been… abandoned. In the Forgotten City of the Ancients."

"Ancients?" Zack asked. "Ancients like…"

"Like Aerith, who was the last of the Cetra."

"Right, like—wait." Zack's heart physically stopped in his chest, his mouth going dry. "What do you mean 'was?'"

A question that earned him silence. Silence that grew heavier with tension as the seconds slowly ticked by. Zack could feel it, the bloating dread that expanded with every breath he took. The potentials were crowding around outside his thoughts, but he kept them locked out, eyes trained on Nanaki as he awaited absolutely any answer to his question.

It was an answer that came slowly. Nanaki was watching him, his gaze critical and expression hard to read. Which in no way offered any sort of comfort, Zack's insides already beginning to shrink and shrivel at what was becoming an inevitable explanation.

"If what you claim is true," Nanaki eventually started, his words careful, "and you truly were an intimate friend of Aerith's, then I am… most bereaved to tell you that she is… dead."

 _Dead_. The word hit Zack like a truck, his whole body crumpling as his breath was stolen right out of his lungs. It felt like someone had reached inside him and was strangling his insides, his hand instinctively coming up to grip at his shirt just below his throat.

"Are you sure?" he managed to whisper out, voice trembling.

"Yes." Nanaki nodded. "I was there, when it happened. Some years ago now."

Swallowing back the tide of emotion that wanted to upend him, his hand tightened some around the base of his neck, his anxiety threatening to spike alongside the dizzy spinning in his head.

"What happened?" he managed to choke out.

Nanaki was hesitant, grief flashing through his own expression, before he took a heavy, steadying breath. "She was praying in the Forgotten City, in order to use the very materia you now carry. She succeeded, but… was murdered shortly after. By Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth?" Zack growled out, a flame of anger sparking at the base of his growing grief.

Nanaki's single eye narrowed critically. "Are you unaware of what happened? I was under the impression that much of this was common knowledge."

Zack turned away, continuing to fist his shirt in his hand even as his throat continued to choke on his anguish. "I've been… off the grid for… years…"

Nanaki nodded once. "Right, that's what you said. Sephiroth wanted to call meteor to destroy the planet and perceived Aerith as a threat."

"The meteor that destroyed Midgar," Zack muttered.

"Yes. We couldn't stop Sephiroth from calling meteor, nor could he stop Aerith from calling holy. But his… influence was initially blocking the white materia's power, and so meteor was too close to the planet by the time we managed to defeat him. Holy attempted to intervene despite it being too late, but it was ultimately the planet itself that fought back to prevent further catastrophe. It was… Aerith. She summoned the lifestream in order to save us. To save the world."

Zack had glanced back up at him. "Aerith did that?" he murmured, his voice thin and hollow. "But she… she was always so… afraid to leave Midgar. Afraid of who she really was."

"In times of tragedy, we oftentimes find strength we didn't know we had. Aerith… I think she knew when she went off on her own that her time on this planet was coming to an end. Like so many of us, she had to accept her place in the narrative the planet was trying to salvage. Sephiroth, Jenova, they're an infection in this world, one that has resulted in much pain and sacrifice in order to combat."

Which sounded "reasonable," maybe, but didn't ease the gaping, raw, exposed heartache that was spreading to every part of Zack's body.

If he was to believe what he'd been told, then that meant one of his best friends—one of his most precious people—was gone. It was something that, quite frankly, he hadn't even entertained. He knew, rationally, that the world he currently found himself in was totally different from the one he'd left behind. But with his focus on Cloud and lack of concern for everything else, it'd been easy to ignore. Easier, really, then somehow trying to wrap his head around everything he'd missed.

So long as he eventually found Cloud, then everything would be okay. Or so he'd told himself over and over again. Once he succeeded, they could pick up where they'd left off. Where he'd left off, really, which wasn't in a world where Aerith was dead.

This lone reality called into question every safety net he'd been unconsciously covering himself with since he'd woken up in Gongaga. His parents were alive and well—perfect. Find Cloud, figure out a way to make money, live under the radar. Maybe reconnect with Aerith, or even Angeal.

Angeal… Shinra was gone, or so he'd been told over and over and over again. Midgar too. His home, everyone he'd known, none of it was okay. Which meant that Angeal might not be okay either.

Aerith was _dead_. She was dead and he hadn't been there to say goodbye or to protect her. She'd finally been brave enough to leave the city. To see the world and even try to fight for it, and he'd…

He had no idea where he'd been.

That Sephiroth had done it only made it all worse. Multiple times now Sephiroth had been brought up, contradicting Zack's understanding of his death back in Nibelheim. Cloud… Cloud had killed Sephiroth. He'd thought he had. But apparently there was a lot more going on here than met the eye. Huge, planet-wide things. Lifestream and cetra and world-shaking things.

All of which he'd missed.

He'd never see Aerith again. Never be able to call her up when he was down, or visit her when he had a few extra hour of time off. He'd never see her pretty green eyes again or listen to her scolding, yet upbeat conversation. He'd never see her innocent smile or her jittery excitement or her shameless confidence. He'd always wanted to be with her one day, when she'd finally gotten up the courage to leave the steel sky behind. She'd always told him she would, and he'd promised to be right beside her every step of the way.

But he hadn't been. And now she was dead.

Why did it feel like what little control he'd had over his life was crumbling around him?

"What?" he croaked out, not having realized that Nanaki was speaking again.

"I realize this is shocking news for you," he said. "And for that I am sorry. But you must now understand why I'm so curious as to how you've come to be in possession of the white materia and Aerith's hair ribbon."

Closing his eyes, Zack tried his best to tolerate the ache so as to relegate at least some of his focus to the conversation.

"These things were lost at the Forgotten City," Nanaki continued. "Where Aerith was laid to rest."

Reaching for his pack, Zack did his best to control his trembling hands as he reached in and retrieved the ribbon and materia. He placed them on the table a second later, a sliver of the materia visible through a slip in the fabric.

"I don't know," he said. "Like I told you, I just… found them in Gongaga when I woke up. I've never been to this Forgotten City."

"When you woke up…" Nanaki repeated, ever thoughtful as he watched him. Before his one eye flicked again to the buster sword. "You are a very curious person."

A comment Zack didn't bother responding to, instead setting his attention on the ribbon. Unwrapping it from around holy, he left the materia to roll into a dent in the table, his entire focus on the pink piece of fabric.

He'd noted when he'd first found it that the ribbon reminded him of Aerith's. He hadn't looked at it too critically, assuming it to be impossible that the ribbon be one and the same.

"You really think this is hers?" he asked quietly.

"It smells like her," Nanaki replied. "I wouldn't even consider it a gamble, to presume she once wore it. That sort of engrained scent accumulated over years of use… I am not mistaken."

Shoulders slumping, Zack took in a shaky breath and blinked his lashes a little too quickly. "I'm the one who bought it for her," he strained to say. "Right after we first met."

Nanaki was visibly surprised. "And she wore it ever after?"

"I… guess she did."

"Then… you must have been a very precious person to her."

A statement that had him reaching up to wipe at his eyes, before the tears could escape.

Perhaps trying to do him the service of pretending he didn't notice, Nanaki flicked his attention to holy. Leaning forward, he sniffed at it more directly, before once again turning curious.

"While I cannot fathom the reasons or the ways, that you found the white materia alongside Aerith's ribbon leads me to believe that these things were… given to you."

"Given?"

"By Aerith, perhaps." Though he was not human, Zack could see the way Nanaki's expression turned soft. "She lives on, you see. In the lifestream. Even after meteor, she has reached out a hand to help. Much as Sephiroth's consciousness remains within the planet, so too does she."

"You think… she…" Just the idea of it hurt, even if it did ring bittersweet.

"It is the only conclusion I can come to, if all of what you say is true."

"But why?" Zack asked, reaching out and picking up the small materia as he did. "I can't use it—I can't even sense it." He'd placed it into the buster sword, but there'd been no reaction whatsoever.

"The white materia is mysterious by nature. Even as a cetra, Aerith had some difficulty calling upon its power."

"It doesn't… feel like something I should have…" Zack murmured. While Nanaki acted like Aerith must have gifted it to him, he felt very suddenly as though he'd robbed her of it. Which was stupid. But he felt… guilty, and upset, and somehow distant. So much had happened while he'd been… wherever he'd been, and this white materia was part of that. Part of this huge struggle that he'd missed. That he was certain, had he been there, he'd have been a part of. Because there was no way he'd have let Aerith take on such a task without being at her side. Both he and Cloud, they'd have helped her.

They'd have tried to.

"If not you, then who?" Nanaki asked.

"I don't know. Someone smarter. Someone who…" Someone who'd actually been there to help her.

If dog-cats could frown, Zack imagined they'd look like Nanaki did then.

"You're welcome to leave it here, should you truly feel that way."

A suggestion that surprised Zack.

"It is only known amongst those closest to me, but we keep many important materia here," he explained, turning his head toward the door on the far side of the room. "Huge materia, in fact, that we salvaged from the mako reactors during meteor's fall. Shinra had intended to use them as weapons to try and fight meteor, but that… that would have been a terrible loss."

"So you stopped them?"

Nanaki nodded. "These materia possess the history and life of this planet, much as the white materia does, much as the black materia does. They should not be thrown away recklessly."

"Black materia?"

"Meteor."

Zack nodded and once again glanced down at the white materia. "I'm surprised you'd tell me all this, if what you're saying is true," he said a second later. He tried not to sound bitter, instead opting for distance. Else he feared he'd fall apart.

Nanaki hopped off the stool, before heading to the other door. "If Aerith trusts you, then I am inclined to do the same," he said simply. He paused just outside the door and turned. "Come with me."

He vanished through it a second later, Zack hesitating for only a moment before deciding it was better to act than to sink deeper and deeper into the overwhelming grief attempting to consume him. It'd get him eventually, but for now…

Standing, he kept both the white materia and Aerith's ribbon in hand as he trailed Nanaki through the door. What greeted him on the other side was a short corridor that led into a large, circular room. It was relatively dark, everything ignited by dim blue lights placed up in the walls at the edges of the room. And as he stepped up onto the same platform where Nanaki was now sitting, facing him, he noted that the ceiling was both high and very dark.

"Don't be startled," Nanaki said once Zack had come fully in. He then turned and reached one paw out to the console erected at the center of the room. Zack couldn't see with any clarity what he was doing from his vantage point, but it didn't much matter. The platform soon shifted, before the sounds of old gears turning had it rising up out of the floor like an old, slow-moving elevator.

It crept higher and higher, until they were well above the blue lights and engulfed in the darkness of the dome above.

"My grandfather's laboratory," Nanaki explained, before the entire room was lit up with stars.

Gaping, Zack watched as the entire solar system unfurled before his eyes. All the constellations, all the planets and their mapped trajectories, the sun, their moon, and all the other satellites too.

Zack knew very little about astronomy and planetology, having only learned the basics from his father and via what little of it had been covered in his classes. So the sight before him, while clearly not state of the art, was very new. He could see how the planets revolved around their star, the projected asteroids that were to pass by, the schedules for future eclipses. It was all there, as well as four very large, very dull crystals.

The four huge pieces of materia clearly weren't part of the display, as they sat hovering between materia rings—holders that could harness the materia's energy so as to keep them aloft—around the edges of the room.

He'd never seen materia that big before. It wasn't refined, retaining all the sharp, craggy edges of raw materia, and was at least three-forths the size of his person. Each. One red, one yellow, one green, one blue.

"Their active power was extracted before we took on Sephiroth," Nanaki explained. "But though they are dim now, everything that they are remains. In some thousand years, their glow will have returned. But for now, they are dormant—like treasures locked away in chests."

Approaching the nearest one—the green one—Zack hesitated only a second before daring to lay his hand over its hard surface. Though it was cool, he could sense the essence within. He was well-versed in materia use, after all, and though the pulse inside was guarded—sleeping—he could still feel it there. Alive.

Very unlike the white materia.

"You said only a few people know they're here?" Zack asked, taking a step back again.

"Only those of us that stole them from under Shinra," Nanaki replied. "It would be… unwise, to advertise their existence, we think."

Zack couldn't say he disagreed.

"Then the white materia," he continued, voice soft, "it would be safe here." Opening his hand, he stared down at it, at the small, innocuous orb.

Nanaki didn't say one way or another, instead coming over to sit down at his side. They stayed in that silence for some time, before they were both turning their attention to the model of their planet as it was passing by in front of them.

"It is through the lifestream that we're all connected," Nanaki started. "It's the lifeblood of our world. Every animal, monster, plant, person, when they die, their energy returns to the planet and is slowly recycled anew. Their experiences, their memories, they remain with the lifestream, creating an everlasting imprint. But it isn't just in death that the planet guides us. This stream flows through us now, connecting us to everyone and everything. To the past and those that have left us, to the future and those yet to come. To lost friends and family, to soulmates. While the hand of fate is not so strict as to foretell our every action, our spirit energy gravitates back and forth with one another, through space and time. Through life and death. We may not see it, the guiding path that allows us to gravitate around one another, but it's there. It takes us from person to person, from place to place, until we eventually end up where we're meant to be.

"That energy, it supersedes life and death. To the planet, these things are less significant, are thinly veiled differences that amount to very little. It is why those we love die despite how much we love them, why some soulmates pass on before their other halves. To the planet, this gravitating connection is inevitable. Death is but an easily traversed barrier, as organisms live and die under the planet's watch every day. But it is through this… muddled view that we can also find our own clarity. Comfort, perhaps, as well."

He turned to look up at Zack, who was holding tight to both the white materia and the pink ribbon, one in each hand. He'd given up trying to stop the tears.

"Aerith has passed on, but she has not left us," he continued. "We toil and stress here, on the physical plane, so enveloped in the life we've been given that we are unable to perceive the thinness of the barrier between. But it's true nonetheless, that what lies between us and those we have lost is but our own excuses for distance. True, we cannot see Aerith here, but she is with us. With you. Even now, you have evidence of that. Of the gravitating force that pulls you and her, and all of us, together."

Zack knew he was holding the ribbon so tight it would wrinkle, that the materia would leave his hand sore for how hard he gripped it. But, somehow, doing so made Nanaki's words make more sense. Like if he just held on tight enough, he'd be able to feel that connection he talked about. Be able to find Aerith. And Angeal. And Cloud too.

Maybe, if he believed hard enough, it'd ease the terrible loneliness.

"It's hard to realize now, for the pain of grief," Nanaki said softly, even as Zack fell slowly to his knees, his whole chest shuddering as the tears rolled steadily down his cheeks. "But it is only because of these cherished connections that we can feel these things at all. And that's something incredibly precious, for it is all the good we have in this world."

Nodding, Zack tried to agree, even as a silent sob wracked his whole body.

Even as every connection he had was validated with loss.

_9 Years Ago_

"So… we should probably… talk." Zack's words were stilted as he pulled away.

They'd been standing just beside his computer for some time, Zack with his head buried in Cloud's shirt while Cloud had simply stroked his hair. Though Cloud had realized that Zack was upset, it'd been relaxing, just being there with him. But reality had to come knocking eventually, and that meant dealing with the consequences of what had… "happened" between them the night before.

"Yeah, probably," Cloud muttered, his hands falling awkwardly to his sides as Zack sat back in his chair. He started fiddling with his fingers in turn, a bloated silence threatening to bubble up between them.

"So… I want to say sorry," Zack eventually started, his words drawing Cloud's gaze his way. "Like, super sorry. I shouldn't have… Last night, I was… It wasn't…"

"You don't need to be sorry, Zack," Cloud said softly, aware of the way his own face flushed. His whole body, really, because just the thought of what they'd done left him warm from the inside out.

It'd been unexpected, sure, and Cloud was, well, he was definitely "feeling it" the morning after, but that didn't mean he was regretful. The opposite, in fact.

"It was totally not cool, though," Zack continued anyway. "I should have been more polite, and I knew you didn't have any experience, but I just—"

"Zack," Cloud cut in. "It wasn't bad." Clumsy, sure. A bit beyond what he'd likely been prepared for, maybe. But even so…

Zack released a short laugh. "If you honestly think that, then boy do I have good news for you."

Cloud released a quiet laugh of his own, before reaching up to pull at one of the spikes growing down along his cheek. "I mean it," he murmured. "It was…" Just revisiting the memory had butterflies bursting free all over his body. "It was wonderful, Zack."

An admission that had Zack gaping, something like befuddled wonder slowly blossoming across his expression. Before he was reaching out. Grabbing Cloud by the hips, he tugged him closer. Until he was standing right up against his chair, between his thighs. Cloud couldn't help the short breath that caught in his throat, nor the tremble that followed. His arms instinctively came up to balance on Zack's shoulders, even as his eyes remained focused downward. On Zack, who was staring up at him still wearing that same look of absolute awe, which had Cloud blushing all over again.

He wanted to be closer, and perhaps that same thought was running through Zack's mind, because even as Cloud was lifting his knee to nestle it between Zack's leg and the arm of the chair, Zack's hand was trailing from his hip down along the outside of his thigh, grip just firm enough to tug Cloud's leg more appropriately into place. Which gave Cloud the leverage to sink down onto Zack's lap. Searching Zack's gaze, he soon found himself leaning lower—leaning in.

He wrapped his arms around Zack's neck, while Zack slung the hand that wasn't gripping at Cloud's thigh around his back. He held him close, held him steady, Cloud's breath catching as the tips of their noses brushed. As warm air splashed across his face, lashes fluttering shyly as he was caught in Zack's gaze. An imploring gaze, which had his heart skipping so severely that it felt like his blood was twitching beneath his skin.

"You have no idea what you do to me," Zack murmured, his words so close that their warmth splashed across Cloud's lips.

It was a claim that caused butterflies so severe that Cloud knew he'd probably have lost his balance had Zack not been holding him in place. It was dizzying, but lovely, Cloud biting his bottom lip as he gently bumped his forehead into Zack's. As he held that mako-framed gaze and tried his very best to temper the elation coursing through his veins. He failed, of course, what started out as a small grin stretching into a full-blown smile. It faltered on his face, his own nerves prickling under the surface. But even so, he couldn't temper it.

"Wow…" Zack whispered, leaning up some to bump their noses again as his own smile broke across his face. "You should do that more often."

A comment that had Cloud's cheeks flushing once again, teeth biting down on his lip despite the stupid smile he couldn't get wiped away.

"You're so ridiculous," he eventually settled for muttering, which pulled a soft chuckle from Zack. One that lured Cloud in even closer, so close that he swore their lips had barely brushed, an idea that sent another jolting shock through his system.

Which was so lame, because he'd had Zack's dick in his butt already, but somehow the idea of… of a kiss was making him nervous?

Jeez, it was all so stupid and overwhelming. But also so…

Exhilarating.

Yet, even as tension sparked between them, Zack released a tight groan. Closing his eyes, he brushed his nose lightly against Cloud's again, before pulling his head to the side. Leaning forward, he balanced his forehead on Cloud's shoulder.

Hesitating just a second, Cloud eventually gave in to the abrupt disconnect and allowed himself to bury his nose in Zack's hair, one hand coming up to finger the soft locks.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Uh, yeah, I'm—I'm fine," Zack said into his shoulder. "Just… shouldn't be doing… with you…"

"What?"

Zack cleared his throat. "Shouldn't be doing anything. Last night, you know, strenuous activity. And you're just… really hard to resist."

Cloud laughed. He wanted to say "then don't," but maybe Zack was feeling the consequences worse than Cloud was. He was still injured, after all, and if he wasn't supposed to be doing "stuff" like what they'd done last night, then maybe he shouldn't be encouraging it.

"You're probably feeling kind of gross, after, well, you know," Zack started a few seconds later, before pulling back. "You can use the shower, if you want." He gestured to the bathroom with his head. "And I'll, uh, make breakfast, or something."

Frankly, Cloud didn't want to move from Zack's lap, but he also didn't have it in him to object. He was just so… content. And warm. And…

And happy.

It'd been so long since he'd felt really happy.

Maybe… Maybe he'd never felt this happy before.

"Okay," he eventually agreed, blinking slow and making no attempt to get up.

Zack laughed. "Jeez, you're like a cat in the sun or something. Guess I finally know the secret to putting you in a good mood."

Cloud hummed. "Maybe."

Another laugh, before Zack took a deep breath and made the clearly difficult decision to move. He tapped Cloud lightly on the leg, before inching forward in the chair. Which had Cloud backing up off of him despite not wanting to, until he was standing again, Zack cringing just a bit as he also got to his feet. He rubbed at his chest a second later, which left Cloud worried.

"I'm okay," he assured, having noticed Cloud's concern. Pushing the rolling chair aside, he hobbled over to the closet, which was already hanging open. Reaching up, he dragged a towel down from the top shelf before returning to Cloud.

"Here," he said simply, once again nodding to the bathroom. "You can use anything that's in there." Holding the towel up between them, he waited until Cloud eventually took hold of one side. But even then, he didn't let go, his gaze gradually dragging upward. Where it lingered on Cloud's lips, his tongue visibly running along the edges of his teeth.

Which had Cloud's breath trembling, the tension spiking between them yet again.

Eventually, Zack's attention did find its way to Cloud's eyes, the two of them staring for many long, heavy seconds.

Dropping his side of the towel, Zack reached up, his hand gently sliding into place along Cloud's cheek. Which had Cloud's breath catching, his own body instinctively leaning in. For a second, it looked like Zack would too—like he was wavering on the edge of a precipice. But just before he moved in, something in his expression caught. Something that had him faltering, before he very painfully tore his gaze away.

"Breakfast," he muttered to himself, his hand dropping away. "Breakfast, breakfast," he kept saying as he turned to the kitchen.

Exasperated, and honestly disappointed, Cloud half-rolled his eyes before finally turning to the bathroom. He wasn't sure what Zack's deal was—it was abundantly clear he wanted to do _something_ , but wasn't allowing it.

Was he really that concerned that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop?

It was a thought that left Cloud grinning as he finally made his way to the bathroom, his heart beating fast as he leaned back against the door. Closing his eyes, he took a few seconds to catch his breath, before deciding that Zack was probably right—he did feel a bit sticky and crusty and sore in places that he usually didn't.

Yet, as he moved forward, his gaze caught on the reflection in the mirror.

He couldn't say why, but the sight of his own face staring back him was startling. It dropped a cold weight through his whole system, one that cleared away the euphoric fog almost painfully. Like seeing his own reflection was reminding him acutely of reality, which he'd been successfully ignoring.

He needed to tell Zack the truth.

That was the first thing that popped into his head. Which brought compounding amounts of anxiety and fear collapsing through him.

Zack deserved to know. Of _course_ he did. He'd deserved to know for a while, yet Cloud had kept pushing it aside like he did so many things. But what they'd done the night before, it was too… big to ignore. They couldn't possibly move on from this without Zack knowing the truth…

Right? Because that… that would be wrong…

Yet, as Cloud stared into his reflection, he could see his mother there too. So much of him was a carbon copy of her. He didn't even know where to look to see anything of the man that was supposed to be half of who he was. It had to be there, somewhere, yet he was lost on where to look.

But he wasn't his mother. And Zack wasn't his father.

Shaking his head, Cloud tore his gaze away, instead walking over to the small shower. Hanging his towel on the hook, he took only a moment to gather his composure before stripping down. He then climbed inside, closing the glass door before reaching out for the knobs. The water was cold initially, leaving Cloud to huddle in the corner until it was warm enough to tolerate.

But even so, something inside him remained chilled.

He shouldn't be so worried. Zack was sort of right, after all. Plenty of soulmates met and stayed together forever.

Even if there were just as many that didn't…

No, his mother's situation had been totally different. For one, his father was clearly an asshole, which Zack was not. Probably. But his mother obviously hadn't thought his father was an asshole, because she'd loved him. Loved him enough to make a baby with him, which was one complication that Cloud did _not_ have to worry about with Zack.

But then he'd been born and his father had just… abandoned them.

Because of Cloud, obviously. That was the only explanation that made sense. Two weeks into it all, he'd decided none of it was worth the trouble and bailed. If they'd never had a baby, then they'd probably still be together. Which, again, should be a reassurance, because neither Cloud nor Zack were going to be getting pregnant.

The only shared variable between the two situations was… was Cloud.

Cloud, who was the reason his father had left.

But Zack wouldn't leave him. Zack was gung-ho about the idea of soulmates.

Then again, he'd willingly started something with Cloud despite knowing his soulmate was nearby, which… which was something Cloud shouldn't think too hard about. That was a can of worms he didn't want to open. Zack was good and decent and—

And he wouldn't have fucked Cloud just because he was bored or waiting or something. He wasn't that kind of guy… right?

Of course not. Probably.

Probably?

It didn't matter! Because he'd fucked Cloud and Cloud was his soulmate, so the points cancelled each other out in the end or… something.

He just needed to tell Zack the truth. He might… He might be mad at first, that Cloud hadn't been honest, but… but that anger wouldn't last. It wasn't like Cloud having hidden it was going to make Zack suddenly see everything else that was wrong with him.

He wasn't a disappointment—Zack clearly liked him.

Unless it was all physical and Zack wasn't taking him seriously because he thought Cloud wasn't his soulmate, which meant that when he found out the truth he _would_ be disappointed, because he obviously wasn't even entertaining the idea that Cloud could be his soulmate. Which of course was Cloud's own fault, but that wasn't the point.

Or maybe it was the point. Because all of this was his fault and, fuck, he should have told Zack a long time ago. But Zack expected something grand and magical and "fated" and their relationship definitely had none of those things.

He didn't even know where to start, or what to do, or say, or…

Maybe none of that mattered. Maybe he just had to push that all aside, buck up, march out, and tell him.

Yes. That was what he had to do. Just own whatever was going to happen afterward and be honest. He'd just walk right out of the bathroom—dressed, obviously—go right up to Zack, and tell him. Just say it straight.

Just tell him, just tell him, just _tell him_!

Oh god, this wasn't going to end well. He was going to ruin everything.

Just like he always did…

Leaning back against the wall of the shower, he hung his head in the spray and was going to try and calm his nerves with some purposeful, deep breathing. But half a second later, his heart was jolting into his throat when the door to the shower was suddenly yanked open.

Tensing immediately, Cloud went from defensively alarmed to shocked as Zack stepped through.

Naked.

He was fully and totally naked.

And staring at Cloud with a look of primitive determination that had Cloud's shock burning into heated arousal. Which left him a bit weak in the knees as Zack moved closer. Until he was standing so close he was blocking the spray of water.

His hands came up and found their way to caressing Cloud's face, before he was leaning in. Their noses brushed only quickly, Cloud's eyes wide, before Zack's lips were on his.

It happened so fast that it took Cloud's brain a moment to catch up. But only a fleeting moment, because his body was pushing the message all the quicker. His hands were already braced against Zack's bare chest, a wave of desire riding down between his legs.

A moan was escaping his mouth as he finally closed his eyes, Zack sucking some on his bottom lip. Just enough for Cloud to really realize this was happening—that Zack was standing there, pressing him against the back of the shower, kissing him. Kissing him all over his face—his mouth, the corners of his lips, his jaw, his chin, back up across his lips. Which had Cloud leaning in to capture his mouth with his own, to stop Zack's frenzied, frantic movements of favor of pulling in his focus.

To his credit, Zack was trying to practice some semblance of self-control. He'd come bursting in without any sense of it, but like an excited puppy that knew it was supposed to try and contain its enthusiasm despite in inherent inability, his kiss had gone from deeply intense to immediately light all over Cloud's face. Like he was trying to make up for some imagined blunder.

Cloud, however, took no issue with his gusto. He was an all-in sort of personality, after all, whether that ended well for him or not. Which meant that his previous insecurities had flown out the shower door the second Zack had walked in, because he'd much rather be learning how best to attach his mouth to Zack's than whatever he'd been debating before.

He could just… deal with it later. Or something.

It was preferable to take to the easily followed examples, Cloud sucking on Zack's lip in much the same way his own had been previously. Which earned him a grunt as Zack pushed in closer, their lips pressing fully together once again, while Zack's hands slid down his wet body from his face to his neck, over his arms until his hands were gripping territorially at his waist.

Gasping in the heat of Zack's mouth, Cloud's whole body surged with adrenaline as he was shoved back, pinned to the back of the shower by Zack's own hips. Hips that framed his very erect, very hard penis, which aligned quite nicely with Cloud's own.

The water from the shower was dripping through Zack's hair and down his face, giving his kiss a damp, irony taste that Cloud was pretty sure would be imprinted in his memory forever. As well as the feeling of his hips riding into Cloud's own, his dick thrusting in tandem. Again, he was clearly excited—so excited that he was humping his body against Cloud's like a desperate dog. Which was endearing and chaotic, especially with Cloud's ass pressed so firmly against the fogged-up glass.

And while Cloud wasn't entirely opposed to this riled, furious loss of control, he'd sure like a moment to catch his breath and savor it. Just for a second, at least.

Snaking his hand down Zack's chest, he found his way between their dripping bodies, before wrapping his hand as best he could around both his and Zack's erections. He held them together, his grip firm enough that it had Zack's frenzied thrusts coming to a faltering halt.

He groaned into Cloud's mouth, kissing him hard before their lips broke apart. They still wavered dangerously close, noses brushing, while Zack's hold on Cloud's waist grew agonizingly tight.

"You need to calm down," Cloud murmured into Zack's mouth, his hand flexing around their dicks.

"Sorry," Zack murmured, even as he weakly tried to rub his body up against Cloud. His lips were on Cloud's again as well, sloppily kissing the side of his mouth before another wanton groan erupted from his throat. "I just can't stop thinking about you," he admitted breathily. "I try to back off, but it just makes me want you more. I can't stop myself."

"Then maybe you should stop trying," Cloud countered simply, while stroking his hand briskly up both their shafts.

Zack's moan sounded almost painful then, as he once again had his lips on Cloud's, the kiss long and hard and wanting. Before he was pushing his tongue inside Cloud's mouth, even as Cloud dragged his hand down to their bases before jerking upward once again. Slowly, his focus torn between sparring his own tongue up against Zack's and his want to steadily jerk them off together. He didn't really know what he was doing in either case, but the brazen, hot, brimming need in his gut kept him going.

Steadily, he continued to stroke his hand up and down their lengths, putting a considerable amount of effort into keeping himself calm despite his focus being pulled in so many different directions. He desperately wanted to keep kissing Zack—to keep exploring just how much they could do to each other with their mouths—but Zack was already losing focus again. Every time Cloud stroked, he heard Zack's breath catch, his lips wavering against Cloud's own until all he was doing was splashing hot breath between them. He tried a few times to pull at Cloud's mouth, but eventually was left groaning, eyes squinting shut.

"This is so fucking pathetic," he whispered.

Cloud grinned just a bit. "I like it," he murmured, picking up the pace of his hand as he did.

"What is there to like?" Zack asked, voice breathy. "I'm fucking… losing it. Just…" He groaned again.

Leaning in, Cloud laid a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Just lightly. He was honestly a little surprised at his own composure, but there was something so endearing about Zack's wanton desperation—something so incredibly powerful in the fact that Cloud was the one doing this to him. Cloud, the pitiful infantryman that he was, had somehow managed to nab and unravel Zack Fair, the shining star of SOLDIER. Or so he hoped he'd be able to do, before all of this was over.

"I like you like this," he whispered, his lips trailing along Zack's jaw, before he laid another kiss gently below his ear. "I like you… unraveling."

Zack was panting. "You're such… a little… shit."

Cloud grinned again, continuing to jerk them both off. "Come undone for me, Zack," he murmured, a little surprised at the daringness of his words, but also too turned on to care. Maybe he would later, but the hazy fog of arousal was blocking any and all self-consciousness. The feeling of Zack's body against his own, of his velvety dick sliding against Cloud's, of his shallow breaths and pinching hold on Cloud's waist, it had him in a dizzying sea of heat—heat that yielded reckless confidence.

Trailing his lips from Zack's jaw, he peppered wet kisses down his neck. Slowly, savoring the lightness of each touch until he was brushing the tip of his nose over Zack's collarbone. He laid another kiss here as well, lingering long enough to gently suck on his wet skin.

Which had Zack groaning, one of the hands he had on Cloud's waist slipping back until it was plastered against glass. Like he needed more support as he pressed his body into Cloud's, thrusting his hips up in tandem with the jerking rhythm between them.

"You like that?" Cloud whispered.

"I'm honestly… just… having a hard time… believing… you're the one… doing it."

"Why's that?"

Zack sputtered a laugh, one that turned into another groan as Cloud slowed his stroking just long enough to be torturous—for both of them—before starting up again.

"Didn't… expect you to be…" he quickly bit his lip and grunted, "so… forward."

A claim that had Cloud grinning again despite the throbbing heat threatening to leave him a shaking, trembling mess. He was determined to keep himself together, however, far more interested in watching Zack than he was his own pleasure.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked.

Zack released another breathy laugh, one that was a little high-pitched and bordering on hysterical. Which was answer enough, really, and emboldened Cloud further.

"I thought I told you to come undone," he murmured, his lips so close to Zack's collarbone that they traced his skin as he spoke.

"So you're… bossy… too?"

Sparing Zack's flushed, dripping, concentration-pinched face one quick look, Cloud stalled in his jerking just long enough to turn the kiss he'd placed over Zack's collarbone into a nipping bite. One just harsh enough to have Zack lurching into him.

"Fuck," he moaned, his whole body shuddering as his hips surged forward, his dick twitching before he spilled himself across Cloud's abdomen. The sight of which had Cloud's own arousal spiking, a fluttering, pulsating weight cascading down between his legs that pushed him into coming just seconds after Zack. A moan was pushed up out of his throat at the same time, his body finally bending to weakened, numbing heat that left his hands grasping at Zack's broad chest as he leaned his head back against the glass.

But before the moan had even fully left his mouth, Zack was swallowing it, his lips sliding urgently against Cloud's as he pressed their bodies flush together. As he wrapped his arms around Cloud's thin frame, while Cloud linked his own up around Zack's neck. He kissed back just as deeply, something vulnerable and exposed and needy leaving him shivering and desperately pulling Zack in as close as he could get.

He had no idea how long they stood in that sweltering shower, plastered to each other, just frantically kissing while the steam wafted around them. It was only when his energy truly started to wane that Cloud found himself lagging, his body eventually leaning so heavily into Zack's embrace that he was certain he'd slip right to the floor without it. While Zack continued—albeit more slowly than before—to kiss him. Kiss him all over, from his lips to his face to his neck to his shoulders. He'd become less frenzied, instead adopting a gentleness that left Cloud even weaker than he already was.

"I could do this all day," Zack whispered, after pulling ever so delicately at Cloud's upper lip with his own. "Just… touch you, and kiss you."

"Then do it," Cloud replied simply.

And so he did.

Their time in the shower eventually slowed into a gradual bathing of one another, before they were stumbling out into the chilled air of the bathroom. Which had them clinging together again, Cloud shoving Zack into the tile wall where they made-out until their dripping bodies had dried. After which they were trailing one another into the apartment, continually chasing each other's lips as they collapsed on the couch, Cloud on his back and Zack on top of him.

They didn't have sex again, not in the vein of the night before. Which was probably for the best, because even though Cloud ached for it, he was still sore in places that wouldn't appreciate another go-around. But they did trail their hands over every muscle, scar, and quivering nerve of each other's bodies, discovering every dent and blemish and perfect form.

Zack trailed kisses down nearly every inch of Cloud, while Cloud ran his hands through Zack's damp hair and over all the rippling muscles straining beneath the skin of his back. He carefully avoided his fresh wounds, of course, though they hardly seemed to be bothering Zack any. Or he was just too caught up in what they were doing to care.

They did eventually slow down enough to simply lay together, before Zack made good on his previous promise and went to the kitchen to prepare some food. Cloud followed him, trying to do what he could to help with his limited skillset. Which really only ended up with him tucked with his back to Zack's chest, while Zack laughed alongside him and worked his arms around him.

The actual eating didn't last long, the two of them stumbling over to the bed as soon as they were finished. Cloud gently shoved Zack down onto the mattress this time, intent on taking what he'd learned of Zack's attention to him and implementing it in turn. What he found out as he climbed over Zack and began ravishing him was that Zack was far more sensitive to touch than he was. Frankly, Cloud was more of a get to the point kind of guy, and had he not just gotten off in the shower, he might have been less patient with Zack's slow exploration of his body. But Zack, well…

He loved it. He was hard within a few minutes of Cloud trailing his touch and his lips down his shoulders and chest, and while Cloud did momentarily entertain a hand job, he instead decided to stick to his original intents. He ignored Zack's need in favor of gradually touching every part of him. And while he wasn't confident in his ability to bestow any sort of satisfying blowjob, he did trail his lips down Zack's hips, across his inner thighs, and very, very slowly up the length of his cock, before once again sliding his touch and his attention elsewhere.

After the better part of an hour, he'd worked Zack up to the point of his body being little more than a raw nerve, his breath coming shallowly and his eyes closed as he dragged his fingers down across Cloud's back. And when Cloud transformed the kisses he was trailing down Zack's neck into light, nipping love bites, Zack released a strangled moan that was quickly followed by him coming across his chest and splattering some up on Cloud's own.

They simply laid together for some time then, Zack holding Cloud in place on top of him. He fell asleep eventually, lulled into drowsiness by the sound of Zack's heartbeat inside his ear. It was hard to say how long he was fading in and out, but was eventually roused by Zack's regretful need to use the bathroom. Which had Cloud doing the same shortly after, before he used the same dampened towel Zack had to wipe away the remnants of their previous foray.

It was well into the afternoon by the time they had a mind to check the time, which Cloud found to be rather disheartening. He'd have to return to the barracks to dress for class at some point. But, then again, he could just come back up to Zack's apartment afterward, no matter how bad of an idea that was with him having to work an early shift the next morning.

They made the best of the time they did have, however, mostly using it to make out on the couch. It was less sensual than it had been previously, the two of them joking and laughing together even as they were once again exploring each other's mouths. It ended in a calm that had Cloud tucked into Zack's side, while Zack wrapped an arm around his shoulders and dozed with his cheek leaning on top of Cloud's head.

By the time four o'clock rolled around, Cloud was begrudgingly accepting of the fact that he needed to get dressed and head out. Returning to the bathroom, he frowned down at his clothes before slowly pulling them on. Zack was still sitting naked on the couch when he reemerged, those mako eyes trained on him as he came to stand between Zack's knees.

"You coming back after class?" Zack asked, a handsomely crooked smile appearing on his face as he did.

Cloud half-heartedly rolled his eyes. "Well, since you asked." Balancing his hand on Zack's shoulders, he leaned down and indulged in yet another long, wanting, deep series of kisses, before he forced himself to pull away.

Making sure he had the keycard Zack had given him, he tried to make his way to the door, but was ultimately stopped halfway there as Zack followed. Grabbing his hand, he whipped him around and once again had them kissing, Cloud smiling despite the fact that it didn't much help their activities.

"I have to go to class," he murmured into Zack's mouth, sort of trying to pull away but not putting in enough effort to separate their hands. Which resulted in Zack continuing to follow him all the way to the door, another kiss leaving him breathless as he reached out and grabbed hold of the door handle.

Despite Zack's interference, he did eventually manage to squeeze his way out into the hall, both of them laughing as they partook in one last, gasping kiss before Cloud was finally pulling back completely.

He turned away initially, but couldn't fight the urge to look over his shoulder as he walked. Which gave him a clear view of Zack leaning, still naked, against the doorframe, a suggestive little smile playing at his lips as he watched Cloud make his way on down the hall.

Their eye contact was only eventually broken by Cloud's very slow turn around the corner, one that had him returning Zack's smile before he vanished from sight.

But he only made it a few more steps before he realized that he had at least twenty minutes before he absolutely had to be back in the barracks. He could change into his uniform pretty quickly, after all, and if he sprinted to class…

Turning on his heel, he ignored the way his heart pattered in his chest and instead jogged back around to Zack's apartment. He caught the door just before it clicked shut, shoving it open before reaching out and grabbing Zack by the arm. Zack, who was visibly surprised for only a second as he turned to him, before Cloud was wrapping his arms around his neck and indulging in yet another smile-inducing make-out session. One that used every second of the time Cloud had decided he didn't need, before he was biting his lip and pulling back once again.

Zack followed him, stumbling after even as Cloud reached for the handle behind him and pulled the door open. He allowed them one final, chaste kiss, before he forcefully broke away and slipped back out the door. Again.

And even though he knew Zack was watching him, he refused to look back this time, afraid that if he did, he might just be tempted to skip class altogether.

But even as he finally reached the elevator and made his way inside, the high speed beating of his heart and the warmth in his chest failed to dissipate. He found his way to his barracks in a state of half-awareness, a stupid smile constantly trying to sneak onto his face.

He couldn't keep in under control despite how he tried, his mind only half there as he sat through his classes with a no doubt dopey expression on his face. Generally staring off into nowhere and at nothing, he was lucky none of his instructors were paying him much attention.

He checked his phone during every break he had, but didn't have any new messages. Which was a little disappointing despite everything else that had happened. Yet, he comforted himself with the fact that Zack had asked him back afterward and that it was probably better for both of them to have the four hours apart.

It was during his last break, as he chugged some water and pulled his phone out of his pocket, that he saw the alert about a new text message.

Smiling despite himself, he immediately navigated to his messages with Zack.

But what he was hit with was whiplash. Whiplash so acute that it left his heart faltering in his chest, smile dropping from his face as every bit of warmth and comfort inside of him froze over completely.

 **Zack:** we need to talk

 **Zack:** as soon as you get out of class

 **Zack:** you better get up here

 **Zack:** and explain what the fuck is going on

**Zack:**

Zack had never used an emoji before. And while the sight of such things didn't usually suggest serious intent, Cloud had never been swallowed by such excruciating dread in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the present was a bit angsty, lol. Poor Zack baby, but hey, we might be making some progress, hm? I really enjoyed writing Zack in places that are very Original FF7, because CC and AC don't really... feel like FF7. Not in the same vein as the original game, anyway. 
> 
> The past is... well it was nice for a hot minute, lol. Until everyone got kicked in the face at the end, hahahaha! Next chapter will be... hoo boy. 
> 
> HEY! Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--where I post previews for upcoming chapters and talk about nonsense.


	18. Chapter 18

_Present Day_

Being the type of person that was made busy by stress, Tifa had been exceptionally productive the last few days. Both Cloud and Denzel had made attempts to intercede—to try and distract her. But she always ended up back behind the bar or in the kitchen or running unnecessary errands. All of which was doubly concerning to poor Denzel, who had no idea what was going on, and made only worse for Cloud because he'd had to eventually leave.

She'd been a day without him now, since he'd headed off for Nibelheim, and she found that she had absolutely no self-control as far as her neurotic need to stay working. Every time she found herself still, her thoughts were tugging back to Rude, which she just… wasn't prepared to deal with.

They had too much history—too much baggage—between them.

"Tifa?" Nearly dropping the glass she'd been washing, she turned to the meek voice in surprise, as Denzel was supposed to be in bed. Instead, he stood at the end of the kitchen counter, his hair a flattened mess from sleeping, while the pants of his pajamas were a tad wrinkled.

Concerned, Tifa wiped the suds from her hands on a nearby dishtowel before making her way over. "Why are you awake, honey?" she asked gently, aware of the downed expression on his face.

"I couldn't sleep," he muttered, rubbing at his eye as he did.

Frowning, Tifa took a moment to deliberate before deciding there was no point in sending him back to bed until she could figure out what was bothering him. She offered him a small smile instead, before gesturing to the island at the center of the kitchen, around which sat four dining chairs.

He shuffled over, while Tifa went to the sink and got him a glass of water. He was sitting at the island by the time she turned around. Sliding the glass across to him, she then leaned down on the countertop and waited. Much like Cloud, Denzel didn't respond well to being pushed, so it was best to just be patient and allow him the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

Taking a sip of his water, he then stared down into the glass for some moments, before eventually flicking his gaze up to her own.

"Are… Are you and Cloud fighting?" he asked, his posture somewhat defensive—as if he anticipated a negative response.

"Fighting?" Tifa, however, was merely surprised. "No. Why would you think that?"

He shrugged and looked back down at the glass. "Cuz you've been acting all busy like you do whenever Cloud is doing something wrong, and because he keeps… leaving all the time."

Tifa sighed. "Cloud and I aren't fighting," she assured. "I've been… distracted lately because of something else. And I know Cloud's been gone a lot lately, but it's because of his work. After he gets back from up north, he said he planned to take a week off."

Denzel bit the inside of his cheek, looking uncertain as to whether he believed her or not.

"But…" he started after another pause had passed between them, "isn't Cloud mad at—at Rude?"

A question that once again took Tifa by surprise.

Cheeks flushing just a bit, Denzel focused extra hard on his water. "I heard you guys talking the other morning. When he came to see you." His gaze flicked only quickly to the orange lilies sitting in a tall vase on the far side of the counter. "When he gave you those flowers. I didn't mean to, so… sorry."

Tifa blinked, uncertain what to say. Mostly because she didn't want to say anything, but that hardly seemed possible given the situation.

"Why would Cloud be mad at Rude?" she settled for asking.

"Because he gave you flowers," Denzel said simply. "And Cloud doesn't like it when other guys pay attention to you like that."

Was he really that observant? Then again, he was more of a quiet type—more likely to watch and listen than chatter on.

"Cloud's not mad at Rude," she said. "Nobody is mad at anybody."

"But you're mad at Rude," he pointed out. "You told him to leave. And now he doesn't come around anymore."

Taking a deep breath, Tifa took a second to settle herself into the fact that this would likely turn into a long conversation. Pulling out one of the chairs, she sat down across from him.

"I'm not mad at Rude," she explained. "Rude and I just… have a complicated relationship, that's all."

"It wasn't complicated before," he pointed out.

"Well…" She didn't quite know what to say to that. "It's different now."

"Because he's your soulmate," Denzel said simply, Tifa having to stop herself from wincing at his direct reference. "And Cloud doesn't like that."

"I don't think Cloud has a problem with Rude," she said again.

"But… But if Rude is your soulmate, then doesn't that mean you and Cloud…"

It hadn't really occurred to her that she'd ever have to explain her relationship with Cloud to Denzel, mostly because she'd never thought to before. Denzel looked at both her and Cloud as his parents now, so she supposed it made sense that he'd think they were in a romantic relationship. He had been the one to ask when they were getting married, after all.

"Cloud and I aren't together like that," she clarified.

It was a claim that had Denzel's eyes going wide, shock crossing his face. Quite like she'd said something that had altered his entire universe, which had her hastily looking for the words that would make it better.

"But that doesn't mean Cloud and I aren't very important to one another, or that we don't love each other," she said quickly. "Cloud and I are best friends. We'll always be best friends. And we'll always be here for you. Together."

That seemed to calm him down a little, though there was still some very obvious, uncertain fear lingering in his gaze.

"Denzel?"

"So we're not… not like a real family…" he whispered.

"Oh, honey, no, don't think that." Reaching out, she laid her hand over his own. "Of course we're a real family. But families can be made up of all sorts of people. I know that your parents were married before, but that's not the only way a family can look. Marlene and Barret are a family, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So we're a family too. Cloud and I are—we're both your parents now, even if we're not married or anything like that. And Cloud not being here a lot lately doesn't have anything to do with you or me or Rude." She sighed. "I know you'd feel better if we were married, because that would seem more… normal. More structured. But Cloud and I, we've been through a lot together, and I promise you that no matter what happens, the three of us will always be a family."

He appeared a little less upset now, which gave her hope that her words were getting through.

"But Cloud… He's been… not normal lately."

He was really worried about Cloud, wasn't he? Had he been worried for a while and just not said anything?

"Cloud is… He's dealing with some hard stuff lately, that's true," she explained, which earned her an earnest look from Denzel. One that made it clear she'd have to expand. "Cloud has… had a hard life. He's lost a lot and he sometimes has a bad time remembering it. But he'll come around. We just need to give him time, and be here for him when he needs us."

"What has he lost?" Denzel asked, something in his expression hinting that he knew he was asking a very deep, serious question. But after everything he'd been through as well, Tifa supposed she shouldn't be surprised.

"Well… both he and I lost our home, a long time ago," she said quietly. "And our parents."

"Like me," he whispered.

"Yeah," she tightened her hold around his hand. "Like you."

"What about his soulmate?" he asked. "I heard you guys talking about it, before… And his mark…" Denzel had never mentioned it, but he knew just as well as anyone what a faded soulmark implied.

"He lost his soulmate too," she verified. "That's why he's been… sad lately. He's been thinking about it a lot."

Denzel's gaze again fell to his water glass. "I get sad when I think about my parents sometimes…"

"Then you understand why he hasn't been himself lately."

He nodded and took a deep breath, as if needing preparation for what he was going to say next. "What—What happened? To your parents? And Cloud's parents?"

It was a loaded question, one that Tifa honestly didn't want to answer. But she also knew that it'd probably do more damage than good not to. Denzel was still dealing with everything he'd lost and would be for the rest of his life, so the least she could do was try and relate to him, if it'd offer him any sort of comfort.

"There was a fire in the town where we grew up," she said. "In Nibelheim."

"Where Cloud's going right now?"

She nodded. "My father and Cloud's mother, they both died in that fire." Which wasn't really true, but she didn't think the whole "Sephiroth murdered them" thing was wholly necessary at this point.

"What about your mom?" he asked. "And Cloud's dad?"

"My mom… she was sick and died before the fire, and Cloud's father, well, he left when Cloud was only a baby."

"He left?"

She nodded. "Which is why I know for certain that Cloud would never leave you. He grew up without his father and he'd never want you to have to go through losing your father again."

This seemed to finally reassure Denzel, despite the sad road to them getting there.

"What happened to his soulmate?"

Tifa pursed her lips. "I don't think… it's my place to talk about Cloud's soulmate. Maybe he'll tell you someday, but it's a hard subject for him. Do you understand?"

He frowned, but nodded. "What about Rude?" he asked a second later.

"Um, what about him?"

"He's your soulmate, right? So are you and Rude going to get married instead?"

A question that had Tifa blushing despite herself. "Rude and I aren't getting married. We're just… friends."

Denzel pooched his lips into a pout. "I like Rude…"

A claim that surprised her at first, until she realized that Cloud and Rude had quite a bit in common as far as their temperaments, and seeing as Denzel basically thought of Cloud as the sun, he'd probably cast Rude in a relatively positive light.

Which was ironically sad, really, seeing as both Rude and Reno had been the ones to drop the plate that killed his parents. Neither of them were proud of it, she knew, and they both lived in perpetual guilt over it. Tseng had once told her that if they hadn't done it, someone else would have, so the end result would have been the same. They'd just saved someone else a lifetime of grief and self-loathing. Which… didn't really excuse it, because they could have been on the right side and actively tried to stop it, like Reeve. But she also knew that things with Shinra were always more complicated than they seemed, and that both Rude and Reno were doing their best to live their lives now in a way that was better than they had before.

Maybe, if the situation were different, they'd have been punished for what they did. Thrown in prison or even something worse than that. But after Shinra had deteriorated, there'd been no one to enforce any sort of law, not until the city-states regained their power. And seeing as Shinra had fallen and Midgar had been totally destroyed, none had really sought to do anything to those who'd worked for the company, perhaps figuring their attention was better spent elsewhere.

Which left Reno and Rude, and all the Turks, to roam free. Well, as free as they could now working for Cloud. Which was better than an alternative where they were still causing trouble.

This was another hang-up Tifa had, amongst the many concerning Rude. Aside from their volatile history was the fact that Tifa honestly didn't know where Rude's loyalties resided, if they were truly with Cloud or if that was more of a convenience. It'd been easy enough to ignore such things when they'd simply been friends. She'd kept a certain distance between them by default. But after learning he was her soulmate, she found herself… wary. After all, Rude had known the entire time they'd been hunting Sephiroth that she was his soulmate, yet he'd done nothing about it.

She didn't know what to think of him, really, which was an uncertainty she wasn't totally comfortable exploring. Not after it'd taken both her and Cloud so long to find their quiet stability.

"I like Rude too," she eventually said. "But just because we're soulmates, doesn't mean anything is going to change between us."

"He's going to start coming around the bar again?"

"Well…" Probably not until she told him it was okay, which would require her talking directly to him… "At some point, maybe."

"Not until you're not mad at him anymore," Denzel realized.

"Something like that, I suppose."

"Why are you mad at him?"

Tifa slumped. "You ask a lot of hard questions."

Fiddling with his water, Denzel detoured his focus to the countertop. "Sorry…"

Tifa sighed, but spared him a small smile. "How about this—I'll explain it to you once I figure it out myself, okay? I can't answer your question because I don't really know the answer right now." Not something a child was ever happy hearing, but it was better than saying "I'll tell you when you're older."

Denzel tapped his fingers on his water glass and eventually nodded. "Okay."

"Do you feel better now?"

He nodded again.

"Think you can get some sleep?"

He appeared to debate the idea, before finally pushing his glass away and hopping down off the chair. Tifa stood as well, walking with him to the stairs before saying another batch of "goodnights" and sending him on up to his room. She watched him until he vanished down the hallway.

With him gone, the silence of the room felt acutely stale, Tifa aware of every creak and rattle echoing across the small building. She considered for just a second returning to her dishes, but ultimately found herself too anxious. Her conversation with Denzel had her thinking about the very things she'd been trying so hard to ignore, which had her feeling claustrophobic and closed in.

Maybe some fresh air would help.

Heading across the house and into the bar, she made her way out the front entrance and into the chilly night air. It was her one night off a week, usually a time for rest and recuperation. But at the moment, it was just too much time for too much thinking.

Going to the stairs that lead up onto the deck lining the front of the building, she sat down on the top step and turned her gaze up to the sky. Breathing deeply, she allowed the striking coldness of the air to flood her system, her attention almost too focused on admiring the twinkling lights above the city.

What a change it was, compared to living under the plate. To the smog and pollution that had come along with mako energy. It reminded her of her childhood—of Nibelheim—but also of the journey she and her friends had taken cross-country. They'd stayed so many nights out in the wild with only the sky to guide them. She'd seen the stars from almost every angle on the planet.

But the stars above Edge, well, she'd decided some time ago that they were her favorite.

Her attention was eventually snagged by approaching footsteps. Which wasn't so unheard of, as the streets were generally active, even at night. But instead of a stranger walking by, going about the own business, her heart was sent to a sputtering halt by the sight of Rude.

He appeared to noticed her sitting there at about the same time, the banister lining the stairs likely having hidden her from view during his approach. Faltering to a stop, he stared back at her, his sunglasses hanging from his belt loop, his hands hooked into the pockets of his pants.

It was like the world around them stopped for just a second, the air between them crackling, before reality came flooding in like water breaking through a damn. Tifa's heart sped up in her chest, leaving her nauseous, and Rude visibly hunched and took a step back.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, even as it looked like he might turn and leave.

He just stared at her for a few seconds, before inevitably giving in.

"I was just… walking," he said simply.

"Past the bar."

He sighed. "It's my normal route. I wasn't expecting you to be out here."

Which Tifa supposed she couldn't really fault him for. Normally she'd be working, or at least preoccupied, and while Rude hadn't actually been coming into the bar these last few days, he did live just down the street. She couldn't expect him to steer clear of the neighborhood he lived in.

"But I can go the other way," he said a second later, gesturing back the way he'd come.

"No, it's fine," Tifa replied. "I wasn't trying to… stop you from walking around in your own neighborhood." She was just taken aback by the sight of him, which now made her feel incredibly idiotic, because it was juvenile to be avoiding him, even though she'd been actively doing so these last few days. She didn't want to deal with what was going on between them, or talk about it, or even acknowledge it. But the longer she put it off, the worse it was going to get.

Which worried her more for Denzel than anything else. He was clearly perceptive enough to have figured out more than she'd imagined, and as someone herself who had grown up in a broken household, she didn't want Denzel to have to deal with that any more than he already had. Granted, the situation between herself and Rude didn't "break" their household, but it did add tension. Tension that Tifa had a responsibility, as a parent, to deal with.

"We need to talk anyway," she added, despite how her own anxieties begged her not to.

"We don't have to," Rude cut in quickly. "Not if you don't want to."

"I _don't_ want to," she admitted easily enough. "But continuing to put it off just makes it worse for everyone."

And while Rude didn't say anything, she could tell by the uncomfortable look on his face that he was giving in to her reasoning even if, like her, he didn't necessarily want to.

Coming a little closer, he wavered at the bottom of the steps for only a second, before shaking his head—seemingly at himself—and stepping up to her level. Retaining the distance between them, he sat down on the top step at the opposite side of the stairs.

They both stayed quiet for nearly a minute, Tifa trying to order her thoughts and finally giving up when it was clear there'd be no clean or easy way to start this conversation.

"You knew who I was the whole time we were chasing Sephiroth," she started, supposing the past was as good a place to begin as any. "We were oftentimes at odds with one another." She wasn't exactly sure what question she was asking, supposing that addressing this part of their history was question enough.

Rude clasped his hands together, arms balanced on his knees, and focused down on the stairs.

"Turks go through extensive emotional drilling," he said. "On top of the Shinra propaganda demanding unwavering loyalty, we were expected to handle our jobs with total and complete apathy. We were taught to take pride in the fact that we were the only ones with enough self-control to do the jobs other people couldn't. And we were expected to bounce back without a second thought.

"During the time that we were at odds, I was… convinced I was doing what was necessary. The dirty work required that no one else was able to do. Relationships, soulmates, we were taught that these things meant nothing to us—that we were 'above' such emotional ties."

"You were brainwashed," she said simply.

Rude hummed. "Perhaps. Though that excuses much of the responsibility for the things we've done, and I'm not… I don't expect my wrong doings to be washed away."

"Shinra did it to everybody, though," she pointed out. "The whole world was convinced of their… virtue."

"Clearly not," he said, finally looking her way.

She could only nod in acknowledgment.

"So… you were just… convinced that the ends always justified the means?" she asked.

"Not… always." He sighed. "That was what they wanted us to believe, but it's a lot harder to grapple with on the inside. They fed our egos, much like they did with SOLDIERS. Made you feel special so you're apt to defend and value the things you do. But even then… Not all of us were so perfect. I was sent back to be emotionally retrained multiple times in the early days, before I learned to hide it. As we all eventually did. Very few of the Turks were truly as apathetic as we were coached to act. But there comes a point where you've just… done so many 'bad' things that you become numb to it. It becomes habitual, and only the absolute worst can make you feel anything at all."

"Like what?" Tifa asked quietly.

"Like dropping the plate," he said simply.

His words were stark, successfully silencing them both.

"There are a lot of things I'm not proud of," he said after another minute had passed between them. "But looking back and wondering about what could have been done differently, well, that's pointless."

"I know that…" Tifa murmured, so many of her own regrets flashing through her thoughts. Aerith… Aerith was the loudest of them all.

Maybe it was best to move on with the conversation. "Even after Shinra fell, the Turks were loyal to Rufus," she said.

"We weren't loyal to the point where that loyalty served no benefit," he explained. "Shinra's money and means ran out. And when the people you're working for demand the worst of you, there needs to be at least some kind of incentive. Without that, loyalty dries up pretty quickly."

"So you were satisfied to do the dirty work so long as you were getting paid."

"No," he said quickly. "But the idea of Shinra that we'd been fed our whole lives had fallen apart. Reno, for a while, thought that if we worked hard enough, we could rebuild Shinra into something greater. That the company we'd parted with our humanity for could still mean something, so that maybe we could mean something too. But that 'dream' deteriorated with everything else—our loyalty alongside it. It is a weak agency when money is the only thing holding allegiance together. It's the last string to be cut, so to speak."

The last of whatever illusion they could swallow, before it became impossible to keep going.

"Then your loyalty to Cloud is only as strong as your paycheck," she decided.

"Isn't that how it should be?" he asked.

"I don't know," she admitted. "SDS has come to mean so much to so many people—sometimes I think it's almost too much like Shinra, despite the fact that Cloud is actively trying to limit the power so many people who are used to Shinra want him, and WAE, to have."

"Shinra meant security to a lot of people all over the world. When it fell alongside everything else, the world was left with nothing. And until SDS exposed it all, most people had no idea the atrocities Shinra had committed. It was the perfect recipe for someone else to step in and take over."

"Cloud and Barret didn't 'take over,'" she said quickly.

"Can you honestly look at where we are and believe that?"

A question that had her looking away, her lips pursing in discomfort.

"Someone had to step in," he continued. "And while Cloud and Barret have done their best to delegate control back to the city-states and to limit their own influence, little can be done when people want their guidance to extend further. It's not a fault to possess power, nor to use it. The fault lies in what that power is used for."

"Then you don't agree with what Cloud and Barret have been doing?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You said your loyalty only extended as far as your paycheck."

"That has less to do with them and more to do with me," he admitted, staring out across the street as he did. "Finally breaking away from Shinra affected us all differently. Reno, for example, is happy to accept SDS as a new type of security. He says that the leadership may be different, but it's the same as Shinra. And to him, that's a good thing."

"Don't ever say that to Cloud," Tifa said strictly.

"I think even Reno knows better than to do that."

"Do you agree with him?"

He took a steady breath. "I try not to think about it," he eventually said. "Our jobs now are a far cry from what we did for Shinra. And while Reno thinks it's inevitable that Cloud will need our skillset for other things—once SDS reaches its full potential—I…"

"What does he think Cloud's going to need?"

"Reno acknowledges that all power ultimately corrupts. It's something he's come to embrace, or so he's rationalized. He knows the value of his skillset in that regard."

"Cloud won't ever go down that road," she said, believing it whole-heartedly.

Rude merely shrugged.

"Do you agree with him? With Reno?"

"As I said, I try not to think about it."

"Well, I'm asking you to think about it," she said severely. Which earned her his side-eyes, before he took a huffing breath.

"Just as there's no point in rehashing the past, no good can come from fantasizing about the future. Cloud is the type to act in ways most would least expect, and so I see no point in trying to predict what he will and won't do." His gaze dropped to the stairs in front of him. "If I'm being honest—which I assume is the truth you're really looking for—I prefer that no one ask of me what Shinra did ever again."

"Then you don't see things the same way?"

"I find that a simple life isn't entirely without its merits. Boring, certainly, but I don't mind the humility. Yet, even so, it feels less like a lifestyle and more like a vacation."

"Then you do see the same inevitability that Reno does…"

He shook his head. "I know there is potential, just as there is for anything. And if Cloud were to need me as Shinra once had, and I saw the merits in what he was trying to accomplish, then I can't say I would turn him down."

"That's the difference, though," she said. "You could turn him down. He wouldn't punish you for that."

"There are too many variables to be certain of anything," was his reply. "As I said, I prefer not to think about it, as doing so is mostly a waste of time."

"Cloud wouldn't ask anyone to do anything they didn't want to do…"

"It's not about want, it's about necessity. In the end, it's the notion of necessity that makes good people do bad things."

A point she couldn't exactly argue. She'd committed to plenty of 'bad things' despite her uncertainties. And while Shinra had taken advantage of AVALANCHE to cause even more destruction, she hadn't been aware of that for some time afterward. Which meant she'd willingly partaken in activities knowing they would cause lives to be lost. Rude may have hit the switch that sent the plate crashing down, but she'd been just as much a part of it too.

"What is it that you want, then?" she asked. "You told me what Reno wants, but what about you?" It was clear that even if he could understand Reno's point of view, he wasn't wholly invested in it.

He sat, thinking, perhaps, for some time before he finally answered. "I would prefer that things remain as they are," he said. "As I said, living a simple life lacks in excitement, but it's not without merit."

"I guess I can't disagree with you there," she said, once again looking up at the sky as she rocked back on her butt. "Sometimes I wonder at Cloud, because he says he wants to be here, and I think he really thinks he does, but… he left Nibelheim like it was easy, back when we were kids. And even though I know he loves both me and Denzel, it's always like he's… ready to pick up and leave at a moment's notice. Not—Not like leave forever, but I think he'd get… anxious, if he was stuck in one place for too long. He's always… looking for something. Striving for something, maybe."

"People with boundless ambition are always like that," Rude said. "They finish one thing and already have something else lined up."

"I always thought that Cloud would eventually be happy just… being here. That SDS would reach a point like the bar has, where it could support him and itself and that would be enough. But… even if SDS hadn't expanded, I think Cloud would have found something else to focus on." She laughed to herself. "He said, when he was a kid, that he was going to be just like Sephiroth. The 'best of the best.' There was no 'try' or 'wanted to be.' To him, it was an inevitability. Like there was no other option. And I know he has doubts and insecurities, but still, he's so much more… just, 'more' than I could ever be."

"He's not 'more' than you," Rude said. "He's different. More the leader-type, even though he pretends like he's not. But anyone who knows him can see it."

"When he was mako poisoned in Mideel, we were all so lost. I hadn't even realized until that point how much we'd all come to depend on him as our leader. Cid tried his best to take over, but…"

"It takes a certain type of person to bear those responsibilities, be it for good or ill."

"I guess so…" She sighed. "We're supposed to be talking about you and instead I'm talking about Cloud."

Rude hummed. "He's an interesting guy."

"I think I'm just too busy comparing myself and everyone I know to him," she admitted. "It's no wonder Denzel looks at him like he's the sun—everything really does revolve around him."

"He's not the sun, Tifa," Rude said, his voice a tad softer. "You are."

A claim that had her attention flicking his way, startled curiosity evident on her face.

"There's a reason he comes home to you," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "If you really want to use metaphors, he's more like the moon."

Only bright because of the sun's reflective light.

"A leader doesn't amount to much without the support of others," he continued. "He may oftentimes leave, but it's stability that has him coming back. Without something to anchor ourselves, we're as powerless as… leaves in the wind, or something."

Tifa chuckled. "That's a nice way of looking at it."

"It's the honest way of looking at it."

"What about you, then?" she asked.

"Shinra used to be my stability."

"Not anymore, though. And it doesn't sound like SDS does much for you."

He hummed.

"So?"

He didn't answer right away, instead staring up at the stars for some seconds, before eventually turning his attention her way. Still, he said nothing, just watching her until she felt awkwardly compelled to pull her own gaze away, which had him turning back to the sky.

"You're the sun, Tifa," he said lastly, as if it were a definitive fact.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, Tifa smiled to herself and turned her own attention back to the stars.

_9 Year Ago_

Zack was a mess.

A huge, stressed, freaking out mess.

Which was terrible considering how he'd spent most of the day. That was, with Cloud, doing all sorts of dirty, wonderful, sexy, amazing things. But now that Cloud was gone, he was left with nothing but his thoughts, and his thoughts…

They were panicking.

There was no denying at this point that Cloud had feelings for him. Like, a lot of feelings for him. He didn't call what they'd done the night before "wonderful" and then hang out in Zack's apartment, naked and turned on and kissing and touching and laughing, if he didn't. Well, he could, but that would be super shitty, and Zack didn't think Cloud was capable of that, not with his shy little smiles and his sincerity in everything that he said.

Speaking of, he was surprisingly forward and commanding for someone who was usually so insecure—which was about the hottest thing Zack had discovered and something he was definitely going to explore later on.

Wait, no! That wasn't…

He needed to get a grip!

He couldn't do this with Cloud. Not anymore. Fuck, he'd made such a mess of everything. This was all his fault. Cloud was… was younger and looked up to him and trusted him and—and Zack should have had the self-control to keep his distance. But he hadn't and now he was stuck in this horrible situation where he loved Cloud and Cloud maybe liked him a whole hell of a lot too, but he also had a soulmate whose identity he would know sooner rather than later.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ," Zack muttered to himself, dressed in only his sweatpants as he paced up and down his kitchen. He was trying not to get too frazzled, but it wasn't really working. His heart was beating so heavily in his chest it was painful and there was so much anxiety rolling around in his gut that he was certain he was going to be sick. Anxiety that was spreading to the rest of his body, making him a bit shaky on his feet and a little trembly in his hands. None of which was helped by the fact that while he was obviously getting around better, he was still injured.

But he couldn't push any of it away, because he'd have to do something and do something soon whether he liked it or not. It wasn't fair to his soulmate, whoever they were, that he was in love with someone else. And it'd be even worse if he was still "hanging out" with Cloud when he eventually met them. But worse still—what was he supposed to do about Cloud? He couldn't…

He couldn't break Cloud's heart.

After everything Cloud had been through, he was… Zack knew he was the only friend he had. Which made the fact that he'd turned their relationship sexual so, so much worse. There was no way Cloud would take being rejected well. In fact, Zack was… he was worried about the long-term effects it could have. Cloud had been nothing but good to him this whole time—he'd lowered his shields and chosen to trust him. Not just with their friendship, but with his personal life and his past and his emotions and his body. Those weren't small things and given where Cloud had started, he'd _known_ those weren't small things. He'd known this whole time, but instead of yielding to common sense, he'd given in to his dick and the ill-advised feelings he should have been pushing back in the first place.

The way things were and with how they inevitably had to end, all he'd done…

Was take advantage of Cloud. Take advantage of his innocence and his trust and his feelings.

"I'm an asshole," Zack said to himself, aware of the way his voice was choking up, pressure gradually beginning to form in his throat. "I am the biggest asshole, fuck, fuck, _fuck_!"

Everything was going to be ruined. There was no way he could salvage any sort of trust or friendship with Cloud now. It was impossible. Cloud was going to hate him—and be alone, and upset, and…

Fuck, what was he supposed to _do_?!

Breath trembling, Zack swallowed hard and made his way over to the couch. Sitting down, he hunched forward, his hands in his hair and his elbows on his knees. He held so tightly to the black strands that it hurt, but even that couldn't overtake the distress permeating every part of his body.

Why had he let things end up this way? Why, why, why?!

But no matter how many times he asked himself the same question, he never found answers. Which only accelerated his panic, until his leg was shaking with nerves, heel tapping atop the floor, while his throat was clogged with gasping emotion.

Reaching out for his phone—which was sitting on the end table—he sniffed and wiped harshly at his eyes with the heel of his hand, before opening up his text messages. The sight of Cloud's name sent another horrible pang through his chest, leaving his chin trembling as he scrolled down past it to his conversation with Aerith the day before.

**Zack:** I fucked up

 **Zack:** I fuked up so bad

 **Zack:** I dont know wht to do

 **Zack:** im freaking out here

Aerith, thank fuck, replied promptly.

**Aerith:** What's going on?

 **Aerith:** Are you okay?

**Zack:** im the worst person

 **Zack:** the biggest ashole

 **Zack:** I cant even beleve what I did

**Aerith:** Zack, what did you do? It's okay, please, just tell me what happened.

**Zack:** its cloud

 **Zack:** I fucked cloud

 **Zack:** ive screwd everything up

**Aerith:** Okay, first of all, I need you to calm down. Just take some deep breaths.

He tried to, he really did, but it wasn't working.

**Aerith:** Now, start from the beginning, because I know there's more to this than you're telling me.

**Zack:** ok

 **Zack:** its like this

 **Zack:** cloud and I arefriends

 **Zack:** and hes been helping me since I was in hospitl

 **Zack:** so hes been at my place a lot

 **Zack:** and at first it was ok

 **Zack:** becuse we were just friends

 **Zack:** but ive been saying stupid things to him

**Aerith:** Right, you told me about that…

**Zack:** rigt

 **Zack:** and then som stuff happened and he stayed over

 **Zack:** and then when we woke up he was just really hot

 **Zack:** no shirt

 **Zack:** I came on to him

 **Zack:** but then Angeal walked in

 **Zack:** so then cloud sneeked back later

 **Zack:** and stayed over again

 **Zack:** and in the middle of the night

 **Zack:** we ended up havng sex

**Aerith:** Okay…

 **Aerith:** But it was consensual.

**Zack:** that doesnt matter!

 **Zack:** my soulmate is closeby

 **Zack:** and now I fucked cloud

 **Zack:** and cloud is my friend

 **Zack:** he trusts me which is a big deal I think

 **Zack:** and now im freaking out

 **Zack:** becaus he probably has feelings for me

 **Zack:** im his only friend

 **Zack:** but I have a soulmate

 **Zack:** I dont no what to do!

**Aerith:** Zack, I can tell you're still panicking and I need you to stay calm, remember?

 **Aerith:** We can talk this out. Cloud knows about your soulmate, right? Which means he's probably got a better idea about all of this than you're realizing.

**Zack:** no

 **Zack:** cloud doesnt beleive in soulmate stuff

 **Zack:** which means he probably isnt thnking anout that

**Aerith:** But he knows that you value your soulmate, right? Which, again, means he probably understands.

**Zack:** you dont kno him tho

 **Zack:** hes really

 **Zack:** inexperienced

 **Zack:** and I think

 **Zack:** he has feelings for me

 **Zack:** and I shud have stopped this a long time ago

**Aerith:** So… you're afraid of hurting him, is that what you're saying?

**Zack:** yes!

 **Zack:** I dont want to hurt him

 **Zack:** I think

 **Zack:** I kno

 **Zack:** I love him

**Aerith:** You're in love with him…

**Zack:** yea…

**Aerith:** So he likes you, and you love him, and your soulmate is close by.

 **Aerith:** Zack…

**Zack:** I kno!

 **Zack:** I cant believe this is hapening

 **Zack:** I dont want to hurt him

 **Zack:** I cant hurt him

 **Zack:** im afraid of what it would do to him

 **Zack:** and I love him so much

 **Zack:** everyting is fucked

**Aerith:** Well, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. You still haven't found your soulmate, which means that—for the time being—you and Cloud are okay.

**Zack:** not for long

**Aerith:** No, but you have time to talk to him about it. Which is what you need to do the next time you see him. I find it very hard to believe that he can know about your soulmate and not be realistic about what's going on. I mean, you're sure he knows about your soulmate being close by?

**Zack:** yea I asked him about it in the hospital

There were a few appearing and vanishing ellipses before Aerith got her next text out.

**Aerith:** What do you mean you asked him about it?

**Zack:** he was there

 **Zack:** when I got hurt

 **Zack:** I thoght maybe he saw them

 **Zack:** so I asked

**Aerith:** Wait…

 **Aerith:** Cloud was there when you were attacked?

**Zack:** yea

**Aerith:** At the same time you encountered your soulmate?

**Zack:** yea…

Another bout of unsure ellipses.

**Aerith:** So… let me just get a handle on all this.

 **Aerith:** When you were first getting to know Cloud, he refused to so much as say a word to you. Even when he was in trouble, he still wouldn't talk to you. But after you got attacked and met your soulmate, he started talking to you.

**Zack:** uh

 **Zack:** I guess so

**Aerith:** And he was there when you were attacked. You're sure?

**Zack:** yea

 **Zack:** he was on clean up duty

 **Zack:** same as me

Jerking his phone back from his ear, he stared down at it—as it was vibrating—for only a second, before picking up the incoming call from Aerith.

"Yeah?" he asked into the speaker, hoping he didn't sound nearly as upset as he felt.

" _Are you serious, Zack?_ "

Leaning back against the couch, he frowned. "I don't know what you mean."

" _Just… tell me this. When was the first time you ever met Cloud?_ "

"The first time I met him?" he asked, thinking back as best he could. He'd been one of Cloud's instructors to begin with, but he'd met him before that. Right, there'd been that scuffle in the hallway that he'd broken up, which Cloud had been involved in. But…

But didn't he remember thinking he'd seen Cloud somewhere before? So he must have met him prior, but where…?

"I… actually don't remember," he admitted. "I mean, I'd seen him around some, I guess, but…"

" _You must have said something to him at some point. Early on. Before you realized he wasn't talking to you._ "

"You mean, like, before classes started?"

" _I don't know! I just need you to try and remember when it was you met him the first time._ "

"Okay, okay…" Taking a deep breath, Zack peered up at the ceiling as he tried to remember.

When he'd busted Cloud in the hall with those other guys, it'd been before classes had started. But he'd seen Cloud around before that. Where had he seen him? Just… in the halls, maybe? But Zack hadn't really been spending much time near the infantry barracks back then. Besides, Cloud would have only been a recruit a bit before, which meant Zack wouldn't have been seeing him at all.

When had he seen Cloud between being a recruit and when he'd seen him in the hall?

"Oh, I know!" he said suddenly, surging forward in his seat as the memory started to flood back into his head in tandem with his words. "There was that dragon! I remember now. It was in the caves south of here and they had some new recruits doing their first scouting mission there. But this dragon showed up and decimated them. I was sent in to deal with it, and when I got there, I yanked this kid out of the way. He'd gotten trapped behind the dragon somehow."

It was clear as day to him now.

"That was Cloud. That was the first time we met. I yanked him out from behind the dragon before anything worse could happen. I pulled him back up on the ledge before I went in and took care of things. But… Cloud's never mentioned that…" There was no way Cloud didn't remember it—he'd almost died. It was a thought that had Zack sinking with dread, truth be told—the fact that Cloud had nearly kicked the bucket and only been narrowly saved because Zack had shown up just in time.

But why hadn't he ever mentioned it before?

" _Did you say something to him?_ " Aerith prodded.

"Oh, uh… I might have? I don't really remember."

" _By the planet, Zack…_ "

"What?! Why does it matter?!" Frowning, he sank back down into the couch again.

" _How have you not figured it out yet? Why do you think Cloud was refusing to say a word to you for so long?_ "

"Because he was scared of me—that's what he said." Which was what Zack believed. By the sound of Aerith's tone, she was implying there was more to it. Which didn't sit well with him, though he wasn't entirely sure why.

" _And maybe that was true, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he was so stubborn about it the whole time._ "

"Sure it does."

" _Now you're just being ignorant on purpose._ "

"No I'm not."

" _You know the answer._ "

Zack's jaw tightened. "No, I don't." He didn't mean for his voice to go so dark, but he also didn't like what Aerith was implying.

" _It's the only explanation that makes sense._ "

"Except it doesn't," Zack said strictly, shoving himself to his feet as he did. So he could start pacing the room again. "Cloud wouldn't—He'd never—He wouldn't hide something like that. Why would he? There's no way. It doesn't make any sense."

" _Zack…_ "

"Cloud would never do that. Besides, my soulmate would never do that either. If what you're saying is true, then that would mean Cloud was hiding it this whole time. Which doesn't make any sense, because why would he? He knows I've been looking for my soulmate—he knows how important it is to me. He wouldn't do that. No way."

" _Zack, I realize that maybe—_ "

"No, look… If what you're saying is true, then that means this whole time that I've been—that I've been stressing and freaking out, he's known the truth. It means he's been lying to me. It means that he knew how much I wanted to meet my soulmate and still kept lying to me. It means that—that—that we had _sex_ and he let it happen and he didn't—he didn't—No, there's no way he'd do that. And there's no way my soulmate would do that. Soulmates don't treat each other like that."

Aerith audibly cleared her throat. " _You know better than to say something like that to me,_ " she said, sounding very strict as she did.

"No, that's not—Your situation is different. And complicated. And—"

" _And_ _ **your**_ _soulmate would never do anything to hurt you, right?_ "

Zack came to a stop in front of his desk, his expression going stonily serious. "Cloud wouldn't hurt me like that."

" _Maybe he has a good reason for—_ "

"There isn't any good reason for that!" he said, not meaning to snap and regretting it immediately. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm down. "That's a critical thing you don't hide from someone. If what you're saying is true, then it's like… like…"

Like Cloud was taking advantage of _him_. He wasn't sure how, but that's what it felt like. Because if Aerith was right and Cloud was his… Then that meant he'd been holding the truth above Zack's head this whole time. He'd been getting closer to him and befriending him and taking care of him and… and being intimate with him, and he'd never said a damn word.

Maybe it wasn't the same thing as taking advantage. Or maybe it was like—like—

Like Cloud was betraying his trust, if any of this was true.

It meant that Cloud wasn't as honest and open and trustworthy as Zack thought he was. It meant he was capable of keeping secrets that could alter Zack's entire life without—without realizing or—or caring how important it was. Which meant he didn't care about Zack's feelings in all this, which meant he didn't care about Zack nearly as much as he thought he did.

But then… If Cloud was his soulmate, then he should care, right? His soulmate wouldn't have kept this kind of stuff from him, or befriended him without saying anything, or _slept with him_ without telling him the truth. Because that would be absolute and total bullshit, and—and cruel and—

" _Zack…?_ "

"I don't…" He couldn't even wrap his head around it. "It doesn't make any sense," he said again, though his voice was notably shaken. "Why didn't he say anything? Why—Why did he let things get this far without telling me? I don't—I can't—"

" _I don't… I don't know, Zack. You'll have to ask him that yourself. Maybe… Maybe he has a good reason._ "

"What reason could there be for this?" Zack asked, sitting down again, this time on the edge of his bed. "It doesn't make any sense. This isn't—This isn't how it was supposed to work. None of this is right. There's not—I can't—I have to go."

" _Okay. I'm here, if you need to talk again._ "

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll… talk to you later."

" _Bye…_ "

Pulling the phone from his ear, Zack stared down at it for a few moments, so assaulted by the influx of emotions surging through him that all he could really register was a thick numbness. Numbness caused by so many clashing ideas that left him overwhelmed and…

And devastated.

Yet, even then, he couldn't pin down exactly why. On one hand, if Aerith was right, then he knew who his soulmate was. It meant that—that he was already in love with his soulmate.

But even so, the thought left a hollow chasm in his chest, because that also meant his soulmate had been lying to him. Somehow using him, almost, or so it felt despite the fact that he couldn't really articulate anything he was feeling. Which were charges he didn't want to put on Cloud, because Cloud was supposed to be good and honest and kind. Someone who cared about him wouldn't have been lying to him about something so important. His _soulmate_ wasn't supposed to lie about something so important.

None of it made sense.

Yet, the longer he sat thinking about it, the more the idea began to weasel its way into his brain—like a splinter sliding beneath thin skin. It was raw and hurtful and confusing. And above everything else he was grappling with, Zack began to feel…

He began to feel angry.

Which was a rare feeling for him. That wasn't to say he didn't get mad or frustrated, but such things were generally fleeting. Yet, this rose up through him gradually, like cold water slowly coming to a boil. He was angry at the whole idea. But he was also angry at Cloud, because he knew so much and wasn't saying anything. Because he had the upper hand in a conflict that Zack didn't even know he was a part of. A conflict that wouldn't have even needed to be one had Cloud been honest from the start.

Why was he lying? Why was he getting as close to Zack as he was without saying anything? Granted, Zack knew Cloud had doubts about soulmates, but he obviously wasn't doubtful enough to continue pushing Zack away. Which meant he should have been honest.

What excuse could he possibly have for this? That would somehow alleviate this anger and hurt and confusion? He had to have a reason, right? Like, a legitimate reason for not saying anything. Yet, though Zack tried, he couldn't come up with one on his own. But Cloud—

Cloud probably knew something he didn't.

Well, as it would turn out, Cloud had always known more. Been keeping plenty to himself while Zack had been the stupid one. He should have figured it out. Aerith had without half the context, yet he'd been too much of an idiot to put two and two together. And Cloud had known that—known he wouldn't figure it out—and so had used that stupidity to his advantage. Whatever advantage there was to not telling the truth.

The more he thought about it, the angrier Zack got. Until he was once again pacing up and down the kitchen, practically fuming.

It was all just too much. On one hand, he wanted to excuse Cloud and assume the best—that there was a legitimate reason why this was happening. But on the other, he couldn't possibly fathom what that reason could be, which only fueled his anger.

He needed to get to the bottom of this. He needed to talk to Cloud as soon as possible.

Slamming himself down onto his couch, he pulled up his phone again and went directly to his chat with Cloud:

**Zack:** we need to talk

 **Zack:** as soon as you get out of class

 **Zack:** you better get up here

 **Zack:** and explain what the fuck is going on

**Zack:**

He stared at the screen for some time, hardly aware of having sent the messages at all. Eventually—after maybe fifteen minutes—the little alert at the bottom of the text box appeared, making it clear to him that Cloud had, at the very least, seen his messages.

Another heavy thirty seconds passed before those telltale ellipses appeared, Zack's heart surging into his throat.

**Cloud:** Okay.

Okay?

 _Okay_?!

Was that really all he had to say?

No, he needed to chill. Cloud was in class—he probably didn't have time to text anything else. Besides, it'd be better to talk in person than through their phones.

Still, he'd expected Cloud to at least be, well, curious. It was clear from Zack's texts that he was unhappy, yet Cloud hadn't even bothered to question him. He'd just agreed.

Or given in, perhaps.

Zack didn't know what to expect. He paced around the apartment for the next half an hour, trying to figure out what he was going to say or what Cloud could possibly say, all of it inevitably leading him down a rabbit hole that offered only building frustration. By the time nine o'clock rolled around, his anger had turned his frustration into impatience. He wanted answers and he wanted Cloud there to give them to him.

Pulsing beneath it all, though, was anxiety. Because he was also hoping that somehow, some way, Cloud would have strong enough reasoning to alleviate everything he was feeling. He didn't like the anger and frustration and betrayal. He didn't want to be mad at Cloud.

Yet, somehow, such an outcome felt further and further away the more he was left to wait.

It was about ten minutes after nine when he heard his apartment door click, before it was swinging open. Coming to a stop in the kitchen, Zack watched as Cloud came slowly in. He was still wearing his uniform, which made him look smaller than he already was. Or maybe it was his hunched posture that gave off such an impression, his expression tense and movements defensive as he stepped fully inside.

He came to a stop just beyond the door, his eyes coming up to meet Zack's gaze only quickly, before they were darting down to the floor.

He looked…

Guilty.

Which only dropped Zack's spirits further.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, he reminded himself to stay calm. He didn't really know where to start, or what to say. Part of him wanted Cloud to step up and say it himself, but the tense silence between them and Cloud's uncomfortably nervous shifting made it pretty clear that wasn't going to happen.

"Just…" So Zack struggled to find words instead. "I need to know, first, before anything else…" He took another deep breath. "Are you my soulmate?"

Cloud practically flinched away from the question, his chin trembling some as he chewed at his bottom lip.

"Yes," he eventually muttered, still refusing to meet Zack's gaze.

It was certainly… an answer. One that Zack was having a hard time deciding whether or not he'd wanted to hear.

Silence once again bloated up between them, Zack yet hoping that perhaps Cloud would step up and explain himself. But, again, he was disappointed.

"You've known… this whole time," Zack eventually said, looking for verification.

Cloud didn't say anything, but he did eventually nod.

While Zack was having an increasingly hard time keeping his emotions from bursting at the seams.

"Let me get this straight," he continued, his words shaking some. "You knew from the very beginning—from the first time we ever met—and decided not to say a thing about it."

"I didn't… I wasn't…"

"Why?" Zack asked, sounding a little more desperate than he probably should have. "Just tell me why?"

Cloud visibly gulped, his breath trembling as he reached up and pulled anxiously at a spike growing down alongside his cheek. "At—At first I was just scared to tell you. But then—"

"Why though?" Zack couldn't wrap his head around it. "Why would you have been scared? You knew we were soulmates—what was there to be scared of?"

Cloud finally looked up at him, something akin to confusion swimming in his eyes.

"I just—I didn't—I didn't want you to be…"

"To be what?" Zack snapped, which had Cloud flinching back again.

"You're a First Class SOLDIER," he said weakly.

Reasoning that had Zack's head spinning, his anger once again boiling up inside of him.

"Okay, fine, you were scared of me. At first. But at least after my accident you stopped being scared of me, because you were coming to see me every day. I specifically _asked you_ about my soulmate, Cloud. And you didn't _say_ anything!"

"I wasn't scared of you like—like that. Not like what you're thinking."

"Then tell me! You've said that before and I don't understand what you're talking about!"

"I just thought that if I had more time to get on your level, then it'd be better. But then—"

"What does that mean?"

"—you started focusing on me and then other stuff happened and you got hurt and I wanted to tell you, but then you were going on about how much your soulmate meant to you and how perfect you knew they would be and I'm not any of those things! And I figured we could just be friends, but then other stuff started happening and—"

"Wait, wait, wait," Zack gritted his teeth and took a steadying breath. "So… you just weren't going to tell me at all."

"I—I—I wanted to, but I was just—It was—"

Zack's voice was shaking now, the anxious emotion he'd been having trouble with all day flooding up through him. "Do you have any idea how stressed out I've been about this? Like, did you even consider that?"

A question that rendered Cloud silent.

"I've been… beating myself up for _weeks_ over the fact that I knew my soulmate was close by, but I had feelings for you. I've been stressed and—and—and freaking out because I didn't want to hurt you, or them, but you… you knew this _entire time_. You knew! What the fuck, Cloud?"

"I didn't—I didn't think…"

"Did it not occur to you? You know how much I've wanted to meet my soulmate. I _told_ you! Didn't you ever stop to think that maybe, given everything that's happened between us, I might be a little—I don't know—torn about what was going on? About what we were doing?!"

An admission that had Cloud looking at the floor again, which only frustrated Zack even more.

"And I still don't understand why? Why you didn't say anything! You—You should have at least said something after I woke up in the hospital! After everything that went down and after you finally started talking to me, but you didn't! And you didn't say anything the whole time we were hanging out! We—We had _sex_ last night, Cloud, and—and then everything earlier today, but you didn't fucking _say_ anything!"

"I was going to. I wanted to tell you. But then this morning—and I was afraid of ruining everything and—"

"Ruining everything? How would you being honest have ruined everything?!"

"I knew you'd be angry and—"

"I would have been less angry if you'd told me yourself, at least!" Instead of him having to figure it out on his own. Scratch that, having to get help to figure it out, because apparently he was too dumb to have seen all the clues. "I don't understand why—from the beginning—you just kept stretching it out. Did you think I was too stupid to figure it out so you'd just keep hiding it?"

"No! No, I never thought that." He actually reached out then, but was pulling his hand back a second later. "I never thought you were stupid, Zack. And I wasn't hiding it on purpose. I mean, I was, but it wasn't like—I didn't mean—"

"Just tell me why," Zack insisted again. "I keep asking why and you keep giving me answers that I don't understand."

"I was just afraid!"

"Afraid of _what_?!"

"Afraid of being a disappointment!"

Reasoning that still wasn't illustrative enough to satisfy Zack, because that wasn't a good enough reason to hide something so vital from someone who was supposed to be valued.

"I'd be less disappointed if you'd been honest from the start!" Zack rebuked. "I wouldn't have been disappointed at all! But instead, you chose to lie and hide things and—and what am I supposed to think now? How am I supposed to trust you?!"

A question that must have hit Cloud hard, because his expression broke, lashes blinking rapidly as he pulled in a trembling breath. "I've never l—lied to you. Not about a—a—anything else."

"But you have, Cloud! Not telling me you're my soulmate means you've been telling me lies this whole time! I asked you why you refused to talk to me and you lied! I asked if you knew anything about my soulmate and you lied! It—It feels like every moment we were together was a lie because you—you _knew_!

"I've been more open with you than I've been with anyone in a long time and you were _hiding_ things from me! Things that impact my entire life! Because you were afraid of disappointing me? That's not good enough!"

Cloud was wiping at his eyes with the backs of his hands, a sight that only pushed Zack's own overwhelmed emotions to the brink. He didn't like seeing Cloud upset, and the protective part of him wanted to do something about it. But then the anger and frustration stopped him. And the confusion and betrayal left him hanging in limbo.

"I don't even know what to think of you right now," he admitted brokenly, his hands coming up to cover his face, before he ran them back through his hair.

"I never lied to you about anything else," Cloud said. "Other than the soulmate stuff, I never…"

"I wish you had just told me from the beginning," Zack muttered, sinking into a crouch as he closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair again. "This is all so fucked up now. None of this is right."

"I didn't—I didn't mean to mess things up…"

"You're my soulmate, Cloud. I'm not supposed to be worried about you lying to me, or whether or not I can trust you _not_ to do that." He stood again, a headache beginning to form in his temples. "I just—I can't understand why you did this." Because none of the reasons he'd given felt good enough to justify where they'd ended up.

"I don't—I don't know…" Cloud replied weakly, sounding helpless.

"This isn't how this is supposed to go," Zack continued. "We're not supposed to be like this. If you had just been honest from the beginning, then this whole fucked up situation could have been avoided."

Cloud's gaze dropped to the floor. "I know," he whispered.

"I don't know… what I'm supposed to do about this," Zack said. "About you. About why this happened. About—About why you're like this—we're like this. Why everything is like this."

Cloud had looked up at him again, finally, but the look on his face was akin to startled uncertainty. "What—What do you mean?" he asked.

"I don't know, I don't know."

"You don't know what to do with me?" Cloud asked then. "About why I'm like this? Like _what_?"

"About why you've been lying to me!" Zack persisted. "About why you—you—" He gestured vaguely up and down Cloud's person. "About what I'm supposed to think about this!"

"And by this, you mean me," Cloud rebuked.

"I mean what you did!"

"Which isn't something you think I should have done."

"Of course I don't think you should have done it! That's what I just said!"

"Because I'm your soulmate," Cloud said bitterly—brokenly. "Because a 'perfect' soulmate wouldn't have lied to you. Well, you're right, I'm not perfect."

"Don't even, Cloud," Zack cut in. "That's bullshit and you know it. That's not some kind of acceptable excuse for what _you_ did!"

"I'm not the one trying to excuse it, you are!"

"I'm trying to understand it!"

"No, you're more upset about the fact that your _soulmate_ did this than the fact that _I_ did it!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! You _are_ my soulmate! And soulmates aren't supposed to treat each other this way!"

Growling, Cloud pulled at his hair, another wave of tears leaking down his cheeks. "I knew it," he was muttering. "I knew this is what would happen."

"What?! That I'd be angry you _lied_ to me?!"

"That I was never going to be good enough!" Cloud shouted back.

"You would have been good enough if you hadn't lied in the first place!"

A claim that had something like a bitter, hysterical laugh leaving Cloud's throat, his hands still gripping tight at his blonde spikes. Before he suddenly turned and took a step toward the door.

"Hey!" Zack was after him in a flash, reaching out to grab his arm. "You can't just—"

" _Don't fucking touch me!_ " he yelled, something razor-sharp echoing in his voice as he ripped his arm out of Zack's reach, just as Zack's fingertips were skimming the fabric of his uniform. He whipped around in the same moment, backing up toward the door as Zack took his own step back, blinking in startled surprise.

He'd hadn't—He'd hadn't heard Cloud sound so… scathing before. At least, not toward him.

Never toward him.

Trembling, Cloud had backed fully up against the door, tears still streaming down his face, chin and lips trembling, eyes bloodshot, as he stared up at Zack. Stared at him with the same kind of hurt and betrayal that Zack was feeling.

Until those shields that Zack had worked for weeks to tear away were collapsing back into place, Cloud biting down so hard on his lower lip that he drew blood.

Reaching into his pocket, he clumsily pulled out the lanyard and keycard that had given him access to the apartment in the first place. He dropped it shortly after, leaving it to clatter atop the floor.

Something else clanked to the ground as well, Zack flicking his attention down just long enough to watch an orb of green healing materia roll slowly past the side of his foot.

Before he was glancing back up at Cloud again, who took in a shaky, skipping breath as he reached for the door handle.

"Fuck you, Zack," he murmured, his voice sounding scratchy and strained.

With a simple tug of the door, he slipped out into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The turks are always challenging to write about, because they have done some pretty horrible things, but Square also wants us to like them? I dunno, it was just an interesting thing to explore, because what Rude and Reno did with the plate is kind of irredeemable. But, again, based on Advent Children, it seems like Square wants us to forgive them? I dunno. I guess Rude and Tifa's conversation was just as much ME talking to the characters as they were talking to each other, in a lot of ways. 
> 
> And the past... Well, it is... what it is, or something, hahahaha! I'm sure you'll all have plenty to say about it ;D
> 
> I'd also like to mention that I'm incredibly thankful for all the reviews and support this story has been getting. I know I don't reply to reviews, but that doesn't mean I'm not reading them. Over and over and over again. So thank you guys so much for keeping me inspired to continue this story <3 <3 <3
> 
> HEY! I post chapter previews and talk nonsense about my work on my twitter - SKayLanphear - so y'all should join me there. It's a good time!


	19. Chapter 19

_Present Day_

Everything was loud.

Torturously loud. Like he was sitting at the base of a waterfall with his ear turned toward the cascading water. He tried to roll away—to struggle against it—but his equilibrium was off. It was impossible to tell up from down, to tell which side was which. Making it worse was this constant weakness plaguing his body, like he was sick with the flu. It left his arms and legs heavy, his head so congested he thought it might explode. He was dizzy and faint, as if on the verge of going unconscious all the time. Which would have been a relief from the pounding water in his ears, so loud that he couldn't even hear his own heartbeat even as it throbbed nauseously all over his body.

He didn't know how he could breathe—by all logic, he should be drowning. But like he was resting on the point between life and suffocation, he was given just enough air to live. Just enough to stay awake even as his eyes remained heavily closed.

Occasionally, he'd manage a surge of energy. Enough that he could crack his eyes open and peer through the green haze. It was in these fleeting moments that he was aware of the mask on his face, which was pumping air—and maybe other chemicals—into his body. That he could see the glass surrounding him on all sides, caging him in place.

And sometimes, he'd get a glimpse of what lay beyond. Of the people in lab coats puttering around the room. Of the big machines hanging threateningly overhead. Of the florescent lights that sent pulsating aches through his head.

But mostly, he was aware of the tank beside his own. Any time he had the energy, this was where his focus went. To the thin body just inches away, yet barred from him by layers of glass.

 _Cloud_ , his thoughts would whisper, his eyes desperately dragging up and down Cloud's naked form, hunched and suspended in a pool of green just like his own.

He had to do something. He had to… He had…

But then weakness would take over again, and he'd be victim to the walls of loud, excruciating water closing in. Closing in so tightly it was painful. The lights dancing on the backs of his eyelids were flashing and volatile. The reactor at Nibel, the heat of the Nibelheim fire.

Sephiroth and his crazed eyes. Eyes so thin and bright and—

Surging free of the water, Zack gasped as he sat up, his eyes wide as he struggled to breathe, even as his lungs huffed easily in and out. Before he was groaning in pain, his right arm stinging so terribly that he was reaching out to hold it. To wrap his hand around whatever it was that was hurting.

Except that the moment he did, the pain shot from his arm to his temple, memories of the burning town, of Sephiroth with Jenova, of Cloud wielding the buster sword, zinging so brutally through his head that he was yelling out, both his hands coming up to pull at his hair as he turned to the side and was sick all over the grass.

He sat there for some time then, breath labored, body sweating and shaking. Until he was finally able to blink back at the past, the empty fields and the night sky opening up before him.

Right, he wasn't in Hojo's lab, or back in Nibelheim. All of that was over and done with.

Just a dream. Well, more like a nightmare.

Sitting back, Zack swallowed hard and slowly managed to catch his breath, the nerves that were jittering all over his body beginning to calm. Until he could finally feel again—his own limbs, his heartbeat, the breeze over his skin.

And the stinging ache still assaulting his right arm. Weaker now, but present nonetheless.

Peering through the darkness, he lifted his arm to get a better look. "What the hell…?" he muttered to himself, staring at the black puss that was streaking down the outside of his upper arm. It was… pretty gross, truth be told, and he quickly reached up to wipe it away. "Where did this come from?" he said, looking around as he wiped to see what in the world his arm had been lying in while he'd been sleeping. But all he found was dirt and grass.

"Fuck!" he hissed, when another surge of stinging pain bubbled up his arm. Like he'd knocked a wound or something. He didn't remember getting hurt. Sure, he'd fought plenty of monsters that day, but he'd have noticed if he'd gotten bitten or clawed.

Finally, with enough of the puss cleaned away, he could see the source of the problem. He was hurt or… something. There was definitely a mark—like a very small, somewhat veiny open cut. Except that instead of the expected red, it was… black.

Had his _arm_ been leaking the black puss?

"What the hell is this?" he muttered, only moderately thankful that the wound didn't appear to be dripping anymore. It was still open, but dry. Yet, still very, very black and very, very strange.

"Was I poisoned or something?" He muttered to himself. But he was pretty familiar with the monsters native to the area—he'd fought them off before—and he was fairly certain none of them were capable of inflicting a wound like this.

Then again, it'd been years since he'd been, well, around. Plenty had changed, so perhaps that went for the monsters as well.

Hopefully, it'd start to clear up by the morning.

Huffing, Zack flopped back down in the grass, trying to use the stars as a distraction from the nightmare that had woken him up. This wasn't the first time he'd had nightmares related to his time in Nibelheim. He'd had them nearly every night when he and Cloud had been on the run, at least in the beginning. And even though they were usually less visceral than what he'd just experienced, part of his subconscious was always wallowing in that tortured part of his past.

It'd felt so real this time though. Like he'd really been there…

Maybe it was the fact that he was headed back to Nibelheim again. Continuing to return to the site of all the shit he'd gone through couldn't be good for his brain, after all.

But if he wanted to get to that airship Nanaki had talked about in Rocket Town, he needed to first pass through the Nibel mountain range.

_"Where is it?" Zack asked. He was once again sitting on one of the stools at Nanaki's dining table, his gaze focused on the ribbon and white materia still held in his hands._

_He'd tried to leave the materia behind with the others, rationalizing that it was likely safer with Nanaki than with him. But if it was true that Aerith was the one who'd given it to him, then…_

_Giving it up was just… too hard. At least for now._

_"What?" Nanaki asked. He was behind Zack, sitting there, watching him. He could feel the focus of that single golden eye on his back._

_"This Forgotten City you talked about," he said, his voice hoarse from his emotional breakdown in the planetarium. "I want to know where it is. I want… I want to go there."_

_Nanaki was clearly surprised at the idea, before he looked Zack up and down. "It's no easy task, getting there," he explained. "It's on the northern continent, far out of the way of any other settlements in the area."_

_"I don't care," Zack said. "I want to go there. I want…" He didn't know what it'd accomplish, going to the place where Aerith had died. But like visiting a grave, he felt it was necessary. For closure, or maybe his own grief. He wasn't entirely sure, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Besides, he had to look everywhere in the world that he could in order to find Cloud. And while he doubted this Forgotten City was the place he'd find him, it'd give him reason to explore any other towns that far north, no matter their distance._

_"Even for a SOLDIER, it will not be easy, getting there. The monsters in the area are strong, and there's no clear-cut path. The city itself is surrounded in a sleeping forest, which will require the Lunar Harp in order to pass through. And even then, you must reach the forest first."_

_"Where can I find this Lunar Harp?"_

_"You're really determined to go?"_

_Zack nodded._

_And Nanaki sighed. "Then it is fortuitous that I have it here with me," he explained, his claim causing Zack to perk up some. "I keep many of the unique items myself and my companions found during our travels, much like I keep the huge materia. I am… willing to lend you the harp, but I would also appreciate that you return it to me. It isn't something to be lost or forgotten."_

_"I'll bring it back, I promise," Zack said quickly._

_Nanaki still looked a bit uneasy, but nodded nonetheless._

_"What's the best way to get there?"_

_"There is no 'best way.' The closest settlement to the Forgotten City is a place called Bone Village. But you will have to trek across this continent to Costa del Sol in order to get passage there, and even then, the boats between there and the village are irregular. They only go out when necessary—mostly at the request of the archeologists in Bone Village. They will oftentimes go months without any visits."_

_Frowning, Zack slumped. That didn't sound at all promising._

_"The other option is to set out from Icicle Inn, which is further away, but easier to get to. It lies west of the Forgotten City. I know that, unlike Bone Village, they get mail and goods regularly. Not as regularly as towns on the two main continents, but an airship from Rocket Town does head out that way at least twice a month."_

_"Well," Zack huffed, "Icicle Inn it is, then."_

_"It's still not that simple," Nanaki continued. "There is a mountain range between Icicle Inn and the Forgotten City, as well as the vast snow fields. It will be a long, strenuous journey, one that you will have to take on foot, as there is no transport. Which puts you in the way of the chilling elements and the monsters that live by them."_

_"I've been through worse," Zack countered. Granted, he'd spent limited time in the snow and ice, even as a SOLDIER, but if he could drag Cloud around for a year fighting off both monsters and Shinra, then he was confident he could do this. Besides, Nanaki and whoever his friends were, they'd done it. Aerith had done it too, for that matter._

_One way or another, he'd make it._

_"How do I get to Rocket Town?" he asked then. He'd heard of the town, but he'd never actually been there._

_"Again, there's no easy way of getting there. Rocket Town is just beyond the Nibel mountain range, so you'll have to get through before you can reach it."_

_That meant he had to go back the way he'd come. Which was annoying because, one, he didn't want to go to Nibelheim again, but also because it made his previous trip there a total waste of time. If 'fate' really was guiding him, as Nanaki had said, then it was doing a piss-poor job with planning and outlining his progress, because he should have ended up in Cosmo Canyon before he'd gone to Nibelheim._

_Oh well._

_"It could be worse," Zack ultimately decided._

_"You mentioned that you rode in with Vincent," Nanaki said. "If you wait until next week, you can ride out with him again, though it will then take you nearly another week to reach Nibelheim, based on what I know of his pick-up and delivery route."_

_Zack shook his head. "Nah, that's okay." He didn't want to get caught up with SDS again. "I'll just hike it. I know the area around Nibelheim pretty well." Monsters included._

_And while Nanaki did stare at him curiously, he inevitably nodded._

_"You said I can take an airship to Icicle Inn?"_

_"Yes. Highwind Transit and Airship Technologies is based in Rocket Town. Though… Cid, the owner, can be a bit difficult to work with. It will help if you have a note from me, explaining your situation."_

_Zack cocked his head to the side curiously. "You can write?"_

_"No," Nanaki said shortly, "but you can."_

_Nanaki had a piece of paper and a pen in Zack's hands a few seconds later, Zack writing out exactly what Nanaki told him to. It came across more like a permission slip than anything else, which was fine so long as it got Zack what he wanted. Lastly, Nanaki dipped his whole right paw in a shallow bowl of red ink, before he stamped his mark on the bottom of the page. His way of validating its contents, perhaps._

_"And this'll get me on an airship?" Zack asked, folding the note and sticking it into his pack—once the ink was dry, of course._

_"Hard to say. Cid can be difficult, as I said, but hopefully it will be of some help."_

Which was all Zack could really ask for, he supposed, given how generous Nanaki had been with him. Aside from the note, he'd supplied him with the Lunar Harp—which Zack had kept carefully wrapped as he'd placed it in his pack—and even allowed him to stay the night.

He'd left early the next morning, stocking up on a few meager supplies before he'd headed out into the country. Which had probably been for the best, as he'd been running dangerously low on gil. But now that he'd spent a few days hacking away at monsters, he'd managed to stock up some on the small, golden pellets the people of Gaia had decided were worth using as currency. It wasn't refined gil, but it'd still do the trick.

He'd needed the combat practice, truth be told. While his skills weren't the least bit depleted, his body was… rusty. Not in the sense that he was slow or clumsy, but after the first dozen or so monsters, he'd actually been rather sore, which was very out of the ordinary. It wasn't wholly dissimilar to how he'd felt right after escaping Hojo's lab, which once again had him questioning where he'd spent the last four years.

But after a few days hiking through the outdoors, that had faded, leaving him as ready for conflict as ever. Better, even, than he had been when he'd been working for Shinra. The year he'd spent on the run with Cloud had been, by far, the most strenuous in his life. He'd pushed his body to the limit most of the time, having to take on plenty of monsters alone that would have presented a significant challenge even for a First Class. He was leaps and bounds ahead of where he'd been in his youth as a result, thankful that the progress he'd made while he'd been MIA hadn't faded from muscle memory.

The only thing that would help would be some materia. He had the white materia of course, which he'd decided to keep equipped in the top slot of his sword despite the fact that he couldn't use it. But if getting to the Forgotten City was going to be as challenging as Nanaki had said, he'd need some additional equipment. Hopefully, he'd be able to purchase some armor and accessories, on top of at least a few basic materia, once he reached Nibelheim. It'd be tight, even with all the monsters he'd slain, but he wasn't too bad of a haggler on a good day.

As things currently stood, he estimated he was about day or so out from Nibelheim. The rust-colored cliffs surrounding Cosmo Canyon had faded to rolling, green plains, which were dotted occasionally by forests. Unfortunately—between all the monsters and the river he'd had to struggle across—he was looking a little worse for wear. But he'd have to buy some heavier clothes in order to traverse the northern continent anyway, so perhaps it was all moot in the end.

At least he had Angeal's Buster Sword, which gave him the confidence to keep going. That, and Aerith's blessing, as he looked at it. He'd tied her ribbon around the handle of his sword, at the very base, and it'd kept him inspired even when the monsters had dared to surround him. He was on a mission, after all, and he didn't intend to have it cut short any time soon.

Truthfully, it was the peace and quiet that was harder to handle. He knew it was safer to be alone. To stay as under the radar as possible. But even so, he'd never dealt with being alone very well. In a lot of ways, he'd been just as dependent on Cloud when they'd been running as Cloud had been on him. Now that he was totally on his own, it was that much harder to keep his thoughts and worries at bay. Sleeping was a challenge as well, as it always had been. None of which was helped by the trauma that now haunted whatever dreams he had, when he managed to find enough sleep to have them at all.

But he also knew that he couldn't let exhaustion or… loneliness get him down. Cloud was out there—he had the soulmark to prove it—and so he'd keep going. Go to the ends of the world if he had to.

Thinking about his soulmark had him pulling his arm up to get a look at it, even as the rising sun began to brighten the sky above. It was comforting, seeing those familiar words there. True, they rang of desperation—of a time when he'd been so foolish and young—but it was still those memories that brought him the most comfort. Before Nibelheim and everything that had followed.

There were the new words as well, printed right beneath:

_Is it really you?_

He didn't quite know what to make of the new mark, and while it was certainly perplexing, he wasn't exactly concerned. Whatever it meant, he and Cloud would figure it out once they were together again. Cloud would remain his priority, even as he made his way to the Forgotten City. Once they were reunited, everything would work out.

One step at a time.

Sitting up, Zack supposed there was no real point in continuing to "rest," seeing as the day was upon him and he wasn't likely to fall asleep again anyway. Rolling up onto his feet, he stretched a bit before bending down for his sword and his pack. With them both in place, he turned north, once more ready to move on.

The wild, ungroomed plains were dry and long this late in the summer, the sun harsh. But not as harsh as it was further south where Zack had grown up, nor was there much in the way of humidity because of the breeze coming down off the mountains, which were little more than a haze of fog in the distance. Sometimes he found himself wading through nearly waist-high grass, while other times he was stepping around rocks imbedded in the hardened ground. Monsters showed up to bother him occasionally, but they were dispatched easily enough.

By late afternoon, he found himself on a hill overlooking a shallow valley. The road to Nibelheim ran through the center of it, Zack's cross-country trekking having taken him well off its winding course. That he was coming upon it meant that he had to be getting close. But how close was hard to gauge. And while he didn't mind being out in the wilderness, he wouldn't complain if he were to arrive that evening.

But as he kept hiking—jogging a good majority of the time—the sun continued to sink, neither the town nor the mountains revealing themselves from the foggy horizon. Nor did any cars pass by on the road, which made hitch-hiking the rest of the way impossible. Sure, he wanted to stay out of the way of SDS, but being so close to his destination now, he wouldn't mind a ride the rest of the way.

Yet, by the looks of it, he was going to be spending another night out beneath the stars.

It was as he was making his way through a patch of thin, spindly trees—maybe a forest in the making—that he heard it. The rumbling sound of an engine. The road was just up a bank about half a mile from his current position, which meant that if he moved fast enough, he might be able to catch the passerby before they passed him.

Sprinting through the trees, he pushed himself to move as fast as he could, even as the roaring engine of the approaching vehicle grew louder and louder. Vaulting over a downed stump, he was nearly there, his legs carrying him easily around a few more trees before he was scrambling up the side of the bank.

Yet, as he surged onto the road, hand out and thumb raised, he was disappointed to see that he was too late. The sound of the engine was fading now, Zack peering down the road after the dust cloud that followed.

Was it a motorcycle?

Well, they probably wouldn't have stopped for him anyway, if that was the case.

Oh well.

Slumping, Zack loitered for a while longer in the road, trying to decide if he should make camp or just keep going. He eventually decided that he was unlikely to get much sleep anyway, so he might as well keep moving.

He followed the road now, kicking stones out of his way as the sky continued to darken. He kept hoping as the hours drew on that he'd come upon the town, but he was still walking well after midnight. Which meant he did need to try and get some sleep. Heading off to a grassy patch behind a big rock—so no one on the road could see him—he settled down for what little sleep he was likely to get. He managed a few hours before the pain in his arm woke him up again, the echoes of nightmares once more haunting his thoughts.

The wound, it was leaking puss again, and looking no better than it had the day before. Frowning, Zack wiped away the black residue, before reaching into his pack and pulling out a roll of bandages. He wrapped his arm quickly, hoping that would help with whatever sort of wound it was. It didn't exactly look worse a day later, but it obviously wasn't better either.

Once his arm was wrapped, he grabbed up his stuff and headed out once again.

Thankfully, he managed better results that day than he had the day before. By the time midmorning was rolling around, he could finally see the outline of the mountains through the haze, and shortly after noon, the silhouette of Nibelheim's steepled rooves finally faded into view.

He was strolling into town an hour or so later, aware of the stares he gathered as he headed down the main street. Probably because he was covered in dirt and had a few tears in both his pants and shirt. No one approached him, however, and soon he was leaving behind the newer additions to the town for the original square, where he knew he could do a little shopping and perhaps get a room at the inn. It was a bit early to be turning in, but seeing as he'd walked for most of the night, he could use a break.

He was stopping in his tracks, however, at the sight that awaited him as he rounded his way through the cobblestone streets.

Parked outside the front of the inn was not one, but three vehicles, two of which were familiar. Furthest back was Vincent's piece of shit van, looking as much the eyesore then as it had before. And next to it was Yuffie's truck, sitting somewhat crookedly in comparison to the others.

Lastly, parked at the end of the row, was an impressively big bike. It had dual tires on the front with a wide one on the back, the whole thing decked out in black with gold pipes and detailing. It was… a beautiful bike. Even Zack could tell that much despite the fact that he had very little experience with motorcycles. He'd gone through the training to man them, which Shinra had required of all SOLDIERS, but he'd never really taken much interest otherwise.

This bike, though, was clearly worth more than a bundle of gil. Despite himself, Zack shuffled a little closer, wanting to get a better look. While it was a bit dusty from whatever drive had taken it to Nibelheim, it was obviously very well taken care of. Every bit of it was pristine, his reflection staring back at him despite the dirt.

"Isn't it cool?"

Turning, he watched as three children flocked up around him, all of them staring at the bike in equal amounts of awe.

"I saw it last time, but I was sick and could only look at it through the window," another one of them said.

"It's so pretty," added the last one.

"Whose is it?" Zack asked, maintaining his critical stare on the bike as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"It belongs to, uh, SDS," one of the kids replied.

An explanation that had Zack sighing. Because of _course_ it did. Something this expensive, it'd have to belong to some higher up from SDS. These delivery people were as bad a Shinra—always everywhere he didn't want them to be. Granted, he'd known SDS was going to be in Nibelheim—frankly, the sight of Vincent and Yuffie's vehicles should have spelled it out—but he'd still hoped to miss them.

"I don't remember his name though," the kid continued. "Something like Cliff Strike, maybe? My mom was talking about him earlier. That the president came to investigate the reactor."

"The president?" Zack asked.

"Yeah! Of SDS!"

The _president_ of SDS was there? This guy had come all this way to investigate the tremors himself?

While Zack supposed it was admirable or something for a corporate type, it mostly just made him even more apprehensive than usual. He'd been trying to avoid SDS and now the president of the entire company was right around the corner.

"Is he inside?" Zack asked, pointing to the inn.

"I think so." One of the kids nodded. "I think he's in there talking to the mayor. I bet they're making a plan or something! Maybe we'll get to see him fight some monsters!" The kid made a slashing motion with his arm.

"The president of SDS is going to fight monsters?" Zack asked.

"Yeah! He's _really_ strong!"

Zack pursed his lips, uncertain whether to be doubtful or even more uneasy at the idea of this guy being considered "formidable."

Debating just a second longer, he ultimately decided that staying at the inn might not be such a good idea. Not if the place was going to be crawling with SDS, the fact that they'd been pretty generous and helpful to him aside. Drawing attention to himself was the last thing he wanted, which meant continuing to avoid SDS was necessary, even if it was inconvenient.

Sparing the inn one final look, Zack huffed and surrendered himself to the fact that he wasn't going to be getting a warm bed after all. He'd do better to get his shopping done and head out. He could camp out in the mountains, once he'd gotten a decent start into the pass.

Leaving the bike behind, he headed across the square toward the shop on the other side, having just passed by the well when a familiar voice caught the attention of his sensitive ears. Sliding back behind the well and hopefully out of sight, he turned to watch as both Yuffie and Vincent came marching out of the inn.

"Ugh, that guy is so annoying!" Yuffie was saying, her hands up in the air. She was obviously exasperated.

"He's just trying to do his due diligence in protecting his town," Vincent said stiffly.

"Not him!" she said shortly.

"Oh, you mean—"

"Yes! You saw the way he let the mayor walk all over him!"

Vincent crossed his arms, the two of them standing just outside the inn. "I would imagine he was trying to be diplomatic."

"Ugh! Diplomacy is overrated."

"Why are you worried about it? We're still going to end up doing the investigation our way. They won't follow us into the mountains."

"That's not the point!" she insisted, and growled shortly after. "Whatever! The sooner they stop yapping, the sooner we can leave!"

Then they'd be heading into the pass sooner rather than later, Zack decided. Turning back to the shop, he frowned. He could wait until they left and follow after, but that would leave him hanging around town longer than he'd prefer. But if he skipped shopping and headed out right away, then he could probably stay a fair distance ahead of them.

Besides, if they were investigating the reactor, then they'd likely be held up there for quite some time.

The sooner he passed by the reactor, then, the better off he'd be.

Once again looking to the inn, he checked to make sure the two appeared distracted with each other before he walked straight across to the other side of the square, still mostly out of sight. He then ducked down between two houses, sliding in through the shadows until he was coming out the back.

It was all so strikingly familiar, the act of sneaking around this town in particular. It dredged up uncomfortable memories and left him feeling worn down. But it was better than getting caught up with the new Shinra wannabes. People talked about them like they were great, and some had even said they were sympathetic to SOLDIERS. But Zack had seen enough of the world to know that could all be a farce, and he didn't want his own past to get dragged into the light beneath people that might see him more as a threat than the victims both he and Cloud had been. Besides, the whole "hiring SOLDIERS" thing sounded like a means of simply using their skills in much the same way Shinra had, and he had no interest in getting caught up in that sort of thing again.

He just wanted to find Cloud and live a simple life away from the bullshit that had…

That had destroyed everything he loved.

Slipping along the backs of the houses, he managed to get up past the Shinra mansion before he had to duck back out onto the road. He was far enough away from the inn not to be visible, however, and as soon as he'd rounded the cliff face that officially blocked out the town, he broke into a jog.

He had the rest of the afternoon to get as far as possible. If he moved quickly enough, then no one would ever know he'd even been there.

_9 Years Ago_

Zack didn't know what to do about Cloud—a thread that had become quite common of late. Mostly because there were so many emotions tugging on that thread at all times. He was mad at Cloud, and frustrated with him, and betrayed by him. But he also missed him and wanted to see him and wanted to pretend like this whole thing had never happened. Like they could just exist together in a vacuum without any of the fighting or stress.

Which was a stupid thing to hope for and left Zack feeling all the more helpless. Frankly put, he didn't think he was the one that needed to resolve this situation. He wasn't sure how it could be resolved—because he wasn't entirely sure how to accept the things Cloud had done—but he felt quite right in the fact that he hadn't been in the wrong despite how upset Cloud was and that he deserved…

Something. An apology, maybe, though he wasn't sure what that would do in the end.

He just wanted Cloud to do something. To do something to make this all right so they could go back to being infatuated and happy.

Because no matter how mad he was at Cloud, he still loved him. Loved him to pieces.

He'd spent a majority of the night—after Cloud had left—in tears. He hadn't cried this much in… years. Since he was a kid, probably. But there was something about the way Cloud had just walked out—the way he'd dropped the vital things that connected them—that twisted in his chest like a knife. It made him feel like he didn't matter—like Cloud could just abandon everything they had together without a second thought. Which was stupid, because clearly Cloud had been upset. But he also hadn't come back. Or texted. Or anything.

Swallowing back on the tears that wanted to once again come pouring down his cheeks, Zack reached up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

In the other, he held the mastered materia Cloud had left behind. Healing materia, the orb that was kept in the SOLDIER storeroom in Zack's lockbox. True, he had to check it out in order to use it, but it was still his.

Gripping it a little tighter, he ran a hand back through his hair.

It was the materia Cloud had used to save his life, obviously. Materia he'd swiped from Zack's own bracer in order to cast the cure spell that had made it possible for him to get back to HQ before his injury had left him too far gone to fix.

Cloud had kept it this whole time…

And even so, he hadn't _said_ anything.

Shaking his head—as if that would somehow rid him of his problems—Zack pulled his phone out of his pocket. The time read 10:17am. He had a meeting with Tseng at 10:30—the first work related activity he'd had in weeks. It was his interview, the one Angeal had warned him about. Not that he was worried, even if the anxieties about what was going on with Shinra were still weighing at the back of his thoughts.

It gave structure to his day, at the very least, and reason to get dressed. There was no way he was fit for duty, but pulling on his uniform—boots, leather belts, pauldrons and all—was somehow refreshing. He couldn't equip the buster sword as it was definitely too much weight to be carrying around over his wound site. But it was a little bit of normalcy amongst the rest of the chaos in his life.

He'd probably end up at the meeting a little early, but he wasn't sure he could stand sitting around with his thoughts for much longer. He hated being alone as it was.

Standing, he dropped the materia into one pocket and his phone into the other, before grabbing his keycard and heading out the door. Ignoring as best he could the way everything—literally everything—reminded him of Cloud, he instead tried to entertain all the questions Tseng was likely to ask him. If only as a means of finding distraction.

The ride down three levels didn't take long, the elevator doors opening up to the Turks main area of operation. The lobby was grand in scale and extravagant, as all things in Shinra HQ were, and Zack made his way quickly down the quiet hallway to the receptionist sitting behind the desk at the end.

"I have a meeting with Tseng in ten minutes," he said simply, a little disappointed in himself for sounding so down. He didn't even have the energy to offer her a smile. Not that a Turk, or even someone who worked for them, would care for that sort of charm.

"Have a seat over there," she said simply, gesturing to the leather couches sitting off to the side. Nodding, Zack headed over and plopped himself down, preoccupying himself as best he could with the marble lines spidering across the walls. It wouldn't do for him to start thinking about Cloud, as he had no desire to break down in public.

Thankfully, Tseng didn't keep him waiting too long, coming out five minutes early to retrieve him.

"You're looking better," he said as he approached, his hands clasped behind his back as he looked Zack up and down.

"Feelin' better," Zack replied, once again aware that his voice lacked its normal flair. But if Tseng noticed, he didn't comment, instead settling for a critical eye as Zack pushed himself to his feet.

"Let's go to my office," he said a moment later, before turning to lead the way.

Zack followed without a word.

Truth be told, he wasn't Tseng's biggest fan. Like, at all. They'd worked together plenty, as Tseng had always been the assigned Turk to go along on Zack's more delicate missions. Well, until he'd been promoted to second-in-command of the Turks, at which point Zack had pretty much stopped seeing him altogether.

He didn't exactly hate Tseng, but that had less to do with the guy himself and more to do with Aerith asking him _not_ to hate him. The whole situation, as he knew it, was complicated. Aerith was the last of the ancients—or the cetra, as she'd called them the only time she'd ever talked to him about it—and Tseng was the man in charge of keeping an eye on her. Keeping an eye on her for Shinra, that was. The fact that they were soulmates was, apparently, secondary on Tseng's list of priorities.

And apparently Aerith's too, oddly enough. Zack had been expectedly surprised when she'd told him the truth of the matter, but also been equally unaffected herself. "I'm not worried about it," she'd said, and offered him an easy smile. It was a subject he'd never pressed her any further about, nor had he ever broached the subject with Tseng. He thought maybe that by keeping an eye on Aerith, Tseng was also protecting her. But then, that was almost too gallant sounding for someone like Tseng. He was, by far, the most ruthless bastard that Zack had ever met. He was never afraid to do what needed to be done in order to reach whatever end, and tended to work on the lesser side of morality more often than not.

There was a reason he'd moved up so fast in the Turk hierarchy, after all.

Which left Zack all the more baffled by the fact that he was Aerith's—of all peoples—soulmate. Aside from the fact that there was a drastic age difference between them, Aerith was a florist with a heart of gold that would probably prefer not to kill monsters if she could help it. Whereas Tseng had no problem at all with dispatching anyone, whether there was reason to do so or not. He never relished in violence, but he certainly took no qualms with it either.

In the end, he was a person that Zack just couldn't read. And while he had a few choice opinions of his own on the soulmate matter, it wasn't his place to get involved. Tseng wasn't hurting Aerith, obviously. Why would he? They _were_ soulmates, after all. He didn't understand their dynamic, but Aerith never seemed too upset about it, which was reason enough for him not to be.

It was a bit weird, looking back, that Aerith had gotten into a relationship with him despite Tseng already being around. She hadn't told him the truth about the situation until after they'd broken up. And seeing as Tseng was the one keeping tabs on Aerith, he had to have known when they were together. Yet he'd never mentioned it to Zack, nor held any sort of obvious antagonism toward him.

No matter the case, Zack had long since settled on the fact that he wouldn't ever understand. Maybe when Tseng retired or something, they'd get together. Whatever the case, Aerith wasn't bothered, so he wasn't bothered.

"Have a seat," Tseng said as they entered his office. It was a simple enough layout—dark, like so many of the rooms on this particular floor—but strictly lined and serious. He had a large desk at the back of the room and a black leather couch sitting in front of it. Which was where Zack made himself comfortable, while Tseng rounded his desk and took a more graceful seat in his desk chair.

"It's good to see you've recovered so quickly," he eventually started. "It was touch and go there for a while, from what I heard."

"I, for sure, wouldn't want to go through it again," Zack verified, managing a very small smirk as he did. It felt incredibly insincere on his face. "But we're not here to talk about my recovery."

"No, certainly not," Tseng agreed. "As you know, we're here to discuss the cause of your recovery. Well, your injury, rather." Twining his fingers together atop his desk, Tseng leaned forward some. "Let's just start with what happened."

"Monster attack," Zack said simply. "Under the plate. I wasn't being as careful as I should have been. Angeal told me not to do anything until he got there, but I stuck my nose in anyway. Guess I got what was coming to me."

"Given the warning, listening to the general would have been advisable."

Warning? He must have been talking about the info R&D had given them prior—that if it was the monster that had "escaped their lab," there'd likely be sticky black secretion in the area. Which meant that it'd be a bad idea not to bring it up. He could play dumb, but he didn't want to play too dumb.

"I guess I figured any monster that had escaped R&D would be easier to deal with. I didn't think they'd be keeping something that huge locked up in HQ."

"I suppose all sorts of risks have to be taken in the pursuit of science."

Risks, huh? Like keeping those kinds of monsters locked up in the reactors where they could escape and endanger the entire populace? Not that Zack could say that. Instead, he nodded once in acknowledgment.

"I guess so. Either way, Angeal and Sephiroth took care of it, right? So problem solved."

"You seem to be taking this whole thing in stride considering you nearly lost your life."

Zack shrugged. "I think that kind of danger is part of my job. It's not the first time I've been knocked around."

"You don't find it… problematic, that such a creature was being held in Shinra HQ?"

"I mean, it's like you said—risks have to be taken, right? Besides, it was dealt with before anything happened. Not like those kinds of monsters are busting up the city on a regular basis." He squinted his eyes thoughtfully. "Why? Should I find it problematic?"

Tseng shrugged. "That's wholly up to you, I suppose."

Zack frowned. "I mean… no one's said anything about it being a big deal, so I guess that means everything is fine." It was clear that Tseng knew something was going on, or potentially was, which meant that playing too dumb could backfire. Give a little, take a little. "If something was wrong, then Angeal would have told me…"

"Do you take all your cues from General Hewley?"

That was a trick question. Were they testing his loyalties? Were things really that tense between Shinra and the generals? Or were the Turks just being thorough?

Zack chuckled. "Obviously not." He gestured to where he'd been stabbed. "But Angeal's my direct superior and mentor, so I trust his judgement most of the time. Besides, if there is a problem with what happened, it's a bit above my paygrade. I'm here to be the brawn, not the brains. After all the missions you and I had together, you should know that."

Tseng raised an eyebrow in acknowledgment, before feigning a look at some of the documents sitting on the desk in front of him. "It says here that you returned to HQ with cure residue in your wounds. But the general wasn't the one who cast the spell."

Zack took only a second to consider his response, as taking longer was likely to draw too much attention to the circumstances under scrutiny. The last thing Zack wanted were the Turks focusing in on Cloud, but he also had to be careful not to, again, come across as too ignorant.

"Yeah. One of the infantrymen managed to cast it. Saved my life."

"It was one… Cloud Strife," he replied.

So he knew the identity of the caster. Not that Zack should be surprised. While he hadn't yet been privy to the incident report—nor had the other generals as far as he knew—the Turks were another matter entirely. Besides, Cloud had already been interrogated, so there was a chance he'd revealed the fact that he'd been the one that had gone to Zack after he'd been stabbed.

In the end, it didn't matter where Tseng had gotten his information—the fact was that he had it and that it'd do no one any good for Zack to act like he also didn't know. Even though he hadn't actually known until the day before.

Convenient, in a sick sort of way.

"Yeah. He took my materia out of my bracer, I think. I owe him, really."

"He almost died casting that spell, or so his own medical file stated. You were lucky he could cast it at all, seeing as he has no prior experience with even low level materia."

He'd almost died? He'd… He'd never said anything about that. Of course he hadn't, or so Zack thought bitterly. Just another frustration to add to the ever-growing list. He wasn't sure if he was more annoyed, worried, touched, or upset that Cloud had done something so entirely foolish.

"Well, I never said I asked him to do it. But I still appreciate it."

"You and Strife," Tseng sat back in his chair, "you're close?"

Zack felt his insides go a little cold. "Why?"

"He has a log history at the med bay, where he'd gone to see you almost every day. As well as one noted guest check-in on the basis of bringing you groceries."

"We're friends, sure," Zack conceded. "But why does that matter?"

"It doesn't," Tseng said simply. "But it must make this whole situation that much worse for you, knowing that your own actions got someone important to you… hurt."

Now that was a threat. One that immediately had Zack's insides simmering. Was he really suggesting that if he wasn't careful, Shinra would use Cloud as leverage to keep him under control? Were they that paranoid about what was going on?

Or maybe the Turks were simply trying to cover all the bases. Give him reason to stay in line before the idea of stepping out even crossed his mind.

"I hadn't thought of it that way," he said coldly. "But now that you bring it up, I'll have to keep it in mind."

Tseng raised his eyebrows, as if to silently say "see that you do," before he nodded once and pushed his chair back from the desk. He stood up a second later, Zack taking that as hint enough that their brief conversation—while enlightening—was over.

Ignoring the slight ache that pulled at his chest and back, Zack got to his feet as well. He followed Tseng to the door, both of them settling for silence as they shared only a quick look, before Zack was heading out. He paused just outside, listening to the way the door clicked, before he found himself wholly alone at the end of the dim, quiet hallway. It felt more as though he'd been cast out, which wasn't—admittedly—all that comforting given his doubts about Shinra of late.

Despite having done so little, the ache from his wounds was very obvious now. But he also knew that if he returned to his apartment to "rest," he'd just continue to toil over everything that had happened. He needed…

He needed some clarity.

He needed to talk to someone about what was going on.

His thoughts went initially to Aerith, but it probably wasn't wise to actually leave HQ given that he wasn't entirely sure how long his stamina would hold up. Which meant he could call her, but…

He'd been cooped up for so long, he missed people.

Maybe Angeal would be around.

Deciding he'd rather just drop in and see as opposed to texting—he wanted an excuse to do something, no matter how inconsequential—he eventually found himself back in the elevator heading nearly all the way down. A few people filed in and out on the way, none of them paying him much mind, and soon he was headed down the hall toward Angeal's office.

He wondered fleetingly at the chance of encountering Cloud, but then reminded himself that he was on duty. It was a strange feeling, being both relieved and disappointed.

Finally reaching Angeal's office, he knocked once and spoke, "It's me."

"Zack?" a voice said from the other side, the fact that his mentor was there at all easing his nerves more than he'd have expected.

Taking Angeal's surprise as invitation, he pushed his way inside just as the general was standing up from his chair behind his desk. He paused as Zack entered, before sitting back down again.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as Zack made his way to the chair across from him. "Are you okay to be out? You look… tired. You could have texted me and I'd have come to see you if you needed to talk to me."

Zack waved off his concerns as he sat down, holding back a cringe at the pain that zinged through his back. "I had a meeting with Tseng anyway."

A fact that had Angeal's expression going dark.

"It wasn't a big deal," he continued, uncertain if he believed his own words or not. "He just asked me about what happened, and about… Cloud using my materia."

He watched Angeal carefully then, if only to gauge his reaction, and was a little annoyed that his mentor didn't appear at all surprised. Instead, he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, looking more suspicious than anything else.

"Why was he asking about Strife?"

"Trying to warn me about staying in line, I think," he explained. "Apparently they know Cloud and I are friends, and figure they can use him as leverage to keep me from doing anything 'ill-advised,' should the circumstances arise."

Angeal frowned. "Similar things have been said to the rest of us as well, where it's equitable. I wouldn't take it too much to heart. You're not the one that's been questioning Shinra's upper echelon."

"I think they were trying to figure out just how loyal I am to you," he continued. "They didn't get much of an answer, obviously, but…"

"It means someone is worried," Angeal noted. "Or at least noticing the tension, even if Heidegger can't be bothered to take our concerns seriously. Still, I'm not too worried at the moment. Genesis and I leave for Banora in a few hours, so we'll see what happens after we get there."

Zack nodded, taking a sighing breath as he resituated himself in the chair.

"What is it, Zack?" Angeal asked. "You're not yourself. Even when you were at your worst in the hospital, you were more energized than this. Have you… Have you been crying?" His voice was full only of concern, but even so, drawing attention to Zack's emotional upheaval only made it that much more difficult to keep everything under control.

Despite himself, his lips wanted to start trembling, his lashes blinking rapidly.

"Zack…"

"Did you know?" he asked, his voice somewhat choked. "You weren't surprised about Cloud and the materia. Did you know he was the one that…?"

Angeal was clearly perplexed by his question. "I haven't gotten the incident report yet," he said slowly, "but I assumed it was probably Strife that somehow managed the cast, after some thought on the situation. Why, Zack? Did you not know?"

"No," he said bitterly, his fingers tightening around the arms of the chair. "I didn't know anything!"

A statement that only befuddled Angeal further. "What are you talking about?"

"Cloud's my soulmate," he said simply, even as his voice cracked around the words. "This whole time and I didn't know!"

Angeal's expression darkened once again. "What do you mean you didn't know?"

"I only figured it out yesterday."

"He didn't tell you?" Angeal said swiftly, something akin to anger flaring in his eyes. "I thought he'd told you."

Zack took a moment to digest his words. "Wait… You knew?"

Groaning, Angeal leaned forward on the desk and cradled his head in his hands. "I told him to tell you," he started. "After the incident with the other infantrymen, when he was in the hospital. That if he didn't tell you, I would. You two have gotten so close so quickly, I assumed… He really didn't tell you?"

"No!" Zack said, finally releasing some of his frustration. "It was only because Aerith put the pieces together that I figured it out at all. So I made him come up to my apartment because I was pissed, and then we got into this big fight and he walked out and I'm still angry and—"

"Alright, slow down," Angeal said, ever-calm. "Let's just… take this one step at a time. So you confronted him?"

"Of course!" He wasn't exactly the type to shy away from confrontation. He was a SOLDIER. "And now I'm even more pissed off, because _you_ told him to tell me and he still fucking lied! Like, over and over and over!"

"What did he say when you confronted him?"

"Not much of anything! I explained why I was angry and he kept kind of trying to explain, except that none of his reasons were really good enough, and then he started getting upset, which made me even more upset, and then he was yelling at me like I'm the one who did something wrong before storming out the door!"

Angeal released another pained sigh.

"This isn't how it's supposed to work," Zack continued. "Soulmates aren't supposed to lie to each other and—and hide things. I don't even know what to do about any of this!"

"Because he betrayed your trust," Angeal affirmed.

"Well, yeah! I mean, who's to say he won't lie about other stuff if he thinks I won't figure it out? If he thinks it'll be easier to deal with if he doesn't say anything? That's not okay!"

"I'm going to need you to expand a bit here," Angeal said calmly. "What do you mean by it being easier not to say anything?"

"Just… all the reasons he tried to give for not telling me from the beginning. That he was scared of me because I was a SOLDIER, but that he wasn't scared in the way I thought he was—which I still can't figure out—and then that he was afraid of disappointing me or something. Despite the fact that I'm more disappointed now than I would have been if he'd said something earlier. If he'd said anything at all!"

Looking exasperated, Angeal once again cradled his forehead with one hand, as if he was trying to wrap his head around everything Zack was saying. Which Zack figured was fair, because he was still having trouble wrapping his own head around it.

"I mean, I get that I'm intimidating or something," Zack continued. "But we've been friends for a while now, to the point where it's pretty safe to say he definitely wasn't afraid of me anymore, so even if that excuse was good enough—which it's _not_ —that doesn't explain why he still didn't say anything."

"I don't disagree with you," Angeal said quickly, perhaps as a way of trying to pacify him before he got too worked up. "He should have told you from the beginning and I'm also incredibly disappointed that he didn't tell you the truth."

"Right?! So why was he the one that got all mad and walked out? I have the right to be angry, don't I?"

Angeal waved him off, which only had Zack sitting back in a pout.

"I'm not saying you don't have the right to be angry—you do."

"I know I do…" Zack muttered, only slightly comforted at the validation.

"But… I'm getting the impression there's more going on here."

"Well, if there is, then I don't know what. Probably more stuff that Cloud's not telling me."

Angeal was not impressed by his pettiness, which left him to sulk and turn away until he could get a more rational head on. Which Angeal waited patiently for him to do.

"I just don't get it," he eventually muttered, unable to hide how broken up he was. "We're soulmates. Why wasn't that enough from the beginning for him to be honest? Like, I get he doesn't really buy into the whole soulmate thing, but still… I deserved to at least know or… something…"

"What do you mean he doesn't buy into it?"

"I don't really know," he admitted. "I mean, I know that his parents were soulmates and that his dad left when he was a baby. Which… okay, I get why that would mess a person up. And then we got into this other fight before, about soulmates, so I just… didn't really bring it up after that."

"Hold on. His father abandoned him and his mother and never came back?"

"Right."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Angeal muttered.

"What?"

"Just…" He paused to seemingly gather his thoughts. "What exactly was the reason he gave you for not being honest?"

"I told you, he was scared or something, or afraid of disappointing me. Which is totally counterproductive given where we are now."

"That's exactly what he said?"

"I mean, I guess…"

"Zack."

"I don't know, we were yelling at each other! Just…" he tried to think back. "He said… He said he was afraid of being a disappointment. Which, again, doesn't make any sense, because we've gotten close enough by now that it's pretty clear I'm not going to view him that way."

"Look, Zack, don't… don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying that I approve of what he did, because I don't. Absolutely not do I condone the fact that he lied to you this long no matter his reasons. But I also think you're missing what's really going on here."

Which had Zack curling his nose.

"He was abandoned, Zack. Both him and his mother. That's not an easy thing to deal with, especially in the world we live in. Single parents have a horrible time because of the expectations surrounding soulmates. And the stigma around soulmates that don't work out is… devastating. If he claimed he was afraid of being a disappointment—if those were his exact words—then he's probably not talking about _just_ disappointing you. And when he says he's scared of you, he probably _doesn't_ mean in the way you're thinking."

"Then what the hell does he actually mean?!" Zack asked.

"He probably means that he's afraid you'll leave," Angeal said simply.

Which baffled Zack. "Why would I leave? He's my soulmate. And he knows how big of a deal that is to me."

Angeal vaguely shook his head. "You don't understand just how crippling abandonment issues can be, Zack. His parents were soulmates too. And were involved enough to create him, which says something about the 'perceived' devotion there, no matter the truth of the matter. Only for his father to abandon them? Zack, he's probably terrified that you'll leave, because as far as his experiences have taught him, the loyalty of soulmates means absolutely nothing."

"But it doesn't mean nothing to me…"

"This isn't about what you think." Irritation dropped down on Angeal's face. "Look, I know that you were excited about the idea of your soulmate and that you… wanted to fall in love right away and that you wanted that fairytale, which is… adorable, but… you do realize that's not how adult relationships work, right?"

Zack stared at him for some moments, feeling a bit stuck. "Except that…" he started slowly, "if Cloud had just been honest from the beginning, then none of this would be happening. We would have been happy from the start."

"He _wasn't_ honest, Zack. And no matter what he should have done, that's not what happened. He _did_ lie to you. He _did_ hide things."

"But—"

"No 'buts,' Zack. Your idea of what you think he should have done because he's your soulmate doesn't matter. He's not… He's a _person_ , not some idea in your head."

"I know that," Zack snapped, doing his best to ignore the cold chill creeping down his spine. "But we're soulmates and he shouldn't have—"

"You need to drop the soulmate thing for a minute," Angeal said swiftly. "This isn't some romantic movie where everything works out a certain way because 'fate' decided it should. That's not how the real world works and that's not how real relationships work."

His words were stark and to the point, and had Zack instinctively keeping quiet.

"Cloud is not your soulmate first. He is a human being with… a lot of baggage, by the sounds of it, who is your soulmate somewhere a lot further down the line. Like I said, you have every right to be angry at him, but that anger should be at his dishonesty, not because you have some hyper-romantic idea of what should have happened that he failed to fulfill. Is that honestly why you're frustrated? Because he didn't adhere to some idea you have of how soulmates should treat each other?"

A question Zack didn't know how to respond to, because it seemed like common sense that his soulmate shouldn't have treated him this way, yet Angeal was… asking him to question that?

"If it's the latter, then you need to do just as much introspection on this situation as he does," Angeal continued. "Cloud was not born to simply meet you and fill in a quota as your 'other half.' Maybe you two do share two halves of the same soul, but he's a totally different person from you with different experiences, different outlooks, and different needs. And that will _always_ be the case. Being soulmates doesn't mean that everything between you just… magically comes together. That fairytale in your head isn't real and it will never be real and the sooner you get that straight, the sooner you can actually deal with the problem at hand."

"I know it's not real…" Zack muttered.

"I don't think that you do," Angeal said fiercely. "And I'm a little wary at this point to ask what else you've said to him on the subject. Because if you've said anything to him like what you've been saying to me… His fear was already crippling enough to start this whole mess. How do you think he feels if he knows you expect something that literally no one could ever hope to deliver?"

"That's not—I never… I don't want him to be something he's not," Zack reasoned, though he wasn't sure if he was talking more to himself or Angeal. "I just want us to be… happy."

"Well, you're not always going to be happy," Angeal said, shrugging shortly as he did. "Sometimes you're going to be angry and frustrated and upset. And going back to blame that on some arbitrary idea of what you think _should_ be happening does neither of you any favors. Soulmates or not, relationships are hard work. Something that Strife probably has a better idea about than you do. Because despite lying to you and the debilitating insecurities he probably has that led him to do so, you both still ended up… close. He willingly put himself in a position where he's seen firsthand the hurt that can result. For someone who's dealing with the baggage he has, that is incredibly significant."

Which Zack hadn't thought about. At all.

Maybe… Maybe Angeal was right. Had he really been so wrapped up in his idea of soulmates that he hadn't considered how Cloud looked at the situation? Of course he knew that Cloud had doubts about soulmates, but… but he'd never really thought about what that meant, had he? Because he'd just assumed that his own soulmate's situation wouldn't be like that, as if… as if someone with Cloud's insecurities couldn't be his soulmate.

It was a thought that hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, everything he'd ever said to Cloud about soulmates was hammering him just as hard, if only because he was finally realizing how… frustrated Cloud must have been. He'd known the truth the whole time, for better or worse, which meant that when Zack had been prattling on about his… expectations, as they would have been perceived, Cloud had been stuck in this increasingly pressurized vat of everything he could never live up to.

"That's what he meant," Zack said suddenly, his hands coming up to cover his face as he leaned forward on his knees. "He said something about how he wasn't perfect and I thought he was just trying to… excuse what he did. But that's not what he was trying to say at all…"

He'd just been trying to get Zack to understand that whether he'd messed up in hiding the truth or not, he couldn't meet the expectations he thought Zack had of him. Which made the rest of the argument… so much worse.

"That's why he was so upset when he left," Zack realized, his own voice choking up again.

"What?" Angeal prodded.

"He said something about… about how I was more upset that his soulmate had done this than the fact that he had, which went right over my head." Because it was, in essence, the same thing Angeal was telling him now. "And then he was going on about how he knew this would happen, and I was just too mad to get it. He said he knew he was never going to be good enough and I—" Just remembering what he'd said brought tears flooding up behind his eyes, no amount of self-control able to stop them from streaking down his cheeks. "I—I told him that—that he would have been good enough if he—if he hadn't lied in the first place."

Which was the equivalent of saying that the mistake he'd made was somehow unforgivable, because they couldn't go back in time and undo it, so he couldn't ever be "good enough."

Reaching up, Angeal rubbed at his temples. "Zack…"

"I verified every fear he has," he said brokenly. "I—I said the worst thing I could have said, didn't I?"

"Now, just, don't get worked up."

But how could he not?

How had he been so blind? He _knew_ that Cloud had insecurities pertaining to his father, he _knew_ that these things reflected on his views of soulmates, he _knew_ Cloud generally feared not being good enough as far as his dreams and aspirations—that these inadequacies permeated everything he tried to do. Yet… the moment he'd found out that Cloud was his soulmate, it was like those details had taken a backseat to…

To this idiotic vision he'd always had about what a soulmate was supposed to be. He'd been so obsessed with what he thought Cloud should be that he'd disregarded everything he actually was.

Which had resulted in careless words that had probably hurt Cloud so, so much more than he'd ever intended.

"I need to go talk to him," he suddenly decided. "I need to tell him I'm sorry. I need—"

"Hold on," Angeal said strictly, cutting through his rambling and yanking his attention back. "You're swinging from one extreme to the other here, Zack."

"But he needs to know I don't actually think—"

"He does need to know, but you also need to stop yourself from flying in, trying to play hero."

"What?"

"Just because you said some nasty things, doesn't undo the fact that he lied." A point that had Zack flinching back. "Strife's trauma might help enlighten his motives, but it doesn't justify his actions. Your anger and disappointment are valid. And you need to make sure he knows that." Zack almost interrupted, but Angeal held up a hand in order to silence him. "But you also need to make sure he understands that this isn't the end of the world. You're angry, but you're not leaving him, right?"

Zack took a shaky breath. "Of course not."

"Then you need to tell him that. Because he needs to get that he's allowed to make mistakes and that you're not going to abandon him as a result. But it's not good for you to simply excuse his actions because you… feel bad that he's feeling bad. That's an even slipperier slope to an unhealthier dynamic than you're already dealing with. The fact that he's had a hard time growing up doesn't mean you're not allowed to be angry with him."

Swallowing hard, Zack nodded.

"What you both need to do is sit down and have a conversation, instead of yelling at each other. Everybody yells sometimes and we all say things we don't mean, but it's how we deal with that after the fact that makes a difference. If you start that dialogue now—if you open up the lines of communication between you two from the beginning—then you'll save yourself a lot of grief down the line."

Leaning forward, Angeal watched him critically. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Zack nodded again. "Yeah, I think so," he said quietly.

"You can and should explain and apologize for what you said, but that same sentiment doesn't apply to how you feel. He needs to understand the depth of his mistake and how much it hurt you. Hiding that from him is no different than what he's been hiding from you."

"Okay…"

"Zack…?"

"Sorry," he muttered. "I just… This whole thing is such a mess. I wish I'd… handled it differently."

"Hindsight is 20/20," Angeal said simply. "And zero for zero as far as helpfulness. You can't undo what you did, just like what he did can't be undone. All you can do now is deal with it."

Which meant he needed to talk to Cloud. Actually _talk_ to him, whether either of them wanted to do it or not. Trying to wish away the problem wasn't going to do anyone any good.

"Hey," Angeal said gently, Zack taking a heavy second to meet his gaze. "It'll be okay."

"Yeah…" Zack said weakly, his voice barely audible—uncertain. "Right…"

He and Cloud, they could make it okay… somehow. They had to, because they were…

But now Zack found himself calling into question everything he'd always assumed soulmates were meant to be. With his parents and other family members as examples, he'd just accepted that such was the "right" way, but maybe… maybe their own situations weren't even that clear cut. After all, there were so many people he knew otherwise whose experiences were so vastly different.

Angeal's soulmate, he knew, had died young, when Angeal had been just a child. Aerith and Tseng, as things were, had no future together—neither of them even seemed interested in pursuing such a thing. Cloud's parents, they were a mess. And now his own relationship with his soulmate was broken.

Why had he always just assumed this was easy? He'd had so many examples, yet been… purposefully blinded by his own ideas.

So many new fears were assaulting him now. Fears that hadn't been possible before. He loved Cloud, he really did, and suddenly that was so much scarier than anything to do with soulmates. Being afraid of breaking Cloud's heart, of breaking his own heart, had been… safer, when he'd thought fate was going to be there to catch them. That wasn't to say the idea hadn't been excruciating, but it was the difference between sitting in a boiling pot and falling into an endless pit. The boiling water might have burned them both, severely, but at least he'd been able to see the bottom, no matter how charred and mottled.

Yet, now he felt like he was falling with no idea where he might land. If it was possible to land at all. Because Cloud was everything—his soulmate and the person he loved—and there was no guarantee that anything would work out between them. Not then and not in the future. Where he'd previously thought there'd been a concrete path leading him on, he was instead looking into a vast, empty expanse of space. He didn't know where to go or what to do, and was suddenly very much aware of the fact that if he took a wrong turn or step, everything could fall apart.

It might already be falling apart…

"Zack," Angeal said again, his voice even gentler, if at all possible.

"I need to go talk to him," he muttered, aware of the way his breath shook in his chest.

"I think that's a good idea."

Nodding, Zack remained where he was only long enough to gather as much of his limited composure as he could, before he was shakily pushing himself to his feet. He spared Angeal only a quick look, before he was turning and heading to the door.

Once out in the quiet hallway, he took a moment to catch his breath, eyes closing as he leaned back against Angeal's closed door. But no matter how he grappled with the situation, all potential avenues kept eluding him. He didn't know what he'd say to Cloud, only that he needed to say something.

They both did, really.

Pulling out his phone, he went to the app that would log him into Shinra's database, before looking up Cloud. According to his schedule, he was stationed on the ground floor, guarding the east entrance.

Stuffing his phone back into his pocket, Zack then wrapped his hand around the green materia tucked there as well, before he braced himself and headed for the elevator. Naturally, what he was doing wasn't really okay on company time, but if Angeal had had a problem with it, he'd have said something. Since he hadn't, Zack figured it was okay for him to hijack Cloud for his own purposes, as Firsts technically had the power to do so as long as it was warranted.

He was a bundle of nerves as he reached the first floor, feeling almost sick the closer he got to the east entrance. It was busy, business bodies flowing back and forth so early in the day. But none of them paid him any mind. It made him feel like he was wading through thick water, or that he was invisible inside a crowd of hundreds. Which was somehow more disconcerting than if everyone had been staring at him.

Swallowing hard, he pushed through it, marching with as much confidence as he could muster through the first set of glass doors, before he found himself faced with Cloud's post.

But there was only one infantryman on duty instead of the expected two, and Zack could tell by his salute that he wasn't Cloud.

"Where's Strife?" he asked as he approached, his voice coming out much harsher than he'd intended.

"Uh, he—he went on a bathroom break, Sir!" the other infantryman explained, still standing in a rigidly tight salute.

Zack narrowed his eyes. "You guys aren't allowed bathroom breaks," he said simply. Granted, it was kind of a shitty rule, but that didn't make it any less true. Infantry on guard duty had two specific break times where they could take care of personal business, and seeing as someone else hadn't been cycled over to take Cloud's place while he'd be absent, he was likely taking a break outside of regulation.

"W—Well, yes," the other infantryman explained, appearing somewhat nervous before he huffed and gave in. "He's been gone almost forty-five minutes, Sir. He didn't—He didn't look well when he left."

"Is he sick?"

"I don't know." His salute had slacked some. "He was quite pale, even by his normal standards. Sir."

Zack released a tired breath. "I'll look for him," he decided. "Back to your post."

"Sir!"

Turning, Zack headed back into the first floor lobby, pausing once he was past the glass doors to settle his hands on his hips. He could text Cloud, he supposed, but somehow he doubted that would get him anywhere. He'd just look for him for now. It was doubtful that Cloud would have gone too far, really, what with him still being on duty.

Well, given what he'd just learned, at least he knew where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, the present sure is frustrating, but poor Zack is just doing his best. There's a lot of bad shit coming his way though, I think, unfortunately. 
> 
> As far as the past, Angeal is the real MVP. Way to come through, lol. The next two chapters of the past will be, ah, well, actually the next, mmm, three or four? Ah, nvm, anyway, good deal Angeal. As far as Tseng, I'm sorry to admit that my fav Turk ship is Tseng and Aerith. Sorry not sorry, lol. Tho, tbh, not much will be done with it in this story. 
> 
> AHHHHHHH! Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--where we can cry about Clack together.


	20. Chapter 20

_Present Day_

"Ugh, finally!" Yuffie griped. "I thought we'd never leave!"

Rolling his eyes, Cloud didn't bother to turn back and spare her any attention, instead removing the harness on his back—which was packed with the pieces of his fusion sword—and dumping it into the back of her truck.

"I don't know why you let that guy talk as much as you did," she went on to say, as she and Vincent got up from where they'd been sitting near the entrance to the inn.

"Keys?" Cloud asked, not bothering to justify her complaints with a response. Holding out his hand, he waited, even as she curled her nose and glared.

"It's my truck," she said petulantly, crossing her arms over her chest as she did. "I get to drive."

"No, it's _my_ truck," Cloud made perfectly clear. He waggled his fingers expectantly. "Keys."

Yuffie refused to budge.

Thankfully, Vincent easily unclipped her keyring from around her belt loop before tossing it to Cloud, who caught it without issue before he pulled open the driver's side door and climbed in.

"No fair!" Yuffie whined, even as Vincent gestured her toward the passenger side. " _And_ I have to sit in the middle?!"

"You're the youngest," Vincent said quite reasonably.

She pouted. "I hate you guys."

Despite her complaints, she was soon clamoring inside the truck cab. Wedging herself in, she straddled the shifter between her legs while Vincent squished in beside her. Until all three of them were adequately in place, Cloud starting the truck and reaching down to shift it into reverse.

"Don't be stupid," he said, when Yuffie tried to smash his hand between her knees. She laughed, repeating the motion when he, again, tried to grab the shifter. Which had him pinching hard at the inside of her leg.

"Ow! Cloud!" She slapped his hand. "Don't be a dick!"

"Then stop being a pest," he said simply, finally getting the truck into reverse.

Backing out of Yuffie's ridiculously crooked parking job, he was soon sliding the truck into drive before pulling out through the town square and up past the Shinra mansion, toward the Nibel pass. He didn't spare the mansion a single look as they drove by, nor did Vincent, he noted. Yuffie, however, could always be depended upon to push all the wrong buttons.

"Look, Vincent, it's your creepy old vampire house," she said, and prodded him in the side with her elbow. He offered up a humming grunt in response, which only had Yuffie jabbing him harder. Yet, despite all her abuses, Vincent never wavered from staring straight out the windshield.

Cloud was just thankful she'd chosen to bother Vincent and not him, at least as far as the subject of the Shinra mansion. Though, he wondered sometimes if even Yuffie had enough tact not to bring up his time there. Most steered clear of the torture he'd undergone at the hands of Hojo, as it was part of his past that he still had a hard time grappling with.

Thankfully, they were moving quickly past the mansion and soon rounding their way between the high cliffs that led into the pass. Beyond was a long stretch of grassy field that wound its way between the towering mountains, before it would inevitably lead them up a narrow, rocky path. They'd be able to drive nearly to the bridge, at which point they'd have to get out and hike it on foot. They could walk the entire way, really, but Yuffie's truck should be equipped well enough to take them off road.

"So what'd you end up telling the mayor, huh?" Yuffie asked, leaning in closer to Cloud now. "Didja tell 'im where he could stick his official reports?" She made a lewd motion with her finger, sticking it in and out of her halfway closed fist.

"No, I didn't," Cloud replied, reaching for his sunglasses at the same time. They were hooked over the undone zipper of his sweater, which formed a slight "V" around his collar. "I'm not trying to get people up my ass because they're pissed off I didn't tell them what's going on." Flicking the sunglasses open, he slid them onto his face.

"But we're still not going to tell them everything, right?" she asked slyly.

"Depends on what we find." Hopefully, they'd find so little that he'd be able to hand over very thorough, but very short, reports.

"Why are you wearing those?" Yuffie asked then, pointing up at his face. "You look like an idiot. It's not even that sunny."

"It's sunny enough," Cloud rebuked shortly. "My eyes are light blue—they're sensitive." Not like mako enhancements changed his genetic makeup—that job went to the Jenova cells.

"I think all of you is sensitive," Yuffie decided before reaching up to grab at his sunglasses. "Lemme see them."

Cloud batted her away.

"I just wanna try them on!"

Growling, Cloud slipped his own hand between her flailing arms, laid his palm over her face, and shoved her away by the head. She was propelled into Vincent as a result, an affronted squawk leaving her lips. Vincent, to his credit, had no reaction, continuing to stare evenly out the windshield even as Yuffie jostled him.

"I just want to see them for a second!" she persisted.

"No."

"Ugh, you don't even look cool wearing them! You look like a guy who's trying too hard to be cool, wearing all black and putting on sunglasses when the sun is barely out!"

"Better than being annoying," he countered.

"You wanna know why you're not cool?" she asked, her arms crossing over her chest as she cast him a knowing look. He didn't inquire, as he was certain she was going to tell him anyway. "Because you're too old to be cool anymore. You're at the point where you're aging out of being cool."

"'Aging out?'" he asked skeptically.

"Yeah, like being thirty and stuff."

"I'm twenty-five," he said flatly. Well, almost twenty-six, but that wasn't the point.

Yuffie just shrugged like his objection was irrelevant, wearing an expression like she knew better.

"So can I see them?" she asked after another few seconds.

"See what?"

"Your sunglasses!"

"Oh for fuck's sake…" he muttered. Which was apparently signal enough that he'd given in, as Yuffie was reaching up and sliding his sunglasses free, before instead putting them into place on her own face. She was grinning at her victory, not looking as though she had any interest in returning them.

Whatever—he'd just squint.

"Hey, Vince," Yuffie started, once the silence had gone on too long for her standards. "Did you see that—"

"Cloud." Vincent's deep voice cut right through.

"What?"

Silenced, Yuffie sat back and pouted.

"Your soulmate," Vincent said, his words immediately stabbing Cloud right to the core. "They're dead?"

Not a subject he'd been prepared to discuss, as he was never in any mood to be talking about Zack. Especially so out of the blue. True, the topic of soulmates had been on his mind of late—one, because of his resurfacing memories, and, two, because of the new mark on his arm. But Yuffie and Vincenet didn't—or shouldn't—know about any of that.

Yet, even if they had, asking questions about people's soulmates was still rude. Not that he'd have expected Vincent (or Yuffie, for that matter) to care much about such things.

"Yes," was his simple response.

"You're sure?"

What kind of a question was that? Of course he was sure. He had the faded mark to prove it, even if it and his new mark—which he had no intention of discussing—were sufficiently covered.

"I'm sure."

His tone was cold, bordering on defensive, which was either enough to make it clear he didn't want to discuss the subject or Vincent had gotten enough of an answer. Nothing else was asked of him, Vincent releasing another thoughtful hum before he turned to stare out the passenger-side window.

Hands flexing over the steering wheel, Cloud pushed back on the thoughts of Zack that threatened to upend him, instead focusing on the choppy field ahead. Thankfully, Yuffie could be depended upon to ruin any silence, and so was prattling on a minute later. It was her constant voice that kept him from sinking too deeply, her nonsense acting as a buoy he could latch onto so as not to drown.

It was pathetic that even mentioning Zack was enough to put him off balance. He wondered, sometimes, if it was because he'd spent so long convinced that he _was_ Zack that other people somehow knowing of his existence was like getting splashed in the face with water. As if Zack could be a secret that only he knew about. Or perhaps it was the disparity between what his life had once been and what it was now.

He missed Zack—missed him so much it ached every minute of every day—but he also had a hard time reconciling where he'd ended up with where he'd started.

He wished Zack were still alive, yet imagining what that would be like was near impossible.

Or maybe it just hurt too much.

Yuffie kept up most of the conversation until they reached the thin, sloping path into the heart of the mountains. It was here that Cloud had to focus more acutely on where he was driving so as not to slip off the road, while Yuffie struggled against her predictable motion sickness. Hunched over, she did her best to contain it, while Vincent rubbed her back comfortingly.

They were all relieved when they finally reached the dropping cliff in the path that forced them to stop. It'd take longer to go on foot, but at least Yuffie wouldn't be puking all over the dashboard.

Dropping out of the truck first, Cloud went to retrieve his sword from the bed. He paused as he was slinging it onto his back, if only because Yuffie's voice caught his attention.

"Vince, you can't just ask people about their dead soulmates," she was muttering to him, Vincent halfway out of the truck even as she held him back by his cloak. Cloud suspected she didn't realize he could hear her, but better senses were one of many side-effects that had plagued him since his time with Hojo.

Vincent didn't bother with a response, instead continuing on out of the truck as Yuffie huffed.

Chuckling to himself, Cloud managed only the smallest of smiles. It was nice, that she'd even bothered. She'd clearly been thinking about it since Vincent had originally brought up the subject. That he'd overheard her _did_ have him awash in the topic all over again, but…

It was the thought that counted.

Once they were all armed, they approached the cliff at the front bumper of the truck. The path continued on below, Cloud assuming it must have collapsed into this shallow cliff at some point long ago. Before he'd been a kid, anyway, as it'd already been like this during his childhood.

It was only about a fifteen-foot drop, one that Cloud easily jumped, his SOLDIER strength keeping him from any injuries as he landed. Vincent did much the same, flashing down beside him in a flurry of red, while Yuffie quickly scaled down the cliff side to join them. She was still wearing Cloud's sunglasses, though she'd pushed them up on top of her head.

Somehow, he figured he wasn't going to be getting them back. He'd have to buy another pair in Rocket Town, before he left for the North Crater. He could make do without, but all that snow would be hell on his eyesight. He'd have a headache the whole time.

They continued up the path, encountering a few monsters, but nothing that gave them any trouble. It didn't take long until the old rickety bridge was rising up ahead of them, which had Yuffie whining in distress.

"I hate that stupid bridge," she pouted.

"I'll go first," Cloud reasoned, as if that would somehow make it easier for her to follow behind. It wouldn't, really, because if it collapsed (as it was apparently prone to doing), then it wouldn't matter which one of them was in the lead. Nor could he do anything to alleviate her motion sickness.

It was sturdy enough, however, even when Cloud had to cast a thunder spell in order to get rid of some pesky sonic speeds that flew down on them from the mountain. The wavering of the bridge afterward had Yuffie whining helplessly, her face turning rather green.

"Don't do that again," she insisted.

"I had to do something," Cloud replied. "It would have been worse if I'd tried to use my sword."

"You're just trying to torture me on purpose."

Cloud scoffed. "No," grabbing the ropes to either side of the bridge, he made an effort to swing it from side to side. "This is me being purposeful."

"Cloud! Stop!"

He did it again anyway, just for good measure.

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?" Vincent asked, totally deadpan. "This?"

He shook the bridge from behind, Cloud chuckling as a result.

"Stop! Stop! STOP!" Yuffie cried, looking like she might collapse then and there. Supposing it'd do no good for her to throw up all over, Cloud desisted and continued on, all the way up the steep incline until they were finally at the cave entrance on the other side.

"You both suck," Yuffie said petulantly, as soon as it was safe for her to push past Cloud. She dry-heaved on the way by.

They continued on, crossing the rickety planks just past the entrance to the cave, which were laid across a gap between two ledges. On the other side was a menagerie of dated Shinra tech, as the reactor in Nibel had been the first ever built. It was mostly large pipes and tubes, which twisted and dropped their way down the cliff side. Large steel scaffolding held it all together, while at the bottom of the machinery—some four stories beneath them—gaping holes that had been drilled through the rock pulsated with the green glow of raw mako. They were so close to the lifestream that Cloud could smell it, the mako in his own body buzzing as the minty-bleach smell came to line his nostrils.

A set of creaking metal stairs led them down beside the largest of the mako pipes, which were a rusted mess. Still, the numbers painted upon their tops were still visible, each of them labeled 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 before they descended behind the wooden platforms below.

"Wait!" Yuffie said suddenly, turning as though to head back up the stairs. "I want to slide down the tubes!"

Reaching back, Cloud grabbed her by the collar. "That'll take you down too far," he said strictly. "Besides, we're not here to mess around. The last thing we need is—"

Something in his peripherals caught his attention. Dropping Yuffie, he headed the rest of the way down the stairs and onto the small platform below. Looking further into the chasm, he leaned dangerously close to the edge, surveying everything that he could despite the glaring mako glow getting in the way.

"What is it?" Vincent asked as he came up beside him.

Eyes narrowed critically, Cloud was staring at the path yet three stories below, the one that led back out into the mountains before rounding its way north toward Rocket Town.

"I could have sworn I saw something," he said quietly, which inspired Vincent to have a look alongside him.

"Probably just a monster," Yuffie said lazily.

But it hadn't looked like a monster. Cloud had only seen the silhouette for half a second, but he could have sworn it was human. Maybe even someone with a weapon strapped to their back, as something shiny had flashed through the mako before they'd disappeared into the mountains.

It'd be strange for them to be encountering anyone else. Most people were pretty skittish around mako reactors. Anything Shinra, really, because it was generally assumed that anything related to such could be potentially hazardous. Not only that, but it'd take someone with battle skill to even fight their way up this far.

"It wasn't a monster," Cloud eventually decided. "It was definitely a person."

"A person, huh?" Yuffie asked, crouching down to peer out into the chasm as well. "Should we go after them?"

Cloud pursed his lips. "No. We need to keep moving on to the reactor."

He stared at the mountain pass for a second longer anyway, before finally tearing his attention away. Turning, he continued across the layered, unsteady platforms leading them along the top of the scaffolding. Ducking under pipe numbers 3 and 5, he was soon coming up on the ladder that would take them down a level to yet another haphazard puzzle of metal platforms.

He slid down and was followed closely by Vincent and Yuffie. Pausing for just a second, he cast the lower path another critical look, before shaking his head and simply deciding to move on. Ignoring the ladder that would take them down yet another story, they move further along the platforms to the steel door set inside the mountainside. It didn't initially want to open, but after Cloud rammed it with his shoulder, it broke free and swung open.

Beyond—outside the cave and shrouded in the shadows of the mountains—was the reactor.

As the first reactor Shinra had ever built, it's design appeared far smaller and less complex than many of its counterparts. It even had considerable stonework propelling it upward, which was near unheard of on any of the other reactors. Still, whether it looked quaint compared to those that had come after it or not, the Nibel reactor had a far darker history. Home to much of Hojo's secrets and worst experiments, it's lack of smooth lines and modern architecture made it look more haunted than anything else, at least to Cloud.

He wasn't looking forward to this investigation.

"Let's just get this over with," he said, releasing a heavy sigh as they walked along the backside of the reactor. Their footsteps crunched atop the husky earth, probably still struggling to regain any sort of life after the reactor had sucked so much of it dry. Above them, heavy fog obscured much of the upper most parts of the reactor, making Cloud feel almost claustrophobic.

A steep set of stairs at the front of the reactor would lead them up to the main entrance, which was still bordered in yellow and black warning stripes. Bracing himself for the influx of his past, Cloud was just about to head on up when the ground beneath them began to shake. Violently, to the point where they were all knocked off kilter. It was much worse than anything the town had been feeling, Cloud reaching out for the railing in order to keep his balance.

"How long is this going to go on for?" Yuffie asked after some thirty seconds, having collapsed to the ground so as not to be knocked off her feet. Vincent, by contrast, was hardly bothered.

The tremors, while severe, weren't as bad as some quakes Cloud had been through. They felt less like an earthquake and more like an echo—the result of something worse, perhaps. He didn't think any damage would be done to the reactor, nor did anything more than some dust and a few pebbles come sliding down the steep mountainsides surrounding them.

After about another minute, the tremors came to a sudden stop.

It could be worse, or so Cloud tried to tell himself.

Huffing, he took just a second to gather his bearings before heading on up the stairs and through the large, open door.

What immediately unnerved him was the fact that the reactor wasn't dark. As it wasn't supposed to be pumping mako anymore, there shouldn't have been anything to light the passageway leading them in and down. But the thin lights imbedded in the floor to the sides of the railings were all ignited, making it easy to see down the long, metal corridor. All the smaller lights placed into the support beams were bright as well, the reactor looking much as it had years ago, before the fall of Shinra.

"Hey, look," Yuffie said, going to the right side before crouching down in front of the railing. "There's steam coming up out of the floor."

"That's not steam," Cloud said as he came to stand beside her. "That's mako vapor." One of the byproducts of mako energy.

So the reactor was running, apparently. Sucking up more mako, no doubt. Barret would be pissed. Cloud found that he was angry too, because who had dared come all the way up here to restart the reactor? And why? It wasn't servicing the town, nor did it look to be powering anything nearby.

"We should keep moving," Cloud decided, resituating his harness some as he did. "Make sure you both have all your equipment and materia in order."

Continuing on, they made their way down the two shallow ramps that led to the next door, which slid seamlessly open at their approach.

Beyond was a large platform, which Cloud knew would give them a view of the reactor core below. Heels clicking over steel, they made their way to the edge, leaning over the banister to get a better view.

This core wasn't set as deeply down as those in the Midgar reactors had been, so it was only about a level and a half below their feet. Which made the glow of the mako pool surrounding it all the more glaring. Directly in front of them was the core, tubes and pipes lining the wall above it, while vapor continued to pump ceaselessly from any open valves. Even the fans that kept it cool were running, though the sound of a bent blade slammed loudly every time the motor made a full rotation.

Yet, despite what looked like a functional reactor, Cloud did note that the vapor was heavier on the right side of the core. One of the pumps was also clearly blocked, as it chugged and vibrated across the whole reactor every few seconds like a drum. It was as if whoever had restarted the reactor hadn't bothered to troubleshoot any potential issues. Which could be the reason for the tremors. If the reactor was running, but doing so despite being damaged, it could lead to some unforeseen consequences.

"We need to shut this thing down," Vincent said stiffly.

Nodding firmly in agreement, Cloud headed off to the left, where a set of curved metal stairs would take them down to the wideset platform on level with the core. Once at the bottom, he trekked over to the railing and stared down into the swirling liquid mako that was sloshing around beneath their feet.

His reflection was tinted green, as was everything in the room, which made the glow in his eyes that much brighter.

"Uh, Cloud?" Yuffie called nervously, which had him turning back toward her. "I don't remember all those pods being broken before."

They were staring up at the back of the room now, opposite the core. It was here that Hojo had stored his human experiments, all of them tucked away in the metal, pear-shaped pods that sloped three tiers up the wall. But the last time Cloud had seen them, they'd all been sealed shut, even the one that had broken open during his fateful mission to Nibelheim as an infantryman.

Now, though, every single one was busted open. The fronts of the pods were mangled and lying about as a disorganized mess, whatever had once been inside of them nowhere to be seen.

But what was perhaps worse than all of that was the open door at the top of the stairs. Previously, it'd been sealed as well, as Jenova had been moved from Nibel to Midgar. But, even so, if anything had been left behind, it could be dangerous. Sure, the original Reunion had pulled plenty of people with Jenova cells inside of them up to the North Crater, but that wasn't to say remnants of Jenova didn't exist in other places she'd been.

Frankly, Cloud probably should have investigated long before then. But he also didn't know what he was supposed to do with remnants of Jenova if and when they were found. Putting them all in one place seemed like a very bad idea for obvious reasons, but he also wasn't sure splitting it all up strategically around the world would be any better.

What they should do is shoot all of it into space where it'd come from, but that seemed pretty impossible now that so much of Jenova was integrated into the lifestream.

It was a never-ending issue—an infection they had to learn to live with.

"Stay on your guard," Cloud said stiffly, more so for Yuffie's benefit than Vincent's. Heading up the stairs first, he eyed the giant "JENOVA" printed above the door, before pursing his lips and pulling one of his longer blades from his sheath. Creeping up one step at a time, he readied himself for anything as he was finally level with the door. Approaching it slowly, he stood off to the side as he peered in.

His caution was not unwarranted, his eyes going wide at the scene laid out before him.

Bodies. Bodies everywhere. Some were scattered over the platform, while others were tangled up in the air, hanging like disturbed bats from tubes and chains. And while the figures themselves were humanoid in nature, they were obviously the human-monster hybrids that Hojo had been creating previously, probably the very ones that were now broken out of the pods. They were as grotesque as he remembered, fleshy, trembling muscle visible between the hardened, scale-like patches of skin littering their bodies. Only the sickening glow that emanated from their insides had changed from red to putrid green. Their coloring all over was off, in fact, as they possessed a pinkish hue that reminded Cloud of undercooked meat. While their hardened skin patches were charred and blackened. Large boils had ballooned up on the fleshiest parts of their bodies, some even leaking thick, black fluid.

But what was perhaps most striking were their heads, as the mottled, disgusting flesh had been mostly stripped away, revealing their cracked, dented, and broken skulls. The single, wing-like appendage protruding from their backs was much the same, only the thinnest strings of muscle and skin holding them together.

Many of the tubes that had once been connected to Jenova's tank were now imbedded in the throats or stomachs of the creatures, connecting them to the reactor. And while they appeared generally still, Cloud was surprised when they unexpectedly breathed in unison, a disgusting sucking noise echoing around the room. Which was followed by the slightest of trembles, the metal floor vibrating.

It was a disgusting sight, but one that Cloud was able to dissect easily enough. He wasn't sure if these creatures had been the ones to restart the reactor or if there was yet another culprit, but it was pretty clear they were the ones utilizing its power. They were ingesting the mako, which explained the green glow radiating from their insides.

But what was more disturbing were the pools of purple-black sludge that pooled around them, or dripped sloppily from their hanging bodies. It was Jenova, whatever had been left her. It was crawling all over them, slowly contaminating these monsters worse than they already were, until their skin was peeling away under the infection.

Even more concerning than _that_ , however, was their direct connection to the mako. Maybe the monsters were consuming it, but a link like that was a direct tie to the lifestream. Which meant that all the bits of Jenova that were slinking up into them had an easy pathway into the planet.

It could explain the more detrimental tremors, if the lifestream was attempting to fight back on the incoming corruption.

"That's so gross," Yuffie whispered at Cloud's ear.

"We need to get rid of them," he murmured back, not wanting to awaken the creatures, if that was an option. "Taking out as many of them while they're under is going to be best. We have no idea how infused they are with mako or Jenova cells." Both of which would make them more challenging no matter how polluted they were. Hopefully, they'd be so mako poisoned that they'd remain unconscious during the slaughter.

Gripping his sword a bit tighter, Cloud spared both Vincent and Yuffie a quick look—to verify their readiness—before taking a deep breath and stepping in through the door.

This would be over quickly.

_9 Years Ago_

Cloud didn't know what to do.

To say he was used to rejection was a bit of an understatement. His entire existence was founded on it, as far back as his father, and he'd spent his whole childhood as an outcast. With that kind of experience, one would think he'd be more emotionally prepared. But he wasn't. Not in the slightest.

The difference was that he'd had years to convince himself that he didn't care about his father, nor the other kids in Nibelheim. And after learning that he was just as much of a pariah in Midgar, well, he'd just lumped everyone together and slammed the door shut.

But Zack was different. Zack…

He cared so much about Zack. And every time that reality hit, it was like a tidal wave rushing in. It slammed him against the rocks, leaving him breathless and ultimately helpless. Helpless and desperate, his lungs struggling to function, his throat closing up, his face contorting in anguish as what had become predictable tears would rise up at the backs of his eyes. He felt sick and weak, and every time he failed to keep his composure, everything inside of him fell apart. Like his whole body was shattering into millions of pieces, his legs growing shaky, his whole chest so tight it ached.

And it was all his own fault.

He'd brought this on himself, just like he'd always known he would. But even so, he'd gone forward and put himself in this position. Part of him wanted to blame Zack, to argue that it was Zack's own fault because he'd expected something of Cloud that he could never hope to deliver, but that was a weak defense at best. Plenty of other people made relationships work, made friendships work. Had parents who wanted to be around.

He was the common variable—that was undeniable. He was the reason nothing ever worked out. He was the cause.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Why had he allowed himself to get close to Zack? Why had he convinced himself that maybe something good could come of it? That he was somehow deserving of Zack's attention?

It'd all been a lie, just like Zack had said. Because the moment the truth had come out, Zack had seen how little he was actually worth—that all his efforts had been wasted.

Now it was over, and Cloud had to deal with the consequences. And the reality. And the heartbreak.

It throbbed inside him, stealing his strength, making it difficult to breathe. Until he was choking on air, his composure crumbling no matter how hard he fought it. He tried to stay standing, to stay at attention. He was working a guard shift—he couldn't afford to break down now. Not like he had so many times the night before, and even earlier that very morning. He'd been holding it in for hours now, constantly swallowing it back and forcing himself to take deep breaths. But it got harder and harder with every minute that ticked by, until he knew he was going to lose it.

He was suddenly assaulted by the want to be home, in Nibelheim, in his house with his mom. She was the only one that had always been there for him, that had never turned her back on him. The only person in the whole world that had ever supported and loved him unconditionally, and all he really wanted was to be back in her arms. He knew he was too old to depend on her, that he was supposed to be grown and independent, but he also knew that she'd have let him break down without judgement, that she'd have held him and at least tried to understand. Because even when he'd messed up, she'd still cared.

Unlike Zack.

The thought hit him like a blow to the chest, one he'd suffered dozens of times already as his mind tortured itself with this reality over and over and over.

He felt hot and trapped and, just… it was too much.

It was all too heavy.

"I need to use the bathroom," he barely managed to choke out, his voice just loud enough for the infantryman on the other side of the door to hear. Afraid his expression would reveal his distress, he didn't even bother to look at them as he headed off, only vaguely aware of the way they reached out to try and stop him. He knew he was breaking the rules, but he just needed a minute. Just long enough to get himself back under control.

Heading blindly through the glass doors, he kept as much of his focus as he could on containing his emotions, which left him pushing swiftly past anyone else, his goal the staff bathroom at the back side of the lobby. He didn't care if anyone stared after him, nor did he even bother to say anything when he slammed one of the janitors in the shoulder. He just kept moving, until he was pushing his way into the men's room, his eyes already blinded by tears as he dove for the stall furthest back, against the wall.

His trembling fingers barely managed to flick the latch into place, solidifying what little privacy was possible as a member of Shinra's military.

Reaching out, he grappled with the wall, his vision completely blurred as he failed to blink back the tears. They were streaking down his face a second later, his hands moving to wipe at his eyes, which in turn shoved up his helmet until it was sliding off the back of his head and dropping harshly to the floor. The sound startled him, his whole body little more than a raw nerve.

Legs shaking, breath catching, he kept one hand on the wall for support while he reached down for his helmet with the other. But he was just too overwhelmed to do much of anything, his whole body giving out within moments of him crouching down.

He toppled to the floor, his fingertips barely skimming the edge of his helmet. Instead of taking hold of it, he accidentally sent it spinning away.

Giving up, he fell back on his butt, his spine slamming harshly into the wall behind him. But no amount of physical pain was worse than the excruciating tightness in his chest. Reaching up, he took in a withering breath, his hand clasping around the front of his uniform.

Gasping, he huddled back into the corner between the wall and the toilet, his knees coming up to his chest as he tried to squish himself as far back as he could. While his other hand clamped over his mouth, just in time to try and stopper the sob that erupted through his whole body. He had no idea if there was anyone else in the bathroom, nor did he want to be overheard by anyone that was likely to come in.

Eyes closed tight, he continued to try and contain his anguish, even as it tore through the seams. He was shaking so badly he was barely able to keep his hand over his mouth, the tears continuing to come even as he swallowed back against them. He was so congested that he couldn't properly breathe through his nose, which contributed further to the mess on his face. While having to have his mouth open behind his hand made it that much more difficult to contain the panting sobs that were continually robbing him of air.

He needed to calm down. He needed to get control of himself.

But he just… couldn't.

Instead, he was left huddled on the dirty bathroom floor, desperately trying to stay as quiet as possible even as his grief continued to slam him in waves. It felt never ending, his head throbbing horribly against the beat of his own heart, his sinuses stinging after being assaulted by his own upset yet again. And again. And _again_.

Everything hurt.

Everything hurt _so badly_.

A few people came in and out of the bathroom, Cloud clamping his hand over his mouth even tighter every time someone did, until he was free to release a hiccupping breath as soon as they were gone. He tried to snort back on some of his congestion during the times he knew he was alone, but it all resulted in very little. He was left with salty, constantly wet cheeks and a disgusting mouth and nose. None of which could be helped because no matter how much he tried to wipe the mess away, it was always starting anew.

He just wanted to go home. Not since arriving in Midgar had he wanted to go home so badly. To something familiar, no matter how much he hated it there. To his own room and his own bed and his mom.

Like leaving would somehow make it possible to abandon this terrible heartache too.

He was so pathetic…

Yet again, he heard the main door to the bathroom swing open, his whole body shivering as he struggled to contain himself. His teeth were gritted, his hand so tight around his mouth that it wore on his skin.

Just let them hurry up and leave. Hurry up and leave, hurry up and leave.

But they didn't.

In fact, they moved around the bathroom slowly, eventually coming close to Cloud's own stall.

Which was when he saw them—through the thin gap between the wooden door and the floor, familiar brown SOLDIER boots, worn from use. They came to a stop outside his stall, Cloud's heart going double-time as he tried to grapple with the incoming confrontation.

How had he found him? How was he _always_ finding him?

Why was he even there?!

He couldn't deal with this. He wasn't—He wasn't prepared to deal with this.

Just leave him alone!

"Cloud?" The sound of Zack's voice—quiet and gentle as it was—had him flinching back, his own name coming from those lips feeling like a brand being burned into his chest. He couldn't help the wheezing breath that escaped him, even as he quickly clamped his mouth shut afterward. His jaw was so tense that he feared he'd crack his teeth with the pressure.

Once again, he squeezed his eyes closed.

"Cloud, are you okay?"

Please stop talking. Please, _please_ , just _go away_!

"It's just us in here," he continued, each and every word feeling like a stab to Cloud's person. "I wedged the main door closed."

So he was trapped in here with Zack?! That didn't make this any better!

"We need to talk."

No! He didn't want to talk! He wasn't ready to hear what Zack had to say! He couldn't—He couldn't take the final blow. Just let him be!

"Cloud, please…"

He was shaking his head to himself, still saying nothing even as Zack audibly sighed. Before he was sliding his keycard into the crack of the door, slipping it up until the plastic had successfully flicked the latch around. Which left the door to swing open, revealing the sight of Zack standing above him, even as it uncovered Cloud and all his pitiful mess.

He only managed to get a look at Zack's face for a second—to see his wide-eyed stare—before he was tearing his focus away. He didn't want to see Zack, or talk to him, or anything! He just wanted…

He just wanted to be left alone!

"Cloud," Zack murmured, his voice far too broken as he took a step closer, one hand reaching out. Which had Cloud instinctively shying away, his knees folding even more defensively against his chest, his face turning to the side as he pressed himself as fully up against the wall as possible.

Which was apparently enough of a reaction to cause Zack pause, as he was taking his step back a moment later, even as he remained lording over the stall from the doorway.

Refusing to look directly at him, Cloud continued to struggle to breathe, to push back on the tears that refused to stop falling. He was aware of Zack's movements through his peripherals. Aware of the way he eventually slumped, before dropping down onto the floor as well. Legs crossed beneath him, he fiddled with his hands in his lap and stared down at the tile.

That he was apparently intent on staying choked Cloud up further, as he realized that there really was no escape now. He couldn't control his bursting emotions or hide his distress, and Zack was there, watching him fall apart.

Why couldn't he leave?

Please, _please_ leave!

They sat there for some minutes, the only sound being Cloud's poorly contained, whining, hiccupping sobs as he continually tried and failed to contain himself. It was getting so bad that even his throat was getting congested, forcing his lungs to work overtime as he labored to somehow make it through this—this…

This _agony_.

"Cloud…" Zack eventually said, his voice so strained that it sounded like it might snap. "I'm sorry. I didn't—I didn't mean what I said, before. I didn't mean it like that."

Cloud could barely hear him for the throbbing in his ears.

"I was just angry, and I wasn't thinking, and I… I didn't mean to say you weren't good enough."

Just hearing it had Cloud flinching back again.

"I'm don't… I don't expect you to be perfect, or whatever idiotic stuff I've said. And I'm not going to—to abandon you. I won't leave you, okay? I promise I won't."

Cloud was squeezing his eyes shut.

"Please, Cloud. I… I love you."

A claim that did have Cloud finally flicking his attention to Zack, every emotion rolling around inside of him catching.

Because…

Because why would he say something like that?

Before he could even begin to wrap his head around the word, however, an angry exclamation at the main door had both of them jolting in surprise, Zack turning his head to look as the person on the other side swore, banged on the door once, and seemingly retreated. They were left in silence again, though that wasn't the least bit comforting to Cloud. And Zack's mako blue eyes turning his way again only tightened his anxiety even further.

"We need to talk," Zack said again. "Somewhere private. Please?"

Cloud didn't want to. He was scared of what Zack had to say. But even so, part of him was hanging on to what he'd said just before, some of his uncertainty turning to hesitant curiosity. The voices in the back of his head were whispering that this was a trap—that Zack was only saying what he had to in order to get Cloud exactly where he wanted him.

But the heartbroken, desperate part of him didn't want to think that of Zack. To think he was capable of such cruelty. It was stupid and foolish, and all of Cloud's self-preservation was warning him, but…

But he wanted to understand.

He needed to know.

Or maybe… maybe he was once again daring to hope despite the inevitable backfire.

Ever choking on his distress, he managed a small nod, which had Zack visibly relieved. Before he was standing, backing away from the door even as Cloud shakily reached for his helmet and struggled to his feet as well. Despite feeling weak and unbalanced, he managed to shove his helmet back on over his hair, before he reached out and grabbed some toilet paper from the nearby roll.

It was as he was going to wipe his face that he realized Zack was still watching him, which had him pausing to look back.

Appearing startled, Zack stared at him only a second longer, before turning and walking out of sight of the stall.

Managing a very choppy breath, Cloud wiped his face as best he could—despite how his nose threatened to keep running and how his lashes remained damp with unshed tears—before he dropped the tissue paper into the toilet and flushed it away. Hesitating shortly, he eventually forced himself to shuffle out of the stall.

Zack was standing at the main door, waiting for him. It was a mystery to Cloud how he'd jammed the door shut previously, as he was easily pulling it open now. He held it, having stepped back like he expected Cloud to exit first. Which he didn't, instead hanging back, not wanting to find himself with Zack behind him.

Which was stupid, because Zack wasn't going to _do_ anything to him. But still, his insecurities and suspicions were all melding together, making it difficult to differentiate what was rational and what wasn't.

They stood frozen like that for a few moments, before Zack slumped yet again and finally headed out the door. He looked strikingly like a kicked puppy, which only added more weight to every other terrible thing Cloud was feeling. He didn't _want_ Zack to feel bad, he didn't _want_ Zack to be upset, he didn't _want_ Zack to be so… worried about him?

Was he?

Pushing the idea aside, Cloud trailed him out, following dutifully at his heels and refusing to look up at anyone. His heart still beat fast and anxious in his chest, and as they stepped onto the elevator, he was jolted by the idea of once again being stuck alone somewhere with Zack. Yet, Zack did nothing as the door closed behind them, aside from pressing whatever floor number he was taking them to.

For but a moment, Cloud was struck terrified at the idea that Zack might take them all the way up to his apartment. Which had him flicking his gaze to the elevator buttons. It was the 33rd floor button that was glowing, however, which was well below the SOLDIER living quarters.

The trip was shorter as a result, Zack stepping out first as they finally reached his destination. And once again, Cloud shuffled after, continually bracing himself for the blow that he knew was coming.

Zack led them down a long, quiet hallway, before using his keycard to access a control panel outside one of the many doors. He poked away at it, until the glowing light igniting the panel turned from red to green. He then pushed his way through the door, the florescent lights above them flickering on as whatever motion detectors were installed sensed that they were there.

It was a small conference room, or so Cloud noted as he walked in as well. Nothing flashy or robust. Just a long glass table with some dozen chairs surrounding it.

Zack had reached the table and turned to face him, his fingers trailing over the glass top with some uncertainty. While Cloud stood just beyond the closed door, his anxiety and unrest once again beginning to build.

"You should sit down," Zack said quietly, gesturing to one of the chairs as he did. "I'll… I'll sit on this other side." He moved to the opposite side of the table, continuing to watch Cloud even as he pulled out a chair and slowly sat down.

Which did, admittedly, make Cloud feel a little less on edge. Normally Zack's height and breadth of person was comforting, but now it just made him feel smaller than he already was, on top of everything else that spelled out his own inferiority.

He didn't want to talk—or ever be there—but he couldn't very well turn and leave now. Well, he could, but Zack would just come after him again, probably.

Maybe they needed to get this over with. No matter how painful.

Gulping, he shakily pushed himself forward until he was standing at the back of the closest chair. At which point he hesitated, before forcing himself to pull it out from the table and sit down. He unconsciously kept his shoulder turned toward Zack, once again watching him through his peripherals as he removed his helmet and set it aside.

"I don't… really know how to start this," Zack said after a very long, heavy silence. "Mostly because I don't have… I honestly have no idea what you're thinking, Cloud."

"I'm not thinking anything," he snapped out defensively, reflexively, his voice grating and torn despite everything still clogging up his insides.

"No, not—I didn't mean—Not like that. Not like, 'what are you even thinking' or—or—I just… I just mean it like I honestly don't know what you're thinking. I don't… have any idea… Never mind." He shook his head and took a deep breath, his hands twisting together atop the table. "What I meant to say was that I can't figure out how to talk about this until I know… what you think is happening, I guess."

What he thought was happening? What did that matter? It didn't! It'd never mattered!

"Please, Cloud," Zack practically begged. "I can't understand what's going on if you don't talk to me."

He knew what was going on! He'd been there!

"Cloud…"

"I don't know what you want," he finally said, his own voice scratching at his throat.

"What I want?" Zack asked, before releasing another heavy sigh. "It doesn't matter what I want, or—or what I said I wanted. Before. About soulmates. Is that what you're talking about?"

Yes! No! Maybe…!

Beginning to get choked up again, Cloud focused down on the tabletop.

"Okay, let's just…" Zack ran his hand through his hair and huffed. "I'll start with this. I didn't mean the things I said when we were fighting yesterday, about—about you. I didn't even know what I was saying. I was angry and frustrated and—and I still am, but… The point I'm trying to make right now is that I didn't mean to say that you weren't good enough. Or that you could never be good enough. Because of course you're good enough. And you're not a disappointment. And I'm not interested in leaving you.

"But I am disappointed in what you did. And…" his voice broke, "hurt… that you lied to me for so long."

Once again laboring to breathe, Cloud felt a few tears again trickle down his cheeks, his hands folding tightly together in his lap.

Silence hung between them.

"Cloud," Zack said. Again. "C'mon. You—You have to have something to say to that."

Something to say? What was there to say?

" _Cloud_ …"

"I d—don't know what you want me to s—s—say," he once again struggled to get out.

"I don't want you to say what you think I want you to say," Zack said simply. "I want you to say what _you_ want to say."

But he didn't want to say anything! He just wanted Zack to say _his_ piece so he could go be miserable somewhere else.

Groaning, Zack ran both his hands through his hair this time. "We're never going to get anywhere if you can't be honest with me," he said. "We both have to try if we're going to fix this."

A claim that finally had Cloud snapping his attention up. "Fix this?"

Zack blinked a few times before speaking again. "Yeah."

But what did that mean? "Fix what?" Cloud asked, again defensive.

Zack gaped. "Fix… Fix this mess between us. What do you mean 'what?' What else is there to fix?"

A question that had Cloud choking up all over again, his eyes blinking rapidly as more tears came streaming down his face.

"Cloud, this is what I'm talking about. I can't tell what you're thinking, but you're getting more upset. And that's fine," he said quickly, "but I need you to tell me why. Why what I'm saying is upsetting. Because I'm not trying to make you feel worse than you already do."

Yet, even so, Cloud couldn't… he couldn't say it. Because if he did, then…

Then that meant admitting to someone else the secret he'd only ever told himself.

Sitting back, Zack looked entirely helpless. "I know… I know I said some nasty things yesterday," he admitted, beginning to grow distressed as well, "but I really didn't mean them the way you thought I did and… and I just… I'm so sorry."

Sorry?

"I get that things between us didn't always start out great, but I thought we'd moved past that," Zack continued. "After everything that's happened, I thought—I thought we were friends. At least."

Why was he saying this? Acting like Cloud… wanted everything between them to be messed up? He didn't! But it was and—

A single tear streaked down Zack's cheek. "But you're still pushing me away."

No, he…

He wasn't… meaning to…

He was just… scared.

"I know I messed up," he continued, more of his own tears erupting. "But you messed up too. And I know that. And I want to fix it. But I feel like you don't trust me anymore. Or maybe like you never trusted me in the first place."

Never trusted him? Of course he…

He had?

"I love you, Cloud," he said again.

Which had Cloud shying back despite how he was once again struggling to breathe. "Stop saying that," he barely managed to whisper.

Hurt and confusion slipped into Zack's already broken expression. "What?"

"You don't m—mean it," he continued, words choppy.

Zack gaped, looking altogether shocked as he tried to understand the reality of what Cloud was saying. "Why would you think that?" he eventually asked. "Do you think… I knew I was in love with you before I found out you were my soulmate."

But Cloud could only shake his head. He didn't want to hear it—he didn't want to be led to believe there was something better when he knew there wasn't.

While Zack eventually ceased gaping, his mouth clamping shut as something like frustration flashed over his face. Before he was taking a purposefully deep breath, as if needing to resettle himself.

"I'm not going to let you run away from this," he said after a long pause. "You can't keep pushing me away. We have to try and fix this."

Words that were once again hitting Cloud like a truck.

"Don't you want that?" Zack asked.

"We can't fix it," Cloud said, his words barely distinguishable through the painful sobs that were once again slipping up his throat.

"We can if we try!"

"No!"

"Cloud!"

"Just stop!" he shouted, his hands coming up to bury themselves in his hair as he leaned his elbows on the tabletop. Everything inside of him was bubbling up again, was threatening to overtake him despite how he tried to push it back down. "It can't be fixed!"

Zack huffed, sounding almost angry now. "What the fuck are you saying?!"

"The truth!"

"That's bullshit!"

"It's not!" Cloud practically screamed, his defenses breaking down as all the pressure and all the stress and all the helplessness burst forth, overtaking everything.

It was too much. He couldn't take it anymore. Years and years of rejection and loneliness—of not being enough for anyone. There was no fixing that!

He was just nothing!

"You can't fix _me_!"

His words echoed loudly around the otherwise quiet room, ricocheting from one wall to another, until they'd faded and all that was left were Cloud's choking sobs, his hands gripping so tightly at his hair that he was practically pulling it out. Which was a preferable distraction to the pain otherwise twisting his insides. Pain that he'd been fighting against his whole life. It was a fact that had been rolled into his reality since his father had left, growing worse and worse with every failed attempt to matter.

But he was in the same place he'd always been. No friends, no father, and now he was going to lose Zack too.

Because everything he did always inevitably amounted to nothing.

"Cloud…" Zack's gentle voice was close now, causing Cloud to startle as he flicked his attention over. To where Zack had taken a seat beside him, his hand reaching out for Cloud's wrist, as if to pull his hand from his hair and out of the way of his face. But even as his fingertips were skimming Cloud's glove, he was yanking himself back. As if Zack's touch had the power to burn.

Which had Zack hesitating, his hand held aloft as something raw and aching spread over his face. Spread until he was staring at Cloud like he was someone else. Or maybe like he was seeing him for the first time—like maybe he was seeing everything Cloud had tried so desperately to hide, which made the clarity in Zack's eyes that much harder to take.

"You're not broken, Cloud," Zack said softly, his hand collapsing back down into his lap. "I'm not trying to—I don't _want_ —to fix you. That's not what I'm saying at all."

But Cloud was already shaking his head, hardly hearing what Zack was saying as his hands wrapped around the arms of the chair and gripped so tight his fingers ached.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Zack persisted.

Lied, really, because they wouldn't be in this situation if that were true.

"Listen to me, Cloud," Zack said then, sounding fiercer than he had before. Rolling his chair closer, he placed his hands over Cloud's. And though Cloud tried to pull back, Zack didn't let him. "You messed up, that's it. And yes, it hurt me, but that doesn't mean everything between us is over. And it certainly doesn't mean that you're broken."

He squeezed Cloud's hands a little tighter.

"I… I'm sorry that you—that you feel this way about yourself," he murmured. "But I don't feel that way about you at all. I love you, even though… even though you don't believe that, do you?"

Cloud was shaking again, teeth biting painfully down on his lower lip as he all out refused to meet Zack's gaze.

"I'm so sorry for what I said to you yesterday," he continued. "I didn't know how much damage it would do. And even though you… did what you did, that doesn't mean it was okay for me to hurt you back. That doesn't help either of us. Cloud…" Reaching up, he slid his hands from Cloud's own up to his face, his thumbs lightly caressing the tired skin beneath his eyes, while his fingers sifted back into his hair.

He forced Cloud to look at him, even though his eyes attempted to flit in any other direction. Until the only escape he had was to close them.

"I'm so sorry, Cloud," Zack said again, his voice no more than a murmur as his hands moved further back, until he was wrapping his arms around Cloud fully, his chair rolling forward so he was framing Cloud's own between his legs. He pulled him in even as he struggled to remain stiff and stubborn. But as his face was buried in the wool of Zack's uniform—as Zack held him tight and refused to let go despite Cloud's own unwillingness—he could feel his defensiveness unravelling. What little of it remained, in any case.

He'd said the one thing he hadn't wanted to say—that he'd always been too ashamed to say to anyone. And now that he had, there was nothing left to cling to. Nothing but his own hurt, which was so crippling that it zapped his strength by the second. His insecurities were cascading down through him, unchecked and out of control, and it made him feel so small and vulnerable and… weak. Which he hated more than anything. But though he tried, he couldn't flush it away.

He was so tired—tired of the thoughts in his head, tired of worrying about Zack, tired of trying to check everything he did and everything he said. He just wanted to crumple into a hole and hide away forever. But Zack's hold on him wouldn't allow that, which left him cowering into Zack instead.

Into his warmth and security, into his strength. It scared him, to give in. Because what if Zack pushed him away, or decided he wasn't worth the effort, or just… left? But even though Cloud was terrified at these potentials, he couldn't bring himself to pull away. He wanted to be with Zack, he wanted to ignore the voices in his head telling him it'd never work. He wanted… wanted to believe Zack's words.

And even though he knew, deep down, that he didn't—that it could all melt away at any second—he finally bent.

Just for a little while, even if it'd inevitably fall to pieces.

He was snotty and salty and disgusting, but he kept his face buried in Zack's shirt anyway, his hands finally releasing their claw-like grip on the chair to instead grapple for the suspenders lining Zack's chest. He wrapped his fists around the worn leather, holding as tightly as he could despite the fact that he knew it didn't matter how hard he held on, everything was liable to slip away.

But just for a little while, Zack was there.

He stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the past part will continue in the next chapter, because it got so long I had to cut it in half, lol. BUT hopefully what you've gotten so far is good food? Poor Cloud. 
> 
> Personally, for me, the present was more "interesting," but that's because I write fantasy adventure novels and I just find that kind of stuff fun, lol. Not that the past isn't interesting, but it's a whole different monster than the present right now. 
> 
> Thank you guys again for all the support and reviews--they really keep me going, especially with all the emotional bits, which can be draining to write. 
> 
> Come on over to twitter as well--SKayLanphear--where I yell about this fic, post chapter previews, and talk about other clack stuff.


	21. Chapter 21

_Present Day_

Rocket Town. Finally.

The trek through the mountains hadn't been overly challenging, but it'd still been strenuous—filled with monsters and steep cliff sides. The hike through the fields at the base of the mountains had been a cakewalk in comparison, the path leading onward little more than dirt and pebbles. Not vehicle safe, in any case, and Zack was left wondering how SDS delivered to Rocket Town at all (Yuffie had said they did). They must have a different route, he figured.

Part of what had made it a bit more arduous than expected had been Zack's arm. He still had no idea where he'd gotten the strange injury, but it wasn't getting any better. He was cleaning and wrapping it every day, having to wipe away the disgusting black puss that had no business leaking out of his skin. The pain it caused was also interfering with his sleep, which he assumed was part of the reason his nightmares were so bad. He was exhausted and dirty, likely looking rather worse for wear as he strolled into the village.

Rocket Town itself wasn't exactly an impressive sight. While the homes possessed much of the same cottage-like design as those in Nibelheim, they were a bit grungier. Darker in color and less polished. But the trees lining the streets and interspersed between the homes and shops made up for any dinge, spreading a bit of natural green amongst the man-made. The path leading in was dirt, packed down from traffic, and at the north side, Zack could see a large, more industrial building rising up behind the town. It was very out of place, he thought, with its metal paneling and sharp edges.

Squinting, he tried his best to read the text printed along the outside.

"Highwind Transit and Airship Technologies," he muttered to himself. That must be the company Nanaki had mentioned. The owner—Cid?—was supposed to be the man Zack was looking for.

Well, at least he knew his ultimate destination. But before that, he needed to do some shopping. The weapon shop and the inn were right at the front of town, along the main thoroughfare, and so Zack went in beneath the red sign adorned with two crossed swords, supposing that was as good a place as any to start.

It was a small establishment—dark wood floors with camo covered walls. Shotguns were lining the far wall, while a single man in a light green shirt and blue apron stood behind the counter. As far as Zack could tell, he was the only customer there, but this didn't inspire the shopkeeper to say anything. He flicked his gaze up only shortly, before returning his attention to the magazine he was reading.

Looking around, Zack quickly decided that nothing on display was going to be of much use to him, as it appeared to be mostly hunting gear. He'd have to inquire personally.

"'Scuse me," he said as he approached the counter.

The man looked at him again, eyes travelling up and down his person. Whatever he saw clearly did not impress him.

"I need to buy some equipment," Zack started. "I'm headed on a mission into the wilds, so something for that kind of travel."

The man hummed thoughtfully. "Got some edincoats. Good for both physical and magic defense. Comes with seven materia slots, though they're all unlinked. If you need linked materia slots, we got some gold armlets too, though those only comes with four. Not as tough as the edincoats either."

"How much?"

"Edincoats are 8000 gil, armlets are 2000."

8000 gil? Sure, Zack had farmed plenty, but that was still a little pricey. Then again, he didn't have any materia, so maybe he didn't need the seven slots.

"Where's the materia shop?" he asked, trying his best to strategize.

"Don't got one here, sorry."

_Great_. Not that he'd have been able to afford much materia, but still.

"I'll take the armlet," he decided. Better to save his money for Icicle Inn—maybe there'd be something more worth his while there.

Nodding, the merchant pulled out the armlet and set it down on the counter, while Zack inquired into accessories.

"Got some talismans, some power wrists, some—" The shopkeeper stopped short, his gaze narrowing at something behind Zack's head. Which had him turning back to look, but no one was there. "You need an accessory that can do something specific? Cuz that Ribbon on your sword ought to take care of most anything. Not sure why you'd want to equip anything else, even for other buffs."

"Ribbon?" Zack asked, frowning as he pulled his sword off his back and leaned it against the counter. Reaching up, he fingered the pink ribbon he had tied around the base of the sword handle.

"Sure." The man nodded, before reaching under his counter and producing a thick metal bracelet with a yellow assess materia placed inside. Quickly scanning the pink ribbon, he nodded to himself as if validated, before replacing his bracelet back under the counter. "You're not going to do much better than a Ribbon as far as accessories, especially that one. It ought to protect you from every status ailment out there, including instant death, which even most Ribbons—rare as they are—can't do. You'd be a sucker to replace it with something else. Unless, of course, you wanna sell it."

"Uh, no, definitely not," Zack said quickly, fingering the pink fabric as he did. He'd had no idea the ribbon had special qualities. It certainly hadn't possessed them when he'd bought it for Aerith originally, all those years ago.

Maybe Aerith really was looking out for him.

"Probably for the best—I couldn't afford to buy it off you if you were interested in selling," the merchant reasoned, before turning curious. "Where you get something like that?"

Zack swallowed hard. "It was a gift," he said quietly. "From a friend."

The merchant hummed. "The armlet all you want, then?" he asked.

"Oh, uh, yeah, that ought to do it." Reaching into his bag, Zack pulled out a second, smaller sack, inside which he'd been keeping the unrefined materia he'd been harvesting off monsters. Handing over the right amount, he was soon leaving, sword once again attached to his back as he buckled the armlet around his wrist.

Outside, he paused, stroking his chin thoughtfully before stepping to the side. Again removing his sword, he leaned it against the building before reaching out to stroke the ribbon.

Aerith's ribbon.

"I wish I could thank you," he murmured, chuckling lightly as he did. "You were always watching out for me, weren't you?" When he'd been too boneheaded to figure things out for himself, she'd always been around to knock some sense into him.

He missed her…

Untying the ribbon, he held it tight in his hand for only a second, before instead looping it around his free wrist. He'd considered his hair, but was afraid he'd be more apt to lose it there. And while it as a struggle to tie it around his wrist with just one hand, he eventually managed.

Nodding to himself, he resituated his sword on his back and headed further into the village. He managed to locate a clothing store not too far off, as what he was wearing was in dire need of replacing. Now that he had some defensive armor, his clothes would fare better, but it was too late for what he was already wearing.

The clothing store was a bit more populated, an older man and middle-aged woman scanning the racks as well. Nodding in acknowledgment to the clerk that waved at him, Zack went straight past the more casual clothes to the labor-related threads against the back wall. So long as it did the job, he'd get what was cheapest. Which had him slinging a pair of light-colored jeans over his arm before he was heading further down the aisle.

He'd be up north, so he could go for something a little heavier. But he hated having long sleeves—old habit, he supposed. Thankfully, the style of woolen sweaters without sleeves hadn't gone out of fashion, so he was able to find one on sale in light gray, as it was the only of its kind left.

Layering it with the jeans, he then looked around the store until he spotted a small selection of work boots in the corner. Picking out a brown pair made up of thick leather, he lastly headed to the coats, as he'd need something to keep him warm while he was up north. There was a lot of heavy leather, which wasn't really his speed, but he did eventually find a dark-wash jean jacket with plenty of insulation that had a gray cotton hood attached.

Going to the dressing rooms, he put everything on and made sure the magnet on his SOLDIER harness was able to get through the denim. Satisfied his sword was fully secured on his back, he deemed himself well-dressed.

Yanking all the tags loose, he left the dressing room still donning his new attire, his old clothes balled up under his arm as he went to the counter.

Handing over the tags, the woman smiled before beginning to count up his purchases. Zack grabbed a pair of brown leather gloves off the counter rack and added them in as she was reaching the end, supposing he might as well go all the way while he was there.

"I can throw those out for you, if you'd like," the clerk mentioned, gesturing to his old clothes, once he'd paid in full.

"Oh, sure, thanks," Zack replied, flashing her a bright smile as he did. Handing them over, he stroked his chin thoughtfully following, before speaking again. "Question," he started. "I need to get in touch with Cid, the owner of Highwind Transit. Someone told me I could hitch a ride on one of his airships."

The girl frowned. "Mr. Highwind usually works at the airfields east of here. But someone should be in the main office in town. They can probably help you."

Zack hummed, frowning as he did. "Maybe. I've got a special letter for this Cid guy though. But I guess someone there can probably get in touch with him."

The girl could only shrug. Zack was about to thank her, but before he could, the other woman who'd been shopping cleared her throat behind him. Turning, Zack looked her up and down, expecting impatience because of their chatter. But she smiled warmly at him.

"You said you have a letter for the captain?" she asked. Built a bit thicker with glasses and brown hair tied back in a ponytail, she definitely wasn't threatening. Nor was she the least bit fazed by him.

"Uh, yeah. You know him?"

"Certainly." She retained her warm smile. "I'm Shera—his wife."

Zack's eyes bulged. "Oh!" His smile returned. "Fancy that. Uh…" Reaching out, he offered her his hand to shake. "I'm Zack. Zack, uh, Fields."

"A pleasure," she assured, returning his handshake as she did. "What's this letter you're talking about?"

"Well, it's not really a 'letter,'" he explained. "I met, uh, Nanaki, in Cosmo Canyon, and he said if I gave Cid this note, it'd get me a ride on one of his airships."

A claim that puzzled Shera. Frowning, she stood thoughtfully for a moment, before gesturing him lightly to come with her. They left the shop behind, heading out into the center of town before she finally stopped to turn back to him.

"Can I see the letter?" she asked. "The captain is rather particular about people, so it'd probably be better to go through me first."

"Oh, uh…" Rubbing the back of his neck, Zack thought it over for a second before deciding it couldn't hurt. There wasn't anything in the letter that other people couldn't see, really, even if only a few could make any sense of it.

Rifling around in his bag, he eventually produced the letter and handed it over.

Pushing her glasses up on her nose, Shera read through it silently, while Zack pooched his lips and fiddled with his own hands. It seemed like it was taking her longer to read through it than necessary, but—then again—Angeal had always said he had a bad habit of skimming everything. And this woman looked like the bookish type. She was probably re-reading it multiple times.

She eventually hummed, looking thoughtful as she handed it back. "It's dangerous, going north. I've never been to the Forgotten City myself, but the captain has mentioned that it's a dangerous road."

"Ah, yeah, that's what Nanaki said, but I think I'll be okay."

"You are a SOLDIER," she said, pointing up at his eyes as she did. "I suppose that puts you in a better position than most." Something sad overtook her expression then. "I only met Aerith once, and it was for a very short time—just before the captain joined her and their friends on their quest. She was a very nice girl."

"She was," Zack agreed, his gaze dropping to the ground.

"The captain was very fond of her," she continued. "He was quite torn up over her death. So, if you truly were a friend of hers, then I'm very sorry for your loss."

Zack offered her a weak smile. "Thank you."

She smiled as well. "The captain should be returning home soon, for lunch. Would you like something while you waited? I've already prepared the food and there's more than enough."

"Oh, uh, that's very generous, but I wouldn't want to impose." He gestured back toward the inn. "I need to get a room for the night anyway, so I can talk to him at a more convenient time." He didn't want to be bothering the guy while he was on his lunch break.

Shera was abruptly sympathetic. "Unfortunately, the captain is more the type to view any sort of conversation as an inconvenience. You can come along now. It's quite alright."

"Well, I…" Zack looked again toward the inn.

"Come on," Shera insisted. "The house isn't far." She gestured him after her, before turning to head off. She walked away like she expected Zack to follow, which he did after another second of deliberation. The two of them headed across the square to a house nestled on the northern side of town. It was small, but quaint, which Zack wouldn't have expected from a man that owned a company big enough to have a separate airfield.

Shera headed in first, leaving the door open for him. Which was quite trusting given the fact that she definitely wasn't the fighting type and Zack was a SOLDIER armed with a huge sword. But perhaps Nanaki's word was more valuable than he knew.

Ducking in after her, he found that the interior of the house was just as quaint as the outside. Small kitchen to the left, with a dining table and four chairs in the center of the room, sitting atop a green and brown patterned rug. A few doors lined the back wall, while a darkened hallway led further back into the house.

"Take a seat," Shera said. "And help yourself." The table was set up with a variety of fixings for sandwiches, by the looks of it. "I'll put on some tea," she finished lastly, before going to the small kitchen counter.

Loitering some just past the door, Zack decided he might as well accept the generosity while he could, as he was unlikely to encounter it in the future. Removing his sword, he leaned it against the wall before shrugging off his coat and hanging it from the handle. Moving to the table, he sat down in the far chair, waiting until Shera was coming over with the pot of tea to reach out for the sliced bread.

"Don't be shy," she said, smiling again. "The captain would be quite soured to think that a friend of Aerith's had passed through, but we'd failed to be hospitable. There's more than enough to go around, even for a SOLDIER'S appetite."

"Um, thank you," Zack said, finally beginning to make up his sandwich. "Why is it that you keep calling him 'the captain?'"

She was pouring what looked like green tea into a mug, before she placed it in front of him. "He was the captain of Shinra's original space crew, before it was disbanded." She took a seat across from him. "I suppose old habits die hard, even all these years later."

"He worked for Shinra?" Zack asked, an uneasy chill dropping down through his system.

"For some time, yes. He was one of their top mechanical engineers, before he was drafted for the space program." A space program that was eventually defunded, Zack recalled. But outside of that, he knew very little.

He didn't like that he was willingly affiliating with someone that had been so high up in Shinra's hierarchy. Granted, the space program had been pretty far removed from anything he'd ever been involved in, but that didn't exactly offer any sort of comfort.

They again, this man had supposedly been friends with Aerith, so that had to count for something.

"So what does he do now?" Zack asked, topping off his sandwich before taking a bite.

"Designs transit technologies, mostly," Shera verified—a fact Zack had already sort of deduced. "He intends to make airship travel mainstream at some point, but in the advent of mako energy being made illegal, he's had to start again from square one."

"But… he does have at least one working airship, right?"

Shera laughed lightly. "Yes. He calls it an outdated prototype now, but it's only a few years old. He's a very harsh critic of his own work."

"Does he really think airship travel could become the norm?" Zack asked, honestly curious. Back when he'd been in SOLDIER, there'd been talk of an airship in development, but he'd never learned much about it otherwise.

"That's his new dream," Shera replied. "He worked for some time with WAE, developing modified engines and parts to replace those running cars, helicopters, and trains, as they'd needed something new that didn't run on mako. These new technologies are still in high demand, so much of what Highwind Tech does now is still very much in that field. But SDS has a contract that funds much of his research into airship technology, as it could be quite useful for international deliveries and such."

SDS? Again? These people really were as bad as Shinra. He literally couldn't go anywhere without hearing about them. It was becoming a considerable nuisance.

Oh well. So long as he could get to Icicle Inn, he'd be alright. By the sounds of it, he wouldn't be running into anyone—let alone SDS—once he set out for the Forgotten City.

"Developing new airship technologies would also help connect even the most remote places in the world," Shera continued. "Which I think would be a go—"

The front door swinging open had them both looking over, Zack tensing as the muscular silhouette of an older, grizzled blonde man bowed inside. He was smoking a cigarette, which he dropped and smashed with the heel of his work boot just outside the door. Grease stains littered his worn-out t-shirt and military grade cargo pants, while a pair of goggles were propped up on his head.

"Can't stay long, Shera," he was saying as he walked in. "Gotta get everythin' set for tomo—Who's this asshole?" His voice was as gruff as his appearance, his thin blue eyes narrowing even further as he got a look at Zack.

"This is Zack Fields," Shera said simply, not the least bit perturbed by the man's crusty attitude. "He's here to see you."

"And why the hell d'you think I wanna see anybody?" he asked, sounding very grouchy. "I got shit to do."

"He has a letter from Nanaki," she supplied.

Which was apparently enough to cause Cid pause, his lip curling some as he turned back to Zack. "Waddya want, kid?" He pulled a toothpick out of his pocket then, slipping it between his lips much like he might have his previous cigarette.

"Ah, Nanaki said you could give me a ride to Icicle Inn," Zack explained, before abruptly standing and holding his hand out to shake, which Cid took gladly. "I've got the letter," he continued, once they'd pulled back from one another.

Cid waved him off. "I been staring at blueprints all day and I left my readin' glasses back at the hub. Just tell whatever else you need to tell me." He pulled out a chair and sat down a second later, briskly beginning to put together his own sandwich. While Shera stood and poured him a cup of tea.

Sitting back down as well, Zack tried to figure out where to start.

"I need to get to the northern continent," he explained. "I wanna go to the Forgotten City and Nanaki said that starting from Icicle Inn was the best way to get there."

Cid side-eyed him. "Best way to get there is from Bone Village."

"Yeah, Nanaki said that too, except that the ships to get there are irregular. I'd rather hike through the mountains than wait around in Costa del Sol for weeks."

"Sometimes waitin' is the best thing to do," Cid countered. "'Sides, now that WAE is surveyin' that area, there's regular transport."

"Oh."

"Not that Nanaki woulda known that." Lathering his sandwich with mayonnaise, Cid began to stack on the meat. "What d'you need to be going to the Forgotten City for anyway? Not exactly an easy place to get to, and it doesn't need to be becomin' a tourist attraction either."

"Nanaki told me that… that it's where Aerith died," Zack replied, reasoning that finally earned him Cid's gaze again. "She was one of my best friends. I just… wanna pay my respects, I guess."

Continuing to stare critically at him, Cid's eyes narrowed even further, if at all possible, before he leaned a little closer. "What'd you say your name was again?"

"Er, Zack. Zack Fields."

"You're a SOLDIER," Cid pointed out, Zack practically able to see the gears turning behind his eyes, though to what end he had no idea. Ultimately, it just made Zack paranoid, because this man _had_ worked for Shinra. And if SDS really was Shinra in disguise—or something similar—then Cid being in cahoots with them could be bad news. But it was a little late to do anything about it now.

"What class?" Cid asked after a long pause.

"Third," Zack lied. "I wasn't anything special."

Yet, still, Cid didn't appear convinced. Instead, he slowly turned in his chair to get a look at the sword leaning up against his wall, the top half of which was shrouded in Zack's new jacket. He stared at it for a long while, until he eventually dragged his attention back around.

"You lyin' to me, boy?"

Zack blinked, carefully keeping his expression controlled. "No."

A response that had Cid growling, still unconvinced. Yet, he moved on anyway. "How'd you know Aerith?"

"We met when I was fifteen," Zack said simply, hoping that if he volunteered some information, it would pacify Cid's curiosity. "Like I said, she was one of my best friends."

"Then why you only now decidin' you need to take this trip?"

Zack's gaze dropped to the table. "I've been… incapacitated for quite a few years. I only found out from Nanaki that she… about her…"

Cid waited.

"I've only recently learned a lot of things," he finally settled on saying.

Snorting, Cid finished chewing a bit of his sandwich and released a labored cough, the sound of which was lined with the roughness that only came with being a smoker. "You SOLDIERS, you're all a big ole' mess," he said. "Aint nothin' can screw you up more than what Shinra did to ya. I've seen the worst of it firsthand. You been in a mako coma or somethin?'"

A question Zack couldn't answer. "Something like that," he said, not sure if he was lying or not.

Cid hummed. "Aerith was a good girl," he continued. "Didn't deserve what happened to her. Was only tryin' to do what's right, which was a lot better than most of us could say for our lives up to then." Stroking his prickly chin, he sighed. "I don't know that she'd want anyone to be makin' such a hard trip, just to visit a place full'a so much tragedy."

"You're probably right," Zack agreed, leaning back in his chair as he did. "She wouldn't want anyone to put themselves out on her account, but I think that's all the more reason I should go." Staring down at his hands, Zack flexed them into tight fists, having to once again hold back the grief that assaulted him. "I would have been with her, if I hadn't been…" Wherever it was he'd been. "She'd always talked about wanting to leave the city, but was too scared. I told her when she finally did, I'd be there, but…"

"She had good people with her," Cid assured, his tone having softened some. "All the way to the end. At least, as far as she'd let us be with her. Sometimes I think she knew it was comin.'" Cid was staring off across the room as Zack glanced up at him. "The way she took off, not sayin' anythin' to anyone. But, then again, maybe that's just me tryin' to make myself feel better about it."

"She was always more the type to do things her way," Zack reasoned.

Cid nodded in agreement. "Still, what you wanna do is pretty stupid, especially all on your own. SOLDIER or not, that northern wilderness will eat ya alive." Cid was eyeing him again. "But I'm not exactly one to be lecturin' others on their dumbass decisions. You really want to go, then I won't stop ya. Headin' out for Icicle Inn tomorrow, as a matter of fact."

"Really?" Zack leaned forward intently. "That's great! I hate to be left waiting around."

"Well, so long as all goes accordin' to plan," Cid added. "Waitin' on, uh, well, waitin' on someone from Nibelheim to join us."

"Nibelheim?" Zack said. "Who?"

Cid eyed him critically. "None of your business."

Which Zack supposed was fair. He wasn't being wholly transparent about his situation—a fact Cid was clearly aware of—so he couldn't expect any more from anyone else. Besides, he was right, it _wasn't_ any of his business. So long as he got to Icicle Inn, not much else mattered.

"We'll be leavin' early tomorrow mornin,'" Cid went on to say. "Airship'll be docked outside the hub just north of here. As you're hitchin' a free ride, we won't bother waitin' on ya." He finished off the rest of his sandwich and took a long drink of his tea, both Zack and Shera watching silently. "If you're late, that's on you. I don't usually make a habit of givin' free rides."

"Yes, Sir," Zack replied.

"I'll let Elena know to expect ya," he said. "She's my assistant. Kinda short, talks a lot, blonde hair. You might know her, in fact, bein' a SOLDIER and all."

Zack frowned. "The name doesn't sound familiar."

"She used to be a turk, back in the Shinra days."

Zack's whole body went cold.

A _turk_?

No, he couldn't say he knew the name, but that didn't mean the idea of encountering a turk was any less detrimental. The Turks had been the ones hunting him and Cloud down when they'd been on the run, as well as the army. And while Zack wouldn't say he'd had a bad relationship with the Turks, he knew full-well how dangerous they were and that their motives were always shrouded in secrets.

The idea that Cid—who'd once worked for Shinra—now had a turk as his assistant pretty much solidified that Shinra was still active in some capacity. He wasn't surprised, really, but it sure frustrated his travelling attempts. And, frankly, made him hesitate altogether. If this "Elena" had been a turk, then approaching her might be about the stupidest thing he could do. If he was captured or killed, then he'd never be able to find Cloud.

This whole situation had just gotten so much more dangerous.

"She said somethin' about havin' been recruited right before meteor though," Cid said thoughtfully. "So if you really been off the grid a while, you might'a never met her."

"Ah, yeah, probably," Zack agreed, trying to hide as much of his unease as he could.

What was he supposed to do now? He needed to get to Icicle Inn. Even if, hypothetically, getting to the Forgotten City wasn't possible, he still had to check as many places as he could for Cloud. But maybe going via Cid's airship wasn't the best option, not if there were turks involved. He could always backtrack and head off to Costa del Sol, as there was, apparently, reliable transportation there after all. But even if he disregarded the time that would take, was it really any safer?

SDS was everywhere. The Turks were still hanging around. Who was to say he'd be any better off trying another route? If SDS and Highwind Tech were both Shinra, or at least Shinra affiliates, then WAE wasn't likely to be any different. And while he'd like to reason that he could just do an even better job of staying undercover, his eyes always gave him away as a SOLDIER. That aside, someone was bound to recognize him at some point.

So maybe going via Cid's airship was the safer option, as he didn't actually know this Elena woman.

Then again, that wasn't to say she wouldn't know of him.

"She'll be waitin' with the airship, checkin' in cargo," Cid was saying, once again referring to Elena even as Zack's thoughts rolled around and around in his head. "She'll set you up on the ship."

"Sure thing," Zack agreed nonetheless. "I'll be there bright an early."

"See that you are," Cid replied, before pushing back on his chair and standing. "Make sure ya bring your own meals—I don't feed freeloaders."

"No problem."

Once again adopting that critical look, Cid stared him down. "I know you're not tellin' the whole truth, boy," he said simply. "I'll warn ya, if whatever it is you're hidin' causes me any trouble, I won't hesitate to throw you overboard. It don't matter how fast or high we're flyin."

"No trouble, I promise," Zack assured.

"I mean it," Cid finished. "None."

"None." Nodding, Zack did his best to sound certain—if only because he wasn't totally sure he was going to be able to uphold his part of such a bargain. No matter what he did, things might end badly. In a lot of ways, he was now backed into a corner. 

He felt entirely and totally trapped.

_9 Years Ago_

Cloud was snotty and salty and disgusting, but he kept his face buried in Zack's shirt nonetheless, his hands finally releasing their claw-like grip on the office chair to instead grapple for the suspenders lining Zack's chest. He wrapped his fists around the worn leather, holding as tightly as he could despite the fact that he knew it didn't matter how hard he held on, everything was liable to slip away.

But just for a little while, Zack was there. He stayed. He held Cloud even tighter, pulling him as close as he could, his own chin propped atop Cloud's hair as he wrapped his arms so firmly around his back it bordered on being painful.

"You're not the problem, Cloud," he murmured. "Your dad didn't leave because of you, he left because he's a piece of shit. And I don't know why the kids you grew up with didn't want anything to do with you, but that's their loss, not yours. Just like the guys here who were harassing you and beat the crap out of you—they're the assholes, not you.

"And I'm not saying you're perfect, because neither of us are. We both have issues we need to deal with. But that doesn't mean you're worthless or not good enough or a disappointment. What you did was shitty," an acknowledgment that had Cloud squeezing his eyes shut, "but it's not unforgiveable.

"I am… I am angry at you, Cloud," he said, his words so stark that they were stabbing Cloud through the chest, "but that doesn't mean I'm throwing away everything that's between us. I'm allowed to be angry at you, and you're allowed to be angry at me, but so long as we deal with it, then we can make things better again."

He pulled back then, which had dread and fear dropping down through Cloud so severely that he nearly released another pained sob. But even though Zack was putting some distance between them, he kept his hands on Cloud's shoulders. He held him steady, once more attempting to get Cloud to look at him.

"But we both have to deal with it, Cloud," he said sternly. "I was… I expected something from you that no one in the world could deliver and I didn't even realize I was doing it. It doesn't… It doesn't matter that you're my soulmate, because I loved you before I knew that. I just let my own stupid fantasy get away from me, in my anger and hurt over what you did.

"But you have to do some work too. You're letting your insecurities rule your life, despite everything that proves them wrong." He moved his hands to Cloud's cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet. His hold was firm, less comforting and almost demanding, which made it harder for Cloud to look away. "How many different ways do I have to tell you I want to be with you before you believe it? You're the person I've been spending almost all of my time with, you're the one that's been helping me when I've been at my worst, you're the one I'm always bothering to come see me. You're the one I'm thinking about all the time and the one I'm always worrying about. I didn't let you stay over in my apartment because I honestly forgot you weren't supposed to be there—I _wanted_ you to be there. You, specifically. I love the way you laugh and how competitive you are and your kindness, even though you try to hide it. And I love when you're not afraid to smile, or tell me what you want, or… or any other variety of you just being you.

"And I know I said that it felt like… like every moment we were together was a lie because of what you did, but I was letting my own insecurities and anger take over, and sometimes that happens. But… But I'm not giving up, and you can't either."

Lips pursed, Cloud's gaze did inevitably fall away, which had Zack's hold going just slightly lax.

"You don't want to give up, right?" Zack asked weakly. "All the time we've spent together, it matters. It matters enough?"

Swallowing hard, Cloud pulled his own hands up and wrapped his fingers around Zack's wrists, unsure how strong of an anchor Zack was in that moment, but clinging to him anyway.

"Because…" Zack's voice was getting choked up again, his lashes blinking rapidly, "Because I don't want to be scared that every time we fight, you're going to duck out. I want to mean more to you than that."

Cloud was shaking his head halfway through what he was saying.

"You have to tell me what that means," Zack practically begged. " _Please_."

Put forth the effort to make this better? But that meant being more open than Cloud had ever been with anyone. Yet, the alternative was giving up what little they'd built together, and even though it wasn't much, if Zack… If Zack really wanted…

If Zack honestly wanted to _stay_ , then…

But even if he didn't, what did it matter? Cloud was in too deep now—he'd already done and said so many things that had put him in this position. A position without defenses and without an easy escape. He couldn't just turn away or…

Or Zack really would leave. Because why would he stay if Cloud kept shutting him out?

He _had_ been pushing him away, hadn't he? He'd give a little, but also step back every time he had. Without even knowing he'd been doing it. Until they'd hit this wall—his own wall, one that Zack couldn't be expected to see through.

But it was terrifying, pulling every wall down. Cloud had never done it before, and it had his emotions flooding back to the surface all over again.

"I don't…" Cloud struggled to say, the words coming off his tongue as though he were prying them from concrete. "I don't want you to _leave me_ ," he finally admitted, his hold on Zack's wrists growing tighter.

"I'm not, Cloud," Zack assured. "I'm not going anywhere. But we have to meet in the middle sometimes. Which means that when you… when you start to get scared, or feel upset, you can't hide from me, or lie. You just have to tell me. Just like… Just like you have to tell me why you lied for so long, because I need to understand."

Chin trembling, Cloud pushed back on the terrible nausea in his stomach and forced himself to speak—despite being afraid of every word that left his mouth. "I thought you would be d—disappointed, when we first met. Because I—I was just some pathetic infantryman and you were—you were… And I thought that if I worked hard enough and got on y—your level, then I could t—tell you. And you would be…" It hurt, saying it out loud, because it sounded so stupid. "You would be impressed, like I was by you. But then you—you kept showing up. I t—tried to avoid you, but you didn't—you didn't…"

"Hey, it's okay," Zack murmured.

"And you were s—so nice to me, even though I d—d—didn't deserve y—your attention. And after I was in the hospital, after y—you were mad I wouldn't talk to you, you stopped—you stopped paying attention to me. W—Which was my fault and—and I… But then you got hurt and I was so scared of _losing_ you."

Just remembering it—remembering the way Zack had been stabbed, and how his life had been slipping away even as Cloud had tried to come up with a way to save him—had Cloud hunching in on himself, his lips pulling into a grimace.

"I never stopped paying attention to you," Zack assured quietly, his thumbs gently stroking the skin beneath Cloud's eyes. "I was just trying to give you space, because I thought maybe I'd been coming on too strong. And I never would have been disappointed in who or whatever you were, or are, I guess. I'm impressed by you every day, Cloud. That's why I was so… fixated on you in the first place. Just ask Angeal.

"And I'm sorry you were so scared when I was stabbed. I guess it never even occurred to me, when I was always doing stupid, dangerous stuff, the way it'd make my soulmate feel when they saw it happen. It never even… It never even crossed my mind that I might _actually_ be dying when my soulmate said my words. Which was… stupid, looking back."

"You're not stupid," Cloud whispered. Which had Zack smiling just a little.

"Can you tell me why you didn't say anything after?" Zack asked then. "After I was stabbed?"

Cloud released a shaky sigh. "I—I thought maybe you'd recognize it was me, but you didn't. And you were so… you were so messed up and I—I didn't want to upset you, because it took so long for you to be… okay. And then… you said… you…" He cringed again. "You were talking about how—how perfect your soulmate would be, and how you'd connect right away, and fall—fall in love, b—but none of that had happened. Because I was your soulmate and you weren't in love with me, and we don't c—connect like you thought and—"

"And I said a lot of stupid stuff," Zack interjected, "that just scared you even more than you already were."

Despite not wanting to, Cloud slowly nodded.

"But you stayed with me anyway," Zack continued, pushing a bit of hair out of Cloud's face. "You came and visited me all the time."

"I was still s—scared," Cloud admitted, slumping some as his gaze fell down between them. "I was scared to talk to you every day. Scared to h—hang out with you. I still a—am."

"Why, though? Before all this, I thought…"

Cloud weakly shrugged. "I guess I'm just… afraid that I'll say something, or do something, that will be… stupid, or lame, or…" It was so hard to say, because even though he really felt as he was explaining, he sounded incredibly juvenile. "Or make you ridicule me, like e—everyone else does."

"I will never make fun of you, Cloud," Zack said swiftly. "Not in a way that's hurtful, or—or any different than the way we've been communicating already. The way we talk now, it's okay, right? I'm not saying insensitive things or—"

"No." Cloud shook his head. "You're fine, Zack. It's not… It's not you."

"It's a little bit me, though," Zack added. "I was an idiot about the soulmate stuff. On… every level."

"You didn't know," Cloud whispered. "And that's my fault too."

"Cloud…"

He sighed, still unable to meet Zack's gaze again. "I'm so nervous most of the time that I can barely t—text you," he admitted brokenly. "And that's not your fault."

"Why are you afraid to text me?"

Why was he? All the reasons sounded so ridiculous. "I don't know. Because… Because I don't want to seem like—like I'm obsessed with you, or something, or… even though I… I am." It was so nerve-wracking, admitting it. His whole chest was pinching tight even as he tried. "I think about you all the time. Just… all the time."

Zack was grinning again. "That's not a bad thing in my book," he said gently. "And like I said, I was obsessed with you first, so it's not like we're all that different. And you don't have to worry about talking to me or texting me. You can text me all day long about whatever you want. I mean, that would be great!" He bit his own lip, looking suddenly uncomfortable as his cheeks flared red. "Honestly, Cloud, if one of us is going to be insecure about coming across as clingy, it shouldn't be you. You have… no idea how much self-control it's taken for me not to bother you literally every second of every day."

It was the sound of Zack's own vulnerable insecurity that finally had Cloud looking up at him. Mostly because he didn't want Zack to be self-conscious or feel embarrassed. Which was incredibly hypocritical, really, because if he could feel that way about Zack, then why couldn't Zack feel that way about him?

"You can bother me as much as you want," Cloud muttered, his voice so raw that he had next to no volume to work with. "If you're being super annoying, I'll just tell you. Otherwise I don't care—it's fine."

"You'll tell me, huh?" Zack asked. "What about all the stuff I've been trying to tell you?"

A question Cloud didn't know how to answer.

"You had to have realized at some point that I liked you," Zack continued. "Why didn't you tell me the truth then?"

Cloud shrugged one shoulder, even as Zack's hands slid down to rest on either side of his neck. "Because I didn't… I didn't know how much you really cared, and I was afraid it wouldn't be enough. And then… then after we—after the night that we… It all just got mixed up with how angry I knew you'd be. I was afraid you'd be so mad that you—that…"

"That I'd leave you," Zack finished quietly. "And what I said to you only made it seem like I might actually do it."

A few more bitter tears leaked down Cloud's cheeks.

"What a mess," Zack muttered.

"I didn't mean for it to get… like this."

"It's not just you, Cloud. I'm part of the problem too. I was so blinded by my own expectations that I couldn't see what was right in front of me."

Cloud took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I failed," he whispered.

"You didn't fail, Cloud. Far from it, or I wouldn't have been so worried about the fact that I was in love with you and not my soulmate. Before I realized you _were_ my soulmate, anyway. I just… handled my own hurt very poorly, and focused on stuff that didn't matter because it was, I don't know, simpler than dealing with the actual problem."

"The problem…" Cloud echoed, the voices in his head whispering " _you, the problem is you,_ " despite how he tried to fight back against them. Zack had already said the problem wasn't him. It wasn't him, it wasn't him, it wasn't…

"The problem is both of us," Zack said. "And not in a way that either of us _is_ the problem, but in how we dealt with it. I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did and said those horrible things. But… But you have to be more honest from now on."

Cloud swallowed hard.

"About how you're feeling, and what you're thinking. If you're scared to tell me something, then you definitely need to tell me. In fact, the more scared you are to say something, the more important it is that you tell me. And I know that's hard, but… but if you don't, it's just going to get worse and worse until we end up in a situation like this all over again. And while I'd like to think that I'd be able to tell if something was really bothering you, clearly I can't." He sounded bitter.

"I've been hiding my whole life, Zack," Cloud muttered. "It's not your fault I've gotten pretty good at it."

"It's not just that. Even if you weren't, I'm just… not good at that sort of thing. Which is why I really need you to tell me the truth. It's easy not to tell me things, because I'll never suspect so long as I think I can trust you.

"I need to know that you're not going to hide things from me. That's… That's kind of why I'm so hurt over what you did. Because I didn't think you'd hide something like this. And then to realize that you had, it was like getting slapped in the face. Well, it was a lot worse than that. Because now… now I don't know if I can trust you, even though I want to."

Nodding, Cloud twisted his hands together anxiously, unsure what he could do or say to such a claim.

"I'll be honest," Zack continued, his hands finally slipping entirely from Cloud's person as he sat back in his chair. "Once someone violates my trust, I have a really hard time dealing with them. On a personal level. I know I tend to have more faith in people than they deserve, which means I usually… distance myself as soon as I know that faith is unwarranted. Not because I think they're, like, bad people, but because I don't want to deal with constantly questioning whether or not they're doing right by me. At least when it comes to really personal stuff. There's a reason I've only got a few close friends, I guess is the point. It's not that I have a problem with other people, but I don't want to bother trying to open up if someone is just going to… not care."

"I do care," Cloud whispered, his words a little more desperate than he'd intended.

"I believe you," Zack replied. "But if that's true, then you can't do something like this again. I can't… deal with having to guess all the time. I don't _want_ to deal with it, because I'm honestly no good at it and it's just going to make me anxious. I'm not saying I'm not willing to work on our relationship, but honesty is… really, really important to me."

Cloud nodded again. "Okay…"

"I'd rather have you be irrational or dramatic than say nothing, because at least then I'd know where you were coming from. And I'm not saying I expect you to say what's on your mind all the time, but when something is important, or when you're really struggling, I need to know. I just… I won't figure it out if you don't tell me. Unless I don't trust you, which means I'll be overthinking what you're doing and saying all the time, and I don't want that."

"I don't want that either," Cloud muttered.

Silence followed, until Zack was releasing a short, somewhat frustrated sigh. "I feel like you're shutting down again…"

Of course he was! He was tired and crying and—

Oh…

"This is all just really overwhelming for me," he dared to say, already half-expecting a negative response to even admitting such a thing.

But Zack just nodded. "Right, that makes sense," he decided. "Maybe we need a break. Like, space or something."

Space… Space was distance. And distance was bad…

Cloud felt his heart immediately plummet, his walls once again beginning to close in around him. But that was exactly what Zack didn't want, right? Was this… Was this the kind of thing he wanted him to be honest about? The stuff that he'd always kept bottled up? That he'd always just assumed no one would ever care to hear?

But Zack cared, didn't he?

That was what he'd been saying…

Breath growing a little shorter again, Cloud did his best to push past the anxiety once again lurching through him in order to find the right words. But he didn't even know where to start in expressing such thoughts. It was one thing to tell someone he wasn't good enough to make SOLDIER. That was a difficult feat to accomplish for anyone, which meant that expressing those kinds of doubts was almost expected—even if Zack had already assured him they were unfounded. But expressing fears about personal matters?

How did he even say it?

"Space…" he eventually repeated, nearly having to pry the word from his own mouth. "That's… That's bad, isn't it?" He looked up at Zack then, searching for the answer in his eyes and expression. Because where else was he supposed to look? He'd never tried to alleviate such feelings before. Even about stuff he had talked about, like SOLDIER or his past. Sure, Zack had rebuked his doubts, but Cloud had never…

He'd never believed him.

"Bad?" Zack frowned. "No, it's—I just figure that if we keep talking about this, we're both going to be too exhausted to get anywhere. That's all."

"Then we'll talk about it again?"

"Wh—Yeah, of course—we definitely need to keep talking about this. Just not right now. I've honestly got to sort through some shit of my own. Like, not related to you, exactly, but some stuff I've realized is a problem. On my side. I think that, after I do, I'll be able to wrap my head around all of this better, or something."

Which wasn't really all that reassuring. "What problems?"

Zack slumped. "Just… my disappointment in myself, mostly."

"Oh…" Cloud could relate to that.

"And I feel like, maybe, you need to think about what we talked about too," Zack continued. "Angeal said we both needed to do some 'introspection.'"

Cloud's eyes widened in horror. "General Hewley knows about this?"

"Yeah, I told him," Zack admitted readily enough.

Groaning, Cloud covered his face with his hands.

"Yeah, see, not being honest is a problem," Zack pointed out.

Which had Cloud's groan turning into a growl of frustration.

"Don't worry, though," he continued. "He's just as disappointed in me as he is you, so…"

"He already likes you!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you," he replied, hands raised helplessly. "He's like my older brother—sometimes when I need to talk to someone, he's that someone."

His words were not helpful, though Cloud supposed he shouldn't have expected that they would be. Zack had been plenty gentle with him this whole time, but the direct results of his own decisions couldn't be glossed over. Angeal had every right to be disappointed in him and to even actively dislike him. Were Cloud in Angeal's position, he couldn't say he'd feel any different.

"You don't always tell General Hewley the truth," Cloud pointed out, just to be petty.

"Yeah, and he always figures it out, and I always get into trouble. Just like _you're_ in trouble right now."

A point that had Cloud turning his attention aside.

"Don't worry about Angeal," Zack said after a few heavy beats of silence. "Half the reason I even realized I was such an asshole to you was because he got into my shit about it."

Maybe so, but Angeal had already gotten into Cloud's own shit once for trying to hide things. That he'd gone this long without telling Zack the truth was like a second strike, and as everyone knew, it was a lot harder to build a reputation than it was to ruin one. Which meant that he was in the negative, seeing as he hadn't even had a good reputation to start.

"Hey, I mean it," Zack continued. "Angeal's a hard-ass, but he's more understanding than people realize. If he really didn't like you, then he'd have told me to stop being friends with you, not to try and fix things."

Cloud once again forced himself to speak. "We're still friends?" he murmured.

"Yeah," Zack said softly—tenderly. "I'm mad at you, but of course we're still friends."

Which was more relieving to Cloud than he ever could have expected. He was still drowning in a lot of his own inner voices, but talking to Zack had calmed him down a little. There was still a lot of confusion and tight nervousness, but he didn't feel on the verge of breaking down again. Or maybe he'd just gotten to the point where everything inside of him was completely spent, leaving him as little more than a hollow husk.

"Anyway, like I said," Zack was staring off to the side, "we should probably take a step back, just to… get our heads on right or whatever. I dunno, it seems like the right thing to do."

Which Cloud couldn't exactly disagree with, as he didn't know any better.

"You can take the rest of the day off," Zack added. "I'll take care of it."

"Alright…"

They sat in silence a bit longer, before Zack took a huffing breath and abruptly pushed himself back to his feet. Cloud watched him, ever uncertain, until it was clear that Zack was really ready to go. He went to the door, which was enough to inspire Cloud to get to his feet as well.

He followed Zack back out into the hallway, waiting quietly as he checked them out of the room. Closing the panel, Zack then turned Cloud's way again, his hand coming up to rub at his chest, where Cloud knew his wound was.

"I'm gonna go back up to my apartment," he said. "I'm… not feeling all that hot."

Of course he wasn't. But he'd come looking for Cloud anyway.

Nodding, Cloud said nothing, the two of them wavering awkwardly outside the conference room until Zack finally turned and headed down the hall toward the elevator. Cloud trailed him, staring at the heels of his boots as they marched across the dark tile floor.

"It's headed down already," Zack said, after pressing the button that would stop the elevator at their floor. "I'll catch it on the way back up."

"Right…" Finally glancing back at him, Cloud watched as Zack opened his mouth, like he might say something more, before he ultimately decided against it. Instead, his expression hardened and he looked away.

Which… didn't feel great. But Cloud wasn't really in any position to complain. Despite everything they'd talked about, Zack had made it clear that he was still both angry and hurt over what Cloud had done. So while efforts had been made to sort out some of their issues, it didn't alleviate the damage.

Cloud had screwed up. There was no getting around that, which meant he simply had to live with the consequences. Whatever those would end up being, as he wasn't entirely sure what was going on between them anymore. Aside from Zack assuring him that he wouldn't leave, which was more than Cloud had expected in the first place, and was still a bit hard to believe.

It didn't take long for the elevator to reach their floor, Cloud sparing Zack only a short look—one that wasn't returned—before he stepped through the doors. Turning, he watched Zack for as long as he could, before those metal doors were slowly sliding closed.

The moment Zack was out of sight, he felt acutely alone.

He eventually ended up back at his barracks, stripping off his uniform in favor of something more comfortable. No one paid him any mind, which left him to collapse into bed without issue. Laying on his stomach, he blankly stared off across the other beds beside his own, his mind and body stretched so thin that he could hardly make sense of anything that had happened that day. Which was maybe for the best, because his condition was less conducive to thinking than it was to passing out. With his eyes so heavy with the stress he'd put them through the last two days, it was no surprise that he soon fell asleep.

It felt like hours had passed when he finally woke up again, disgusting crust having dried around his eyes, nostrils, and the corners of his mouth. He felt dirty and gross, but also didn't really have the energy to get up and do anything about it. The addition of a pounding sinus headache didn't help, instead serving more as an intense reminder of what had happened.

Once again staring across the barracks, his thoughts slowly crawled into coherency, until he was able to more concretely reflect.

He was… embarrassed.

To the point where just thinking about everything that had happened had him hiding his face in his pillow. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd broken down in such a graphic manner. Not since his childhood had he cried so much, as crying had never helped him in or out of any situation. In fact, he'd spent considerable efforts teaching himself not to cry, not wanting to come across weaker than he already was to anyone watching. The fact that Zack had witnessed so much of his breakdown made the whole thing more humiliating.

He'd been so upset and out of control. Just entertaining the mental headspace he'd been in was exhausting. But what was perhaps worse was that he knew he'd probably still be in that place had Zack not come for him. Then again, maybe that was a better way of looking at the situation, if only because it meant that some of what they'd talked about had lessened his heartbreak.

Still, he would have preferred to have been less torn apart while they'd talked. No, Zack hadn't commented on his condition, but he could only imagine what he'd been thinking the whole time. He'd never looked more pathetic, and his lack of emotional control couldn't have helped his image any. Zack had already specifically told him that SOLDIERS were expected to have increased emotional control because of their positions, which meant he was once again coming up short as far as his aspirations.

But even on a shallower level, he was mortified. Zack was always going on about how "beautiful" he thought he was, but Cloud was pretty certain there'd been nothing attractive about him during their discussion. Which was a degree of self-consciousness he'd only recently developed, mostly in lieu of their more physical activities. He didn't want to be unattractive to Zack, nor did he want Zack to look at him and think of the scene on the bathroom floor of Shinra HQ.

But maybe such things were pointless to think about, in the end—no matter how anxious it made him. What was done was done, really, so all he could hope was that Zack wasn't as bothered by all of it as he was. Still, there was the taunting thought in the back of his head that told him "Zack might have been willing to give you a chance, but after that display, well…" Which had him groaning as he pulled at his hair.

He was so tired of feeling this way. Zack had a point—his insecurities were ruling his life. They were influencing his everyday decisions to the point where he couldn't even text Zack without getting nervous about it. Which always seemed reasonable when he was staring down at his phone, considering the idea, but felt incredibly dumb upon reflection.

Could he trust anything he was feeling at all?

He really did need to take a step back. But how was he supposed to step back from his own thoughts?

There had to be something else he could focus on, at least. Zack, maybe.

All the things Zack had said…

Which had him releasing a heavy breath, some of the tension leaking free of his person. Zack was the whole reason he wasn't still a sobbing mess. Though it'd taken some time to get there—to let go of his own mental hurdles as far as even listening to what Zack had had to say—he did feel a little less on edge. There was still that crippling fear inside him, that Zack could change his mind at any moment and drop him back into being absolutely heartbroken. But for the moment, at least, he was buoyed on some debris, again left hoping that maybe some good could come of the whole situation.

This had his thoughts once more whispering that he was stupid to even think such a thing, as it'd all fall apart at some point.

It had to…

Even if… Even if Zack had said that he loved him.

Cloud's whole body flushed with heat, his knees coming up to his chest beneath the cover of his thin blanket.

He'd said it not once, but… many times. Many times he'd told Cloud that he loved him, even going so far as to guarantee that he'd felt that way before finding out they were soulmates. Frankly, it was a lot to try and digest, which was why Cloud was having such a hard time. He'd been apprehensive to even entertain that Zack might view him in a seriously romantic light, even after they'd had sex. So having Zack tell him he loved him was… way beyond anything Cloud ever would have dared fathom.

It was nerve-wracking and shocking and bewildering, but also…

Amongst all the stress and unrest, it ignited a warm pulse in Cloud's chest. Because certainly Zack wouldn't say something so huge unless he meant it, right? Cloud had even gone so far as to accuse him of lying and Zack had still rebuked him. And while so many people in Cloud's life had fed him cruelty, he didn't want Zack to be one of them. Despite the dangers, he was still relatively convinced that Zack was _good_.

Which meant there was no way he'd lie about something as momentous as being in love. In love with _Cloud_. And while Cloud didn't have a very definitive idea as far as his own feelings for Zack—aside from liking him a whole lot—the notion that Zack loved him was… astounding. It struck Cloud dumber the longer he thought about it, until the whispers in his subconscious were drowned out by the fast beating of his heart.

Zack _loved_ him. Loved him even though they were fighting. Loved him despite being angry and hurt.

Frankly, Cloud didn't know what it was like to be loved. Sure, his mom loved him, but that was different. Zack wasn't obligated to love him, to care, but he did anyway.

Love…

Feeling abruptly jittery, Cloud finally pushed himself up until he was sitting. The barrack was relatively quiet, but the lights were still on, so it was before midnight. Grabbing up his PHS, he noted that it was about half past nine in the evening. He had more than enough time to clean up, then.

Going to his designated dresser—it was standing up beside his bed—Cloud retrieved a clean towel and another change of clothes, as well as grabbing up his basket of shower supplies. Lastly, he slipped his feet into the rubber sandals he'd been assigned by Shinra, as public showers were generally less gross with appropriate footwear.

The showers themselves were placed between each barrack. They were open to anyone living on the infantry floor, but most were shared by the barracks to either side. Heading out, Cloud went to the showers on the left, thankful as he entered that only a few of the stalls were being used. He'd gotten pretty used to public bathing by that point, but he still preferred as few people to be around as possible.

The shower room had one "group" shower on the far side (Cloud honestly had no idea what sort of people would voluntarily use such a thing, but whatever), while thin, single showers lined both sides, each of them divided by a tile wall, while shower curtains provided a modicum of privacy.

By the looks of it, only two other people were using the showers. Setting his towel and clothes on the counter nearby, Cloud quickly stripped down and skirted into the shower furthest away, as it was a fair distance from the others. Making sure the shower curtain was properly closed, he set his basket on the floor at his feet before turning the knobs for the water.

Huddling to one side, he waited until the temperature was practically steaming before he stepped into the haze. Given the state of his sinuses and his pounding headache, the hotter, the better.

He stood beneath the water for some time, eyes closed, doing nothing as he tried to relax. It was difficult, as his heart skipped and broke into a spring every time he thought of Zack _loving_ him, the idea becoming so prominent that he finally felt like some of his other insecurities were washing away with the dirty water. They weren't gone, obviously, but finally he felt some temporary relief.

When would Zack want to talk again, he wondered. How long was he going to be mad, for that matter? And… hurt?

Cloud had apologized, but—

Wait…

Eyes popping wide, Cloud stared at the wall in horror at his mistake.

He hadn't—He'd never apologized!

Sure, he'd said he was sorry while they'd been fighting—yelling at one another—but that wasn't the same thing! While Zack had apologized profusely, even though Cloud wasn't sure he'd even deserved an apology.

Groaning, Cloud leaned his forehead against the nearest wall, once again assaulted by shame. He'd been so involved with his own emotional upheaval that he'd totally glossed over saying sorry. Which was a huge, giant oversight. How could he have forgotten something so crucial?

Well, because he'd assumed there'd be no chance at forgiveness, so there'd been no point in apologizing. But Zack was willing to forgive him. Eventually, at least, or so he'd said. So Cloud definitely needed to apologize. A lot. And he needed to assure Zack that this would never happen again.

It wouldn't, right? That was the whole point behind a lot of what Zack had been saying—that he didn't want Cloud to hide anymore, else they ended up doing this all over again. Which was easier said than done, but Cloud…

Cloud wanted to be able to do it. Theoretically, anyway. It was liberating, the idea of being wholly open with Zack. Of pushing aside his feelings of self-consciousness and fear. True, it was nerve-wracking that Zack was now aware of these parts of him, but since it was too late to change that, he might as well, what, embrace it? Embrace that he could be wholly vulnerable around Zack and it'd be okay.

Or that was the idea, anyway. That was what Zack wanted. And seeing as he'd now been privy to some of Cloud's deepest fears and secrets, well, what else did he really have to hide? At this point, Zack could either accept him for what he was or throw him away. He'd already promised not to do the latter, so the former was really the only option left. As long as he didn't change his mind, anyway.

But if Cloud was daring to assume that wouldn't happen, then he'd cleared a considerable hurdle. Granted, it'd been a messy jump, one that he'd knocked and sent flying into Zack's face, but so long as Zack could forgive him, then maybe they'd come out of this in a wholly different place. A place where Zack loved Cloud, and Cloud maybe didn't have to be so worried and nervous all the time. A place where they could be… together.

Honestly together.

No wonder Zack was so intent on him being truthful—doing so would be a huge relief for Cloud too.

But maybe he was getting a little head of himself. Obviously, it wasn't going to be that easy. He could think about such things all day long, but executing them was a different matter entirely. Nerves would no doubt overtake him again, which meant he'd have to work even harder to try and do as Zack had asked. It would be difficult at first, but he could… he could try.

He _wanted_ to try.

But first he needed to apologize. That was definitely number one on his priority list.

How should he do that, though? Ugh, this was where the anxiety came back full force, wasn't it? Why was every sort of social interaction so goddamned challenging?

Then again, maybe he should take a page from Zack's book and just do it in person, plain and simple. After all the lies he'd been spinning by saying nothing at all, it seemed appropriate that the lesson he learned was that being as direct as possible was the best option.

From then on, he'd just say what he felt. Or meant. At least to Zack. Granted, that tended to get him into trouble sometimes, as the only other time he'd ever taken on such a guise was when he was being nasty and starting fights, but maybe it could be applied to other situations too.

Maybe he'd been doing this wrong the whole time…

Freezing, Cloud took in a startled breath as cold air abruptly splashed across his bare body. But before he could turn to see who had pulled aside the shower curtain, a strong hand was grabbing him around the shoulder and yanking him harshly from inside the shower stall.

Stumbling, Cloud's immediate reaction was to escape the hold on him. Whipping around, he spun away from whoever was grabbing him, twisting out of their pinching grip even as he lurched back to take in his surroundings.

Modesty was secondary, one hand hovering protectively between his legs while the other was held out defensively.

He wasn't the least bit surprised at the three that surrounded him.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" he asked, his voice already full of venom. Given the fact that he'd been in the shower and was _naked_ , nothing less should have been expected.

Rich laughed, the sound boisterous coming out of his large, well-muscled body. While Vic snickered, his long, stringy hair falling down around his cheeks as he looked Cloud up and down. Allen—the last of the three—was standing over by the door, which was wedged closed with a folding chair. They were alone otherwise, by the looks of it. Whoever had been in the showers when Cloud had first arrived had left.

This…

This was bad.

Really bad.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Rich asked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I thought you guys had decided to fuck off and get a life," Cloud hissed, his eyes darting around for any potential escape route. But there was only one door inside what was a very concrete square of walls. No windows, nothing.

This was worse than the stairs.

"Nah, you just made it harder to bother you," Rich replied. "Since you've got General Hewley breathing down our necks."

"And that hasn't taught you anything?" Cloud asked.

"Just to hate you more than we already did," Rich said, his smile dropping into a very severe glare. "We've been on clean-up duty every weekend since you ratted. That's a lot of time under the plate for me to figure out how to break your bones."

"You're being awfully candid," Cloud pointed out.

"Yeah, well, you've really pissed me off."

"Maybe _not_ beating the shit out of me should be what you take away from all this."

"See, you know better than that," Vic interjected, the sound of his voice sending cold shivers crawling all over Cloud's skin. "Thanks to you, we've been knocked down to the bottom as far as future promotions. And I don't know about you, but that's something I think someone ought to pay for."

"Yeah, you," Cloud spat. He shuffled back a bit, further into the room. Not because it'd serve any decent purpose, but because he honestly didn't know what else to do. That he was incredibly naked and wet definitely didn't help him as far as coming up with any sort of defensive plan. He couldn't think of a position where he could possibly be more vulnerable than he was then.

And he _definitely_ didn't like the way Vic kept looking at him.

"No, no." Vic waved him off and looked to Rich. "What's that thing you said before?"

"Snitches get stitches," he said simply.

Cloud glared. "Are you guys grade-schoolers now? You do realize that after what you did last time, 'snitching' or whatever the fuck you're saying was inevitable. I was admitted to medical."

"You still should have known to keep your mouth shut," Rich said simply. "You don't have your SOLDIER bodyguards around to bail you out now, so…"

"And what, exactly, is beating the shit out of me going to accomplish?" Cloud asked. "If you go as far as you did last time, I'm just going to end up in medical again." Thus, repeating the cycle.

"Maybe you _won't_ end up there," Vic said, smiling broadly as he did. "Maybe this time, we'll kill you!"

Eyes wide, Cloud looked between them, the two aggressors laughing while Allen stared purposefully at the floor.

Were they serious?

"And that definitely wouldn't end well for you," Cloud said slowly. Part of him wanted to assume they couldn't actually intend to kill him. But then, it wasn't like those sorts of people—the sort that took glee in violence no matter the consequences—didn't exist.

"See, that's where this whole thing is up in the air," Vic explained. "While General Hewley might be watching us of late, he doesn't have the proof to actually discharge us. Which tells me that so long as no one can prove we did it," he looked around the empty room, "then it really doesn't matter."

Cloud's whole body had gone cold. Swallowing hard, he tried to come up with literally anything that would get him out of this. Because by that point, it didn't matter whether he followed Angeal's advice and threw the first punch or not, he was in for it. But starting the fight wouldn't exactly serve any purpose, as there was no way he could try any sort of slippery escape now.

He had to think of something else.

"If you… If you honestly kill me, you're all dead too. Because… Zack Fair will murder all of you." Maybe? Probably?

Both Rich and Vic laughed. "Because you have all the Firsts in your pocket now?" Rich asked.

"No," Cloud continued. "Because Zack is my soulmate and he'll literally rip you all apart."

Rich scoffed, before he and Vic shared a doubtful look between each other.

"You're really fishing now, huh," Vic decided.

They didn't believe him. Of course they didn't—who would?

"I don't know that he's lying," Allen said then, his voice downright meek. "Fair was giving him a lot of extra attention before he got pulled from instructing."

"Yeah, probably because Strife is sucking his dick or something." Rich waved off the idea. "We all know about your obsession with making SOLDIER. Before you realized nobody gave a shit and shut up about it."

Back when he'd thought he'd been among likeminded people, at the very beginning of his recruitment.

"I don't really care if it's true or not," Vic said plainly. "If we kill you, then there's no one to say it was us, so there's no problem."

"Zack knows it was you three who beat the shit out of me last time," Cloud pointed out. "I don't think he's going to care about proof."

Rich narrowed his eyes, appearing only moderately thoughtful.

"You're so full of shit," Vic added, which successfully erased any of Rich's second-guessing.

"Vic…" Allen once again tried to interject, earning him the flicking stares of the other two.

"You can stop worrying," Vic said evenly, sounding more like a parent than Allen's soulmate. "How many times do I have to tell you that I've got everything under control?"

It was a statement that shut Allen up immediately, his gaze once again dropping to the floor.

Cloud, meanwhile, had no choice but to try and delay the inevitable in the hopes that literally anything would happen to interrupt this.

"You've really got him under your thumb, don't you?" he said, looking first to Vic and then back to Allen. "Do you always do what he says?" Allen spared him only a short glare, before he was once again staring at his feet.

"You'd be shocked at the things I can get him to do," Vic said then, drawing Cloud's attention back his way. "We always have a good time together, me, him, and whoever else we decide is… interesting." That creepy grin was back in place on his slimy face.

While Cloud visibly paled.

"Allen thought you were interesting, once upon a time," Vic added lastly.

"We're not going to play your guys' games right now," Rich interjected. "We've only got so much time."

Vic shrugged a single shoulder. "We'll see."

"Look." Cloud was getting desperate now, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. "I don't know what you guys get out of this, but there's probably a better option than—"

"I really don't think there is," Rich decided, slamming his fist into his other palm as he did. "I've been dreaming of pounding your face in for weeks."

"Is that… really what you dream about?" Cloud asked, clearly unable to help himself. "I mean, I knew you were obsessed with me, but…"

Rich glared. "I'm gonna shove that snark right back down your throat, Strife. Hope you're ready."

They both started moving closer, Allen continuing to guard the door. Cloud backed up as best he could, but there really wasn't anywhere he could go. There wasn't enough space to get around them, and even if he yelled, the odds of being heard inside the shower room were slim to none. That aside, even if he did call out, they'd have him beaten into silence shortly after.

There was nowhere to go.

He was trapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, Cid is one of my favs, so I'm glad I finally get to write about him. He knows something is fishy about Zack, so we'll have to see how that pans out, hu hu hu. 
> 
> The past is... well, I'm not going to really say a whole lot about it, lol. Except that Zack and Cloud can't seem to stay out of the hospital to save their lives. Although, the story is called Back and Forth so I guess it's fitting. Zack's reaction this time though, oof. We'll see...
> 
> Come on over and follow me on twitter too--SKayLanphear--where I post previews of upcoming chapters and talk about other clack stuff!


	22. Chapter 22

_Present Day_

Zack loitered around the backdoor of the airship hub for some time, just staring up at the ship being readied for departure. He'd been allowed through the building to the back without qualm, the woman at the front desk having been alerted to expect him. But even so, he was hesitant. After checking with the local hospital for Cloud—and coming up with nothing—he'd gone to the inn and spent the afternoon debating about what to do. Whether he should take the chance with the airship or take another, perhaps equally as risky chance leaving in order to go to Costa del Sol. It'd kept him up all night, alongside his expected insomnia and the pain in his arm. Yet, even as he stood out in the early morning air, staring up at the ship, he was undecided.

He still had time to turn back. He could still vanish like he'd never been.

But it seemed likely that he'd run into just as many problems in Costa del Sol. If Shinra, or SDS, or the Turks, or whoever, were still running the world, then it didn't matter where he went, they'd be there. So perhaps it was better to just go on pretending he was nobody. Granted, he'd always be a SOLDIER—he couldn't hide his eyes—but that didn't mean he had to be Zack Fair, wanted man.

So long as he didn't draw undo attention to himself, or run into anyone who knew him. The biggest question, then, was whether or not this Elena woman would recognize him. He'd never met her as a turk, and Cid had said something about her joining their ranks later, so there was a chance she knew nothing of him. But there was also a chance that she, well, _would_ know of him.

Part of his brain was urging him to just turn around and find another way, while another argued that if he didn't take any chances, he'd never get anywhere. If he hadn't decided to push the envelope, he and Cloud would still be trapped as Hojo's test subjects. It'd been risky, but they'd managed it.

He could manage this too. And if things started to get dicey, well, he'd just… figure out how to wiggle his way free. He was getting pretty good at it, running and escaping. Ten years ago, he might have been ashamed of what he'd have perceived as "cowardly" behavior, but now, he knew better. After everything he'd been through, he'd learned the virtues of picking his battles. Most things couldn't be won with a fight, how hard he tried making absolutely no difference.

He was one of the most powerful SOLDIERS to ever come through Shinra, but it'd ultimately amounted to nothing. All that strength, but still, he was just human.

Unimportant, insignificant, and simply looking for his small happiness as best he could.

Taking a deep breath, he braced himself for the worst and finally stepped out from around the corner and headed off. The wind was whipping, as the airship's propellers were already in motion, allowing it to hover some just above the ground, while a few people in blue coveralls dragged crates up a ramp into the base of the large ship.

And large it was. Zack had never seen an airship in person before. He'd heard about the developments of such things, back in his SOLDIER days, but it'd been far, far removed from his radar. What he saw before him was an extravagant, front heavy, almost phallic shaped instrument with giant engines strapped to the back, tucked against wings that were currently folded down. It was made up of shining metal plates and windows, and was so relentless in its noise that it made Zack's stomach drop.

Loud. It was very loud.

He really, really hated "loud" and "relentless." Already, his anxiety was spiking. But, even so, if this was the best way, the fastest way…

Then he'd just have to deal with it, sleep deprived or not.

Swallowing hard, he continued on, ignoring the nauseating sound of his heart in his ears as he made his way toward the woman standing just beside the ramp, a clipboard in her hands as she diligently took notes or checked boxes or something.

She was small—at least a foot shorter than Zack—with short blonde hair cut sharply along one side, and big, brown eyes that were set with hard determination. She wore tall, brown leather boots with matching parachute pants, as well as a white tank top and leather jacket. Her expression might have been "serious business" were it not for the way she pooched her lips in thought. Yet, even so, if this was the "Elena" Cid had mentioned, then she'd once been a turk, and Zack knew that wasn't something to be taken lightly.

Inhaling a preparatory breath through his nose, Zack forced himself to relax, wearing what he hoped was a convincingly lazy smile as he approached.

"Hi!" he said, just as she was glancing up at him. "Are you Elena?"

"Yes!" she greeted him with a happy smile of her own. "You must be Zack! Captain Highwind told me you'd be joining us. A big SOLDIER guy with a giant sword, he said. Looks like you!"

"Looks like it," Zack agreed.

"What class were you, when you were in SOLDIER?" she asked, appearing genuinely curious. But with a turk, it was always hard to tell.

"Oh, just third," he replied. "I wasn't anything special."

"Sounds like me," she replied, her lips pulling to one side. It might have been cute, were Zack not so paranoid and on edge. "I used to be a turk, but Shinra fell apart right after I made it in. Then again, maybe it's all for the best."

"How so?"

"I wasn't a very good turk," she admitted readily enough. "I mean, I can fight, but I like working with Captain Highwind a lot better. I've never been very good at keeping secrets and that sort of thing."

Zack laughed. "Yeah, that'd make for a pretty bad turk."

"Oh well." She shrugged. "There's always room for new dreams."

"I guess so," Zack agreed, even if he didn't really. He didn't have time for new dreams—he was still trying to salvage the old ones. Not his SOLDIER dreams, but the dreams he and Cloud…

Well, he had to find Cloud first.

"So when are we leaving?" Zack asked then.

"Should be soon." She glanced down at her wrist-watch. "The captain said everyone'd be ready to board in about half an hour, and that was twenty minutes ago."

"Who's all going?" Zack asked, trying to appear simply curious.

"Hm, me, the captain, the president, the—"

"President?" Zack asked.

"Uh, president of SDS. There's some kind of investigation we have to do up at the North Crater and—oop! Crap!" Her eyes went big as she hissed in though her teeth. "I wasn't supposed to say anything."

"Ah, don't worry," Zack assured, despite his continued unease. "I won't tell."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wow! Thanks!" She was smiling again.

"Well, if someone as important as the, uh, president of SDS is going to get on board, then I don't want to be in the way or anything." Or get caught, or questioned, or any other terrible outcome. "Should I… board?"

"Oh, right, sure!" She turned toward the airship, humming thoughtfully as she did. "I mean, you can just stay on the bridge with everyone else. I don't think anyone would mind, and the president is nice so long as you don't bother him _too_ much. He can be a bit prickly at times, but he's real nice underneath all that."

"While that's… a nice offer, you _did_ just tell me something confidential that you weren't supposed to, so I doubt I'm going to be wanted on the bridge."

"Oh, that's true—we might be talking about more confidential stuff." She tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"I can just stay with the cargo," Zack supplied. "I won't be a bother there and I have all the supplies I need."

She frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." He nodded. "Then you can all talk about whatever it is you need to and won't have to worry a bit about me overhearing. So long as I know where the bathroom is, you won't even know I'm there. It's the least I can do, getting a free ride and everything."

"I guess so," she ultimately agreed. "Well, if you're okay with it, then it probably is for the best. If you follow Jim there, taking that box in, you'll end up in the cargo bay. But feel free to come to the bridge if you need anything, really. None of us will mind."

 _Not going to happen._ "Sure."

They shared in friendly farewells shortly after (Elena hastily explaining to him where the bathroom was, as requested), before Zack was jogging over to follow "Jim" into the ship. Heading up the ramp, he trailed the other man through the dimmed, metal-lined corridor, which led to the back. It was loudest here, what with the propellers being right overhead, but even so, Zack did his best to push down on his nerves.

Not really wanting to be known to anyone outside of those he'd already met, he stayed out of sight of those still loading the ship, skirting along the edges of the cargo bay before making his way between a few pallets stacked high with heavy crates. They were strapped down, so there was no risk of them toppling over on top of him. Thus, he picked out a little nook near the back corner, deciding it would do well enough for the trip. Removing his sword and his pack from his back, he lastly shucked off his new, heavy jacket. Sliding down the sides of the crates, he was soon out of sight completely. Making himself comfortable on the floor, he crossed his legs under him, set his bag and coat aside, and balanced Angeal's buster sword on his knees.

Maybe, once they lifted off and no one was coming in and out of the cargo bay anymore, he'd set about some maintenance on the blade. It'd been some time since he'd been able to give it any attention.

It was hard to hear beyond the propellers, but Zack was still able to tell when—some thirty minutes later—they were taking off. The engine noise increased considerably, his teeth gritting despite how he mentally tried to reason with the fast-beating nervousness of his heart. There was an uneasiness that came with flying as well, the floor stable, yet weightless, his whole stomach flipping. It wasn't the same as a helicopter, probably because of the sheer mass, but he grew accustomed to it soon enough.

The noise, though, not so much. He distracted himself as best he could, polishing his sword, and that wasted away some of the hours. He also made a conscious effort to eat his packed lunch as slowly as possible. But that left him with little else to do afterward.

Lying down with his coat as a pillow, he tried to somehow get comfortable, but having his ear pressed so close to the floor only made the noise worse. Because now the rumbling was echoing right into his brain, making it feel all the more like he was submerged. So he didn't stay on the floor long, eventually sitting up and leaning his head back against the crates. He was tired, and slowly growing nauseated by the noise. There was no way he'd get any sleep, he knew that, and he didn't have anything in the way of distractions.

Yet he remained resolutely in place, refusing to give in no matter how mentally exhausting it was. After all, what else could he do? Not like he could go crying to the bridge, begging them to land so he could go somewhere quiet. Even if, when the engines periodically reared up in power, he desperately wanted to. Even if he ended up hunched over, holding his head between his hands as he anxiously waited for the noise to die down again.

He just… had to keep his eyes open, because that meant he saw less of the memories. And he had to constantly remind himself that he was in the air, not underwater.

This would end. Sooner or later, he knew it'd be over.

Just keep breathing.

What eventually proved to be the most distracting was his arm. It was always sort of throbbing now, like an open cut that just wouldn't scab over. He could ignore it most of the time, but as the hours ticked by, the stinging grew worse, more apparent. Which wasn't so unexpected, as it seemed to come in waves, the severity of the pain. He put it off as long as possible, cleaning the wound even though it tended to help—made it feel a little better. Like washing away the black puss helped remove some of the infection. But even though he'd prefer to remain where he was, eventually, the pain was bothering him so much that he knew he needed to do something.

Or maybe it was the pain mixed with his anxiety. Either way, he was restless, needing to move. Needing to _do_ something, if only to prove to himself that he could.

Standing, he picked up his pack and slung it over his shoulder, considering only quickly whether or not to take his sword as well. He ultimately did so, attaching it to his back and leaving only his coat behind. Creeping out from behind the boxes, he paused near the edge of the cargo, just to makes sure he was alone, before heading across the empty portion of the bay. To the open corridor on the other side.

It was a bit quieter in the corridor, which was something of a comfort, but also made him paranoid about running into anyone else aboard the ship. He kept going anyway, until he reached the end of the corridor, at which point it opened up into a shallow room, the doors to the bridge on the other side. The bathroom, he'd been told, was on the back wall, just to the left.

Giving the room a once-over, he established that he was still alone before he stepped fully through. Skirting along the wall, he quickly made his way to the door parallel, which was thankfully open. Unoccupied, rather. All three were, actually, as there were three separate bathrooms available.

Slipping inside the first of the three, he quickly closed the door behind him, thankful it had a lock. Flicking on the light, he was greeted with a clean, cozy bathroom, one with a toilet, sink, and shower, and that had enough space for him to lean his sword against the wall beside the toilet.

Turning to the mirror, he found himself pausing to stare.

It always struck him, when he was faced with his reflection, how different he looked. How different from what he remembered—than how he imagined himself. There'd been very few opportunities, when he'd been on the run, to even consider such things. Not with Cloud to take care of. He'd reflected plenty on how much Cloud had changed, but rarely himself. Yet, now, alone, he could see it. See that any and all the youthful pudge he'd never even realized had still been there had vanished, leaving his cheek bones sharper, his jaw much the same. The bags under his eyes were heavier, though that could also be due to exhaustion. And his skin, there was something thinner about it. Less… warmth.

He didn't look old, but more like he was on the cusp—on the verge of looking older.

Which, he supposed, made sense. If everything everyone had been telling him was true, then he was nearly twenty-nine.

Twenty-nine years old—the middle of his life.

There was so much time he couldn't account for.

Tearing his gaze away, he took a huffing breath and instead forced his focus onto his arm. The "wound" had grown a little larger now, having graduated from only his upper arm to a bit below his elbow. Which was… disconcerting. No matter what items he used, it never made a difference. It just continued to leak disgusting black puss, until the bandage was so soiled he had to wash it or risk the ooze leaking out entirely.

He knew it was serious. And in the back of his mind, he knew he needed to do something about it. But he was also afraid that, if he brought it to someone's attention, it'd become a bigger problem than he wanted it to be. He didn't want to end up in the hospital, or in treatment of any kind. He needed to find Cloud. And at first, he'd thought, he'd find his soulmate and then deal with this strange injury afterward. But as he was pulling the bandage loose now, the disgusting, black mess was the nastiest he'd ever seen it. Coating his whole arm, stinging everywhere it touched him.

It was getting worse. Quickly.

Pursing his lips, Zack set the dirty bandage aside and turned on the water. It was cold, and didn't seem to be getting any warmer, so he inevitably started to scrub at the puss with his bare hand despite the chill. There was a towel hanging on the hook to his right, but he didn't want to soil it. He'd just make do with what he could.

But washing the veiny wound was always the worst part, because the puss didn't come away easy and the pressure of scrubbing at it was near-torturous. He started from the outside, if only because he was hesitant to actually touch the wound itself, which was already painful enough that his whole arm was starting to tremble. It was almost like someone was taking a lighter and slowly burning his skin. The more he irritated it, the hotter it got.

He had to pause to take a break shortly after starting, his good arm holding him up against the sink as he swallowed and took a shaky breath. His other arm was laying limply in the bowl of the sink, the black secretion staining the white porcelain as it dripped down toward the drain.

Forcing himself to remain steady, Zack blinked back on the fuzziness encroaching into his vision and instead stared at the veiny tendrils crawling down his arm. Eventually, he found the gumption to restart his attempts, this time deciding to go straight for the worst of it in attempts to get it over with as soon as possible.

He was already sweating, his body anticipating the agony, but it had to be done.

Yet, as soon as he was clamping his hand down over the wound—before he'd even started scrubbing—the stinging pain knocked him off balance, his brain short-circuiting into flashing snowflakes as he stumbled. Instinctively, he was reaching out to try and catch himself, which had him grappling at the towel hook as he started to fall.

It wasn't strong enough to carry his weight, however, and snapped off the wall, which sent him careening to the side. Falling hard, he first hit the toilet seat, banging loudly, before tipping back and crashing harshly on the floor, his body crumpled up against the wall. While the towel hook bounced first off the sink before falling to the ground and spiraling until it smacked into the door.

Zack hardly heard any of it, however. Though he tried to blink against it, tried to convince himself he was hallucinating, it all felt so vividly real. The loud humming of the airship deepened until he was submerged, his bare hands coming up to bang at the glass as he tried to scream into the water. But no amount of violence broke him free, his vision skewed by the glowing green liquid holding him down.

Even so, he could see the figures in lab coats moving around outside. He watched as they pulled Cloud out of the pod beside his own, before he was suddenly splayed out on the table at the center of the room. Naked, he didn't move as they slipped needles in beneath his skin, as they pumped poison into his veins. Mako-stained eyes open, he stared blankly, all while Zack continued to yell and scream and scrape at the glass.

Until Cloud's whole body was seizing atop the tabletop, arms and legs strapped down to hold him in place while those standing around simply watched. Watched as his body flailed against the restraints, minty-white foam erupting from between his lips as his eyes rolled.

Scratching at the glass, Zack's nails were bleeding, staining the green with red as he lashed out, trying to do anything that would free him. That would get him to Cloud.

But then all the techs in lab coats were gone, leaving Cloud alone to convulse atop the table. And Zack thought maybe if he fought hard enough, they'd be able to get away. If he could just get free, then he could grab Cloud and run.

An idea that was cut violently short when his vision abruptly flashed, the room appearing to tip as another figure emerged from the shadows. Tall, dark, accented by silver hair, he approached the table from the back of the room, until he was standing at Cloud's head.

Watching, shocked, Zack could do nothing as Sephiroth slowly smiled at him, one hand sifting through Cloud's hair while the other was slowly dragging up his bare chest. Before it was around his throat, Cloud continuing to jerk atop the table as Sephiroth tightened his hold, strangling him.

Zack was once again screaming, his fists beating on the thick glass, his voice muffled by the water. He watched in agonizing helplessness as Sephiroth throttled Cloud, even as his gaze remained trained on Zack. Choked him until his body was able to do nothing more than twitch, a string of blood leaking down from the corner of his mouth.

Coughing, Zack felt himself beginning to choke, to drown on the water.

Before he dropped, his whole head throbbing with pain as it banged hard into the metal stairs. Struggling to look up, his vision wavered as he took in Sephiroth standing at the top of the stairs above him, the giant "JENOVA" sign wavering behind him. He was armed with his giant sword now, in one hand, but instead of Jenova's head tucked under his other arm, it was Cloud's thin, naked, lifeless body.

Reaching out, Zack tried to do something, but his head was spinning, leaving him helpless as Sephiroth once again smiled down at him.

"What are you most afraid of, Zack?" he asked, cocking his head slowly to the side as he did. "I've seen you afraid—I know everything that you fear."

Vision flashing, Zack was pinned back against the wall, Sephiroth directly in front of him, hand around his shirt as he held him aloft.

"I know everything," he said, even as he pressed Zack so harshly into the wall that his chest cracked. "All your worst nightmares—they're in the palm of my hand."

Cloud was still tucked up under his arm, unresponsive and limp.

"Are you alright, Zack?" he asked then, even as Zack struggled to breathe against his hold.

" _Are you alright?_ "

The pressure on his chest was abruptly relieved, Zack's lashes fluttering as he pushed through the pain.

"Zack?"

The sound of that voice eased the ache like a balm, his arm still throbbing, but numb as he finally managed to open his eyes. Slowly, like it was being filtered through a funnel, the pain trickled away until all he could feel was the rain on his face.

No, not rain. Water, yes, but it was cascading down out of a showerhead.

Zack knew this place—knew this memory. It was slow and calm compared to the flashes that had come before. Safe, even as he lay crumpled on the floor.

"—Mmokay," Zack found himself muttering. "Just fell."

Above him, Cloud's worried face came into view, his spikes drooping as the water spraying down on them weighed the locks forward. Zack could see his shirt was soaking through, water droplets streaking down the sides of his cheeks.

"You're not," Cloud said calmly, gently, his bright blue eyes soft as he stared at him. "You hit your head."

Zack could almost laugh. Almost. He knew this wasn't real—couldn't be. Maybe, in his far away memories, this Cloud existed, but the eyes…

The eyes gave him away. No mako glow tainted that pure blue, as bright and vibrant as the clearest sky.

"Did I?" Zack asked anyway, thick emotion coiling in his throat. "Good thing… Good thing you're here, huh…"

He didn't want to leave this place.

Reaching out, Cloud laid a gentle hand along his cheek, his young face a mix of warm adoration and sympathy.

Love, really. That's what it was, and it had Zack choking up despite himself.

"Are you?" Cloud asked quietly.

"Am I what?" Zack said, weakly trying to reach up and run his fingers through those spikes.

"Are you alright?"

Gasping, Zack's eyes popped wide, chest heaving as he flicked his gaze around the small bathroom.

Right, the airship. He was on an airship. And his arm…

Glancing down, he saw that it was still marred with black, but the harsh stinging had eased. Even the constant oozing had come to a stop. Like the whole wound had suddenly dried out, the black cracked and flaking away. It wasn't gone, but it was… calm.

Startled, Zack whipped his head around to the door as a light tapping echoed around the small room.

"I asked if you're alright in there," a muffled voice called a second later.

Swallowing hard, Zack pushed down on what remained of his anxious panic, even as his heart continued to hammer inside his chest.

"I—I'm fine," he managed to get out, voice shaky and uneven. "Just… tripped is all."

Whoever was on the other side of the door paused, before eventually answering. "…Okay…" There was another long silence, before Zack finally heard footsteps retreating.

Slumping down in place, he released a trembling, relieved breath.

It wasn't real. None of it—the good, the bad—was real. Just… fragments of a broken life.

It was… bittersweet. Because there was a lot of Zack's past that was made of little more than horror. Yet, he found in that moment—in that weak, desperate moment—that he'd be willing to live it all over again, if it meant he could go back far enough to see Cloud again. Back to his dinky Shinra apartment and their young stupidity.

He'd known even as the memory had played through his head that it hadn't been real—Cloud being there, taking care of him. He knew, and yet it'd felt so real. His voice, his smell, his presence.

If Zack didn't know any better, he could have sworn he'd actually been there.

It was a thought that had him pinching his eyes closed, a swell of despair rising so quickly up through his throat that he stood no chance in trying to stop the tears. They leaked down his cheeks, leaving salty tracks in their wake. While his own breath caught in his chest, a soft whimper leaving his lips.

He was so tired, and weak, and in pain.

And _lonely_.

He just wanted to see Cloud again. That was all. It didn't seem like it was much to ask.

He just…

That was all he wanted…

" _Cloud_ …

" _Where are you?"_

Lip's trembling, Zack grit his teeth and curled up against the wall.

" _I need you…"_

_9 Years Ago_

**_(A/N: Trigger warning for this chapter, as it contains themes of a sort of... physically violating/sexual nature. Not to the point where I think it needs to be in the tags, but, in any case, here's your warning. For anyone who is made super uncomfortable by the type of content in this chapter, I don't think there will be any more in this story. But if there is, I'll be sure to post another warning)_ **

Frowning, Zack pulled another pair of sweats out of the washing machine and chucked them into the open dryer beside him. It was somewhat straining, reaching into the washer in order to retrieve his clothes, but he was running out of clean stuff to wear. Well, clean sweatpants, as that was all he really bothered to put on these days.

It was late and he was alone in the First Class laundry room. He'd tried sleeping, but not much success had come of his attempts. For some time, he'd paced up and down his kitchen, randomly rearranging parts of his apartment. But he'd begun to feel restless, so he'd picked up his laundry and started a load. Bitterly. Because he was remembering the whole time that Cloud had promised to help him, yet here he was, alone.

He hated that.

Throwing the last of his sweats into the dryer, the machine was soon rumbling to life. Hopping up onto one of the machines across from the one he was using, he cringed shortly at the tight pain that pulled at his back and chest, before settling into place to wait.

He immediately reached into the pocket of his sweats and pulled out the green healing materia he'd been carrying around all day. Rolling it between his hands, he frowned as he stared down at it.

Cloud had used this materia to save his life.

It was a fact that had been weighing on him all day. With everything else going on, he hadn't had much time to really reflect on what Cloud had done, but now that things had slowed down, his thoughts kept dragging him back.

Cloud had almost died to save him, that's what Tseng had said. He'd never even used materia before, but had managed the cast anyway. After he'd rushed to Zack's side, probably panic-stricken and horrified.

Which Zack should have realized would be the case. Now that he had a face and voice to the words printed on his arm, their gravity was all the more apparent. He _had_ almost died. Had it not been for Cloud's swift, rash thinking, he would be dead. But even worse was the fact that _Cloud_ had almost died in order to make sure he hadn't.

He could have lost Cloud that day. Could have lost him to that dragon too, for that matter. No, Zack didn't consider Cloud to be weak, but he was quickly coming to the haunting conclusion that he was fragile. As fragile as any and all humans were. And sure, Zack had some extra help on his side because of SOLDIER, but that monster had nearly done away with him anyway. One wrong move, one thoughtless action, and it could all be over.

For the first time, he was staring his own mortality in the face, and it terrified him. Not because he was afraid of death, but because he suddenly had something he didn't want to leave behind. Couldn't leave behind, really, because Cloud…

Closing his eyes, he leaned down, hands coming up to his face as he leaned the chilled, smooth surface of the materia against his forehead.

He couldn't get the sight of Cloud in that bathroom stall, sobbing and barely able to breathe, out of his head. It made him sick to his stomach, that he'd caused Cloud to break down in such a way. All because of his own careless words. Which left him anxious over imagining how Cloud must have felt watching him bleed out before his very eyes. Again, because he'd been too stupid to know what he was doing.

It was abundantly clear to him now, how foolish he'd been. Rushing into the most dangerous battles all the time, just in case he happened to come across his soulmate. The words on his arm were clearly panicked and fraught with terror, yet he'd never even considered such things before that very day.

Which made him a pretty shitty soulmate, all in all. For someone who'd always been so infatuated with soulmates, he hadn't spent much time considering what his soulmate's perspective might be. Angeal was right—he'd never really thought of his soulmate as an actual human being. Not until that day, if only because he'd realized just how easy it was to hurt the people he loved. Which was shameful, because for all that Cloud had done that had hurt him, he'd at least known the whole time that he'd been in the wrong. Zack, on the other hand, had required an intervention in order to get on the right track.

He was absolutely ashamed of his behavior. Ashamed of the things he'd said to Cloud during their most recent argument, ashamed of the idiotic things he'd said about soulmates, and ashamed of… of his own foolish willingness to throw himself into danger just to try and bait out his soulmate.

Cloud would be so angry and upset if he knew half of the senseless battles he'd jumped into, despite warnings and despite knowing better.

What if he _had_ died? What if Cloud had been forced to walk around with a faded mark, because of Zack's own foolhardy recklessness?

Cloud, who had so little faith in soulmates in the first place. Who likely wouldn't have been surprised if his soulmate had let him down by dying before they'd even met.

Stupid. It was all so stupid.

And it was making Zack realize that he was just as bad—if not _worse_ —than Cloud. Even if some of it was merely theory, he'd treated Cloud terribly.

He'd put him through so much…

And the whole time, Cloud had been there for him. Whereas when Cloud had screwed up, Zack had done the exact opposite. Initially, anyway.

Somehow, that fact made the idea of forgiving Cloud somewhat easier to swallow, because they were both responsible for this huge mess between them. But, even so, Angeal was right, Cloud did need to realize that he'd screwed up too. No, Zack wasn't going to punish him—that was petty and low and nonsensical—and he did think that Cloud knew how badly he'd messed up. What he was more concerned about was how Cloud would deal with such things in the future.

But maybe that was what Angeal meant when he'd said relationships took hard work. If Cloud was willing to try and step outside his comfort zone in order to be more honest and, frankly, vulnerable—Zack knew what he was asking for wasn't an easy thing—then Zack had to do his best to make Cloud feel comfortable and safe—something he'd obviously failed to do thus far.

Maybe, together, they could build up his confidence. And maybe Zack could get better at being sensitive to the needs of those around him. Or at least to Cloud's needs. Which he should have been sympathetic to in the first place, given what he knew of Cloud's past. No, he couldn't read Cloud's mind, but he'd been fully aware of his insecurities. He could have gotten his own hurt and anger across without being so nasty, and hurting Cloud so terribly.

Being a good friend meant being understanding of others' troubles, if the friendship was deep enough to warrant such vulnerability. Cloud _had_ opened up to him, even just a little, and while he hadn't spelled out his issues, there'd been enough hints to make it clear. Angeal had put it all together easily enough, after all, and Aerith. But instead of doing the same, Zack had taken all of Cloud's worst fears and thrown them back in his face.

In the end, they both needed to communicate better. If they could get to the point of being wholly open with one another, then they'd be in a good place. But that would take time, because Cloud didn't fully trust him. Maybe he wanted to—Zack hoped he did—but that didn't change the reality. And so Zack had to earn that trust, just as Cloud had to earn his. But they could get there.

They could work through this.

Sighing tiredly, Zack stared blankly across the room for a moment, before his attention was eventually drawn down to his arm. To his mark and Cloud's words.

Words that didn't… look right.

Staring critically, Zack ran his fingers over the mark in an attempt to verify that he wasn't going crazy. But no, he was pretty sure the words… that they looked lighter.

Like they were slowly…

Fading.

Heart freezing in his chest, Zack's eyes went wide as the realization struck him. For a second, he didn't know what to do, panic exploding from every nerve in his body. But sitting, doing nothing, wasn't going to do him any good. And so despite the fear that was pulsing heavily through his chest, he dropped himself to his feet.

He was running the moment he hit the floor. Throwing the door to the laundry room open, he sprinted down the hall to his apartment, nearly skidding past the door before flashing his keycard and bursting inside. He dove for his phone, which was sitting on his bed, and shakily went to his contacts.

Hitting Cloud's name, he held the phone up to his ear and held his breath through the monotonous ringing.

One ring, two rings, three rings, four.

It just kept ringing and ringing, every part of his body growing tighter and tighter as the phone went unanswered.

Which was when it really hit him. Full force, like a train.

Something had happened to Cloud.

Somewhere…

Somewhere nearby, he was _dying_.

This reality had his breath catching, movements turning frantic as he swore and tore his phone from his ear. Shoving it into his pocket, he paced shorty before the bed as he tried to figure out what to do, before he was flying back out into the hall. He hardly had a coherent thought to guide him, nor did he waver as a result of his injuries. All he knew was that Cloud was in danger—nothing else mattered.

He knew that continually pushing the elevator button did nothing to make it move faster, but he did so anyway, considering quickly whether or not the stairs would be more efficient. Maybe, if he vaulted to the bottom. But, no, that would definitely kill him.

The elevator finally arrived, Zack bolting inside before punching floor number five. Desperation and thin hope led him to assume this was the most logical place to start. And so he paced inside the elevator too, releasing a pained, urgent groan when it stopped some ten floors down to let on a few suits. They cast him skeptical looks, but Zack hardly noticed. Instead, he crouched down in the corner and gripped his hair, each breath he took shaking in and out in tandem with the descending floor numbers.

It was the longest elevator ride of his life, his fist slamming into the side when it stopped _again_ , which had everyone inside jumping and sidling away. He didn't know he'd left a huge dent in the metal siding, nor that the mako in his eyes was flaring with the same brightness it might have were he in the middle of a tense fight.

The sight of him was apparently enough of a warning, as everyone was scurrying out whether that was their desired stop or not. While the few suits waiting to board visibly hesitated, gaping as they looked Zack up and down.

Hitting the button that would close the doors, Zack moved to the center of the elevator. His whole body had swelled, gaze glaring, lips scowling, as he balled his hands into fists. Which solidified that no one was going to be trying to board with him, the doors closing a few seconds later.

About halfway down, the elevator stopped again. Which had Zack growling as the doors opened, a snarling "don't even think about it" erupting from his lips as those about to board gasped and flinched back. They stared at him through wide, scared eyes, Zack continuing to glare until the doors closed yet again.

Down, down, down, Zack only vaguely aware of his reflection in the metal paneling, glaring back at him. His shoulders were hunched threateningly, the muscles bulging with pent up aggression, his torso straight and tense, holding him taller than many usually perceived him. While his legs were wide-spread, his balance on his toes and his knees slightly bent, preparing him to move.

Zack knew he was a tall guy with broad shoulders, even if he narrowed more down through the middle. But his peppy, friendly attitude usually negated any intimidation these features instilled in others. His attitude was oftentimes considered so overshadowing that it had rubbed up on his reputation, making others see him as an oversized puppy, the type whose brain wasn't yet big enough for his body.

Angeal had lectured him on using this reputation to his advantage, when one of the thirds had made a comment that had stung just a little more harshly than usual. It was a tactical benefit, so to speak, that others assumed he couldn't think outside his mentor, that all he was good for was taking orders. Only those closest to him saw the reality, as they were usually the types to have pinned down who he really was from the beginning—Angeal, Aerith.

Cloud.

Which was why he knew the sight of him aggressively shoving the elevator doors open at floor five, when they didn't clear the way fast enough, was shocking to those waiting on the other side. He never paraded his strength around for strangers to see, only flexing in and out when confrontation called for it. And even then, he only did so when necessary.

_"Think of it as an opportunity," Angeal said, placing a reassuring hand on Zack's shoulder. "They may think you're a puppy, but both you and I know the truth."_

_"The truth?" Zack asked, still frowning as he met Angeal's gaze._

_"You're not a puppy, Zack," he continued. "You're…" Stroking his bearded chin, he squinted off across the practice room. "Genesis once told me I was a bull—direct and dangerous and… stubbornly stuck in my ways. And so I told him he was a hawk, then, precise and deadly, but blinded by how on high he thought himself compared to everyone else. That this singular, independent lifestyle was also his greatest weakness. And, well, Genesis being Genesis replied that he agreed with me, but that it wasn't an issue of possessing weaknesses, but in learning to use them to one's advantage—to be aware of them, so as to thwart any threats that may come as a result."_

_"Then… what does that make me?" Zack asked._

_Angeal cast him one of his small, knowing smiles. "You, Zack, are a panther," he murmured, almost like it was their little secret. "If people are lucky enough to see you at all, they think you're something else entirely. Only you get to decide who truly knows you for what you are. And there's little else more formidable than that kind of surprise."_

Stepping out onto the fifth floor, Zack completely ignored the reputation that preceded him. Plenty of people knew of him—he was Angeal's star student, after all—and so were plenty shocked as he prowled down through the corridor in his civvies. Anyone and everyone in his path veered out of the way, wide-eyed and gaping at the First Class SOLDIER that was stalking through the halls lined with infantry barracks.

There wasn't the slightest bit of hesitation when he finally reached the right room, his feet carrying him swiftly to the empty bed that he knew was Cloud's, just from the smell of it. The mako inside him was pumping harshly through his blood, amplifying every sense and muscle in his body.

"Where's Strife?" he eventually asked, voice harsh and demanding and filling the silence of the barrack, as everyone already inside had gone quiet at the sight of him, most of them shying back at the sheer power rolling off him in heavy, suffocating waves.

When no one answered and instead continued to watch him like scared chickens caught in a pen with a fox, Zack snarled.

"One of you has seen him!" he barked out, causing the whole room to flinch. "Where is he?!"

Yet, even as others watched him, terrified, none of it could compare to the fear pumping beneath his own skin. He could practically feel it now, the way his mark was fading. He couldn't tell if it was real or just his own panic getting the best of him, but maybe, in the end, that didn't matter.

"One of you has seen him!" he roared. "Tell me, where did he go?!"

"He—He left over an hour ago," someone from the far side of the room finally managed to get out. "I d—don't know where he w—w—went."

Hands once again balling into fists, Zack released a guttural growl that had half the room crowding into the corners, many of them crouching down submissively. But he hardly paid them any mind. There was an analogue clock on the wall, above the door, and every second that ticked by was a moment lost—was time that was slipping like sand through his fingers.

Time he didn't have.

"Fuck!" he yelled, once again reaching up to grip at his hair. He paced for a second in a circle, continuing to loudly swear even as all his insides trembled in terror. He couldn't find Cloud. Cloud was dying and he couldn't _find_ him! Where would he have gone? The library? A practice room? But what if that wasn't where he'd gone and Zack wasted valuable time searching?

What if he wasted what little time was left and didn't find him? What if he looked in all the wrong places?

He had all the strength in the world and he was _helpless_!

Something like a growling whine of distress left his throat, the shaking inside him beginning to graduate to his fingers and arms. The mako was pumping to the surface, making him even more unstable, if only because he didn't know what to do with the raw power flooding his system.

Because he didn't know where to start in order to complete the mission. He didn't have an outlet!

And Cloud was _dying_!

Yet, even as panic and hopelessness threatened to overtake him completely, he heard it. Voices he knew, that rang in his head and ricocheted against what few memories he had of encountering Cloud in the halls, surrounded by his bullies.

Whipping his head around to the door, his nostrils flared, the laughing echo of those voices filtering into ears, the sight of them walking casually by the door snapping something inside of him. Everything moved in slow motion, the way the larger one was smiling, visibly amused, while the skinnier guy finished whatever it was he'd been saying.

Half a second it took them to walk by the doorway, yet, even so, Zack's focus zeroed in on an uncovered hand wavering at the larger man's side, the knuckles freshly stained, the skin broken.

He could smell it, the metallic stench of iron. Of blood. And with it, clean familiarity. His senses zeroed in on that pull, on that dragging scent that had him skulking to the door even as the three he was focused on vanished out of sight.

In his eyes, mako-green flared, but all he could see was red.

Stepping out into the corridor, he watched as the three turned and disappeared into one of the barracks across the hall. Stalking after them, he was turning into the room as well, ignoring the gasps of surprise as he zeroed in. As he stretched swiftly across the space between them.

Reaching out, he grabbed the skinnier one by his long, greasy hair, holding the locks tight even as he yanked him away from his counterpart. Which resulted in a cry of alarm and pain, one that Zack ignored as the other one twitched toward him in surprise.

Snarling, Zack grabbed him by the front of his uniform, the thick fabric held in his tightened fist as he surged forward. He slammed the large infantryman past one of the beds and into the nearest metal dresser, which in turn was shoved harshly into the wall behind.

Bones cracked as he did, metal denting and collapsing at the sheer force he used to slam the other man into the drawers. The breath was audibly knocked out of him, his eyes bulging inside his skull as Zack's strength held him aloft, pinning him in place. While in his other hand, he kept his fingers tangled in that mess of hair, dragging the skinnier man after him like a ragdoll.

"Where is he?!" he snarled out, leaning in close to the man he had pinned to the dresser, who was struggling to breathe, surprise, fear, and pain tripping across his expression as he vainly—defensively—clawed at Zack's hand, as if he'd somehow be able to free himself. The one he held in his other hand was doing much the same, shouting in outrage even as Zack twisted his hand more harshly into that disgusting mop of hair.

" **Where is he?!** " Zack yelled, when he didn't get an answer fast enough. Which only inspired more terror to slip across the larger bully's face, while the other whimpered and weakly tried to pull his head free, which would only be possible if he voluntarily scalped himself.

Pushing harder into the dresser, into the larger man, Zack could hear the bones straining not to break under the pressure. "Tell me…" he growled through his teeth.

"He's in the washroom!" a voice called out from behind him, Zack keeping both his holds steady as he whipped his head over his shoulder. There, crouching down in the middle of the room—shaking like a leaf—was the last of the three. He was cowering, his hands shielding his head as he stared up at Zack through terrified tears. "The washroom to the right of his barrack!" he continued. "That's where he is!"

Dropping the other two immediately, Zack was leaving them behind before either had even collapsed on the ground. He only turned back to the room as he was stepping out the door, gesturing harshly to the group still struggling to recover from his assault.

"Do _not_ let them leave!" he commanded to the rest of the room, before he was dashing out into the hall and back the way he'd come. It took all of half a second for him to come to a skidding halt in front of the shower room door. Grabbing the knob, he shoved it quickly in, breath heavy as he surged inside.

"Cloud?!" he called out desperately, looking swiftly from one side of the shower room to the other. Blood was smeared across the middle area of the tile floor, the scent of it wafting nauseously into Zack's nostrils. The sound of running water drew his attention to the back of the room, to the only stall that appeared to be occupied.

Sprinting forward, Zack nervously held his breath as he yanked the curtain aside.

As he revealed a scene that pulled a crying whine from his throat, the air that was gasping from his lungs dragging him down. Reaching out, he crumpled to his knees.

"Cloud?" he whispered, his hands shaking as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing.

Truth be told, the only giveaway that the body before him was Cloud at all was the hair. Spiky, blonde, and stained with blood. The rest of him was so beaten and so swollen that he was literally unrecognizable. Bloodied, bruised, and shoved into the shower stall like a sack.

It was so much worse than when Zack had found him on his bathroom floor. Every part of him was bloodied, bruised, cut, or shattered. Zack could visibly see his broken ribs, some of the bone straining as though it was trying to puncture through the skin. His shoulders were knocked, broken or out of place, and something about the way his hips were cocked was… wrong. Like they'd been crushed or stomped on. His whole body echoed this idea, like he'd been beaten beyond recognition before his attackers had decided to break his body further. At every point they could.

His face was so swollen and so bruised, his head gushing blood. Other parts of him too. The longer Zack looked, the worse and worse it became, until no part of him was visibly unmarred. Like a ragdoll dropped in a blender, blood continually pooling atop the tile even as it was washed down the drain.

It was the sort of sight that spelled out death. People weren't found alive looking like this. People didn't _live_ through this sort of violence.

But even so, Zack had to try.

Thinking back later, he knew what he did then, but it didn't register in his brain. Like his thoughts were stuck on the sight of Cloud, while his body took action outside himself. He didn't remember getting back to his feet and darting out into the hall. He had no memory of grabbing the nearest infantryman and ripping their bracer from their wrist. Somehow, he ended up back with Cloud, the bracer snapped around his own wrist as he floundered for the materia in his pocket. With it in place, his instincts reacted without conscious thought, the high level cure spell erupting from his hands even as he ever so gently laid them across Cloud's cracked chest.

He watched, breath ever-baited, as the spell flashed green all over Cloud's body. It took more energy than Zack had ever used with a cure spell before, because there was simply so much damage. This wasn't one bad wound in need of healing, but a plethora. Which required the power behind multiple cure spells. Zack feared, as he started the cast, that it'd be too late. That it'd have been too long of a wait to have any effect.

But as the telltale green slithered over Cloud's skin, he was gradually being patched back to normal. His whole body shifted as his hips were pieced together, his legs drawn into place. His torso straightened and his ribs folded beneath the skin, his shoulders aligning as they slid back into their sockets. The swelling visibly depleted, like a balloon losing air, while most of his cuts were sewn back together, the bruises fading.

Zack kept up the cast the whole time, his own energy slowly depleting until Cloud looked like Cloud again. Until all that remained were the gruesome blood stains that hadn't been washed away by the running water.

Still trembling, Zack swallowed hard as the green cure spell faded, one hand still resting on Cloud's chest as he reached up with the other and checked his pulse.

It was weak. Very, very weak. And though he looked well-enough now, he barely breathed.

He'd lost a lot of blood. So, so much blood. Cure spells couldn't fix everything. He was pale, limp, and very much still in danger. Fearing the spell was little more than a temporary bandage hiding what was really going on underneath, Zack ignored his own weakness completely as he gathered Cloud up in his arms.

He was so light.

And so still.

Rushing from the room, adrenaline pushed him onward. Down the hall, into the elevator, and then out again onto the medical floor. He didn't remember being let in, and every word he spoke as he explained to the nurses what he'd found filtered through his ears like he was stuck underwater.

It was only once Cloud's still, pale body was being wheeled away through the double doors—Zack required to stay behind despite objections—that he slowly began to return to himself.

Heart beating hard and fast in his own ears, he stumbled back until he was sitting on the edge of one of the chairs lining the wall. His hand was gripping his arm, his mark, so tightly that he could feel his own pulse beneath the skin. Waiting, he stared at the doors where Cloud had disappeared, time moving too slowly now.

So slowly it _ached_.

But even as his grip on his arm bruised his own skin, even as his legs kept shaking and his heart beat uncontrollably, the mako in him pulsed harshly—defensively. It pushed through, carrying with it every bit of rage, anger, and frenzied aggression that had only barely been masked by his desperate panic.

The image of Cloud—broken and beaten and disfigured—burned behind his eyes, until his shaking stemmed from fury instead of fear.

He'd kill them.

He'd kill them all.

Throwing himself to his feet, Zack whipped around toward the door, hands balled into fists at his side and teeth clenched so tight they felt as though they could crack. Stalking to the door, he was just about to reach out and yank it open, but before he could, someone else pushed their way through, forcing Zack to stumble back.

And he might have skirted around them, had the sight of those mako-eyes and long silver hair not snagged his attention. Though, even faced with General Sephiroth, he didn't much care to hide the snarl on his face and the violence in his posture.

"Move," he growled out, staring Sephiroth down even as the other man raised a single, skeptical eyebrow at him.

"You need to calm down," Sephiroth said steadily, not the least bit fazed by Zack's inflated posture or the fact that Zack was, in fact, just a tad bit taller than he was.

"I'll calm down when they're _dead_ ," Zack hissed through his teeth.

"You'll calm down right now," Sephiroth said firmly.

"Move!" Zack yelled, right in his face.

Sephiroth's slitted eyes narrowed. Before he was reaching out with speed Zack could hardly register. He had the front of Zack's shirt in his clenched fist a moment later, before he was swinging him around and slamming him into the wall. So hard that Zack could feel the sheetrock crack behind him, the breath knocked harshly out of his lungs.

"You _will_ calm down," Sephiroth said steadily. "Or I will make you."

Reaching up, Zack instinctively tried to pry himself free, but even as he heard the bones in Sephiroth's arm cracking under the strength of his grip, the older SOLDIER held him in place, pushing so hard against his chest that the wall behind him continued to crack, until eventually Zack was seeing stars because he couldn't breathe.

"Calm down," Sephiroth said steadily. "And then we will deal with this."

He was held aloft for a few seconds longer, until the lack of oxygen weakened his ability to fight back. At which point, Sephiroth finally let up some on the pressure. Trembling and blinking back on the darkness that was threatening to overcome him, Zack slowly slid down the wall until he was landing in a heap on the floor. Sephiroth's hold on his shirt had turned surprisingly gentle as he'd guided him into place, before he finally let go and took a step back.

The lack of air had cleared away some of the mako-aggression as well, like it'd been throttled out of him. Though Zack was still furious and, frankly, blood-thirsty, some semblance of awareness finally started to filter in, leaving him to turn his gaze up to Sephiroth even as tears threatened to erupt behind his eyes. Teeth gritted, he forced himself to take a deep breath, even as his whole body continued to shake.

Sephiroth, meanwhile, flexed his hand a few times—the one he'd held Zack with—before releasing a very subtle hum of pain. Expression tight, he raised his other arm and released a cure spell, one that repaired any of the damage Zack had done to him. Because Zack had definitely broken his arm and wrist, at the very least.

Around them, a few nurses were gaping, having crowded back against the wall. They were visibly terrified, but neither Zack nor Sephiroth really paid them any attention.

"I'm going to kill them," Zack said steadily, once Sephiroth was staring down at him again. "I'll kill them all."

"Let's deal with this situation one step at a time," Sephiroth said slowly, warningly, which only added to Zack's fury, despite the fact that he was now in control enough to remain composed.

Turning to the nurses still silently watching them, Sephiroth gestured to the office located just off waiting area. "Is that room available?" he asked smoothly.

One of the nurses hastily nodded, which was enough for Sephiroth. "Let's go," he said simply, gesturing Zack to come after him as he turned and headed for the door.

Sitting on the floor some seconds longer—still wrestling with his anger and frustration—Zack eventually managed to throw himself back to his feet. Ignoring the pain rippling from both his wounds and newly inflicted bruises (perhaps even some cracked bones), he stomped after Sephiroth, slamming the door behind him once they were both sufficiently inside.

Zack opened his mouth to start speaking again, as soon as he caught Sephiroth in his sights, but before he could, the general was holding up a silencing hand, a gesture that also came across as rather threatening and that had Zack faltering.

"I got a call about a scene you caused on the infantry floor," he started, ever calm. "So tell me—from the beginning—what happened."

Breathing harshly through his nose, Zack glared at him for a moment, before closing his eyes entirely and forcing himself to find discipline, even if he was teetering dangerously close to the edge.

Where did he even start?

"Cloud Strife is an infantryman that I'm… friends with," he replied stiffly. "I was looking for him and found him in the public showers beside his barrack. He was—He…" Swallowing hard, Zack tried to push back on the image despite how it flooded his thoughts. "They'd beat him until he was… unrecognizable. It's amazing he was still alive at all, if—if he is still—I don't…" He was afraid to look down at his mark now—afraid of what he'd find.

"Who beat him?" Sephiroth asked.

"He has these three bullies. He's already ended up in medical once because of them. Angeal… Angeal knew about it and gave Clou—Strife specific orders about not going anywhere alone or… And he was punishing the other three. But, obviously, it wasn't enough."

Sephiroth—while he'd been talking—had bent down in front of the computer and started typing.

"Which shower room did you find him in?" he asked.

"Which one?" Zack tried to think back. "I don't—It was the one right beside his barrack. To the right of his barrack, which is number…" He tried to remember the room he'd found himself in. "Barrack seven, I think."

"Then he'd have been in shower room seven," Sephiroth said simply, still typing away at the computer. "How long ago do you think he was assaulted?"

"It couldn't have been that long ago," Zack replied, holding up the infantry bracer still attached to his wrist. "I managed a cure cast before I brought him here and it made a big difference, so it was…" Thinking about it was starting to get to him.

"It was recent," Sephiroth finished. "We'll check the security footage."

"Security?" Zack asked, stepping forward a few steps as he did. "But he was in the showers—there's no cameras in there."

Sephiroth peered at him over the top of the monitor. "Shinra has cameras everywhere," he said simply. "Personal apartments, bathrooms, showers. Very few people know it, or can access them, but it's true."

Zack gaped. "That's… kind of fucked up."

Sephiroth hummed, seemingly in agreement, while Zack moved around the desk to join him in front of the computer, where he'd logged into the Shinra database and pulled up the security archives.

"So does that mean they even have cameras in my room?" he asked darkly.

"Yes. But if there's no reason to watch you, then there's no reason anyone would bother checking them."

Suddenly very paranoid, Zack looked around the office they were currently in, but the camera in the corner was readily apparent. Unlike whatever cameras must be in his apartment. Or in the showers.

"As I said," Sephiroth continued, his own gaze drawing Zack's his way, "if there is no reason to check them, then no one will bother."

"Right…" Zack was still uncomfortable. But at least it was something distracting, the relatively calm conversation successfully dissipating some of his anger.

"Here," Sephiroth had pulled up video footage from the showers, the camera situated at an angle up near the ceiling, which gave them a generous view of the entire room. Refocused on what was happening, Zack watched as a few infantrymen walked in and out, most of them in various stages of undress that Zack ignored. When there was little activity for some time, Sephiroth fast-forwarded through the footage, until Zack was jolting and leveling a finger at the screen. "There! That's him!"

It was Cloud. He'd just walked in and was undressing, setting his clothes aside before making his way quickly to a shower in the back. He was no longer visible once the shower curtain was pulled closed, the entire room again falling to inactivity. Yet Zack's heart was pounding hard in his chest, because he knew it was coming.

"Perhaps you shouldn't watch this," Sephiroth said after a pause, which had Zack flicking his gaze his way. "You were very emotional over the whole ordeal. If your… friend was in as bad a shape as you claim, then you may not want to see what's coming. I can be the one to deal with it."

Lips pursing, Zack considered his words only quickly. "No." Shaking his head, he returned his attention to the screen. "I can watch it. I want to know… I need to know what they did to him."

Somewhere, in the back of his thoughts, fears that he hadn't yet considered slinked into place, but he was yet refusing to entertain them.

"Then you have to stay calm," Sephiroth replied.

Zack nodded. "I will," he assured, his hands balling into determined fists.

Having no further objections, Sephiroth nodded before returning his attention to the screen. When there was once again no activity, Sephiroth fast-forwarded again, only stopping when one of the other infantrymen in the showers stepped out into view and then quickly out again. Another one did the same shortly after, Zack able to see from the number of curtains now pulled open that Cloud was the only one left.

His whole chest shuddered.

Within the minute, three infantrymen still dressed in the main parts of their uniform—sans helmets and two of them were without gloves—stepped into view.

"That's them," Zack said quickly.

Nodding, Sephiroth moved the mouse until he had control of the volume, at which point he unmuted it and turned it up so they could hear.

The three still dressed were motioning to each other, before one whispered to the smallest one " _the door_." Zack was a little surprised they could hear it at all, but perhaps that spoke to the strength of Shinra's security.

The smaller of the three disappeared then, Sephiroth quickly typing until another box with camera footage appeared, this one looking down the other side of the room. Which allowed them to see the smaller infantryman take one of the chairs from the front corner of the room and wedge it up under the door, so no one else could get in.

Zack flicked his attention back to the previous footage.

The other two were creeping forward, the fury in Zack's gut already boiling anew as he watched them.

Watched as they ripped Cloud's shower curtain aside before reaching in and yanking him out. Cloud, to his credit, reacted immediately, tearing himself out of their grasp before spinning aggressively around on them. Yet, even with all the fight in the world, Zack was suddenly very much aware of how small Cloud was. How vulnerable.

How fragile.

They exchanged some meaningless threats then, Cloud snapping out at them as he very visibly tried to search for an escape. Zack could see in his body language how nervous he was. Nerves that eventually turned to fear as the bloated threats suddenly became very real.

" _Maybe you_ _ **won't**_ _end up there,_ " one of them was saying, Zack able to tell by the back of his head that it was the skinny one with the long, stringy hair that was speaking. " _Maybe this time, we'll kill you!_ "

Zack felt all his insides go cold.

They said something then about Angeal and not having any proof, which only continued to fuel Zack's anger, before Cloud made a threat of his own.

" _If you… If you honestly kill me, you're all dead too,_ " he said, though his voice was audibly shaken. " _Because… Zack Fair will murder all of you._ "

Leaning in a little more intently, Zack continued to watch.

Two of them laughed. " _Because you have all the Firsts in your pocket now?_ "

" _No,_ " Cloud continued. " _Because Zack is my soulmate and he'll literally rip you all apart._ "

Yes, he would. Was planning to. Had every intention of doing so.

Beside him, Sephiroth glanced only quickly at him, but was soon refocused back on the footage. There was further discussion, Cloud's threats not believed by any of them. The one that had gone to the door had stepped forward, and at one point, he and the stringy haired one started talking amongst each other.

" _You can stop worrying,_ " he was saying. " _How many times do I have to tell you that I've got everything under control?_ "

" _You've really got him under your thumb, don't you?_ " Cloud interjected, Zack—for once—wishing he'd just keep his mouth shut. Then again, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. " _Do you always do what he says?_ "

" _You'd be shocked at the things I can get him to do_. _We always have a good time together, me, him, and whoever else we decide is… interesting._ " There was something disgustingly suggestive in his tone, which had Zack going very pale and very still as he continued to watch.

" _Allen thought you were interesting, once upon a time,_ " the bastard added lastly.

"No," Zack was soon muttering to himself, leaning in closer to the computer. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no."

Reaching out, Sephiroth laid a firm hand on his shoulder, even as they both continued watching.

Things were getting bad now. Cloud was audibly desperate, beginning to bargain, but it didn't make any difference. Zack's whole body was shaking once they started closing in on him, Sephiroth's grip on his shoulder so tight it was painful. But he hardly noticed, like his whole body had gone numb in response to the scene unfolding before him.

It was hard to see what was going on from the angle of the camera, which might have been for the best. But, then again, maybe not, because Zack was in physical pain as Cloud's figure was blocked from his view, as he was swallowed by the two bodies that were very visibly using all their strength and all their aggression to beat on him. Beat him thoroughly into the tile floor, the last of the three wavering back some, but equally in the way.

Cloud must have been sinking, or falling, because soon they were bent over, continuing to assault him. While Zack was unable to tear his gaze away, his hands finding their way into his hair, gripping painfully, while his teeth clenched dangerously tight.

It felt like it went on forever, the skinnier of the two eventually stepping off while the larger continued with the violence. Skinny said something to the smaller guy that was too soft for the mic to pick up, before he was reaching out and grabbing the one still beating Cloud by the arm.

" _I told you to chill,_ " he said strictly, which finally put a stop to the beating as the larger guy turned his way. " _Don't kill him._ "

Larger guy shoved him off. " _I thought we'd decided we were gonna kill him._ "

" _Don't kill him… yet,_ " the other one corrected, which earned him a sigh.

" _Look, guys, let's just stop, okay?_ " the third cut in suddenly. " _We should go, before we get caught._ "

" _No one can get in here,_ " stringy hair replied simply. " _I told you to stop worrying._ " Which apparently shut up the more submissive of the three.

" _Did you knock him unconscious?_ " stringy hair asked a second later, appearing to lean over Cloud's body. " _I told you not to._ "

" _Whatever._ " The larger man waved him off. " _I can't help wanting to beat his face in._ "

" _I wanted him awake,_ " stringy hair said in annoyance, before crouching down beside Cloud. " _Which… he is. Pretty out of it though._ " Cloud's head—marred with blood—visibly lolled to the side. " _But that's alright—he'll still know what's going on._ "

" _If we're gonna kill him, then why does that matter?_ " larger guy asked.

" _Have some finesse, Rich,_ " stringy hair said shortly, standing up again as he did. " _What's the point of a little torture of he's not awake to know it's happening?_ "

" _I don't want to torture him, I want to kill him._ "

Stringy hair placed a hand on larger guy's chest. " _Just… chill._ "

Huffing, the larger man turned to stare down at Cloud, but didn't make a move to do anything else. While stringy hair returned his attention to the last of the three, sidling up beside him before sliding a delicate hand down his arm. The smaller man shivered, but didn't back away.

" _I got you what you wanted,_ " he said softly.

" _This isn't what I wanted,_ " the other said meekly.

Stringy hair chuckled. " _We both know that's not true._ " A statement that wasn't objected to. " _I know you, just like you know me, so don't deny it. It'll be just like last night._ "

Beside them, the larger guy huffed and made a head motion as if he was rolling his eyes.

" _You had fun last night,_ " stringy hair continued. " _I know you did. We both did._ " He gestured to Cloud then. " _So take what I know you want. And while you take him, I'll take you. Just like we talked about._ "

" _I don't…_ "

" _I can fuck him first, if that'll make you feel better,_ " stringy hair said, Zack's whole heart stalling in his chest as he listened. Wide-eyed, he watched, unwilling to believe this was really happening. That it _had_ happened. This couldn't be possible. They couldn't do worse to him than they already had.

"Please, no…" he whispered, unaware of how broken his voice was. That Sephiroth was now holding both his shoulders. Holding him steady even as his whole body shivered around him.

" _I know you sometimes like to watch me do it first,_ " stringy hair continued. " _But I thought that, since you liked him so much, you'd want to go first this time._ "

They'd both turned to look at Cloud again.

" _He won't scream like that girl from a few days ago,_ " stringy hair said. " _He's too out of it to do anything. I know you don't like it when they scream and cry, so I made sure you don't have to worry. You can just… close your eyes and pretend—I know you like it better that way._ "

" _Y—Yeah…_ " the other guy agreed, his voice barely catching on the mic.

Zack couldn't breathe. He knew, in the back of his mind, that this wasn't happening in real time—that it was over and done with. But even so, he wanted to jump up and do something. He wanted to stop it. But, instead, he was useless, only able to helplessly watch despite the desperate sob that filtered up through his throat. His hands dropped from his hair down to frame his face, as if blinders would somehow hide that which he was watching unfold right in front of him. Or maybe he was instinctively preparing himself to cover his eyes. Yet, he couldn't, because he still couldn't believe this was happening.

It couldn't happen. It just couldn't.

Please, _please_ no.

On the floor in front of them, Cloud was struggling to move. His arms shifted weakly, while his head once again rolled to the side. It was hard to tell, at their distance, but Zack was certain his eyelashes had fluttered. Which only broke Zack's insides further, because if this was really going to happen, then it'd be better if Cloud was unconscious. But he wasn't, he _wasn't_ , and Zack's entire world was shattering.

He just wanted to save him. He wanted to _help_ him. And he _couldn't_.

He was too late.

" _C'mon,_ " stringy hair said, tugging the smaller man forward by his belt. He followed dutifully, despite obviously being nervous. And for a second, Zack thought maybe he wouldn't be able to go through with it, that he's stop. But as he continued forward until he was standing directly over Cloud, their previous conversation reared its ugly head. Because they'd done this before—both of them—and so there wasn't any real trepidation to stop them now.

Another sob ripped through Zack's whole body as the smaller man slowly lowered himself down before Cloud, between his legs, while his partner stood behind, seemingly urging him on.

Cloud visibly shifted, his hands scraping weakly over the tile as if he might try and fight back, a barely audible " _don't, please don't,_ " struggling out of his mouth.

Hesitating only a moment, the man on the ground reached out and laid his hands on Cloud's bare knees, the contact sending a jerking tremor through Cloud's whole body, one that Zack felt echo down to his own bones. It was nauseating—torturous—and Zack wanted to be sick. Knew he would be, before this was over.

Behind him, Sephiroth kept a firm hold on his shoulders, even as he audibly swore under his breath.

A sobbing cry crawled its way out of Cloud's throat, as those invasive hands slowly started to slide down the insides of his thighs. He jerked again, but didn't have the strength to do anything.

" _Don't_ ," he begged again. " _P—Please, stop._ "

But it was like none of them could even hear him.

His arms flinched again, a feeble whimper breaking from between his lips. " _Zack…_ "

Sinking to his knees before the desk, Zack crumpled, the sound of his own name—so desperate and pleading and lost—hitting him so hard he was certain his insides had withered away completely, leaving him hollow as he clenched his eyes shut and splayed his hands helplessly across the sides of his face. Another broken sob erupted from his throat, tears streaking down his face.

He couldn't watch. He couldn't. But Cloud couldn't look away, couldn't get away, and so he _had_ to watch. He had to know. Even as his heart split inside his chest, even as his tears blurred his vision to the point where he could scarcely make out the sight of the computer monitor in front of him.

"Zack, maybe you shouldn't watch this," Sephiroth said above him, his own voice strained. "I'm not even sure that I can…"

But Cloud hadn't been able to turn away. He'd been stuck there, trapped, and no one had been there to save him. Zack hadn't been there.

He was all alone, surrounded by _monsters_.

" _What the fuck was that?_ " It was the larger man who spoke so suddenly, his voice ringing of paranoia as he turned toward the door. The other two did as well, all three of them going still as they waited and listened.

" _What the hell is wrong with this door?_ " The voice was muffled, but loudly frustrated, the door to the shower room jiggling as someone on the other side made generous attempts to get in. " _Hey!_ " he called a moment later. " _Whoever's in there, open up this goddamn door!_ "

" _Shit,_ " stringy hair hissed out, while his partner—his pants only partly undone—was on his feet and spinning around, fear blatant in his expression.

" _I told you I didn't want to play your guys' messed up games!_ " the larger one muttered harshly, before he was grabbing Cloud by the hair and dragging him across the shower room floor. Like a sack of potatoes, he tossed him into the stall, which made it all the harder to see what was happening. He didn't immediately pull the curtain shut, instead shadowing over Cloud for some moments, visibly continuing to beat and stomp on him.

The other two remained where they were, still staring at the other side of the room. Until the door was jiggled again, startling the smallest of the three as he reached down and re-buttoned the front of his pants.

" _Rich,_ " stringy hair hissed out, the larger man continuing to beat on Cloud just a little longer, before finally stepping back out of the stall. He then yanked the shower curtain into place, before turning on his heel and heading out to join the other two. Together, they continued on to the door.

Reaching down, Sephiroth quickly pulled the other camera back up, giving them a full view of what was happening at the door. The chair was removed, which allowed stringy hair to pull it open. As a result, the man standing on the other side nearly fell in on top of them.

" _What the hell are you assholes doing?_ " he asked. He wasn't a soldier, but a janitor, based on his clothes. Yet, even so, he wasn't the least bit cowed by the three infantrymen staring at him. " _In here fuckin' around,_ " he continued to rant. " _Gettin' complaints this time of night about the door not working, but I know what the hell you dumbass kids get up to in here. Get out! Now!_ " He waved them through, the three hesitating only a moment before giving in and stepping out into the hall. While the janitor took only a quick look into the room, grumbled something else, and turned away as well.

The door fell closed behind him, leaving everything quiet aside from the sound of the shower spray still pouring down over Cloud's broken body.

Shocked and wide-eyed, Zack continued staring at the monitor for some time, even as the footage remained undisturbed. Until, finally, Sephiroth was once again moving the mouse, fast-forwarding only a bit until Zack himself was bursting in through the shower room door, calling Cloud's name. At which point he closed out the windows and took a step back.

Zack remained on the floor, however, still numb, but slowly beginning to thaw.

It hit him eventually that Cloud had only narrowly missed being raped, even if he'd still suffered excruciating violence otherwise. And while this was somewhat of a relief, it was short-lived, because those assholes had still _tried_ to rape him, had still violated his person in a horrible, disgusting fashion, and still had to be reckoned with.

Despite his heartbreak and terror, despite his shock, Zack was heating up again. More furious than he'd ever been in his life as he shoved himself back into standing.

"No," Sephiroth said simply, reaching out to grab him by the shoulder before he could make his way around the desk to the door.

"I'm going to rip their limbs from their bodies and shove them down their throats," Zack rebuked hotly, tearing himself out of Sephiroth's hold as he did.

"No, you're going to stay here," he replied calmly, though his tone was far colder than it had been previously.

"They're not going to get away with—"

"You're going to stay here," Sephiroth repeated, "because your responsibility is to that… poor boy, who needs you to be here."

A claim that sufficiently silenced Zack, despite how objections attempted to come bursting out of his mouth.

"I will deal with those three," Sephiroth finished lastly.

"You can't just 'deal' with them," Zack barked back. "They need to d—"

"Zack," Sephiroth said firmly. So firmly that Zack automatically straightened at the tone of his voice. Even as Sephiroth's normally calm, unreadable countenance shifted. Just slightly, into something darker and far, far more threatening. "I will take care of them," he said simply.

It was his firm certainty that left Zack floundering, unsure what to do. He hadn't been able to help Cloud, to save him, but he could at least go back and destroy those responsible for causing him so much pain. Yet, he was being told to do otherwise, because Cloud needed him there. Which maybe was true, if Cloud was even…

But those three…

Just thinking about them had his blood boiling.

"I understand that it's hard," Sephiroth cut in, perhaps able to see the internal conflict splashing across his face. "But it's better that you stay here. You're upset—rightfully so—and have already caused a scene. Which can be dealt with, given the circumstances, but I'll handle the rest of the logistics. The best thing you can do is remain here and wait."

Two things Zack was particularly bad at—staying in one place when he wanted to be somewhere else and waiting when he had no idea how long he would be waiting for.

But perhaps it was his own guilt that was spurring his nerves, because he hadn't been able there to _do_ anything. So now he wanted to do something, because Cloud's health was completely out of his hands.

Staying meant he had to continue to flounder in his own uselessness.

"You're needed more here, Zack," Sephiroth said lastly. "I'll come back after I've dealt with the situation."

He cast Zack one last, severe look, before he was moving on past him and out the door. As soon as he was gone, an insufferable silence fell over the room, one that was so smothering, Zack was once again struggling to breathe. Still shaking all over, he stumbled to the chair sitting in front of the desk, before gracelessly dropping himself down into it.

It was like constant whiplash, because there was so much rage-induced power flowing through him, but beside it was the acute knowledge that there was nothing he could do. Even if he were the one going out to deal with Cloud's attackers, that didn't undo what had been done to him. It didn't fix the damage. It didn't put the pieces back together.

It left him frustrated and upset, the footage on the security camera repeating in his head behind the terrible image of Cloud so broken in that shower stall. He couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop being angry. It was overwhelming him, yet with no outlet, he could do nothing, his arms wrapping around his middle as he closed his eyes and sat, shaking.

Shaking, and waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People end up naked in this fic a lot, I've noticed, lol. 
> 
> Anyway, things just keeping getting worse for Present Zack. He's trying his best to push forward, but...
> 
> And the past... I don't know how it was reading it for you guys, but I was seriously nauseous writing about Cloud's assault. Maybe that kind of scenario is just something I can't... execute in real time, I dunno, but anyway. 
> 
> Lots of Sephy this chapter too, hu hu. 
> 
> ANYWAY! Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--for chapter previews and to listen to me yelling about these dumb boys.


	23. Chapter 23

_Present Day_

Cloud heard it just as he was stepping out the bathroom door, a cacophony of clattering and a few loud thumps coming from the bathroom beside his own. There were three bathrooms in total, the noise echoing from the one to his right.

Pausing outside, he could see light shining out from under the door, making it clear that the room was, in fact, occupied. So, for some moments, he just stood, considering whether or not to say anything. He didn't know who it could be in there—Cid had an entire crew aboard the airship—but a banging like that sounded an awful lot like someone had fallen, or broken something. If somebody needed help…

Pursing his lips, Cloud approached the door, hesitating just a second longer before tapping lightly. "Are you alright?" he called, keeping his voice somewhat subdued so as not to startle the person on the other side.

He waited, but no response ever came. Leaning back, he double-checked that, yes, the light was in fact on, so someone must be inside. Reaching out, he checked the doorknob as well, turning it just enough to verify that it was locked from the other side.

Huffing, he debated some before leaning in and trying to listen. But it was quiet, no breathing or groaning or other noises he'd likely prefer not to hear.

Maybe he should just walk away. They hadn't said anything, so maybe they wanted to be left alone. The last thing he wanted to do was bother someone while they were taking care of their private business.

Yet, if something was wrong…

Raising his hand, Cloud tapped a little louder this time. "I asked if you're alright in there," he called out.

"I—I'm fine," was the shaky, wavering response he finally got. "Just… tripped is all."

Frowning, Cloud wondered only fleetingly if he should continue inquiring, before deciding that—so long as who was in there was okay—it wasn't any of his business.

"…Okay…" he settled for saying, before stepping back off the door. He stared at the light leaking out from underneath for a few seconds longer, before finally turning and heading off toward the bridge. Hopefully whoever was in there really was alright.

Something about the whole thing was niggling into his brain, however, Cloud pausing just outside the corridor that would lead him to the bridge, if only so he could glance back at the bathroom.

That voice—shaken as it'd been—left him with a cold feeling running down his spine. Not in a bad way, necessarily—not like when he heard Sephiroth's voice in his nightmares. This was simpler somehow, like déjà vu—like someone had cracked a door behind him, letting the chill from outside slip in. And while Cloud didn't always trust his feelings or memories, he did generally accept that—broken or not—they usually "meant" something.

It was… strange.

"Ah!" Flinching in pain, Cloud instinctively grabbed hold of his arm, where jarring pain was echoing all the way up to his shoulder. As if someone was grabbing a raw nerve and pinching. Before it got worse, like it was then set on fire.

Teeth gritted, Cloud stumbled to the side, before hastily shoving his elbow-high glove down to his wrist. Which exposed his soulmarks, both faded and new. Well, had been new. Zack's soulmark remained the same, but as Cloud watched—as he inhaled sharply at the searing agony—the new mark shifted. The newly formed phrase—" _Yeah, I think so._ "—was warping, like black ink was melting into his skin, until the words were no longer legible. A bubbling, black smear had replaced them, one that didn't rub away even as Cloud scrubbed at it with his thumb.

Another wave of pain had him staggering, leaning up against the wall. Eyes wide, he watched as the ink smear again started to shift, separating and tightening back into letters. Slowly, it all came together again, until, finally, it'd settled into place. The pain faded to a throbbing echo as Cloud blinked back against the bleariness that had come to coat his eyes.

" _It's kind of a long story._ "

Another new soulmark on his arm, replacing the previous.

Breathing heavily, sweat coating his skin, Cloud remained slumped against the wall, breathing hard as he stared down at his arm. His mind was a blank, no possible explanation or reason behind what had just happened coming to mind. His situation had been weird enough, getting a new soulmark at all. But this? The same soulmark _changing_?

That was definitely unheard of.

The new soulmark had been fathomable. It'd still seemed impossible, but he and others had been able to theorize. Somewhere out there, he had a new soulmate. He'd hated the idea, but it'd sort of made sense.

This, though… He didn't even know where to start. A changing soulmark? It didn't make any sense. Soulmarks were representative of the first words soulmates said to one another, of the "destined meeting" intended by the planet. And while Cloud knew full-well that not all soulmate relationships worked out, he'd never even thought to doubt initial meetings. Even with him having been a stubborn idiot about talking to Zack all those years ago, their soulmarks had matched up.

What did this mean? That… That his "fated meeting" with this new soulmate had changed? How? Why?

Or did it mean something else entirely?

Maybe… Maybe it wasn't a soulmark at all? But then, what was he dealing with?

Shaken despite himself—despite his general indifference toward soulmark related ideas—Cloud stared down at the new mark for some time longer, before the sound of the airship engines raring yanked him back to the moment. Breathing heavily, he pulled his glove back up over his marks, glancing around only quickly—self-consciously—before finally shoving himself up off the wall.

He didn't know why this was happening. Yet again, he was assaulted by frustrated anger. He hadn't wanted another soulmate to begin with. Now, it was only becoming more complicated. And strange. And… unnerving. Whatever this thing was, he wanted nothing to do with it. There was enough on his plate as it was—he didn't need more added to it.

He'd just… ignore it. For now, that was all he could do. Granted, doing so wasn't the smart decision—he knew that—but he was at a loss otherwise. He'd gone to the smartest people he knew when the soulmark had first appeared and they'd had nothing for him. This new development would only baffle them further.

Frankly, he wasn't interested in finding out more. So long as it wasn't killing him, it didn't matter. He had bigger issues to concern himself with.

Making sure his glove was sufficiently covering both his marks, Cloud continued on, ducking into the short, dimly lit corridor that would lead him back to the bridge. It took only seconds to reach the door, Cloud pushing his way through and trying to appear as unbothered as possible.

The bridge itself was bright and open, towering, rounded glass windows at the head of the room giving all inside a generous view of the sky flowing by around them. It was a clear day, pristine even, and the clarity only downed Cloud's mood further. Moving on beneath the platform above his head—where Cid was positioned at the helm—he returned to the metal counter where he'd set up his affairs. Normally it'd be the navigation center, but as Cid wasn't in need of such assistance for a routine trip to Icicle Inn, Cloud had taken it over temporarily.

The crew was spread out otherwise, two co-pilots situated at stations at the base of the windows, on the same level as Cloud, while a few others filtered around up top, keeping tabs on things for Cid that Cloud didn't bother worrying about. Elena was also present, sitting at a station on the other side of the aisle from Cloud's counter. He wasn't sure what she did either, but she'd occasionally yell numbers up to Cid, which then resulted in the engines being adjusted.

Ignoring it all, Cloud dropped himself into the swiveling chair before his counter, turning back to the tablet and paperwork he'd originally abandoned upon needing to go relieve himself. He also checked his phone, as he was still waiting for a call from Reeve with updates on the other reactors outside of Mt. Nibel.

Following their discovery at the old reactor—and the subsequent slaughter of all the experiments—Cloud had sent Yuffie and Vincent back to Nibelheim to give a vague report to the mayor, while he'd hiked off through the mountains to Rocket Town. While doing so, he'd called up Reeve and put out orders that all the mako reactor sites were to be investigated for activity—an order that was moved above all others to priority number one. He didn't really expect that they'd find anything, as he was assuming the activity in the Nibel reactor had more to do with Jenova than it did mako production. But, still, it seemed vital that any and all mako pumps be fully dismantled, just in case. As a preventative measure.

The only reactors he was honestly concerned about were the ones in Midgar and then the one in Banora. Both, he knew, had housed research pertaining to Jenova at one time or another. Which was why he'd sent Tseng, specifically, to Banora, and Reeve to Midgar (Cait Sith, rather, who'd originally intended to join him in going north, but, alas, plans changed). These were the calls he was anticipating most, knowing that both Tseng and Reeve would be prompt in updating him as soon as they knew something.

At this point, he hoped they called sooner rather than later. Not because he was itching for answers, but because he was now desperate for any sort of distraction. Even if it was of the foreboding type.

What he hadn't been expecting as Elena's hesitant, almost shy sidling up to his side of the aisle. He spared her only a quick look, deducing that she was watching him, her lips pursed like she had something to say but was holding it in. Or perhaps waiting for him to notice.

"Yes?" he eventually asked, once she'd actually made it to the far side of his station.

"Um, well, uh, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something… Sir," she managed to get out, refusing to meet his stare as she fidgeted in place.

Above their heads, Cid audibly sighed and grumbled, saying something along the lines of "here we go."

"What is it, Elena?" Cloud asked strictly, turning his full attention to her as he did.

"Well, it's—it's actually about a job." Cloud cocked a skeptical eyebrow, knowing that Elena did quite well working for Cid. "Not for me!" she explained quickly. "It's actually for somebody else. Um, she's been working in Icicle Inn for a while, doing tours and stuff, but was kind of looking for a job that could utilize her specific skills without her having to be in the, you know, frigid cold all the time."

"Another turk," Cloud established quickly.

"Yes!" Elena smiled. "Um, I didn't actually know her that well when we were both turks, but she says she knew you."

Cloud's eyes narrowed.

"And, actually, that's why I'm the one talking to you now, uh, Mr. President, Sir, because she seems to think that you don't like her very much, or didn't, before, but I thought that was kind of silly because you give everyone a fair shot. But she was still unsure, so I thought I'd talk to you about it myself. First. Just to see. Before… getting back to her."

"What's her name, Elena?" Cloud asked, tone ever strict.

"Um, you might know her by Cissnei?"

 _Cissnei_. The name was… familiar. Familiar in the same way a lot of feelings and memories that he had a hard time recalling could be. Muttering the name to himself, he found a sense of… annoyance rise up through him. Which probably wasn't a good sign.

"She said she'd met you while you were an infantryman," Elena explained, appearing somewhat uneasy now. "Which is so weird because I can't imagine you ever having been an infantryman. Like, that's just… crazy… or something."

"I was an infantryman for a… brief time." His time with Zack.

Right, Cissnei. She'd been one of Zack's friends? That sounded right. But why would he have found her annoying?

Maybe it didn't matter. His brain was so broken that it was better to just re-meet people, as opposed to trying to figure out his past. Specific parts of his past, anyway.

He had a general sense of his life, as it were. His time with Zack, for example, he _knew_ had happened. Like he'd told Tifa, it'd been a rollercoaster. They'd been young and rash and immature, but it'd been the best time of his life—even if he couldn't cite the exact experiences that would justify such an understanding.

He knew he'd loved Zack—it was a fact that he could feel in his bones. Something that was simply factual now that he'd pieced enough together to get a vague picture. Much as he knew Zack had loved him, and that they'd spent a lot of time with one another despite their relatively short relationship. He didn't exactly know how it'd been possible, with him being an infantryman and Zack a first class SOLDIER, but it was true nonetheless. He couldn't even remember how they'd met, or under what circumstances they'd said the words printed on each other's arms.

So much was still lost to him. He knew, for example, that he and Zack had broken a lot of rules. That they'd snuck around all the time, as Angeal had said, but he couldn't say exactly how or to what end. Sometimes, when he slept, he dreamt of a small, one-room apartment. No windows, terrible lighting, but comfortable. Familiar, maybe. Zack's apartment, he sometimes thought it must be. An apartment that must mean something to him. To both of them.

It was an intimate place, one he never talked to anyone about, really. It was where he thought they must have started their relationship. Where he'd have had his first kiss, though he couldn't place what had led up to it. But he knew it'd been with Zack—of that, he was certain. Just as his first time having sex had been with Zack, though, again, he couldn't recall a single detail about it.

The only things he could recall with any relative clarity were the bad times. Zack's death was one of them—something that haunted him consistently. But there were other things too. Like the fact that he'd hidden from Zack the fact that they were soulmates for a long while, which had inevitably come to a head. And he was fairly certain Zack had been severely injured at one point, but then, maybe he had been too? He could remember the sanitized mako-smell of medical, and he felt a certain sort of fear that was hard to place. Fear for Zack, but also fear for himself. Violating fear, sometimes, that had him surging up in bed. Though he couldn't pull out any real details, he was fairly certain he'd been assaulted. So maybe it was better that he couldn't remember much of it.

There was also a long period of loneliness, something that came back to him when he'd been on the road too long, thinking of Zack too much. It was removed from the loneliness he'd felt following the Nibelheim incident, because there was this sense of… raw hurt that went with it, but also this long-winded hopefulness. It only hit him occasionally, side-swiping him when he'd least expect it. As so many sensations from his past tended to do.

It was a bitter situation. He wanted desperately to remember his time with Zack, but had very little to jumpstart his memory. It'd been Tifa that had helped him recall parts of his childhood, after all, because she'd shared some of those memories with him. Listening to her had helped bring them to the surface of his own mind. But his time with Zack…

It felt like a big secret, one that he was keeping from himself. And the only person that could potentially help him to remember any of it was gone. One of the most precious periods of his life—a time he held as close to his heart as he did Tifa and Denzel—and yet all he had were pieces.

It was all he'd probably ever have…

"Sorry, what?" He'd been zoning out, hardly registering that Elena was still speaking to him.

"I, um, I was just saying that she has a really good resume and is super dependable and—"

Before she could finish, Cloud's phone was ringing. Glancing over, the caller ID told him it was Reeve.

He raised a silencing hand. "I'll consider it," he said simply, Elena going appropriately silent.

Turning away from her, he put his attention to his phone instead. There was business to attend to, after all. He didn't have the time to dwell on a past he couldn't ever hope to remember—no matter how much he sometimes wished he could close his eyes and wake up in that dinky little apartment again.

"Reeve," Cloud said simply, as he answered the call. "What have you found?"

" _Right to the point, as always,_ " Reeve replied, chuckling only shortly. But there was something off about his voice, like it was stilted, which wasn't the least bit reassuring. " _You're not going to like it._ "

Sitting back, Cloud sighed, thankful when Elena got the message and returned to her own station. "I thought there was a possibility of that being the case."

" _I don't know about Banora—Tseng hasn't said anything yet—but what was going on in Midgar…_ "

"Most of the reactors in Midgar are irreparable, though," Cloud pointed out. "You said so yourself." Meteor had pretty well decimated them.

" _That's true, at least as far as powering the city. But the mako pumps are deep underground. They were well protected, at least in three of the reactors._ "

"Just three?"

" _Yes. But those three…_ "

"It was like Nibel?"

Reeve hummed. " _Similar. Probably worse, actually. Based on what I could see, Hojo's 'experiments' have been slowly migrating from… wherever they were around the city—his labs, the drum, other places. Congregating in the reactors where pumps were still functional._ "

"As in someone had reengaged them?"

" _Well, it's hard to say. Maybe someone has been tampering with them, but, then again, I don't know whether it's beyond the capabilities of the experiments to do it themselves. Especially if Jenova is involved, manipulating them._ "

Leaning forward on the table, Cloud sighed and rubbed at his right temple. "Was there evidence of Jenova as well?"

" _Yes. Much as you described it in Nibel. The… creatures, they were attached to the pumps, sucking up mako, while the Jenova remnants—puss, ooze, whatever you want to call it—were slinking through the other way._ "

"What do you mean?"

" _I set up cameras. Discreetly, mind you, so as not to disturb the creatures. Monitored their activity for about a day. The black secretion isn't coming out of them, but seemingly using them as transport._ "

"And from there, going into the mako pump," Cloud deduced, Reeve's explanation validating his worst fears. "The Jenova remnants have been using the pumps as a direct conduit into the planet." Into the lifestream.

" _Mmm, so it would appear. Are you… worried?_ "

"About another attempt at a Reunion? I guess it'd be irresponsible not to be."

" _But inside the planet?_ "

The very idea was giving Cloud a headache. "There's so much of both Jenova and Sephiroth saturating the lifestream now—I guess it was only a matter of time."

" _But if all of this is true, why weren't there tremors in Midgar, like in Nibelheim?_ "

A question Cloud couldn't answer. "I don't know. Perhaps it has something to do with the mako levels? Shinra pretty much devastated the mako levels around Midgar, so maybe the planet doesn't have enough strength to fight back in that area." If the planet's reaction to an invading force was what was causing the tremors in the first place.

" _Well, what should we do?_ "

Cloud honestly had no idea. Jenova's (Sephiroth's?) previous attempt to cycle through the lifestream had resulted in geostigma, as anyone who'd come into contact with the lifestream—or anyone with Jenova cells already inside them—had had the potential to contract the disease. There was a cure now, and since the lifestream stayed pretty well where it was supposed to, the only continuing cases were generally SOLDIERS, who had recurring symptoms in need of occasional treatment. Hopefully, the lifestream could keep Jenova diluted enough to prevent a full Reunion, but that wasn't to say some other catastrophe was off the table.

"All we can do is wait and see what happens," Cloud eventually decided. "Maybe we'll learn more up north, or in Banora."

" _A possibility,_ " Reeve agreed.

"We need to destroy all the remaining experiments in Midgar," Cloud added.

" _I already started the process. I pulled Rude and Reno in on the job. They weren't thrilled about it, but got it done. The creatures are generally unresponsive, so it was easy enough to dispatch them all._ "

"All of Hojo's labs need to be searched again as well," Cloud continued. "We probably should have taken care of all his… abominations years ago."

" _Do you want me to put a plan together?_ "

Cloud tapped his fingers on the table. "Make a schedule. We can't have SOLDIERS getting involved with anything potentially involving Jenova, so it'll be me and… the Turks, I guess, dealing with it. We have all of Hojo's known labs archived, so we'll just go down the list."

" _Genesis will likely want to be involved as well._ "

"That's fine."

" _I'll see what I can do._ " Reeve paused and audibly huffed. " _Be careful in the crater, Cloud,_ " he eventually said. " _Last time anyone investigated up there, they were ambushed._ "

Cloud hummed. "I'll be careful, don't worry. It's not exactly a prime place to kick the bucket."

" _It is a bit drafty in there._ "

Cloud chuckled. "Keep me updated."

" _Of course._ "

He hung up a second later, staring thoughtfully as his phone before inevitably setting it aside. Groaning, he leaned in over the counter, hands coming up to cover his face.

"Bad news?" It was Cid who asked, his voice close enough now that he must have come down to stand at Cloud's shoulder. Probably left one of the other crew members at the helm.

"You could say that," Cloud muttered, giving himself a few more seconds to breathe before leaning back and turning his attention up to Cid. "I'll tell you about it once we land." He didn't want to get into the nitty-gritty where so many others could potentially overhear. The phone call, he figured, had been vague enough, but he didn't want to panic anyone with the reality of what all of this could mean.

"You sure it'll be safe, goin' into the crater?" Cid asked, looking all the grumpier as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know," Cloud admitted. "I just keep telling myself that it can't be any worse than anything we've dealt with before."

"Well, that's true."

Looking past Cid, Cloud put his attention back on Elena, who straightened upon noticing. "Can you get in contact with Cissnei?" he asked.

She was on her feet in a flash. "Of course!" she said as she skipped her way back over.

"Tell her to meet us at the inn, when we arrive." If he really was going to be traveling around to Hojo's labs, then he was going to need all the quality help he could get. Which meant turks were a dependable option, despite his general dislike for their previous operations.

"For an interview?" Elena asked.

"Sure." Cloud shrugged. Truth be told, he'd just ask Tseng about her whenever they talked next. That'd get him enough to know whether or not to hire her.

"You really know her?" Cid asked then. "This other turk woman?"

Cloud was visibly doubtful. "Maybe. Name sounds familiar. Who knows."

Cid chuckled. "Well, she can probably tell ya how she knows ya," he replied, pretty well-versed by that point in Cloud's lacking memory. "Hey, speakin' of old friends a'yours, I got a question for ya."

"Shoot."

"You said somethin' after comin' outta your mako coma 'bout a SOLDIER guy. Saved your life, but that you thought you was him or somethin.' I don't quite remember—I was sleepin' through some of it."

Cloud was not amused. "What about it?"

"His name, you said it was Zack, right?" Cid continued, his question causing Elena to look over at him in obvious surprise.

"Yeah…" Cloud didn't like where this was going. His day had already gone pretty well down the drain—he didn't need to end it by talking about Zack. He hated talking about Zack. It was too much. Too… painful. Especially of late.

"You said he's dead?" Cid asked.

"Yes."

"You sure?"

Cloud's nose curled. "Excuse me?"

"I just know your memory is pretty shoddy and I wanna be sure ya actually know, you know, what ya know."

It took Cloud a second to parse out what he was saying. "Am I sure Zack is dead? Is that what you're asking me?"

"Yeah."

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied, tone rather short.

"Right, but, like, how sure can ya really—"

"I'm sure, Cid," Cloud practically snapped. It was bad enough they were talking about Zack at all, but specifically the subject of his death? Not really something Cloud just brought up casually. "You've seen my mark," he added, unable to mask his defensiveness. "He's definitely dead."

Cid's eyes went a little wider, while Elena visibly cringed. "Oh…" Cid muttered. "Didn't realize this guy was your—Never mind then, can't be the same—Ah, forget I said anything." Clicking his tongue, Cid took a few steps back, before turning on his heel and heading back off toward the stairs that would take him up to the helm. While Elena skirted back some before slinking off to her station.

Closing his eyes, Cloud took a few deep breaths—to steady himself—before swiveling around to the counter and retrieving his tablet.

There wasn't time to consider the past—he had work to do.

_9 Years Ago_

It took Cloud some time to open his eyes, as he was fading in and out of wakefulness. But the moment he finally managed it, vision blearily cracked, he was awash with relief. The bed beneath him was stiff and uncomfortable, the lights above his head clearly of the florescent variety. He could see the uniform ceiling tiles, and hear the hum of the mako vents, which filtered in cool air. He was definitely in medical.

Which meant he was alive.

Someone else was with him as well, their warmth pressing up against his right side. A tanned arm was wrapped over his abdomen, the fresh, clean smell of the open outdoors ringing familiar.

Turning his head, he found himself face to face with Zack. The larger man was lying in bed beside him, as close as he could get. Their noses practically brushed as Cloud took in the sight of him, his whole chest swelling with emotion. He wasn't sure why, exactly, supposing he was still just… relieved.

He was alive, he was in medical, and Zack was with him.

Zack was _there_.

Licking his lips, it took him a moment to find his voice, as his mouth and throat were parched. Thankfully, he knew that—even asleep—it wouldn't take much to get his soulmate's attention.

"Zack," he finally managed to whisper out, sounding like the desert.

It wasn't even half a second later that Zack's eyes were fluttering open, those familiar mako-blues blinking only once before they went wide, Zack immediately sitting up.

"Cloud!" he said, the arm that'd been wrapped around Cloud's torso coming up, so he could lay his hand along Cloud's cheek. "You're awake! You're—You're okay."

Giving a weak nod, Cloud tried to clear his throat, but it didn't do much good. "Can I have some water?" he eventually managed to get out.

"Oh! Yeah! Of course!" Swinging around and off the side of the bed, Zack was on his feet and at the counter along the far side of the room, acting quickly before returning with a paper cup in hand.

Finding his arms, Cloud slowly pushed himself into sitting, just as Zack was placing himself on the edge of the bed. His free hand was on Cloud's back, helping him to sit up, before he handed off the water. Cloud took it gratefully, blinking a bit more sleep from his eyes before he brought it to his lips and downed it all in a couple gulps. Following, it was somehow easier to breathe, the cool liquid revitalizing his insides.

Zack took the cup back and set it aside, Cloud not unaware of the worried crease between his brows as he stared at him, nor the obvious distress in his gaze.

"I'm fine," Cloud said instinctively, before his thoughts caught up with his words. "Right?"

"Uh, yeah, I—I guess so," Zack replied, his hand coming up to rest lightly on Cloud's thigh. He didn't miss the way it trembled. "Do you feel okay?"

Aside from waking up and being thirsty, he felt… normal. "I think so…" he said quietly.

Gaze falling aside, Zack silently nodded.

While Cloud—as his thoughts were finally starting to reorder themselves—reached out and lightly touched his fingertips to Zack's arm, drawing the other man's attention back his way.

"I'm sorry," he said, the need to say as much having jumped to the forefront of his thoughts.

"Sorry?" Zack asked. "What for?"

"For… For before. For lying. I didn't—I didn't apologize when we were talking. I should have told you the truth a long time ago and I know that I—"

"Cloud…" Releasing a shaky sigh, Zack lightly messaged Cloud's thigh through the sheets. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you anymore. I don't think… I have it in me to be mad at you right now, even if I wanted to be."

Cloud flicked his attention back up to Zack's face. "I'm still sorry," he persisted.

Huffing lightly, Zack released a small smile. "I forgive you."

Words that were almost as relieving to Cloud as waking up, his whole body slumping in place.

"Are… Are you sure you're okay?" Zack said then, his voice audibly strained. Tight, like he was… holding back.

"I feel okay," Cloud replied, curiosity beginning to trickle in. "What happened?"

"Do you not remember?"

Frowning, he thought back. He wasn't unaware of what had gotten him in the hospital, but what _exactly_ had transpired was slow in coming back. He'd been in the showers, then Vic, Rich, and Allen had yanked him out. They'd talked back and forth some, before they'd, well, attacked him. Which he'd seen coming.

They'd wanted to kill him. They'd beat on him like they'd intended to do so.

But then they'd stopped, because…

His whole body went cold, like someone had dumped icy water over his head. He could see it clearly now, feel it too. The pain, the throbbing agony. The way they'd talked over him, how one of them—Allen—had crouched down in front of him. Hands on his knees, fingertips grazing lightly—nauseously—down his inner thighs. It flashed in his mind's eye so harshly, and with so much force, that his breath caught, growing shaky and short as he tightened his hold on Zack's arm.

"Hey, it's okay," Zack murmured, quickly wrapping his arms around him as he gathered him to his chest.

Yet, even as his was pressed securely into Zack's shirt, the memory slithered into his thoughts. On his back, weak, defenseless, Allen and Vic looming over him. Crouching between his legs, even as he begged them to stop.

But what was worse was that he couldn't remember anything past that. He didn't want to think about it, but he also wanted to know what had happened to him. He _needed_ to know. Had they—Had he been—He couldn't even admit it to himself.

"They didn't do anything _more_ to you," Zack said above him, his chin propped lightly atop his hair.

"Yes they did," Cloud whispered, his voice trembling out between his lips. "They were going to—Allen was—"

"A janitor interrupted before they could," Zack explained. "They had to leave, which is when I found you."

"When you—But how do you know that?"

"Security footage," Zack explained, keeping a steady hold on Cloud even as he pulled back to look down at him. "Turns out Shinra has cameras everywhere, even in the showers. I…" He visibly swallowed. "I saw exactly what they _did_ do to you, and they didn't get the chance to do _that_."

"You saw…" Cloud still didn't understand. "But how did you find me?"

Looking very pale and very sick, Zack licked his lips as his gaze fell away again. "My mark it… It started to… fade…" He was blinking rapidly now, the sight of Zack's distress somehow stabilizing Cloud's own. "So I came looking for you. I thought—I thought you were dead, when I found you. R—Really dead." He squinted his eyes closed. "I can't get it out of my head, what you—how they—you were—"

"Hey, I'm okay," Cloud found the strength to say, his own startled fear and panic dissipating as his concern for Zack flooded through. Reaching up, he laid his hands gently on Zack's cheeks. "I'm alive."

"It was _horrible_ ," Zack said brokenly. "And then watching what they did to you on the security footage, I just—"

"Zack, I'm okay," he repeated, pressing his hands back until he could wrap his arms around Zack's neck. Leaning up, he pulled the other man close, until his face was buried in Cloud's shoulder, his dark hair brushing Cloud's cheek.

While Zack, sniffling lightly, tightened his hold around Cloud, pulling him in as flush as he could.

"I was so scared," he said into Cloud's shoulder. "I've never been so scared in my life."

Cloud almost agreed, that the whole ordeal had been the scariest experience in his life too. But even as he thought as much, he knew it wasn't true. Sure, this had been the worst beating he'd ever lived through, and the threat of being… raped, well, that was still terrifyingly haunting, even if it hadn't actually happened. Yet, even so, Zack being stabbed by that monster was a whole other level of worse.

He could deal with the damage other people wanted to do to him, but watching Zack almost die…

Which was where Zack was, he realized. He'd been so close to death that Zack's mark had started to fade. That was… that was very, very near to really being gone. He couldn't remember that part of it—the worst of it, maybe. Whatever it was Zack had seen.

"I'm so sorry, Zack," he murmured, one of his hands coming up to stroke his soft hair.

"Why are you sorry?" Zack asked, his voice somewhat muffled by Cloud's shoulder. "It's not your fault."

"I know, but…" He held Zack a little tighter. "I know what it's like."

They remained quiet for a few moments more, holding one another, before Zack took a shuddering breath and leaned back. Reaching up, he wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand, before placing it on Cloud's waist. While Cloud's own hands fell to Zack's chest.

"You don't need to be sorry," Zack eventually started, his voice still rough. "I should have known, or been there, or been with you. This never should have happened. I should have protected you and—"

"Zack, stop," Cloud said gently, his expression soft with sympathy. "This isn't your fault. It's…"

"It's not your fault either, then," Zack cut in quickly, even though that wasn't exactly where Cloud's words had been headed. Still, he appreciated the sentiment. He had plenty of self-esteem issues, and he knew that the reason he didn't have any friends, or why people hated him so much, well, some of it was probably his own doing. But he knew pretty certainly that, even so, attempting to kill him wasn't justified. Nor was sexually assaulting him.

He'd been sexually assaulted…

From what Zack had said, they hadn't raped him, but still.

He could feel it, Allen's fingers trailing down his thighs, over his…

Shaking his head, he blinked the thought from his mind as best he could.

"I know that," he finally admitted.

"Really?" Zack asked, his expression very serious.

Cloud offered him another soft smile. "Yeah, really. Those guys, they're… assholes."

Zack's expression darkened. "They're a lot worse than that."

"But you came for me," Cloud decided to focus on instead. "You found me. And I'm… not hurt?"

One side of Zack's lips pulled up into a crooked smile, before he reached into his pocket and pulled out an orb of green materia. Green healing materia, in fact. "I've been carrying this around since you… left it with me. Guess it came in handy."

Managing a soft laugh, Cloud reached out and closed his hand around Zack's—around the materia, so it was held between them.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"I think I should be the one thanking you," Zack murmured, leaning down until his forehead was pressed gently against Cloud's own, their noses barely brushing. "You used it to save my life first, after all."

"Maybe we should just call it even," Cloud replied quietly. "And try not to let this sort of thing happen again."

"I think that's a good idea," Zack agreed, a chuckle echoing behind his words. "I'm kind of tired of being in medical all the time."

"Me too."

"Let's just…" Zack leaned a fraction closer, their breath mingling as their lips lightly brushed, "…stay out of trouble from here on out."

Breathing deeply, Cloud asked, "It's got to get better from here, right?" before he was closing the sliver of space between them. He pressed his lips softly into Zack's own, his heart skipping, lashes dropping, as Zack leaned into him in turn. His brows were slightly furrowed in concentration, his hands tightening on Cloud's waist.

Allowing his eyes to fall completely closed, Cloud gripped Zack's shirt in his fists, a motion that was initially full of longing desire, shy and hesitant as their kiss. But then…

Then the colors flashing across his eyelids were sharp, jarring even, and a light gasp escaped Cloud's lips. It broke the connection between them, Cloud's eyes fluttering open as his hold on Zack's shirt turned desperate.

Scared.

Their barren, unfeeling faces hovered above him, leaving him cold and shaken. He tried to push the image from his head, but it remained nonetheless. Like a shadow in wait every time he closed his eyes.

He didn't want to see them, didn't want to think about it. He'd been trying this whole time not to, but still…

"Hey, it's okay," Zack said softly. "I'm here."

"I don't want to think about it," Cloud said, almost angry as he huffed.

"You only just woke up," Zack reasoned. "It's going to be hard not to think about it. I'm still… thinking about it."

"But I don't want to," Cloud rebuked, his voice somewhat harsh, the fabric of Zack's shirt still twisted up in his fists. "I don't… I can't…"

"Cloud…?"

"I can't let them win…" He didn't want to see them whenever he closed his eyes; he didn't want to remember that they'd had him, trapped; that he'd been so vulnerable under their abusive hands. Hands that had beat him, and touched him, and tried to do things that—

"They didn't win, Cloud," Zack said firmly. "You're alive."

"But I can't get it out of my head!" No matter how hard he'd been trying. Trying to push it away, to diminish their actions. To brush it aside like it didn't matter. It was sticking, like he was five years old again and every nasty word tossed his way, or punch thrown in his direction, had hurt. Had meant something.

He didn't want this to mean anything!

"Cloud…" Zack slumped. "Of course you're thinking about it—what they did, and what they wanted to do, it's fucked up. Anyone would still be thinking about it. Like I said, you only just woke up."

"They're not _worth_ thinking about," Cloud rebuked, even as his voice shook.

"No, they're not, but your pain is. Pain they caused. You can't ignore that. Neither of us can pretend it didn't happen. That's not… That's not going to help anyone."

"I don't need help," Cloud snapped out instinctively, even as he kept his death grip on Zack's shirt. Even as his breath quivered in his chest, his insides beginning to swell with dense hurt that he tried desperately to push back down. "I don't want to… _be_ like this."

"I know," Zack whispered. "But it's okay. It's just me here. You don't have to hide whatever it is you're feeling. You can scream, or cry, or… whatever you need."

"It's stupid," Cloud murmured, lips trembling as he gritted his teeth, trying to contain himself. But it wasn't working, water already lining his eyes, dangerously close to overflowing. "Crying's just a waste of time."

Zack's hold on his waist tightened. "That's not true."

It was reassurance that failed to help Cloud's cause, his whole body shuddering as a few tears finally streaked down his cheeks.

"I'm tired of crying," he admitted brokenly.

"I know." Wrapping his arms around him, Zack pulled him in close again, until Cloud's nose was buried in his chest, his whole body slumping as he curled into him. As he gave in despite himself.

"Why?" he asked, deteriorating so fast now that he knew his voice was thick, that his tears were uncontrolled. "I know I—I'm a jerk sometimes, but I d—don't—I'm not—Why do they always come after me?

"Why does everybody _hate_ me?"

"Nobody hates you, Cloud," Zack started, holding him all the tighter as he did. "They just… People are angry, because you—you have everything they don't. You want more out of—of being here, out of life, than they even know how to think of. And you don't hide it, or give up, or care what anyone says. And people that don't have that, they—they're threatened. They think if they bring you down or teach you a lesson, that you'll end up on their level. That they'll be able to prove that… that everyone is just as shitty as they are.

"You're not ashamed, Cloud, of who you are or what you want. Or if you are, you don't let it stop you. You don't… give in because the world says that you should, or even because you tell yourself that you should. That's what people hate, because it… it makes them… It makes their own failures…

"Watching you try in spite of everything just makes it more obvious what they don't have. That they're not."

Sniffing, Cloud rubbed his face in Zack's shirt, a sob ripping up through his throat.

"You care so much about everything you do, Cloud. And that's something other people just… aren't always capable of."

It was a nice sentiment, really, and maybe if Cloud wasn't losing his control so rapidly, it'd have more gravity. Maybe once he had time to really think on it—to rationalize this whole situation—it'd penetrate. But as of then, it didn't matter why anybody did the things they did, even as he'd asked. Nothing anyone could say could undo what'd been done to him. There was nothing that could wipe away the horrible feeling of being violated, of someone deciding they could touch him when he said no, that they could try and rob him of his own life and his own physical value without his consent.

It hurt because he didn't want to let them, but hadn't been strong enough to stop it. And it hurt because he didn't think he'd done anything to deserve this, yet it'd happened anyway.

He just wanted a reason that would somehow make this okay, some excuse that would make it easier to swallow. But it wasn't okay and it did make him sick to his stomach and there was nothing to change that.

It was done, and that was it.

"They're the ones who were wrong," Zack said sternly, ever solid as he held Cloud in place in his arms. "You didn't do anything to deserve this. No matter what anyone thinks of you, or what makes you different from them, none of it matters. It doesn't… It doesn't make any sense, and it's—it's—I don't…

"I don't know if I'm saying the right things. If—If any of this matters. What they did wasn't okay and… and they'll pay for it."

Eyes screwed shut, Cloud somewhat heard him, but also sort of didn't. Like the words weren't really sinking in. He knew Zack was trying to help, and he was so grateful he was there, holding him, but…

But nothing could really make this better.

All he could do was stay curled up in Zack's warmth, waiting through tears as the pain throbbed. Throbbed all the way to his bones. His whole body was shaky, was twitchy and tense, like he was anticipating the other shoe to drop. For the worst to come.

It was Zack's presence that kept him in one place. That reminded him he was okay, even if he didn't know how to _feel_ okay.

It was hard to say how long he stayed like that, crying and ugly and snot-nosed. But Zack was with him the whole time—held him in silence, when there was nothing left to say. Until the throbbing pain was just an echo. Present, but subdued—buried away. It was in a shallow grave, one that Cloud could feel dwelling near the surface. Something that could come uncovered at any moment, as it was still so raw and real and present.

But being upset was exhausting, and it was easier when he could finally just sit there, staring out at the hospital room with his cheek pressed against Zack's chest. His heartbeat—pulsing steadily in Cloud's ear—lulled him into a sense of calm blankness, thoughts becoming white fuzz. Like snowflakes on a broken television.

It wasn't preferable, but it was better than quite a few alternatives.

And Zack… Zack was comforting. He was there. And that mattered so much to him.

He must have fallen asleep again at one point, because he was waking up to crusty eyes and a pounding headache some time later, his head resting on the pillow as Zack visibly noticed and made his way over from the other side of the room.

"The doctor was just here," he said as Cloud pushed himself up, squinting back against the glaring lights above his head. They were sharp, and irritating, and he kind of wished it was dark. "She said that you can check out any time, that you're, well, physically fine."

"As opposed to everything else," Cloud muttered.

"Uh…" Zack breezed past his comment. "Well, I thought you should come up to my apartment."

"Because I clearly can't take care of myself?"

"That's… not what I meant…"

Turning away, Cloud huffed and stared off across the room. "I can't stay at your apartment—I have to go to work. And it's not allowed."

"Well, you have the rest of the week off now—doctor's orders."

"Great. That's exactly what I need—more days off of work on my record."

"It's… not a big deal…"

Cloud whipped his glare back around on him. "I'm never going to make SOLDIER at this rate. I've missed more days than anyone I know of. And my training schedule is all messed up." He growled. "Not that you'd get it. You were practically drafted into SOLDIER."

"Cloud, c'mon…"

"Whatever, I don't care." He said. They both knew he was lying, but Cloud said it anyway. "Do whatever you want." Flopping back down on the bed, he turned away, onto his side, and curled up some under the covers. He could still feel Zack's presence behind him, and hear him when he eventually sighed.

"I'm gonna go get some lunch. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Okay…"

He heard him slip out the door a few seconds later, Cloud failing to push back on the guilt that soon trickled in. Zack was only trying to help, and it wasn't like Cloud _wanted_ to return to his barrack, or work for that matter. It would have been nice if he'd asked though, instead of just making decisions for him.

Then again, he had said it was the doctor's orders. And it wasn't like he could force Cloud to go up to his apartment, even if heading upstairs did sound a lot better than being stuck in a room with dozens of other people…

He shouldn't have been so nasty.

Flopping onto his back, he rubbed some at his eyes as he stared up at the ceiling.

He felt… stupid. And coddled. He knew what he'd been through had been a considerable ordeal, but there weren't any physical ailments left to warrant him being in medical, or getting any sort of attention.

He very suddenly wanted to leave. But where would he go?

Not his barrack, that wasn't safe.

 _Not safe?_ So he was scared now? Why? It wasn't any different than before.

No, that wasn't true. He knew for sure now, how far his assaulters were willing to go. How much of a danger they actually were to him. He didn't know where they were, or what was being done about them, which meant that anywhere he went without Zack was dangerous. They'd come for him in a public area—planned it out completely. They'd trapped him, so what was to stop them from doing it again?

They probably knew where he was at that very moment…

Peering down his nose at the door, Cloud frowned and ignored how his heart jumped in his chest in favor of trying to be reasonable.

There was no way they could get in his hospital room. They'd have to check in through the main door _and_ the double doors waiting beyond.

On the other hand, did anyone even know who his attackers were? Or what they looked like? Not the nurses. And since they probably knew where he was, all they had to do was mention they were visiting him and they'd be let right in. Someone could literally walk them to his door.

Without Zack, he was on his own.

Sitting up, Cloud tried to shake his head of such thoughts. He didn't want to be afraid of them, and they'd have to be pretty gutsy to try getting at him in medical. Then again, they were obviously fearless given what had recently occurred, so maybe that wouldn't be enough to deter them.

Maybe he should lock the door?

No. That was irrational. He was fine. Nothing was going to happen.

 _Nothing would happen, nothing would happen, nothing would happen_.

Gaze flicking up to the clock on the wall, Cloud wondered how long Zack had been gone for. Not too long, but he might be on his way back by now. Unless he was miffed about how Cloud had talked to him, which might make him a bit slower. If he didn't want to see Cloud, that was.

He'd be back soon. Probably. Definitely.

Maybe.

Yet, Cloud's nerves continued to tighten, his insides jumping into his throat every time he heard footsteps walk by his door, or someone laugh too loudly out in the hall. He was wringing the sheets between his hands, doing his best to talk himself down from this paranoia, but generally failing. It didn't matter how calm or sensible he forced his brain to be, his body reacted in opposition. Until it felt like bugs were crawling up under his skin, leaving him jittery and tense.

After another fifteen minutes had passed, Cloud felt his power over his thoughts slipping. And while he knew it was happening, there wasn't much he could do to stop it.

Where was Zack? What was taking him so long?

Was he actually mad at Cloud for his attitude? He didn't want to believe that, but maybe it was possible. He had put Zack through a lot of late, but after their conversation in the conference room, he'd thought…

Gulping, he flicked his attention between the clock and the door a few times, before searching the room instead. His gaze immediately landed on the PHS sitting atop the counter against the wall.

His own PHS, as well as his Shinra-issued backpack. Zack must have gotten them.

Shakily pushing himself out of bed, Cloud toed his way over, ignoring as best he could how his hands trembled when he reached for his phone. He almost dropped it, which inspired a wave of embarrassment so heavy that it almost nullified his nerves. The feeling was short-lived, however, Cloud returning to the bed and pulling the covers up over his lower body as his jitters re-buzzed all over his skin.

Tapping at his phone, he wavered between his messages and his contacts.

He didn't… He didn't need to _call_ Zack. Or even text him, really. This whole thing was stupid—he _felt_ stupid. Zack would be back soon. Was probably making his way down the hall to his room that very moment.

He could wait.

It was fine. Everything was okay.

Watching the door for another three or four minutes, his breathing soon grew tense.

"Where is he?" he muttered to himself, before again turning his attention to his phone. Cringing, he gave in despite knowing better, opening up his last text conversation with him. Which really was a slap in the face, because the last time they'd chatted, it'd been Zack's anger over Cloud lying.

But even so, he'd said during their last serious conversation that Cloud could text him whenever he wanted. That he didn't need to be anxious or afraid to do so. Despite his nerves, he could act with this in mind. Wanted to.

Needed to, maybe.

**Cloud:** Uh, hey.

 **Cloud:** Where are you?

Fingers tapping against the sides of his PHS, he pulled his legs up toward his chest, cradling his phone in the space between. Part of him wanted to set his phone aside, to wait like a normal person for Zack to respond. But the dryness in his throat kept him from doing so, kept him staring down at that little screen until those ellipses finally appeared.

It was a small relief, seeing them. One that didn't last in lieu of his unease.

**Zack:** cafateria

 **Zack:** getting food

 **Zack:** you want something?

 **Zack:** i was gonna get you somethig anyway

He was still in the cafeteria? That was on an entirely different floor!

No, it was fine. Ignoring his question, Cloud moved on.

**Cloud:** It's taking you a long time…

**Zack:** yea

 **Zack:** theres alot of people here

 **Zack:** cuz its thelunch rush or something

 **Zack:** ive been in line for like 20 mins

**Cloud:** Are you almost through?

**Zack:** in like ten mins maybe?

 **Zack:** one of the card readers is broke

 **Zack:** i think

 **Zack:** maybe longer than 10 mins

Lips pursing, Cloud found himself floundering for what to say. He wanted to tell Zack to just forget the food and come back, but that was irrational. He _knew_ it was irrational. Nothing was going to happen in the next ten to fifteen minutes it took Zack to return. Or twenty minutes. Or longer, if something in the cafeteria really was broken.

**Zack:** is something wrong?

 **Zack:** you need me to come back now?

_Yes!_

**Cloud:** No, it was just taking you a while, that's all.

**Zack:** Aw you miss me?

Despite himself, Cloud managed a scoff.

**Cloud:** No.

He sent the message before he'd thought of something teasing to say in response, which left him faltering for what to type next. His brain was coming up blank, nerves twisting anew as he stared at the single sharp, unpleasant retort.

**Zack:** wow harsh lol

Cloud bit his lower lip and gripped his phone a little too tightly.

Maybe he should just tell the truth. But what was that, even? That he was sitting curled up in bed, shaking and upset because he was, what, alone? And scared?

It was so embarrassing, but he was nearly to the point where he wasn't sure he cared anymore. Zack would understand, right?

**Cloud:** Sorry.

He wavered for just a second.

**Cloud:** I think I'm freaking out a little, is all.

 **Cloud:** It's fine.

 **Cloud:** I just wanted to know how long until you came back.

**Zack:** omw right now

A reply that was both relieving and downright painful to read. Cloud made efforts to negate Zack's rushing, attempting to type out multiple versions of "you don't have to," but ended up deleting them all.

Slumping, he finally managed a single "okay," before he was lowering his forehead to his knees and cursing his own weakness. How was he ever supposed to make SOLDIER—or even be a decent infantryman—if he was afraid of shadows? It was so shameful, and pathetic, and he hated every moment of it, even as his stomach twisted and his anxiety begged Zack to move quickly.

The minutes ticked slowly by, but, even so, Zack was arriving sooner than Cloud expected. Sans any food, he pushed his way swiftly through the door, Cloud both reassured and flushing with shame as he moved up to the side of the bed.

"Are you okay?" he asked immediately, concerned as he reached out and laid a gentle hand on Cloud's shoulder.

Slumping, Cloud lowered his knees and dropped his hands into his lap, phone as well, before he turned his gaze Zack's way.

He felt tired. So, so tired, despite clearly getting plenty of sleep.

"Sorry," he choked out, voice like sandpaper.

"You don't need to apologize," Zack reasoned, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I just want to know what's going on." A question that had Cloud's lips pursing stubbornly, leading to an exasperated sigh from Zack. "We talked about this, remember?" he said, his tone soft, yet firm. "Please don't hide from me. Just tell me what's bothering you."

Easier said than done, Cloud's chest tightening at the mere idea.

"I know it's hard," Zack murmured, his hand sliding down Cloud's arm until he was wrapping it around Cloud's own. "But I'm here, no matter what you're thinking or feeling. Please."

"I'm just being an idiot, that's all," Cloud found himself deflecting.

"So what?" Zack shrugged and offered him a smile. "Tell me anyway."

Cloud didn't want to—he really, really didn't want to. But he also knew that it wasn't fair to text Zack the way he had and not offer an explanation. Besides, he was supposed to be making an effort here, to be more honest and open. They'd literally had the conversation about such things the day before. He couldn't start backing out already, even with everything that had happened.

"I was just…" He put his gaze on the sheets, as if that would somehow hide the red embarrassment flaring in his face. "I was just having an anxiety attack or something, I guess, because I was alone and scared. Scared of… of them. Which I don't want to be, but I kept thinking that if you're not here, they could show up and, I don't know—It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Zack said. "You have every reason to be freaked out."

"But I don't want to be!" He was so frustrated. "I don't want to depend on you like that, or anyone. I hate being so…"

"You're not weak," Zack cut in swiftly. "And you need to give yourself a break." Moving his hand again, he brushed it through Cloud's hair. "Remember when I was in medical, and I had that anxiety attack where I puked all over you?"

Cloud hummed. "Yeah."

"I was terrified back then. Of you leaving, of what was happening. None of it made sense, but that didn't matter. And you were there for me. You… You took care of me. I mean, I know we spun it like you were always visiting because I was bored or whatever, but we both know that's not the whole truth. When stuff like this happens, we… we all need support.

"Let me be there for you now. There's nothing wrong or weak about me taking care of you too. Or protecting you. Not like you wouldn't do the same for me."

"You don't need to be protected."

Zack offered him a very small, very soft smile. "Everybody needs to be protected sometimes, Cloud. I'm a SOLDIER, sure, but I'm still just a person. And, frankly, that's, like, SOLDIER lesson 101. That's why we bring infantry when we go on missions. We can't do everything ourselves and need other people to watch our backs. We all look out for each other. You can't take on the world alone. I know that you've spent a long time going through life that way, but you have me now." He gently cradled Cloud's cheek. "Let me be there for you."

"I feel like you've already done so much for me…"

"So what? You can't tally that kind of stuff—that's not how friendships work. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. Maybe right now you need me to be protecting you, but someday it'll probably be the other way around."

Cloud finally managed a slight smile of his own. "I want to be able to protect you someday."

Zack scooted a little closer. "You will. I know you will." His hand trailed across Cloud's shoulder again. "You're a lot stronger than you think you are. And I'll need that strength someday, no doubt. I know you'll be there for me. I'm sure of it."

Leaning in, Cloud laid his head on Zack's collar, releasing a shaky breath as he did. "I just let it all get away from me," he finally admitted. "I kept thinking they could just… walk in here, and that without you, I'd be…" He didn't even want to think about it.

"There's no way they're getting in here," Zack assured, leaning his head over onto Cloud's as he reached around him, holding him closer. "Once the details of why you were here were explained, your room was put on lockdown. General Sephiroth and I are the only ones allowed in, except the doctors and nurses, of course."

Leaning back, Cloud peered up at him. "General Sephiroth?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. So…" Zack's laugh was audibly uncomfortable, "I might have made a bit of a scene, when I was looking for you. Like, there might have been some yelling, and I might have, er, roughed up those three assholes until they told me where you were. And I probably would have gone back and killed them if someone hadn't alerted Sephiroth to the whole thing. Since Angeal is in Banora, he's the one that came down to deal with everything. Well, to deal with me."

"You?"

"I… maybe was a bit out of control, for a little while. Some walls may have to be repaired. And the elevator too? Uh, anyway, Sephiroth is the one that got me access to the security footage, so we could figure out what happened to you."

Cloud gaped. "General Sephiroth, he saw—he knows—he watched it too?"

"Er, yeah…" Zack cringed. "I'm sorry, Cloud. But it was just the two of us, and Sephiroth was real pissed about the whole thing."

Still, it was horrible to hear. Groaning, Cloud covered his face with his hands, devastated all over again. General Hewley was already intimately familiar with all the issues he'd been having, but now General Sephiroth too? Sephiroth, the war hero? _His_ hero? Had seen…

"Sephiroth's a good guy, Cloud," Zack reasoned gently. "And what was done to you, it's not normal or standard conduct. After seeing that footage, he'll make sure they're punished. He went to deal with them himself, when he left."

Maybe so, but that didn't make it any less humiliating. Nobody wanted to be watched during such a vulnerable, traumatic experience. It'd been bad enough that Zack had seen it—adding Sephiroth only made it that much worse. This wasn't what he'd been asking for, when he'd dreamt of somehow getting the attention of Sephiroth and SOLDIER as a whole. In fact, this was kind of the opposite. Yet again, he was on one of the generals' radars for all the wrong reasons.

Zack was opening his mouth to speak again, but even as he did, there was a knock at the door. Glancing up, they both watched as it swung open.

Perhaps he'd sensed they were talking about him, or maybe he'd simply shown up to make Cloud's mortification all the worse. Stepping easily inside, Sephiroth's tall, broad form unfolded before them. He stood in all his black leathers and shining pauldrons, silver hair cascading back behind his shoulders.

The sight of him had Cloud's eyes going wide, lips parting in a gape as any and all color drained from his cheeks. While Zack casually got to his feet and offered the general a customary salute.

"That's not necessary," Sephiroth said strictly, waving Zack down at the same time.

Frozen in the crossroads between shock and awe, Cloud twisted the sheets in his hands as Sephiroth stepped closer, until he was standing at the foot of the bed. Yet, even as those slitted, mako eyes moved from Zack to settle directly on Cloud, all he could come up with were blanks. For every thought process possible.

He barely breathed.

"You're looking well, considering," Sephiroth said steadily, his expression neither cold nor welcoming. Nor was his voice, which was deep—like the low creaking of old, wooden floors. He was completely stoic, if not relaxed, and didn't seem the least bit bothered by Cloud's stunned staring. "I'm relieved—I was worried, after witnessing the surveillance footage."

Worried? He'd actually been…

Sephiroth had bothered to worry about him?

"Did you get the guys who did it?" Zack cut in, Cloud startling at the sound of his voice beside him.

Sephiroth smoothly moved his attention back to Zack. "They will no longer be a problem."

A claim that finally got Cloud's thoughts going again, confusion tripping across his face.

"They were pulled from detail to accompany me on an emergency mission during the night," he continued steadily. "Unfortunately, we encountered a conflict just south of the city that was rather difficult to contend with. While I made it back unscathed, their own lives were… forfeit."

Eyes bugging wide, Cloud gaped again, finding himself wholly speechless as he stared up at the general.

Forfeit? As in, they were dead?

It was hard to believe, if only because it'd happened so quickly. No red tape to wade through, no documents to file, no official reports or hearings or discharges. Sephiroth had… He'd done the equivalent of taking them out back to be shot. Like feral dogs.

It took some moments for Cloud to digest, as he was suddenly being bombarded by so many thoughts that he was having a hard time keeping up. Obviously, there hadn't been a "conflict." It was a cover up. Either Sephiroth had taken them somewhere dangerous to die in battle or he'd… executed them himself. If Sephiroth kept his business as clean as his countenance, then Cloud was betting on the latter.

On one hand, it displayed just how powerful Sephiroth was—how terrifying he was, even. But on the other…

On the other, it was… validating.

Cloud… wasn't upset they were dead. He wasn't sure as far as the law if they'd deserved death for the things they'd done to him. For the things they'd done to other people too. But he also didn't really care. They'd tried to kill him and nearly succeeded. Would have, had Zack not shown up in time. On top of trying to rape him, which they also would have followed through with had someone not interrupted. Maybe it wasn't tit for tat, that their punishment was death, but, then again, who was to say that the things they'd done weren't as damaging?

They'd assaulted and potentially raped other people, based on what little Cloud could recall of what they'd talked about. Like it was normal for them to do so. Or Vic and Allen, anyway. As far as Rich, well, he'd let it happen and had enjoyed the idea of killing Cloud the most, so he wasn't any better.

All that aside, Sephiroth was known for being merciless. Sure, his actions during the war had been painted as heroic and necessary by the media, but anyone who'd taken the time to actually read about him (that being Cloud, of course) knew he acted in whatever manner got the job done most efficiently. He didn't waste time, didn't hesitate. Calculated and cold, that was how he was oftentimes described.

If General Hewley had been the one to deal with the situation, maybe the whole thing would have gone through the correct channels, but with Sephiroth at the helm, well…

"Good," Zack agreed darkly. "I would have liked to do it myself, but…"

"While I appreciate your vigor and loyalty to your friend, you would do well to keep those sorts of sentiments to yourself," Sephiroth scolded, sounding no more or less harsh than he had before. "They were killed in action."

Or that was the story they were to tell if anyone ever asked.

Sephiroth's eyes fell back to Cloud. "All of that aside, their behavior is not of the sort that I would ever allow to slide through the ranks. That kind of villainy is but a rotting limb in need of being cut away."

Literally.

"As it is, you won't have to concern yourself with their harassments any longer."

The finality of his tone was oddly comforting. While the cloud-cover was still present, it was like some of the fog had cleared. They were gone, which meant they couldn't beat on him, or follow him, or bully him, or assault him ever again. There was no longer any reason to worry about them cornering him in bathrooms or stairwells, or having to avoid them during class.

One of his biggest problems and it was gone, just like that.

"I am sorry, Cloud," Sephiroth continued then, the sound of his name on the general's lips almost making him jump. "I imagine you've been quite traumatized by the whole ordeal. If there's anything I can do to assist you in any way, please don't hesitate to ask. There are risks we all take in joining the Shinra military, but threats from our peers is not one of them."

Gaping yet again, Cloud fumbled for a few seconds, before finally managing to find words. "I, uh, th—thank you, Sir. I—I don't…um…" He had to look away, because he could feel the heat flaring all over his face. Reaching up, he pulled at one of the spikes hanging down along his cheek, biting his lower lip nervously.

He thought he might literally die when something like a humming chuckle reverberated around the room. It was coming from Sephiroth, had to be, and Cloud hesitantly dared to look back up at him from beneath his lashes.

The blush on his cheeks was so acute it was stinging.

"Take all the time you need to recover," Sephiroth finally finished. Was he… smiling? Just a little? Cloud wasn't sure he was confident enough to say one way or the other. "I leave you in Zack's capable hands."

"R—Right, Zack," he muttered lamely.

Eyeing him just a few seconds longer, Sephiroth soon turned away, saying nothing else as he returned through the door. It wasn't until it'd clicked behind him that Cloud released a heavy breath, his whole body slipping down into the sheets like jello.

He was completely unaware of the shy smile that had crept onto his face.

"Really?"

The sound of Zack's flat voice had him jumping, his hand going to his chest as he whipped around on him. "Don't scare me like that!" he hissed a second later.

"Scare you?" Zack crossed his arms over his chest. "I've been here the whole time, in case you forgot."

One side of Cloud's nose curled up. "What? I know that."

"Oh, was I _not_ supposed to have noticed, then, that you were batting your eyelashes at Sephiroth?"

Cloud's eyes were wide as saucers once again. "I was not!"

"Yes you were! I don't think I've ever seen you turn so red," Zack replied back hotly. "Or smile… like that." He gestured to him vaguely, clearly frustrated.

Snorting, Cloud rolled his eyes. "That's just because you don't see me all the time."

"What does that mean?!"

"It means I've smiled thinking about you too, calm down."

"That doesn't make it better!"

"What do you want me to say?!"

"That you wouldn't leave me for Sephiroth!"

Gaping, Cloud wasn't sure whether to laugh or be offended. So, instead, he watched as Zack's fierce defensiveness transformed into mopey puppy-dog eyes, his whole posture drooping as he stared at him like he's just kicked a kitten or something. Which, of course, had Cloud feeling bad about the whole thing. In an exasperated sort of way.

"Why are you so sulky? Not like I stand a chance with Sephiroth anyway. He'll probably never think about me ever again after this." He was just a blip in Sephiroth's world—unimportant and irrelevant in the grand scheme.

"So you _would_ leave me for him?" Zack determined, deteriorating further.

"No!" Reaching out, Cloud grabbed him by the hand, all while doing his best not to laugh. "Even if the universe aligned to the point where Sephiroth was suddenly thinking about me all the time, I wouldn't leave you, okay?"

"You mean it?"

Cloud feigned thoughtfulness. "Well, then again…"

"Cloud!" Zack cried.

"I'm kidding!" He finally allowed himself to laugh, a little relieved that he could do it at all. Before he tugged Zack closer, forcing him to collapse down onto the edge of the bed, ever pouty. "I won't leave you—you know that."

"No I don't…"

"I wouldn't leave you for anybody," Cloud said firmly, squeezing Zack's hand as he did.

"Not even Sephiroth?"

"Not even him."

Finally, Zack's pout transformed into a small, self-satisfied grin, one that struck Cloud as being very childish.

"You're silly," he muttered, pulling away at the same time.

Leaning in closer, Zack smiled fully. "I'm what?"

"I said you're annoying!"

"Oh Cloud, a girl could swoon at such praise," he said, placing the back of his hand on his forehead before leaning back into the pillows. Which left him lying in bed beside Cloud as he pulled his legs up and resituated himself more comfortably. Cloud watched him, somewhat amused at his activities, before eventually deferring his attention to his phone—when Zack's gaze grew too heavy.

"Hey," Zack said after about another minute, waiting just long enough to spur Cloud into looking his way again. He was still smiling, saying nothing more, which ultimately had Cloud sighing.

"What?"

Smiling even wider, Zack brought a single finger up and tapped his own cheek, appearing expectant. It took Cloud a moment to comprehend what he was asking for, that he wanted Cloud to, what, give him a kiss?

Despite the fact that they'd already kissed earlier that day, and that Zack had confessed to him days prior, and that they'd had _sex_ , and that they were _soulmates_ , Cloud blushed. Curling his lip, he looked away.

"No."

"Aw, lame."

Cloud ignored him, the two of them once again falling silent for, maybe, thirty seconds, before Zack was flopping his hand over and tapping his finger against Cloud's thigh.

"Hey," he said again.

"What?" Cloud didn't bother looking at him this time, pretending to be focused on his phone.

"You okay?" His question was quite serious, Cloud eventually glancing over to see that his smile had been replaced with honest concern.

"Oh, um…" Cloud shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. Just… thinking."

Maybe he should have expected Zack's next question. "What about?"

Humming, Cloud considered some before answering. "I'm glad they're gone," he admitted, voice quieter than before. "I don't know if that's a good thing to say or not, but…"

"I'm glad they're gone too," Zack agreed and sat up. "Though I _do_ still kinda wish I'd been the one to get rid of 'em." His expression had darkened, becoming wholly serious.

"I'm glad you didn't," Cloud found himself saying, which had Zack looking questioningly at him. "It's better this way. Less complicated, having someone else deal with it. Like we're less involved or something." It felt official, that Sephiroth had taken care of the situation. If it'd been Zack, it would have been messy and vengeful and passion-driven. He might have even gotten into trouble. Big trouble.

Cloud didn't want this to haunt him for longer than it already would. The more he and Zack could be removed from it, the better. The less there was to think about—the fewer variables there were to consider—the easier it'd be to move on. Or so Cloud was hoping.

Humming, Zack reached out and laid his hand over Cloud's own—a comforting gesture, one that Cloud found he appreciated a great deal more than he'd have otherwise expected.

"So." Taking a deep breath, Zack moved on. "Since those guys aren't going to be bothering you anymore, you wanna go back to your barrack, or you wanna, you know, come upstairs with me? I know you're not allowed to stay with me, technically, but I don't really care."

"I thought you weren't the rule-breaking type?"

"You're really rubbing off on me, what can I say." He grinned, but then quickly cleared his throat. "Seriously though, whatever you wanna do. Whatever you're most comfortable with."

"When you say… go upstairs with you," Cloud said slowly. "You mean, like, just for a little while, or…"

"It can be just a little while, if that's what you want." He was staring down at the sheets, his finger running along a few of the fabric creases. "Or you could… stay…"

"Stay…"

"Yeah, you know, until you have to go back to work, or whatever."

"Stay with you," Cloud solidified.

Zack peered up again, their eyes meeting. "Only if you want to."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Cloud turned to the side. "I want to," he said quietly. "I know I was grouchy before, when you mentioned it, but… I wanna go with you."

Though he didn't bother looking at him, he could see the broad smile on Zack's face out of the corners of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of interesting (and frustrating) things in the present, hu hu. Poor Cloud tho, everyone keeps bringing Zack to his mind. No wonder he's on his last nerve.
> 
> The past. Okay, look, there's a lot of problems with this chapter structure and pacing wise, okay? I know, so don't @ me. We're just gonna move on to the next one. Can't win 'em all, lol. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--where I talk lots of shit about my own story and also post previews and stuff.


	24. Chapter 24

_Present Day_

Calling out in surprise, Zack surged into sitting as heavy fabric walloped him in the face. He'd been so preoccupied trying to ignore the sounds of the engines that he hadn't heard anyone else approaching (which spoke volumes to how badly the noise was affecting him). Pulling the fabric aside, he glanced up to see Cid leaning against a nearby crate, staring at him.

"Gonna be landin' in about half an hour," he said simply. Which was about the best news he could have delivered, Zack knowing he was visibly relieved. He wasn't totally sure how long it'd taken them to get from Rocket Town to this Icicle Inn place, but it was definitely longer than a day. During which time Zack had gotten very little sleep.

"Great!" he replied, scrambling to his feet as he did, before finally glancing down at the clothing Cid had tossed his way.

"You really gonna be hiking through the north, then you'll wanna wear that," Cid explained. "Under your clothes, that is. You never gonna make it in just jeans."

It was long underwear—soft, insulated pants and a matching shirt. Clearly used, but they smelled clean. About his size too, by the looks of them.

"Uh, thanks," Zack replied, surprised.

"This too," Cid continued, before pulling out not one, but two glowing orbs of materia—one green, one blue. With a casual toss, they were headed Zack's way.

"These are mastered," Zack said as he caught them, one in each hand. He could gauge their development based on their glow. "Ice materia _and_ an elemental materia?" The second of which was a rare find. He knew the theory behind elemental materia, but he'd never used one before.

Cid nodded. "Figured you'd want them equipped in your bracer when you headed out."

Because they would protect him from the bitter cold, at least for as long as his energy held out. Which was a considerable time given Zack's magic training and all the grinding he'd been forced to do while he and Cloud had been on the run.

"Where did you get something like this?" Zack asked, specifically holding up the elemental materia.

"I've been around," Cid said vaguely, before moving on with the conversation. "You sure you wanna do this?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm sure." If Cid only knew what he'd already been through, he'd probably be less concerned. Though Zack supposed it was comforting, knowing that someone cared even a little bit about him. Cared enough to gift him expensive, rare materia, even.

"Alright. Guess I can't very well stop ya," Cid reasoned. "We'll be disembarking soon, so meet out in the hall, by the door, in about twenty minutes. Don't need ya in the way when we're unloading."

"Sure thing," Zack agreed, nodding once as he did.

He was going to thank him, but Cid was turning away shortly after, disappearing behind the crates. Zack waited just long enough to be sure he was really gone, before he started to strip down. It was as he was pulling on the new shirt that he paused, eyes drawn to his arm. He'd cleaned and bandaged the wound twice during his time on the ship, thankful that it still appeared mostly dry. But it wasn't the potential for black puss that was drawing his attention. Rather, his eyes fell lower, to his forearm.

To his soulmarks.

He'd been stumped as far back as waking up in Gongaga as to the additional mark that had appeared beneath Cloud's original words. But he hadn't been too worried, deciding to focus on finding Cloud before addressing it. It was just a soulmark, after all.

But now it was getting weird. Like, even weirder than before. He wasn't sure how or why it'd happened, but the new soulmark had changed. It'd occurred sometime during his attack in the bathroom, when he'd ended up on the floor.

" _How is this possible?_ "

Those were his new words. He wondered if maybe whatever sickness was attacking his arm was related—like he had some kind of strange, soulmark infection. He'd never heard of such a thing, but supposed anything was possible.

Frowning, he stared down at the mark a few seconds longer, before huffing and pulling on the long underwear. Redressing, he was soon arming his sword to his back and slinging his bag over his shoulder. He'd equipped the ice and elemental materias to his bracer, finding himself rather relieved to have them.

With his heavy jacket buttoned up to his throat, he was more than ready to go. But no matter how he longed to get off the airship, he couldn't make it move any faster. Instead, he was left to lean up against the crates until enough time had passed to warrant him heading for the hall. Thankfully, the sound of the engines drastically shifting their power, the whole ship rocking, was hint enough that they had to be landing.

Pushing himself forward, Zack did his best to swallow back on his tense anxiety—a result of being on the airship so long—and headed through the maze of crates. He was soon at the opening on the other side of the room, which funneled him into the hallway.

He was a little startled to note he wasn't alone, once he'd ducked inside.

The room was dimly lit—as it had been since he'd boarded—and a group of some half a dozen people were standing at the door. Elena was among them, murmuring to a few of the other crew members standing nearby. They were all dressed in heavy coats and pants with gloves, hats, and sometimes hoods. Ready for the waiting weather, apparently.

Faltering, Zack stayed back. He almost returned to the cargo bay, wanting to draw as little attention to himself as possible. But at least two of the crew members had noticed him, which would make any sort of retreat unnecessarily suspicious. They hadn't said anything about him being there, so best to just remain where he was.

Staying as best he could to the shadows, he kept his eyes down in the hopes this would deter the glow from his eyes.

Still, it didn't stop him from noticing the very vague glimmer of blue-green bouncing off the phone screen of the man nearest the door.

The trademark SOLDIER glow.

As he was standing at the front, Zack could only make out his back and part of his side. Still, with the lights so dimmed, the glow from his eyes was obvious. It rebounded off the phone he held in his hands, mixing some with the white glare of whatever he was looking at. He was small for a SOLDIER—much smaller than any of the SOLDIERS Zack remembered. And he wielded a plethora of blades on his back, all of them mashed into some kind of complicated harness. Otherwise, he wore black. Black pants, black, knee-high boots, and a matching black coat. It had a hood, which was pulled up over his head and framed with thick, gray fur.

He couldn't see his face.

Why was another SOLDIER on board, he wondered. Then again, SOLDIERS worked for SDS, and the president of SDS was supposedly there as well. Maybe he was a bodyguard or something?

"Um, Mr. President, Sir?" It was Elena that spoke, her voice somewhat uneasy as she leaned closer to the other SOLDIER.

" _President_?" Zack mouthed curiously.

"Did you… Did you ever get a call from Tseng?" she asked, her body language nervous as she shuffled.

 _Tseng_! Keeping himself calm, Zack pursed his lips. That was a name he hadn't expected to hear. Even if it was coming from another ex-turk.

The other SOLDIER shifted, as if he'd looked her way, before visibly shaking his head inside his hood.

"Oh, okay…" Elena was disappointed. "I'm sure he's fine. He'll call eventually…"

So this other "SOLDIER" was the president? The president of SDS? Zack wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that, or if he should "feel" anything at all. He'd been a SOLDIER, sure, and was forever marked as one, but that didn't mean he was somehow more connected to this other person.

If anything, what was more disconcerting was hearing Tseng's name. Tseng had been a high ranking member of the Turks back in his day—second in command. And Elena was asking about him like this "president" was on speaking terms with him. Perhaps more. Like a…working relationship?

Ignoring how his heart beat heavily in his chest, Zack sank a little further back into the shadows. He didn't need much more verification that SDS clearly had to be related to Shinra. It was one thing for Elena to work for Cid Highwind, who also worked with SDS. But for Tseng to also be involved? With the _president_ of SDS?

Shinra was alive and well, it seemed. Which meant the sooner he could get off this airship and out of sight, the better off he'd be.

Pulling up his own hood, Zack tucked all his hair up inside just as the whole airship shook, as if finally dropping to the ground. Though the engines were still roaring, Zack was thankful for the steadiness that came with no longer being in the air. And he was even more thankful when two of the crew members rushed forward and started unlocking the door, before eventually cranking the levers that would lower the large ramp.

He flinched as the pure brightness of late afternoon came flooding in, first through the cracks before the ramp was lowered enough to have opened the ship up entirely. The sharp, chilling wind of the north also came blustering in, fluttering about and causing Zack to shiver as he waited.

He'd never been this far north before.

With a shuddering thump, the ramp was fully lowered, the two crewman giving the signal that inspired everyone else left waiting to start disembarking. The president went first, marching down without any sort of hesitation with Elena at his heels. The other crew members rushed out as well, perhaps to ready the airship to shut down entirely, or…whatever it was airships needed to be prepared to do up in the frigid north.

Approaching the ramp, Zack squinted against the blinding white of the snowy, mountainous landscape. Which was what contributed to the sheer brightness, as the thick gray and blue cloud-cover above pretty well barred the sun from shining through.

They were docked up on a tall hill, the high winds whistling about above their heads blocked by the surrounding mountains. While down along the length of the hill, toward the bottom, was a town. The buildings were made of heavy wood and stone, the roofs covered in a thick blanket of snow. Pine trees grew up at the edges, surrounding the hill and the settlement, while the yellow glow from the windows invited people closer.

Attention flicking back to Elena and the president, Zack watched as they made their way down the slippery, beaten path, obviously headed into town. Which likely meant they'd make their way to the inn. Much as he'd avoided renting a room in Nibelheim, he'd have to do so here as well. Now that he knew for sure that SDS was linked to Shinra—to _Tseng_ —he had to avoid them at all costs.

Well, perhaps he'd just check the hospital and head out. With the ice and elemental materias equipped, he didn't have to worry so much about the cold. So long as he had food and items to keep his energy up, then there was no reason he couldn't be on his way. Sure, it was well into the afternoon, so he was getting a late start, but he anticipated the journey would take him a few days anyway. One way or another, he'd have to put up with the subzero temperatures that came along with nightfall.

Continuing to watch until the president and Elena were finally reaching the edge of town, Zack decided he could be on his way. Stepping down off the ramp, he followed in their tracks, ever wary of being noticed. They eventually turned a corner out of sight, Zack continuing on until he was passing into the town as well. Once he was past the first row of buildings, he could see them again. They were approaching a large, well-lit building with a large "Inn" sign out front.

Exactly as he'd anticipated.

Watching them until they finally vanished inside, Zack frowned and continued on. He managed to snag a local's attention, which got him directions to the hospital. And though the town itself was small, he was thankful it was on the opposite side to the inn.

"Excuse me," he said as he entered, hardly noticing a temperature difference as he walked inside, no doubt due to his new materia. The nurse behind the front counter looked up at his approach, her expression open and friendly. "I was just wondering if I could ask about a patient."

"I suppose that depends on what you want to know," she replied simply.

"Uh, I just want to know if there's anyone here with mako poisoning," he said, getting as straight to the point as he could. "I'm looking for a friend."

But she was already shaking her head. "There's no one here like that. If there were, they'd have been sent to Healen."

"Yeah, I here that's the place to go for that sort of thing." He tried not to sound too disappointed as he tapped his fingers atop the counter.

"I'm sorry we couldn't help," she said.

"That's okay." Zack waved the whole thing aside. "I kinda expected that answer." He was about to turn away, but as he was doing so, his thoughts snagged on another idea. "Uh, one more question," he said, as he twisted back around. "I don't know if you'll know this or not, but, ah, symptoms for a certain illness: weird, veiny wounds, black puss, general weakness. Any of that ring a bell?"

She frowned. "That's geostigma." Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right…"

"Do you have it?" she asked, suddenly concerned. "You need to get to Junon if you do. All the healing water is stored there, in The Lab."

"Ah, no, it's not me," Zack lied. Poorly. "I was just… wondering."

She was definitely not convinced. "It isn't something to drag your feet on," she insisted. "You're a SOLDIER, right?" She pointed to his eyes. "Are you having recurring symptoms?"

"Uh, like I said, it's not—"

"I heard the president of SDS is getting here today. If you go to him, he'll get you immediate transport to Junon."

"Like I said," Zack raised his hands, "it's not me. I was just curious."

She was frowning again.

"Thanks, though, for all your help," he continued. "I'm just gonna…" He gestured back toward the door, before turning on his heel and heading back that way.

"It's extremely lethal," she said, just as he was reaching for the door. "It needs to be treated as soon as possible."

Turning his head over his shoulder, Zack offered her a curt smile, waving once as he pulled open the door and stepped back out into the blistering cold. He only gave in to the need to sigh once he'd closed the door behind him.

"Extremely lethal?" he muttered to himself, glancing down at his arm as he did.

He'd heard the term "geostigma" before, but hadn't thought much on it. He probably should have asked more about it, but that nurse had been pretty pushy. The last thing he wanted was someone going to the president of SDS and reporting him. He wasn't too thrilled about the idea of Junon either, but supposed going there wasn't exactly optional, if that was the only way to fix this. By the sounds of it, he either did that or ended up dead.

How was he supposed to get to Junon?

His life was just one frustration after another, it seemed.

No matter. It wasn't exactly priority number one. He hadn't come all this way just to panic and leave again. The Forgotten City was still his current goal. After that, he could worry about Junon.

Besides, he needed to get out of town as soon as possible. The longer he loitered, the higher the chance he'd run into someone he'd rather avoid.

Glancing around, he made sure no one was paying him any attention, before he continued on through town. Nanaki had said that he'd need to leave Icicle Inn to the south. From there, he'd hike around the mountains to the west, able to turn west himself at some point, before trailing along the foothills to the north. Eventually, _more_ mountains would rise up on the horizon, and it was here that he'd have to search for a large cave, which would lead him into the Sleeping Forest.

It was a long journey, but he was determined to make it. He still had plenty of food and items in his pack, and now that he was properly equipped with materia, he was bound to fair far better. The only worry ahead of him were the monsters, but he was confident in his own ability to deal with them, sick with some weird disease or not.

The town wasn't very large and soon enough he was headed down the bank to the south, leaving the golden glow of the lights behind. Thankfully, there was still considerable protection provided by the mountains, so it wasn't overly windy. A light, fluffy snow was drifting down from the clouds, blurring some of the horizon ahead, but not to the point where he couldn't make out the mountain range to the west. The drifts were only about calf-high, which made it pretty easy to tromp through. It was delicate, feathery snow—likely due to the frigid temperatures—which put considerably less strain on his legs.

The materia in his bracer regulated his body temperature, as well as provided defense against much of the territory's elemental monsters. An hour after he'd left, the town was long behind him, out of sight, and the plains were flattening out. The mountains to the west towered over him, which made them all the better as landmarks. So long as he kept them continuously on his left, he'd eventually make it around to the west side of the snowfields.

Being so far north, the sun set earlier than on the other continents, and so it was only a few hours into his hike that the sky began to dim. The cloud-cover was still so thick that he couldn't see the sunset, and so it took him a bit by surprise. Thankfully, the reflection off the swaths of snow kept everything bright and visible, so he didn't have to worry about seeing even as the sky grew dark above him.

Occasionally, the heavy clouds would break so he could see the stars. But it was never long enough to get a read on the constellations. Which made him all the more grateful to the nearby mountains as a guide.

He supposed the temperature must have dropped, though it was hard to tell with the elemental materia keeping him stable. What gave it away was how the thick, fluffy snowflakes twirling down from the sky became small and compact, interrupting the silence with light ticking noises as they fell to the ground. But even this eventually lessened as the night wore on, Zack remembering from one of his survival classes that once it reached some -20 degrees celsius, snow was less likely to fall. Something about moisture being necessary in the air and how severely cold temperatures oftentimes negated such things. When the snow stopped entirely, he supposed it must be extremely chilly out.

It'd been poor planning on his part, that he hadn't been prepared for such things. Sure, he probably could have purchased more survival supplies in Icicle Inn, but he hadn't exactly considered the notion before boarding the airship. He really owed Cid a considerable debt. Someday, he'd have to return the materia.

It was hard to tell the time, what with him already being so tired. And while the silence was nice and made it easy to detect incoming monsters, he wasn't wholly comfortable just stopping in the middle of the snowfields to attempt to get some shut eye. He'd be a blatant target, which was far worse than the moving target he currently was. He supposed he could veer some to the north, until he reached the forest lining the foothills, but, then again, he'd eventually cut so close to the mountains to end up there anyway, so might as well keep going.

There were far less monsters around at night, he noted, wondering if the temperatures were too severe, even for them. Which left him staring aimlessly up at the sky for long stretches of time, his thoughts left to run wild in the frosty silence.

Thoughts that took him back. The quiet, thankfully, aided in keeping the worst of his memories at bay, allowing him to drift even further back. Before Nibelheim, to the days he preferred to remember. To the time he and Cloud had spent together, in Midgar, in Junon. Time that meant so much to him, even if it was brief. Even in comparison to the year he and Cloud had been on the run, their relationship prior was short-lived.

What would Cloud be like now, he wondered. If he wasn't a vegetable, that was. Best case scenario, he'd have recovered. This was what Zack hoped for, doing his best to ignore the thoughts in the back of his head that whispered against it. What would he have done with his life? How would he have changed?

It was hard to imagine, what Cloud would look like. He'd be… almost twenty-six now. Sure, he'd lost plenty of his baby fat after Zack had pulled him from the pod back in Nibeheim, but that had likely been due to malnutrition. He'd been a bit taller too, despite constantly having to use Zack for support. He was having a hard time imagining it, all around. After all, with mako enhancements, Cloud would have naturally bulked up some as well.

Then again, maybe he'd always be wiry. It was hard to know, really. All of it was hard to imagine, Zack's mind instead happy to provide him with image after image of seventeen-year-old Cloud—the Cloud he was most familiar with.

Would he have looked for Zack? Was he still looking for him? After all, their marks told them their soulmates were still alive. So Cloud was definitely looking for him.

Because he'd never have given up, right? Not knowing he was alive?

He couldn't imagine he would have. Not after all they'd been through together. Only his health would have stopped him—would still.

Which brought him back around to things he'd rather not be thinking about. Cloud's health; his own.

Better to focus on other things.

Unfortunately, this became more and more difficult as the night wore on. The stinging in his arm was gradually returning, a symptom he was more than familiar with by that point. Still, he put off addressing it as long as possible, not wanting to deal with the pain. But, eventually, the whole thing started taking a toll. He could feel it, the dampness of the wound oozing through the bandage, which in turn would have it staining the fabric of his long underwear. His vision started to blur as well, energy draining until he was unsteadily wavering on his feet.

He knew he was going to pass out. That even if he stopped to clean it, the agony would have him face down in the snow. Which had him drinking down an ether in preparation, in the hopes this would sustain the effects of the materia in his bracer until he woke up again.

Otherwise, he was definitely going to freeze to death.

It didn't take long, though, for him to accept that he'd soon be unable to move on if he didn't do something. Taking a shaky breath, he came to a stop in the snow, completely and utterly alone as he gently gripped at his arm—at the parts not infected.

It was in this moment that he was abruptly aware of how isolated he was. No one around for miles, just snow and mountains and monsters. If he died out here, no one would ever know. He'd just fade into the treacherous landscape, quite as though he'd never been.

It was a depressing thought, one he was having more and more often these days. He didn't want to admit it, that travelling was starting to wear him down. Alongside the supposed geostigma and insomnia of course. As well as his concern for Cloud and the constant paranoia over being pursued by Shinra.

He was so… tired. And lonely. So, so, so lonely. Was Cloud lonely too, he wondered? Or had he done as Zack had advised and opened himself up to other people despite the risks?

Cloud…

He wanted to see him. See him so terribly it ached worse than his arm.

Dropping to his knees in the snow, Zack blinked against the nauseous throbbing that echoed up and down his whole body, that threatened to upend him entirely. The world was starting to spin, to tip out from under him, and he felt acutely like he could be sick. Which was new.

Groaning, he reached up and gripped at his chest, trying his best to swallow back on whatever was trying to crawl its way out of him. But it wasn't working, his whole body bubbling as his stomach inched higher and higher, pounding with the dizzying ache that left him trembling.

Another groan erupted from his throat, as his skin began to sweat despite the cold. His breath was labored despite attempts to keep it even, his whole body heating up with a sudden fever.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so incredibly ill. Probably prior to becoming a SOLDIER, as the enhancements coursing through his body generally warded off illness. But now, he was acutely aware of how it was working against him, like every bit of strength was being painfully stripped away, until all that was left was this hollow feebleness lingering in every bone in his body.

Once again, his stomach surged upward, his whole body lurching. It sent him forward, onto his hands, back bowing up as he dry-heaved. It was painful and dizzying, the feeling, but he couldn't stop it no matter how hard he tried. Again, it rolled through his body, causing him to cough out even as he thought his stomach was going to come up through his throat. It didn't, his heated breath the only thing that visibly expelled from between his lips.

For only a second, he thought it was over. But then something terrible—something hard and painful and invasive—burst inside of him. Like a rock had exploded in his stomach, every organ surging upward and away—instinctually trying to make way for the burning bile that came flooding up his throat. That he stood no chance in stopping, back once again bowing as he heaved.

As thick, disgusting black bile came vomiting out of his mouth, spewing forward and staining the pure white snow beneath him.

It was so painful he saw stars, his vision evaporating as he violently coughed, his body doing all it could to expel the terrible substance. Another series of dry-heaves assaulted him, sapping his energy with each futile attempt to rid him of this infection.

By the end of it, every bit of him was shivering, pressure building behind his eyes as he gasped. A final heave had him releasing a painful sob, one that would have been accented by tears had it not been so cold.

" _Cloud_ …" his broken voice cried despite himself, like the name was some kind ingrained call for help. The only refuge he had, as fear and desperation coursed through him in place of the disgusting bile now sinking into the snow.

"What incredible suffering." A voice. One that dragged Zack's gaze up, until he could see those black leather boots even as his vision blurred. Boots that led up to more and more black, eventually being cut away to reveal swaths of silver hair and cold, calculating eyes. "But, even so, it is a gift," Sephiroth continued evenly. "You should feel honored."

Zack wanted to rebuke, or even lash out in defense. But he just didn't have the strength. He was left to stare helplessly upward, completely at the mercy of the man smiling down at him.

"Did you honestly think he would come, if you called?" Sephiroth continued. "The man you're so desperately searching for?"

Suddenly, he was on his back, the breath knocked out of him as Sephiroth loomed, bending down so he could grab Zack by the front of his coat.

"Nothing can save you now. Just as you couldn't save him."

He was choking again, that horrible bile building until he couldn't breathe. Until he was gasping for breath.

"You're mine now," Sephiroth whispered. "And I'll see to it that you live every one of your worst nightmares until you give in. Until you embrace me as your everything."

Despite the pain, Zack found his voice. "Fuck you," he coughed out, even as his head lolled back in the snow. Even as more black bile dribbled down his chin.

"I'm in every part of you now, Zack. I exist in every breath you take, in every thought in your head, in every inch of your flesh. Slowly but surely, I'll peel it all away, until you're nothing but a raw, pulsating nerve, vulnerable to my every whim and desire."

Barely breathing, Zack struggled against him. "You're… wrong…" he managed to gargle out. "Not… every… part…" Even as he said it, the brand on his arm burned. Not the veiny wound, but the familiar words that had kept him company all his life. That were part of Cloud and no one else. That not even Sephiroth could claim as his own.

"But you're wrong," Sephiroth murmured, suddenly holding Zack's forearm—where his soulmarks were—in his tight, penetrating grip. "Cloud belongs to me, just as well as you. No matter how you both fight it, that is an inevitability."

Weakly, Zack shook his head against the snow.

"You'll see it, eventually. How profoundly engrained I am in Cloud, just as well as you. How deeply every part of me exists within him." His other hand was around Zack's throat, cutting off what little air he'd had left. While that silver hair draped down around him, closing him in. "I'll show it to you, in every way that terrifies you most."

Zack tried to gasp. He tried to struggle, to fight back, but he was just too weak. Every part of him was growing numb, was evaporating around him. Until he was losing sight of his own self, his own memory. It was all just… slipping away.

He reached out for it, desperately. He held on as best he could.

He thought of blonde, spiky hair and bright, sky blue eyes.

Even as everything faded.

"Not putting up with this bullshit today," another voice suddenly interjected, before the weight of Sephiroth lording over him abruptly dissipated. Eyes blown wide, Zack inhaled, the cloudy sky flashing above him and revealing another figure. This one stepped around him, approaching Sephiroth, who scowled and staggered back a step.

Zack recognized those familiar blonde spikes.

"Get out of here," he continued, brandishing his hand in Sephiroth's direction—almost like he was waving away smoke. "Mother fucking pest."

And just like that, Sephiroth vanished.

Blinking, it took Zack a moment to catch his breath, even as he weakly pushed himself up onto his hands. All the while, he stared at the other man in front of him, unsure whether what he was seeing was real or not.

But maybe that didn't matter.

It was Cloud. It had to be. But he was thicker, muscle lining his arms and shoulders (though his middle was, admittedly, still very narrow). His back stretched with strength as well, though swathed in a black knit sweater not unlike those Zack had worn in his SOLDIER days. Black pants and bare feet followed. Which was all well and good, except that he wasn't exactly dressed to be out in temperatures this harsh. He was definitely going to freeze, lacking in layers as he was.

"C—Cloud?" Zack managed to stammer out.

As if he hadn't realized he was there at all, Cloud finally turned.

The look of surprise on his face must have mirrored Zack's own. Only for it to be quickly overtaken by exasperation, Cloud blinking his eyes closed and shaking his head.

"I really don't want to deal with this right now," he muttered to himself, reaching up with one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Deal with what?" Zack asked, somewhat aware of the pain that was dissolving from his body. Soon, all he could feel was a buzzing sort of warmth. Like he'd been surrounded in blankets and stuffed in front of a fire.

It felt like a halo of security.

"These weird-ass dreams," Cloud replied shortly.

"Dreams?" Zack asked weakly. "This… This is a dream?"

Cloud huffed, hands on his hips as he finally looked back down at him. "Somehow, I'm not surprised that a dream version of you would ask that."

"But I'm not the dream," Zack replied and pointed up at him. "You are."

"I really have been thinking about you too much lately, haven't I?" Cloud muttered, gesturing weakly down to him. "Must be, to conjure up this."

"What do you mean?"

"You. In the snow, looking so terrible. I usually dream about you looking like, well… how I imagine I must remember you."

"How you imagine?"

"My memory. It's complicated." He waved him off.

Frankly, though, this was about the weirdest dream Zack had ever had of Cloud. It seemed fitting, that dream-Cloud would accuse Zack of being the dream. Because he was such a know-it-all. But even so, he usually dreamt of Cloud the way dream-Cloud claimed to dream of him—as he had been. Young, from his memory. Not… this.

Not this grown man, with sharper, more defined features and mako eyes that were full and bright, instead of shrouded in that horrible emptiness.

"Well, either way…" Zack slumped back into the snow. "Thanks for coming."

Cloud stared down at him curiously.

"You got rid of Sephiroth. Guy was seriously being a dick."

That familiar—oh so bitterly familiar—gaze softened. "I've had a lot of practice over the years."

"I don't know what that means," Zack said, "but I guess I'll take your word for it."

Cloud turned curious. "This is the strangest dream…" Something in his expression broke then, beneath the surface. "I haven't… I haven't been able to imagine you this clearly in…" He clamped his mouth shut, pain flashing through his eyes.

Pain Zack didn't want to see, even in a dream. "Well, take in the view while you can," he teased. "Even if I am a little messed up right now." As if to add insult to injury, a cough forced its way violently up his throat.

But it garnered considerable worry and sympathy from Cloud, who frowned and moved closer. Until he was crouching down at Zack's side.

Unable to look away, Zack watched him the whole time. Was unwilling, perhaps, to look anywhere else.

"You do look terrible," Cloud murmured.

"Yeah. I guess I'm sick or something," Zack reasoned. "Don't worry about it though—I'll be fine."

Cloud didn't appear convinced, but nodded nonetheless. They stared at one another for a few seconds, and then Cloud reached up toward Zack's face. He hesitated, before gently brushing the backs of his knuckles along Zack's jaw.

His touch was hot, at least in comparison to the frigid world around them, and Zack closed his eyes. He savored it, that familiarity. The sensation of Cloud's fingers moving up, lightly tracing his lips, then the length of his nose, until his hand was stroking his hair. Stroking in the same way he'd always done when Zack had needed comfort.

"I miss you," Zack whispered, lashes fluttering open again.

Cloud's breath was shaky. "I miss you too," he admitted quietly.

"Where are you?" Zack asked, voice strained with desperation. "I'll come to you."

Once again, Cloud's expression was sympathetic. And sad.

"This really is some dream," he murmured. "I can't decide if it's… if it's torture, or paradise."

"Torture?" Zack cracked a half-smile. "Wow, rude."

A very short chuckle left Cloud's lips, his hand once again sliding down the side of Zack's face.

"Hey, Cloud?" he asked after a heavy pause. His breath was once again shaky, limbs still echoing with weakness despite the pain being gone. "I know this is just a dream, but… can you—can you… hold me?"

Lips parting, Cloud stared at him, startled. Before something like humored exasperation had him scoffing. Just lightly.

"Yeah," he choked out. "I can do that."

Shuffling just a bit closer, he slid one arm up under Zack's back, lifting him easily up out of the snow before cradling him close, against his chest. His other arm then came up and wrapped around Zack's head, as if to shield him from the bitter cold.

While Zack turned his nose into Cloud's knit sweater, one of his own hands coming up to wrap around Cloud's arm. He held tight—as tightly as he could in his weakened state. He could feel it, when Cloud bent his head down atop Zack's, when he laid a gentle kiss atop his hair before turning to rest his cheek in the same place.

"I've got you," he murmured, as Zack closed his eyes. "I'll keep you safe."

 _Safe_.

When was the last time he'd honestly felt safe? He couldn't remember, but, somehow, hearing it from Cloud—even in a dream—made him want to believe it. Perhaps it was the illusion of it all that was pacifying him, or the exhaustion plaguing every part of his body. He wanted to rest, to be comfortable in doing so. And, maybe, with Cloud there—even if he wasn't real—he could manage it.

Just for a little while.

It was very quiet between the two of them, Zack eventually noticing that though he was flush up against Cloud's chest, he couldn't hear his heart beating. Which made it all the clearer that none of this was real. Still, it was better than being alone, Zack clinging almost desperately to Cloud's shirt, afraid that if he loosened his hold, he'd vanish.

He just needed Cloud to stay long enough for him to get some rest. Long enough that he could somehow convince himself that he wasn't alone.

He could hear it, the wind whistling about the mountaintops far, far above his head. It moaned and creaked through the pine trees at their bases, before skimming lightly across the chilly plains. At first, Zack didn't notice the whispers fluttering up through the snow. He didn't want to hear it, perhaps, so desperate to keep his focus on Cloud. But it called to him nonetheless, this sighing voice. Until he was barely cracking his eyes open.

He tried to tell himself that the blurriness of Cloud's figure was due to his own fatigue, despite that defense being weak at best. So he looked elsewhere. Off across the glowing blanket of whiteness, toward the dark horizon.

The wind once again twirled up around him, tossing his hair as he took in a deep breath. As his hold on Cloud fell through, fabric dissipating under his hand as that comforting warmth was whisked away.

But, even so, he could hear it now, that familiar voice.

"Aerith?" he muttered weakly, continuing to stare off across the barren fields.

Again, the wind whispered past his ears. It called to him, even as the darkened sky cascaded downward, flooding in.

Again, he closed his eyes. Closed his eyes, and listened.

" _Zack_ …"

_9 Years Ago_

"Zack!" Aerith's whole expression lit up as her eyes twitched in his direction, Zack offering up a tight smile and a wave as he skirted behind a group of people waiting in line at a food truck. "I didn't know you were coming to see me," she said, skipping down a set of chipping stone stairs to meet him. "You should have texted."

"It was kind of an unexpected trip," he admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Besides, it's been forever since I made it to Sector 5 to see you."

"That's true," she agreed, hands folded behind her back as she smiled up at him. Her long brown hair was twisted and tied back as usual, the pink ribbon Zack had bought her when they'd first started dating holding it in place. With it being the middle of summer, it was hot under the plate, leaving her in a light, blue and white sun dress with pink wedge sandals. She was a picture of pretty—delicate features, thin figure, and the biggest green eyes Zack had ever seen. "Here I was thinking you'd made a new best friend," she teased.

"You'll always be my best friend, Aerith," Zack replied, offering her a grin as he did. "Well, you'll always be _one_ of my best friends."

She eyes him critically for a moment, before her expression was flashing back into good humor. "I'll take it!" she decided, before reaching out and fingering the collar of his black t-shirt. "I have to say, it's kinda weird seeing you without your uniform."

"Oh, yeah, well, I'm still off duty," Zack explained, peering down at himself as he did. Just a t-shirt, ratty jeans, and a pair of combat boots. "Medical leave and all."

Aerith frowned. "Are you well enough to have come all this way?"

"Oh, yeah." Zack waved off her concerns. "I have a doctor's appointment later this week and I'm betting they'll decide I'm fit for light duty. So coming down here isn't any big thing."

"No big thing, huh?" Aerith smiled again, before spinning around on him and linking her arm through his. "What shall we do, then?"

"Well, actually…" Zack cringed, just a bit. "I was wondering if I could maybe enlist the services of the one and only Sector 5 florist."

"Oh, you want flowers, huh?" she asked, the two of them starting up the stairs. "What kind of flowers?"

"Just something… nice."

"What are they for, is what I mean."

"Well…" Glancing around quickly, he noted all the ears potentially listening in. He didn't exactly want to air any dirty laundry with such a crowd milling about around them. Thankfully, Aerith noticed his unease.

"Why don't we head back to my office," she said, "and you can tell me all about it."

Zack grinned again. "Sounds perfect."

Continuing on, they ducked under a metal platform, the following tunnel leading them up to the front side of the Leaf House—the local orphanage where Aerith oftentimes volunteered. It was the first place Zack had thought to look for her, as he'd been headed that way when he'd run into her.

No one was outside—none of the kids or teachers, that was. They were all likely in lessons this time of day, which was probably for the best. Zack was pretty popular with all the orphans and he'd likely get caught up helping them build wooden swords or hunt toads if they spotted him. Not that he'd mind, of course, but he didn't exactly want to be gone from HQ that long.

Even though he'd kind of been kicked out of his apartment in the first place.

Moving on past the orphanage, he and Aerith chatted lightly as they headed up the path that would funnel them to her mom's house. She updated him on all the Sector 5 happenings—on who was mad at who and who'd started what drama and which kids were in trouble. It was all rather meaningless, but Zack enjoyed it. Enjoyed hearing her voice, really. It set him at ease. She was one of the few people in the whole world that he really trusted. Just being with her relaxed him.

"And I don't know why they thought I should be involved," she was saying as they left behind the long, junk-lined tunnel that opened up into her yard. "Not like I knew who was right or wrong."

"Well, you're always good at pacifying those kinds of situations," Zack reasoned, his gaze tripping along the scenery as they headed up the rickety steps that would take them to the platform leading down into the Gainsborough property.

It looked much the same as it always had. A single waterfall cascaded down the back cliff, flowing into a pool that cut through the center of the property. While fields of flowers filled the cliff basin, igniting what might have been drab piles of junk with bright, fluttering colors very rarely seen in Midgar anymore.

To the left corner sat the house. Larger than most in the undercity, it stood at two stories with a third acting as a balcony at the very top. It was built with the same junk and shoddy materials as everything in the undercity, but had been made up to look better. Like each shingle had been picked out to appear like they matched, and each board had been stained until they all looked alike.

It was, by far, the nicest house in Sector 5. Maybe the nicest house in any of the undercities.

Once at the bottom of the entrance platform, Aerith led him down the stone path leading closer to the house. "I know I'm a good mediator," she was saying, "but that doesn't mean I want to be involved in everyone's personal business all the time."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be such a good listener?" Zack offered, which earned him a huff.

Crossing a rickety bridge built over a branching stream, Aerith then led him around, past the house, and down across another shoddy bridge, before she finally pulled away from him. Coming to a stop, she turned, plopped her hands on her hips, and stared critically up at him. "You're no help, you know," she lectured. "You should be telling me it's their doing for taking advantage of me, not that it's my own fault."

Zack was skeptical. "I don't think anyone can take advantage of _you_."

She thought on his comment only quickly. "You're right," she decided, before smiling and turning on her heel. "I'd definitely have a few choice words for anyone who tried."

"More than that, I bet."

She laughed—the equivalent of agreeing.

"So!" she said a second later. "Now that we're alone…" She'd led them up a path rounding its way up a slight bank. One that gave them a generous view of the property below. "Are you going to tell me what you need these flowers for?"

"I can try?" Zack offered.

Aerith raised an imploring eyebrow.

"It's… kind of complicated," he admitted, deflating some as he did.

Frowning, Aerith cocked her head thoughtfully, before ultimately turning to the edge of the bank. Beckoning Zack closer, she sat down, legs dangling over the edge. He followed suit, until they were side by side, the roaring of the waterfall echoing around them.

"Is this about Cloud?" she asked after a few more seconds.

A question that had Zack sighing.

"Are you guys still fighting?"

"No. I mean, not about the soulmate thing." Which was where he'd left Aerith last, as far as the soap opera that was his and Cloud's life. "We're not really fighting now. It's…"

Scooting a little closer, Aerith laid her hand over Zack's arm. "Tell me."

Eying her sadly, Zack considered for only a second before ultimately accepting she'd get it out of him one way or another, so he might as well give up. Taking a deep breath, he relayed as quickly and concisely as he could manage what had transpired. Up until Cloud had left medical to come stay with him in his apartment some four days prior.

"Poor Cloud," Aerith murmured, hugging her own arms around her middle as she did. "That must have been so scary."

"Yeah…" Zack agreed, unsure what else he could say. What else he had any right to say, really.

"He's safe now though, right?" she questioned. "Yet, based on your attitude, things must not be…"

"Things aren't bad, exactly," he explained. "Cloud and I seem to be getting along fine. I mean, as well as we were before. As… friends, mostly."

"Friends?"

"I mean, we kiss sometimes, but mostly we're lying around watching movies, playing games, and studying. Well, me helping Cloud study, or whatever. Which is fine. I'm not, like, upset that we're still kind of… hanging around in the 'friend zone.'" Despite everything that had already gone on between them. "I don't want to push Cloud or anything, not after what happened to him."

"Right…"

"It's just… I feel kind of helpless. Like I don't know what to say or do. We'll be fine and laughing and getting along one second, and then the next, Cloud's all closed off and cranky. And, like, telling me to 'back off' or 'leave him alone.' Granted, Cloud's always been kinda moody, but this is like whiplash. Because then I _will_ leave him alone, but twenty minutes later, he's all guilty and sad, which he doesn't need to be! So then we're back to cuddling on the couch or something. Which, okay, great, but also…" Sighing, Zack stared out across the yard, feeling even more lost than when he'd started talking. "And then it just happens all over again. Like right now. He snapped about wanting to be alone, so I just… left. But I'm also like, was that the right thing to do? Or like, sometimes, I think he gets upset and just… goes in the bathroom and cries. And doesn't say anything. But I wish he would, so that I could… I don't know."

Humming, Aerith took a moment before speaking again. "I think maybe you're overthinking this a little bit," she started, Zack listening even as he stared sadly downward. "So, like, when kids show up at the orphanage who've gone through something like that—sexual violence—"

Zack cringed.

"—they're always really… emotionally uneven. Kids coming from any kind of abusive situation tend to be that way. And I get that Cloud isn't a kid, but it's still a lot for him to wrap his brain around. And it only just happened, right? Like, four or five days ago? He's still trying to grapple with that trauma."

"I know that," Zack said. "Like, I know that's why he's acting the way he is. But I just… wish I could do something to help him."

Reaching up, Aerith laid her hand on his shoulder. "Just being there is more help than you realize," she said quietly. "But if you're that worried, just talk to him about it. You said he gets guilty, right? Then he must realize his behavior is unusual. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help. Though… I don't really know that there is. It's going to take time for a wound like that to heal."

"I just don't want him to feel bad," Zack reiterated. "Like, he's not screaming at me or anything. He's just a little short sometimes. And, like, he has every right to tell me to back off—I know I can be a bit clingy anyway. But I feel like there's this wall, you know."

"I think you might be expecting a bit much, Zack. From Cloud and yourself."

Reasoning that was drawing his curious gaze her way again.

"I know that Cloud's 'walls' or whatever have always been a problem between you two, but that might not be something you'll ever be able to get rid of. Some people are just… like that. I'm like that about certain things, as you know. But some people have more boundaries than others. Cloud's introverted, right? He's probably not shutting you out, but just dealing with it in his own way."

"Maybe, but, like, the crying alone in the bathroom…" It was breaking his heart, knowing it was happening.

"So let him cry in the bathroom," she replied, shrugging as she did. "Not everyone takes comfort from sharing all their pain with someone else. Maybe what he needs is to be able to cry alone before coming out to you. I know _you're_ not like that," she leaned into him playfully, "but everyone is different.

"Think of it less like Cloud is hiding how he feels from you, but instead is willing to lower his walls once he feels relaxed. Being emotional can be really uncomfortable for some people, you know? Maybe he prefers to come to you after he's gotten a better handle on himself."

"But if he would just let be there with him, then I could, you know, comfort him and stuff."

Aerith sighed. "Maybe you seeing him breaking down all the time wouldn't be comforting to him. I mean it, Zack." She pulled her hand down to wrap it around his own. "The most comforting thing for him might be that he can cry alone and then come out, knowing you'll be there."

"I guess…"

"You're doing a good thing, not pushing him. And while you may think he's hiding, there's no way he doesn't know that _you_ know what he's doing. So in a way, you are with him, but at a distance."

"But how long is he going to need that?" Zack asked. "And I don't mean for this, specifically. I mean, like, when is he going to trust me enough to not need that distance?"

Aerith scoffed. "Probably never."

"What?"

"Zack, c'mon!" She shoved him then, a little less playfully than before. "We're going in circles here. This isn't, like, a bad habit he has. It's just part of who he is. All people deal with stress and trauma and, just, life in different ways. Some people need intimate support, while other people need time on their own. You're one type of person and he's another. It doesn't matter how much he trusts you, he's never going to _be_ like you." She laughed lightly. "Honestly, so long as he's _willingly_ coming to you afterward and _willingly_ communicating, then you don't need to worry."

While what she was saying made sense, Zack wasn't wholly sure. But…

Maybe she was right. It wasn't fair to equate his own behavior to Cloud's. He knew by then that he and Cloud had plenty in common, but also plenty of differences between them.

Cloud wasn't clingy, or talkative, or excitable. He liked to cuddle, and he could certainly banter and be passionate, but not in the same way Zack did. If Zack had it his way, he's be stuck on Cloud twenty-four seven. And probably chatting his ear off the whole time. Very exuberantly. So if he and Cloud could have these differences, then why not others?

In the end, most of Zack's concerns stemmed from uncertainty. From the notion that Cloud could be suffering and he wasn't doing all he could to help. Which was maybe a little selfish, because that was more about his own personal issues than anything to do with Cloud.

Like he was once again allowing his expectations to get in the way of reality.

Because of course he was. Worrying about Cloud falling back on the habits they'd discussed as being inappropriate kind of turned him into a hypocrite if he was doing the same thing with his bad behavior.

"What is it?" Aerith asked, after he released a long, audibly pained sigh.

"Nothing. Just realized I was being stupid again."

"You're not stupid," Aerith cut in quickly. "We all react this way, wanting to relate to others in a manner that's familiar. You and Cloud are still getting to know one another, on top of everything else that's happened. That's a really stressful relationship to be in. But so long as you're both willing to learn about each other, then you can get through it. It'll be okay."

 _Okay_ …

Yeah, perhaps someday it would be. Not like Zack was living in some kind of fantasy where he expected Cloud to be better after only a few days. He just had to keep reminding himself of what Angeal had said—that relationships took work. Not like he wasn't happy when he and Cloud were together—it was just the few rainy spots that kept him worried.

But maybe time was the solution. He wasn't a very patient person, but for Cloud, he'd do just about anything.

"You're right," he eventually agreed. "I probably was just worrying too much."

"That's alright." Aerith nudged his foot good-naturedly with her own. "This is hard on you too. Watching loved ones go through the kind of thing Cloud did can be traumatic for the people that care about him as well. It's normal that you need to sort through your own feelings too."

"Well, I guess I'm lucky you're such a good listener after all," he replied, smiling a bit at the same time.

"That'll be ten gil," she said, and held out her hand.

"Ten gil?! I don't know if it's worth _that_ much."

"You're so cheap!"

"I gotta make a living, Aerith. I can't just spend my money willy-nilly."

She scoffed. "And what do you spend your money on, exactly?"

He pooched his lips thoughtfully. "Don't really know, actually," he admitted. "I haven't checked my bank account in weeks."

Aerith rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, though," he continued. "Thank you. For helping me out."

"Of course!"

He leaned in a bit closer. "What about you? Got any problems that yours truly could help you out with?"

"Hmm…" She tapped her chin. "Nope! I'm perfect!"

It was his turn to scoff.

"Don't worry, I'll just add it to your tab. Someday, I'll cash in."

"Someday? What if I'm not around 'someday?'"

"You planning on going somewhere?"

He shrugged. "Maybe me and Cloud will ride off into the sunset or something, I dunno."

"Oh!" She clapped her hands together excitedly. "I want to go. I've always wanted to ride off into the sunset."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean 'what do you mean?'"

"If you're riding off into the sunset, then you're supposed to be going somewhere. You know, into a brighter future or whatever. Like a transition."

"Oh, no, I just wanted the experience." Leaning forward some, she swung her legs back and forth against the cliff. "I don't actually want to go anywhere."

Looking up at the plate overhead, Zack grinned. "You like your steel sky, huh?"

"Of course." She peered up with him. "It's… comforting. I don't know what I'd do if I could see the real sky all the time."

"Such a city girl."

"Naturally."

"It's really not all that different," Zack explained. "I mean, I get that it goes on forever, but that's not what it actually looks like."

"I know that," she murmured. "But… it's scary."

Frowning, Zack turned her way.

"There's so much out there that we don't know anything about. So much that's still unknown. It might be dangerous. Like… Like how the future is dangerous."

"So you'll just stay here forever?"

Humming, Aerith eventually sighed. "I'd like to stay here," she admitted quietly. "Maybe meet somebody else with an absent soulmate and get married. Have some babies, take them to school every day, and make dinner every night. A simple life." Folding her hands together in her lap, she held them so tight her knuckles paled. "But I know I'll have to leave some day."

"Why's that?"

She took a deep breath. "Nothing grows in Midgar anymore. I mean, sure, there's flowers here, and in the church, but everywhere else?" She shook her head. "All the life is getting sucked out of this place."

"Sucked out?" Zack asked, feeling abruptly chilled. "You mean like… mako?" Like what those eco-terrorists were always going on about? Like what Genesis had said before?

"Shinra will run out of mako here, someday. And they'll want to find a place with more. More than there ever was here."

"Maybe… But what's that got to do with you?"

She didn't answer, instead staring out at the flowers, her expression strangely… blank. Sad, even.

Zack didn't like it. "Well, whenever you do decide to leave, I'll go with you," he decided, his claim drawing her gaze back his way. "You'll need someone to beat up the monsters on the way to… wherever it is you're going. Me and Cloud, we could handle them for you."

"You _and_ Cloud, huh?"

"Sure."

Leaning in, she held up her pinkie finger. "You promise?"

"Of course!" Meeting the gesture, Zack linked his pinkie with her own, solidifying their pact. "I'll just quit SOLDIER and we'll be on our way."

"Quit SOLDIER? You?" She was rightfully skeptical. "You love being in SOLDIER."

"Yeah, well…" He huffed. "You never know what the future holds."

Aerith still wasn't convinced. "Did something… happen?"

Not yet—not really. But despite everything that had been happening with Cloud, the meeting he'd had with the generals still weighed heavily on his thoughts. He tried not to think about it, but eventually…

"No." Best not to bring it up. Aerith was always being watched by the Turks, so it wouldn't be in anyone's better interests to go blabbing about anything. "Just… being with Cloud is making me think about the future, that's all."

"Mmmhmm…" Thankfully, Aerith moved on. "You and Cloud gonna get married and grow old together? Is that what you're saying?"

"Who knows?" He flashed her a dazzling smile. "Anything's possible."

"Yeah, sure. Speaking of Cloud," she poked his thigh, "none of what we've talked about has explained why you need flowers."

"Oh, right. Actually, I was just thinking maybe they'd be nice. To give to Cloud, you know? I mean, I get it's kinda sappy and romantic, but I like getting gifts for people."

"That you do," she agreed. "Cloud better be careful or he'll end up with more flowers and chocolates than he knows what to do with."

"You said you liked them!"

"My mom liked them more."

"Whatever."

"What kind of flowers were you thinking, then?" she asked, pulling her feet up under her until she was standing.

"Ah, well…" Standing as well, Zack peered around the clearing, before his attention settled on the yellow flowers growing up at their feet. "These look nice."

"You know what these symbolize?" she asked, crouching down and cradling one of the yellow flowers between her hands.

"Hm?"

"Reunion."

"Oh… That's nice, right?"

There was a long pause before she answered, the heavy rushing of the waterfall echoing loudly in Zack's ears. "Yeah, maybe…" she eventually said. Clicking her tongue, she was bouncing up again. "Let's get you a bouquet then, shall we?"

"Let's do it!"

Together, they waded carefully through the flowers, collecting only the best specimens before hauling them down to the house. There, on the landing leading up to the front door, Aerith had paper and string, which she used to wrap he flowers up into a proper bouquet. Zack, of course, paid her what she was due—it was her livelihood, after all—before she handed them over.

"It's not too much, is it?" Zack asked, frowning as he stared down at the yellow flowers.

"What do you mean? I think these are pretty understated. You know, in comparison to roses or something."

"I guess. But Cloud is a guy. Maybe he won't like them."

Aerith screwed her mouth to the side. "I don't think flowers are gendered."

"You know what I mean."

"I think he'll like them," she said, sounding far too certain considering she'd never even met him. "The way you talk about him makes it sound like he'd appreciate anything you gave him. He'll probably be happy to know you were thinking of him, if nothing else."

A fair point. And even if Cloud did think the whole thing was ridiculous, he'd be nice about it. Zack just wanted to do something for him—something that wasn't so acutely related to everything that had recently happened. Just… a romantic gesture. Something empty, but still important.

"You should probably be getting back, right?" Aerith asked, when the silence between them had grown a little long. She was wearing a small smile, like she knew what he'd been thinking.

She probably did.

"Yeah. Cloud might be wondering where I am." He hadn't texted yet, but that hardly meant anything. Cloud was so spotty when it came to texting that Zack still wasn't sure what inspired him to do so and what stopped him.

"You should bring him the next time you drop in," she said, pointing up at the plate as she did. "I want to meet him."

Zack smiled. "Will do."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

Hopping down the steps, she held up her pinkie again. "Pinkie promise?"

Laughing, Zack linked their fingers once more. "Pinkie promise."

"You have to do it now! No backing out or excuses."

"Excuses? I never give you excuses."

"Sure you do. Always away from Midgar or working or some other lame reason."

"I have a job!"

She held a scolding finger up in front of his nose. "I won't stand for it."

"Well, don't worry then. Even if I'm not around, I'll send Cloud your way, okay? He could use some more friends anyway."

"I'll hold you to that, SOLDIER boy."

They parted ways shortly after, Aerith waving him off from her front stoop as Zack headed back out he way they'd come. Flowers in hand, he made his way through Sector 5 to the train station. It wasn't much of a wait, the train arriving shortly after. What would take longest was the ride all the way back topside. It was a trip Zack was pretty accustomed to, however, and soon he was waltzing in through one of Shinra HQ's side doors, heading directly to the elevator.

He was stopped in his tracks, however—attention snagging—when a familiar voice echoed in his ears. Detouring away from the elevator, he rounded one of the nearby pillars where, standing on the other side, were two second class SOLDIERS. They were chatting animatedly, one holding his helmet under his arm while the other kept his in place on his head. Despite this, Zack recognized the one with the helmet on by his voice, not knowing the other one at all.

"Kunsel!" Zack exclaimed, startling them both into looking up at him.

"Zack!" The voice came out from under the helmet. "Look at you! I knew you were in medical for a while, but I wasn't sure how you were recovering."

Which made sense, as Kunsel was currently on the deployment cycle, so he spent very little time in Midgar.

Kunsel was one of the few other SOLDIERS Zack was somewhat friendly with. Well, he was friendly with everyone, but Kunsel was the only one that really seemed to appreciate it. He'd been a SOLDIER a lot longer than Zack, but wasn't threatened by his accelerated movement through the ranks. Unlike the other SOLDIER with him, who didn't say anything, sure, but pursed his lips as he looked Zack up and down.

Kunsel wasn't Zack's best friend by any means—they weren't very close—but Zack was always glad when they went on occasional missions together. He made for better company than most.

"I'm doing much better now," Zack replied, offering up a big smile despite it only being returned by one of them. "I thought you were in Banora? With Angeal?"

"We literally just got back," Kunsel explained. "Like, not even twenty minutes ago."

"Oh! So Angeal's back too? You know where he went?"

"Ah, no idea. General Hewley's been acting kinda weird, actually. More standoffish than usual."

"Huh…" Probably best not to comment.

Kunsel was nothing if not shrewd, however. "You know something about it?"

"Nope," Zack lied, and shrugged as innocently as he could.

"Yeah, sure…" Kunsel clearly wasn't convinced, but moved on nonetheless. "What're the flowers for?"

"Oh, these? They're… for me. You know, to decorate my apartment." He didn't want to get into any details with Kunsel—he was a gossip factory. The last thing he needed was Kunsel finding out about Cloud staying in his room, or any of the details surrounding their relationship.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?" Kunsel said, crossing his arms over his chest as he did.

"Maybe so," Zack backed up a step, "but that still doesn't give you anything to work with."

"Zack!" he shouted, as he turned away from the two of them.

"I'm gonna go find Angeal!" he yelled back, as he jogged off toward the elevator. "See you later!"

Any sort of response was drowned out by their distance, Zack stepping into the elevator as soon as it arrived. Supposing a short deviation wouldn't hurt, be punched the button for floor five. The trip didn't take long as result, Zack heading swiftly down the corridor lined with infantrymen, some of whom stared while others whispered. His last, more violent visit was clearly remembered, but he ignored any overheard comments filtering into his ears. Instead, he went directly to Angeal's office, noticing right away that light filtered out from beneath the door.

Knocking, he didn't bother to wait to be welcomed in, too excited to see his mentor. Pushing the door open, he was just in time to see Angeal whipping around to look his way.

"Hey!" he said, and grinned.

Angeal, meanwhile, looked… terrible. His face was drawn and tired, his whole posture slumped inside his first class uniform. Heavy bags lined his eyes, while the frown already pulling at his lips visibly deepened.

Which had the smile on Zack's face faltering. Sliding into the office completely, he made sure to shut the door behind him before he approached the desk, behind which Angeal stood.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What happened?" Had they really found something in the reactor?

Angeal waved him off, before pulling out his desk chair and dropping himself heavily onto the seat. He then nodded toward the bouquet still held in Zack's hand. "Those for me?" He was clearly joking, though it was halfhearted.

"Ah, no, sorry. I mean, do you want one?" One of the flowers, that was.

"No, that's alright. I'll make do without."

Yet, Zack wasn't convinced. Moving to the chair in front of the desk, he set the bouquet on the floor as he sat down. "What happened?" he asked after a couple of heavy seconds.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Angeal reached up and messaged his temples. He didn't say anything for a long while, the silence stretching on and on. Zack waited through it all, not wanting to push his mentor, but unwilling to give up either.

"It's… complicated," Angeal eventually settled for saying, and leaned back in his chair.

"I can handle complicated," Zack said. "I've had plenty of practice lately."

A statement that had Angeal frowning again. "Sephiroth briefed me about Strife. I can't say I agree with how he dealt with the situation, but it's for the best that those three aren't around anymore. Is Strife alright?"

Zack shrugged one shoulder. "He's okay. We're… dealing with it."

Angeal nodded, seemingly in approval. Though it was hard to tell, as his gaze was otherwise distracted. Distant, perhaps.

And so Zack kept waiting.

"They called it Project Gillian," he started. Leaning forward, he twined his fingers together atop the desk. "It was headed by Dr. Hollander, who was working alongside Professor Gast and Hojo, though apparently on a different leg of their research."

"Research into what?"

Angeal released a weighty breath. "A being known as Jenova."

Which told Zack very little.

"Jenova was a… creature, I guess you could say, discovered by Professor Gast at the Northern Crater. He originally thought it—she—was an ancient, but that was later proven to be false."

An Ancient? Like the Cetra? Like Aerith?

Well, not like Aerith, as it would turn out.

"Which begs the question of what she is, or was. The records on the whole project are… vague, at best, and displaced at worst. They were stored in the reactor, alongside…"

"Alongside what?"

"Alongside the abandoned experiments Hollander had deemed as failures."

"Experiments?" Zack was already feeling a chill leaking down his spine. "What kind of experiments?"

"Monsters, mostly, twisted and manipulated by over-exposure to mako and Jenova cells. They're still encased inside the reactor."

"Jenova cells? What's that?"

"It was part of Project Gillian, which fell under the Jenova project umbrella. While those working on the project were still under the impression that Jenova was an ancient, they injected her cells into other organisms, attempting to create some sort of… hybrid. In order to lead Shinra to the promised land, though I'm not entirely sure what that refers to."

"Okay, but… how would injecting monsters with these cells have helped any?"

"They didn't just use monsters," Angeal said darkly. "Those tests were mostly done in order to record potential risks. Before they…"

Lips parting, Zack gaped some as he leaned back in his chair. "Then they were doing human experimentation…"

That'd been the worst case scenario. One that Angeal hadn't even been willing to entertain previously. Which made it just as shocking for Zack, if only because he'd been comfortable in Angeal's protective shadow, willing to believe as he had despite having doubts.

"Most of the records on those types of experiments were destroyed, but not all of them. Even after it was discovered that Jenova wasn't an ancient, they kept experimenting. If only because of the results observed through a fusion of mako bathing and Jenova cell injections."

"What sort of results?" Zack said a little too quickly.

"Increases in strength, agility, stamina. Better senses. Able to withstand more damage in battle, as well as increased healing and magic capabilities."

"That's what the mako does, though," Zack found himself insisting.

Angeal shook his head. "All mako enhancements do is increase physical strength, and maybe sensory abilities. But it doesn't affect healing or resistance, or magic, apparently. That's due in large part to the Jenova cells."

Zack's nostrils were flaring in outrage. "So let me get this straight: They've been injecting SOLDIERS with these… Jenova cells without disclosing it to any of us?" He had these cells inside him right now? What did that even mean? What was Jenova?

"Apparently."

Zack didn't even know how to react, or what to think. Nor how outraged he had the right to be. On one hand, the effects were apparently positive given his line of work, but on the other, he didn't appreciate that he hadn't been told beforehand. None of them had been. Nor was he the least bit thrilled at the research Shinra had done in order to get them to that point. Given how dangerous mako could be, and maybe these cells too, there was no doubt a number of human subjects had been sacrificed in the name of this research. Let alone the monsters.

"They figured it out, though," Zack asked. "This Jenova thing, it's good."

Angeal closed his eyes. "It's not. According to Hollander's research, Jenova cells eventually cause degradation. That is, the degrading of cellular tissue. Or, at least, SOLDIERS who are of the G-type variety will suffer as much, as they are the result of Hollander's research."

"Are there other types?"

"I don't know. As I said, the research was incomplete."

"But, if something like that was happening amongst our ranks, wouldn't we have noticed?"

"There were theories made based on the amount of Jenova cells injected into a host—that the more Jenova cells that are present, the faster the degradation. Because of this, the quantity of Jenova cells injected into any one host was lowered to the point that this degradation wouldn't start occurring until some twenty-five to thirty years later, in the case of a human host.

"This is why we haven't seen any cases of degradation among SOLDIERS. Yet. Hollander started his research a little less than thirty years ago, which means that most SOLDIERS won't start degrading for another five to ten years—the older ones, at least. At about the time that they'd be too old to be of much use anymore."

Because that bottom line was always the most important.

"But it's inevitable," Zack stated.

Angeal could only shake his head. "There wasn't enough research to say for sure. As far as G-type SOLDIERS, that's what it sounded like, but we have no way of knowing which SOLDIERS are G-type and which aren't, or if there are other types and what those types are. R&D probably has such things archived, but I doubt the information would ever be willingly released."

Which meant that all Zack could do was wait. Wait another fifteen to twenty years to see if he died some horrible, unnatural, cell-degrading death.

Awesome. Good to know he'd given up his chance at a "normal life" just to die prematurely. Some thanks that was for his service.

"That's not even the worst of it," Angeal continued, once again messaging his temples. "The site of all Hollander's research was in Banora. Where Genesis and I grew up."

Which Zack knew, but that was now alarming for wholly different reasons.

"My mother's name is Gillian," Angeal added.

"So… what does that mean?"

"My mother was a Shinra scientist before she retired to Banora. I knew this, but never thought much of it. In attempts to create a host that was able to adapt to Jenova's influence—as opposed to inevitably degrading—Hollander proposed two separate experiments, both of which required that Jenova's cells already be attached to another cell type. I suppose they thought this might allow for a less volatile adoption of the cells into another host.

"The first experiment was on a fetus, as it was hoped the fetus would adapt to the cells while still in development." Zack gaped, already horrified. "The second experiment was done in the hopes that a child could simply inherit Jenova's traits from the mother if the mother was already infused with Jenova's cells. Perhaps they thought this would somehow placate the effects of degradation—I don't know."

"Who… Who was allowing this to happen?" Zack asked, voice breathy with shock. "And what does your mother have to do with this?"

"My mother was the original host," Angeal said simply. "Or so she told us, when I returned home to confront her. Genesis was the original fetus, ultimately deemed a failure and adopted into a wealthy family in Banora after being infused with my mother's Jenova cells. While I was the child that inherited Jenova's cells naturally." Tapping his fingers atop the desk, he was visibly agitated.

"That's… so fucked up. I'm… really sorry, Angeal."

"I'm less worried about myself than I am Genesis," he admitted. "He took the news far worse than I did."

"You said Hollander deemed Genesis a failure," Zack pointed out. "What does that mean?"

"It means that, even as a baby, there was evidence his cells would eventually begin degrading."

"And you?"

"My mother told me I was no different, except that my degradation would be significantly slower than Genesis.' I was deemed Hollander's success, because I inherited all the exceptional positives of Jenova's influence, while having a potential lifespan that far exceeds all his other experiments. Though it is still, admittedly, shorter than that of the average person who dies of old age."

"Both you and Genesis are a lot stronger than even other First Class SOLDIERS as well. Is it because of this?"

"That would be my assumption."

"Then… what about Sephiroth?"

"I don't know. There was never any mention of Sephiroth in the records we found. He could, perhaps, be part of it all as well, or just be exceptionally receptive to mako and Jenova's cells. It varies from person to person, the results. You, for example, withstood far more mako showering than most, and have clearly excelled further than others with the Jenova cell enhancements. Your strength is still increasing."

"Yeah, that's true…" The whole thing was making Zack incredibly uncomfortable.

"And to top it all off," Angeal released a short, bitter laugh, "Hollander is my biological father."

Zack cringed.

"I'd never even questioned my parentage—hadn't even thought to consider it," he admitted. Leaning forward, he covered his face with his hands and released a shaky breath. "Hollander still works in this building, with Hojo. I don't even know how to start digesting that."

"I… I'm so sorry, Angeal," Zack said again, unsure what else there was _to_ say.

Frankly, he was still trying to figure out how to swallow the news about his own potential future. If they were to believe this research, then that meant he had until he was, maybe, forty-five years old. If he was willing to hope for the best.

That was nearly half his life ripped away from him. Well, maybe not half, but still a huge chunk he was going to be missing out on. Decades of his life just… gone. Without his consent or knowledge.

How… How would he tell Cloud?

He couldn't. Not yet. Not right now, anyway. Cloud had enough on his plate. And while Zack was definitely not in favor of keeping secrets, it wasn't pertinent that Cloud know about this right away. His time was cut short, but it wasn't gone entirely.

He'd definitely tell Cloud. He had to. Not just because he had an obligation to do so, but because Cloud _needed_ to know. He'd come to Midgar wanting to become a SOLDIER, but as everything continued to unravel right before Zack's eyes, that idea—that dream—seemed more and more ill-advised. By that point, Zack was actively going to be dissuading Cloud from following in his footsteps. He couldn't force him to do anything, or not do anything, rather, but he'd be damned if Cloud went anywhere near the SOLDIER program.

He wasn't even sure if _he_ could stomach being a SOLDIER anymore.

"I realize you wanted to know what we found," Angeal started suddenly, startling Zack from his thoughts, "but that's about it. I really… I need to be alone for a little while."

"Oh, uh, sure," Zack managed to stammer out.

"I appreciate you coming, I do," he continued, finally looking back up at Zack. "I just… need to think on this some. To figure out what I'm going to do."

"I get it," Zack assured, reaching down for his bouquet as he did. "Just… If you need someone, or literally anything, let me know, alright?"

Angeal leaned back in his chair. "Frankly, Zack, I don't want you involved in this any more than you already are." By default of being a SOLDIER. "Don't tell anyone what I told you. I can't… I don't know how Shinra would react, if they realized how much we know."

"Right…" Zack agreed, standing as he did.

"Just keep a low profile," he advised. "And I'll… see what I can do."

"What you can do?"

"How soon I can get you retired from SOLDIER."

It was like a solid block of ice had dropped into Zack's gut. "Oh…" Suddenly, it felt like everything was moving at a lightning-fast pace, despite the fact that he was literally standing, doing nothing aside from wringing the flowers in his hands a little tighter.

"It's hard for anyone to retire from SOLDIER," Angeal said. "But I want you out of here. As soon as possible. So you can… live what life you have outside of all this."

"Sure…"

He opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something more, but then thought better of it. Instead, he just nodded, which was dismissal enough for Zack. Despite the numbness—the shock—permeating his limbs, Zack somehow headed around the chair and to the door. Pulling it open, he cast Angeal only a quick look over his shoulder, before he was slipping back out into the hallway.

Pulling the door closed behind him, he took a few steps down the hall, but was eventually slowing. Until he'd come to a complete stop. There was a ringing in his ears that made it difficult to hear anything else going on around him, his vision wavering as he slowly lowered his attention. Until it snagged on that bouquet of yellow flowers.

Yet, even as he held them, he could see that the petals were beginning to wilt, the blossoms drooping against one another. Maybe he'd knocked them around too much, or perhaps he'd gripped them too tightly. They'd probably perk up some after being put it water, but still…

He couldn't…

He couldn't bring Cloud dying flowers.

Pushing back on the constricting ache that was tightening in his chest, Zack grit his teeth and forced himself to continue marching down the hall to the elevator.

He dumped the bouquet in the nearest waste bin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A plot chapter, I guess you could call this, lol. 
> 
> Lots of interesting things starting to pick up in the present, hu hu hu. I'm really excited to write the next present part, as it's a scene I've been waiting for since the beginning. 
> 
> The past is getting there too... I won't say anything else about it, lol. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed despite the chapter being a bit different (dream-sharing! Who knew!). 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter--SKayLanphear--where I scream about Zack and Cloud and this story and other random shit.


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